Wild Ride
by phanfiction
Summary: LA is the land of dreams. Or so best friends Leila & Cat thought. With dead end jobs & no light at the end of the tunnel, they've all but given up hope that things will change. Little do they know, during the course of one day, everything would turn around in their favor. Join Leila and Cat as they leave LA, move to London, and find themselves on an adventure of a lifetime.
1. Fucked We Are So Fucked

**A/N: Alright Phans, here is the first chapter. WARNING - This chapter is setting the story up, and telling about the main characters Cat and Leila. You don't see Dan and Phil here, but you WILL see them. **

**Oh and if you're easily offended by people calling out the Phans who might need to be medicated because they're so scary, you might not want to read this. :-)  
****Please let us know what you think either here by way of reviewing or shoot us a message to our ask box on tumblr!**

* * *

**Cat's POV**  
"Oh yeah, baby. Give it to me! That's it! Yes!"  
"Cat..."  
"Work it! I can practically smell the sexiness oozing from your loins!"  
"Cat..."  
"Oh GOD! I don't know how much more of you I can take!"  
"CATHERINE!"  
"What?!" I shrieked, whipping my head around to look at Captain Annoying-as-having-to-piss-at-4am. "Can't you see I'm working here? This is quality shit."  
He just stared at me like I was insane.  
"Literally. Quality shit, bro," I waved my hands towards what I was photographing... which was literally a huge pile of shit. A fertilizer truck turned over on a section of the freeway during rush hour traffic and guess which LA Times photographer got the glorious job of photographing it?  
Yep. That's me. Catherine Radley, also known as Cat. I'm sorry you're so jealous of me now.  
Moving on.  
"Montgomery is-"  
Oh the evil cunt faced ass gobbling whore herself. Madusa, I mean, Sharon Montgomery was my boss. My boss who was evil and who hated me and I do mean hated me. Why else would I be standing next to a few thousand pounds of animal feces in my favorite pair of Toms.  
Note to self: Take off Toms before walking into the office or else you will be forced to murder your boss when she asks if you're one of those dirty hipster chicks.  
"Catherine! What the hell are you doing?"  
I had to supress an audible groan when I heard her voice. Perhaps I should have listened to Captain Annoying when he was trying to get my attention.  
I took a deep breath, counted to 3 in my head and plastered on a fake smile before turning around.  
"Ms. Montgomery, what brings you here?"  
She was wearing a fucking pant suit and heels that made her look like some important news anchor or some shit. I bet it was all Gucci knock off shit. The tags probably said Cucci. I had to literally bite my tongue to keep from chuckling.  
"I'm checking up on your since you can't seem to make a deadline these days. I needed these photos 20 minutes ago for the website!" She was waving her hooker red manicured fingernail all around while cars zipped by us going about 70. My eyes were trained on them as they zoomed by like I was trying to use any mental powers I might have to cause one to veer to the left and plaster her ugly ass to the pavement.  
"First of all," I attempted to not sound like a total bitch but failed. I always did. "There was a traffic jam and-"  
"Do you have legs?" she asked in a tone that made me feel like a mentally challenged dog.  
I raised an eyebrow and tilted my head as I looked at her. She huffed and rolled her eyes. "Just get the damn pictures done, Radley. I'm on my way to a meeting and-"  
I wasn't using my mental powers I had hoped to magically gain so I'm guessing this idiot just couldn't fucking drive because out of nowhere, a car veered to the left. I don't know how the fuck I reacted so quickly but I jumped backwards which caused me to fall and then roll halfway down a hill.  
Yes. The fucking hill was covered in shit.  
The car barely missed me. I mean, my uterus and the hood of this car were nearly on a first name basis. I looked up towards the top of the hill to see Captain Annoying fussing over Medusa because she had toppled over during the commotion.  
"Holy shit! Are you okay?" one of the officers who had been working the wreck was running towards me straight through poop to make sure I was fine. The two cuntbags I had worked with for well over a year hadn't even bothered to look at me yet.  
I looked down at myself to make sure I was okay and my heart fell out of my asshole. The lens to my camera was no longer attached to the camera body. It was in front of me though...scattered in about 20 pieces.  
"That was a 3,000 dollar lens!" I heard the devil shriek as the police officer pulled me up to my feet.  
Medusa was standing at the top of the hill looking down at me and the shattered lens remains. Her face was blood red and I was waiting for laser beams to shoot straight out of her botox filled face.  
"That is IT! You're done. Go to the office, get your check and do not come back!" she screamed before turning on her heels and stomping away.  
I just stood there next to the cop staring at her as she walked off. I nearly got hit by a car and this bitch fired me.  
Fired me.  
FIRED ME?!  
What the fuck?  
I glanced up at the officer who was glaring in her general direction.  
"Out of curiosty, how many years would I get for grabbing your gun and shooting her right now?"  
That was probably really stupid to say to a cop but hey, I was covered in shit and had nearly been run over by a car. I plead insanity.  
"The jail time isn't worth it, trust me," he sighed, watching as she sauntered towards the company car she'd arrived in. See? Even the cop knew she was a bitch.  
I made my way back up the hill with him. Captain Annoying was standing there with a smug look on his face. He was my new replacement already, no doubt. I pulled the camera over my head and shoved it towards him, hitting him in the gut on purpose.  
I immediately pulled out my phone once we made it to the van.  
Guess who is covered in shit? Me. Guess who also just got fired? Me. FUCKED. WE ARE SO FUCKED.  
I pressed send after typing the text out and tried to imagine what Leila's reaction was going to be. Without my pay check we really were fucked. Rent in LA is ridiculous and there was no way I'd land a job that paid as good as that one in enough time to cover it. My check I would be picking up would only be for one week.  
I leaned my head back against the headrest and closed my eyes. I was trying very, very hard to ignore the stinch coming off of my clothes.  
"Ugh. Cat, you're making me gag." Captain Annoying pointed out which I'm sure caused my eyes to turn black like I was a devil bitch when I opened them and looked at him.  
I sighed. "Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've said that to someone?"  
He stayed silent. Somehow I think he knew that he was on the verge of me shoving that camera body up his asshole with no lube.  
"Hey Bob!" I leaned up towards the front seat and I saw him wrinkle his nose up as he leaned towards the open window. I liked Bob. He was a peasant like me and Lele at LA times. I call Leila Lele because I choose to behave like a 4 year old instead of a 24 year old.  
"Wanna stop at Starbucks?"  
"We can't!" Captain Annoying shrieked in horror and I looked over at him with an expression that made him grab the handle on the door like he was about to try to escape.  
"I just got fired. What other shenanigans can I get into? I want a fucking coffee. Shut the fuck up."  
He didn't say anything.  
I'm such a bitch.  
Kanye shrug.  
About 20 minutes later we arrived at the offices and hopped out of the car. I was happily sipping my drink and acting like I hadn't just been fired and was at high risk for losing my home, hopes, dreams and becoming deathly ill from bacteria in the poop that covered me.  
I walked through the back door of the office and I could feel people's eyes on me as I made my way down the hall. I popped my head into human resources.  
"Did the hag tell you I need my check?"  
Sue, the lady who was over the HR department, rolled her eyes. "I can't believe you actually lasted this long."  
I think there were probably bets going about how much longer my job there would last.  
"Me either," I said as I walked out and further down the hall to the closet that Medusa called Leila's office.  
I knocked on the door which was already open before leaning casually against it like my white button down blouse and grey pants weren't stained brown with shit and I didn't smell like I'd been hanging out in the sewer with the ninja turtles all morning. Leila wasn't there. She was probably out getting coffee like a good little peasant. I sucked at being a good peasant.  
I walked into the office and plopped down on one of the chairs before pulling my cell phone out and going to youtube. Maybe I could become youtube famous in less than a week.  
"When you wish upon a staaaaar," I began to sing in response to my own thoughts. "And then you grow up and realize that doing that is about as useful as sniffing your own faaaaarts!"  
Yep. I had officially lost it.

* * *

**Leila's POV:**

"Hey you." Medusa called out as she let herself into cramped my cubicle. I knew the evil sea witch was talking to me but I ignored her. The last time I checked, my name wasn't 'Hey you.' "You." Nope, still not my name. "Leila! _Lye-lah_! Are you deaf?"

_No, I just don't like you_, is what I really wanted to say. Actually, I've wanted to say that since the first day I met her over a year ago. Unfortunately, Medusa is by boss; if I said something like that I'm pretty sure she would fire me, and as much as I hated my job, I needed it.

I rolled by eyes and quietly scoffed as I looked up from the word document that was open on my computer screen. "It's _Lee-lah_, Mrs. Montgomery." I corrected her for the second time that day. "What do you need?"

I bet my left ovary she needs another espresso.

"_Lye-Lah Lee-Lah,_ what's the difference? Anyways,I've got a staff meeting at two p.m." She began, peering down at me through her thick rimmed glassed that made her eyes look scarily magnified. "I need you to make a run to Starbucks."

You owe me an ovary.

"Of course." _you do. _I smiled kindly. "Another Espresso Macchiato?" I asked as I grabbed my purse and stood up. It was twenty til two, so I needed to get going; the line at the local Starbucks was _always _long, no matter what time of day it was. But what line _wasn't _long in Los Angeles?

"Not so fast. You might have _finally _learned my order but I hardly doubt you know what the rest of the department heads want." She said, handing me the company card and a folded piece of paper.

"I'll do my best." I replied as I moved around her. I managed to get two steps away before I heard her nails-on-a-chalk-board-like voice again.

"Make it snappy. I'm going to need all the energy I can get for this meeting after the horrible morning I had.. Oh, and Leila, don't take it upon yourself to use the card for your own expenses. We pay you for a reason."

_Just kill her with kindness so you don't __**actually **__kill her. _  
I forced myself to smile at her before turning away once more.

When I first received my job at the L.A Times I was ecstatic. For a girl who moved to L.A from a small town in Tennessee with the dream of someday becoming a _writer, _landing a job writing for one of the biggest papers in the country really made me feel like I had made it.

That was until I found out that I would be writing the obituaries and grabbing my high and mighty boss - who doubled as the chief editor - her lattes. From there it was a downward spiral of bad, to worse, to fuck my entire existence.

It's not that my job was hard - it was just depressing. I was at the bottom of the food chain. A Guppy trapped in a shark tank. A piece of toilet paper being rubbed against shit covered genitals.. I mean, I never expected to start out on top. As the saying goes, nothing worth having comes without some sort of fight; but I wasn't even fighting... I was fetching coffee and doughnuts and writing, quite literally, the most depressing part of the news.

My youth didn't help my case at all. Being only twenty-two, I was the youngest person who worked in my department - and maybe even the youngest person who worked for the L.A Times period. As Medusa often liked to remind me, I was _lucky _I landed the position. Most people my age got stuck doing internships. Which was more or less what I was doing, only I got paid to run all of their errands. The only skills I got to use were my ability to keep my mouth shut and my ability to power walk four and a half blocks to Starbucks.

On top of being the youngest employee, I was a full-time college student, and to hear Medusa tell it, college students are a liability to the company and are not to be trusted. Apparently she only liked people in their thirties who had been sucked of all of their hopes and dreams and carried out the same dull routines everyday.

My eyes weren't completely dead... yet. I held onto that.

In reality, I think the only reason she even hired me was because I was in the midst of becoming a published author at the time, and she saw _potential._ Obviously I'm still a _nobody. _A lousy peasant. So it's not like my work of fiction had been a big hit. Quite the contrary. I had made a total of 3,009.50 off of a book that took me well over a year to write to my standards of perfection. Don't get ahead of yourself now; three thousand of that was what the publishing company had paid me. So realistically, I had made a whopping nine dollars and fifty cents in sales..

Anytime that I called home, someone in my family was waiting to tease me about my failed career. I'm not sure if _that _would classify as a _fail_, since my book _Living Wilde _had only been released six months ago.

But to be perfectly honest, I thought I would have sold more than eighteen copies...

Sometimes I wondered if maybe my parents were right. Maybe I needed to start being more practical and pursue something that wouldn't leave me broke and broken hearted. However, being the determined type of person; I refused to meet defeat so easily.

I wasn't going to give up until I had no other choice.

It only took fifteen minutes for me to get from the office to Starbucks and back again. I told you, I have mad power-walking skills.

_What is that God-awful smell _I wondered, scrunching my nose up as I made my way down the main hallway. The entirety of the ninth floor had a horrible lingering stench...

Wow this place is literally _shitty _today.

_Bzzzz Bzzzz Bzzzz. _I felt my phone vibrating against my hip from inside of my purse. Being the type of person who couldn't wait two seconds after hearing an alert go off on my phone, I carefully balanced the drink carrier against my left arm and fished my Blackberry out of the abyss hanging off of the opposite appendage.

**3. Missed calls 212-555-0906 || New Text Message. Cat.**

I had no idea who the random number belonged to, and as curious as I may have been to find out, texts from my roommate/best friend trumped everything else.

**Guess who is covered in shit? Me. Guess who also just got fired? Me. FUCKED. WE ARE SO FUCKED.**

I read the message five times to make sure that my eyes weren't playing tricks on me.

"We **ARE** fucked!" The words came out of my mouth before I could stop them and my body jerked in opposition to my outburst. Bad move. No, horrible fucking move.

"OW!" The cups of steaming coffee toppled out of the drink carrier and continued to drench my arm, chest, and torso. "FUCK! FUCK! OW! FUCK!" I screamed. Without really thinking, because seriously, who can _think _when their skin is literally melting off of their body, I flailed my arms, causing the drink carrier and what was left of their contents to spill onto the white carpet, and instantly tugged my white button down over my head.

To say that I had caught peoples attention would have been an understatement. Everyone in the office was gawking at me - including Medusa, as I stood there, quite awkwardly in my bra.

"Ms. Faust! Are you mentally deficient?!" Sharon Montgomery snapped. "First your friend Radley destroys a THREE THOUSAND DOLLAR CAMERA - AND NOW YOU'RE RUINING THE CARPET AND STRIPPING?! JUST GO. GET OUT NOW."

I gasped. No no no! This can't happen! "Please don't fire me. Ms. Montgomery, I need this job!" Was I really _begging _her _not _to fire me? Of course I was! I needed an income. If I got fired I would be forced back to Tennessee and the I-told-you-so-s that my family was just waiting to dish out on me.  
I couldn't let that happen.

"Did I say I was firing you?" She growled. "No. I'm giving you the rest of the day off! I don't want to look at you! I'm sure you've got a paper to write, or a class to go to or an episode of I-Carly to watch!"

I-Carly? _Really? _I'm twenty-two. Not twelve.

Eyes averting to the floor, I didn't bother arguing about how I needed the hours, instead I sulked back to my cramped cubicle, the smell of shit becoming stronger with each step that I took. I halted at the door, which was slightly cracked open and leaned in, pressing my ear against it. Why the Hell did I hear a British man coming from inside of it?

"_I sold and ax to a twelve year old." _

I knew that line...

"Cat?" I said, confused, as I pushed the door open. Sure enough, there was my roommate sitting in my chair, watching the YouTube famous Dan Howell on her phone. "Oh my God." My eyes doubled in size; she was literally covered in shit. "What happened?!" I gasped, quickly shutting the door behind me.

"What the actual fuck?" Cat asked, pressing pause on her phone so Dan's voice would stop flooding the room and most likely the hallway. "Why are you shirtless?" she asked, unable to hold back the giggles that flew out of her mouth before she was done speaking.

I almost looked at Catherine like she was crazy until I realized that I was indeed shirtless, my white bra stained brown in random patches. "I spilled six cups of coffee on myself." I explained as I pressed my fingertips to my forehead. "I just saw your text... What the fuck happened?" I asked worriedly. I'm not sure why I was so surprised by the fact that she had gotten fired. Medusa hated Catherine more than she hated me.

"Ow!" She said as she looked me over. I pressed my finger against one of the many splotches of red on my skin from where the hot coffee burned me. She groaned loudly and folded her arms over her chest like a 9 year old. "That waffly twat in there!" she said way louder than she should have. I cringed and put my finger over my mouth to tell her to shut up. "Le, I was nearly run over by a mother fucking car," she explained, saying the words slowly to add emphasis. "This bitch watches it happen and sees that I rolled down a shit covered hill to avoid said car from taking me out of the game of life and then fires me for breaking the camera lens. She never even asked if I was alright." She looked out the window towards her office. "Bitch is going down.

My eyes were nearly the size of Catherine's - any let me just say right now, Cat has monstrously large eyeballs -, my jaw hanging open as she explained what had happened to her. "That fucking cunt!" I stomped my black pump against the floor, completely outraged by what I had heard. I rarely got angry enough to actually show that I was angry. When she looked back up at me, my face was as red and blotchy as my scolded chest and arm. "I swear Cat.. one day I am just going to go batshit crazy and shove a stick of dynamite in her dried up twat and blow her to fucking pieces!" It was horrible when I got mad - because when I did, I was scary. "I'm glad you're okay..." I said as I stepped towards her and bent down to give her a very loose hug. "I'll hug you properly when you don't smell so bad." I patted her arm.

She laughed at the awkwardly hilarious hug I attempted to give her. Aw, come on Lele," she said as she stood up from my chair. She began swaying her hips and pulled her shirt up to expose her stomach. "You know you want these lumps," she grinned. "But you have to put a ring on it!" she shouted almost sounding exactly like Lumpy Space Princess from Adventure time which was fucking hilarious but I was treading on thin ice and I knew if Medusa heard it then I'd be fired and we'd be double fucked and dipped in shit. Well, one of us was already dipped in it.  
She cleared her throat and I saw the facade that she'd been putting up fall apart. I knew her and she was freaking the fuck out. "Dynamite up the twat seems a bit too nice for her," she sighed as she picked up her coffee to take a sip. "I guess I need to get the hell out of here and go get a job at that strip club down from the apartment complex cause these babies are the only things that could pull in enough cash to pay my half of the rent right now," she said as she pointed at her boobs. Leave it to her to still be hilarious in a crisis. "I'll figure something out though," she forced a smile and I knew she was putting on a brave face for me. She was always trying to be brave for me like the big sister I never had "Do you need me to bring you some more clothes?"

"Anything short of her getting trampled on by a load of tween-aged Beiber and Twilight fans is too nice for her." I replied, a small smile finally breaking through the worried look that had been plastered on my face. We were both ridiculous and sometimes, okay fine, a lot of the time, accused of being mildly mentally challenged, but I was definitely the more serious between the two of us. I was younger had different things weighing down on me; like the taunting from my parents. I love them, but they weren't the most supportive people on the planet. "No one is going to prance around and have old men put singles in their g-strings." I reassured, giving her another light pat on the arm. "_We'll_ figure out something that doesn't involve stripping or hooking." I emphasized the 'we' as I grabbed the hand sanitizer off of my desk. "Actually, no. Medusa gave me the rest of the day off." I explained as I rubbed my hands together, cleansing them of the cow-poo germs. "Which honestly, I'm thankful for. If I don't get out of here I might go on a killing spree, and we both know I wouldn't last in jail."

"Awww, no hooking?" she asked before poking her bottom lip out. "You ruin all my fun," she sighed loudly for dramatic effect. When I said that I had been given the day off I swear her eyes nearly bugged out of her head. "Has that ever happened? Wow." I shook my head and laughed. "Definitely not."

"Let's get the fuck out of here. I need a shower and I think we should both tell this day to kiss our asses and take a nap. Then we can wake up, eat left over pizza, and get shitfaced."  
I was already sliding my arms back into my still wet shirt as she told me her idea. "Oh that sounds orgasmic," I replied. "A nap sounds fucking glorious."

The car ride home was amusing to say the least. Cat attempted to pull an Ace Ventura and drive down the road with her head out the window. It didn't work out too well. By the time we got to the apartment complex, we were both ready to vomit. As soon as she was out of the car she ran ahead of me and towards the door. She had unlocked it and was about to walk in but then...

"Fuck it," she said before dropping her bag. She quickly kicked her shoes off before unbuttoning her pants and shimmying out of them. My mouth fell open in shock and then I proceeded to cackle laugh quite loudly "Glad I wore cute panties today!" she told me as she pulled her shirt over her head. She picked up her bag and ran into the apartment. As I closed the door all I could see was her purple Adventure Time panty covered ass frolicking down the hallway.

"Fuck, I love her." I mused to myself. I seriously don't know what I would do without her; and I don't mean financially. Catherine was the only source of sanity I had aside from writing. To think that she could have died today made me misty eyed, so I quickly forced the thoughts away. I already had enough bad shit to think about. Like what in the actual fuck we were going to do now.

I pulled the clip, that had been holding my hair in a tight bun against the back of my head, out and made my way down the hallway to my bedroom. As my long chestnut colored tassels fell over my shoulders and down my back my scalp started to ache. Massaging it with one hand, I sifted through my sock drawer with the other. Pulling out a pair of flannel pajama pants and a white tank top I closed the drawer and continued to strip out of the tight uncomfortable dress clothes.

Despite the overwhelming thoughts plaguing me, once my head hit my pillow  
it didn't take long for me to fall asleep; I still wasn't used to getting up as the ass-crack of dawn despite the fact that I did it every single day.

I woke up about two hours later and went straight to the kitchen because I had the most disgusting taste in my mouth. Getting a glass of water from the tap, I sat down on the island bar and stared off into space for about twenty minutes, just thinking about how fucked we really were, before I heard Catherine hollering from the hallway. "I'm in the kitchen!" I yelled back at her, straightening up a bit. I didn't want to look too miserable and risk making her feel bad about this. It wasn't her fault.

"Hungry. Want beer." I turned to look at Cat when I heard her walking in. It was very obvious that she had fallen asleep with her hair wet. It was huge, curly and everywhere. Afrotastic. She grunted as she walked towards the fridge. I watched in amusement as she pulled a bottle of beer out before grabbing the box of pizza that we had left over from the night before. She turned to face me and then just stood there for a minute and stared into space. I raised an eyebrow in confusion. Was she sleepwalking? It wouldn't be the first time.  
"I totally forgot what I was about to do," she laughed and I did too ."I think that I lost some memory in my coma nap.  
"Did you sleep alright?" she asked me as she twisted the top off of the beer. "I just realized that I woke up and immediately came in here to get beer. I feel like a camera should be following me filming the latest installment of Intervention."

"I sawed hella logs." I chuckled as I hopped off of the island bar and moved over to fridge where Catherine was standing. "Well if my mouth wouldn't have tasted the way you smelled earlier, I would have done the exact same thing." I said as I grabbed a beer out of the icebox. "Honestly, I was thinking about going next door and asking Hunter if he could sell us a joint. We both fuckin' need it." I grabbed the box out of her hands and made my away around the island bar. Sitting the box down on the table I smacked the tip of my beer against the edge of it, causing the cap loosen up before I twisted it off. Leaning my head back I took a long swig then wiped my mouth. "So do you think we should avoid all serious business until tomorrow?" I asked as I helped myself to a slice of cold pizza. "Because half of me is like, 'we need to figure this shit out' and the other half is all 'fuck that noise, it's Friday."

Cat took a long swig of her beer as she listened to me talk and grinned, nodding as she pulled the bottle away from her lips. "Serious business," she responded, imitating Dan Howell from Youtube. "So obsessed. I've gotta stop doing that," Cat laughed as she sat her beer down on the bar. She opened the pizza box and pulled out a slice. "I say fuck that noise it's Friday and I am definitely down for getting the herbal treatment from Hunter." She took a big bite of the piece of pizza and wiggled her eyebrows at me.

I was mid swig when Catherine made the Dan reference and beer ended up coming out of my nose as I choke-laughed. "Fu-u-ck." I coughed, wiping the beer off of my face with the back of my arm. Obviously I am such a lady. "Okay, I'll go get the goods!" Shimming my chest for no reason, I danced around Catherine, slapped the back of my hand against her ass and skipped out of the kitchen, down the hallway and into my bedroom.

I grabbed my purse off of my dresser and slid it over my shoulder while taking another hearty bite of my pizza. "I'll be right back." I said with my mouth full of cheesy goodness as I skipped back down the hallway to the front door.

Hunter only lived two doors down from us so I didn't bother to put on shoes.

"LAPD! I'M HERE TO GIVE YOU A THOROUGH CAVITY SEARCH! OPEN UP!" I pounded my fist against his door. I could hear footsteps on the other side of it followed my a ruffling by the window as Hunter peeked through the curtain.

"Leila? What the fuck!" I heard him say. Three seconds later the deadbolt clicked and the door swung open. "You're going to give me a fucking heart attack. You can't just scream LAPD at _my door_! And where the fuck are your shoes you damn hillbilly?" He asked, moving out of the way so that I could come in.

"Har har. That's soooooo funny!" I exaggerated sarcastically as slid into his apartment. "Sorry about scaring you. I figured you would know it was me by now." I said before taking a swig of my beer.

Hunter shut the door. "When you're in my line of business you can't take that kind of shit too lightly." He countered. Turning around to face me, it seemed as though he only just then realized that I was holding a beer and dressed in my pajamas. "Here to invite me to your pajama party?" He asked with a smirk.

"Trust me, it might sound sexual to you, but you wouldn't have much fun." And he wouldn't. I already knew how the entire night was going to go. Catherine and I would binge on pizza and beer, curl up in the living room with our laptops, get on Tumblr and YouTube and proceed to fangirl over our many future husbands until the wee morning hours. "I'm here to buy a joint from you."

"What?!" His face screwed up as he looked at me and I knew why without asking. "Since when do you smoke?"

"Since my life went to shit." I said, pulling my wallet out of my bag. "The hag fired Cat." I answered before he even had a chance to ask.

"I'm sorry... Hey, if she's looking for work I've got a job or two for her..." He said jokingly as he walked over to his coffee table.  
"I'm sure you do." I laughed. I could only imagine what he had in mind.

A few seconds later Hunter was making his way back towards me with a very large blunt in his hand. It was the size of a damn Cuban cigar.

"Uh, I can't afford that."

"It's on the house." He smiled.

"Are you sure?" I asked. I wasn't fond of handouts. Even if they were in the form of drugs.

"Yeah, I've got plenty. Take it easy on that though. It's some powerful shit."

"Isn't it always?" I laughed and went in to give him a one armed hug. "Thank you. Cat and I both appreciate it."

"HONEY, I'M HOME!" I screamed, not realizing Catherine was only a few feet away, sitting on the living room floor with her laptop until the door was shut. "Oh shit I didn't see you!" I laughed as I made my way into the kitchen. "The Phandom exploded again," Cat told me as I grabbed four beers - so we wouldn't have to be troubled to get back up for at least an hour - and the box of pizza then walked back into the living room, taking my usual spot on the floor beside her. "Dude, we're going to get so fucked up." I stated as I pulled my bag off of my shoulder. "_This _is serious business." I chuckled, offering her the huge cigar.

"Merlin take the motherfucking wand!" Cat said sounding like she might have been having a bit of an orgasm. She took the blunt from me while also reaching over to the side of our coffee table where a lighter was sitting next to one of our candles.  
After lighting it, she took a drag and held the smoke in for a few seconds as she turned to look at me and then blew smoke all in my face. "Oh fuck," She said in a strained voice, placing her hand over her chest. "That is intense."

"Hunter said it was good shit." I commented as I took the blunt from her. Holding it up to my lips I took a deep hit off of it and instantly doubled over, coughing. Did he put battery acid in this shit? Once I caught my breath I sat back up and leaned over, eying the screen curiously. "What the shit happened in the Phandom this time?" I asked as I felt around for one of the beers I had carried in with me.

"Bitches be crazy," Cat shook her head. "Someone claimed to have proof that Phan is a real ship and all hell broke loose again. These bitches need to be tranquilized... Perhaps I should type up a post informing all of them that I am marrying Dan and you are marrying Phil. I think they just need to hear the truth, Lele. We have to do it some time."

Finally grasping one of the bottles I handed Cat the blunt again and twisted the cap off, giggling to myself because I was already starting to get a bit of a buzz. I rarely drank or smoked pot, so I was a complete lightweight. "What in the actual fuck is wrong with these bitches?!" I shook my head. "You know, sometimes I'm ashamed to be a member of the Phamily." And with that, I leaned my head back and started guzzling the cold Miller High Life. Belching much like a man, I slapped my hand over my mouth and went into a fit of giggles. "Dude, if we did that we'd get filed away in the crazy fan section. They don't know us well enough to know that we're kidding. And the tweens? They're fucking scary. I wouldn't be shocked if they hunted us down and tried to kill us for it."

Catherine sat up quickly and pretended to look shocked. "But-but I am marrying Dan! What is wrong with you Lele? How could you deny our majestic love?" She held her hands up towards the ceiling for dramatic effect. Yep. She was definitely buzzed. She started to laugh and pick up her beer while handing me the blunt again. "They are terrifying. I wonder what the hell their parents are doing while they're online reading fanfiction about dudes having butt sex."

I threw my head back and went into an instant fit of laughter. "Majestic looooovveeeeee!" I said through cackles, taking the blunt before completely falling backwards at her next statement. "Jesus Christ, I can't even with you!" I flailed around on the floor for a few seconds which caused me to spill beer on my chest. "Oh fuck! Clean up on aisle titty!" I said as I leaned forward again. Sitting up I sat my beer on the table hit the blunt; this time taking it easy out of fear that my lungs might explode.

_Bzzzz Bzzzz Bzzzz. _My phone vibrated from inside of purse. "Of course someone wants to interrupt our good time!" Handing the blunt back to Cat, I grabbed my bag and ransacked it until I found my Blackberry. "Ten missed calls? What the fuck?" Seriously, what the fuck? No one ever called me. Except for Catherine - and obviously it wasn't her. Clicking on the call tab, I tilted my head, confused. "Who in the fuck is this rando? They called me like five times while I was at work today."

"Popular!" Cat said as she flipped her hair over her shoulder. "What's the area code?" She asked.

"Totally popular! It's a 215 number..." I replied, still staring at the screen of my phone. I already knew that she had a new Google tab open, just waiting to see what the location was, so I waited too, idly taking swigs from my beer.

"Google!" Cat shouted while pointing towards her computer. "All of life's answers live within thee," she said to her computer as she typed the numbers in. "Definitely high," she sighed while clicking away. "That area code is a New York area code. Do you have hoes in different area codes, Lele?"

I nearly spat beer all over my lap at her outburst. "Gawsh! You're getting me all wet!" I said as I rubbed the liquid into my flannel pajama pants. "New York?" I furrowed my brow, giggling. "Dude, I've never even been to New York!" I said then gasped dramatically, grabbing Catherine's shoulders. "IT'S THE TWEEN PHANS! THEY'RE AFTER ME!" Oh yeah, I was getting more and more fucked up by the minute.

Cat screamed loudly and started shaking her head from side to side. "We will not live through this alpacalypse! QUICK. BEFORE THE FOG ROLLS IN. WE MUST PUT ON OUR BEST ARMOR!" She grabbed a pillow from the couch and placed it on my head. Of course it toppled to the floor right after she moved her hand. She sighed and shook her head. "We're gonna die."

Laughing like a five year old, I picked the pillow up again and put it back over my head, pulling the ends down so that they covered my ears. "MAYDAY MAYDAY. THE PHANDOM HAS FALLEN. ALERT THE CULT LEADER! WE MUST PREPARE FOR WAR!" I yelled, kicking my legs.

_Bzzz Bzzz Bzzz. _My phone started vibrating again and I promptly moved the pillow from my head and put it over my face. "I can't answer that, Cat! I am legit scared right now."

"Holy shit, Lele!" Cat laughed, shaking her head as she  
facepalmed herself. "Dude, you need to answer it. What if it's really something important?" I just sat there staring at Cat with the corners of the pillow pulled over my ears and a look of genuine terror in my bloodshot eyes. "Oh, give me this damn thing," she said as she leaned over and grabbed the phone. She very loudly cleared her throat before clicking the button. "Hello?" she answered, before covering her mouth to keep from giggling even though there was really no reason whatsoever to be giggling.  
Other than the fact that she was high as a fucking kite but I digress.

"Who is it?!" I mouthed, unable to take the suspense.

She reached over and pushed my shoulder before covering the phone with her hand. "It's Jonathan!" she whispered. "Is there any way at all that you can have a conversation right now without it being completely obvious that you are higher than Snoop Dogg on 4/20?"

My mouth fell open and my eyes nearly bulged out of my head. Jonathan was my publisher... Why the hell was he calling me?

I nodded and reached for the phone with two very shaky hands. Taking it from Catherine, I hit the speaker phone button and held it out in front of myself. "...J-Jonathan? Hey, it's Leila..."

"Holy fucking SHIT, Leila! I thought I was about to have to get on a damn plane to come get your ass," Jonathan sighed loudly.

Cat turned and looked at me like I was a dragon or something.

"First of all, your book was released Monday over seas. I'm not sure if you got my email about that but consider yourself a very rich woman because people are buying your fucking book left and right. We've already had at least 20 stores in England alone put in orders to restock the books because they are sold out. I don't know what the hell triggered it."

Just when I thought my eyes couldn't get any bigger, or that my face couldn't get anymore contorted, Jonathan said _that._

"What?" Was all that I could get to come out of my mouth as I gawked at Catherine like she had suddenly sprouted another head. "Dude, are you hearing this too or is it just me?" I asked. I was seriously starting to wonder if Hunter had slipped something into that blunt to make me hallucinate. There was no way this could be real.

Cat was staring at the phone like she was in a trance. She turned her head slowly and looked at me. "I'm hearing it. You're hearing it," she nodded.

"Leila!" Jonathan yelled which made Cat jump. "You didn't faint or anything, did you? Because I have more news that's even bigger than that."

"No.. No I'm just trying to process what the fuck you just told me.." Which I still hadn't. "I'm not sure what news could be bigger than that but, go on.. my body is ready."

He laughed and so did Cat. "Right. Well, a film producer from London contacted me early this morning. It seems he got your book and read it all within a day. Not only does he love it and I mean this dude LOVES it. He wants to discuss turning it into a movie with you. He's been calling me repeatedly all fucking day because he is terrified someone else is going to snatch you up."

"WHAT THE FUCK!" I yelled. "I LIED, MY BODY WAS NOT READY! FUCK, ASS... WHAT?!" Seriously, WHAT?

Jonathan laughed again. "That's pretty much what I thought too. He's actually on his way to the city. He wants to meet with you. Tomorrow. He's completely serious about getting this project up and running within the next month so I need you to get your ass here, ASAP. I booked you four different flights but you never called me back. The next one leaves from LA at 9:15. Can you make it?"

Cat's mouth fell open and when she heard what Jonathan said. "Yes, she can make it!" she shrieked without thinking. "I will personally pack her shit. She will be there!"

Thank God for Catherine; because I was literally so dumbfounded that I couldn't produce words.

"Great. That's perfect. I'll see you soon. Oh, by the way, Leila, check your banking account. I think you'll be as happy to see the balance as I will be to see you when you land." Jonathan said and then hung up the phone.

I looked at Catherine and three seconds later I lunged towards her and attacked her with a flailing hug. "OH MY FUCKING GOD! CATHERINE! I CAN'T. I SERIOUSLY CAN FUCKING NOT. I HAVE LOST ALL CAN FUNCTION. THAT SHIT IS BROKEN BEYOND REPAIR!"

Cat screamed loudly beneath me since I'd managed to pin her to the floor. "HOLY FUCKING SHIT, LELE! I'M SO PROUD OF YOU I COULD JUST PISS ALL OVER THIS CARPET!" She reached up and grabbed my face. "DO YOU REALIZE THAT YOU ARE GOING TO GET TO GO TO FUCKING LONDON? LONDON, ENGLAND?" She wrapped her arms around me again and screamed with her mouth pressed against my shoulder. "THE FEELS. I MAY HAVE A HEART ATTACK."

"ME?!" I roared back at her. "YOU MEAN _WE'RE _GOING TO FUCKING LONDON! YOU'RE COMING WITH ME!" I shook her shoulders. "You're also coming to New York with me!" I gasped suddenly and rolled off of Catherine and grabbed my phone, checking the time. "OH MY GOD IT'S 7:50! WE HAVE TO START PACKING!"

"ME?!" She roared back at me. "YOU MEAN _WE'RE _GOING TO FUCKING LONDON! YOU'RE COMING WITH ME!" LeLe shook my shoulders. "You're also coming to New York with me!" She gasped suddenly and rolled off of me and grabbed her phone. "OH MY GOD IT'S 7:50! WE HAVE TO START PACKING!"

Cat's eyes got even bigger. It was kind of scary, actually. "Me?!" she asked like there were 4 other bitches in the room. "I CAN COME WITH YOU?" she squealed as I rolled off of her, completely ignoring the fact that I just told her we had to start packing. "I'M GOING TO PISS ON THE FLOOR. ON THE FLOOR, LEILA. PISS!" She stumbled to stand up and before I could prepare myself for it she literally jumped into my arms and pressed her lips against mine. "I LOVE YOU MORE THAN SEX AND DAN HOWELL!" she screamed before hopping off of me and literally running down the hallway towards her room squealing words I couldn't even understand.


	2. London Calling

**Leila's POV**

New York. Fucking New York. This was insane. I could not believe we were actually there.

I also couldn't believe it was so cold. It was in the 70s in L.A. Fucking east coast fall weather. I wasn't dressed for this insanity.

"Holy fuck! I am freezing my nipples off already!" Cat said as we made our way up the steps towards the hotel lobby. We'd just gotten out of the cab that had driven us there from the airport.

"Hello ladies," a doorman greeted us before opening the door and I looked behind us to see someone pushing our luggage on one of those kart things. I smiled at the door man before we walked into the massive lobby.

"I'm not even near this dude I have to meet with and I swear I think I'm two seconds from shitting all over myself," I whispered to Cat once we were a safe distance from the older doorman.

"Oooo fancy," Cat whispered as we walked through the lobby, both of us looking around at the huge room as we made our way over to check in. "And please do not shit yourself. One of us has already done that this week."

I laughed quietly, afraid that if I put too much force behind it I would puke and soil myself simultaneously. I felt about as bad as I looked. I was jetlagged, hungover, and I might have still been a little drunk too.

"Good morning and welcome to The Four Seasons." A girl who looked to be around my age greeted us. No one should ever look as perfect and peppy at 5 am like she did. "Do you have a reservation?"

"Uhh.." I glanced sideways at Catherine, who was staring in the opposite direction with her mouth hanging open, admiring the oversized lobby. "Maybe? It could be under Leila Faust."

The girl's eyes got wide and she gasped. "Oh! Miss Faust. We've been expecting you," she smiled and looked even more peppy. I was slightly scared. I looked over to see Cat looking at her straight up judging her without even realizing how obvious she was being. The girl reached under the desk before laying a key card down on the counter in front of us. "You two will be staying in the suite on the 11th floor. Trust me, it's amazing."

"Uh great." I smiled weakly as I grabbed the card off of the counter. "Thank you." I nodded as I grabbed Catherine by the elbow, pulling her away from the desk. "What the fuck was that? She was expecting me? You don't think she's working for the Phandom, do you?" I asked. "I suddenly feel like this is some kind of death trap."

Cat's outburst of laughter echoed through the lobby. "Yes. The 12 year olds have somehow discovered that you are mentally dating Phil and are now on a mission to eliminate you from mankind," she informed me as we stepped into the elevator. "I'm thinking this all probably has something to do with the dude who is flying here from England because he wants to use your story so badly. I want waffles."

I doubled over inside of the elevator, clenching my cheeks as I laughed, because I was terrified I was going to crap myself. Catherine was probably right. What kind of a 12 year old could afford a penthouse suite at the Four Seasons? "Eck." I grimaced at her mention of waffles. "How the hell are you even hungry? I feel like I'm going to puke!"

She rubbed her stomach. "I'm not the one who is 2 seconds from needing a xanax and a shot of vodka. You're the nervous one. I could eat a variety of noms right now." The elevator made a dinging noise and opened on the 11th floor. Cat stepped out first and looked down the hallway. "I'm guessing the suite is at the end of the hall? Weird girl didn't tell us. I think she was high."

I stepped out behind her and looked around. "Again, I feel like this is a death trap." I chuckled nervously. I wasn't nervous because I actually thought a group of tweens were plotting our demise. I was nervous because I was a few hours away from what might be the most important meeting of my life. "We could just stick the key in every slot until it works..." I suggested. That could either be a genius idea or a stupid one. I guess we'll find out.

Cat turned and looked at me with a fake horrified expression. "And give our innocent key an STD? You can't just shove him in any hole," she laughed. "Let's check the room at the end of the hall. That's where the fancy rooms usually are and I'm pretty sure the suite is a fancy room." She grabbed my hand and started pulling me down the hallway. On the door at the end there was a little sign that said 'Suite 11'. "I am so smart sometimes. I swear," she sighed, grinning at me.

"Stop it! I am going to crap myself, Cat!" I said through grunts and giggles. I seriously I could not handle her most of the time. "You're smart all the time!" I assured her as I pulled the plastic card out of the tiny white envelope. Sticking it into the slot I started giggling again, the key STD comment replaying in the back of my head. The light on the door turned green and the latch unlocked, allowing me to turn the handle and push the door open. "Woah." I blinked, just staring at the entrance with a blank look on my face. "This dude means serious business." The opening hallway was amazing, so I could only imagine what the rest of it looked like.

"Holy tits on a cracker," Cat whispered. "I think this place is bigger than our entire apartment." She walked further into the room and I followed behind her.

The ceiling was high vaulted and had several modern looking spot lights hanging from it, all which had a slight blue tinge to them. There were two large black leather sofas and two leather armchairs seated around an even larger black coffee table. To the left was a kitchen area that was much bigger than the kitchen in our apartment, with a table and 4 high backed chairs; to the right was another hallway that lead to the two master bedrooms.

"Dude, I think this place is bigger than the entire apartment complex." I said back after several seconds of gawking. Cat had wandered into the bathroom and her voice echoed when she yelled. "Shit! We could fit like 6 people in this bathtub." She poked her head out the door. "Wanna have an orgy? I'll put up an ad on Craigslist while you're at your meeting."

"No.." I laughed as I made my way towards the door she was standing by. "But I do want to blow the bowl out of the toilet.. Do you mind?"

She walked out of the bathroom pretty quickly. "I do not care to be there while you're droppin your kids off at the pool, booboo," she said as she made her way into the other section of the room. "I'm gonna order noms!"

I grimaced again at the mention of _noms _and quickly shut the door. There was no way I could eat right now, my stomach was bubbling up something horrible. I didn't actually end up doing anything, aside from taking a very hot shower. By the time I walked out of the steaming bathroom wrapped in a towel, Catherine was sitting at the table, sure enough stuffing her pretty face with waffles.

"Oh wow, they brought our stuff up for us. I could get used to living like this." I commented as I sat down beside her, not even bothering to get dressed. My purse was sitting on the table and I grabbed it and fished my phone out of it to check the time. It was 6:30. "I wonder what time the meeting is going to start." I said as I pulled my brush out of the abyss. It would have been great to catch some sleep; but I wasn't sure if I could even sleep with my nerves screwed up.

"I fon't knowb," she spoke with her mouth full of waffle. "Maybe you'll get lucky and it'll be an afternoon meeting so you can take a nap and calm your tits a bit." Her phone started vibrating on the table next to her and she picked it up and looked at it before suddenly standing up nearly making the chair topple over. "Dan! Live show! Now!" she said excitedly as she ran over to where our bags were and grabbed her laptop bag.

"Oh! Yay! I wonder if Phil is going to be joining him." I perked up as I started brushing the tangles out of my wet nappy hair. If he did, I definitely wasn't going to get any sleep. Not until it was over anyways. I wasn't quite as open about it as Catherine, but I had a massive Phangirl crush on that adorable little Brit.

Cat sat her laptop down on the table where all the food was sitting and started clicking away until finally the little window popped up that showed Dan on his webcam. "Hi boyfraaaan," she said in a very high pitched voice as if he could actually hear her. "Good God. I need mental help. I truly do," she said before taking a sip of her coffee.

"Hey future brother-in-law," I waved at the computer screen as I leaned in towards her, giggling. "Don't worry, I need just as much help." I said as I patted her arm. "No sign of Phil." I pouted. "Maybe that's a sign that I should go lay down and at least attempt to sleep so I don't look like complete shit later."

"Cunt!" Dan's voice echoed through the room and was followed by. "Dan!" from Phil. Cat immediately started laughing. "He is my soulmate! It is a fact, Lele."

I sucked in air and scooted over towards Catherine so fast that I nearly knocked her chair over in the process. "Oh! I see him!" I clapped my hands together like an excited child, smiling at her screen like an idiot.

"Phil, no one wants to see you on _my _live show." Dan said. I slapped my hand against the table like an outraged woman. "Don't listen to him! I want to see you." Like he could actually hear me defending him.

"This has as much to do with me as it does with you. I'm the Ph, in Phan, Dan." Phil said.

Cat giggled. "I'm totally gonna type something in the chat." She leaned forward and began typing on the keyboard. By the time she pressed enter the message was lost in a sea of hundreds of messages from other fangirls.

"Cat just asked if my balls taste like Maltesers."

Orange juice sprayed across the table straight out of Cat's face. "THAT DID NOT JUST FUCKING HAPPEN!" she squealed. Orange juice was dribbling down her chin.

"Why yes, Cat. They do. I'd say you could find out for yourself but you're probably 12."

"NO!" Cat yelled before grabbing the laptop screen. "Let me find ooout!"

I was doubled over again, laughing at what had just happened. "Maybe you can find out when we go to London." I nudged her. "And by the way, Dan, not all of your fans are horny 12 year olds. We're 22 and 24, thank you very much you waffly twat!" I said again, like they could hear me.

"The horny part is very accurate though," Cat pointed at me and laughed. "SO HORNY. Okay, calm down." She took a deep breath through her nose while picking up a napkin to wipe her face.

"Dude! I totally forgot they live in London. I'm telling you right now. If we ever run into them I'm gonna end up destroying my panties. I would lose the ability to can for about 5 years. Serious business."

"Dude, my panties are destroyed just from the thought of going to London, little less the thought of running into them!" I laughed. "Wait, I'm not even wearing panties... so they're going to have to replace this chair that I have destroyed.." I cleared my throat.

"Okay guys, it's time to get to some serious business." Dan began. "Overnight an alpacalypse happened in the Phan tag. Seriously, guys? What in the actual fuck."

"Your fans are fucking nuts," Cat replied. "I mean, the stuff I see in those tags make me feel sane and we both know that I am not sane, Lele. Also, how do these girls who are like 14 know so much about booty sex. I cannot. I don't get it." She wrinkled up her nose in disgust. "Damaged for life."

"I cannot fathom how you young girls know so much about sodomy!" Dan said a few seconds after Cat went on her little spiel. "I mean I get that the internet gives you access to a lot of weird shit. But really?" He sighed and shook his head. "I'm just going to say this once. Phan is not real. It's never going to be real - no offense to you Phil. But it's just not. You can write fanfiction about it, you can drawr pictures of it.. Whatever helps you sleep at night. But trying to claim that it's something that's _really _happening? No. Just bloody no. All right? Good. Now that that's cleared up, I'm going to play some piano for you."

Cat literally moaned out loud. "Excuse me while I fap violently. This man is going to ruin me for all other men. I'm going to end up being an old lady with a bunch of cats named Dan and Phil. Dan Jr., Phil Jr., Phan. You get the picture," she sighed as she pushed her plate away from her. "I wonder when they're gonna call you about the meeting. I'm antsy to know what the fuck is up and it's not even about me," she laughed.

Just when I thought that the horrible feeling in my guts was gone, Catherine brought the meeting up again, and my stomach went back to churning. "I don't know... But I guess I should try to get some sleep in the meantime." I grabbed my phone again to check the time. It was 7:03. "Are you going to crash or are you going to stay up?"

She stared longingly at the laptop for a second but then yawned quite loudly. "Sorry, Dan. I gotta pass the fuck out," she said as she reached over and closed the laptop. "I want to sleep for 2 days. Is that acceptable?"

"Normally I would say yes, but I'm taking you with me to the meeting." I informed her as I got up from my chair and headed over to the luggage cart.

She walked over to one of the beds and was kicking her boots off. "You sure you wanna take my dumb ass with you to that meeting?" She quickly shimmied out of her jeans and kicked them behind her before diving on the bed. "I can't be bothered to change clothes," she mumbled against the pillows.

"Of course! You're my shadow. Or I'm your shadow.. or something like that. If you don't want to go you don't have to. But I definitely want you to go. Who else is going to remind me to breathe?" I said as I dropped the towel and started changing on the spot. I wasn't going to be picky, I just wanted something to cover my lady parts. After slipping into a pair of sweats and a tshirt I dove onto the opposite bed and pulled the covers over my head.

"Okay I will go with you," she said while yawning and attempting to pull the covers she was laying on out from under herself. "I hope I can keep myself from imitating the London dude's voice." I heard the sheets shuffle around on her side for a few seconds and then the room was silent for a good 5 minutes.

"Serious business!" she said out of nowhere.

I instantly started laughing and rolled over onto my stomach. "I love you dude." I said through giggles. Though I didn't get a response. Maybe she was sleep talking? I have no idea, but after a few more minutes of silence, I drifted off to sleep.

1:15 P.M

"Here she is!" Jonathan said as he stood up from his desk to greet Cat and I. His secretary had just let us into his office. There was a man whose back was to us and who I assumed was the director that wanted to meet with me. "Oliver, this is Leila Faust," Jonathan said as Oliver turned around to look at me. I had to remind myself to breathe. I definitely had not expected Oliver Parker to be the man who wanted to meet with us. "Ms. Faust! We finally meet." He held his hand out for mine and I hoped it wasn't covered in sweat because I was freaking the fuck out.

"Mr. Parker! Hi." I shook his hand quickly. "I loved Dorian Gray. You did an amazing job on that film." I said nervously. Wait did I really just say film instead of movie? My love of all things British was really getting to me. "This is my best friend Catherine Radley." I introduced, only then realizing I was _still _shaking his hand. "Sorry..." I finally moved my hand away from his. Oh God, I was screwing this up.

"It's quite alright," he smiled at me. "Thank you for the compliment. I think you did an amazing job with your book, obviously." He held his hand out for Cat and she placed hers in his. "Lovely to meet you, Mr. Parker," she smiled at him. "Likewise," he nodded.

"Shall we sit?" Jonathan asked, motioning towards the chairs. We all sat down and I felt like everyone was staring at me. "First things first, are you willing to have your book turned into a film, Leila?" Oliver asked me, looking and sounding rather hopeful.

"It would be an honor to have my book turned into a film." I said quickly and excitedly, moving my hands around, talking with them like I normally did. "Especially a film.. um, by you. I mean, a film, you know.." I laughed nervously, my face heating up.

"Please, don't be nervous," he smiled. "I'm the one who should've been nervous. You could have said no," he laughed. "Of course, we will be filming this in London and I want you to be as involved as possible. I have already spoken to people about finding you a furnished flat to stay in while you're there if this is something you truly would be interested in."

Part of me was expecting to hear a squeal from Cat. However it seemed like she was doing a much better job at containing herself than I was. "Stay.. in London?" I repeated, just to be sure that I had heard him correctly. "I.." I desperately wanted to grab him by the collar of his shirt and kiss him right on the lips just for that offer, but I opted against it, assuming that might be a bit creepy and unprofessional. "I would _love _to." I nodded quickly; but at that moment I remembered what all I had left behind in LA. My job could be lost, but could I _really _just quit school? "Um, out of curiosity, how long, exactly, would I, I mean, we -" I paused and gestured towards Catherine "-be staying there?"

Oliver glanced over at Cat. "Are you her partner in crime?" Cat laughed and nodded. "Guilty." He laughed as well and looked over at me again. "You two would be there for at least 4 months. I am aware that that is quite a long time. You don't have to give me a definite answer today but I do need to know before I leave New York. I'll be here for the week so you'll have a few days to make your decision."

Four months was a long time. There was no way I could leave school in the middle of one semester and then barge back in in the middle of the next. If I did this, I would have to take at least an entire year off. Oh God, I could only imagine what my parents would have to say about this... I looked at Catherine, hoping that she could telepathically tell me what I should do. Sadly, we had yet to master that kind of communication. "I will let you know as soon as I decide.. But there's just a tiny problem. A financial one." I grimaced. I hated talking about this kind of shit to strangers, but It had to be said. "I'm not quite sure I can afford rent in London, and in Los Angeles."  
He laughed and shook his head. "You will have absolutely no financial worries. It will all be taken care of. I promise you that. I just need your lovely self in London in a week. I can handle the rest."

He was making this offer harder and harder to turn down. I glanced at Catherine again and then looked back at Oliver, nodding my head. "Well I can't argue with that." I laughed.

Oliver smiled cheerfully. "Well, now that that is taken care of, we just need to make it official. This is going to sound horrible, but you literally have to sign the rights to your book over to me. I promise I won't butcher your hard work. Obviously I'm quite a big fan of Oscar Wilde. There isn't much I want to change of your story. But we'll get into all of that later."

Sunday 7:50 P.M, Los Angeles

"Dude, what the fuck should I do?" I asked Catherine for the only God-knows-how-many-eth time since the meeting in New York the previous day had ended. "I mean this is an opportunity of a lifetime, obviously, but... I don't know. My parents would shit backwards. They're the ones dishing out the money for my tuition." I said as I balanced a half drank beer between my palms.

Catherine looked up from her laptop and stared at me a second like the was thinking of what to say. "Well, you are right. Your parents are going to shit backwards. They're going to flip the fuck out. But, this is your life and you are a grown woman. I never want you to look back on this and regret not taking the opportunity. This could and most likely will change everything for you and it would definitely be a positive change. You are literally having your dream handed to you. All you have to do is get the balls to piss of the parental units."

I sighed. Catherine was so right that it hurt. I was being a scared tit for no real reason. "It wouldn't be the first time I pissed them off." I replied after a few seconds of thought. They had nearly gone off of the deep end when I told them I was moving to Los Angeles. Although, I was at least still a student with some kind of hope for a decent future. "Maybe I should just.. run it by them first?" I proposed. "I haven't even told them about the 20 grand that got deposited into my account for my _fail _of a book, yet."

Cat cleared her throat and shut her laptop before scooting to the edge of the couch and looking at me with a rarely used serious expression. "The only person you need to be running this by is yourself. I do not want either of them to influence your decision. I love them to death, you know I do. But they've never understood you and they won't understand this. It would kill me to see you make the wrong choice because they persuaded you to. Just sleep on it. You'll have plenty of time at the hell hole tomorrow to think over things and decide." She stood up from the couch and headed towards the kitchen. "Oh and I don't even want you to let me influence you. This has to be what you want. I'm just lucky enough to be along for the ride."

Damn it! Why was she always right? Of course this was what I wanted. This was the exact thing I had been dreaming of happening to me since I was sixteen. "You're right." I sighed and sat my beer down on the table. Why I was acting like this was such a _hard _decision was really beyond me. The answer was obvious. Yes. I should have said yes on the spot - but the thought of disappointing my parents stopped me. _Be practical. _That's all I had ever heard my entire life. The thing is, is that I'm _not _a practical person. I've got dreams. Huge dreams, dreams that, as Cat said, were literally being handed to me on a silver platter. "I'm going to make my decision.. by this time tomorrow."

Cat made her way out of the kitchen and back over to me before bending down to kiss the top of my head. "Remember. Do what's best for Lele. Everything will work out like it should." She paused and her eyes darted around for a second. "I sound like a fucking fortune cookie," she said, shaking her head and laughing. "Come on. Let's go pass the fuck out so you won't be late for work in Medusa's lair."

Monday, 09:45 A.M

I had only been sitting in my cramped cubicle for forty-five minutes and I already wanted to punch someone in the face. My desk was stacked high with obituaries I needed to write up, as well as three folders full of photographs that I needed to sort and scan. Not to mention a chore list from Medusa that I hadn't even looked at yet. Might as well do that while I'm thinking about it.

**Faust's to do list:**

**1. Pick up my dry cleaning at 1839 W. North st. **

**2. Scrub the stained carpet in the main office. It's your fault, your mess, your responsibility to clean.**

**3. Orient the new intern to the building. **

**4. Post the memos to the memo board in the lounge**

**5. Make sure your office is in tip top condition. We're having an inspection this afternoon**

**P.S. Please try to keep your clothes on**

**- Sharon Montgomery**

"Oh this basic bitch!" I growled and crumpled the note up in my palm, then quickly straighten it back out. Pick up your dry cleaning? Seriously? I could feel a migraine coming on.

Bzzz. My intercom buzzed followed by Medusa's voice. "Ms Faust, the intern has arrived for orientation. We'll meet you in the main office."

I pushed myself out of my chair, opened my door and slammed it shut behind me. It took less than a minute for me to get to the main office, where she, the young, stupid looking intern, and several of my older, perverted male co-workers were sitting.

Medusa took her glasses off and eyed me. "Ms. Faust are you done having your little temper tantrum now? I certainly don't have time for more than your usual nonsense today."

"Excuse me?" I said, not even trying to hide the annoyance in my voice as I looked at her, my eyebrow raised eye.

"I heard what you said. I think it was something along the lines of Basic Bitch. Honey, if anyone in this room is basic, it's you." She smiled condescendingly.

My blood was boiling, but I couldn't find it in myself to completely snap.  
"I mean, look who's making minimum wage and look who's taking home six figures every year. You're below basic. You'll be lucky to move up to writing the classifieds. Yeah, you got published, which is why I hired you, but that book of yours was as successful as your little friend's photography career."  
"Fuck, you!" I snapped. This was going to end badly. "Fuck you so many times, seriously, just fuck you. Fuck YOU!" I raised both of my hands and flipped her off. "Double fuck you. Right in your dried up twat." I smiled. "Did you hear where I called you a cunt on Friday too?" I asked, tilting my head, still smiling. "Well, if you did, let me just say - I can't even call you a cunt because you lack the depth and the warmth. You're a wretched old hag and the biggest example of a basic bitch I have ever seen. You and your ugly fucking pantsuits, can seriously fuck off. You're the worst kind of dried up twat. You're a fucking waffly twat."

I looked at the intern who looked scared for her life. "The best advice I can give you, sweetheart, is to get the fuck out of here as fast as you fucking can and don't look back." With that, I turned to walk about but stopped as I got to the door and looked over my shoulder.

"By the way, bitch, I fucking quit!"

I went straight to my office and grabbed my phone. Hitting speed dial, I called Catherine. After about 8 rings I heard a loud crashing noise followed by a muffled "FUCK!" before she actually answered. "What do you want from meee?" she groaned, obviously still half asleep.  
Normally I would have laughed at this, but I was so pissed off that I couldn't do anything but yell. "I want you to start packing!" I snapped, sounding much more bitchy than I would ever actually be towards Catherine. "We're going to London."


	3. Accidental Stalking

**A/N: The part you've all been waiting for! Phan show up! Please let us know what you think either by a review here or by dropping us a line on Tumblr!**

* * *

**Catherine's POV**

I watched Leila as she stared down at the key that was lying on her palm. "Um. Lele, are ya gonna put it in?" I asked and immediately started giggling. "That's what she said."

Only 15 hours ago I was lying in bed in LA with no job. Now I was standing in the hallway of a gorgeous building in London that I would get to live in for free. I made a mental note to promise Lele my first born or something.

Leila nodded slowly. "Yes. I'm just appreciating the moment." I wrapped an arm around her shoulder and sighed. "It's so majestic." I stayed silent for a few seconds before flailing a bit. "Open the damn door! I gotta rock a monster piss."

She laughed quietly, still in a bit of a trance as she held the key out, what felt like, as slow as she bloody could, before inserting it into the keyhole. "Cat, is your body ready? Because I don't think mine is." She said then finally turned the knob and pushed the door open.

I literally gasped and grabbed onto the door frame with my left hand and Lele's arm with my right. "Fuck me sideways," I whispered as I looked around the area of the flat that we could see from the entrance.

I looked over at Leila to see an equally shocked and amazed expression on her face. Her eyes were almost as big as mine which is saying something. "Is this real life?" I asked as I walked into the flat, tugging her along with me.

"I'm not sure.." She said as she looked around the large open living room, that was packed full of expensive furniture that neither of us could ever afford. "Let me run a test." I wasn't sure what kind of test she was talking about until I felt her pinch the shit out of my arm.

"OW! You twat!" I squealed as I stumbled away from her. I laughed as I rubbed my arm. "Heavens to Betsy, woman. Domestic abuse." I let my bag slip off of my shoulder onto the floor next to the couch I was standing beside. "I feel like I'm in someone elses house and I shouldn't touch anything," I told her while I walked around in the large living area peeking out of the windows which gave a beautiful view of the city.

"Sorry. But I had to test a theory." Leila giggled as she walked into the kitchen. "Oh! Cat! There's a waffle iron. And a blender!"

I spun around from my spot in the middle of the living area and quickly (literally) skipped into the kitchen. "A fucking waffle iron!" I yelled as I held my hands out towards it like it was the holy grail. "Oh happy daaaaay," I sang in a scarily deep voice.

I began to turn and look around the kitchen, raising my eyebrow as I looked back at Lele. "Everything is so small compared to our stuff. We have fucking giant refrigerators and shit. This fridge is funsized."

"Maybe a family of Smurfs lived here." Leila said seriously before busting into a fit of giggles. "This stove! How in the fuck will we cook? It's in celsius!"

I facepalmed myself and laughed hard. "Oh we are so fucked. We're going to have to use google to convert that shit every time we cook."

"Dude, these plugs!" Leila gasped, pointing at the wall where an oddly shaped electrical outlet was sitting. "Call me crazy, but I don't think anything we own is going to fit into them.."

"Oh my glob," I sighed. "I completely forgot about that. I'm pretty sure they have converter thingies. We'll have to venture out to find a store very soon because I can't just not get on my laptop. Impossible." I wish that I would have been joking.

Internet addiction is a serious problem, kids.

"Oh! Bedrooms!" I said while literally bouncing up and down in place.

Leila sucked in air which made her create a strange pterodactyl noise while she waved her arms out by her sides. "Bedrooms!" She squealed then literally ran out of the kitchen and down the hallway. "So many doors!"

I squealed right along with her and followed her down the hallway. "Why do I have an urge to lick the wall and proclaim that the snozberries taste like snozberries?" I asked as I looked around at the 4 doors down the hallway.

"And why the fuck does this hallway look familiar?"

Lele had another outburst of laughter as she looked from me, to one of the doors and back again. "Uh, I guess the same unknown reason why these doors look so familiar." She commented. "I feel like I've been here before." She pointed at the oddly shaped door handle before grabbing it and pushing the door open.

"I'm pretty positive we've never been here before," I laughed as I peeked into the room over her shoulder. There was a massive bed in the middle of the room with a comforter on it that was one of the most beautiful shades of green I had ever seen. I looked next to the bed and saw that Leila's bags were sitting there already.

"See? I told you one of the scary 12 year olds didn't steal our luggage," I told her while patting her shoulder.

Leila looked up at me like I had a third eye or something. "How the hell did the luggage beat us here?!" She asked, and then walked further into the room, waiting about three seconds before she swan dove onto the mattress. "Oh, comfy!" She rolled around, making a mess of the perfectly made bed before she hopped back up to her feet.

"Witchcraft!" I whispered while holding my hands up and wiggling my fingers. "Nah. I'm pretty sure Oliver sent one of his peasants to do it. You know how those rich peoples are," I said as I tilted my head and watched her roll around on the bed.

"I'm going to go see if I have a cool bed!" I informed her before walking a few steps down the hallway to the next door. She was right. These damn doors looked really familiar.

I opened it and gasped when I saw my bed had a blue comforter on it. "How do these bitches know our favorite colors?" I asked as I walked into the room and fell forward, face planting the soft mattress. "Maybe they stalk our tumblrs."

"Or maybe the tween Phans are behind it." Leila whispered as she leaned against the doorframe. "We both know how crazy they are..."

I rolled over on my back and propped myself up on my elbows. "Le, your obsession with the scary Phangirls is starting to become a problem, I think. Shall I find a therapist for you?" I grinned. "Perhaps that therapist could help me with my unhealthy obsession with a man who does not and probably never will know that I exist."

Leila looked around the room like she was looking for something to throw at me for the Phangirl comment, but she laughed instead. "I think I have a legitimate fear, here. They could sodomize us with a cactus or some shit. I don't know." She held up her hands defensively. "He knows about your existence." She pointed out. "Remember the Maltesers comment? He just happens to think that you've yet to hit puberty."

"Malteser balls!" I yelled before bursting into a fit of laughter. I looked down at my boobs and then back at Lele. "I'm pretty sure I've been through puberty," I nodded. I sat up on the bed and smacked my forehead. "We are in fucking LONDON in our paid for flat and all we can do is talk about our favorite youtubers. I worry about us sometimes. Truly, I do."

"Speaking of our favorite Youtubers. Do you want to go on the find-electrical-converters-adventure before everything closes?"

"Yes! We need to do that," I said as I stood up from the bed. "I'm glad our flat is like in the middle of town or else we'd get lost and die in the streets of London."

Leila gasped dramatically and her eyes got big. "Jack the Ripper!" She said, attempting to sound like the White Stripes song as she danced in place. "I'm suddenly very excited. Nothing like the thought of being brutally murdered to get your heart pumping." Lele gave me a thumbs up and smiled before turning and literally marching down the hallway.

"Lele the Rere, ladies and gentlemen!" I announced as I followed behind her. After grabbing our bags and locking up OUR FLAT. -insert squeal here- We made our way into town and found a little shop about 4 blocks away that had a sign on one of the windows advertising exactly what we needed.

Of course we had to explore every inch of the store when we got in there. I rounded one of the corners which led to a candy aisle and gasped loudly. "Lele! I found Maltesers!" I said excitedly as I grabbed a handful of bags and threw them into the little shopping cart.

"Oh! Now we can taste Dan's balls!" She said as she rubbed her hands together and bent down, eying the rows of candy. "Need!" Leila squealed, spotting a very large bag of gummy bears. She tossed them into the cart. "Also need." She picked up a bag of Cadbury Chocolate Fingers, but instead of throwing them into the cart she clutched them against her chest, hugging them.

I bit down on my bottom lip and tried very hard not to cackle laugh but it was pointless. I bent over and laughed quite loudly. "Oh that would be the best Facebook photo ever." I straightened back up and wiped a tear from the corner of my eye. "We should probably get some coffee and stuff. We know that I am like Medusa's offspring without it."

I walked out of the candy aisle and was about to turn down the next one when I heard was sounding like someone throwing something across the damn store. "What the tits?" I said to myself as I looked down the aisle only to see a flailing leg disappear from view. I turned to see Lele standing behind me eyeballing her damn Cadbury Fingers.

"Did you not just see that?" I asked pointing down the aisle.

"See what?" Leila looked up from the bag she was holding, a bit of drool seeping from her lip and onto her chin before she had the chance to wipe it away with the back of her sleeve. "Did I miss something?"

"Your dignity running out the door," I said as I wiped a bit of the spit off of her bottom lip that she had missed. "I'm kidding! I love you!" I said, attempting to run away before she had a chance to use her lethal pinchy fingers on me again.

She threw her arm back, looking as if she were going to chuck the bag of candy at me but stopped herself before she did. "I love you too, but you better be glad I don't want to ruin these morsels of perfection." Leila hugged them against her chest again.

"Your face is a morsel of perfection." I wiggled my eyebrows at her before looking up at the shelves of coffee. "I don't know what any of this shit is," I laughed. "Oo! Starbucks." I grabbed one of the packages off of the shelf and threw it into our basket. "Is there anything else we need?"

Leila pouted. "Mountain Dew, but they don't sell it here." She sighed and glanced around for a few seconds before looking back at me, shaking her head. "I think we're good for tonight."

"Oh God. I hope you don't go through withdrawals," I said in all seriousness as we made our way up to the check out.

After having a conversation with the cashier about where we were from because of course he noticed the way we talked, we made our way out of the store with our bags of treasures.

I linked arms with Leila as we strolled down the sidewalk. Oh, I mean, the pavement. There weren't too many people around. A couple of guys were ahead of us and a few people behind us. The air was cool and crisp and it reminded me of fall. I had an urge to break out into song like I was on High School Musical.

Apparently Leila had the same urge, because two seconds after the thought crossed my mind, she burst out with, "I CAN SHOW YOU THE WORRRRRLD, SHINING, SHIMMERING, SPLENDID!"

I literally jumped and nearly stumbled because I was not expecting it. Of course it only took about 3 seconds for me to join in. It's a fucking Disney song. You can't not join in. "TELL ME PRINCESS NOW WHEN DID YOU LAST LET YOUR HEART DECIDE?" I belted out, holding onto her hand and placing it over my heart.

"I CAN OPEN YOUR EYES. TAKE YOU WONDER BY, WONDERRR. OVER SIDEWAYS AND... UHHH OH, UNDERRR. ON A MAGIC CARPET RIDE." Leila sang along with me, screwing up the words, but obviously not really caring about it, or the strange looks we were getting from the few people passing by.

"You just fucked that all up!" I said through my laughter, pressing my face against her shoulder as we walked. When I looked up again I stopped in my tracks because there was a chest right in my line of vision. A chest I was about to walk right into.

"Holy shit!" I said as I stopped abruptly. My eyes moved up from said person's chest and-

I swear to Merlin. I don't even have words. You know that feeling you get when you're on a roller coaster and it goes over a fucking huge hill and your stomach gets left behind? I like to call it the heart falling out of your asshole feeling.

Yeah! That one.

Dan Mother-Fucking Howell was standing right in front of me, his arms folded across his chest, a _very _unpleasant look on his normally smiling, dimpled face. "Hi." He said bitterly, looking between Leilia and I. "Do you two want a photo or something?" He asked, but didn't give either one of us a chance to say anything. "Phil and I heard you two in the store back there. You know, we're all for fans talking to us. But, were you really just going to follow us all the way back to our flat?"

I can't be sure of what Leila was doing at this point but I was looking up at him with my mouth wide the fuck open and I'm pretty sure my eyeballs were bulging from my skull. This seriously could not be happening. I had so many thoughts racing through my mind at once.

Holy fuck. It's Dan.

Holy shit. It's Phil.

Oh my God. I can't breathe.

and then as his words slowly sunk in the last thought came.

What a fucking prick!

I glanced over at Phil who was looking at us with a bit of a frightened expression.

"Excuse me?" I finally managed to squwak out. My voice sounded way girlier than usual. "We didn't even know you were near us so why the fuck would we be following you?" I snapped before even thinking about what the hell I was doing.

"Dan, I really think this is a misunderstanding. Let's go," Phil spoke up while tugging on Dan's jacket sleeve.

Dan yanked his arm away from Phil and promptly folded it back over his chest. "A misunderstanding? They've literally been following us the entire time, Phil." He said sternly, looking away from him and back to me, now completely ignoring Leila, who was looking around as if _this _wasn't happening right now. "I appreciate all of the support, but really, could you stop following us? It's a bit weird."

I cannot remember the last time I was that angry. I could feel my hands starting to tremble and my face going red. I could not believe that he was standing there being such an asshole and accusing us of following him.

"Holy fuck," I laughed dryly. "You're thick." I blurted out without even thinking of the fact that I had gotten that phrase from him. I grabbed Leila's hand and pulled her to the side to walk around the two of them.

"Waffly twat," I said as I all but stomped towards the front door of our building while pulling Le along with me.

I was afraid I wasn't going to be able to make it through the lobby without crying like a little bitch. I never cry. Like ever. But I had just been treated like complete shit by a guy that I had been fangirling over quite a long time now. I honestly did not know what to feel.

"Tell me that did not just happen," I said, turning to Le as we stepped into the elevator. My vision was already going blurry with stupid tears. Ugh, I'm a pansy.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me!" Dan exclaimed as he rounded the corner of the lobby where the lift was located. "You do realize that this is completely illegal, don't you?"

"Dan, what if-"

"Phil! Stop!" Dan cut Phil's sentence off by holding his hand up.

I folded my arms over my chest and my eyes probably would have killed him if they could shoot laser beams. Had he lost his damn mind?

"I wasn't aware that getting on a fucking elevator to go to my fucking flat was illegal!" I yelled right before the doors closed and effectively ended that conversation.

I just shook my head slowly and turned to look at Leila. "I literally have no words." I held my hands up before quickly using my shirt sleeve to get rid of a few tears that managed to escape.

I could feel Leila's hand on my back as she tried to console me; I was sure she was freaked the fuck out, not only by what had just happened, but by the fact that I had actually been reduced to tears. "Maybe.. maybe he's just having a really bad day." She tried to soothe. "I mean, with all of the weird Phan shit that's been happening, he's probably close to gauging his own eyes out." Leila nodded then out of nowhere started giggling. "I'm sorry." She put her hand over her mouth and started shaking her head. "You used his own insults against him. _You're a thick waffly twat." _She repeated me not using the exact order.

I couldn't help but laugh through my tears. "Yes I did," I responded right as the elevator doors opened. "I think I'll go lock myself in the bedroom for eternity and live off of whatever foods you would be kind enough to slip under my door."

"Speaking of doors... At least now we know why they looked so familiar?" She laughed and shrugged as we started down the hallway towards our apartment door. She put her arm around my shoulder, giving it a squeeze. "Fuck em. We're in London. LONDON! Let's go overdose and sugar and tell everyone on Tumblr that we're here."

Until she said something about the doors looking familiar I hadn't realized that the reason Dan followed us into the building was because we were in THEIR building. "Oh my God. They live here," I smacked my own forehead. I had already been giving myself a peptalk in my head about how running into them like that would probably never ever happen again and I wouldn't have to worry about it.  
I sighed loudly and nodded while forcing a smile. She was right. We were in London and we'd dreamed of going there for as long as I could remember. I wasn't about to let someone ruin it for me. Not even him.

* * *

**Phil's POV**

I turned to look at Dan when the lift doors closed and saw that he was staring at it with a look of total disbelief on his face.  
"You should have listened to me," I shrugged as I reached forward and pressed the button for the lift to take us up to our flat.  
"I can't believe you were so rude to them. I think that girl who called you a twat was actually about to cry."

"As if I don't already feel like the world's biggest cunt." Dan rolled his eyes at me. "Thanks, Phil. Means a lot to know you've always got my back."

The lift doors opened and we both stepped inside. "No problem," I replied. I thought over what had just happened again and when I remembered the girl calling Dan a waffly twat, I couldn't keep myself from laughing.

"I can't believe she used your own insult against you," I said through my laughter. "You're thick! Waffly Twat!" I tried to imitate what sounded like a girly southern American accent when she had spoken.

"Phil, shut up!" Dan said as he tried not to laugh. "Seriously, I'm ashamed of myself right now and we both know I have little to know shame."

"You should be!" I replied as we stepped off the lift. "I won't be shocked if she's already made it home and put on Tumblr that Danisnotonfire and AmazingPhil are total jerks."

"You're really not helping right now, Phil." Dan groaned as he unlocked our front door. Pushing it open, he flipped the switch on the wall and turned the light on in our living room before heading straight for the sofa where his laptop was laying.

I stopped next to the door and thought for a few seconds. I had seen people moving furniture into the flat 4 doors down from ours a few days before. That had to be where they lived.

"I'm going to go find them," I told him as I walked over to sit my bag of candy down on the kitchen counter.

Dan looked up from his computer screen staring at me like I was

the stupidest person on the planet. "Why the fuck are you going to do that?"

He really was thick sometimes. "Because, Dan, you obviously upset that poor girl and this is probably one of their first nights in London. I'd be pretty upset if some ass from Manchester got all in my face accusing me of being a stalker."

"I never called her a stalker!" Dan defended, chucking a couch cushion at me. "And please, like you didn't think they were following us."

I sighed loudly. "Yes, I did think they were following us until she told us that she wasn't. I was trying to tell you that they probably lived in the same building but you were too busy being a bloody idiot." I slipped my jacket off and laid it on the couch. "Remember the other day when I told you someone was moving into the flat 4 doors down from ours? It didn't take rocket science to put all of that together when I saw them walk into the building."

Dan rolled his eyes. "Right, because I actually remembered that you told me that." He said; from where I was standing I could see that he had logged onto to Tumblr and was viciously stalking the Danisnotonfire tag, most likely to see what the girl had said, if anything at all.

"If you care so much then you might be bothered to get your lazy ass off the couch and come with me to apologize?"

"Sorry, Phil, but I can't be bothered with that. I doubt, after insulting her she would want to see me anyways." Dan swatted his hand in the air dismissively. Bloody hell he was so stubborn.

"Fine." I'm pretty sure I sounded like a 10 year old not getting his way. I walked out of the flat making sure to slam the door as hard as possible before I made my way down to what I thought would be their flat.

I took a deep breath because I was really nervous. What if the girl who flipped out answered the door and started shouting obscenities at me in her Sookie sounding voice?

I raised my hand and knocked on the door hoping that I wasn't about to get my ass verbally handed to me by either of them.

I heard some shuffling behind the door before I heard the latch unlocking. The door opened and I looked down to see the girl who hadn't gotten a chance to speak a word while Dan was in asshole mode.

My first thought? Holy hell. She's beautiful.

My second thought? Is she cradling Cadbury Fingers?

"Um, hi." Genius, Phil.

The girl was looking up at me wide-eyed, her mouth moving as she chewed the treat that was in her mouth. After a few seconds of just staring at each other she swallowed and cleared her throat. "Hello..." She said slowly, tilting her head. "Uh.. do you need something?"

I quickly raked my fingers over the sides of my hair. A nervous habit of mine. "Well, I feel really awful about what happened out there and I just wanted to apologize on Dan's behalf."

"Um.. okay. Er, do you want to come in?

Bloody hell. She actually wanted me to come in?

"Sure!" I answered sounding a little too enthusiastic about it. "I'm Phil by the way." I introduced myself because I'm not a pompous ass who just assumes people know me.

"I'm Leila." She smiled, stepping to the side so that I would have room to get by her. "Cadbury Finger?" She asked, offering the bag out to me.

"This is like my favourite candy of all time," I responded as I took one from her with a smile. "Thank you," I told her while walking past her into the apartment. "Wow, I didn't realize all of the flats are set up exactly the same."

"You're welcome," she said as she shut the door with her hip. "That's actually the first thing I noticed! It looks just like yours-" She slapped her hand over her mouth and I noticed her face turning a bit red. "Did I just say that outloud?" She laughed from behind her hand and shook her head. "Well if you weren't convinced that we were stalkers before..."

Okay, seriously. Could this girl get any more cute?

"You're not a stalker," I laughed. "It's actually very flattering to know that you watch the videos. I mean, I've had a stranger lick my face before. This is nothing compared to that."

"I saw that! You looked so terrified!" There her hand went again, covering her mouth like she had just said something horrible. "I'm sorry, I'm a very awkward human being. Have another finger." She handed me the entire bag, and hid her face behind both of her hands.

I don't know what made me do it because I am a pretty shy guy but I reached up and wrapped my fingers around one of her wrists before pulling her hand down. "There is no way that you are more awkward than me. I promise you that. Don't worry about it."  
She opened her mouth to speak, closed it, opened it again, closed it and shook her head again. "You would be surprised, but uh, thanks." Leila cleared her throat. "I should go get Catherine." She nodded. "Er, Catherine is the girl who called Dan a Waffly Twat." She pointed to the hallway behind her. "Uh, make yourself at home. And uh, sorry about the mess. We've literally only been here for a few hours... Okay, I'll be right back." She said it all rather quickly, sounding just as nervous as she looked before she turned around, walked into a wall, and then made her way down the hallway.  
I walked into the living area and sat down on one of the black leather couches in the room. There was a laptop sitting on the opposite end of the couch and I could see that she had been logged in on Tumblr. I fought the urge to stare in order to see what she had been searching.  
"What?!" I heard a girl shriek which was then followed by a slap and "Ow! Jesus!" before I heard footsteps coming down the hallway.  
"Oh my God. He is here." The girl who was now my hero for calling Dan a waffly twat stopped at the end of the hallway making Leila run into her.  
"Hi," I said as I stood up to greet her. "Listen," I held my hands up defensively. I was honestly a bit scared of her. "I just wanted to come over here and say I'm sorry for what happened out there. Dan feels really bad about it."  
She visibly relaxed and sighed as she ran her fingers through her hair and shuffled towards me. Instead of the jeans and sweater I'd seen them both in before, they were both wearing pajama pants and t-shirts now.  
"Dude, I am so sorry for acting like a total bitch like that. He was just being a total-"  
"I know," I interrupted, widening my eyes before rolling them. "We've had a lot of really annoying personal things going on with fans lately and I think it's been getting to him. Not that that's an excuse or anything."  
She smiled at me and nodded. "I understand. Thanks for coming over here. You didn't have to. But I'm sure you were scared we were about to create a tumblr page dedicated to how you guys are actually assholes."  
I laughed because I had thought that but it wasn't the real reason. "That would suck," I laughed. "But I really just wanted to make sure the two of you were okay. Dan is not normally like that at all and like I said, he feels really badly about it."  
"Um.. Not to sound like a tit or anything." The girl called Leila began quietly, looking up at me. "But, why didn't he come and say sorry himself?"  
I cleared my throat because for some stupid reason I had not thought of a good answer for that question. "Um. Well-"  
Three knocks on the door interrupted me and the girls turned to look at each other before looking at me.  
"I'll get it," Catherine said before walking towards the door. Leila moved over to stand next to me and I glanced down at her.  
"I'm wondering if we should find something to shield ourselves with if that's Dan because they might get into some epic fight," Leila whispered which caused me to giggle in a very unmanly sort of way.  
We both watched as Catherine opened the door and I heard Leila whisper 'oh shit' when I saw Dan standing there with his hands in his front pockets looking as a very tall, very nervous little boy. It was pretty hilarious and part of me hoped that Catherine was about to go all angry Sookie on him again.  
"So, it turns out that you two weren't following us." Dan smiled, throwing his arms out to his sides, looking as though he were trying to make a joke out of a delicate situation. "That was definitely my bad." He nodded as he folded his arms over his chest.  
I wished so much that I could see the front of Catherine's head instead of the back of it. It looked like she crossed her arms over her chest and then I saw her head tilt.  
"Ya think?" she asked.  
"Not very often, obviously." Dan replied.  
"Don't let her fool you," Leila whispered to me. "She's totally fangirling inside."  
Catherine turned her head towards us and covered her mouth with her hand. It was obvious that she was trying very hard not to laugh.  
"Oh no. Please don't cry again.. I already feel really horrible. Like world's largest waffly twat."  
She turned her head to look up at him again and I heard her start laughing. "I am not crying, I'm laughing. You twat."

"Brilliant!" He threw his hands up in the air then poked his head through the door, looking around. "So do I get to join this party?" He asked, looking down at Catherine giving her his famous puppy-dog eyes.

"Her panties are inching off of her as we speak," Leila whispered to me and I laughed quite loudly causing Catherine and Dan to look at us and say "What?" at the same time.

"Nothing," Leila and I both replied at the same time.

"Come on in," Catherine said to Dan, stepping to the side to let him in.

Leila moved away from me to walk over to the couch I'd been sitting on and picked up her laptop before closing it and sitting it on the table. I sat down on the couch again and I can't say that I wasn't happy about her sitting right next to me.

Catherine walked in with Dan trailing behind her as she climbed over the back of the loveseat and sat down on her legs instead of walking around and sitting on it like a normal person.

Dan sat down in the middle of the floor like the peasant he was and looked around. "So what brings you two here?" He asked, looking between the two girls. That was a good question. I wish I would have thought to ask it.

"Leila's awesomeness," Catherine answered him while looking over at Leila and grinning. "I'm simply her peasant girl."

Leila's face turned red again and she leaned down to hide it for a few seconds before looking back at Catherine, grinning at her like she wanted to do something quite mean to her.

"If y'all hear a gunshot later, don't be alarmed. It'll be her murdering me for that one," Catherine laughed.

Leila promptly tossed a couch cushion in her direction, however Catherine caught it and tossed it right back at her. Well not at her, it hit me in the face and knocked my glasses off. "Ow!"

She and Leila both gasped loudly while Dan started laughing. "Oh my God, I am so sorry," she said as she covered her mouth in a failed attempt to hide her giggling.

"It's quite alright," I said as I picked my glasses up and placed them on my face again. "Dan is far more abusive on a daily basis."

"He's right." Dan nodded, still laughing. "A couch cushion to the face is tame compared to the shit I do it him."

"Yeah, like the flour in the blow drier." Leila laughed and glanced at me. "I should really stop saying shit like that shouldn't I?" She shook her head and hopped off of the couch and walked into the kitchen, her hands covering her face once again. "Be right back, dying."

Catherine sat up on her knees turned around on the couch to watch her with her back facing us. "You are aware of how many creepy and psychotic things they read in their tags on tumblr everyday. We are so fucking sane compared to those girls. I think you're alright, Lele. Come tell them your amazing story!" She said the last part while bouncing up and down on the couch. I glanced over at Dan to see his eyes glued to the girl's bum, so I picked up the pillow from the couch and tossed it at his face.

"What the fuck, Phil!" Dan shouted but surprisingly didn't throw it back at me. I eyed him for a few seconds without saying anything then looked back towards the kitchen to see Leila leaning against the wall holding a coffee mug.

"What's your _amazing _story?" I asked her curiously.

Catherine turned around and looked at Dan with a confused expression because of his outburst. "Do you have a bit of tourette's there, Dan?"

Oh my God. Why was I constantly surrounded by people who couldn't focus on one subject? Could we please focus on Leila? Please?

Dan looked up at Catherine. "You know I really think that I do some- SHITTING DICK NIPPLES!"

Catherine and Leila started laughing quite loudly. "Cat, I'm going to make some coffee. Would you like to offer Dan some of your Malteser's?"

Catherine's head whipped around towards Leila's direction and once again I wish I could have seen the look on her face.

"I'd like some coffee!" I spoke up and stood up to make my way into the kitchen.

"Maltesers?" Dan straightened up. "You know, someone asked during my last live show if my balls tasted like Maltesers." He commented.

I stopped in the kitchen and turned around to look at Catherine who was staring at me with a very guilty, hilarious, wide eyed expression.

"I remember that. Her name was Cat, too. What are the odds?"

Catherine turned around to face Dan slowly and cleared her throat. "I was hung over. It was not my fault."

Dan's jaw dropped and so did mine and the two of us, and Leila started laughing. "That was you?!"He slapped his hands together. "Well that's a way to break the ice, if calling you a stalker isn't."

Catherine raised her hand and flipped him off before standing up from the couch. "Come on, thick waffle twat. I'll share some candy with you."  
"I can't turn down candy from a stranger." Dan wiggled his eyebrows at Catherine as he pushed himself off of the floor and followed behind her.  
"You don't think they'll kill each other, right?" I asked Leila once we were _finally _alone.  
What? It's not my fault she's so bloody cute!  
She looked up at me and shrugged. "Would you be heartbroken if they did?" She laughed, but was obviously only kidding. I'm guessing Cat gave her as hard of a time as Dan gave me. "Nah, Cat's harmless. For the most part anyways." She said then started fiddling with the coffee pot.  
"You never did tell us what brings you two to London," I said as I leaned against the cabinets next to her.  
She cleared her throat and looked slightly uncomfortable as she glanced up at me again. "Oh, right.. about that. I uh.. I wrote this book that apparently got a lot of attention over here and this guy wants to turn it into a movie." She shrugged, then went right back to fiddling with the coffee pot, not really doing anything other than touching it aimlessly while trying to pull the pot out of the holder.

"Why on earth would that be so hard to tell someone?" I asked, leaning my head down to attempt to make her look at me. "That's like really awesome and amazing. You should be proud of that! Which book is it?"

A loud, high pitched scream came from down the hall. "NO! You cannot have my llama shirt, butthole!" I heard Catherine yell and Dan laughing.

"Oh God," I sighed, shaking my head.

Leila's brow were furrowed together as she shook her head, sighing. "I have a feeling they're going to drive us crazy." She changed the subject, still trying like hell to get the pot out. "Oh fuck it!" She threw her hands up.

I couldn't stop myself from laughing at her. "Allow me?" I offered before pulling the pot out from the coffee maker for her. "I was wondering if you'd know how the hell to work this. I didn't know how to work the ones in Florida when I first went there." I took it upon myself to pour some coffee in the two cups she'd pulled from the cabinet. "Oh and also, what's the name of your book?" I asked, glancing at her and smiling.

"Thank you." She said rather kindly as she took one of the cups and moved over towards the kitchen table, sitting it down before opening up the refrigerator. "Everything is so tiny here. I was convinced that a family of Smurfs lived in here before we came." Sitting down at the table she looked at me again. "My book is called Living Wilde." She nodded and quickly looked away again, pouring milk into her coffee.

I was taking a sip of my coffee and watching her every move like the creepy guy that I am. When she told me the name of her book I nearly choked on my coffee and managed to dribble some of it on my chin.

"Leila Faust?" I asked, sounding like a total fanboy.

My how the tables have turned.

She cocked her head back and looked at me like I was a lion about to eat her or something. I don't know, but she looked rather scared. "That's me... But, how the hell?" She shook her head, confused. "Is it really _that _popular here?"

"Uh, yeah. Everybody has been talking about it. Dan and I actually bought it when we went to shop earlier. Right before we ran into you two. I can't believe I didn't make that connection. Wow."  
"I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY PLEASE DON'T! OW FUCK!" Dan screamed then erupted with laughter that was followed by a crashing sound.  
"Oh God." Leila sighed again and pressed her hand to her forehead. "I suddenly feel like a responsible person, and I'm not a responsible person." She shook her head and laughed quietly. "That's um, cool, though. I hope you like it." She smiled, raising the rim of her glass to her lips, taking a sip of her coffee. "There are loads of Leilas in the world. You were probably expecting a middle-aged woman. My publisher thought I was a man before he met me. Not many twenty-two year olds like Oscar Wilde enough to write about him."  
"Please, do not kill her!" I yelled over my shoulder at Dan wishing that for once in our friendship he could act like a semi-normal human being. "You're actually the first Leila I've met," I said as I sat my elbow on the table and propped my chin on the palm of my hand. "I'll stop making you talk about your book if it makes you uncomfortable though," I smiled.  
"It's just odd, I think. I mean, it's amazing, but it's weird that it's doing so well here, especially when I literally had no idea about it. In America, I made a whopping nine dollars and fifty cents in sales." She laughed. "So coming here where people know about me... Is it weird for you? I mean, having so many people know who you are?"  
"It is rather odd," I laughed and shrugged. "I mean, it's not like we have people stop us like we're famous actors or anything but it happens randomly. The main weird thing is getting on tumblr and twitter and having hundreds of messages from underage girls asking us horrible things that people our age shouldn't even be asking," I pretended to shiver all over. "It's scary."  
She coughed and spewed coffee all over me, looking a little bit guilty as she wiped her mouth. "God I'm such a fail." She shook her head, laughing as she hopped up and grabbed a dishrag from the sink. "I'm sorry about that, and about your 12 year old fans... They know more about anal sex than most gay man know about anal sex. Fuck! I need to get my mouth sewn shut." Nodding she handed me the rag and sat back down.

I took my glasses off and wiped them off before wiping my face, laughing the whole time. "I swear, I don't think that this night could get any more interesting." I paused and realized how quiet it had gotten down the hall. "I probably just jinxed that." I put my glasses back on and smiled at her. "And you don't need your mouth sewn shut. I like the sound of your voice."

Oh hell. I can't believe I've just said that.

"Hehehar." She giggled, a really cute, silly looking smile on her face. "I-" Her words were stopped at the sound of something hitting one of the walls down the hall. "Do you think we should check on them?"

That giggle was still stuck in my head so I almost didn't comprehend what she said. I sighed loudly, realizing that it might be in everyone's best interest that we go check on them. There are certain people that when paired up with Dan equal disaster.  
"Probably," I said as I stood up. I held my arm out towards the hallway. "Ladies first? Or would you like me to go in case it's something that could permanently damage you."  
She doubled over, laughing, seeming as though she could personally relate and may have even expected to see something horrific happening behind the closed door. "I think I can handle it. I've known Catherine for a long time... If I see something I've never seen before I'll throw a dollar at it." She said then took the lead, being very quiet as she made her way down the hall. Coming to the correct door she slowly grabbed the handle and pushed the door open...  
I peeked round her shoulder and I knew that I was probably going to see something abnormal but I hadn't thought of this.  
Catherine was standing on the bed with a pillow held high above her head and a pair of..."Are those Adventure Time knickers on your head?" I asked.  
Dan turned around to look at me and I saw that he also had a pair on his head. Catherine took the opportunity and smacked him in the side with the pillow while squealing and beginning to jump up and down on the bed.  
"I got you! I got you! I-" her victory chant was abruptly cut short by Dan lunging forward and grabbing her legs before hoisting her up and over his shoulder.  
"Nice view!" she said breathlessly, her face hovering over his ass.  
"How do two people who just met even end up in a situation like this?" I asked, completely mindboggled by them.  
"Cat, ladies and gentlemen." Leila held her arms out presenting her friend like some kind of prize before digging into her pocket and throwing American change at the two of them. "I don't have a dollar handy. But it works."  
Dan quickly turned around, swinging Cat's flailing body behind him, almost knocking her into the wardrobe to his left. "What was that about?" He asked, looking down at the change on the floor.  
Cat screamed and grabbed onto the sides of Dan's jeans. "Dan! You're scaring the hell out of me," she laughed. "Please do not drop me. I need my head and neck for stuff."  
I looked over at Leila. "Can we go now?"  
"I'm not sure if we should leave them alone any longer.. Dan, if you kill my best friend I'm going to have to steal yours." Leila informed him as she gestured towards me. "And then you will be left alone with no one to abuse but yourself.. Oh fuck, that came out so wrong."  
"Welcome to the dark side, Lele," Catherine said in a very creepy voice.  
"He won't kill her. I've lived with him for a long time now and I'm still alive," I shrugged. "Although she might want to invest in a helmet if we plan on hanging out in the future."  
"I'll just use Lele's. If the peasant is allowed to use master's things?" Catherine brought her hand away from Dan's leg and smacked her own forehead. "Dan! All the blood is rushing to my face. I think my eyeballs are gonna pop out."  
"Sorry 'bout that." Dan said as he leaned forward until Catherine's feet touched the floor.  
"You're not a house elf, Cat." Leila laughed. "But if you were, I would never give you a sock and free you! Muahahahahha - Er." She cleared her throat.  
"Are you a house Cat?"Dan asked her. "Oh can I drawr whiskers on you?!"  
"Yes, Dan. I'm a house cat. I piss on things and claim them as my own," Catherine replied quickly while attempting to put her hair up into some sort of ball on her head. She gasped and jumped up and down. "I want some fucking cat whiskers!"  
And I want to spend 5 seconds alone with Leila.  
"We'll leave you two then," I nodded and looked over at Leila as I started to make my way out of the room.  
After a few seconds, Leila shut the door and followed behind me. "Well, that was interesting." She giggled. "I think your best friend is ruining my best friend."  
I laughed as I sat down where I'd sat before in the kitchen. "I was thinking the same about your best friend. I can't say I've seen Dan that way very often." I took a sip of my coffee and sat the cup back down. "Where are you two from?"  
"Originally? Catherine is from Louisiana, and I'm from Tennessee, but we came here from Los Angeles." She explained as she took her seat. She seemed a lot less wound up now. But who wouldn't be at least a little relaxed after seeing _that?_  
"That explains why she sounds a bit more Sookie like than you," I blurted out immediately feeling like a total dork for referencing True Blood. "How old are you?" I asked quickly after. "I sound like I'm interrogating you, don't I?" I laughed.

Thank God she laughed. "Don't let her hear you say that." She whispered, chuckling. "No, you don't." She shook her head. "I'm twenty-two."

"Good to know you're not 12," I laughed.  
"Do I really look that damn young?!" She laughed, pretending to sound a little offended.  
I laughed and shook my head. "No, no. I was just saying that because most fans we meet are rather young." I took a sip of my coffee while looking over at her. I knew what I wanted to ask her and any other guy probably could without worrying over it but I was worrying over it.  
I cleared my throat as I sat my cup back down. "So, um. Do you guys have phone service over here yet?"  
"Actually... You just reminded me of something. Hold that thought." She said as she held her finger up, hopping out of her chair and disappearing down the hallway. Was I ever going to get to spend five uninterrupted minutes with this girl?  
A few seconds later she came back holding two iPhones. "Oliver had these turned on for us." She said as she sat down again. "Iny meeny miny moe, fuck it, this one's mine." She sat the phone that was in her left hand down on the table and kept the one in her right.

"Very nice," I said through my laughing at the way she chose which phone to use. "So, is there any way I could get your number? I think we should all hang out again. I mean, the kids get along and everything."

"The kids!" She burst out laughing, shaking her head as she did so. "I would say yes you can, but um.. I have no idea what my number is. Here, I'll call you."

I laughed. "You are entirely too cute."  
The words flew out of my face. Word vomit. I am the king of that. "Here, I'll put my number in your phone," I said as I took the phone from her. I quickly typed my information in and then called my own phone so I'd have her number.  
"There you go," I said as I handed it back to her. "We can go have coffee or something one day. I'd be more than happy to show you round London."  
Did I sound desperate? I think I sounded desperate. Oh God.  
I was starting to forget what color her face _really _was, because ever since I had walked through the door, it kept turning a dark shade of crimson. "Thank you," She replied bashfully. "Both sound great." She nodded rather quickly, as she took the phone from my grasp with a very shaky hand. "The coffee and the tour I mean. Right now I hardly know my ass from a hole in the ground. Uh. Sorry.. I talk a lot, and say a lot of dumb shit when I'm nervous. Like that for example." She nodded.  
"Leila, seriously. Do not be nervous. I've been feeling like a total dork bomb over here just trying to get your phone number and ask you to get some coffee with me," I laughed. "I'm really just a very awkward guy who managed to get a lot of youtube subscribers. No reason to be nervous whatsoever."  
"Right, I'm sorry. I'll try to be less of a spazz.. But, you make it entirely too hard when you're sitting there being adorable." She laughed and rested her chin against her palm.  
I'm pretty sure my face turned a deep shade of red. "Thank you," I replied sounding far less like a man than I would have liked. I glanced down at my phone and realized when I saw the time that it was quite late. "Wow, it's after midnight. Do you two need to get some sleep? I don't want us to be intruding or anything."  
"It's after midnight?!" She said in disbelief as she picked up her phone, checking them time for herself. "Jesus. I'm wide awake. It's only 4 in the afternoon in my head." She laughed.  
No sooner than the words came out of her mouth, Dan and Cat appeared from the hallway.  
"I'm Cat-napping - Ha ha ha ha ha, I made a funny -" Dan laughed. "I'm Cat-napping Cat. Taking her back to our flat for some sex. So Phil, I hope you've still got your ear plugs."  
My mouth fell open and I'm sure I looked completely horrified. I honestly did not know if he was joking.  
"Bye sexy faces!" Catherine called out before they shut the door. I looked at Leila.  
"I don't know if he was serious or not..."  
She was still staring at the door, her jaw hanging open as she shook her head. "Honestly? Neither do I." She said as she looked back at me, suddenly laughing as she put her hand against her forehead. "They have got to be the most vulgar humans on this planet."  
I started laughing along with her. She had a very contagious laugh. "I thought Dan was the most vulgar person I know. Now it seems there's a female version of him. I don't know whether to be happy or terrified."

"Happily terrified, maybe?" She shrugged. "I can handle Cat well enough, but Cat plus Cat with the twig and berry set up?" Leila shook her head. "We're royaly fucked, I think."

I laughed again, rubbing the side of my face. "Oh God. Well, at least we have each other to keep sane if they do become attached at the hip or something. What shall we do while they're off having sex or whatever they're doing?"  
"Hmmm." She looked around, thinking before her eyes met with mine again. "Tumblr?" She suggested with a shrug. "That's about the only thing I can think of... Unless you want to help me unpack." She laughed jokingly.  
"Tempting," I grinned at her. "But Tumblr sounds good to me. Let's see what the Phandom is up to this evening."

"Haven't you heard?!" She gasped as she hopped to her feet. "The Phandom has fallen! It was overrun by tweens!" She ran to the couch and grabbed a pillow, putting it on top of my head. "Cat's idea of armor for Phandom war.. What is it now? 77?"

I laughed loudly and jumped up from the chair while holding the pillow on top of my head. "79 I believe," I said in a deep, weird voice. "Shall we go see what sort of weapons the enemy is equipped with?" I asked, bowing in front of her while extending my arm for her to take it.  
Leila threw her head back like a little kid and started cackling. "Oh God! I can't!" After she calmed down, she took my arm and pulled me towards the couch where her laptop was sitting. "Prepare yourself, King Phil. These children mean serious business."


	4. Nokias & Britney Spears

**Dan's POV: **

"How much do you want to bet that they're back there judging us?" I asked as I opened the door to my flat, stepping to the side so she could walk in around me.  
She stepped into the flat and looked around for a few seconds before turning to look at me again. "I feel like I've already been in here because I watch your videos like a stalker," she grinned. "Nice place!" she held her hands up and gave me 2 thumbs up.  
"Oh no," I laughed. "You're never going to let me live that down are you?" I asked as I shut the door. "Thank you though, for the thumbs up-" I paused, shooting her a goofy smile and giving her two thumbs up, "- and for watching my videos."  
"No!" she laughed. "I actually wasn't meaning to sound like I was talking about you being a giant dickhead earlier. I'm flat out admitting to stalking your videos," she shrugged. "But, I will definitely be using you being a total twat to my advantage if we hang out after tonight. Like if I'm super hungry but also super lazy. Moments like that. Cause if you don't want to get me some food I'll just pout and be like 'But Daaaan, you made me sad'." She tilted her head to the side and poked her bottom lip out.  
"I see how it is! First you insult me with my own insults, and now you're using _my _pouty face on me?" I shook my head, which caused my hair to fall even further over my left eye. "Fair enough, I suppose. But you do know that I am probably the laziest person in the world, right?" I asked her as I sat down on the arm of the couch. "See, I can't even stand longer than sixty seconds."  
"Damn," she pretended to wince and gave me a look of sympathy. "You must be a really, really terrible lay if you're so lazy."  
I couldn't stop the laughter the rang from my mouth like a symphony of fucking giggles. Did she _really _just say that? Like, what the fuck. _I _say shit like that... "That's a completely horrible judgement to place on me, Whiskers! Yes, your new name is Whiskers. But I digress, the one place I'm _not _lazy, is in the throws. Just so you know."  
"In the throws," she imitated me while wiggling her eyebrows. "And what the fuck kind of name is Whiskers? I'm not an actual cat. I have no hair on my body that shouldn't be there and would be whisker-like," she tilted her head and furrowed her eyebrows. "That sounded a bit weird and wrong in my head."  
"Oh it sounded even worse out loud." I nodded, trying to look serious, but failed and started laughing. "Actually, Whiskers-" I began as I stood up, "You do have whiskers. Remember? I drew them on you." I nodded as I tapped the tip of her nose. "Don't worry though, they're flattering. All I've got to do now is make you purr."  
Her mouth fell open and her eyes got huge. "I-" she began and closed her mouth before opening it again. "I-I honestly cannot believe you just said that," she laughed. "I'm not sure of how I should react. But, I think that if you said that to any of your hardcore Dan fans, you might get raped. Just so you know."  
"Mission accomplished!" I threw my arms out to my sides. "I was trying to say something that would baffle you. I thought it was going to be impossible, but now that I know how to do it..." I smirked and moved around her, walking backwards into the kitchen. "I know, trust me, I know. That's why I don't say shit like that to just anyone. I mean you could _try _to rape me, but I've got at least a foot on you, so I don't see it happening."  
She put her hands on her hips and grinned at me. "Are you attempting to make me try to rape you, sir?" she asked, speaking with my accent instead of her own.  
"Like I would answer that question, honestly, har." I said back to her, using _her _accent; or, a very horrible version of it. My American accent was complete shit, let alone one that sounded like Sookie.  
She facepalmed herself and shook her head. "Dear God, Dan. We have got to do something about that fucking horrible American accent of yours. Especially when you attempt to sound like me."  
"I should probably take lessons from Phil. He's quite good at imitating Sookie from Trueblood." I laughed as I opened up the refrigerator. "D'you want anything to drink?"  
"No thank you," she replied as she began wandering towards the living room area. "This is where the magic happens," she said, holding her arms out and spinning in a circle. "Well, some of it. The Super Amazing Project videos are always in here though. Oh my God. Shut up, Cat. Shut the fuck up."  
I came back into the living room holding two beers even though she said she didn't want one. I went to hand her one but quickly yanked my warm back. "Hold on, are you at least eighteen?" I asked before laughing at her comment. "No, don't shut up, it's funny, and always good to hear. If you didn't watch my videos, I literally wouldn't be standing here right now."  
"Are you serious right now?" she asked with her arm extended to get the beer. "I'm 24 years old. I'm older than you," she laughed. "Give me my beer, please," she said while opening and closing her hand like it was going to magically fly from my hand to hers. "But even if you didn't make videos I probably would've seen you in the building and been like 'Oh hey he's totally-'-" she stopped speaking abruptly and laughed. "Beer please?"  
Holy Hell! She's 24? What the fuck? She didn't look it at all. She looked younger than I did, and I looked pretty damn young. "Ah-ah," I shook my head. "Hey he's totally, what, exactly?" I asked, my brow raised eye causing my forehead to wrinkle up. "Secrets don't make friends, you know. And honestly, if I didn't make videos, I would still be in Manchester at uni contemplating suicide."  
"He's totally majestic," she grinned as she reached out and petted the side of my head. "Majestic haaaaair."  
I blinked a few times before laughing and lowering my arm so she could take the beer from my hand. "There you go," I patted the top of her head. "You definitely need that. Especially if you're calling me bloody _majestic._" I imitated her accent with the last word as I moved around her and sat down on the couch.  
"Thank you very much!" she said after taking the beer from me. She walked over and sat down next to me with her legs curled under herself and turned towards me. "I can't believe I'm sitting in your apartment. I don't even care that that's a fangirly thing to say. You're lucky that you were a dick to me when we met because I'm not entirely sure that I would have been able to contain the strong urge to squeal like a cracked out 13 year old Bieber fan."  
I laughed as I nestled into the corner of the couch and put my feet on the small table in front of me. "I've heard a lot worse, and I mean _a lot _worse." I said seriously, nodding my head, almost getting horrible flashbacks of some of the things people have said and done to me. "At least you aren't actually a 13 year old. I appreciate them, I do.. But I can't remember being _that _horny at 13.. Okay, so I can, but still." I grimaced then laughed. "The Phans are a different breed, that's for sure."  
She took a sip of her beer and laughed before speaking. "Dude, I know that I was that horny when I was 13 but when I was 13 I didn't have a fucking internet connection or an IPhone or orgasmic youtubers to watch all day and night."  
"Are you saying that this is my fault then?" I asked, obviously joking. "Well I guess when you've got all this sex appeal-" I paused flashed my hand down my torso "- people just don't know what to do with themselves." I sniggered. "Seriously though, when I was thirteen, I had Britney Spears and a Nokia. My how times have changed."  
"Dan, are you telling me that you jacked off to Britney Spears photos while holding your Nokia to light up the magazine her photos were in?" she asked with a completely serious expression.

I nodded, an equally serious look on my face. "Yes, Cat, that is exactly what I'm telling you. Sad isn't it? But her bloody pigtails were so sexual." I rubbed my left nipple, crossed my eyes, and stuck my tongue out of my mouth in the most unattractive manner possible.

"Oh, for fucksakes, Dan!" she said while throwing her left hand in the air. "Now I've ruined my damn panties. They are completely drenched because of how super duper sexy that was. I have lost the ability to can."

"I know." I shook my head slowly. "Number one panty destroyer, right here baby." I winked creepily before taking a sip of my beer. "Please don't leave a wet spot on the couch. Phil's already wanked off on it more than enough times."

She was taking a sip of her beer and nearly spit it out everywhere but managed to swallow it before laughing. "Oh shit. I was not expecting that. I don't even think I can imagine Phil wanking it. He's so sweet and innocent and I just wanna cuddle him," she said as she wrapped her arms around herself like she was attempting to cuddle herself.

"It's not a very pretty sight." I shook my head. I was talking out of my ass, because I hadn't ever seen him wank; I really just liked giving him a hard time, even if he wasn't around to hear it. "And don't let him fool you. He's a saucy lit'l bastard." I tilted my head, watching her cuddle herself. It was quite adorable, and it caused me to smile. "And you don't want to cuddle me?" I fake-pouted. "Be right back, I'm going to cry." I pretended to stand up but quickly sat back down. "Nevermind. I can't be bothered to move. I'll cry later, when it's more convenient for me."

She put a hand on her hip and gave me a look like she was saying 'really?'. "I was just about to talk about how insanely cute it is when you pout but then you ruined it with that cockyish comment at the end. No cuddles for you."

"But... but..." I poked my bottom lip out and tilted my head, pouting again. "I like being cuddled." I sniffled and proceeded to fake cry into my hands.

I heard the clanking of her beer bottle on the table and looked up right when she stood up and then proceeded to sit on my thighs. She wrapped an arm around my shoulders and cradled my head against her neck. "Here. Awkward cuddles with the stalker girl you barely know. Life complete."

Holy Hell, I hadn't been expecting that. I slipped my arms around her and leaned forward, which caused her to lean back, most likely making her think I was about to drop her on the table, as I sat my beer down on top of it. Leaning back again, I nuzzled my face against her neck and blew a raspberry against it just so I could make the cuddles even more awkward.

Though.. it wasn't really awkward at all.

"Oh Jesus!" she laughed, hanging on tighter to me when I leaned

forward. "I thought I was going to fall to my death," she said right before I blew the raspberry against her neck. She squealed loudly and began wiggling around to get away but I held on tighter and continued attacking her because for one thing, she smelled really good, for another it was nice to have a girl on my lap and finally, who the fuck doesn't like cuddles?

"I wasn't going to drop you. I had you thrown over my shoulder." I said, my face still against her neck. "I might not look like much, but I'm not a complete pansy."

"Psh," she laughed. "_No one_ said you didn't look like much. Trust me on that." She cleared her throat immediately after. "Oops. Word vomit. How tall are you?"

"That's not what I meant." I laughed, leaning away from her so I could look up at her face instead of having a conversation with her neck and hair. "I meant that I'm not very fit." I tilted my head and raised my brow, laughing again. "That's a bit random. I'm 1.8 meters tall." I knew she would have no bloody idea how tall that was, but I said it anyways, just because I'm annoying like that most of the time.

"Okay, assface. You know my American ass has no idea of what that is in feet and inches."

"I know." I laughed, "I'm six feet two inches, Ms. American."

She laughed. "You're exactly a foot taller than I am. I bet I look like a little hobbit next to you or something."

I scrunched my nose up. "Hobbits are ugly though, and have abnormally hairy feet. I'd say you're more of a house-elf. Like Dobby, he's kind of cute." I laughed

She looked at me like she was completely disgusted. "Okay, I know I have rather large eyeballs but please tell me that you did not just say that I look like Dobby? I love his cute little self but I certainly don't want to bebop around looking like him," she laughed.

I laughed even louder because I hadn't even made the connection of the huge eyes at all. "No, no that's not that I meant." I shook my head rather quickly. "I just meant that you're small like he is. Compact."

"Much better," she laughed while moving her hand that was still wrapped around my shoulders to pet my head. "You have soft hair. I like to pet you. I shall pet you," she informed me while stroking my hair like I was a Cat.

No pun intended.

"It's my conditioner." I smiled, absentmindedly bringing my hand to my head to comb my fingers through my hair. They touched hers and I quickly moved it away, not wanting her to stop. There was one general rule for all of mankind.

Everyone liked having their hair played with.

"So what are you doing here? And by here I mean in London. I never got an answer out of anyone earlier." I said to make conversation, and because I was genuinely curious. It wasn't too often that American _moved _to London. Or maybe it was. What do I know?  
"Well, Leila wrote this kick ass book which didn't sell very well in the states but apparently over here people are trippin' balls over it so a director ended up getting in contact with her and bought the rights to the story and now she's here because she's going to oversee the making of the film," she explained while still stroking my hair. "And I'm along for the ride because I'm one lucky bitch."  
"Fancy." I looked at, a little surprised. I hadn't really made any assumptions as why they were here - but I never would have guessed that one. "Well that's pretty badass. What book is it?" I asked, tilting my head to her fingers could stroke the side of my head. I contemplated kicking my leg like a dog, but opted against it.  
She laughed a bit at me positioning my head for her and I nearly moaned when I felt her fingernails scratch lightly against my scalp. "It's called Living Wilde by Leila Faust," she informed me with a british accent.  
"Oh God." I threw my head back and started laughing. "That's who she is? Holy shit. I wonder if Phil knows. He's going to shit himself when he finds out. He's been trying to stalk her for an entire week now." Oh yeah, I just outed Phil. Why? Because I can.  
She leaned back and looked at me wide eyed. "Are you serious? She has like a fucking huge lady boner for Phil. I mean, grade A lady boner."  
"Serious business, serious." I laughed. "Grade A lady boner? Fuck!" What the fuck? Where has this girl been all of my life? Seriously, who says shit like that? I mean, aside from me? "Well he's got a real boner for her." I winked and pointed my finger up at her, a goofy smile on my face. "He'll be pleased to hear about that though, her Grade A lady boner I mean."  
She started laughing. "Well, I'm sure she'll be happy to know about his Grade A erection selection for her. Actually, they both might know already. They could be showing each other their Grade A boners as we speak."  
"Disgusting!" I grimaced, "The only thing worse than hearing someone talk about Twinkies is hearing someone talk about Phil's erection, and actually.. I think they might be neck to neck at this point. I'm not sure... I feel sorry for your friend though." I jerked my body around, shuddering. "Okay, no more talk about his.. parts."  
"Dude. Twinkies are fucking disgusting. I've never understood why anyone likes them." She stuck her tongue out and pretended to gag. "Oh Dan! You would break so many hearts right now. People will go down with the Phan ship. It's serious business."  
"Seriously disturbing business." I laughed. "I mean, I really don't have a problem with them shipping it, or whatever, it just gets under my skin that people think that it's a legit ship, when it's obviously not. We're both completely heterosexual... Ugh, I really don't want to get into that. It's why I was so annoyed earlier."  
"Dan, sweetheart," she said while cupping my chin with her hand. "I think you might have some anger issues," she nodded, trying her best to look serious but she started to smile. "No, really. I'd be bothered by that too so I'll shut my face."  
"I just want to clarify, before we change the subject, it only annoys me when people try to prove it, thus causing a shitstorm of drama." I nodded, then shifted in around to get a little more comfortable.  
"Am I squishing you?" she asked. "I think my ass is invading little Dan's personal space."  
I laughed, "No, you're not, my bum was just going numb. It happens when you have little to no cushion back there. Not that I expect you to be able to relate to that or anything."  
Her eyes got wide and she leaned back a bit to look at me. "Have you been checking out my bum, Dan Howell?"  
"Oh yes I have Cat... Terberry?" I laughed, realizing I had no bloody idea what her last name was.  
She laughed along with me. "Wonderful little name creation there. My last name is Radley. Because I'm so super rad."  
"Seriously? Your last name is _Radley? _Bloody Hell! Why is it that you Americans have such awesome names? Like seriously, Howell? What the fuck am I? A wolf?"  
"If I married you my name would be Cat Howell. Like Cat Howl," she giggled and then got wide eyed. "That wasn't creepy at all."

"Nope, not the least bit creepy." I shook my head. "Cat Howell." I threw my head back and started laughing again. "If you married Phil you would be Cat Lester, which immediately makes me think, Cat mo_Lester_." My laughter increased, because that was fucking funny. "Poor Phil. His last name his shit."

She started laughing quite loudly. "Oh dear God. Remind me to never, ever, ever marry Phil. Holy balls. He really should just change his last name to Striker."

"You really are a fan, aren't you?" I asked. "I mean a dedicated one. Not a lot of people can remember little details like that. Before you say it, no it's not creepy, it's amusing, and flattering."

She flipped her hair dramatically before standing up from my lap. "I know. I'm just so super awesome," she said as she bent down to pick up her beer.

"Where are you going?" I asked, my brow raised, causing my forehead to wrinkle again; I was suddenly a lot colder without her there, sitting on my lap.

She turned and looked at me while taking a sip from her beer. "I was getting some beer and letting you have your lap back," she informed me when she was done.

"Well," I began as I leaned forward, grabbing my beer. "I don't want it back." I smiled simply and wrapped my arm around her waist, pulling her down on top of me so that her back was against the arm of the couch.

She squealed and held her arm up in the air to keep from spilling her beer. "Alrighty then!" she laughed and I couldn't help but notice her cheeks get a bit pink. "You do have a very comfy lap."

I grinned up at her. "And you've got a very nice and very warm bum." Holding the beer up to my lips, I took a long swig and smacked my lips together. "So what did you do before you came here?" I asked, wanting to get to know more about her.

"I was a photographer for the LA Times," she informed me before taking another sip of her beer. "I actually got fired last week after having to take photos of a very large pile of shit, then almost getting hit by a car and falling into said pile of shit. It was a truly glorious moment in my career."

I probably shouldn't have laughed, but you know me, I just can't help myself. I tried to hide behind my hand, but it was just impossible, because the more I thought about it, the funnier it became. "I'm sorry, but that is terribly horrific and hilarious." I said as I let my hand fall onto her lap, my fingers fanning out across her thigh. "So why exactly did you get fired? I mean.. it can't be legal to fire someone for falling in dung."

I saw her eyes move from my face down to my hand and back to my face again. "Because I fell on the camera and broke a 3,000 dollar lens. My boss was seriously like the devil's daughter or something. I fucking hated that cuntbubble." She rolled her eyes but then grinned. "Yesterday before we left to come here, Lele ended up like cussing her out in front of everyone though. Oh my God. I think I would have given a toe to be able to see that moment."

"She sounds like a waffly twat. Serious people and their serious business. Don't they know that no one has time for that rubbish?" I shook my head. Oh how I was glad that I didn't have to deal with that shit anymore. "_She, _cussed her out?" I raised my brow, completely shocked by this information. "I don't know the girl, but I seriously would have expected _you_ to be the one to do that. Not her. I mean, the way you snapped off at me..." I laughed quietly.

She covered her eyes with her hand and laughed. "God. Sorry about that. I just hate being accused of something I'm not doing. And I'm a bitch," she grinned. "I was actually shocked too. I mean, Lele is really chill but sometimes she just snaps and breaks off crazy and it's honestly pretty terrifying. I did find out that the ex boss found out I called her a cunt though. That made me quite happy. But now I'm wondering what the fuck I'm going to do while I'm here because I really am Lele's peasant.

"The quiet ones are always the scariest.. I'm just waiting for Phil to go on a killing spree." That was a joke, you peasants, don't get your knickers in a wad. "Well you've got me to hangout with. It's not like I have a real job or anything." I proposed. I hoped she wanted to hang out again. Actually, it didn't matter if she wanted to or not, I was going to Cat-Nap, ha ha ha, her again regardless. "If you meant work-wise though, London is bloody huge. I'm sure you could find something to occupy you."

She raised an eyebrow and smiled at me. "Aww, Dan. You want to hang out with me more? I feel special," she stuck her tongue out and crossed one of her eyes. "I've mainly just been worried about sitting in the apartment alone all day while Lele is off doing serious business. I like saying that. It's your fault. Serious business."

Of course I wanted to hang out with her again. "Duh, you're like me with boobs and a better aroma." I laughed. "Who wouldn't want to hang out with you?" I looked up at her blinking rather quickly. "Well, I'm only, what, four doors down? You can hang out with me whenever you want. I would give you my phone number, but I'm not moving unless the flat catches fire, and even then, I might not."

"You might need to move if the house catches fire. I don't think that you would be able to change your user name on every website you're signed up with to DanISonfire," she informed me, laughing when she was done speaking.

"Holy Hell!" I threw my head back yet again - apparently a common occurrence with this girl around, and started laughing. "That was good. Like really good.. I may or may not be thinking of a way to use that in a future video, just so you know." I told her as I raised my hand from her lap and rubbed my chin.

"Go right ahead," she laughed as she brought her hand up to rub her chin like I was. "If I were a dude I would do this like all the time. I mean, I could do it now but it just looks better if you have stubblies there or something. I'd just look like a dumbass rubbing her face for no reason."

"I don't have any _stubblies_." I mocked her accent, opening my eyes a bit wider in an attempt to make myself look like her. "So does that mean I look like a dumbass who's rubbing his chin for no reason?" I asked, my brow perked high. Out of nowhere, a yawn hit me and I didn't even bother to cover my mouth as I let it contort my face. "Bloody hell." I said through it, shaking my head when it was over. "You're not tired are you? It's probably.. I don't know, late, by now. Maybe even _early _depending on how you look at it."

She brought her hand up and rubbed my cheek. "You do too have stubblies!" she said before suddenly leaning towards me and pressing her cheek against mine. "Oooo stubblies. Our faces are having sex." She cleared her throat as she leaned back as if she hadn't done anything odd at all. "Whatever time it is, I'm still on California time so I'm like yaaaay!" she flailed her left arm around. "But I think you might be tired," she laughed, referring to my yawn.

"Seriously? You think you can just go around having face sex with me? What if you got me pregnant, hmm? You said you're just a peasant. How would you support our litter of face babies?!" I asked sounding outraged. "Oh shit, I forgot about that. California is like 50 hours behind us. Okay, so that's not possible.. like 8 hours, right? Something like that? Oi, your sleep schedule is going to be so fucked!" I laughed and then shrugged as I felt another yawn coming on. "Oh, you know-" I had to stop because my mouth was being stretched open, giving birth to the world's largest inhalation and exhalation of air. "I'm awake."

She busted out laughing. "A litter of face babies? Oh God," she shook her head. "What the fuck sort of accents would they have? That'd be madness," she laughed. "Awww. Do you need sleepy times, Dan?" she asked, moving her hand to the back of my head again to play with my hair.

"I reckon they'd sound like a crossbreed of Sookie and the Queen." I laughed, knowing that made little to no sense - but when did I ever make sense? Don't answer that. "Mmm." I moaned and rested my head against her chest. "If you keep doing that I'm going to pass out on your tits."

She started laughing which sounded really odd with my ear pressed against her chest. "Oh God," she said while obviously yawning. "Now you're making me yawn. Did you give me rohypnol, Dan? It wasn't necessary to get me into bed."

"Oh God." I laughed quietly, my voice muffled since my face was pressed against her cleavage, which was softer than my own bloody pillows. "I'm starting to wonder if maybe you slipped me some." I had gotten really tired out of nowhere; or maybe it was just the fact that she was playing with my hair, and that she was really warm and cuddling with me. "Good to know though, that I don't have to roofie you to bed you."

"Nah. I don't know where to get drugs here," she sighed. "Okay, there's no way to say this without it sounding really horrible so know that I don't mean it in a sexual way but why don't we go to your bed because I think you're fading pretty fast in boobland down there."  
"I think that's the best thing I've ever heard in my entire life." I said as I finally lifted my head off of her chest. Opening my eyes widely, I stretched a bit before tucking one arm under her knees and one on the small of her back. One, two, up we go. "Ahh." I grunted as I stood up, carrying her like a baby. "Must make it to bed. Cannot collapse in the hallway again." I said more to myself than to her, and after a few seconds I was at my bedroom door, which was already open, thank God. With a few more steps we were at my bed and I more or less drooped her on top of it. Oops. "Sorry about that." I laughed as I collapsed beside her.  
She let out a hilarious squealing noise when I dropped her. "If I had a cell phone, I'd totally be on it on my twitter all like. O-M-F-G. Danisnotonfire totally just carried me to bed. Getting preggerz. Kbye." While saying all of this she crawled towards the top of my bed and peeled the covers back. "Come on lazy man. Get under the covers."  
"Thus creating another shit storm in my tumblah tag." I sighed, not that I really cared; that kind of stuff was at least amusing. "You can use mine if you want." Shut up, I can't help that I like getting reactions out of people. "Cannot be bothered to move." I mumbled, but moved around anyways, trying to tug the covers out from under myself. Finally accomplishing it, I pulled them over top of us, wrapped my arms around Cat, and nuzzled the side of my face against her chest.  
I honestly don't know what I was expecting when I did that but it shocked me for some reason when I felt her scoot closer to me and slide her arm around to my back. "For the record, I would never really do that," she said as she began moving her fingertips up and down my spine. "The twitter thing. I would never be all like Oh yeah I'm totally hanging out with Dan. Look at me, look at me."  
It had been a while since I had someone to cuddle with, and since my stuffed Totoro couldn't play with my hair or rub my back, it didn't count. Yes, I consider it a person. Anyways, I had to say, that this was quite enjoyable for several reasons. "I figured if you were going to do something like that, you would have done it earlier when I was being a _thick waffly twat._" I said quietly, my body getting tingly as sleep crept upon me. "But, thanks, that's good to know." I somehow managed to find a string of her hair and twirled it around my finger slowly until I drifted off to sleep.


	5. Nutella Waffles & How To Be Sanitary

**Leila's POV**

"_Oh saucyyy. Look at the drool that's slowly dripping from Phil's mouth onto his chin. That's sexual." _  
"_And what about that soft, sensual snore rattling from the depths of Lele's throat? I'm a little turned on by this."_  
"_Oh yeahhhh. What's got me all hot and bothered is that hot wet puddle of drool on Phil's shirt. Your friend really knows how to work that... saliva." _  
"AAAH!" A high pitched squeal from Phil scared the living shit out of me and I sat straight up. "What the hell, Dan?"Phil shrieked.  
My eyes nearly went crossed and everything was a bright blur. "Ow!" I grabbed the back of my neck which was extremely sore, and at that point I had no idea why. I squeezed my eyes shut and opened them again. I could see a blurry Cat and Dan sitting on the floor in front of me with a camera - "Are you recording right now?" I groaned, my eyes squinted as I looked around. Phil was sitting beside me with his hands over his face saying, "Dan, seriously, turn it off," apparently we had fallen asleep on the couch. Which explained why my neck felt like it was broken.

"Oh Phil, don't be modest. Leila, resume your position, the camera loves you two," Dan said, and I could feel the camera zooming in on my face. Phil and I both reached for a couch cushion at the same time to throw at him. Since I've got the attitude of Medusa when I've just been roused, I yanked it from him and promptly chucked it at Dan. I don't even know if it hit him because I had buried my face into the back of the couch. "Go, away. Too early," I mumbled.

"I guess I should have mentioned that she's comparable to Satan when she wakes up?" I heard Cat say which was followed by laughter from Dan and Phil.

"You two just looked so cute all cuddled up on the couch. We couldn't resist. I totally ship it."

Note to self: Shoot Cat in the face later.

"What would our ship name be?"

Wait, did Phil really say that?

"Ummmm." I couldn't see her but I imagined Cat was looking up at the ceiling tapping her chin. "Phileila!" she giggled.

"Phileila," Phil repeated, laughing. "I like it."

He likes it? Is this real life? Am I dreaming? Okay so I can't be in a complete shit mood _now. _Phil just said he liked _our _ship name. I wiggled around and pulled my knees up to my chest and looked at Cat and Dan again. I don't think I can make direct eye contact with Phil - I might die.

"What time is it?" I asked, struggling to keep my lids open.

Dan was still recording us, and again, I could feel the camera zooming in and out on our faces. "It is 11:07,"

"So it's actually 3 in the morning." I replied groggily. "Wonderful."

"Oh God," Phil laughed. "You two are going to go through hell trying to get in the correct time zone sleep schedule."

"I just gave Cat a fuck load of coffee and she's alright," Dan replied.

"No one should ever give either of you coffee. Ever," Phil laughed. "What did you two get up to last night?"

"What did _you two_ get to up last night?" Cat responded while wiggling her eyebrows at him and then winking at me.

"We're not the ones who ran out announcing that we were going to go have sex!" Phil responded. His hair was pointing like 20 different directions and he still looked adorable.

"The people who seem innocent are the ones you have to worry about," Cat pointed at him. "And she's just as bad as I am. Don't let her fool you."

"Okay," I began as I let my feet touch the hardwood floor, "I'm going to go make coffee and die again." I stood up, taking a cushion with me. As I passed by Cat, I whacked her in the back of the head with it then sat it down on the loveseat.

"Uh oh, she's doing the walk of shame!" Dan laughed. "Cat, I have a feeling that you should bleach the couch if you ever plan on sitting on it again."

I got into the kitchen when I remembered that I had no idea how to work the coffee pot, so I turned around again, picked up the cushion, and hit Dan on top of the head with it.

Phil let out a happy sounding sigh. "It's so nice to have someone on my team now."

"Does that mean Dan and I are a team against you two? I don't like Lele anymore. She's abusive towards me too. I can't help that I'm just a little peasant," she began pretending to cry and crawl towards me. "Masterrr! Why don't you love me?" she asked as she literally wrapped her arms and legs around my leg and latched onto me.

"Oh kitty Cat, you know I wuvvv youuuu." I laughed, because how could anyone not laugh at that? "You're my favorite liddo peasant," I bent down to hug her, which was a lot harder than it sounds because Catherine is vertically challenged. "I'm just a grumpy hag when I wake up. Especially when I wake up to two people filming me and doing commentary."

"I hope that the Phandom is ready because something tells me that Dan is about to have a new addition to his videos," Phil said as he stood up and walked towards me and the peasant wrapped around my leg. "And I'll make the coffee for you," he grinned as he walked past and I'm pretty sure my panties melted off.

"Oh God!" Cat laughed as she leaned back to look up at me. "I can't do that because Lele will really be terrified of the murderous 12 year olds then."

"What?" Phil laughed.

I thought about running down the hall before Cat told the story but honestly at that point I'd already said too many things that gave away the fact that I was, in fact, unhealthily obsessed.

"The girls in the Phandom scare us so badly on Tumblr that Lele is like permanently damaged by them," she laughed. "I am too though. They seriously scare the living shit out of me," she said as she moved off of my leg and stood up. I looked at her face and noticed that she still had whiskers on her face and she was still wearing her pajamas.

I looked at Dan and realized he had whiskers too and was wearing what I saw him in the night before.

"Did you two spend the night together?" I asked, grinning as I folded my arms over my chest.

Dan pointed the camera at Catherine, who simultaneously looked at him before glancing back at me. "Why are you looking at me with those judge-y eyes, Lele? You and Phil were cuddled up on the couch." She smiled.

"Valid point." I wavered. Although, it hadn't been done on purpose. I honestly didn't even remember falling asleep. I tilted my head, which caused my neck to ache again. "Ahh." I winced, grabbing it again.

"Uh oh. Too much of this motion last night?" Dan began, turning the camera around on himself as he bobbed his head up and down, his mouth open in a circle.

"You're good at that!" I smiled, "I take it that you've had your fair share of practice?"

He sighed and shook his head. "I walked right into that one."

Phil and Cat both cracked up laughing quite loudly. "Zing!" Cat said, imitating Dan.

"Oh bloody hell. You really are the female version of him," Phil told her as she walked into the kitchen.

"Shush your cute face, Philertons," she bumped her hip against his and I shook my head as I shuffled back towards the couch and fell onto it on my stomach.

"Oh check her out, getting a whiff of Phil's bum off of that couch cushion. Oh, saucyyy." Dan said. I didn't have to look to know that he was filming me again.

"I hate you," My voice was muffled against it before I sat back up. I couldn't win here. I should just quit.

"I need a gallon of Mountain Dew. And you English people don't sell it." I made a crying-cackle-like noise to show my despair.

Everyone got kind of quiet and then suddenly started laughing.

"Oh God, I didn't know that you were actually sort of retarded like Cat is," Dan said from behind his camera.

"You just called yourself retarded, Dan. I just said that Cat was just like you."

"HA. HA. Assface," Cat pointed towards him from where she was now sitting on the kitchen counter next to Phil and the coffee pot.  
"Leila, how do you like your coffee?" Phil asked me, ignoring Cat and Dan like they really were our annoying children.  
"Saturated in Mountain Dew." I whined again. Damn it, I think I'm having withdrawals. "Just kidding. With milk and sugar." I shot him a smile, and then just kept my gaze in his direction, smiling to myself.  
"I see what you're doing over there." Dan teased. "Phileila is happening, I can feel it in my balls."  
"Me too," Cat replied with a very serious expression.  
"Ew. You do not have balls!" Phil laughed. "Does she?" he looked over at me and then at Dan. "Does she?" he smirked, raising his eyebrows.

"She has loins, which are the female equivalent to balls," I laughed. "Cat, are your loins destroyed? Have you lost the ability to can yet? Has your can function completely broken?!" I asked and then gasped. "CAN! HA! That's your ship name!" I jumped up and pointed at her like I had just made a miraculous discovery.

Her and Phil's eyes got wide and they started laughing at the exact same time. "Holy shit, dude. Best ship name ever!" Cat clapped as she laughed. "My best friend, ladies and gentleman. She is the awesomest of all awesomes."

I took a bow and moved my arm out in front of me. "You're welcome." I winked, clicked my tongue, and pointed at her before sitting back down.

"I don't know," Phil began as he made his way from the kitchen back into the living room. "That was a clever name, but I think Phileila is the best ship name I've heard in awhile," he smiled as he offered me one of the mugs.

Excuse me while I melt into a puddle of fangirl.

I took the mug from him and smiled up at him. "Thank you very much and I agree, by the way," I said before taking a sip of the coffee.

Phil sat next to me with his own cup and I only tore my eyes away from him to look over at Cat and Dan who were both staring at us like we were a damn tv show or something.

"Le, when do you have to do important movie type things?" Cat asked as Dan stood up from the floor with almost his entire ass hanging out of his pants and made his way towards the kitchen for some coffee.

"Oh shit!" I gasped and flung my hand to my mouth. "Dude, I completely forgot all about that," I laughed and shook my head as I sat my coffee down on the table and immediately started looking for my iPhone. And can I just say, I much prefer my Blackberry to this confusing piece of technology.

"Leila, I'm glad you decided to come to London! Look forward to working with you. I'll be in New York until Saturday, so that will give you some time to settle in. I hope the flat is to your standards and I hope you enjoy your stay - Oliver." I read the message out loud then laughed. "Pft, the flat is beyond my standards. I feel like we lived in a cardboard box before we came here."

"So that means that you get to hang out with us for a few days before all your serious business?" Phil asked me with the cutest hopeful look on his face.

I looked at Catherine, who was already looking at me with a devilish smile, thus causing me to smile and proceed to giggle. I took a few seconds to collect myself before looking back at Phil and nodding. "I believe it does, sir."

"So did Phil tell you he's been stalking you?" Dan chimed in, causing Phil too look like he was going to die of embarrassment. "Oh come on, we're all a bunch of fangirls.. and boys. I don't think it's creeping Leila out," Dan pointed the camera at me, "... Or is it?"

"Yes. I'm terrified. If you're anything like your weirder Phans, I'm going to need you to keep a 10 foot distance from my bum at all times. I don't want to be sodomized by a cactus."

"I do own a cactus," Phil replied with a serious look on his face. Dan turned the camera on him and his serious look turned into laughter. "I have not been stalking you though, just for the record."  
"Don't let him lie to you."  
I ignored what Dan said, smiled at Phil, and grabbed my coffee mug again, "So do you two not have any serious business to tend to today? Or, uh, as serious of business that two Youtubers might have?" I asked before taking a sip.  
"I have nothing to do," Phil replied looking over at me. "We could go on an adventure if you like?"  
Cat gasped loudly and looked over at Dan. "They don't love us anymore!" she said as dramatically as possible before putting her hands over her face and pretending to cry.  
"See what you two did!" Dan shook his finger at us before putting an arm around Cat and pulling her against his side.  
That bitch was trippin' balls inside. I know her.  
"Anyway," Phil looked over at me. "Are you up for it or do you need more sleep?"  
"Yeah, I mean, yeah I'm up for it. I'll live without going back to sleep... Uh I wouldn't mind a shower though. All that hot nasty sex we were having last night is making me feel dirty," I laughed and looked at Cat waiting for a reaction.  
"Ours was way hotter," she grinned at me before reaching over and petting Dan's chest.  
"I doubt that," Phil responded before looking over at me and winking. "I'm going to go get a shower too. Just text me when you're ready. Alright?"  
"Oh I will." I smiled widely. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! Stop. Saying. Shit. Like. That. It wasn't even _that _bad, but the way it came out was horrible.

Phil got up and headed towards the door and I looked at Dan and then at Catherine, narrowing my eyes, trying to communicate, 'oh my God, make him leave so I can fucking scream,.'

"Are you going to go shower so we can go on an epic adventure too?" Cat asked Dan as she looked up at him.

"I thought I already took you on an epic adventure in my bed this morning?"

She laughed. "If by epic adventure you mean falling asleep face first in my cleavage then yeah, you did."

"Dan, come on," Phil said as he slipped his shoes back on. "Cat will be here when you're done showering."

Dan huffed, "Fiiiine, if I must," He pushed himself off of the floor. "I need to charge my camera battery anyways. Cat, I'll see you later. Leila, I'll make sure Phil doesn't bring his Cactus with him." He winked and followed Phil out of the door. However Phil smacked into his chest as he turned around and waved, "Bye guys!"

Once the door was shut I mentally counted to five and then jumped to my feet, dove over the table and lunged at Catherine. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! OH MY GOD! CATHERINE ELIZABETH RADLEY! WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK IS THIS?" I screamed, shaking her much like I did when we found out we were coming here in the first place. I was having the biggest, most ridiculous fangirl freakout known to man.

Cat was screaming as well and had wrapped her arms around me so tightly that something in my back popped. "I HAVE LOST ALL MY CAN ABILITIES. SERIOUSLY!" she yelled as she leaned back and held her hand up which was trembling. "I'm shaking! My loins are quivering!" she laughed. "I feel like none of this is real and I'm gonna wake up to my annoying alarm clock back in LA. I'm tripping. The Fuck. Out."

Of course as soon as she said something about dreaming, I took it upon myself to pinch her arm, which caused her to squeal "OW! DAMN YOU!"

"AT LEAST NOW YOU KNOW YOU AREN'T DREAMING!" I shook her again and then gave her the biggest, tightest hug that I possibly could. I actually had to stop myself from continuing to squeeze her, out of fear that I would break her because she was so tiny. "OH MY GOD! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF!" I yelled and then rolled off of her, laying with my back against the floor beside her as I kicked my legs in the air. "What am I even going to wear?! All of my shit is still packed! Oh my God, Oh my God! I need a Xanax, and a Mountain Dew. MOUNTAIN DEW!" Yeah I know the caffeine wouldn't help my heart palpitations, but it was my comfort. I could see myself cuddling a 2 liter and telling it all about how Phil and I were about to go hang out, and how Catherine and Dan were slowly becoming _Can_. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I screamed again, just for good measure.

Cat was laughing so hard that tears were rolling down her cheeks and she ended up getting choked and sounding like she was dying. "Dude, I don't know if those tears are from laughing or crying because of all of my feels. I mean, do you realize we both just SLEPT literally SLEPT with Dan and Phil? AND you are about to go on some adventure with Phil! And, and Dan wants to hang out with ME? WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING? I THINK WE'RE DEAD." Her eyes got really big and she gasped. "WHAT IF THE PLANE CRASHED AND NONE OF THIS IS REALLY REAL? WE'RE DEAD!"  
Since I hadn't really considered the fact that I had indeed _slept _with Phil, even if it was the most uncomfortable thing my body had ever been through, I screamed again and kicked my legs even harder. "THEN I HEART MY AFTERLIFE!" Seriously, this could be heaven; my regular daily life was never this amazing. "Dude! Right now we would be in Los Angeles in Medusa's lair, hating our lives!" Actually, we would both still be sleeping, but you get what I mean. I rolled over onto my side and propped my elbow on the floor, cupping my cheek with my palm. "What did you and Dan do last night!? And, how long were you two sitting there f-recording us? Oh God, you don't think they'll post any of that do you?" I suddenly looked slightly worried. "I don't want to be attacked!"  
Cat laughed as she sat up and turned so that her back was pressed against the couch. "Knowing Dan, he'll probably post it at least on his 2nd channel or something. I don't know. I don't even want to begin to think of the shit storm that would happen," she shook her head with a genuine look of fear in her eyes. "And we just talked a lot. Ya know, with me sitting on his lap and then cuddling with him IN HIS FUCKING BED!" She raised her arms above her head and waved them around while squealing. "What did you and Phil do?"  
"Cuddling and sitting on his lap!?" I gasped, then kicked my legs again. It hadn't even happened to me and I could literally feel her _feels. _"IN HIS BED?! YOU GOT IN HIS BED?! YOU LUCKY, LUCKY MINX!" I pushed myself up and sat on my bottom, clapping my hands together excitedly. "Oh me and Phil? Nothing like that! We literally sat on the couch browsing random Tumblr tags and Googled weird things until we apparently passed out? Oh I know, so sexual! I don't even remember falling asleep." I turned my head to rest my chin against my shoulder when I picked up a manly scent. "Oh My God... I SMELL LIKE HIM! SMELL ME!" I flung myself towards her, pulling the collar of my shirt out so I could shove it against her nose.  
She laughed loudly before inhaling deeply. "Oh damn!" she said before sniffing again. "Phil smells sexy. Sexy Phil, sexy Phil!" she started moving her body around looking crazy. "Lele is gonna have sex with Phil!"  
I gasped, "Phil does not have sex, Cat! He's like an innocent little... kitten. Kittens can't have sex, it's against nature." I wondered how he would feel if he heard that. Probably like less of a man.. Note to self, don't mention that to him. Ever. Seriously, don't do it.  
Cat smacked her forehead. "Phil has a penis that I'm sure works just fine. Don't sit over there and act like you haven't violently fapped while imagining it. Also, you should probably go shower since you are going on an adventure with him."  
"I'm not acting like that at all. I've vapped, Violently fapped, to thoughts of him loads of times... I'm just saying.. It's hard to imagine _him _being sexual! Although, now that I think about it.. I imagine he would make random animal noises," I burst out laughing and put both of my hands over my mouth to try to drown it out, then realized, holy hell, I do have an adventure to tend to, so I jumped to my feet and offered Cat my hand to help her up. "I need your assistance. Seriously, no idea what to do with myself. I have lost my ability to function like a normal human being."  
She let me help her up and then laughed at me the whole way down the hall. "Okay, lets pick out an outfit for you before you get in the shower. I can't exactly help with the shower part. Well, I could but that'd be a bit saucy."  
Cat let me borrow her lion shirt, saying that Phil would appreciate it more than anything fancy or dressy. I took the fastest shower in history and then made Cat fishbone braid my hair. After that I was ready to go, because I'm not really a girl. Well I am, but I lack most girly qualities and didn't own any makeup other than mascara.

"Okay, deep breaths," I said as I picked up the phone to text Phil. "Why the fuck am I so nervous? He _told _me to text him."

"How the fuck do they get this shit off of their faces?" Cat yelled from the bathroom.

I laughed, "I'll ask Phil!" I yelled back at her as I unlocked the screen on the phone.

**1 New Msg: Phil: Hey,**

"Hi.." I said out loud in a happy-sighing kind of voice.

**Hey! Any advice on how to get those whiskers off? I think Cat's used everything but bleach. I'm ready, btw.**

"Okay, I text him!" I announced then flailed my arms out like the ridiculous woman that I am.

"Thank you," she whined. "I think I've already destroyed a few layers of skin in here."

The phone vibrated letting me know I had a new text.

**lol! Dan said he'll bring something over for her. I'll be there in a second.**

"Fuck it! I'm getting in the shower!" she announced. "If you leave before I'm done, don't do anything I wouldn't do!"

"Dan said he'd bring you something!" I yelled as I heard the bathroom door shut. "Is there anything that you _wouldn't _do?" I asked, holding my hands at the sides of my mouth to try and amplify my voice, though I wasn't sure if she heard me.

"Knock knock." I heard Phil say as he tapped on the door. I took in a deep breath and jumped back to my feet. "I'm coming!" I said as I hurried towards the door. I jumped around in front of it then counted three before opening the door, smiling like I hadn't just had that little freakout moment.

"Hey!" I said like I hadn't just seen him an hour ago.

"Hey!" He smiled at me looking even more cute than he had when he left earlier. He wasn't wearing his glasses today so I could see just how insanely blue his eyes were. Swoon much?

"I thought we'd go get some food first? I'm starving," he told me as I closed the door behind me.

"Wait!" I looked to my right to see Dan running towards us with his camera in one hand and a laptop bag on his shoulder. "Let me in so I can scare her in the shower and record it. Pleaaaase!" he begged, poking his bottom lip out.

Normally, I would be very much against anyone screwing with Cat, but if Dan took care of this, then I wouldn't have to shoot her in the face later on today. Which would be a big help, since I didn't want to go to jail for murder. Or kill my best friend. "Go right ahead," I Slid out of the door so he could go into our flat. "Food sounds great, by the way." I said to Phil. Poor guy is always getting interrupted by someone.

"Have you ever had a Nutella waffle?" he asked as we stepped into the elevator.

"I have never had Nutella anything," I admitted with a laugh and just waited for him to freak out, as people always did when I told them I have never tried it.

"Prepare to have a mouth orgasm," he said as the doors closed. "Actually, this place has like any kind of waffle you can think of. I would eat there every single day if I could." He smiled and I saw his eyes move downward and back up to my face. "You look really nice, by the way."

"Are they so good that I'll want to mouth fap?" I asked, chuckling. I should have known some part of this date would involve waffles. Wait, was this even a date? Before I could even allow myself to start a girly mental debate over it, I decided that it wasn't. It was two people hanging out. Unless stated otherwise. "Thanks," I scrunched my nose up, smiling at him. "Your eyes look extra blue without your glasses," I pointed up at them, tilting my head. They were insanely gorgeous.

He laughed and moved his head to the side a bit to get the hair out of his eyes. "Thank you." Awww, was he blushing? His cheeks looked a bit pink.

There was about ten seconds of silence before the elevator doors opened, which may or may not have been awkward for him, but since I'm the kind of person who overanalyzes every single aspect of my entire life, I assumed that it was. "So, I hope you left that cactus at home..." I laughed, knocking my elbow into him as we stepped out of the compartment.

"I knew I was forgetting something! Let me go back." He turned to walk towards the elevator again and then turned back around, laughing. "Just kidding," he said as he stepped ahead of me to open the door for me.

Most people are under this huge influence of thinking that southern men are _gentlemen _who open doors for girls and old women. Let me just clear that up for you. They're not. Those assholes would let a door close on their grandmother. So when he did it, I died a little. "You can go get it if you'd like, but it better stay a safe distance away from my ass." I felt so dirty even saying ass in front of him, because I'd never really heard him swear in his videos. Then again, that was in his videos. He could have the mouth of a sailer.

"No worries. My cactus will not go anywhere near your ass unless you ask for it," he paused as we stepped out onto the sidewalk. "And even then I probably wouldn't let it go near your ass because that would be really, really odd."

I cackled and looked up at him as we walked down the sidewalk. "Don't worry, I'm a weirdo, but even I wouldn't go that far." The streets were a lot more crowded now than they had been last night and cars hissed down the street so fast that it made me never want to get into one. "Oh! A double decker bus thing!" I said, sounding like a complete dipshit because I had no idea what the real name was for those huge red busses. I pulled my phone out of my bag and stopped to take a picture. "Sorry, I get really excited over really simple stuff."

He was smiling a really big smile at me when I looked over at him again. "Don't apologize. I was the same way the first time I came here and I've lived in England my whole life," he laughed. "We can get on one of those when we're done eating. The restaurant is only a couple of blocks away," he said while pointing straight ahead.

There was a break in traffic and Phil looked both ways before I felt his hand grasp mine. "Come on!" he laughed, pulling me across the road along with him.

I gasped for two reasons, the first being that he said we could get on one of the busses, the second being - holy moley, he grabbed my hand! Phil was touching me. I molded my hand against his and ran behind him as we crossed the busy street. Once we were back on the sidewalk I gasped again. "I wonder if that's the one that will take us to the Ministry of Magic?" I laughed, pointing at one of the red phone booths. I was tempted to grab my phone out of my bag again, but I didn't want to let go of his hand. Shut up, you wouldn't want to either.

Instead of letting go of my hand like I figured he would, he laced his fingers with mine as we continued walking down the sidewalk. "Is it much colder here round this time of year than it is in LA? I've only been there in summer."

My heart was thudding against my ribs and I could feel my stomach doing weird flips. It was _real _hand holding. "Oh, much colder!" I nodded quickly, giggling like an idiot. "It was in the mid 70s when we left, er fahrenheit. No idea what that is in celsius. It feels about this cold at home though, in Tennessee I mean."

"I've never been to Tennessee before. I've heard it's quite pretty in some places," he said as he slowed down in front of a restaurant. "Here it is." He motioned towards the door of the restaurant before leading me inside. He didn't let go of my hand until we sat down at a little booth.

"It smells like sugar and spice and everything nice in here," I commented as I shrugged out of my sweater and looked around.  
"Oh, that's actually me," he replied, grinning at me.

I instantly started laughing and shaking my head. "You're ridiculous."

"'Ello, wha' woul' ya like ta drink?" The waitress asked, which made me jump a little because I hadn't even seen her appear.

"Mountain Dewwwww," I sighed, and she looked at me like I was stupid. "Kidding, tea, with lemon, please." I nodded.

"Same here," Phil smiled, and the lady walked away. "You're really hard up for some of that Mountain Dew stuff, aren't you?" He laughed.

"Yes! I'm having serious withdrawals. It's the only thing I really miss about the states. Well, that and my ability to work a coffee pot. But I'm sure I'll figure these foreign ones out eventually."

"I'm sure there's a sweet shop around here somewhere that sells it. I mean they have certain American candy that most stores don't carry."

I sighed and rest my cheek against my palm, "Please don't get my hopes up," I laughed. "I'm not sure I could handle the disappointment."

"I'll figure out a way to get you some Mountain Dew. I promise," he smiled. The waitress walked up again and placed our tea in front of us.

"Fig'ad out wut ya want yet?" She asked as she chomped away on her bubblegum.

I looked at Phil as I grabbed a straw from the dispenser at our table, "I'll have what he's having." I smiled and looked back up at the waitress, who was now looking at him.

"Two Nutella waffles for both of us, please," he told her as he picked up our menus and handed them to her. He looked back at me when she walked off and he laughed. "Are you drinking your tea out of that little cup with a straw?"

I had just put the straw into my teacup when he asked me that and I looked up at him to see an amused expression on his face. "I'm not putting my mouth on that thing," I laughed seriously. "I couldn't be paid enough money to do that," I said then took a sip of my tea, through the straw.

"Perhaps that's why Dan and I are always getting sick," he laughed. It shocked me when he grabbed a straw and placed it into his teacup as well. "There. Now I'm being sanitary," he laughed.

"I bet you'll cut back on catching plagues by seventy percent by doing that!" I said before taking another sip. "Though it does look a little ridiculous.." I shrugged. I hardly doubt he gave a toss about looking ridiculous.

"Basically part of my job is looking ridiculous so it's not a problem," he laughed. "It's so weird to be hanging out with someone new like this. We've been so busy lately I rarely see other people except for Dan," he laughed. "I'm really glad you two moved in and Dan flipped out so I'd have to come apologize."

"I can relate. I mean, I'm not a big time Youtube celebrity, but I stayed super busy in LA. I don't even remember what having a social life is like.. Oh wait, I've never known what that's like," I laughed then had to stop myself from squealing. "I'm surprised that you even came to say sorry. Nothing against you," I held my hands up, "But.. I don't know, I figured the most we would see of you two would be awkward trips in the elevator."

"When we heard you two in the store, I was honestly a bit frightened," he laughed. "And like, Dan was already in a horrible mood because of the crap going on in the tumblr tags. So when you two started singing behind us and he turned around and saw that it was you two, he just snapped and I was like 'OH MY GOD. PLEASE STOP. I WANT TO DIE OF EMBARRASSMENT'," he laughed. "I really thought that Catherine was going to pull out a shank and end Dan's life and then you had this look on your face of pure terror. Oh God, it was so horrible. I'm glad it turned out much differently in the end. I can't believe those two are acting like bffs now."

I winced and clenched my teeth as I brought my hand up to cover my mouth. I had forgotten all about them overhearing us at the store. "We really didn't mean to come off weird," I shook my head, letting my hand fall back to my lap. "Cat and I both have very... big personalities, and we say a lot of retarded stuff that probably makes everyone question our sanity, but we would never go to those lengths. Honestly, we didn't even know you guys were in the store, let alone in front of us..." I explained, "I'm glad it ended up the way it did too.. And I can believe it.. I know I don't really _know _Dan, but from his videos, it seems like they were separated at birth," I grimaced, "Which is now a very disgusting thought since they were talking about having so much sex."

The waitress walked up and sat our plates down in front of us. I couldn't help but notice the look on her face because obviously she heard me say something about sex.

No fucks were given.

"Honestly I thought it was really funny. Well, after I realized you two weren't underage weirdos," he laughed. "And it is more flattering than anything, honestly. I mean who wouldn't be flattered by a beautiful woman saying naughty things about him?"

Did he REALLY just say that?! Was he indirectly calling ME beautiful? (kdhsfkjhaajfdfhkjhfskjfhjfhk jdsfhdskjfhkashdkj). "I guess you've got a point," I smiled, somehow containing myself as I used the side of my fork to cut off a piece of my waffle. Stabbing the tips into it, I held it out towards Phil, who leaned in as if he were about to eat it, cause I think he thought I was trying to feed him - "To being a somewhat sane, yet terribly filthy minded adult," I cheers-d him with my waffle.

He laughed, realizing what I was trying to do and held up a piece of his own waffle before tapping it against mine. "That was definitely my first cheers with a bite of waffle," he said before popping the bite of food into his mouth. "I'm not so different from Dan, by the way. I mean, I am more calm and definitely more sane but I mostly keep myself at a PG-13 level because our fans are so young and my Mum and Grandmum would probably kill me if they heard me yelling 'fuck' in every one of my videos."

I did the same with my piece of Nutella covered waffle and couldn't believe what I had been missing out on all of these years. "So, good," I said as I chewed, because I'm a lady. I took another sip of tea through my straw as he explained himself. So Cat was right, again! She really was a wise owl. "Really? I guess I kind of had this assumption about you that you were.. more tame?" I shrugged. Tame was the only word I could think of that described what Dan wasn't. I laughed - why was it so funny to hear him say _fuck_? "That's what I get for judging people based off of the internet.. That's cute though, censoring yourself for your mom and granny."

"I told you they were amazing," he grinned before taking a sip of his tea. The thought randomly came to my head that I wished I could take a picture of him right then because he looked so cute. The inner fangirl was alive and well.

"I was raised to be respectful towards women and I guess I am sort of a pussy compared to some guys but I'd rather be like this than be some sort of dickhead that breaks girl's hearts and is completely rude and obnoxious." He waved his fork around and was being all animated just like he did in his videos. Part of me was waiting for some strange animal mating call noise.

"Awww," I smiled up at him as I rested my cheek against my palm. If he got anymore adorable I was just going to croak over. "Well I think it's great. If more _men _acted that way.. well, a lot of us girls would be a lot better off." I was kind of sad that he didn't make any strange sound effect, and the temptation to ask him to was getting stronger. I mean it wouldn't be anymore weird than a random girl licking his face, would it? Or asking if I could cover him in honey and then do a lot of other strange shit to him! as I licked it off and stroked his thighs with the feather from a bald eagle. Yeah, I literally read that in the amazingphil tag on tumblr once. Now do you understand why I am so afraid of some of their fans?

I sat up a bit and cleared my throat, "So I was wondering.." I started giggling quietly, "Could you maybe.. meow for me? Like you do in your videos" I asked, shifting my eyes, feeling like a complete weirdo.

He paused mid-chew and raised an eyebrow while I'm sure he was silently judging me. He cleared his throat and finally smiled after swallowing his food. He held his hands up to make them look like claws. "MEOW!" he made the noise before bursting out laughing.

"Eep!" I smiled like a fool as I clapped my hands together. "I'm sorry, but that's seriously one of my favorite things in the world. Your animals noises," I looked down at the table, sniggering for a few seconds, before looking back up at him. "Thanks for that." I was going to ask him for the Mario 'here we go' impression, but I opted against it.

He laughed and looked thoroughly amused me with me. "I'm pretty sure no one has ever asked me to do that before," he said before taking another bite of his waffle.

"First time for everything," I grinned.

About twenty minutes and four random animal noises later we had left the Waffle shop - I call it a waffle shop because I have no idea what it's actually called - and as Phil promised, we hopped onto a double decker bus to go sight seeing. He pointed out Big Ben, which was cute even though I could have pointed it out myself.

"We should take a picture together!" Phil said out of nowhere as he pulled his phone out of his pocket. He quickly moved his finger across his screen and then put his arm around my shoulders before holding the phone out in front of us.

"Saaay Team Phileila!" he said before pressing the button to take the photo.

"Team Phileila!" We said together. I took this opportunity to nuzzle my cheek against his, smiling the biggest smile I could; which wasn't hard because.. if you need me to explain myself you're an idiot.

Phil turned the phone back around and we both leaned in to look at it. "Awww! We look cute!" he said as he looked down at it. "You look so pretty."

"Thanks." Was really all I could say because if I kept my mouth open for too long I would start screaming, or end up licking his face or something else mildly insane.

"Is it alright with you if I tweet this?" he asked, holding his phone up when he did. "It's okay if you don't want me to."

"I don't mind," I shook my head. "Do you care to send it to me? I'd like to have it."

"Sure," he grinned as he looked down at his phone. A few seconds later I felt my phone vibrating in my bag. "Oh God," Phil laughed. "Dan posted a new video earlier. I'm kind of scared to see what it is."

I pulled my phone out of my bag and nearly dropped it when I heard his comment about Dan posting a new video. "You don't think he posted what he recorded earlier, do you?"

"Let's find out," he said, laughing nervously as he held his phone up so I could see.

Dan and Cat's faces popped up and they were both waving like they had mental disorders.

"Hello internet! I'm here today with my new neighbor. New neighbor, would you like to introduce yourself?" Dan looked over at Cat and she stuck her tongue out at him and crossed her eyes.

"My name is Whiskers."

"This is Whiskers," Dan nodded as he looked back at the camera. "Whiskers and I would like for you-" he paused, raised his brow, and pointed at the camera, "- yeah, _you,_ to send her some questions to ask me! Doesn't that sound like fun everyone?

"NO!" Cat replied.

"Your opinion doesn't, count, peasant!" Dan gave Cat a stupid look. "You can tweet all of your questions to catwhiskers on Twitter, and I'll answer all of them - okay so maybe not all of them - in a special Live show at 9pm London time. Make sure you make them good, cause ole Whiskers over here is only going to pick the best ones. Now Dan, how can this be any different than doing a Q&A with Phil? Well, Whiskers is just as vulgar as I am. See you guys tonight!"

The whole time he was saying that, Cat was inching closer and closer to the side of his face with her mouth wide open and then out of nowhere she bit his neck.

"Oh God, he hates having his neck touched!" Phil said while laughing quite hard.

"I knew we shouldn't have left them alone. They're going to break the internet!"

"AAAH WHAT THE FUCK, WHISKERS! YOU'RE LIKE A BLOODY SHARK!" I heard Dan squeal before the video ended.

"Whew. Looks like we're safe," he grinned at me before sliding his phone back into his pocket. "Am I entertaining enough for you?" he asked with the most adorable unsure look on his face. "It sounds pathetic but it's been a long time since I hung out alone with a girl," he laughed. "And this is probably why so many people think Dan and I are lovers."

"Thank God, I don't know what I would have done had he actually put that horrible footage of us drooling on Youtube for millions of people to see. I mean, people would probably like to lick the drool off of your face, but I think I'd be stoned to death for drooling on your shirt." I laughed and then frowned. "Aww, you're perfectly entertaining! And I _never _thought you and Dan were anything more than best friends. I never shipped _Phan._"

"Thank you very much for that," he laughed and moved his hand up to his hair to readjust it. "This is going to sound odd to ask you but I'm just curious since I know you two are fans. Is Cat like, Team Dan and you're Team Phil or something?" he laughed.

Oh piss! I didn't see that coming.. "Okay, if I answer this question honestly, you won't judge me will you? I mean.. you know I'm not creepy by now.. or at least I hope you know that," I laughed awkwardly.

He held his hands up. "I promise I will not judge you at all. My curiosity is just getting the best of me."

I took in a deep breath for courage and then just went with it, "Alright, so.. I saw one of Dan's videos, the Drama Llama one, a while ago and was like 'Lol, that's funny', but never really.. got into it much further than that. And then one day Catherine was like 'Lele, Dan Howell is so fucking sexy, unf unf unf,' and so on, and - oh 'he and his bff are like us with penises' - anyways she showed me a video that you two did together, I can't remember which one, but I watched it and... I've pretty much had a crush on you ever since," I nodded sufficiently embarrassed. "So.. I guess you could say she's team Dan and I'm team Phil? I don't know. I like Dan's videos. He's hilarious, but I always thought you were adorable." I added, because why not?

The smile on his face was absolutely priceless. "Well, that is exactly what I was hoping to hear, actually. I guess I don't have to worry about hoping that you'll develop a crush on me and say yes if I ask you on a proper date?"

"I-" I closed my mouth, opened it, closed it and opened it again, ".. Are you asking me out on a _proper _date?" I asked, my face flushing a bit. "I mean, no, you wouldn't have to _worry _about that.." I shook my head. I really felt like hiding behind my hands because I'm so damn awkward.

He reached over and picked up my hand from where it was resting on my lap. "Leila Faust, may I take you out on a proper date tomorrow night?"

Dead. Just. Dead. I could feel my palm getting sweaty. Why, in the actual fuck, was he so adorable? "As long as you promise not to let a bouncing steak land on my lap," Wow, good way to answer that question. "Yes," I nodded.

"Oh God," he laughed. "You really are Team Phil. This is truly a beautiful moment. But I promise I will not let any food anywhere near your lap. Or drink. And no cactuses near your bum."

Well that broke any awkward tension that might have been there. I literally laughed in his face.

After two hours of sightseeing we got off of the double decker and walked around town goofing off and talking about nonsensical things. He made loads more animals noises and kept meowing at me at random, though he still hadn't given me the '_Here we goo!' _in his Mario voice. Which was all right. I would eventually either, build up the courage to ask him to do it, or randomly sputter it out at him while thinking about it.

"Where's that music coming from?" Phil paused on the sidewalk while we were walking down it and turned around in a circle trying to figure out where it was coming from. He looked to our left where there was a small park and a few people gathered around a kid that looked like he couldn't have been more than 15 playing a song on an acoustic guitar.

Phil looked over at me and grinned before reaching down and grabbing my hand. "Come on," he said as he pulled me towards the guitar player

Once we were close enough to hear the music which was rather good, Phil stopped and stood in front of me. "Would you like to dance?" he asked, holding our hands out to the side and bowing in front of me.

I giggled. Honestly, I've got two left feet and ugly shoes. Which simply meant, that I cannot dance. But, I was in London, and it was sweet, adorable Phil asking me. I couldn't say no. "Sure," I grinned and stepped in towards him, immediately stepping on his toes. "Sorry!" I apologized, "I should have warned you that I can't dance, not even simple slow dancing."

He had placed his hands on my hips and instead of backing away or telling me to stop trying to murder his fucking feet, he pulled me closer to him. "I could care less. I was just looking for a reason to get a bit closer to you," he admitted, grinning at me. "I'm sorry. I'm probably sounding like some crazy guy who is just moving too fast," he laughed. "But, you're different. It's weird but a great weird."

"You aren't coming off as weird," I reassured. "Would it make you feel better if I told you I was enjoying every bit of it? Because I am.. So, if you're weird, I'm weird." Nodding my head, I started laughing. "Sorry, I just reminded myself of The Notebook. If you're a bird, I'm a bird.." I snorted. "I'm different, though?" I raised my brow, really wanting him to explain, but not wanting to just ask him to.

"Yeah, different," he shrugged. "Not like most girls I meet. You seem sane and calm and you're definitely funny. It's hard to explain but just trust me on it," he laughed. "And I can totally be a bird if you want me to. I'm sure I can make some sort of bird noise."

"And legal," I added for a laugh, then grinned, looking up at him. "Do it!" I said sounding a bit too excited, "Caww, Caww," I tried to sound like a bird. "Yeah, you're much better at sound effects than I am."

He started laughing quite loudly and shook his head. "I'm starting to think you're far too good to be true." He moved his hand from my hip and brought it to the side of my face before rubbing his thumb across my cheek. He stopped moving his feet so that we weren't dancing anymore and he had a very intense look on his face. "Can I kiss you?" he asked, his voice barely a whisper.

My eyes got big and I could feel my heart creeping up into my throat. Perfect man is perfect. What is this. I thought I was going to explode from all of the pheelings that were devouring me. My knees were shaking, my palms were drenched in sweat, and I felt like I had a flock of birds in my stomach. I didn't saying anything back, because I couldn't. I just, I leaned in towards him and closed my eyes.

"OH MY GOD! IT'S AMAZINGPHIL!"  
A shrill of horribly high-pitched voices came out of nowhere and Phil suddenly was gone. He was no longer holding my hips or mere centimeters from my lips. I opened my eyes and he was turned towards his left with a shocked expression on his face. I followed his line of vision to see a group of about 5 girls who couldn't have been more than 13 or 14 years old standing there in full fangirl mode.  
My first thought? They've found me!  
My second thought? Hide behind Phil! So I did.  
My third thought? Please, PLEASE, tell me they didn't see what was about to happen.  
I am one of the most non confrontational people. I don't think I could mentally handle hundreds of thousands of girls wanting to tear my ovaries out of my body and pull my hair from my scalp.  
"Holy shit! I can't believe it's you!" one of the girl's squealed as they approached him. I clenched onto the back of his jacket like I was using him as armor.  
"Hey!" he replied being super sweet of course.

"OH MY GOD! PHIL! PHIL! PHIL! EEP! CAN I TOUCH YOU?!" One of the girls asked, but didn't even wait for permission before jumping up and petting his hair.

"Hi, Phil!" One of the calmer girls waved as she bounced up and down.

"Can we get photos with you?!" Another one asked.

"Who are you?" one of them asked, peeking around Phil's shoulder to try to get a look at me.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I DON'T WANT TO DIE. I was about to say that I was his cousin or something - but... if they did see what almost happened, well, that would have been bad.

"This is my friend Leila," he said, turning a bit so that they could see me better. "And yeah, you can get a photo with me," he said, smiling at them like this was no big deal.

About 10 minutes and 10 photos later, they were very happily bouncing down the sidewalk from wherever Phangirls train to kill girls like me.

"Whew," I wiped the back of my hand across my forehead. "That was... really intense and also really cool.." I then wondered if _I _would ever get noticed like that, with my book, and the movie and all. I mean, as terrifying as it was - for me - I'm sure it felt really awesome for him.

"I have to admit, things like that are flattering," he smiled as he grabbed my hand again which shocked me since there could have been lingering Phans in a bush or something. "But that particular encounter had really shit timing," he laughed.

"Yeah, it did," I chuckled, agreeing with him in more ways than one. They interrupted a kiss, but what was worse - for me - was that they could have seen it. I know how loyal the Phamily is. They're like this crazy royal court. A few snaps of a few fingers and it would be off with my head. "It's all right. I know how it feels to want to meet someone you admre. Though I probably would have waited until after you snogged the girl." I slapped my hand over my mouth, "Did I really just say snog?" I shook my head. Waaayyyy, too much Harry Potter for me.

"Yes, yes you did," he laughed. I'd like to mention that we were still holding hands because, well, it was fucking great.

"Should we head back to the flats and see what the children are up to?"

I nodded, "Yeah, we probably should. There's no telling what kind of damage they've done while we've been gone."

And then, I suddenly gasped, "I have an awesome idea!" I said as I looked up at him, my hand smacking his chest, as if I were trying to get him to realize just how awesome my idea was without hearing it.

"What?" he laughed, looking shocked that I'd just smacked him.

I grimaced, "Sorry for hitting you! I just got really excited." I apologized, "How would you feel about paying Dan back for all of those horrible things he's done to you?" I asked. "He's always trolling on you.. And Cat definitely gives me a hard time any chance she gets. I think we should screw with their live show tonight."  
His eyes got wide with what I assumed was excitement. "I am already loving this idea. What is your plan?"  
"We'll both make fake Twitter accounts and just send in random questions, like things that no fan could possibly ask, just to get them going.. and we could send in statements, like 'hey Dan, go look under your bed' or something and have something horrific under there. They'll never think it's us. We'll say we're going out for ice cream or something while we set the place up."  
At this point we were getting closer to the apartment building and Phil was laughing very hard at my ideas. "This is brilliant. Seriously and it will freak Dan out for sure if we make the twitter account have a name associated with Slenderman." He smirked at me as he opened the door to the lobby of our apartment building for me. "I say we go figure out which apartment they're in and whichever one they're not in, we go ahead and set up. Then we can go over to the apartment they're at and act like we just got home. They'll never suspect a thing."  
I was so excited that he was down for this prank that I literally flung myself at him, forcing him into a hug as I squealed, once we were inside of the elevator. "Ah! This is going to be so amazing!"  
"Whoa!" he laughed, stumbling a bit but managing to keep his footing. His arms wrapped around me but I still stepped back a bit because I had attacked the dude out of nowhere.  
"Sorry about that," I laughed. "I got excited again."  
He didn't respond. He just reached out and grabbed my hand before pulling me towards him so that I literally stumbled and smacked into his chest. He smiled down at me and began moving closer to me slowly, his eyes searching mine and then drifting down to my lips before he finally pressed his lips against them.


	6. Who The Fuck Is Whiskers?

**Cat's POV: **

I was sitting on Dan's bed watching him going through his wardrobe to find a shirt that would keep him from begging to wear my llama one when it hit me that I was actually sitting on Dan's bed and watching him look through his wardrobe.

AND that I was about to be in a live show with him where all of his fans would see me and all hell could and most likely would break loose.  
What the balls?  
"Dan, no one gives a shit about what you're wearing," I laughed, falling backwards on the bed and sighing loudly.  
"No one asked you, peasant," He replied without looking at me as he continued to nose through his clothes. "No. No. No. Hell no. Mother fuck no. No. No. Aha! Perfect," He finally pulled out a baby blue shirt that had floating llamas and stars all over it.. Wait -  
I gasped loudly. "Daniel James Howell! You are a fucking thief!" I sat straight up and pointed at him. "How did you even?"  
Dan smirked, "I'm not a thief! I didn't steal it, I just borrowed it without asking. There's a big difference between the two, you know," He explained. "I got it before I scared the tits off of you while you were in the shower. This could have been avoided if you would have just let me borrow it when I asked for it."  
I rolled my eyes remembering the little shower episode earlier that day. He came very close to seeing me very naked.  
"Fine!" I said as I scooted to the end of the bed and then hopped off. "I'm going to steal one of your shirts then!" I walked over to his wardrobe and opened it knowing exactly which shirt I was looking for. It wasn't that easy to find seeing as though he has so many damn black t-shirts and the one I wanted was black but I finally spotted it. "Yes!" I said excitedly as I held it up to show him. It was his shirt that said 'SHUT UP WOMAN GET ON MY HORSE' on the front.  
Now, I don't know what the actual fuck possessed me to do this but instead of walking out of the room like a normal female, I sat the shirt down on the bed and then proceeded to just remove the t-shirt I was wearing and throw it at his head before picking his shirt up and putting it on. It almost came down to my knees but the boobs did help fill it out.  
"Now we're even," I grinned at him before crawling back onto the bed.  
"Saucy," he wiggled his eyebrows at me as he tilted his head. "My turn."  
He pulled the t-shirt he was wearing off, flung it at my head, and then put my shirt on. It hardly covered his navel. "Damn you, Whiskers! Why are you so bloody short?!" He groaned as he pulled at the bottom of it, trying to stretch it out.

"Dan, stop!" I laughed, watching him struggle to make the shirt longer. "You're gonna stretch it out. You have a cute little tummy. Just wear it like that," I grinned.

"That makes me feel so masculine," he rolled his eyes, still tugging on the ends of it. However after trying in vain for about thirty seconds he threw his hands up and said, "Ah, fuck it."

Moving to his dresser where his laptop was sitting he started hooking the camera up to it. "Have you checked your Twitter for any new questions?" He asked, bent over, most of his ass - covered by boxers - exposed.

I tilted my head as I stared at it. It was much more fun to look at in person. "What-Oh! Yeah there are a bunch of questions but I haven't read them. I figured it'd be more fun to let people get a genuine reaction from us when we read the fucked up ones. Cause we both know there's gonna be fucked up ones."

He glanced at me from over his shoulder and smiled, "I like the way you think. Phil always has everything set up, so there is no element of surprise. Not for him anyways," he stated as he turned back around. "Alright, Camera has been set up."

I picked up my phone from the table next to his bed to look at the time. "It's 8:57. You should probably go ahead and get into the live chat. I love how I'm telling you what to do like you don't do this all the time. Oh fuck. I'm scared. Dan, I'm scared. These bitches are going to rip me a new asshole."

Dan started laughing, "Calm your tits, woman! Look-" he paused and pointed at the screen. "- I'm already in the live chat. So we're good. And no one even knows your name, so you're going to be fine." He said, trying to talk some sense into me. "I think you might be more afraid of these girls than your friend."

I took a deep breath and then laughed at myself. "Okay. Tits are calming. Calm, calm," I nodded. "Do I look okay? I can't be sitting next to you looking like hammered assholes."

"What in the actual fuck?!" He doubled over laughing. "Hammered assholes? _Really?_" He sat down next to me, shaking his head. "For extra protection, you could attempt to use a British accent." He proposed. "And yeah, you look great." He smiled and brushed his thumb across my cheek.

Oh fuck. Oh fuck, fuck, fuck.

I hoped he didn't hear my breath catch in my throat.

"Thanks," I grinned up at him. "And is my British accent even good enough to fool everyone?" I laughed.

"Probably not _everyone, _but it would probably fool the Americans at least. Which is what most of the people who will be watching are. You're fine, Whiskers."

"Okay, are you ready? It's 9 on the dot."

"My body is ready," I nodded, grinning at him. "Let's do this shit."

Laughing, he looked away from me, and to the camera and just gave it a very long blank stare. The chat was already up and running and people were flooding into it. "Oh. Is it on yet? Hey Whiskers, is it on? Is it on? Is it on?" He asked over and over again, monotonously.

"Uh, yeah. I think the hundreds of messages flying by going HEY DAN! HEY DAN! OH MY GOD IT'S DAN! mean that it's working." Damn. Even I was pretty proud of my awesome British accent.

He gasped, "IT'S WORKING! YAY!" He threw his arms into the air and his voice was back to it's normal animated tone. "Hello everyone!" He waved. "Before we get to 'serious business' AKA, the questions, I want all of you lovely people to use one word to tell me how you're feeling this evening. Or afternoon. Or morning, respectively."

"Hey now, Janice, 'I want to stick my.. remote control in your arse' is not one word, or a feeling!"

"Anna said she feels banana," I laughed. "I see what you did there."

"Oh, look, Erin feels... SAUCY! Good for you Erin."

"Naughty, naughty," I shook my finger at the screen. "Did someone just ask why the fuck I'm wearing your shirt?" I turned to look at him and laughed.

"You should be asking why your mum is wearing my shirt," he winked.

I smacked my own forehead. "It never ends," I said as I moved my hand away. "I'm ready for some questions!" I picked my phone up and went to the Twitter app before checking the replies.

There were hundreds.

"Fuck," I said, wide eyed as I scrolled through them. "There's a lot," I laughed.

"Oh God, you sound like Phil," Dan said, shaking his head, like it was supposed to be an insult.

"Because Phil is my spirit animal," I replied. "Okay! First question," I cleared my throat in an exaggerated way. "Dan, how old were you when you lost your virginity?" I sat the phone down and looked at the camera with a 'really?' expression. "Bloody hell, they don't beat around the bush, eh? No pun intended."

"Probably older than you are right now. Next question."

"Damn, I was pretty curious about that one," I laughed as I scrolled down for another question. "What is the most awkward thing someone has ever walked in on you doing?"

"Your mum!" He winked, laughed, and then shook his head. "No, really.. Umm. Probably this time when I was in the middle of a pillow fight with this girl I know. We both had underwear on our heads. _Her _underwear mind you. That was pretty awkward. Her mum and my dad walked in. Don't ask what they were doing together. I don't have time to explain that story."

I bit down on my bottom lip and looked down at my phone trying my best not to laugh but I lost it and started cackle laughing so hard that I fell over sideways on the bed leaving Dan on camera alone.

"Can function broke for a sec there, sorry about that," I said as I sat back up. "Okay, next one. What is the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning?"

"Open my eyes... What kind of question is that? Like what kind of an answer were you looking for? Oh you know, I immediately open my copy of Delia Smith's biography. Or I kiss my own ass. Sometimes I spread honey on myself. Or eat an entire stick of butter."

I raised my hand and bounced around. "Oo, oo! I know what kind of answer they wanted." I cleared my throat as though I was getting read to give a speech. "They wanted you to say I woke up from a peaceful slumber. My eyes fluttered open and I was overcome with desiiiire." I said 'desiiiire' in a very weird deep voice. "I couldn't control myself. My hands moved on my body without my being able to control it and I started to give long, slow strokes to my..." I paused for dramatic effect. "Glabella."

Dan literally rolled off of the bed laughing, "Oh God! I take the Phil comment back!" He said as he climbed back onto the mattress, his back to the camera, giving the world a nice view of his boxer covered ass.

"Mayday, mayday! Dan's ass has escaped his pants again!" I said, holding my hands out in front of me. "Damn. I think at least a hundred people just took snapshots of your bum."

"Saucy, saucy!" Dan pointed at the camera. "It's not the first time, and it won't be the last. Fail belt of mine. Next question, Whiskers."  
"What would happen if you forgot to wear underwear?" I laughed. "That was my question, actually."  
"Then it would be worse than that time I posted my three foot long glowing blue penis on Youtube! Oh, no wait. Rectums are allowed on there. I don't know what would happen."  
"You wish your penis was three foot long and glowing blue," I stuck my tongue out at him and grinned. "Okay, next question. Is Whiskers your girlfriend or did Phil get a very quick sex change?" I started laughing before I even finished reading the question. "How do people come up with this shit?"  
Dan laughed, "Why do I feel like this is somehow a ploy to get me to "admit"-" He paused and held his fingers up, making quotations with them "- that Phan is real?" He shook his head. "Whiskers is not my girlfriend, nor is Phil my boyfriend, and no he did not get a sex change. And that may be the last serious answer you get out of me."  
"Exactly. I'm not his girlfriend," I shook my head and then leaned in very close to the camera before whispering. "I'm his wife. Shhhh. Don't tell anyone."  
I leaned back again and flashed an innocent smile at him. "Next question!" I said quickly and as I read it out loud I immediately wished I had read it before reading it out loud. "Will you kiss Whiskers so that we have a gif of you with a girl that we can fap to?" I paused and looked up at the screen. "Oh dear God."  
"Sure!" He smiled and leaned in towards me, looking as if he was about to kiss me on the lips but he quickly changed direction and kissed me on the forehead. "You people are sick." He shook his head, looking serious before laughing. "Just kidding, you guys are awesome."  
Hell yeah they're awesome. I felt like I owed whoever asked him to kiss me some money or something. I felt like an over dramatic teen girl who was about to announce that she'd never ever wash her forehead again.  
I cleared my throat. "Now that my forehead has gotten some action, let's move to another question!" I scrolled down on my phone a bit more. "What is Whiskers' real name? Why the balls are people asking about my ass? It's your ass everyone loves," I laughed.  
"Her real name is Whiskers. Her mum is crazy obsessed with Cats," he winked. "Ask her mum if you don't believe me."  
"And the Phandom are a curious bunch, Whiskers. You'll get used to them."  
"I'm secretly a cat," I nodded, grinning. I heard a door shut and looked towards Dan's door. "Someone's here. It's an intruder! We're going to die!"  
Dan gasped dramatically and looked around the room, appearing to be terrified. "IT'S SUSAN BOYLE. OH GOD!" Dan Shrieked. "Whiskers.. I'm going to need you to take one for team Can, because I bloody can't."  
I got wide eyed and looked at him like he was crazy while I started laughing about him saying Team Can. "Pussy!" I said before sitting my phone down and crawling off of the bed. "If I get attacked I'm going to offer your body as a peace offering or some shit," I told him as I walked out the door.  
I made my way down the hall and saw Phil and Leila standing in the kitchen...kissing.  
"Holy shit!" I squealed before quickly covering my mouth. They both jumped and turned around to look at me when they heard me.  
I literally just stood in the hallway and stared at them. No, I was gawking at them like I was staring at live porn.  
"I kind of want to scream like a fan girl right now," I finally spoke, laughing. I held up my hands and gave them two thumbs up. "Good job, babe," I winked at Leila before turning to walk down the hall again.  
"It's just Phil!" I said as I skipped down the hallway, glad that I didn't fuck up and say it was Phil and Leila.

Dan - while I was out of the room - grabbed his Robert Pattinson mask and got really close to the camera, "I'm going to use this-" he held up the mask, whispering "- to scare the tits off of Whiskers when she comes back. I'll be in the bathroom hiding. Don't tell her!"  
I stopped when I got to Dan's door and didn't see him sitting on the bed. "Dan?" I called out, turning around in the hallway. "Daaaaan?" I said in a sing song voice as I started walking back down the hallway.  
Now that I look back on it, it was a fucking stupid thing to do. The guy was one of the biggest trolls I had ever met. But I just saw my best friend making out with Phil Lester. I had some serious fangirl emotions coursing through my body. I was not myself.  
"COME HERE YOU LITTLE SPIDER MONKEY!" Robert Pattinson jumped out of Dan's bathroom and lunged towards me. "I'M A SICK MASOCHISTIC LLAMA! AND YOU'RE A STUPID LITTLE CAT!"  
I screamed like someone had just stabbed me because he scared me so damn bad. Because I was wearing socks on a hardwood floor, I slipped when I jumped and the first thing I grabbed was his arm before my feet went out from under me and I hit the floor taking his tall ass down with me.  
"You are such a fucking ass monkey whore bitch face!" I yelled through my laughter.  
"OW!" Dan groaned. "MY GLABELLR, YOU BROKE IT!" Then, he erupted with laughter. "I AM THE FUCKING KING OF PRANKING! YOU'RE JUST MAD BECAUSE YOU'RE A PEASANT!" He continued to roar with laughter as he pushed himself up and then extended his arm to help me up.  
I glared at him as I reached for his hand and let him help me up. "Pay back is a bitch, Howell," I stood on my tiptoes to whisper in his ear no longer using my fake British accent.  
"What the hell just happened?" I heard Phil ask and turned around to see him and Lele standing in the hallway laughing at us.  
"Dan tried to kill me. Normal stuff," I shrugged as I walked into the bedroom. I hopped onto the bed and waved at the camera. "Sorry that Dan left you guys. He's a total butthole. He took me out of the game in the hallway."  
Dan walked in a few seconds after I was sitting and he was still laughing, the Robert Pattinson mask still on, but pulled up so that his face was visible.  
"Please don't tell me that you actually thought the Phandom didn't know that was going to happen? You couldn't possibly be that _thick." _He said as he sat down beside me again.  
"Neither could you, Dan," I turned to look at him while giving him an obviously fake smile and hoping that he understood that I was indeed referring to his penis.  
He shook his head and looked away from me. "You're horrible. Whiskers is HORRIBLE!" He said looking directly at the camera. "I think we should move on to some more questions before this escalates any further and someone ends up being called a waffly twat... Again."  
"Waffly twat!" I laughed before reaching over to pet the top of his head. "Okay. Next question. Why is Whiskers using a fake accent? She usually sounds like Sookie."  
I leaned my head back away from my phone like something had just popped out of the screen and was going to bite me. I turned to look at Dan with a very confused expression. "Are you trolling me?"  
Dan was already looking at me, appearing to be just as confused as he shook his head and mouthed 'no.'  
"What are you people on about? Whiskers isn't using a fake accent..." He sounded very convincing, but there was definitely a bit of worry in his eyes.  
"Exactly," I cleared my throat and looked back down at the phone only to see that there was another question from the same username just a few spaces down from that one. "Why did Whiskers leave L-" I stopped reading out loud and threw my hands up in the air. "What the actual fuck?" I held my phone up to show him the message which was asking why I left LA.  
Dan read the message and rolled his eyes, "Whiskers has never even been out of the country sh-" He stopped and a look of terror washed over him as he read the username. "What the fuck! No, I can't even right now. Slenderman409.. You are a fucking creep! And I'm not reading anymore of your questions!" He said and began scrolling through the messages with one hand while writing something down on a piece of paper with the other.  
**Don't freak out, but 409 is my flat number. **  
He slid me the piece of paper and then started shaking his head, "Oh cool, there's also a Slenderman414! Brilliant. Let's see what he has to say."  
"Dan, did you have fun filming this morning?" He looked at me and then at the camera and was remaining quite calm despite how fucking weird these questions were getting. "Why yes, I did thank you."  
I was honestly getting pretty freaked out at this point. I was starting to remember all the shit I made fun of Lele for freaking out about like when she made comments about the 12 year olds doing horrible things to us.  
"Did you say Slenderman414?" I asked before taking my phone from him and looking down at it. I gasped and looked up at him with a completely horrified expression. "Weird," I forced a laugh as I leaned backwards out of the view of the camera. "That's my apartment number!" I mouthed out to him while flailing my arms around.  
I leaned forward again and looked down at my phone to see if there was anything else. "Dan, could you please check your refrigerator and see if I left my Jason mask there?" I looked up at Dan with a confused expression. "Huh? Like Friday the 13th psycho killer Jason?"  
"I think that's exactly what they're getting at, Whiskers," Dan nodded, still playing it cool. "Sure Slenderman414.. I find this highly unlikely.. And why, in the actual fuck would you leave your mask in a refrigerator?" He shook his head. "Whatever, let's do this. Whiskers, are you with me?" Dan asked me as he stood up and grabbed his laptop.  
"Might as well be. If there's a psycho killer in the house that plans to kill us all he or SHE is probably gonna get to me at some point. Why not right along with you?" I said as I stood up from the bed and followed him out of the room. "I feel like we need a creepy song to go along with this long walk to the kitchen."

"If I could play my piano and carry my laptop at the same time I would because I feel the exact same way." Dan said as we walked down the hallway.

From behind Dan, I could see Phil and Leila and I quickly waved my arms in the air, motioning for her to move so that she didn't get caught on the live show. Though, I don't think that Dan really cared about exposing anyone. He was probably too mind-fucked. Honestly, I don't know how I even remembered to warn her.  
"What are you two doing?" Phil asked, looking confused as to why we were setting up camp in the kitchen.  
"Trying to make a troll feel like a dumbass by checking the fridge for a Jason mask," I paused. "Like dumbasses. Who is going to check it?" I asked Dan once we got into the kitchen. "I'm guessing you want me to since you're holding the laptop. Unfair!"  
"What troll?" Phil asked.  
"Two trolls, actually. Slenderman_409 _and Slenderman_414_." He said, giving Phil a very creeped out expression that no one else could see but all of us who were in the apartment. "And yeah, Whiskers. I can't be bothered with opening a door for a troll."  
"Of course not," I rolled my eyes at him before turning towards the refrigerator. I swear. If there was a mask in that refrigerator, I was going to just piss all over that kitchen floor.  
I opened it slowly, stepping to the side so Dan would be able to see. I peeked inside and there it was.  
"UH-UH. NO. NO. NOPE. HELL NO!" I screamed, completely leaving my British accent behind before turning and running out of the kitchen. "WHAT THE FUCK?! WHAT THE FUUUCK?!" I squealed as I ran into Dan's room and quickly burrowed under his covers.  
"OH MY FUCKING GOD!" I heard Dan scream, assuming he had taken a look for himself and was now showing the viewers at home what was happening. "Seriously! I fucking can't right now. WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK!" He sat his computer down and I could hear him and Phil talking to each other. "PHIL, LOOK AT THIS SHIT! SOMEONE PUT A FUCKING MASK IN OUR ICEBOX!"  
"Oh hell! That's bloody creepy!" Phil shrieked, sounding just as scared as Dan. "Were there anymore messages from them?" He asked.  
I jumped out of the bed realizing that I'd run away and ended up alone where some crazy person could kill me. I ran down the hallway then through the living room before jumping onto the couch with Lele and latching onto her. "Lele, I'm scared!" I said in complete seriousness as I looked up at her. "Someone is going to kill us all. DO NOT WANT."  
Lele looked even more frightened than I did. It was like her worst nightmare was coming true. "What the hell happened?" She whispered. "I only caught something about a Friday mask... I can't exactly ask, you know, for obvious reasons."  
And then her eyes got big, "Wait... Dan said something about 409 and 414.. 414 is OUR apartment number. Cat, please tell me they haven't _REALLY _found me!"

"Normally I would say that they haven't and make some super clever joke about therapy but now I'm starting to think that you had every right to feel afraid of them." I glanced over at the guys who were in a conversation that we couldn't hear from where we were.

"By the way, how was that kiss? I need to know now in case we die."

"We could be murdered and you want me to talk about making out with Phil? Seriously, Cat?!" She whispered fiercely. "You're more insane than I thought you were!" Shaking her head she grabbed Phil's Pikachu doll and buried her face against it. "My body isn't not ready. IS NOT READY. WE SHOULD HAVE STAYED IN LA, CAT!"

"Oh God!" Phil shrieked again. "Listen to this one.. Dan, look under your couch. I think I left my murder weapon there."

"What?!" I screamed trying my best to get as high up on the couch as possible. My ass made it to the back of it before I realized I was about to fall backwards. "Oh my God. Oh my God! What if there's some kind of body part or some shit under there? Why aren't we calling the cops? What the fuck is even happening? I think I'm having a panic attack," I put my hand over my heart and took a deep breath.

Leila was behind the couch hiding, and before I realized it, I thought someone had gotten her.

"Don't you think it might be time to end the live show now, Dan?" Phil asked, looking just as worried and scared as Lele and I were which did not make me feel better at all.

Dan was bringing his laptop into the living room and he sat it down on the floor so that the people at home could see what he was seeing. "Seriously, if there is a fucking weapon under here, I'm going to have to call the police, and end this show. Sorry guys, but this went from weird to fucking scary." He said as he put his hand under the couch. "OH BLOODY HELL!" He screamed as he pulled out a very large butcher knife. He let go of it, like an idiot, and it went soaring through the air. Luckily though, it didn't land anywhere near any of us.

When I saw the knife I let out one of those high pitched horror movie screams that could probably shatter a window. The feeling of pure terror that washed over me made me feel like I was going to either faint or throw up.

"Oh my God, Dan. I'm really fucking scared," I said, my voice all shaky because I was trembling all over.

Dan put the computer on the coffee table and got close to the screen again. "Alright, well, I found a fucking knife under my couch and a fucking mask in my refrigerator and I am officially freaked the fuck out so I'm going to go and call the police. If you don't hear from me or Phil on Twitter, well we've been murdered." Dan said and closed the laptop.

"Hey Dan! Hey Dan! Hey-"

"WHAT THE FUCK PHIL?" Dan shouted at him, "Can't you see that I'm in the middle of a fucking crisis right now?!"

"I just thought you might want to know something else," Phil stated.

"And what the Hell could be so important to tell me now? That there's a bloody dead body in my wardrobe?!" Dan asked as he picked up his phone, preparing to call the authorities.

"No... I just wanted to tell you that I'm Slenderman409 and Leila is Slenderman414," Phil said rather quickly then jumped away from Dan, bursting out laughing.

Leila's bitch ass was busting a fucking gut as she peeked over the couch to look at me and Dan.

My mouth fell open and I alternated between gawking at Phil and Leila for a few seconds before jumping off of the couch and grabbing a pillow. "I hate both of you right now!" I screamed before smacking the side of Phil's head with it and then throwing it in Leila's general direction.

"Oh holy shit!" I screamed, stomping my foot on the floor. "I seriously thought we were all about to be tortured and fucking eaten alive on a fucking live chat thing for everyone to see. I hate, hate, hate you two. HAAAATE!"

"TROLOLOLOLOLOL!" Leila started singing as she stood up and climbed back over the couch. Phil was there to greet her with a high five, while Dan continued looking at the two of them, completely mind-fucked. "YOU FUCKING TWATS!" He finally screamed.

"I am six hundred percent done with you buttmonkies right now," I huffed as I walked past Dan and Phil with my arms crossed over my chest like a pissed off 10 year old. "I'm going to go make sure I didn't actually piss in my pants now," I announced before walking into the bathroom and shutting the door.

"Don't kill me in my sleep. You know you deserved payback for all the pranks you've played on me," I heard Phil telling Dan and I couldn't help but laugh. He was definitely right about that.

"I NEVER MADE YOU THINK YOU WERE GOING TO FUCKING DIE, PHIL!" Dan screamed. "OH MY GOD, YOU'VE GOT IT COMING!"

"No I don't!" Phil shrieked back at him. "That was one big prank to make up for all of the small ones!"

"HOW DID YOU EVEN THINK TO DO SOMETHING THIS FUCKING TWISTED?! SLENDERMAN, REALLY, PHIL? _REALLY?" _Dan shook his head. "AND HIDING RANDOM SHIT IN OUR APARTMENT? WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK!"

I was walking back down the hall and able to see Phil shrug before he said. "Well, I did learn from the best. I've been living with you for over 2 years now."

"He's got a good point there," I laughed as I walked back into the room.

"Right, and you only just now figured out how to scare the living shit out of me?!" Dan was flailing his arms and kicking his legs out at random, as if he were still trying to get it all out of his system.

"Nah. I'm guessing that Lele had something to do with the planning of this. It has the evility that places her name all over it," I said as I looked over Leila grinning. "While you two fight, I'm going to see if people are announcing that Danisnotonfire has been kidnapped by Jason on Tumblr." I picked up Dan's laptop which he had shut right after Phil confessed to the trolling, and opened it so I could log on Tumblr.

Dan stopped glaring at Phil and was now glaring at Leila. "YOU? YOU? SERIOUSLY? I GOT TROLLED BY _YOU _AND BLOODY _PHIL_?" He looked offended. "WHAT THE FUCK IS MY LIFE EVEN?"

Leila shrugged. "I never said I had anything to do with it," she said simply. "You underestimate Phil's abilities."

"Oh God," Dan rolled his eyes again. "I'm getting messed around by a ship called bloody Phileila. I should probably just kill myself, because this is pathetic."

"Dan, sweetheart. It is not that serious," I laughed, looking up at him. "I think you might need to grab a beer and calm your tits." I brought my attention back to the computer and typed 'Phan' into the search on Tumblr.

I was SO not expecting to see what I saw.

"Uhhhh-" came out of my mouth as I scanned over the various texts posts.

"Mayday. Motherfucking mayday!" I yelled, holding my hands up. "The Phandom has exploded and it had nothing at all to do with the trolling!"

I turned the laptop towards Leila to show her what I meant.

Leila leaned forward and squinted her eyes, however, two seconds later they were as big as silver dollars. "WHAT THE FUCK!" She yanked the laptop away from me and gawked at the screen. "NO. NO. NO. NO!" She cried as she clicked away on the mouse. "HOW THE FUCK?! THERE ARE PICTURES!"

"What the hell is going on?" Phil asked looking really concerned by the time Lele started screaming. I stood up from the couch so he'd be able to sit next to her and I stood next to Dan.

"Well, it seems as though Team Phileila has been outed already. There are tons of texts posts asking who the hell the random girl with Phil is and people flipping out about their feels because Phan has been confirmed to not be real. I'm guessing what really confirmed it is the PICTURE OF THEM ALMOST KISSING!" I yelled the last part and laughed, knowing that Dan didn't know that they had kissed yet.

"Oh fuck," Phil sighed and leaned his head back on the couch while covering his face. "I am so, so sorry, Leila."

Dan promptly spewed beer out of his mouth at the news that Leila and Phil had kissed. Yes, he took my advice and actually decided to calm his tits. It seemed as though someone else's misfortune made him feel a little better. "WHAT?!" He said as he wiped the beer off of his mouth. "Not wasting any time, are you Phil? Just diving right in there, eh? Good for you."

"Shut up, Dan!" Phil tossed his Pikachu at him, but it missed Dan completely and hit the cabinets in the kitchen.

"Oh it's all fun and trolling until someone get's caught kissing their new girlfriend!"

Phil huffed and didn't even say anything back to that comment.

"So I take it would be alright if I uploaded the footage of you two cuddling then?" Dan asked.  
At that exact moment Leila seemed to snap out of the trance she had been in as she looked up from the computer. I was expecting her to start yelling at Dan.  
"BASIC BITCH? SOMEONE CALLED ME A BASIC BITCH!" She gasped then looked back down at the screen. "OH COOL, I'M ALSO DAN IN A WIG!" She laughed dryly.  
Dan obviously thought that was funny, because again, his drink spewed out of his mouth.  
"PHOLDEMORT? THEY'RE CALLING ME FUCKING PHOLDEMORT?" She shook her head. "Pholdemort is the evil bitch who has come to kill Phan. She has seven souls and a vagina that has teeth?!"  
I tried. Oh I tried so, so hard not to laugh.  
But sadly, it was impossible. I laughed really, really fucking hard.  
"I'm so sorry, Le. I really am," I managed to choke out through my laughter. "Pholdemort!" I cackled out, snorting right after.

"They won't actually do anything. It's just one of the many shit storms we see," Phil told Leila, looking quite concerned about her. I could tell he felt guilty.

"Lele, I don't think that they'll really do anything except talk mad shit on their tumblrs. We just won't be able to lurk with Phan tags anymore," I shrugged. "But the bright side is that we get to hang out with them and you get to suck face with one of them so we don't have a real reason to lurk them!" I clapped my hands. "Yaaay!"

"Yeah Leila, it's just the internet," Dan wavered. I'm not sure if that statement was going to help matters though. 'The internet' is why Dan had been so pissy when I - literally - ran into him.

Leila sighed and sat the computer down on the table. "I guess this is preparing me for potential future shit storms," she said, resting her chin against her palms... "Pholedmort though?" She laughed. I couldn't tell if she thought it was funny or if she was just so mind boggled that it was inappropriate laughter.

Hearing her say that name again made me crack up laughing. "I'm sorry but that is just one of the best things I have ever heard. I have to give them some points for creativity on that one."

"Right?! I don't know if I'm mad that they called me that or if I'm jealous that I didn't think of it." She laughed again, sitting up. I think she might have been done freaking out... Maybe.

Phil put his hand over the top of hers and squeezed it.

Okay, could they be any cuter? How the fuck did they manage to end up looking like the most adorable couple ever in less than 24 hours?

Lele had some skillz.

"I am sorry though," Phil apologized again.

"It's not like you control them, Phil," I said as I walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge to grab a beer since Dan having one made me want one.

Peer pressure!

"I know, but I still feel bad about it," he replied as I struggled to get the top off of the beer. "Because you're a good guy and you're sweet and awesome like that. But you shouldn't feel bad. I'm sure Leila still has a Grade A lady boner for you," I laughed and looked over at Dan as I finished saying that.

"Cat's right, it's not your fault," Leila said then looked at me and then at Dan. "Your faces though... Oh no, Slenderman is coming to get me!" She faked of British accent. Of course she'd bring that up when I mention her Grady A lady boner.

Dan was finally to the point where he could actually laugh at what they had done to us. "Waffly twats, you're still getting your payback. Whiskers and I are going to ruin the both of you." He said seriously looking from them to me. "Aren't we?"

I laughed and nodded. "Oh fuck yeah. You two are so totally screwed and you'll never ever see it coming," I grinned. "What did you guys do today anyway? I can't believe y'all trusted Dan and I to be alone all day."

"I don't see you two topping that prank," Phil laughed. "Sorry, but that was beautiful. I can't wait for the world to see it."

"After we saw Dan's video announcement all trust went out of the window," Leila laughed. "We ate Nutella waffles, which are fucking delicious, by the way, plotted against you two, and I taught Phil how to be sanitary." She grinned as she looked from me to him.

I raised an eyebrow as I took a sip of my beer and then nodded slowly. "Uh huh and at some point did you trip and your lips nearly landed on Phil's or how did that photo that's causing a shitstorm on tumblr come about?" I grinned.

"That's the worst fucking part!" Leila exclaimed, laughing again. "We didn't even kiss! They literally interrupted it."

"It was one of the most tragic moments of my life," Phil added, trying to sound more dramatic.

I poked my bottom lip out. "Poor babies. Well, how about you two just stay here and hang out alone for awhile since it seemed like you might have wanted to be alone in the kitchen earlier," I laughed. "And me and Dan can go back to our apartment."

So I can touch him inappropriately.

Oh good God. I am disturbingly perverted.

"Aw, Whiskers, you want to go Christen your apartment with rough nasty sex now?" Dan asked. "How can I say not to that?" He stood up from where he had been sitting and looked at me, wiggling his eyebrows.  
"You are disturbing, Dan." Phil shook his head while Liela gave me this evil smile as she fanned her fingers out, waving at me.  
"Dan, how do you know me so well already? It's absolutely mind boggling."  
I made it sound like I was joking but we all know what I was thinking.  
I know Leila did.  
"Wait!" I yelled in a dramatic voice before sitting my beer down on the bar. I ran into the living room and hopped onto Lele's lap basically straddling her before grabbing the back of her head and smashing her face against my boobs. "LET ME LOVE YOU!"  
Leila being, well, Leila proceeded to motorboat me through my shirt, shaking her head as he squeezed me.  
"Holy!" Phil shouted and I looked over at him to see his eyes fixated on Leila's face which was hidden by my boobs. I leaned down and kissed the top of her head before hopping off her lap and walking over to the table to get my beer.  
"You ready, Daniel?" I asked him as I opened the door. "IS YOUR BODY READY?"  
"I don't think my body will ever be ready for that.." Dan was still gawking at me, obviously a bit shocked. Which was odd, I didn't think anything could really baffle him. "But I'm willing to put my life on the line to find out!" He finally looked like himself again as he followed me out of the door.  
I laughed as we made our way down the hall to mine and Leila's flat. "What's wrong? Did the rated PG-13 lesbian action get you all hot and bothered?" I asked as I pulled my key out of my back pocket. I unlocked the door and walked in making sure to put my key down on the table by the door because God knows I would wash my jeans with the key in it and then lock myself out of the house and DIE.  
Not really but that would suck.  
"Oh yeah. My penis is starting to glow as we speak," He followed in behind me. "Not really. Well, maybe a little. I just wasn't expecting you to attack her." He admitted and look around. "Are you two ever going to unpack?"  
"I just got here yesterday!" I laughed. "I've been hanging out with you since we arrived, basically. I haven't even slept here yet. Wow, that sounds pretty slutty."  
"Oh yeah.. that's right. It feels like you two have been here for days already," Dan laughed as he plopped down on the couch. "Oh you should feel like a slut, what, with all that nasty sex we've been having." And then his eyes got big. "OH GOD!" He jumped up off of it "I completely forgot that Philiela slept there. Quick, where's the bleach?!"  
He actually managed to scare the living shit out of me. He looked pretty convincing before he yelled out why he was jumping off the couch. I smacked my own forehead and shook my head. "Don't you think they would have been naked when we came in here if they bumped uglies last night?" I asked while swaying my hips around in a circle to give what I was saying a little flair...as if it needed it.  
Dan sat back down. I'm pretty sure he was just being a dramatic tit. "It doesn't matter if they did or didn't. I've sat on worse things. Like the seats on the tube." He tilted his head, watching as I swayed my hips, "And you think I'd be a horrible lay? What in the actual fuck kind of movement is that?"  
I gasped and reached out to smack his arm. "Hey! I'm a damn good lay. Thank you very much." I looked around and laughed. "There is no way to make that not make me sound like a whore with a vagina the size of Canada."  
Dan burst into song, "OH CANADA, OH CANADA, I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE WORDS TO THAT SONG, IF IT'S EVEN A SONGGGG,"  
Once he was finally done making up a really fucked up parody that mostly consisted of 'um' and 'fuck' he started laughing. "So you have a massive snatch and my penis is radioactive.. This is a beautiful friendship already,"  
"Awww, Dan. You are so sweet!" I put my hands over my heart and tilted my head to the side. "I felt that in the depths of my forehead birthing area. It was serious."  
"Oh yes. Our genitals are serious business," He used his epic _SRS BSNSS _voice as he leaned in towards me and started poking his fingers against my birthing area. "I'm fingering you. You like that?" He scrunched his nose up and made a face that reminded me of when he was trying to do Kristen Stewart's Vogue cover.  
"Oh yes. Right there. Yes. Yes," I began saying in a monotone voice that did not sound sexy at all. I reached up and grabbed his wrist before biting his finger. Not hard of course. I'm not completely crazy. But I did keep it held between my teeth.  
"Oh saucy. You like to taste yourself.. Oh God.. I'm cumming!" He said the last part in a really high pitched voice. "What the fuck is with you and biting?!" He gasped as he yanked his arm away from me. "Stop it. You're going to give me rabies."

"I don't have rabies anymore, Dan. God!" I said dramatically before snatching my beer off of the table and taking a long swallow. "I have a random question," I said as I turned towards him on the couch. "Why the balls does a guy like you not have a girlfriend peasant?"

He stared at me with his eyebrows raised, "Did you not see what I just did to you? Or notice the way I act every second of every day? I'd have to pay a peasant Gimp to be my girlfriend because no one else can put up with that. I don't even know how I have any friends."

I looked at him like he was totally insane. "Dan, all those people who like live for your next fucking breath online can't possibly just have massive lady boners for you because you're hot. You do realize part of it is because of what _kind_ of guy you are, right? You're a fucking catch, dude. True story."

"Well, Cat, you do realize that most of those girls are.. 12, right?" He asked, giving me the same look I was giving him. I couldn't tell if he was mocking me or not. "A catch?" He cackled. "Complete rubbish. I'm the most unfit, ridiculous person on the planet. The only person who is worse off than me is Phil, and he's actually somewhat nice, so maybe he isn't worse off now that I think about it... I don't know. I haven't even tried dating since.. Fuck I don't even remember."  
How the hell could he think this? Did he not read anything anyone said about him online?  
"Okay, okay. First of all it's not rubbish. You're not unfit and you're not ridiculous. In fact, you are one of the absolute sexiest guys I have ever laid eyes on. Hot eyeballs, hot face, hot hair, hot body, cute ass, sexy voice. Then on top of all that deliciousness you have a great personality and you're hilarious. I'm not the only one who is over the age of 12 who thinks this." I knew I had already said too much but I was a little bit buzzed so I just kept on. "You're one of those dudes that they call life ruiners on tumblr because all of us will forever compare other men to you and we'll die alone in a house full of cats with different variations of the name Daniel."  
"Well then," Dan laughed, looking as though he was trying to take in everything that I had just sputtered out at him. "Okay.. let me try to explain this in a way you might understand it..." He moved his head from side to side and nipped at his bottom lip in thought. "Imagine the tables were turned and you were me. Would hundreds of thousands of people telling you all of that stuff really change the way _you _see yourself?" He asked. "Don't get me wrong, my confidence isn't shit, and I'm not a manic depressive, but I just don't see myself the way everyone else sees me. I'm just a ridiculous British kid who has horrible misfortune and a lot of shit to say."  
I sat up and put my beer down on the table in front of the couch. "Well, I happen to like that you are a ridiculous British kid who has horrible misfortune and a lot of shit to say. You in person is even better than you in my laptop. Even though you stole my shirt and turned into RPattz before trying to kill me."  
"God, Cat, I did not steal your shirt," he rolled his eyes and scoffed, looking completely serious, but I knew he was, again, just being an over dramatic tit. "But if it's _that _big of a deal to you," he paused and tugged my shirt over his head. "You can have it back." He offered me my shirt, then grabbed his beer and leaned back against the couch. "Thank you though, for all of the compliments," he smiled. "It really is flattering. Especially since you're kind of a cougar."  
I cleared my throat as I laid the shirt on the back of the couch and then just openly stared at him. This was really not fair at all. I was having a serious internal issue. Mega feels. Inappropriate feels.  
"I'm so glad that I am the new cougar in your life, Dan," I rolled my eyes before taking a sip of my beer. I still hadn't managed to make myself stop staring at his stomach and chest and I could feel this odd brewing happening in my stomach like some sort of high pitched squeal was about to fly out of my face. I quickly put my hand over my mouth to keep it from happening knowing that I probably looked fucking crazy but if he hadn't figured out that I was crazy at this point then he really was thick.  
Dan opened his mouth and it looked like he was about to say something, but instead, he put the rim of the bottle against his lips, took a very, very long drink from it and sat it on the table. He scooted closer to me, which really wasn't helping my inner fangirl, then reached out and pulled my hand away from my mouth.

He tilted his head and just looked at me, almost like he was studying me with those gorgeous brown eyes of his.

And then, his thumb was brushing over my cheek, the rest moving my hair away from my face. Yeah, definitely NOT helping the fangirl monster in my stomach, or my panties.

His eyes could stare a hole into something, because he hadn't even blinked, and he still hadn't said a word; it wasn't until his nose nuzzled against mine that I even realized he had slowly been inching closer..

His soft lips brushed over mine very lightly and he kissed me.

And he continued to kiss me, his lips parting over mine as his long fingers cupped my cheek.

His tongue trailed against my bottom pout as he tilted his head to right and settled his chest against mine.

Until I felt the weight of his body pressing against mine I didn't even realize that I wasn't breathing and that my heart was racing fast enough to most likely make me faint. I could not believe this was happening. I think I honestly went into shock but thankfully I snapped out of it because I realized I was just sitting there not moving while he kissed me.

I moved my hands up to his shoulders while opening my mouth and taking the opportunity to move my tongue against his. He tasted like beer and Maltesers which sounds disgusting but- holy shit- I promise it wasn't. I moved my hands up from his shoulders, making sure to avoid his neck, before sliding my fingers into his hair and lightly pressing my fingernails against his scalp.


	7. The Phandom Has Fallen

**Phil's POV**

I woke up at around 11:30 am. Well, I actually woke up at 11 but I didn't get out of bed until 11:30. After groggily putting on some pajama pants and a t-shirt, I made my way into the kitchen and was shocked to see that Dan was already awake and eating a bowl of cereal in the living room.

"This is weird," I laughed. "I'm pretty sure this is the first time we've even seen each other alone in the past few days." Thankfully he had already made coffee so all I had to do is get my mug out and pour myself some.

"What's gotten into you? You never wake up before me or make coffee or eat before me," I said as I poured some milk into my cup

Dan didn't even look at me, he just continued shoveling cereal into his mouth as he shrugged. "Just woke up early," he replied as he chewed. Waiting a few seconds to swallow the mouthful he added, "So I could see Cat before she and your girlfriend left this morning."

I was bringing my cup of coffee up to my lips but stopped when he said that. "Wait, you woke up early just to go say goodbye to Cat?" I laughed. "Who are you and where is Dan Howell?"

Dan rolled his eyes and took another bite of his cereal. He still hadn't looked up at me. "Something wrong with doing that, Philip?" He asked. "Maybe if you'd do it for Leila she'd actually go on a date with you." He teased. Okay, so maybe he wasn't completely gone. But Dan didn't wake up early for anyone. So something was going on that he wasn't telling me about.

"For your information, she wants to go on a date with me she's just terrified of being mobbed because the tumblr insanity still hasn't calmed down," I explained as I walked over to the couch across from him to sit down. "And I have something special planned for her tonight so I'll need you to busy yourself with _**your**_ girlfriend so we can have the place to ourselves."

HA! Two can play at that game.

"Surprise anal isn't special, Phil," Dan replied with his mouth full. About two seconds later I heard what sounded like Dan choking. "I'll have you know that she's _no_t my girlfriend and when she is, I will do something majestic to make it happen, while you'll just continue to scare yours."

I rolled my eyes and laughed as soon as I had swallowed my coffee. "Okay if I'm scaring mine then explain to me how I've managed to kiss Leila several times before you've done anything more than act like an 11 year old who expresses his feelings towards a girl by throwing things at her with Cat?"

"Oh Phil, you're so thick." He shook his head as he put his bowl in the sink and grabbed his cup of coffee before making his way into the living room where I was sitting.

"I kissed her goodbye this morning, and last night, and the night before that. She'll also have roses waiting for her when she gets home. What have you given Leila again?" He asked as he grabbed his laptop. "Heart attacks don't count, by the way."

Did I seriously just hear that?

"What?" I asked, looking at him like he'd grown another head. "Wait, wait. You've kissed her AND you have sent her roses? What the hell? Where have I been?" I laughed. I knew exactly where I'd been.

Hanging out with Leila.

Helping Leila unpack.

Lurking online with Leila.

Watching movies with Leila.

You get the picture.

Dan was typing on his keyboard as I was talking, I'm assuming tumblr. He had a serious tumblr problem, but so did I. And the rest of the internet population.

"Why do you sound so surprised?" He asked, finally looking up at me. "Is it _really _that hard to believe?"

"It's just so-" I paused trying to think of the right word. "Unexpected?" I laughed. "I mean, we're not the two most normal guys in the world. I didn't know what the hell kind of girls we would end up with. I also know you're a bit picky but I mean, any idiot who sits in a room with you and Catherine would be able to see there's some serious chemistry going on. It's almost scary. No. It _is_ scary."

Dan smiled, a really big smile, which he quickly hid as he brought his laptop to his knees and hunched over a little. Was he.. embarrassed? He looked that way.

"Exactly. She's me without a penis. Girls like that don't just come along everyday, I had to give it a go." He said then looked back up at me looking normal again, "Which is why I'm doing all of the nice things that guys do to let a girl know they're into them. Don't make this more than what it is."

I couldn't keep myself from laughing. "Dan, I'm not making it more than what it is. It's not like I'm thinking you're about to propose or something. I just think it's quite cool that we've both managed to meet girls who happen to be best friends and for some unknown reason they really like us." I took another sip of my coffee as I thought about that some more. "And what else is great is that they seem to really like us. Like, not saying we're bloody celebrities or anything but neither of them have even bothered saying anything about hanging out with us or whatever to get retweets or tumblr notes. That's rather nice, I think." I grinned. "Plus, they're both really hot."

"I don't think we'll ever have to worry about them.." Dan paused and looked up from his screen as he moved both of his hands up, making quotation marks with his fingers, ".. using us. Especially not Leila," He laughed. He had been calling her Pholdemort and The-Dark-Lord every chance he got. "Plus she's got that whole book thing going on. If anything you'd get accused of _using _her. And Cat's this happy medium. She doesn't even have a Twitter, well unless you count the one I made her make." It was so weird to have this kind of conversation with him. "Them being best friends is a huge bonus.. until.. nevermind," Dan looked back down at the computer screen and started typing again.

"Until what?" I asked. There was no way that I could let that go.

Dan sighed and looked up at me again, "Until one of us does something horrific, or one of them, or something, that causes Can to turn into Can-fucking-not, and Philelia into Fuck-Phil-and-Liela." He said seriously then laughed. "Think about it. If something happened.. well, I think you're smart enough to know how that would go down for the two who are uninvolved."

I sighed and rubbed the side of my face. How had I not thought about that yet? I overanalyze everything.

"You have a good point," I nodded. "I guess we just have to hope that our relationships don't turn into shit storms," I laughed. "I mean, I know that you and I would be alright because we're us but it would be weird if like, Leila and I split and then ya know, I'd probably end up seeing her because you'd be with Cat and they're attached at the hip and the same would go for you and Cat. Holy hell, that was so confusing."

"Mhmmm," Dan nodded. "And of course, since they are girls, we would face the fucking stink eye from the other one, and probably get interrogated on what's going on and if we're seeing anyone else and all kinds of other shit that girls do. It would be one huge fucking mess with that alone, not to mention if we all ended up getting super serious and one of them gets their feelings hurt, they could snap and do other crazy girl things that I don't even want to think of."

Okay maybe I wasn't the only one who had a habit of overanalyzing things.

"Dan, I don't want you to start thinking that way and completely ruin what could be a good thing between you and Cat. I truly don't think either of them are like most girls in any aspect. Even though we haven't known them for that long I can honestly say that I have never encountered females like the two of them."

"It's not going to stop me. Like I said, I'm giving it a go regardless, I just happened to think of the potential consequences. They're best friends, I hardly doubt, if one of us dicked the other one around, they would take it lightly. It's a part of being a girl... God, I've been reading too much fanfiction."

I laughed. "Okay, you have a good point there but I am just going to hold out hope that we've struck gold with these two. I can't get Leila out of my bloody head. It's becoming a bit scary."

"Tell me about it," Dan sighed. "It's been what? Two weeks since they've moved in? And I'm already thinking about how it's going to be shit when we have to go to the states. I mean, on top of liking her, Cat's fun to hang out with. That's why I like her.. she's actually _fun." _

"She is fun and so is Leila. I love how she's like this hilarious mixture of her calm, responsible self and then randomly she just like flips a switch and turns into Cat on acid. It's the most hilarious thing I have ever seen in my life," I laughed just thinking of all the crazy things she had done. Especially first night we met and she put a pillow on my head for armor.

Dan started sniggering, "Yeah, I definitely didn't expect her to be even an eighth as ridiculous at Cat. And her fucking last name is Radley. Seriously, I may have to marry her just so I can take her last name and be Dan Radley, because that's just awesome." It was amusing to see Dan get excited over a girl. I'm not sure I had ever witnessed it before.

"Well, if you marry her and take her name then I might need you two to adopt me so I can change my name and then I'll marry Leila so her name doesn't have to be bloody Leila Lester," I laughed, shaking my head. "Oh God, that's horrible."

"You could always take hers," he commented. "Phil Faust sounds alright... But why the fuck are we even having this conversation?" Dan asked, obviously forgetting that he was the one who brought it up.

"Because you brought up marrying Cat and taking her last name, genius," I laughed as I reached over to pick up my laptop from the floor next to the couch. "Please let the tumblr shit storm be over," I said to myself as I opened it. "How is your shitstorm going, by the way? Are people still on a mission to find out the secret identity of Whiskers?" I laughed.

"That's what I'm checking right now.. Well, I checked my e-mail, but now I'm on Tumblr... and the verdict is..." Dan tilted his head and got quiet as he started reading. "Oh fuck.."

My heart fell out of my asshole as Leila would say. I knew from the look on his face and the tone of his voice that something had happened.

"Oh God. Do I want to know?" I asked, sighing loudly in a failed attempt to get rid of the horrible anxiety that hit me out of nowhere.

"Lol, totally found out who that bitch is that was on Dan's live show. Her name is Catherine Radley," Dan read out loud then held his hand up, "There's more," he informed me. "She works/worked for the Los Angeles Times as a photographer. Dan probably met her when he came here around his birthday, since he hasn't been to LA since. Personally I'm happy and will go down with this ship, but I'm just waiting for the shitstorm to come in the phan tag."

"Oh holy shit," I said as I covered my mouth with my hand. "Do you think they're going to flip the fuck out? I can't believe- Well, okay I can believe they stalked them like that but, wow. That's actually impressive and scary."

"No, Phil," Dan said as he glanced up at me, "They aren't going to freak out, because they aren't going to know, because we aren't going to tell them."

I looked at him like he was completely mad. "What? How could we not tell them? That's a big deal. It's only a matter of time before people find their facebooks and tumblr accounts."

"How _could _we tell them? Oh, by the way, I hope you don't mind, but the entire internet is shit talking you? Not a very good idea, if you ask me, Phil." Dan shook his head.

"Oh, here is another... 'I think we should all take a moment to thank Phil for his trolling. He pointed us in the right direction. Thanks Phil!' Hm, still want to tell them?"

I rubbed my temples and took a very deep breath. This all was way too much to process. I had never even thought of being in this situation before much less had I actually been in the situation before.

"I don't know what we should do but they're going to find out one way or another, right? I mean they both use tumblr or they did before they met us. Do you think we should make a video or a post addressing the situation or what?" I rolled my eyes. "God, I feel like I'm on an episode of Real Housewives of Youtube Celebrities or something."

"They don't look in our tags anymore, or so says Cat. After the Pholdemort thing happened with Leila.. Oh fucking hell!" Dan groaned.

"You may want to check the Pholdemort tag for updates," he suggested, "Because I just found a picture of Cat, and it's not from the live show," Dan turned his laptop around, and I could see a picture of Cat in a bikini holding a fishing pole in one hand and a beer in the other.

"Oh God, please, please, please do not let either of them have any nude photos anywhere," I said while using my hands to emphasize how seriously bad that would be.

"I swear, our fans could work for the bloody government with their stalking abilities," I said as I brought my attention back to my own laptop and reluctantly went to tumblr.

I had never had as many messages as I had sitting in my inbox right then and I honestly did not want to look at them.

"I can't believe I am actually typing Pholdemort into this search right now." I clicked search and it felt like it took 5 minutes instead of 5 seconds for the search results to show up.

I should have known that if they found things out about Catherine then of course they would find things out about Leila. Especially since we had gotten sloppy by me slipping up and saying her first name while we were in live chat a couple of weeks earlier.

"No, no, nooo," I groaned as I scrolled down and saw post after post which showed the cover of the book that Leila had written. I paused when I saw a text post which had several photos attached to it. One was obviously taken at the same time the one of Cat in a bikini was taken because Leila was lying on a beach in a bikini and waving at the camera. I was tempted to save that photo because she looked pretty damn good in that bikini.

Focus, Phil. Focus.

"Whaaat?" I said in a high pitched voice when I realized the next photo was her senior portrait from high school. "I do not understand how they find these things!" The next photo that loaded had a sentence under it. "Oh great, they're best friends too. I hate them even more now." It was a photo of Cat and Leila which was obviously taken with a webcam and they both had whiskers drawn on their face like Dan and I did for our videos.

"Awww!" I couldn't help myself. It was really adorable. "Look!" I turned my laptop around after maximizing the picture to show Dan.

Wow. That was masculine of me.

Dan looked at me like I was insane, "What in the fuck could you even be, _awwwing,-" _he mocked me, "_- _about right now, Phil?" He asked and then leaned in to look at the picture. "Awww! Okay, forget I even said that," Dan picked his laptop up and came to sit down right beside me. "Why the fuck didn't that show up in my tag?!" He asked, sounding a little offended, "Did you see this one?" He maximized a picture and I tilted my head to get a better look at it.

It was Catherine and Liela pop-kissing each other on the lips.

"No!" I squinted my eyes to read the text that was under it.

"Oh look, they're kissing. Maybe they're gay for eachother and Phan is safe from Pholdemort and Phreddy Krueger, the bitch who sneaks into peoples dreams and kills them." I read it outloud, because I don't think Dan had even paid any attention to anything other the fact that Cat's boobs were really exposed.

"What the fuck, Phil - oh.." Either he suddenly had to shit, or he was trying not to laugh. "Okay, that's funny but disturbing... How did this even happen?"

"I have no idea whatsoever," I sighed while letting my head fall back on the couch. "Dan I really, really think we need to tell them. They have a right to know and if they have facebook they probably need to put them on lockdown."

I knew where Dan was coming from on not wanting to tell them but I felt like the reaction we got from them for keeping it from them would be far worse than the reaction we got from them finding out that a lot of our fans had done some investigating and found out who they were.

"I guess you have a point.. but who gets to break it to them?" Dan asked, but I didn't have a chance to respond, "Oh, my God. Either they're massive stalkers or they're just as good as ship naming as us," Dan was, once again, being A.D.D and was thoroughly invested in the screen of his laptop. "Just say no to Can."

"What?" I asked, completely confused. I leaned over to look at his laptop and I shouldn't have but I laughed quite hard. "I'm sorry. It's totally mean but that's really funny." I brought my attention back to my own laptop and scrolled down to basically see all of the same photos of Leila and Cat being reblogged. There were lots of text posts talking about feelings, lives being over, and other Tumblr-exaggerated things.

"I don't know which of us is going to tell but-" Dan's phone started vibrating on the table and scared the hell out of both of us. He got up and picked the phone up before looking down at it.

"It's Cat," he told me, looking and sounding like he was absolutely terrified.

"Answer it!" I laughed, motioning towards him with my hand.

"Hello?" he answered and then glanced over at me. "Uh, yeah. Why?" He walked over to sit next to me again and pulled his phone away from his ear before putting it on speaker phone. "We can both hear you now."

"Le is here too, by the way," Cat spoke up before clearing her throat and taking a deep breath. "Okay, seriously. What in the actual fuck is going on?" she asked, her voice louder and about 5 octaves higher than usual. "Leila and I just had to deactivate our fucking facebooks because we each had gotten about 200 friend requests and I don't even know how many messages."

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.

Dan was already looking at me when I looked up at him. He was mouthing, "What do we do?" while I shook my head and shrugged.

"Uh, is that so?" Dan asked nonchalantly. Master plan, Dan. Master fucking plan.

"What did the messages say?" He asked, obviously improvising to buy us at least another fifteen seconds before we had to tell them that the entirety of our fanbase knew who they were.

"They said that Dan and Phil are total BUTTHOLES FOR NOT LETTING US KNOW THAT THEIR FANS HAD STALKED US AND FOUND OUT OUR ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE STORIES!" Leila suddenly shrieked into the phone and I found myself backing closer to the corner of the couch like she was going to pop out of the screen and slap me. "And do not say you two didn't know because I know how you two are! You both got your cute little asses up and made some coffee and got on Tumblr."

Oh wow.

Were we that predictable?

"We literally just found out! I swear!" I responded, moving my face closer to the phone as if that was going to make her believe me somehow. "I'm so, so sorry Leila. And you too, Cat. We didn't think anything like this would happen."

"Why didn't you give us a heads up then!" She asked, she was being nicer to me, but she still didn't sound very happy. "My MOTHER, got sent a message that said and I quote, 'Did you know that your daughter is fucking amazingphil, and that she's a homewrecker?' A fucking HOMEWRECKER!"

"Oh my God. You have got to be kidding me," I said as I dragged my hands down my face. "Your mother is going to hate me so much and she hasn't even met me," I sighed. "Look, Dan and I will try to do some damage control. Leila, please do not be mad at me. I wish there was a way I could have stopped all of this. How did you two figure out that these things had been posted on Tumblr?"

"Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck I'm so hungryyyyyyyy," I heard Cat suddenly whine out of nowhere very dramatically.

"OW! GAWD, LEILA!" Cat gasped, "YOU AND YOUR CRAB FINGERS!"

"We didn't, we just assumed... How bad is it?" Leila sounded worried now.

I paused for a second. There was no way to get around this so I figured I might as well just blurt it out.

"They've found personal photos of the both of you. They know

both of your full names, where you two used to work, and that you've written a book. Oh and there's a picture of you two snogging so people are holding out hope that you're lesbians."

The cackle laugh I heard definitely came from Cat.

Leila sighed and the line went silent for so long that I thought she'd hung up.

"Hello.."

"Sorry, I was busy dying," She sighed again, "I don't even know what to say right. Seriously.. and I _always _have something to say."

More silence,

"They weren't like... talking about ripping our body parts out, were they?"

I couldn't help but laugh. "No. They did say they hated you both and things of that sort but nothing terrifying. I think the ones who are being horrible are the ones who believed in the Phan ship that you two have blown holes into the side of."

"They aren't all horrible!" Dan chimed in. He was still scrolling through Tumblr tags. "By my count two people ship Can and, oh wait for it, three people ship Phileila! That's gotta count for something, right?" Leave it to Dan to try to poke fun at a delicate matter.

"Woohoo! Team Can!" I heard Cat yell in a high pitched voice.

"See? It's not all bad," I responded, hoping that Leila wasn't ready to run far, far away. "We can try to do some damage control. But seriously, please don't think they're going to come kill you. If they were that crazy then Dan and I would be being held hostage in a basement somewhere."

I heard Leila sniggering, and that was a huge relief.

"You owe me the biggest hug when I get home, just so you know," she laughed lightly. "I doubt you can fix any of this, and I guess it was bound to happen at some point, all things considered-"

"STILL HUNGRY," Cat said again.

"I'll see you when I get home, if we don't get kid-napped before then. I'm afraid Cat's going to start eating herself if we don't get noms soon."

"Well, I guess I can give you a hug when you get home," I sighed making it sound like I would be put out to have to give her a hug. "Just come to our flat when you two get done with your serious business. I'll be here."

"SERIOUS BUSINESS," Dan shouted, which caused Cat to start cackle-laughing again.

"Okay ba-, Phil. See you soon," Leila said then quickly hung up.

I know my face probably turned red but I didn't care. I didn't even bother trying to stop the grin on my face. It was very obvious that she was about to call me some sort of pet name.

"Well, that went far better than expected," I said as I closed my laptop and picked up my cup of coffee again.

"I love how I was left out of every bit of that," Dan laughed. "How do _you _always manage to get yourself into such shit situations?" He asked, laughing even harder.

"I have no bloody idea," I sighed and then laughed because he was right. I was always ending up in very weird situations. "Okay, I've got to go shower so I can go to shop and get some things for tonight. What are you going to do with your Cat?"

"Stroke her and make her purr, of course," Dan winked like the pervert he is.

"Oh come on, Phil, don't look at me like that. I'm taking her out. Or, well, asking her out on a date, with the roses that will be waiting for her."

"I think that's a great idea," I told him as I stood up to take my coffee cup to the kitchen. "I wonder if we'll be able to hear a genuine Cat fangirl scream from down the hall when she arrives home to see her flowers," I laughed.

"I've been trying to get one from her! It's like impossible. The only time I even got close to it was when I scared her by jumping out of the bathroom."

"Hmm. I haven't heard one out of Leila either. We need to figure out how to get one out of them," I laughed. "I don't know why I want to. That sounds really odd. Maybe it's because we never spend more than a few seconds with real fangirls and now we have our own."

"What are they? Our Gimps?" Dan raised his brow at me, "I think it'll happen, and I've got an idea to make it a little easier, I believe." He stated, and before I could ask how, he continued onward. "Cat slips up and says little things in front of me about Leila, like the fact that she loves your animal noises and when you use your Mario voice.. Fuck, I feel weird saying that, anyways, I'm sure she does the same about Cat.." He looked at me like he was expecting me to tell him something I had been holding out on him.

I was too busy thinking about how Leila said that she loved things about me and was suddenly wondering how I could use my Mario voice as much as possible around her.

"Oh, I'm guessing you want to know if Leila has told me things Cat says about you?" I asked, knowing that's exactly what he wanted. "It seems that Catherine is very open about how she feels about you," I laughed remembering things Leila had told me. "I know that she gets email alerts every time you upload a video or go on live chat. She follows your tumblr. She loves it when you play the piano. Oh, and Leila said Cat has 2 Danisnotonfire shirts. One she sleeps in and one she can wear out."

"Well then. You've given me way more information than I needed, but thanks Phil. I think I've got an idea for something I can do." He smiled.

"I told you none of that, by the way. I'd rather not be killed by Cat." Honestly, I figured she'd end up telling him that stuff on her own. I hadn't spent a whole lot of time with her but it was obvious that she was the type of girl who was very open about things.

After having our manly girl-talk we both threw some clothes on before heading to shop to get things that we needed for the night. It was so odd to be out shopping with Dan for purposes other than us buying pointless stuff for our flat or food just for ourselves. A really wonderful kind of odd though.

By around 6 that evening, the flat was clean, I'd kicked Dan out and he was at Leila and Cat's flat and the food was almost done. I was wearing my new blueish green button down because I wanted to look nice. I smelled really good too. In case you were wondering.

I checked my phone for what felt like the 50th time and then finally there was a knock on the door. "Coming!" I yelled from the kitchen and nearly slipped down while jogging towards the door.

"Finally," I said to myself when I looked through the peephole and saw Leila standing there. I opened the door for her and immediately grabbed her hand before pulling her towards me and wrapping my arms around her to give her a hug. "Here's your hug I promised," I said softly as I leaned down and kissed the tip of her nose.  
She wrapped her arms around me and squeezed like she hadn't seen me in days. Behind me the lights in the living area were off and the entire room was lit by candles I'd placed in all of the windows and two that were placed on the table in the middle of the floor where we'd be eating.

"Mmm. Something smells really good," Leila smiled and scrunched her nose up as she put her hand on my chest. "I think it's you.." she sniffed at me then tilted her head. "And you look, what is it.. oh, smart. I like this shirt," she told me with a laugh as she fiddled with the collar, then looked around the darkened room.

I grinned when she complimented me and reached up to brush a piece of hair away from her eyes. "Thank you," I replied before pulling her into the room and shutting the door behind her. "I'm sure you're wondering why the flat is dark," I laughed as I stepped up behind her and slipped her bag off of her shoulder to sit it down next to the door. "I figured that since we never got to have our proper date because of the shitstorm, I would improvise," I took her hand again and led her into the living room before bending down to pick up a red rose which was lying next to her wine glass. "For you," I said as I offered it to her. "I'm just going to go finish up our food. You can go ahead and sit down and I recommend sampling what I have for us to drink. I think you will _really_ love it."  
"Wow," I don't think she actually meant to say that out loud because she did was she always does when she says something that she _shouldn't; _she put her hand over her mouth. "Thank you," she said once her hand finally fell and she took the rose, then sat down. "Do you think I'll _really love it_ because it has Rohypnol in it?" She chuckled, then picked her wine glass up, eying the yellow-green contents.  
I watched her bring it up to her lips, because I really wanted to see her reaction when she got a taste of it.  
"OH MY GOD!" She squealed "Is this-" she paused and took another drink. "YOU FOUND MOUNTAIN DEW!?"  
I was laughing loudly as I walked over to her with our plates of food which consisted of a chicken stir fry that Dan taught me how to make ages ago. I'd have to thank him for that if she liked it. I sat the plate down in front of her. "Well, I had a friend back in the states send me some," I told her as I sat down on the floor next to her with my plate. "And by some I mean that there are two cases of it in your flat right now. I hid it from Dan. Don't worry."  
"I can't even," she laughed and once again I felt her arms wrap around me, hugging me. "Sorry, but you seriously just made my entire day! Ah! Thank you. This is amazing, not just the Mountain Dew either, all of it." Leila gave me another squeeze, then unlatched her arms from me.  
"Wait a second," I said before she pulled too far away and I leaned forward to press my lips gently against hers. "I just needed to do that," I said as I leaned back, smiling at her. "By the way, you never have to apologize for hugging me, kissing me, or anything that doesn't inflict pain."  
I think I may have heard a bit of a squeal when I kissed her, I'm not sure.  
"Sorry... Shit! I keep doing it!" Laughing, she sat up straighter and looked down at her plate. "Be right back, I think I may need to go mouth fap. This looks delicious. I didn't know you could cook.. Well, anything but pancakes."  
I started laughing as soon as she said mouth fap because I had never heard that before and it was amazing. Then I was just confused about the pancake comment but then I remembered the pancake video. "I can cook a few random things," I shrugged before picking up my glass. "I need to learn some more recipes. I tend to eat a lot of cereal and crisps and things that wouldn't be considered much of a meal," I laughed before taking a sip of my drink.  
"That sounds like a feast for a five year old," she laughed. "I can teach you some stuff. I'm an alright cook.. I can't bake though. That's Cat's specialty.. I once made cookies that were runny, and I just stopped trying."  
"Cookies that were runny?" I laughed, covering my mouth because I had just put food in it. "How on earth did you manage that? I'd probably eat them anyway. I love cookies."  
"I have no idea!" She said after taking a bite of her stir fry. "Cat asked the same question, then proceeded to make fun of me for a good day and half. And I doubt you would have eaten them. The neighbor's dog turned his nose up at them."  
"Awww. Well, that's alright. We'll just force Cat to bake things for us. I'm sure that with the power of yours, Dan, and my pouty faces that we could get whatever we want from her."  
"Dan's alone would get the job done. If we all gave her puppy-dog eyes she'd explode into sobs and weep over the stove, as she called herself a worthless peasant" she sniggered.  
"And what if I give you puppy dog eyes?" I asked right before leaning towards her while poking my bottom lip out and giving her the saddest eyes I possibly could. "Are they effective?"  
Leila frowned, "Thoroughly," she nodded, then started laughing. "Why? Is there something you want?" She raised a brow and raised her glass to her lips, taking a sip from it.  
I raised an eyebrow and smirked at her. "Do you really want me to answer that?" I laughed. "I've got everything I want right here actually."  
She bit her lip in an attempt to stop herself from smiling, but she failed. Her smile was so big that her eyes were hardly visible, then she covered her mouth up with the palm of her hand and shook her head.

Was I close to making her _fangirl_ scream? I kind of felt like I was.

"I'm sorry, but that was just.." she closed her eyes, still shaking her head "Really, really cute."

I couldn't stop myself from laughing because she was quite possibly the cutest person ever when she did things like that. "I do love getting reactions like that out of you," I grinned. "I've yet to hear an actual fangirl squeal of any sort though. How do those happen?"

"You almost got one," she admitted with a chuckle. "Actually, I don't even know how I stopped it." She took a few seconds to compose herself by hiding behind her hands a little longer before she looked back at me. "They just happen. Usually when I'm hit right in the fangirl or dead in the feels."

Once again, I was laughing. I wasn't sure of how I managed to make it through a day with this girl without my face hurting by the end of it because she always made me laugh. "I'm going to catch you off guard some day and make it happen. Mark my words," I pointed towards her with my fork before taking another bite of my food.

"Challenge accepted," she pointed her fork back at me. "Aside from random word vomit, I have pretty good self control."  
"You think it's word vomit but it's not. You've literally never said anything that made me like-" I leaned back and made a face like I was terrified of her.  
"Eep!" Leila squealed then slapped her hand over her mouth as she doubled over, laughing. And I mean really laughing. "That face," She was shaking her head and holding her other hand up. "I can't handle it," her body was heaving as she leaned up again. "God, why, are you so cute?! No, seriously, just answer that question. Is there something in the water here that just makes you insanely adorable? Or is it genetics? Or.. some other third option that I can't think of right now because I'm so consumed with the cutes?"  
My eyes got wide with surprise and I was probably smiling like I was completely mental but I had gotten part of a fangirl squeal and it was hilarious. But then when she started going on about me being cute, that just put icing on the cake. "Um, I have no idea?" I laughed. "I guess you could ask my Mum and Dad since they made me. Perhaps I need to ask your parents how they made such a beautiful, sweet, hilarious daughter?"  
"They would be just as perplexed as you," she nodded. "The only thing we share is DNA, and even sometimes that is questionable.. But thanks.. and, are you _trying _to make me flail and squeal and turn into a puddle of I-can't-s, and fangirl?" She asked me through giggles.  
"Oh, speaking of parents.. My mom Googled you."  
It took me a few seconds to process that correctly and then I gave her a worried expression. "Oh God. Did she watch my videos?" I laughed. "I'm a little bit scared to know what she thinks."  
She nodded, "Oh yes. She was a bit confused by your cat whiskers, said you were cute, then asked if you had a job. You know, typical motherly questions and whatnot," She shook her head. "She didn't understand it when I told her that making videos was your job though."

"What, does she think I do porn or something?" I laughed. "That's my part time job."

There she went laughing again. "Aha! I have no idea how or what that woman thinks. I didn't ask, but I may have to tell her that now. That you do porn in your spare time. That'll get a reaction!"

"I'm sure it will. Especially if she finds out that her daughter is going to be in one with me!" I made an extremely shocked face and gasped loudly. "Oh God. I would probably be like the most horrible and awkward porn star ever. I'd be laughing at everything."

"I would just be shouting the most ridiculous shit. OH BABY, SHOVE THAT PLUNGER OVER MY ASS. OH THAT'S RIGHT, PLUNGE ME. UNF," Leila grunted then laughed. "That's probably some of the strangest shit I've ever said.. and that's really saying something."

"Oh my God," I managed to say through my laughter. "I really, really wish I had a recording of you saying that because it was so hilarious. Wow. This is definitely one of the moments I was telling Dan about earlier today. You have this quiet almost innocent part of you and them BAM you have a Cat Radley moment. It's wonderful."

She raised a brow at me, "You were talking to Dan about me, huh? Interesting," she grinned. "I have them a lot. You'll see more of them the more you get to know me, which may or may not be a bad thing.. I'm not sure. I'm definitely not as.. colorful as Catherine though. She's something else entirely."

"Yes, I was talking to Dan about you. Manly girl-talk, I guess you could call it," I laughed. "I have basically decided that I adore pretty much anything you do or say. This would probably be one of those word vomit moments you talk about so often."

Leila smiled and leaned in towards me, and, much to my surprise, she kissed me. Just a quick kiss though, then she ruffled my hair a bit. "I'm very glad I'm not the only one of us who has that issue, babe." She said then looked back to her plate, popping another bite in her mouth before she could say anything else.

I grinned one of those cheesy kinds of grins. "Did you just call me babe?"

"What?" She answered trying to sound nonchalant, but she looked rather embarrassed, "Uh.. yeah, I think I did. Sorry, uh, I'm used to calling Cat that," she nodded.

"So, if I called you sweetheart or something then I could say I'm just used to calling Dan that to sort of make it not be awkward?" I joked, winking at her.

"Yeah!" She said quickly, then it seemed like the actually processed what I had said and she started laughing, "Okay, maybe not.. That might make it more awkward.. Not saying it would be awkward if you called me sweetheart, I'm just.. going to shut up now," she smiled and grabbed her glass.

I picked my glass up as well and grinned at her as I took a sip of my drink. Once she had put hers back down I scooted back a bit to stand up before holding my hand out for her. "Come on. Time for the next portion of the date."

"Next portion?" She asked as he stood up, looking slightly confused.

"Next portion," I nodded as I walked towards the doors that led to our balcony. I opened them and stepped out before letting her step out to see that I'd made a little pallet on the balcony floor with blankets so we could sit outside together without freezing to death. "It seemed like actually going outside would make it feel like a proper date so, here we are," I told her, motioning towards the spot I'd set up for us.

"Awww," Leila looked at me with a big grin on her face, but didn't say anything else as she sat down on the blanket, patting the empty spot beside her for me to join.

I sat down next to her and lifted the blanket before placing it over her legs and mine and then wrapping my arms around her so that she was snuggled against my chest. "Are you cold?" I asked, my lips right next to her ear. She smelled so good.

That wasn't creepy at all, Phil.

"Not anymore," she cleared her throat and nuzzled against my chest. "Are you?"

"Not at all," I replied. I leaned my cheek against the side of her head and wrapped my arms a bit tighter around her. "Do you think it's weird that we met such a short time ago but it feels like-" I paused because I was at a loss for words. "I just never expected to fall for anyone so quickly."

Her body stiffened against mine and her brown eyes flashed up so that she could see me, "I.. didn't either," she said quietly. "I mean, I knew I had a crush on you but.. I _like, _you.." her voice trailed off leading to a few seconds of silence before she continued. "You're special to me, Phil."  
"I think that moment of silence nearly made me soil the blankets," I responded, laughing at myself. "But seriously, you're special to me too." I turned my head and pressed my lips against her temple. "I think I've flown off the cliff that could be considered a crush though."  
I could tell that she was trying really hard not to laugh, but she couldn't stop herself. However, she quickly calmed down, smiling, and sighed happily. "I think I've dove head first off of it, honestly. I really like you, a lot." She admitted, and something told me that was a big task for her, given how coy she seemed to be about things like this. She leaned up a bit and kissed my jawline and laced her fingers through mine, pulling my arms tighter around her waist.  
It's hard to explain the feelings that rushed through me right then. Well, I guess a good way to explain it would be to say MY FEELINGS or something you'd see on Tumblr. I felt like I was on the best high ever. Everything in my life just felt right for once and I knew that it was because of the woman in my arms.  
I pulled one of my arms from around her to bring it up to her chin before turning her face towards me. "You're amazing," I whispered to her, unable to keep from smiling as my eyes roamed over her beautiful face. I leaned in and pressed my lips against hers, not hesitating to taste her bottom lip with my tongue. She tasted of Mountain Dew and herself which was a very, very nice flavor. "Would it be too soon to ask you to be my girlfriend?" I whispered against her lips, my fingertips grazing very softly against her cheek.


	8. I like Maltesers, Let's Fuck

**Cat's POV:**  
"Tell Dan that I'll come kidnap him so we can go get treats in a little while, kay?" I said to Leila as we stepped out of the elevator.  
"Yes ma'am," she saluted me while walking towards their door. I made my way to our door while fishing through my purse for our key. "How the fuck do I manage to lose things in this abyss so easily?" I grumbled as I fumbled through everything. I finally found it and looked up to unlock the door but something instantly caught my eye.  
There was a white card taped to the door which had 'Cat' written on the back and an adorable drawn photo of an actual Cat.  
I opened it up and read-  
**Roses are red,**  
**Your eyes are green,**  
**I like Maltesers,**  
**Let's fuck**  
**Go on a date with me?**  
**- Dan**  
I read it again.  
And again.  
And again.  
Then it happened and I'm not entirely sure of how it happened because I didn't really think of doing it but one of those really loud, very powerful, very high pitched squeals came out of my mouth complete with foot stomping and arm flailing.  
Dan had asked me on a date. Holy shit.  
I mean, yeah we had kissed. A lot. But him asking me on a date meant that he liked me for more than my kissing skills or large boobies.  
"Oh my God! Oh my God!" I squealed attempting to unlock the door while also bouncing. That's not easy by the way.  
I finally got the damn door open and flung my bag onto the floor before turning on the light.  
And BAM. Another scream.  
But this one was of pure terror because even though he is incredibly gorgeous I was not expecting to see Dan standing right in front of me when the light turned on.

**Dan's POV: **

"OH. MY. GOD! OH. MY GOD!" I shrieked in a very high pitched voice, bouncing up and down, just as I had seen Cat through the peephole when she found the card that I had left for her on the other side of the door.  
"So, was that a yes, squeal, or a 'oh God, I would never go out with this tall lesbian,' scream of terror?" I asked, as I moved my left hand from behind my back, revealing what was, a dozen red roses, before Phil took one for Leila. Now there were only eleven, but I'm sure if you can read this then you know how to do basic math.  
Or maybe not.  
She put her hands on her hips like she was attempting to be angry with me for trolling her but the massive smile on her face told me what her answer was. "I hate you," she laughed before suddenly throwing her arms around my shoulders and pressing her lips against mine.  
"Yes squeal," she mumbled against my lips before laughing against them.  
I had to bend down quite a bit for the logistics of this to actually work, and as I did, I slid my arms around her and rubbed the small of her back.  
I didn't think she would say no, but I was still nervous asking her, because girls are girls, even if they are amazing like Cat.  
Not to mention the fact that she's a little older than I am, and awesome, and bloody beautiful.  
"Brilliant," I smiled against her soft pouts before popping a kiss against them and loosening my left arm from around her so I could give her the flowers that she seemed to not have noticed in the midst of her fangirl freak out and what could have been a minor heart attack from scaring her.

"You had me worried there for a second. You put your hand on your hip the same way when we first me.. we both know how bad that ended," I laughed.

She pulled back from me and looked down at the flowers gasping when she got a good look at them. "I was too busy flipping out like a crazy bitch to notice these!" she said as she took them from me and then sniffed them. "They're amazing. Awwww! This is like the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me." For a second I thought she might actually cradle the flowers in her arms like a baby.

"I need to put them in some water so they don't die a horrible, sad death," she said as she walked into the kitchen with them.

I leaned against the wall where the living room met with the kitchen and watched her with a dimpled smile. On top of that statement being hilarious, it was also cute. "You do realize that they're going to die anyways, right?" I laughed. Leave it to me to say something insensitive!

"Actually, I think they've been dead since they've been hacked from their life source and wrapped up.. I'll have to Google that."

Way to be A.D.D, Daniel. Such a lady killer you are.

"Yes, I am fully aware of that, sweetie," she said as she concentrated on arranging them in a vase. "Oh and that poem? Fucking amazing," she laughed before turning towards me and beginning to walk towards me slowly with this look of a cat that was about to pounce.  
No pun intended.  
"So, when will this majestic date take place, Mr. Howell?" she asked when she got close enough to me to wrap her arms around my shoulders.  
"You like that? I put _soo _much thought into it. I think it should be on an anniversary card or something," I laughed. "I was thinking now," I said, wrapping my arms around her. "I've got my smart shirt on and everything." I looked down at her and tilted my head. "You've got time to get changed if you need to."  
"You do look rather smart," she informed me in my accent and then squealed again but it wasn't the kind of squeal I heard when she was outside. Thank God for that because I might be deaf if it had been. "I'm so excited!" she said as she let go of me and literally ran down the hall towards her room. "How do I need to dress?" she yelled. "Oh God. I was just looking for my fucking closet. These wardrobe things confuse my tits off!"  
I opened my mouth to answer her, but all that came out was laughter. My fuck, she was so funny! More funny than most women. No offense ladies.  
"Sexual," was my first response on how she should dress, then I laughed again. "No seriously though, something smart-ish, I guess?" I don't fucking know. Who am I to tell someone how to dress? I walk around with my ass hanging out of my trousers ninety percent of the time.  
"Dan, a simple answer like jeans and a sweater or a little black dress would have sufficed," she said as I heard what sounded like her throwing everything she owned across the bloody room. "I have to look cuuuuuuue!" she said in a very scary and deep voice that sort of made her sound possessed.  
"Jesus, Cat. Calm your tits! You'd look cute in a bloody burlap sack!" I shouted at her. "But if you have something little and black, feel free to wear that, I wouldn't mind seeing you in it."  
"I think it's too cold for that," she laughed. "But I'll remember that you'd enjoy seeing it."  
A couple of minutes later she finally emerged in the hall wearing a pair of blue jeans that looked like they were painted on her and immediately made me want to ask her to turn around so I could see her ass with a pair of black boots that came up to her knees and a black v-neck sweater. "Is this alright?" she asked and YES she turned around so I could see it from all angles.  
I cocked my head to the side and eyed her as I nodded, "Perfect." I wiggled my eyebrows then smiled. "No, really, you look gorgeous."  
Really. Bloody. Gorgeous.  
What world was I living in where a girl like _her _would actually be interested in me, of all fucking people.  
She walked up to me and gave me a quick peck on the lips. "Well, you look sexy. I've got a total lady boner," she nodded and winked at me as she pulled away. "I'm ready for our majestical date!"  
"Thanks," I laughed, held my arm out of her to take, and led us to her front door, where I proceeded to open it for her, because yes, believe it or not, I do have manners. "After you."  
"Such a gentleman, Mr. Howell," she said as she walked through the door but held onto my fingers once she'd stepped ahead of me. "I really am excited," she looked up at me as we walked down the hall together. "I figured I'd tell you without making some silly ass comment."  
"I can be," I smiled, shutting the door behind me; she had gotten quite a bit ahead of me, but having abnormally long arms meant that I could reach her from where I was standing.  
I hurried up though to walk beside her and lace my fingers through hers as I pressed the button for the lift. "I'm excited too," I smiled. I really was excited. I mean we had been hanging out every bloody day, but a date is different. It's more official. Hanging out is hanging out, going a date showed interest in taking things to another level; which was exactly why I was doing it. "I wonder if either of us could actually go without making some sort of horrific comment to one another.." I thought out loud as the lift chimed and the compartment doors opened, following her inside of it.  
She stayed silent for a few seconds before turning to look at me with a serious expression. "I would totally fuck your brains out in here," she informed me without even cracking a smile until about 5 seconds after. "Apparently I can't go very long without making vulgar comments at least."  
"Well that escalated quite quickly," I was trying not to laugh, because I can be quite good at pulling the serious shit, but it didn't happen. I cackle-laughed - a really odd habit I had picked up from her. "Oh well, at least we can say we tried."  
The lift doors opened and we stepped off of them and I led us through the lobby and out of the door of the building, which I also opened for her, and into the cold, London night air. Well it wasn't really all that cold to me. I was quite used to the shit weather, but since Cat was used to the weather in Los Angeles, I was sure she wasn't as comfortable, so I pulled her close to my side and put my arm around her as he walked down the street.

She wrapped her arm around my side and held on to me as we walked along together. "Am I alone in waiting for someone to scream DANISNOTONFIRE?" she asked, looking around us like she really was thinking it was about to happen.

"... Yes, you are," I sniggered. I wasn't sure if she was being serious or not. Which was probably stupid on my part, because when was she ever serious? "That doesn't happen. Well it does, but not often. I'm not a bloody celebrity."

"I never want you to be a bloody celebrity," she said as she leaned her head on my shoulder. Well, my bicep. Her head didn't really reach my shoulder that well. "If you're bloody that might mean you're near death and that would make me quite sad."

"Oh, I'm sorry," I began. "No Cat, it's not going to happen because I'm not a famous dude," I said in my rubbish American accent. God, I seriously needed to work on that. It was horrible.

"I think we need to set up some American accent lessons for you, babe," she laughed. "Where exactly are you taking me?"

"You mean Sookie accent lessons," I laughed. "We're going to Yming for delicious Chinese _noms, _as you like to call it."

She gasped excitedly and stood on her tiptoes to kiss my cheek but got my jawline instead. "You are a very good listener!" she giggled as she snuggled back against my side. "Do you have any idea of how long I have dreamed of walking around London at night?"

I tilted my head to the left in thought before shrugging. I think that may have been one of the things we haven't talked about during our random late-night banter, "I don't, actually. How long?" I asked, though I wasn't sure I'd get a serious answer.

"Pretty much all my life," she answered, smiling up at me. "Well, as long as I can remember. Me and Le have talked about coming here for years and I was starting to think it would never happen but now we live here and I feel like I've been thrown into a movie or something. It's surreal."

Oh wow, a serious answer! What is life? "Yeah? Same here. When me and Phil were finally able to get out of Manchester it was literally a dream come true," I responded. "How long are you two supposed to be in town for?" I hadn't even thought to ask that until now, and I'd never heard either her or Leila mention it. "Or is this a permanent move?" I added hopefully.

She stayed silent for a few seconds and was looking straight ahead. I assume she was thinking about what to say. "Well, Oliver is paying for our flat for 4 months. I have actually been thinking a lot about what I want to do when that 4 months is up. I haven't gotten a chance to talk to Le about it very much though." She moved her arm from around my side and slid it down to my right hand before lacing her fingers with mine.

That wasn't the answer I was hoping for, but I suppose I had been expecting it. Still, it was shit to hear, for several reasons. I got on really well with her for one. She'd become a good friend in the few weeks I'd known her. And obviously the bigger reason was that I fancied her, and didn't want her to go.

As I laced my fingers through hers, I smiled weakly and glanced at the ground, trying to collect myself a bit before she could notice the extreme amount of emo-scum-ness that was plaguing me. "Well hopefully you two can sort something out and be able to stay a bit longer," _or, you know, set it up to where you two can just live here forever. _I glanced back up at her, a more believeable smile curving my lips. "Because I definitely don't want you to go anytime soon." Four months wasn't exactly _soon, _but, with the fun we'd been having, I knew it would fly by much faster than I wanted.

I felt her hand squeeze mine and saw a really big smile starting to form. "Well, the main reason I haven't really said anything to you about it was because I didn't want to make you think I was like, moving too fast or doing it all because of you but as of right now I have no intentions of going back to the states when this 4 months is up."

"Well it's not like I own London or anything," I rolled my eyes playfully. "I can understand wanting to live here.. Y'know, cause I wanted to live here.."

She laughed. "I know you don't own London but it's different with us. You know for a fact that I was and actually still am a fangirl who had a bit of an unhealthy obsession with you. I feel like I'm sort of treading a thin line. I don't want to say or do something too soon that makes you think I only want you for fangirl reasons instead of my feelings for the real you. Does that make sense?" She asked the question but then continued speaking in true a.d.d Cat form. "I just don't want you to mistake me having such intense feelings for you so quickly for me being-" she sighed. "An obsessed weirdo who got really fucking lucky and doesn't have to kidnap the person she's obsessed with in order to spend a fuck load of time with him."

I laughed, because what she was saying was funny, but I could definitely understand where she was coming from.

I opened my mouth to speak, but I was at a slight loss for words. "Hm, how do I explain this without sounding like a pompous ass?" I asked myself out loud. "I don't really see it that way.. I can kind of tell the difference between someone who has genuine interest and someone who likes 'Danisnotonfire." I held my left hand up making my fingers into quotes.

"Anyways," I shook my head, feeling as A.D.D her she was most of the time, "Like I was saying, I don't see the situation like that.. I understand completely that most girls who take an interest in me, know what I do and who I am, but my first thought isn't 'Oh they only like me because I'm on Youtube," I sniggered. "I'm not that bloody thick. That's just how they know of me. It's not your fault that you didn't know me before all of the videos, and it's not like I'm a multi millionaire celebrity or something horrific, with all of these opportunities for self gain.. So I do understand what you're saying, but it's really not like that at all," I concluded, wondering if she understood the point I was trying to make with all of that.

"See, the rational part of my brain told me that you felt exactly how you just described but the part of my brain that's always terrified that I'm going to fuck something up sort of won in that little battle," she laughed. "But yeah I just didn't want you to be like 'Wow, we haven't even gone on a date and she's going to move to London'. Cause we both know some girls are that crazy."

"I never would have thought that. You didn't come here for me, so I definitely wouldn't have assumed that you would stay here for _me. _I know you well enough to know that the only people you would do something that drastic for is yourself and Leila,"

She laughed. "Yeah well, what's crazy is that I probably would stay for you if you asked me not to go."

I grinned a very large, dimpled grin, because that was extremely sweet. "I'm flattered, but, as much as I do want you to stay, I don't think I could ever be that selfish. I mean you've got your family and everything back home.." Was I making any bloody sense? I shook my head, "I'm just saying, I think something like that should be _your _decision," I nodded in conclusion as I brought our entwined hands to my lips and brushed them against the back of her hand.

"Well, my parents would probably tell me to stay. Actually, they already have," she laughed. "They are very much so those kind parents who are all follow your dreams, be happy, peace, love, and all that jazz. I sent my Mom a video of you this morning and she emailed me back and said her and my Dad had watched it like 5 times and laughed their asses off."

"Oh, those are the best kinds of parents, the kind who encourage you to do what _you _want to do instead of living up to some sort of expectation. Mine are the same way," I nodded.

Oh God, parents plus my videos.. I wasn't sure how to feel, but once she explained herself fully, I felt loads better about it. "Well that's always a good thing, and it's flattering, knowing a different population of people find me funny. Actually, anyone thinking that I'm funny is flattering."

"They are amazing parents. I could have said I was going to go live in a freakin nudist colony and they'd find some way to be supportive," I laughed. "Mom said that you seemed very mysterious though. She said there's much more to you than the funny guy in the videos. Smart woman, she is."

"I can see where you get your smarts from," I smiled and patted the top of her head as we rounded the corner. "YES! There isn't a bloody line!" I said rather loudly, catching the attention of a few older people passing by. "Hello," I waved at them as I led Cat into Yming. I loved calling attention to people when they stared at me. Especially when I knew they were judging me. Which was every second of everyday.

"Welcome to Yming, how many?" The host asked.

"Two," obviously.

"Right this way." He grabbed two menus and walked us to a booth in the corner of the room. Cat scooted to the middle of the seat on her side as I slid to the middle of mine.

"Would you two like a drink while you decide what to order?" the man who sat us at the booth asked. I saw Cat's blue eyes peek up over the top of her menu and I could tell she was smiling.

"Two glasses of red wine, please," I ordered, knowing that was most likely what she would want.

"Wonderful. I'll have that for you in a moment," the man said before walking away. Cat laid the menu down and was grinning at me.

"You really pay attention to me, don't you?" she asked, seeming genuinely blown away by the fact that I noticed things about her like what she liked to eat and drink. Hell, at that point I could probably plan her outfits.

"What kind of a tit do you take me for? Of course I pay attention," I teased with a chuckle.

She laughed and shrugged her shoulders as she looked back down at the menu. "I'm just not used to that I guess. Except for with Leila. She can probably tell me what I'm about to do before I even know."

"You better start getting used to it then," I winked and pointed at her. "I'm a really curious person and I like learning about other people, so as long as we're hanging out, I'll be doing the same for you."

I had my menu open, pretending to look over it, though in all honesty, I already knew what I wanted. I'd actually known since I had planned to bring her here, and I'd been looking forward to chicken in Hot Sesame sauce all day. "What are you having?" I asked, peering at her from the top of the menu. Yes, I was about to judge her based on what she ordered. Shut up.

She chewed on her bottom lip like she always did when she was in deep thought. It made me want to lean over the table and kiss her. "I think I want the treasure hunt Shanghai style. Is that good?"

I made a face like I was completely disgusted, then started laughing, "No, that's actually really, really good. The name is fun too. If I hadn't been looking for the Chicken in Hot Sesame all day, I'd be ordering that," I nodded. Okay, so she was funny, beautiful, had a wonderful personality, and she had good taste.

Ha! Double entendre.

"It sounds yummy," she said looking quite excited when she laid her menu down. "I might steal a bite of yours though. Or we can trade bites." She laughed. "That could be taken the wrong way." The waiter approached us again with our glasses of wine and then asked if we were ready to order.

"Yes, she'd like the treasure hunt Shanghai style, and I'd like chicken in Hot Sesame," I smiled kindly. The waitress smiled, took our menus and walked away once more.

"Another lovely plus of going out to dinner with you. I can't exactly share _bites _with Phil without looking like a complete homosexual," I laughed.

She had just taken a sip of her wine and covered her mouth because she started giggling quite hard. "Oh wow," she said, laughing once she was able to swallow her drink. "Ooo yummy wine," she said before taking another sip. "You should probably make sure I don't drink too much because I might take advantage of you," she winked. "And steal your Maltesers stash."

"Wouldn't I be the one taking advantage of you if you drank too much?" I asked as I picked up my wine glass. "And by take advantage of you, I really mean, borrow your awesome llama shirt again." I winked back at her then helped myself to a drink.

She raised an eyebrow and leaned forward a bit when I mentioned the llama shirt. "The last time you stole my llama shirt I found myself with you shirtless and on top of me for a couple of hours while we made out so I can't really say that I'm against that." She gave me a smug little smirk before picking up her wine glass and taking a sip of it without taking her eyes off of me.

"Touche," I raised my brow back at her as put the rim of the glass to my lips, keeping my eyes on her just as fiercely as I took another drink.

Sitting my glass back down on the table, I leaned back against the booth. "So, I'm pretty sure Phileila is going to be a _real _ship tonight," I commented. No, I wasn't trying to fish for details from Catherine. I think I was more or less trying to see what her opinion on it was, since she had said she was worried about _us _moving so fast.

Her eyes got really wide and her mouth popped open at the same time which was a very amusing sight. "Are you shitting me?" she asked, grinning like mad. "Did Phil say that he was going to ask her or something? Oh mylanta. I hope he does. I ship them so hard," she laughed.

I shook my head and my hair fell over my eye, "No, I'm not shitting you," I laughed, amused. "He didn't come out and say it, but he was acting more awkward than normal earlier. He really likes her.. I'd say he adores her, even. I hope she says yes, I'm not sure how he would take it if she said no," I laughed again. Though, in the back of my mind, I couldn't help but think what would happened between Catherine and I if she turned him down.

Most selfish person on the planet? Me.

"I would be really, really fucking shocked if she turned him down. I mean really shocked," she laughed. "Literally the only reason I can think of for her turning him down would be that she's worried about how it would affect his fans. Like I think she's really bothered by the idea of him possibly losing subscribers and whatnot because of her. But I told her that you two wouldn't really want someone who is only subscribed to you if you seem available to them because they're selfish delusional twats, ya know?"

Hearing her say all of that made me feel a little better over the whole ordeal, especially after the conversation Phil and I had earlier. If things went sour between them, it would definitely affect things between Cat and myself.

"Definitely," I nodded. "I figured that, or being afraid of more internet bashing would stop her. Which is understandable, but Leila really needs to learn to rise above all of that, especially if her book deal gets any bigger. Or when, rather, since she's got a bloody _movie, _coming out. I've said it before - life is too short to worry about _internet _drama."

"Or alpacalypses," she nodded, grinning. "I think she's understanding that now though. She will rise above all that bullshit. She's the strongest, most determined person that I have ever met. If she wants something she's gonna get it." She picked her glass up and laughed. "God knows she's wanted Phil since I showed her the video of you and him forever ago."

"So _you, _started the Phil and Dan madness that has given her so many feelings and quite possibly may ruin her life forever?" I asked, laughing. "Oh wow, I think I just got an idea for a video! Sorry, A.D.D moment."

"Yep. Guilty as charged," she laughed. "It's all my fault." Her eyes got wide and she looked super excited. "What's the idea?" she laughed. "And why am I getting so excited like I don't see you every single day now?"

"Because you're an actual fan of _my work," _I smiled. "Hanging out with me is one thing, and watching my videos is something else entirely."

"But my idea, well, I'm sure you know about the madness that's been going on Tumblr, since you're now actually involved in it.." I laughed, because actually saying that out loud reminded me that she'd been caught in the eye of the Phan tornado. Somehow, it had slipped my mind. "Internet fandoms, and how they consume people's lives is the general idea I have right now. I'll sort it out eventually, when I don't have better things to think about." I grinned.

"I think that all of Tumblr would basically explode and reblog the living fuck out of that if you make it," she laughed. "I can definitely help you if you need a fangirl's point of view. Though it seems you have a pretty good idea of how most fangirls feel and think." She took a long sip of her wine and grinned at me. "What exactly are you thinking about right now?"

The waitress came back to our table with our food and sat both of plates down in front of us. My stomach instantly started growling, so when Cat asked me the latter question, I had to stop myself from saying 'how good this is going to taste.'

"You," I smiled as I picked up my fork. It wasn't a lie, because she had asked me that _before _I saw my food. "How much I like you, how gorgeous you are, how amazing you are.. just, _you," _I said honestly before taking a bite.

"What are _you, _thinking about?"

She was taking a bite of her food before I asked that and after she finished it she made a little moaning noise. "About how fucking good this food is," she laughed. "You're so sweet. It catches me off guard. I guess because I've never seen this side of you. But I've really been thinking about how sweet you are, how distractingly gorgeous and sexy you are, how much I really want to kiss you, and how fucking lucky I am. I think a lot," she nodded before taking another bite of her food.

I couldn't stop myself from grinning look a person with a severe mental deficit. Everyone who saw this side of me was just as surprised - apparently it was socially unacceptable for someone who is as ridiculous as I am most of the time to actually have a romantic side.

I waited until her bite was gone before leaning over the table onto my elbows. I cupped her cheek and pressed a kiss against her lips, and pulled away slightly so I could gaze into her beautiful green eyes, that happened to have a bit of a blue tinge in them tonight. "I'm the lucky one," I said, stroking my thumb across her cheek before kissing her again and leaning back against my seat, my eyes still on her.

She just stared at me with a sort of hazy look in her eyes and a really big grin. Her cheeks were a bit pink as well. She cleared her throat and picked up her glass of wine before downing the rest of it. "Sorry. I think-" she closed her mouth and then covered it with her hand and let out the girliest giggle I'd ever heard come out of her. "Jesus. You've just reduced me to a 14 year old girl who just got kissed by her crush for the first time," she laughed. "Not that that's a bad thing."

I'd never seen Cat react like that, and honestly, I didn't think I ever would. She had such a strong, confident personality. I didn't think anything could ever make her shy up and turn pink. But somehow I had managed to do it to her, which was definitely an ego boost for me, and completely adorable on her part.

"I quite liked that reaction," I said honestly as I picked at my food. Smiling at her, I leaned forward again and extended my arm to give her bite. "Try this. It tastes almost as good as your lips," I scrunched my nose up, grinning.

Once again I was given a big smile before she leaned forward and opened her mouth to take the bite. Jesus. Did she have to wrap her lips around the fork so seductively? Or was that just me being overly horny?

"Mmmm," she let out another one of those sexual little noises.

Wow, Dan. Calm down.

"That is absolutely orgasmic," she told me, pointing to my plate. She picked up her fork and got a bite of food before extending her arm to me. "Try mine?"

"And catch cooties?! No way!" Oh, so, so, sooo, bloody romantic. "Kidding," I smiled and and leaned forward to have a bite of her Shanghai Style. Of course, being me, I had to do something ridiculous in the process. Like lick my lips and eye her all dramatically sexual, which caused me to laugh, because what in the fuck?

I guess it was a fact, we couldn't get through five minutes without acting silly.

"Mmm! So. Good," I rolled my eyes in the back of my head as I chewed.

She started laughing quite hard and shook her head at me. "Wow, Dan. Wow. I don't even know what to do with you sometimes," she said a she picked her napkin up and wiped her hands. "I'm going to go to the lady's room really quick. Try not to get kidnapped or anything?" she said as she stood up. As she walked past me she leaned down and quickly pressed her lips against mine which I wasn't expecting at all.

A few minutes later I was nomming away happily when she returned. I looked up and was very confused to see her standing next to the table with 2 girls I had never seen before and who were staring at me with very shocked expressions.

"I happened to find some fans in the bathroom," Cat laughed, motioning towards them with her thumbs. "I told them that I'd bring them to you so they could say Hi."

"We're really sorry!" One of the girls said very quickly. "We don't mean to bother you two or anything but we're from the states and we're huge fans and we couldn't just leave here without saying Hi."

"And getting a picture if you don't mind," the other one added while giving me this puppy dog eyes sort of face.

"Don't be sorry," I smiled at them, reassuring them that they were okay. "I love meeting you guys."

I put my fork down and scooted over a little further so that the girls could sit down at the booth with me. Of course they just kind of stood there, continuing to look a little confused so I patted the empty spot beside me. "Well have a seat then," I laughed, then glanced at Catherine. "Do you care to take a few pictures?" I asked her.

"You act like I'm a photographer or something," she rolled her eyes and then laughed. "Of course I'll take it," she said as she extended her hand for one of the girl's cell phone. They scooted into the booth with me and I stretched my arm across the back of the seat.

"Y'all ready?" Cat asked and we all said yes at the same time which made them laugh. Cat snapped the photo and checked it out. "Ah! It's so cute!" she said as she handed the girl her phone.

"Thanks so much, Dan. You're amazing," the girl sitting next to me said before moving to get out of the booth.

Cat moved to sit back down but one of the girls stopped her. "Wait! Can we get a photo with you too?"

I looked over at Cat to see the most hilariously confused expression on her face. "Sure," she shrugged, laughing. She stood up again and then girl handed me her phone before she and her friend got on either side of Cat.

Of course, Cat being herself, wrapped her arms around their shoulders and made the most enthusiastic happy face she could possibly pull.

I laughed and shook my head before snapping the photo. "Thank you!" both of the girls said excitedly. "You're both awesome!" the one who hadn't spoken much said before they walked off giggling and talking to each other.

I watched Cat sit back down and she looked up at me smiling and shaking her head. "That was pretty fucking bizarre," she laughed. "I walk out of the stall and this girl turns around and literally just screams WHISKERS in my face. They were SO sweet! You should have heard them talking about how the ship Can and how the aren't psycho fans. Awwww. Cute little things"

I literally busted out laughing. That's why I adore my Phans. "That's brilliant," I said through chuckles as I shook my head, thoroughly amused.

She laughed along with me and then picked up her glass of wine which I'd gotten refilled while she was gone. "I was very shocked when they said they ship Can. You were so sweet to them. I think you earned serious cuddle privileges with that one," she winked at me before popping a bite of food into her mouth.  
"Yeah, me too. But I reckon that's proof that they're not all... so, passionate," That was the way I liked to describe my hardcore fans, instead of calling them 'crazy' like others liked to. "Too bad Leila couldn't have seen the good side of all of the madness." I smiled then tilted my head. "I'm always sweet to them!" I defended with a laugh, somehow momentarily forgetting our horrific first encounter.

"But I am definitely going to take you up on that offer. The only thing I like more than Maltesers is cuddling."

"I know you're always sweet to them," she responded while pushing her plate away from herself. "I was just looking for a reason to inform you that I would really like to cuddle with you again tonight," she laughed.

"Wanting to cuddle is reason enough," I replied, I too pushing my plate away. It was odd, but having food near me that I wasn't going to eat really irked me. "Are you ready to get out of here?"

"If we always cuddled when I wanted to cuddle then we'd never get out of bed. Especially yours because it's way more comfy than mine," she said before scooting out of the booth. "Yes sir. Are we going to go cuddle now?" she asked before a last sip of her glass of wine.

"Something like that," I smiled as I stood up and extended my hand to take hers. I'd left the pounds on the table with a tip hidden under my napkin, so I didn't have to be bothered with taking to the waitress again.

I led Catherine out of the restaurant and onto the pavement where a horse and buggy was waiting for us in the street. I instantly started to blush at my arrangements for the evening, because how bloody cheesy was this?

"Is this too much?" I laughed as I looked down at her.

She looked at the carriage and then back at me with a very shocked expression on her face. Cat was definitely someone who gave away every little bit of emotion by her facial expressions and definitely with her eyes. "This- this is for me?" she asked, pointing at it. "Seriously?" she laughed and then covered her mouth to attempt to muffle an odd sort of squeal. "Holy shit! You are so sweet!" she said before throwing her arms around my shoulders and standing on her tiptoes to kiss my lips.

And this wasn't one of those little peck sorts of kisses. She full on kissed me like, 'I want to rip your clothes off and rub our genitals together' kissed me right there on the pavement with people walking by.

"Sorry," she said breathlessly as she pulled back grinning up at me.

"Don't be sorry," I grinned before bending down pecking her lips once more. "And of course it's for you," I said as I slid my arms from around her and offered her my hand to help her onto the buggy, where a blanket was waiting to keep both of us warm against the chilly London night. Surprisingly, it wasn't raining, and you could actually see the stars hanging against the navy sky.

I got her up onto the seat and as soon as I was sat next to her I laid the blanket over us and wrapped my arms around her. She snuggled against me with her back pressed against my side and part of my chest, her head resting against my shoulder. "I can't believe I'm getting to do this right now," she laughed.

"Me either," I said softly before placing a kiss on top of her head. "I'm glad you like it.. I wasn't sure how you would feel about it.. It's kind of a lot for a first date. At least that's what I kept telling myself.. But I wanted it to be something you'd remember."

"We're different than most people going on a first date though. I like to think we are anyway. We had one of those instant connections even though we were both ready to kill each other. Even extreme anger has passion behind it." She placed her hands over mine under the covers and linked her fingers with mine.

She had a really good point. Even though we hadn't started out on the best terms, we did have an instant connection. A spark that I'm sure neither of had expected to be there, but quickly rose into a steady flame.

I tightened my arms around her and rested my chin on her shoulder, quietly singing, "I like bananas, I like bananas in the sunshine. Sunshine, sunshine bananas. I like bananas, I like bananas on the moon. Moon, moon, moon."

She started laughing before I even got the second 'I like bananas' out. "That was my ringtone on my old phone, I hope you know," she told me through her laughter. "Oh and you were the wallpaper on it. I have dedication."

"Oh?" I laughed. "I'm flattered again.. Oh, speaking of wallpaper," I dug around in my pocket for my phone. "I think we should have a picture of this." I slid my finger across the screen, unlocking it, before going to the camera and holding my arm out to snap a photo. "Smile!" I said then flashed a grin, and the flash went off. Blinking, almost blinded from the brightness I turned the phone back around and held to where we could both see it.

"We look good together."

She sat up a bit to look at the photo. "Awwww! We really do. Can you text that to me, please?" she asked, turning her head so she could look up at me. "I need a new wallpaper."

"No, I'm going to be a greedy tit," I replied sounding quite serious but was literally already attaching the photo to a text message, with a message that said; **the first of many.**

"There you go," I pressed a kiss against her cheek.

She turned her head and pressed her lips against mine for a quick kiss before pulling her phone from her pocket and holding it up so that I could see the screen. I heard a little laugh from her when she read the message and even though I was sitting there watching her she sent a text back that said; **I certainly hope so. 3**

She then changed the phone to her wallpaper and looked at it for a second before sliding her hand back under the blanket and putting her phone away. "This is definitely my best first date ever. You deserve a trophy or something."

"I've already got my prize," I said quietly against her ear.

God, did I really just say that _out loud_? I was turning to puddy with each and every second I spent with her.


	9. Things That Go Bump In The Night

**Cat's P.O.V**

You know what sucks so bad? When you're in one of those orgasmically wonderful, deep sleeps and all of the sudden you wake up and feel like someone put the fucking desert into your mouth.

Normally I would have a bottle of water next to my bed because of this but I wasn't in my bed which I was reminded of when I realized I was being used as a body pillow by Dan. Not that I'm complaining. But I knew I was about to have to pull some ninja moves to get out of his arms and legs to go to the kitchen.

After about 5 minutes of very careful movements to wiggle my way out of his grasp, I managed to make my way to the door. It was really fucking dark while I was making my way down the hallway and I was trying not to scare the shit out of myself. I hated walking around in the dark at night. I felt like I was going to suddenly see Slenderman just chillin out waiting for my ass.

Too much internet.

I figured I was halfway down the hallway when my body suddenly collided with another body and my first reaction was to scream like someone had just stabbed me.

I heard a loud gasp followed by feet pitter-pattering across the hardwood floor and the sound of stuff shuffling around before the lights came on, nearly blinding me.

Leila was crouched down beside the couch in Dan's living room with a stuffed Totoro in her hand, with her arm cocked back like she was about to use it as a weapon. "Jesus Christ! You scared me!" She gasped.  
I just stared at her for a second as I waited for my fucking heart to start beating properly again. "Holy tits on a fucking cracker! I thought you were Slenderman or something. Shit," I said as I bent down and put my hands on my knees to keep myself from fainting. "What the fuck were you gonna do, Le?" I asked, looking up at her. "Bludgeon me to death with a wad of cotton and fabric?" I laughed. "I didn't even know you were here."  
I heard the click of one of the boy's doors open and turned around to see Phil standing there with his hair all disheveled and only one eye open.  
The very best part was that he was only wearing a pair of boxer briefs.  
"What the hell?" he asked, sounding like he was practically sleep walking.  
I tilted my head to look at him a bit closer and laughed. "It's okay, Phil. Le and I just scared each other. You can go back to bed."  
He didn't say a word. I don't even think he blinked before walking back into his room. I turned to look at Leila and laughed. "I suddenly feel so much closer to him."  
Leila was rising back up as she tossed the stuffed ball of fluff back onto the couch, her other hand still clutching her chest. I'm pretty sure her heart was still pounding relentlessly.  
"When did you get here?" She whispered, not wanting to draw anymore attention into the room. "And I'll have you know, I could have killed you with that thing just then," she laughed groggily as she brought her hand up to rub her eyes. "Fuck, you scared me."  
"Yeah, I'm so fucking glad I didn't have to pee because there'd be a puddle in that damn hallway," I whispered, pointing behind me. "And now we know that if we are ever brutally murdered while Phil and Dan are sleeping that we'll be fucked because Dan is still passed out and Phil is a zombie. We finally found a flaw," I laughed. "Oh and we got in a little after 1. I guess you two were already asleep or whatever y'all were doing," I winked at her and thrusted the air before walking to the kitchen.  
"Or whatever," Leila winked and clicked her tongue, and though I couldn't see her, I was pretty sure she was pointing her finger at the back of my head as she followed me into the kitchen. "What did you two get into?" She asked as she leaned against the counter.

My, she was being awfully chatty at what I was guessing was 5-something in the morning.

I was reaching down to get a bottle of water when I fullY processed what she said and I stood up very quickly and looked at her while gasping. "Did you get filled up by Phil?"

She laughed then looked up at me, smiling, her chin resting on her palms. "No," she shook her head. "Hand me one of those? My mouth is like a fucking sandbox," she deflected.

"Aw. Damn," I pretended to pout at her before opening the fridge again to grab a bottle of water for her. I walked over and handed hers to her before taking a sip of my own. "Sooo, do you have anything to tell me?" I asked, grinning like the crazy, nosy woman that I am.

She took the bottle from me, twisted the cap off and then literally guzzled half of it before letting out one of the loudest burps I'd ever heard.

"Ah!" She smacked her lips then looked up at me, the same smile curving her lips. "Yes," she nodded.

I love Leila, but, my fuck, she could be annoying when it came to stuff like this.

I didn't mean to but my first reaction was to squeal and then attack her. I was jumping up and down while hugging her tightly.

"I can't," I said, shaking my head as I pulled back to look at her. "I..I... MY FEELS!" I laughed. I literally could not come up with words for what I was feeling.

She didn't even get excited with me at first, or start squealing and flailing her arms, she just kind of looked at me, confused, a single judge-y brow raised. "How.. Who told you?!" she asked, though it was obvious that there was only one person who could have communicated the news to me, since I hadn't seen her since leaving for my date. "I wanted to tell you damn it!" There she was. She jumped up and down in place then threw her arms around me, forcing me into one of her massive, rib cracking hugs.

I couldn't help myself. I had to squeal again. I knew if I didn't, then I might lose control of my arms and start slapping her in a frenzy of feel overload. "Well, I mean. Dan didn't really know for sure if it was going to happen. He said Phil was being even more awkward than usual and I guess they're just like us and they've gotten sort of predictable to each other," I laughed and then covered my mouth. "Oh God. Phileila is REAL. I can't even right now. I'm just. Wow. Is this real life?" I laughed.

"Ahhhhh!" She shrieked, quite loudly. "I know! Trust me I KNOW!" Leila clapped her hands together and started shuffling her feet again before bouncing, then quickly slapped her hand over her mouth at the sound of a door creaking open again.

Why she hid behind me, I do not know. She had to be a good six inches taller than me.

"What, in the actual fuck, is happening right now?" A very groggy Dan appeared from the hallway, his hair just as messy as Phil's had been, the same one eyed confusion written all over his face.

"I'm having sex with Leila in your kitchen," I answered him with a completely serious look on my face.

He just looked between the two of us for a few seconds and shook his head before turning around and going back to where he came from.

Leila was laughing from behind me, "Did you get to taste Dan's Maltesers?" she asked, obviously noticing that was in nothing more than a pair of boxer briefs.

I sighed. "No. I haven't yet and I'm telling you right now that I really do not know how much longer I'm going to last," I told her as I turned around. "I mean, my fucking loins are like dead from quivering so much. He has destroyed like every pair of panties I own since the first night he kissed me. And tonight? Oh my God! He took me on a fucking horse drawn carriage thingy around London. I felt like I was in one of those romantic comedies that make you realize you'll probably end up being an old cat lady. It's ridiculous how fucking-" I held my hands up towards the ceiling being quite dramatic. "Just- If I could verbalize smashing my face against a keyboard right now then it would explain it."  
Leila had gone through two extremes of emotion within the last five seconds. At first she was looking at me with her best 'awe' face, but now she was doubled over the counter laughing, and she remained that way, heaving silently until she completely calmed herself.  
"That's so... I-" she shook her head. "No words. None," she flung her arms around me again but quickly pulled away from me. "That's friggin adorable, is about the only thing I've got since I don't have my phone to send you a mess of jumbled letters followed my five more messages of exclamation points."  
I laughed as I rubbed the side of my face. "Everyday I wake up and I'm like, am I dreaming all this shit? This is just not real. Maybe I've been drugged by an angry Starbucks employee." I took another sip of water. "Okay, so how did your night go? What did he say when he asked you? Did you attack him and lick all over his cute Phil face?"  
Leila sighed, "Before I get into that, I have to show you what he got me," she turned around and walked towards the refrigerator. I heard her shuffling things around, before she finally turned to face me again holding a can of Mountain Dew. Okay, not just holding, more like cuddling and petting a can of Mountain Dew. "Perfect man is perfect," she nodded, completely serious.  
"Holy shit. He's your soulmate," I laughed. I don't think I can really explain how serious she was about her Mountain Dew. Pretty much the same way I am about having coffee first thing in the morning. It's like a life necessity.  
I heard a door open again and looked down the hall to see Phil standing there. "Leila, I can't fall back asleep now," he literally whined like a little kid and of course it was the most adorable thing ever.  
I looked over at her and grinned. "Someone is whipped already. Good job, booboo."  
Leila grinned and poked her head around to look at him, "He's not whipped, he's just a big pile of adorable." Aww, and she's taking up for him. "I'll be right with you babe, I was just showing Cat my present."  
"Babe," I mocked her like a 10 year old. "You two are so cute I feel like I might O.D. on cutes over here." I put the cap back on my water and started walking towards the hallway. "This conversation will be finished in the morning, young lady," I told her as I made my way back towards Dan's room. Phil was still standing in the hallway just staring at Leila. I was still wondering if he was actually sleepwalking.  
"Goodnight, Phileila," I said before walking into Dan's room. It was dark as fuck in there so I began shuffling towards where I thought the bed might be. My knee finally bumped into it so I sat the bottle of water down on the floor before moving to crawl onto the bed. It wasn't until I was actually sitting on some part of him that I realized Dan was what was under me instead of the mattress. "This could be awkward depending on what part of you my ass and vagina are smashing all up against," I said as I put my hands down and began trying to feel around to figure out what the fuck I was doing.

"That's definitely my penis," Dan laughed groggily, "And that's my stomach, and that is my arm," he explained, moving his arm against the hand that I was touching. "How was the kitchen sex?"

I wiggled my hips around and- "Oh. Well, hello there," I laughed. "I think I'm so sexually frustrated that my vagina is attempting to take me to what could cure it's sadness." I rolled off of him and snuggled under the covers again. "It was fantastic. We poured Mountain Dew all over each other's naked bodies and licked it off."

Out of everything I said, I really, really loved how he only seemed to process one part of it. "How did we get Mountain Dew?!"  
I facepalmed myself and the slap echoed in his room. "Phil got it for Leila as a surprise and if you touch any of it she'll probably shoot you in the face."  
"Did you just slap your own ass?" Dan asked with another laugh as he slipped his arms around me, cuddling up against me. "Even if I do this? Oh, wait, you can't see me. I'm pouting."  
I laughed and reached up to find his face before kissing his lips and he wasn't lying, he really was pouting. "I'm sorry, baby. She's very protective over that stuff. It's like her life line or something. Or her crack rock."  
Dan whined against my lips, "Phil never does stuff like that for me." He placed his head on my chest, pretending to weep. "What has my life come to?" I think he was either delirious, or wide awake. Or maybe he'd slipped himself some Rohypnol. I'm not sure.  
I couldn't see him but I could imagine what he looked like and that was enough to make me laugh really hard. "I think you've gone bonkers. Phil doesn't do things like that for you because he's not captivated by your sexiness and falling in love with you or anything. Which is a good thing."  
"That's not what the internet says!" He defended, which _really _showed his maturity. "According to them, he should be putting a ring on it!" He continued to pretend-weep against my chest.  
"Dan you are lying in bed with a girl who is only dressed in your t-shirt and a pair of panties and you're pretending to cry over your best friend not buying you Mountain Dew," I informed him while petting his hair. "And I am not shocked by anything I just said."

What I said must have tickled his funny bone, because his fake weeps turned into real laughter. "And this is why you're perfect," he said through chuckles. "I'm pretty sure that my normal behavior would annoy any other girl."

I laughed along with him because it's hard not to laugh when he laughs. Seriously. One of the most hilarious laughs ever.

"I wouldn't say perfect but yeah, I'm totally a catch." I flipped my hair over my shoulder even though he couldn't see me in the dark.

"Well I would," I felt his lips press against the side of my face, then against my ear. "Damn it, where are your lips, even?" He asked, using his hand to feel around my face for them. "Aha! Found em!" he laughed evilly then kissed me like 5 times in a row.

I giggled against his lips on the 5th kiss. "Are you a kissing villain or something?" I asked, referring to the evil laugh that came before the kisses.

"The kissy monster!" He pecked my lips five more times. Yeah, I was counting. Don't act like you wouldn't.

"I quite like the kissy monster," I replied as I slid my hand to the back of his head and pulled him back down so I could steal a kiss of my own. Of course I lack the self control to be cute and just give pecks and managed to rape his mouth. But not in a gross, sloppy, slobbery way or anything.

He didn't seem to mind, because he kissed me back. Or mouth raped me back. Whichever sounds the best to you.

I pulled back a few seconds later and smacked my forehead. "Gotta stop. Sorry. I'm 2 seconds from going into slut mode and begging you to bang me."

I wish I would have been joking.

Totally wasn't.

"Wow. That escalated quite quickly... Would you slap me if I said I wanted you to beg me? No one's ever done that before.." His laughter was suddenly muffled, as he hid head under the cover. I'm guessing to protect himself from whatever wrath he was afraid I might dish out on him.

"You're full of shit," I laughed. "I know that people on tumblr have begged you to have sex with them." I knew what he had meant though...and I was still shocked. "How could someone not beg you to have sex with them? That's-" I paused. "Oh my God. I need to get my hormones checked out or something. I am not a normal girl," I laughed.

"People on the internet don't count," Dan said, removing the covers from his face once he realized he was safe. "And I dunno. Maybe because I resemble a tall lesbian?" I could feel his shoulders shrug. "I'm pretty sure you're a girl... Let me check."

He slid his hand down my thigh and pressed his fingers between my legs, against my underwear. "Yeah, you're definitely a girl... a very, very turned on girl, at that."

My breath audibly caught in my throat and my whole body tensed up. "Dan. You. Are. Evil," I managed to whisper while forcing myself NOT to hump his damn hand.

"Shhh," he hushed me, his lips lingering over mine, before he dipped in and kissed me, his fingers pressing harder against my panties as he rubbed them against the fabric.

Oh dear God. He was going to kill me and he hadn't even touched me underneath my panties yet.

I didn't mean to but a moan escaped my throat against his lips and my hand immediately went to the back of his head where I tangled my fingers into his hair.

His body leaned in closer to mine as he deepened our kiss, and his fingers slipped under the wet lace and he rubbed them against me.

Crawling on top of me, he moved his hand away and took my underwear, pulling them down off of my hips, and down to my thighs.

When his body finally settled on mine I could feel his erection pushing against me, and his hands fiddling around on the dresser beside us.  
I had a LOT of thoughts running through my head. One of them was 'are you about to have a fucking heart attack?' because my heart was beating SO fast and SO hard. I mean, I'm not going to lie. I had fantasized about this many, many, many times but being in the situation was much different.  
And much better.  
While he was fiddling around with the dresser, I took the opportunity to sit up a bit and remove his shirt I had been wearing. I'm fairly certain I've never ripped a shirt off of my body as quickly as I managed to rip that one off.  
I realized once I'd settled back down and I put my hands on his back that I was trembling and it was noticeable. I mean trembling from head to toe like I was naked in the snow or something.  
Dan's briefs had magically disappeared sometime during all of this, so when he leaned in against me again, I could feel his cock pushing against me between my legs. I didn't have a chance to breathe properly before his lips were on mine again, kissing me hungrily, as he guided his tip against my pussy, teasingly.

His lips moved from mine and his tongue trailed from my lips, across my jaw line and onto my neck, where he closed his pouts around my skin, nipping at, then sucking on it, while he slowly inserted himself inside of me.

I was glad that he couldn't see me because before he was completely inside of me my eyes had already rolled back and my mouth was sort of stuck open. My hands were gripped onto his back and my back was arched making my body press closer against his. When he finally was completely inside of me, I remembered to breathe and a moan escaped my lips as soon as I exhaled for the first time.  
"Oh my God," I whispered and sort of moaned at the same time. I was completely sure that I had never been with anyone that measured up to him if you know what I mean.  
His hips swayed slowly, grinding against mine and a low growl came from his throat and smothered my ear, because that's where his mouth was now, his teeth lightly tugging at my earlobe. One of his hands was wound up in my hair, and as he pushed his hips a little harder, he grasped it a little tighter, causing my head to jerk slightly.  
His left hand was between my thighs, pressing against my clit, as it had been almost the entire time. Though, I could feel the pads of his damp fingers inching up my torso, over my chest, and up to my throat, where he fanned his fingers out, and let his palm rest against it, as he kissed me deeply, pumping his hips a little harder.

I was trying to keep myself in check but with every movement his hips made I was moaning involuntarily. It felt entirely too good to hold it back. I wrapped one of my legs around his hips to allow him to push deeper inside of me which was a very good thing and a bad thing at the same time.

"Fuck!" I moaned out really, really loudly and I knew in the moment that it was loud but I could not help it. I began moving my hips along with his, meeting him each time he thrust inside of me.

Dan's hand tightened around my throat, choking me. I'm not sure if he was trying to get me to be quiet, or if he was just so into what he was doing that it just happened.

His hand tugged at my hair and I could feel his teeth sinking into my shoulder, his hips drilling me faster, harder, and deeper than before.

He grunted again, his mouth now on the side of my neck that his hand wasn't covering. He bit down then pulled his head back, tugging my skin along with him until it finally retracted back; he then messaged his tongue against the same spot, and down onto my collar bone, where he started to nip and suck.

My entire body was shaking like mad beneath him and at this point I had lost all control of the volume of my moaning and a bit of screaming because of everything he was doing to me at once. I moved one of my hands from his back and up to the back of his head again to guide him back up to me before I pressed my lips against him and kissed him with more passion than I'm sure I ever had. My moans were muffled by that at least.

I could feel myself inching closer and closer to cumming but I tried to hold it back. There wasn't a single part of me that was ready for this to be over.

I broke the kiss for a second and pressed my forehead against his only to catch my breath which was heavy and rough sounding. "You feel so fucking good," I managed to whisper before he made me moan again and I kissed his lips hard, biting gently at his lower lip before I pulled away again.

Dan's headboard was beating against the wall behind his bed unevenly with every thrust of his hips. Dawn was starting to show outside, giving his bedroom enough light so that I could see his gorgeous face. There were beads of sweat gathered on his forehead and an intense look of desire in his eyes that I'd never seen before in anyone's.

"I'm cumming," he moaned quietly. How he was managing to remain so quiet was beyond me. He kept his eyes glued to mine as he pounded out his orgasm, his hips steadily moving faster, and faster until they bucked one last time; he pushed himself deep inside of me and leaned his head back, his teeth biting down on his bottom lip.

His chest was heaving and his breath was heavy as he collapsed on top of me, his face buried in the crook of my neck between my shoulder.

I was sure he could hear and feel my heart pounding like mad in my chest. Hearing him, the sight of him and feeling him when he came had sent me over the edge right along with him which was something I'd never experienced with anyone before. It felt like my entire body was just buzzing as I lay there beneath him trying to calm myself down while listening to his heavy breathing.

"Serious business," he breathed against my neck in his _srs bsnss,_ voice.

"OH MY GLOB!" Was... was that Phil? _Moaning? _  
"OH WORK THAT CACTUS!" I heard Leila squeal, followed by a really weird banging noise against the wall.  
Oh, seriously? Why did I have to decide to become the horniest girl in all of London on a night when Leila and Phil were a room away?  
"I HATE BOTH OF YOU!" I yelled before covering my face with my hands and laughing. "Oh God. We are never going to hear the end of this."  
Dan's laughter was muffled against my neck, "What the fuck?"  
"OH, YOU'RE BRINGING OUT THE BIG GUNS ARE YA? PLUNGE MY ASS, OH THAT'S RIGHT!" Leila screamed. "OH YEAH, OH YEAH!"  
"LEILA FAUST, I AM GOING TO COME IN THERE AND RUB MY VAGINA ALL OVER YOUR FACE IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP!" I yelled back and immediately laughed at myself. "I am so disgusting sometimes."  
"OH MY! I NEVER KNEW PIKACHU HAD THOSE KINDS OF SKILLS!" Leila couldn't get all of that one out without laughing.  
"Oh God!" I heard Phil laugh with her.  
"You two are SO, going to get it," Dan yelled at them as he raised himself onto his palms and pushed himself off of me to go dispose of his condom.

I rolled onto my side and watched as he walked towards the garbage bin by his desk. "You should just walk around like that more often. It's quite a nice sight," I told him while oogling his body with absolutely no shame.

Turning around to face me, he put one hand on his hip and the other one on the back of his head, "You like that flaccid penis?" He asked, then slowly brought his hand from his hair and rubbed his nipple. "It's so sexual," he winked then made his way back towards the bed again, lying down and snuggling up against me.

I wrapped my arm around his back and my leg around his hip before nuzzling my face against his chest. "I have now decided that I love your penis in any form presented," I mumbled against his skin. "Fuck, you smell so good," I said before inhaling deeply.

"I smell like sex and Maltesers," he laughed and pressed a kiss against my cheek. "Which could be the same thing, if you ask me."  
"But my penis loves your vagina, a lot. He's grateful that she invited him in to play."  
I laughed as I leaned back to look at him. "I can't believe we just had sex," I whispered before making a super shocked face. "I think you almost killed me in the absolute best way possible. Damn. I feel like there needs to be a tumblr made which is devoted to Dan's penis powers."  
"There's probably already one out there," he chuckled. "I reckon it's called something like, Dans-penis-starts-fires. Or, Dans-majestic-penis, or Dans-penis-powers. Remind me to try those URLs later today."  
"I will be sure to remind you. Maybe I'll make one for my vagina called Whisker's-Majestic-Pussy or something like that. I'll be a little concerned if that url is already taken though."

Dan snorted, "Since people ship Can so hard, there might be one.. Oh! You could make it pussy-whiskers," he didn't even finish what he was saying before he started laughing. "Oh my mind. I am so disturbed. The internet has ruined me."

I started laughing really hard. "Oh shit, dude. I should just change my tumblr url to that. That's brilliant." I thought for a second and then started laughing again. "Or I can change it to I-have-had-danisnotonfire-inserted-into-me-and-you-havent-HA-HA-. What do you think of that one?"

"Oh. My. God." Dan rolled onto his stomach and buried his face against a pillow as he laughed, really, really loudly. "You really are just as screwed up as I am," he said once he finally lifted his head up again. "I don't even know what to do with you. Seriously.. What the fuck?"

I looked up at him and grinned. "Well, you could just kidnap me and keep me forever and ever to use as your entertainment? I can cook and everything." I winked at him and laughed. "Yeah, I am as screwed up as you are. Sometimes I think I might be a bit worse but most of the time I think we're pretty even."

"That sounds so, so tempting," he admitted as he rolled over onto his side and cuddled up to me again. "I wonder if Leila would notice that her peasant has left her for me?" Dan asked, resting his head on my chest and finding my hand to lace his fingers through mine.

I brought our hands up to my lips and kissed his knuckles before letting them rest on the mattress again. "Nah. She's got a peasant with a penis now and she also has her mountain dew so I'm sure she won't mind if you steal me."

"Ack!" Dan made a face like he had just eaten something really sour. "Why must I hear about Phil's genitals?!" He flailed his body for a few seconds then chuckled. "I guess I should be thanking them though, as twisted as that sounds. If he didn't have them, I wouldn't get the opportunity to Cat-nap you."

"Yes, you should make it a point to thank Phil for having a penis today. If anything it'll be awesome just to see the look of complete confusion and possible terror on his face," I laughed.

**3 Days later: **

"So, the lasagna is in the oven but I don't know if it's going to be total shit or not because I can't figure out their measurements. I am a dumbass," I said as I made my way from Dan and Phil's kitchen and into the living room. Leila was sitting on the couch typing away on her phone.

"Are you actually typing anything or playing a game and looking like you're up to serious business?" I asked as I picked my laptop up from the table and hopped onto the couch next to her.

"Serious business," Leila laughed. "I'm emailing Oliver a new idea I got for the screenplay. You know, boring shit," I knew she didn't think that it was boring. She didn't even look up at me as she continued typing to fast that she might have been rubbing holes in the screen of her phone.

"That's not boring shit," I replied, nudging her thigh with my knee. "I haven't checked my tumblr in like 99 years." While I was typing my log in into the site I started laughing. "I just realized that that pretty much means the only reason I was ever on that site was because of Dan and Phil. I'm not sure if I should judge myself right now or-"

I stopped speaking when the site loaded and I saw that little red box right above the envelope. I looked up at the title of my blog to make sure there hadn't been some crazy mishap and I'd been signed onto another blog but no, it was my name.

"What the fuck?" I squealed, just staring at it in shock. "Leila! I have like over 7,000 followers and 696 messages. What the actual fuck is happening?" I laughed, shaking my head. I knew exactly what happened.

Sneaky little Phans.

Leila's attention was torn away from her phone and she leaned in against me and peered at the screen. "How did they even find your Tumblr account?!" She asked. "I mean, I know you have pictures and stuff on there, but it's not like your url is hi-im-the-bitch-who-was-in-dans-live-show - OH shit! Do you think they've discovered mine too?"

"Yeah, most likely," I laughed. "Especially after that book signing the other day."

Holy tits. That was insane. Leila did a book signing at this awesome bookshop in London and we figured there'd be a decent turn out but the amount of people that showed up was complete madness. It was the coolest thing I had ever seen. I felt like a proud Mama bear. Of course there were a few Phans there and thankfully it was a very pleasant experience.

"I mean, I don't know about you but I haven't even logged on to this thing since the day we got on the plane. All they had to do was go way, way the fuck back into Dan and Phil's tags and see if they saw names similar to ours. My url is Meow-Im-Cat for fucksakes."

Oh yeah. I've got some serious imagination.

"I checked it that first night we got here, when I was bragging about how I was in London with you," Leila said after thinking for a few seconds. "Which is a dead give away now that I think about it," she laughed as she bent over the arm of the couch, picking up her laptop bag. She pretty much carried it around everywhere with her.

Being a writer came with that kind of baggage.

You see what I did there? After fighting with the straps she had it opened on her lap, but her attention was back on her phone and she finished up the email she was writing to the movie director. If you didn't know her and you saw her right now, you would think she was some kind of a madwoman.

"Done!" She threw her phone to the side and my arm became a casualty as it slapped against it. "Sorry," Lele laughed as she started typing again, this time on the keyboard of her laptop as she went to Tumblr.

"Oh yeah, they found me," Leila said, not even sounding scared. I think with the book signing and getting her first dose of public attention she'd calmed down quite a bit with her fears of being dissected.

"Whoa, calm down, Lele," I held my hands out towards her. "CALM DOWN!" I yelled obviously joking over the fact that she seemed to not be affected at all by it. I started laughing at myself and leaned over to look at her tumblr. "No fair! You have more followers than me. I AM PISSED!" I was joking of course.

"Lets see what people are asking," I said as I brought my attention back to my own laptop.

"Are you Whiskers? Is this Whiskers? Are you dating Dan? O.M.G If you are dating Dan I am going to cry! I love your hair! Did Dan give you his shirt? Does Dan smell nice? Is Leila your sister?" I stopped reading and looked over at Le. "Dude. I don't know how the guys do this. I feel as though I NEED to reply to all of these people but my fingers might fall off," I laughed. "Are you and Leila going to do any vids with Phil? I ship it!" That one made me laugh.

"I like it when people ship us with our dudes," I said while sighing happily.

From the way Leila was laughing, I could tell that she liked it too, "Does Phil swear? Have you tickled Phil's feet? Your book is shit! I love your book! Are you dating Amazing Phil? Do you and Whiskers live together? Is this Leila Faust? I ship you and Phil! PHILIELA! How do you feel about being called Pholdemort? Are Dan and Phil going to be in your movie? What's your favorite book series? How did you meet Phil?" She finally stopped, as I'm guessing she had ran out of breath from saying all of that so quickly. "Dude, I want to answer them! I always wanted people to answer my questions. I can't be a tit and not reply..." She said looking guilty.

"I know. I feel like an asshole if we don't and they're gonna fucking hate us if we don't," I said as I continued scrolling down the messages. "Oh shit!" I jumped and slapped the couch because I had an idea.

I get overly excited sometimes. Don't judge me.

"We could just make a video answering a fuck load of questions and tell them that it's specifically for our tumblr followers. I mean, that's better than nothing, right?"

"That's actually a great idea," Leila began as she shifted around on the couch. "I'm sure a lot of these are repeats, and a shit load of mine are from anons, so it's not like we can reply to them without everyone seeing."

"Exactly," I said as I sat my laptop down on the table. "Do you think Dan would shoot me in the face for using his camera without asking?"

"No," she laughed then grabbed her laptop bag again. "I think we should use our own SD cards though.. I would hate to screw up anything they have done for one of their videos. I feel like that would be like someone taking a piss on one of my notebooks or something," she laughed then pulled out a small plastic case that had what I knew to be an SD card inside of it.

"Where are we doing this?"

"Right there," I pointed to where the boys film the Super Amazing Project videos. "It'll be hilarious to see the comments from people just going THIS IS IN DAN AND PHIL'S APARTMENT."

I stood up and walked to Dan's room before getting his camera and his tripod and very very carefully making my way back to the living room with it. "I'm pretty sure I have an SD card in my purse that's big enough for a lot of minutes of HD video so we can use that one. I hope one of them wants to help us edit this shit though because I sure as fuck have no idea of how to do that shit."

"Oh God, do you remember when I tried to make a fanvideo for Harry Potter? Biggest fail of my life. If I tried editing more than three minutes of stuff together I would have a breakdown," she laughed. "I don't think they'd care to help. It's not like we'll need anything fancy added to it," Liela grabbed her computer and sat down on the floor in front of the T.V.

"I want to have music and explosions and shit!" I laughed as I sifted through my bag to find my extra SD card. I finally found it and after putting it into the camera and running to make sure I didn't look like a bag of hammered assholes, I grabbed my laptop and sat it down on the floor before turning the camera on and sitting down on the floor next to Leila.

"How the fuck do we even started this thing?" I asked, looking over at her and laughing.

"Hi internet! It's Dan." I waved at the camera and then pretended to fix my hair. "Excuse me while I adjust my majestic locks."

Leila got this really big smile on her face, "Hi guys!" she waved at the camera then made claws with her hands. "Meow," she imitated Phil. "Yeah, it's definitely cuter when he does it," she leaned in towards it and starting messing with her hair, "'Scuse me, I'm just sortin' me fringe." Okay now she was just making fun of him.

"That was actually a very good Phil impression. I give it a solid 8 out of 10. I think he'll be proud," I nodded and gave her a thumbs up before looking at the camera again. "Okay! So, I'm sure if you're watching this then you know that I am Whiskers and this is Leila. This video will probably just be really fucking stupid because we're awkward as fuck. Yaaaay!" I clapped my hands. "Anyway, we wanted to make this because we just checked our tumblrs and holy shit. Y'all have been busy and while we'd love to answer like 9 million questions I don't think our fingers will allow it. So we're gonna answer a bunch of random ones in this lovely video."

"Oh! Maybe we should ask each other the questions, like they do?" Leila suggested, reaching for my computer.

"You just want to find my porn!" I yelled, clutching my computer and holding it away from her. "Just kidding. You know where it is anyway," I said as I handed her my laptop while reaching for hers.

"What are you even talking about? I am your porn, Catherine," Leila laughed then looked at the camera then at me, "Probably shouldn't have said that should I?" she scrunched her nose then shrugged before sitting my computer down in front of her.

I got all wide eyed and turned to look at the camera before looking down at the laptop. "Bad Leleeee," I said in a quiet voice, looking down at the screen. "Oh fuck. You got weird questions," I laughed as I scanned over them.

"Someone asked if you were the second half of a siamese twin and if so, where is your other half?"

Leila started laughing, "What the hell? Did you send me that question, Cat? Because that sounds like something you would say," she shook her head and then looked around the room, the walls would give her a good answer. "Yeah I am, the other half is an unborn fetus attached to the side of my mother's face."

I started laughing and shaking my head. "I did not ask that and our answer was just fucking- I don't even know what that was. I'm not sure of how to feel about that. There is no gif for what I am feeling!" I held my hands up towards the ceiling and shook them.

"Mom's going to be real happy if she sees this," Leila chuckled then looked at her screen, "Oh, Leila, you can't just go around talking about Leanne like that!" she said in a very high pitched voice for so reason whatsoever, "Oh, here is a good one! Cat, what is something that Dan doesn't know about you?" She asked, then looked up at the camera. "That she used to be a man," she made a sad, serious face, nodding.

I facepalmed myself and laughed. "Oh holy shit, Le. Now people are gonna start saying that." I raised my right hand and flipped her off. "Ummm. Something Dan doesn't know about me. Hmmm," I looked up as I thought. "OH! He has no idea that I sprayed some of his cologne on my arm this morning," I laughed and hid my face realizing immediately that I sounded nuts. "I couldn't help it though! That shit smells SO. GOOD."

Leila looked at me with a blank expression, "I knew I smelled him." She shook her head and looked back at the camera and mouthed "Crazy fangirl," then moved out of the way before I could swat my hand at the side of her head. "Kidding! You're perfectly sane. Sometimes."

I hissed at her and gave her an evil look with my eyes before blowing her a kiss and looking down at the laptop. "Okay, your turn again, fartface. Someone wants to know if Phil ever swears in front of you." I looked up at the camera and nodded slowly. "I heard him screaming for Leila to shove a cactus further up his ass the other night."

Leila's mouth fell open and she bursted out laughing; doubled over, it took a few minutes before she could gather herself enough to sit back up, "I'm not going to dignify that comment by saying anything back to it," she shook her head. "No, well yeah, but it's rare. I swear more than he does," she nodded then started clicking the mouse, looking for another question. "Cat, do you have your own Youtube channel?"

"Yeah, I do. But I have never uploaded any videos to it until this one, obviously. So I guess this question has already been answered. Magical!" I looked over at Leila and leaned over before licking her cheek out of nowhere. "The snozberries taste like snozberries!" I cleared my throat and looked back down at the laptop like I hadn't just done that. "Leila, is Phil going to be in your movie?"

"They're going to think we're in lesbians if we keep kissing and licking each other, Cat," she chuckled, and wiped her cheek against her shoulder. "Uh.. he could be? They haven't cast the part of Oscar Wilde yet. Do you think Phil would make a good Oscar?" Leila looked over at me, "I don't, but maybe that's because I don't really like the idea of him being filmed in the throws with another man.. Although, that seems to be the unpopular opinion," she shrugged.

I started laughing really hard because for one thing Leila said 'in the throws' and for another thing I imagined how awkward Phil would be while trying to film something like that. "No," I shook my head. "Phil would probably die of awkward overloads if he had to get in a bed wearing one of those cock sock things and hump a dude. I like to keep my innocent visuals of Phil in my head and I managed to completely demolish them all with that statement."

"I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to make eye contact with him now. Thanks for that," Leila said seriously, but I knew she was kidding. "Oh my God!" she put her hand over her mouth and started laughing, "Has Dan ever ate your placenta?" Lele said through giggles, "Yeah Cat, did you birth a litter of Dan's kittens and fry the baby sac up after without anyone knowing you were pregnant to begin with?"

I know I looked completely disgusted because I was. I stared at Leila for a second before looking at the camera. "What the hell is wrong with you, person who asked that?" I laughed. "Of course he ate my placenta. Duh. Gah," I sighed and rolled my eyes. I looked down at the laptop and found a question for her. "Is Phileila really a ship or are you, Phil, Dan and Cat one big ship like those people on that show Sister Wives. I'd be into it." I looked over at Leila and laughed, wondering what sort of answer she'd come up with for that one.

"Yeah, we're Catphilia," she nodded. "We have really weird sleepovers where we all draw whiskers on our faces and proceed to lie around and form a human centipede... I don't think I need to go into detail about that. I'm just going to say, having your head in Dan's ass is NOT something you want to happen. Seriously, with his Maltesers diet, just, no," She shook her head and grimaced.

"I found one I wanted to ask you already. Cat, how did you meet Dan?" Leila asked and looked at me with a smile.

"I want some Maltesers now." I informed her before answering the question. "God. People are gonna love this one," I laughed. "Um. It was our first night here and Le and I were walking home and singing A Whole New World-" I paused and looked over at her. "This sounds so fake," I laughed. "Anyway," I looked up at the camera again. "Dan and Phil were walking ahead of us and had seen us in the store we had just been in so like they thought we were stalker fans. Dan turned around and we exchanged colorful words," I laughed. "I called him a waffly twat. It was a beautiful moment. But anyway by the end of the night we were totally fine and the rest is history. But take it from me, never follow them home," I laughed. "OH! And we weren't following them home. We all happen to live in the same building so it was a big misunderstanding. Yeah." I nodded. "Phil and Leila got married that night."

"It was accidental stalking," Leila nodded, laughing, then looked sideways at me. "Yes, we were wed in lion costumes and Dan was our priest. It was a beautiful union, and he didn't even make me sign a pre-nup! So guess what? When he leaves me, I get to keep half of his shit! I am stoked about having a new collection of toys."

"I can hear the unfollow clicks now," I responded in a dreamy sounding tone. "This bitch is taking advantage of our Phil!" I yelled in a witch sounding voice. "Sorry. Outburst," I said as I looked back down at the screen. I started to laugh before I was even able to start to ask the question. "Leila, has Phil ever filled your forehead birthing area?"

"Uh.." Leila tilted her head, "Do you mean like.. feel?" she rubbed her hands together, "Or like, fill," she shifted her eyes.

I laughed. "I think it was a play on words so like they mean has he filled you with his magic wand."

Leila sighed, "I know, I was trying my best to play stupid slash be slightly sarcastic, but since you've just put it out on the table like that.." she looked at the camera, "He fills my coffee mug up for me all the time?" she shrugged and looked over at me. "Next question!"

"Cat, I saw on your Tumblr that you're a photographer, are you looking for work in London, or are you there on holiday?"

"That's cool that you lurked me enough to find that. Thanks person!" I laughed. "Neither. I'm here because Leila didn't want to come alone while she's doing movie stuff. I say that I'm her peasant. But of course I'm always willing to work if someone fancies me," I wiggled my eyebrows. "Ooo. I'm so British," I said while flipping my hair over my shoulder. I cleared my throat before reading Leila's next question. "Leila, what made you to decide to write a book about Oscar Wilde?" I looked over at her. "I actually read a serious one!"

"Wow!" Leila genuinely looked shocked. "I'm actually kind of saddened by this.. I like giving smartass answers," she frowned then laughed, "No, seriously, I get asked that question a lot... He just had a really insane life, especially for the time he was living in. A lot of people don't know this about him, because they aren't completely.. whatever I am, that possessed me to read his biography, but he was homosexual. Or bisexual, whatever, he had a wife and kids but he also had flings with men.. young men. I mean could you imagine that? Being in that situation back then, when it's still so taboo now?" she shook her head. "I could probably talk about this all day, but I'll end my answer by saying this, I thought his life and situation would be an interesting thing to write about.. so I wrote about it, and it ended up working out for me," she smiled and looked at me.

"Sorry, you know how I get when someone gets me going.." she laughed then looked back down at the laptop. "I'm sure you saw all of the horrible things people were saying about you on Tumblr. How did it make you feel? Were you mad? Upset? Amused? P.S I don't know if you and Dan are together, but I hope you are. I think it would finally make the hardcore Phan-shippers shut their f-ing mouths."

"I think it's cool that someone asked that. I'm sure some Phans were genuinely interested. They have to approve of us for their boys." I laughed. "Oh shit. I'm not good at getting approval. Well, except for from some of y'all, obviously. I'm gonna start rambling and answer the question," I laughed. "I was really shocked more than anything when I found out about the stuff on tumblr. I mean, it sucks. It does not feel good to have people think you're satan's spawn because of who you're friends with. But I know y'all are protective and some of you are hanging on to that dream of meeting them and running off majestically into the sunset," I laughed. "And actually, no Dan and I are not like a facebook official couple or anything." I rolled my eyes at myself. "Facebook official. I can't believe I just said that."

As I was finishing my sentence I could hear what sounded like someone about to open the door and I leaned to the side just as Phil and Dan walked through the door. "Hey boys!" I called out, waving at them.

Phil tilted his head as he looked at us and removed his jacket. "What are you two doing?"

"Making a video," I grinned.

Leila smiled at Phil just as Dan moved to stand beside him.

"Making a video of what, exactly?" Dan asked as he stepped out of his shoes.

I couldn't keep myself from smiling one of those massive cheesy smiles that only he seemed to make me smile. I was shocked my face wasn't sore by the time I was done hanging out with him everyday. "We signed onto our tumblrs today and had like a fuck load of messages from people so we decided to copy you guys and make a video of us answering questions."

"That's awesome!" Phil said as he walked over to where we were sitting he sat down on the other side of Leila and waved at the camera.

"Oh my God!" I started fanning my face and pretending I was hyperventilating. "It's Phil! My feels. Oh God. My feels." I fell over sideways and out of the view of the camera onto the floor.

Phil started laughing and shook his head. "I have no response for that."

"See, Phans? When you go around screaming and fanning yourself, it makes you look like an idiot!" Leila said, getting in my face.

"Big mistake." I reached up and wrapped my arms around Le's shoulders and wrapped my legs around her waist before squeezing her. "MINE!" I yelled before laughing an evil villain sort of laugh.

"Oh my God. She's like a venus fly trap," Phil laughed, watching us.

"Her vagina is a penis fly trap," Leila laughed and rolled over so that she was on top of me, but quickly climbed away. "Isn't that right, Dan?" Leila looked up at him. She was still giving him shit for having overheard our sexcapade a few days earlier.

"I would never compare her vagina to one of those ugly creepy things," Dan replied as he lowered himself to the floor next to me.

Wow, we were all gathered around the camera like a family around a Christmas tree on Christmas morning.

I looked up at the camera and sighed. "I love how everyone is just discussing my vagina right now."

"I'm not discussing your vagina!" Phil said as he leaned forward to look over at me. "I'm a good boy."

"Lies!" I pointed at him and lied. "Filthy Phil. I know your secrets." I shook my finger at him and he gave me that super pitiful, confused innocent look he was so good at.

"That's just not fair. Why are these two like the kings of pouty face power?" I asked Leila.

"I've been trying to figure that myself," Leila sighed, looking from me to Phil. "You're just too precious," she shook her head and patted his cheek.

"Is that lasagna done cooking yet?" Dan asked, pretty much ignoring our conversation as he stared at the camera.

"Awww, thank you," Phil grinned at her before leaning over and kissing her forehead.

"Phil just kissed Le's forehead birthing area." I looked up at the camera like Dan was. "I don't know, Daniel. I haven't seen the camera in the kitchen at all today so I don't know that there's any lasagna."

Dan tilted his head back and looked up at me, making that damn adorable pouty face. "You said you were cooking it when we left!" He had also decided to pretend weep on my lap. "I'm just so hungry! I might go overdose on Maltesers before it can finish baking!"

I started petting his head as I looked up at the camera. "See what we put up with?" I asked but winked right after.

"Really, though. We're quite hungry," Phil pouted while rubbing his stomach.

"Okay well, how about you two end the video and me and Le will go get everything ready for us to eat?" I asked, looking from Phil to Dan.

"You act like we know how to make videos or something," Phil joked and I laughed.

"Silly, Philertons," I said as I playfully pushed Dan off of my lap. I stood up and held my hand out for Leila. "My lady?"

"Whiskers," Leila replied as she took my hand and pulled herself up, "You don't mind editing that for us do you?" She asked, looking over her shoulder at Phil before following me into the kitchen, going straight to the cabinet to get the plates for the four of us.

"It depends on what I get for it," Phil responded and then immediately covered his mouth with his hand. "That sounded horrible," he laughed. "So, yeah. Thanks for watching this video of Leila and Cat. I hope that they didn't tell anything too embarrassing about us," Phil laughed and looked over at Dan.

"I can't be bothered to say anything, this isn't for my channel," Dan rolled his eyes then started laughing. "Just kidding. I hope you liked Whisker's and Pholdemort's video!" he winked then turned the camera off.

I was putting the last plate of food onto the table when I heard Dan call Leila Pholdemort and I turned to look at her to get her reaction.

"Nice job, Dan," Phil said as he stood up from the floor. "Now there will be Pholdemorts all over tumblr because you egged them on."

"And pussy Whiskers," I added.

Leila looked between the three of us then suddenly started laughing. "I seriously can't even be offended by that name anymore. Clever bastards," she sighed and shook her head. "Since I get to be an evil wizard, I pick Dan to be my target victim though. You will lose everything, Danny Hotter," she said in what was supposed to be an evil sounding voice. However she just sounded like an old British lady.

"Oh mylanta," I started laughing. "That was beautiful." I sat down at the table and curled my legs under myself because I have good manners like that.

har har.

Phil walked over to the table and pulled out a chair for Leila.

"Awwwww!" I said, cupping my own face with my hands. "That's so sweet!"

Leila sat down and said, "Thanks," to Phil, while it sounded like it was taking everything Dan had just to get his lazy ass up off of the floor.

"Ughhh," he whined then finally made his way to the table. He sat down beside me and across from Phil and his eyes got huge as he looked down at his plate. "Oh wow, this is going to be worth all of the effort it took to come in here!"

I raised an eyebrow as I looked over at him. "You better be glad I'm not some bitch that expects you to be all romantical balls all the time cause Phil is one upping you over there."

"I win," Phil said with his mouth full of lasagna which made me laugh.

Dan rolled his eyes, "It's because they haven't fucked yet. Just wait, all that'll change," he said, using his fork to point at Leila then make big circles in the air with it.

I looked at him like he was retarded. "That doesn't make any sense," I laughed. "If you've been inside of someone that should make you be a bit nicer or something, right? What a fucking odd conversation to have over lasagna," I laughed.

"I would do stuff like that whether or not we'd had sex," Phil shrugged. "It's not that big of a deal."

"You say that now, but once you do, you'll stop trying so hard," Dan said as he chewed.

"Yay for having an open discussion about our sex lives!" Leila said cheerfully then poked at her plate. "And Dan, you might not want to talk like that. I'm pretty sure you're digging yourself a hole over there."

"Oh she knows I'm just kidding, because when am I ever serious?"

I honestly was at a loss. I didn't know how I was feeling about what was being said but I knew it wasn't exactly a good feeling. See, I've always said that I'm missing some sort of part of the brain that normal girls have that makes them get like super jealous, psycho or pissed off easily. But for some odd reason, the way he was acting struck me as weird and didn't feel normal. I did not like it at all because I wasn't used to feeling anything at all like that towards him. Dan joked a lot. That's just who Dan is but it didn't completely feel like he was joking for some reason.

I glanced over at Leila like I could somehow zap my thoughts into her head and maybe she could sort it out for me but that was pointless.

"Do y'all like the food?" I forced myself to finally speak and it sounded un-Cat-like even to me.

"It's really, really good," Phil nodded before taking a sip of his drink. I could tell by his expression that he was sensing a bit of tension as well.

Part of me wanted to get up and walk out and I was seriously debating on doing that. I had only eaten a bite of my food and the thought of eating anymore just made me want to gag.

"It's delicious," Leila smiled, "I'd give it 10 out of 10 cans of Mountain Dew. Actually, I think it may even be better than Mountain Dew!" It was obvious that she had picked up on my mood. Honestly, I wasn't surprised that she had at all. Leila knew me better than anyone else, and it was clear that she was trying to cheer me without without straight up saying, _Dan is a dick, ignore him, _or something, like she would if we were alone.

"I've had better," Dan shrugged lazily as he took another bite, not even looking at me to at least wink, or smile, or show some sort of fucking hint that he was just kidding, and not trying to be an asshole.

Phil's eyes got huge and he leaned forward to look at him like he'd lost his mind. I looked at Leila again and clicked my tongue before clearing my throat and rather noisily pushing my chair back from the table.

Without speaking a word I walked out of the dining area and to the living room before picking up my laptop and cell phone off of the floor.

"Dan, what the hell is your problem?" I heard Phil whisper in a harsh tone as I was slipping my shoes on.

Fuck. Why couldn't I just teleport my apartment?

I walked to the door and opened it without looking behind me before I walked out and slammed it. I literally ran to my door just in case anyone followed behind me. I quickly unlocked the door and went inside. I almost threw my laptop but then I remembered how much I loved it so I sat it and my phone down on the counter before kicking my shoes off like a pissed off 6 year old.

What the actual fuck crawled up his ass?


	10. Oh My Glob

**Leila's POV: **

It had been five days since Cat and Dan had their.. what the fuck was that even? I don't know. All I know is that they hadn't spoken a word to each other since. Nor had they seen each other. Not even in passing. Probably because Cat refused to leave the apartment, which is why I was venturing out on my own today to go to work.

Phil and I had more or less been _forced _to hang out in public, since it was pretty uncomfortable for either of us to go to the other's flat.

He didn't know what to say to Catherine about Dan's behavior, and really wanted to stay out of the middle of it. Whereas I was just waiting to corner Dan and ask him what his problem was. Yeah, I realize that it's none of my business, and if it were anyone else, I would keep my nose out of it. But hello, Cat is my best friend, and when someone dicks her feelings around, I take it personal.

I was pulling the strap of my bag over my shoulder as Catherine was filling my coffee mug up. Nope, I still hadn't figured out how to operate the coffee pot.

"Are you _sure _you don't want to go with me?" I asked her. "It might do you some good to get out."

She turned towards me with a look on her face that said she was either going to slap me or pour the cup of coffee in her hand down the front of my shirt. "If I walk out that door and run into him it's just gonna piss me off," she said as she handed me the cup. "I know I'm being a total titbag but I just need another day or so to like brainwash myself and fully not give a fuck." She turned around to pour herself a cup of coffee and sighed loudly. "Dude, I still don't even know what the fuck is going on?" she laughed. "And I am not gonna swallow my pride and go to him about it but I do know that he basically acted like he got into the majestic vagina and his mission was complete."

"You shouldn't! You weren't the one being a complete asshole. He's the one who needs to come talk to you." We had dissected what had happened several times and we both came to the same conclusion every time: What, the fuck?

Seriously, it made no sense whatsoever. After Cat had left their flat that night, Dan promptly went into his bedroom and slammed the door shut without saying a word. Like _he _had a reason to be mad at her.

"I just figured I would offer," I shrugged and took my coffee. I hated seeing her upset like this, because Cat _never _got upset.

"I'll be okay," she tapped my nose with her finger as she walked by me. "Thanks for offering. I just feel like if I interact with the public today that I might turn into She Hulk and rage the fuck out." She sat down on the couch and reached for her laptop but then stopped. "Fuck my ass! I can't even get on the internet cause he's everywhere." She fell over sideways and smashed her face against one of the pillows before screaming and then sitting up quickly and pushing her hair out of her face. "Have a good day!" she waved at me, grinning a very forced grin.

I was torn between staying for a little longer just to make sure that she wasn't going to have a breakdown, and running the fuck out of the door before she could kill me. I went with a happy medium and slowly backed away, "See ya later.." I said then slid out of the door and into the hallway.

Just as I turned around I saw Dan leaving his apartment, looking at me like he was contemplating going back inside of it.

Perfect timing is perfect.

"Hey, look, it's the world's biggest asshole," I smiled sarcastically as I marched towards him.

"I think you've got me confused with someone else. Hitler, maybe?" he replied with a laugh.

Really, Dan? You're making jokes right now? I laughed, because it was funny, but a glare soon followed.

"Fine, you're the world's second biggest asshole," I laughed dryly.

"I think you've got me confused with someone else again," Dan said as we both headed towards the elevator. "Maybe-"

"What, in the actual, FUCK, is your problem?!" I blurted out, jabbing my finger at the down arrow with more force than necessary.

"I didn't sleep very well last night?" he shrugged. "I've also got this weird cramp right here," he clutched his side as he spoke, still acting completely oblivious to what I was talking about.

I just just stared at him and shook my head before rolling my eyes, "Wow. Maybe Cat should be glad that you two aren't on speaking terms," I began bitterly, "Instead of being so upset that she won't even leave our apartment."

The compartment doors opened and I stepped inside of it, and from the way he hesitated, I assumed that he was just going to wait until it came back up, but surprisingly, he joined me.

I pressed the button for us to go down to the lobby and crossed my arms over my chest. I didn't want to be near him because it was pissing me off more and more. "You know, if you just wanted to fuck her you could have said so. Why get her hopes up that you actually cared?" I asked without looking at him. "Because the way you were acting the other night made you come across as some waffly twat who had gotten a piece of ass and couldn't be bothered to be near the owner of said ass anymore."

Dan sighed quietly and from the corner of my eye I could see that he was looking at the ground, "It's not even like that," he finally said.

"Oh? Because it seems just like that," the lift chimed and the doors opened to the lobby.

"I-"

"Sorry, but I can't be _bothered _to continue this conversation," I cut him off and stomped out of the compartment and through the lobby.

That felt _so _good.

I wasn't too surprised that he followed behind me, but I was surprised when he started talking to me again.

"Could you just listen to me for a second?" He asked as he followed me out of the building.

"I'm not the person you should be talking to right now, so, I'm going to say no, I can't."

"Please?" he snatched me by the sleeve of my jacket and I turned around to see that he was almost pouting, and it wasn't his fake pouting either.

"Sorry, but that face doesn't work on me," I lied, desperately trying to stick to my guns as I yanked my arm away from him and turned to walk down the steps and onto the sidewalk.

"I've got feelings for her!"

I came to such an abrupt stop that I nearly tripped over my own feet and toppled over. "What?!" I slowly looked over my shoulder at him.

"Can you listen to me now?" he asked as he stepped towards me.

I wasn't sure what to say - and the only thing I could think of was what Catherine would say when I told her about this later.

And by later, I mean as soon as he was out of earshot and I could call her.

I sighed, "Fine, but you're going to have to walk and talk because I have a meeting in twenty minutes," I informed him before continuing down the steps.

Dan hurried down them and walked alongside me in silence.

"Well?" I glanced at him after I took a sip of coffee.

"I don't know what to do.. I'm"

"Being an ass?"

"I don't mean to be, I'm just acting-"

"Like a fifteen year old?"

He sighed, "You're not helping right now."

My eyes got wide as I looked at him and I opened my mouth to speak but I was stopped before I could start.

"I am have been overcome by all of these feelings!" He said sounding very dramatic, but he didn't appear to be joking at all.

"So you really _are _acting like a fifteen year old then?" I laughed, "A fifteen year old on Tumblr, even."

"Leila, I'm being completely serious right now," he whined. "I don't know what to do with myself and I can't exactly just talk to anyone about this."

I blew out a long breath, "Why not?" I asked. "I'm sure Phil wouldn't mind talking to you," I suggested. Maybe Phil could talk some sense into him.

"He probably wouldn't, but he doesn't know Catherine like you do. You two talk.. and stuff."

"True, but you two _used _to talk, you know, before you started acting like a tit," I pointed out.

"Are you just going to keep calling me an ass and a tit, or are you actually going to have a conversation with me about this?"

Right. I should probably cut that out so we don't keep running circles around the point of this chat.

"Sorry," I glanced over at him and took another drink of coffee. "I'm guessing there's something you want to know then?"

He nodded. "How does she feel about me?" he asked and almost sounded desperate, which caused one of my eyes to open up much larger than the other and my brows to furrow together.

"Right now? Probably like punching you in the face. But if you mean in general, how does she feel about you? She adores you, Dan. If you can't tell that then you're an -" I stopped myself from calling him another name. "Look, if you have feelings for her and you want a chance at salvaging anything you two could possibly have together, you need to talk to her," I said seriously. "Soon," I added.

"What do I even say?"

I took another sip of my coffee as I thought about that. "I know Cat probably better than she knows herself. When you acted that way the other night, you basically opened a door for her to run out of. She's scared of getting hurt because like you she's overwhelmed with feels. But I think for her it's a bit different because she had that crush on you before you two met. Anyway, I think your best bet is going to be to explain yourself and be completely honest because if I know her, and I do, she's just as terrified of what she feels for you as you are of what you feel for her." I paused for a second and reached over to put my hand on his shoulder. "Basically you just need to put on your big boy boots and stop being a pussy because you two are so perfect for each other it's disgusting."

Dan's dimples were clearly visible by the end of my long spiel and I could tell that he felt better about the situation already. "We are pretty perfect for each other, aren't we?" he laughed and put an arm around my shoulder, giving me a hug. "Thanks for talking to me."

"Yeah, you are. Like I said, it's kind of disgusting," I laughed, "And you're welcome. I'm glad we had this chat, or else I'd have to give you the stink eye every time I bumped into you."

"God, I was so right when I said that to Phil," he mused with a chuckle.

"What?" I asked, having no idea what he was talking about.

He shook his head, smiling, "Nothing.. Oh, this is me," he pointed at the Starbucks that was just up ahead. "I'll see you later?"

I nodded, "Hopefully." Please, God, let he and Catherine make up, I thought to myself as I bid Dan goodbye.

Once he had disappeared, I pulled my phone out of my jacket and immediately called Catherine. After nine rings it went to voicemail.

I knew she was sitting there on the couch just watching her phone ring, so I called her again.

Two rings later it went to voicemail.

"Fine, don't let me tell you about how much Dan loves you!" I said as I hung up.

I scrolled through my contacts and hit send when I got to Phil's number.

Ring, Ring,

"Hello beautiful," he answered which instantly made me smile like a giant doofus. "How are you this morning?"

"Wonderfulllll," I grinned. "Guess who I just ran into?" I knew he would have no idea, but being a girl, I asked anyways.

"Hmmm, the queen?" he laughed, which caused me to laugh too.

"Close. I ran into Dan as I was leaving," I replied.

"Oh God," he laughed nervously. "Is he still alive? I hope you didn't break any bones," he joked. "He's barely spoken a word to me since the other night. He's just been hiding in his room. I was shocked he left this morning."

I sniggered, "Yes, he's still alive! I didn't hurt him. I didn't even yell at him. We actually had a nice little chat," I said as I started climbing the steps that lead up to the building where Oliver's office was. "I think he'll be out of the mood he's been in lately," I mused.

"Well, that's good. I was going to try to get him to talk to me about it but I can tell when it is or isn't a good time to step in with him and it hasn't been a good time yet," he laughed. "He probably needed to talk to you instead of me anyway because you know Cat better than me or him. But anyway, I didn't call to talk about our children. I was wondering if you know what time you'll be coming home today."

"I called you babe," I laughed.

"Good morning Ms. Faust," the doorman greeted me.

"Morning," I smiled at him as I made my way inside of the large building and headed straight for the elevators.

"I should be home in a few hours. We're having the casting call today, so it shouldn't take too long. Why?"

"I wanted to take you to the cinema this afternoon if you're up for it? I remember you saying you wanted the new Paranormal Activity film the other night."

I was mid coffee-sip when I heard someone yell, "Hold the lift!", and continued to get choked on it once I realized who had said it.

"Are you alright?" Phil asked worriedly as I coughed in his ear.

"Shit, I'm sorry!" The guy who stopped the lift and who was the reason I was about to choke to death said as the doors closed. He leaned towards a bit to get a better look at me and his eyes went wide with shock. "Wait- are you Leila Faust?" he asked. "Bloody hell, I was hoping I'd get to meet you soon!"

"Leila, who is that?" Phil asked, obviously incredibly confused as to what the hell was happening.

"I'm Ben Barnes," he said extending his hand to me and flashed a motherfucking panty dropping smile at me while unknowingly answering the question I barely heard Phil ask in my ear.

"Uhhh, Phil, I'm going to have to call you back," I said as I pulled the phone away from my ear, hanging up without even saying bye. I reached out and shook his hand while staring up at him like I was in a trance.

"Your book is absolutely amazing. I've already read it twice," he informed me.

SPEAK, LEILA. SPEAK! Somewhere in my head I yelled at myself. Thankfully the elevator door opened and snapped me out of it.

"Seriously?" I asked, looking at him with a very shocked expression because I was shocked as hell. "That's- That's pretty flattering to hear. I'm a huge fan of yours."

More like your poster is hanging above my bed and I've watched all your movies so much I can quote most of them word for word.

"Really?" he asked, looking genuinely shocked by that as we stepped into the hallway. "Well, that's pretty flattering as well," he grinned. "I'm actually on my way to Oliver's office," he told me, pointing down the hallway.

"So am I," I smiled, and then, suddenly, what might have been happening clicked, "Are you - are you auditioning?" I asked, sounding completely dumbfounded. "For -"

"For the movie based on your book?" he asked. There was that damn smile again. Holy shit. He was even more gorgeous in person.

Calm down, whoremoans.

"Yeah, that," I laughed and he nodded.

"Oliver called me about it a couple of days ago and wanted me to come in to meet you."

Of course he did! "Well then," I laughed, "It's nice to meet you. It makes perfect sense that he'd have _you, _come in. You were amazing in Dorian Gray," I nodded. This wasn't me being a fangirl - okay maybe a little, but mindblowingly good looks aside, he was a great actor. And if I were fangirling, I seriously don't think I would be able to produce words. I would just stare at him with my mouth hanging open and eventually pass out because of severe oxygen deprivation.

"Thank you very much, Leila," he smiled down at me. "I really appreciate that."

"Ms. Faust, Mr. Barnes!" Oliver's assistant spoke up as we entered the area of the building his office was in. "Oliver said for you two to just go right in," she told us while motioning towards the door with her pen.

"Thank you," Ben nodded at her and I'm pretty sure I saw a blank expression go over her face like she'd just been dazzled by him.

He stepped ahead of me and opened the door to Oliver's office for me. "Ladies first?" he said as he motioned towards the inside of the office with his hand.

"Thank you," I smiled up at him and walked over the threshold and into the very large, extravagant office. Whew, is it hot in here or is it just me? I wondered to myself as I fanned the collar of my shirt away from my neck.

"Leila! Ben! I take it you two have already met?" Oliver greeted us from behind his desk, throwing his arms in front of him, being the very animated person that he was. "That's lovely, just lovely! Have a seat, have a seat," he said gesturing toward the two arm chairs that were sitting in front of him. "Ben, Ben," he smiled at him, "How have you been?" He asked him; something told me that Oliver may have been more excited about Ben being there than I was. And to be quite honest, that was saying _a lot. _

"I've been wonderful," Ben responded as he sat down. "I was so excited when you called me about this film. I was just telling Leila that I've read the book twice already."

"It's brilliant, isn't it?!" Oliver clapped his hands together. Whew, he was excited. So excited, in fact, that it was making me get excited. "Hard to believe she's just twenty-two! Not that you look any older my dear," Oliver reassured me as I took my seat in front of him.

"Twenty-two, huh?" Ben glanced over at me and raised his brow, surprised.

I just grinned as I looked between the two of them, "The two of you," I rolled my eyes and shook my head modestly, "But if we're being honest here, I honestly cannot think of anyone who would be more perfect for the role of Oscar. Ben is just-" I stopped myself from saying another word because I didn't trust what might come flying out of my mouth.

He grinned at me and waved his hand towards me. "Go on, what am I?" he teased.

"Amazing," I shrugged, laughing. There literally was no other word I could think of to sum him up. "You really are a wonderful actor, and you two together?" I pointed from Ben to Oliver, "I think both of you know now how much I loved Dorian Gray - if the movie turns out anything like _that_.. I will be more than satisfied."

"Thank you so much," he replied to me and seemed like he really, really meant it. You would have thought that no one had ever told the man he was a great actor before.

"Well, I'm not really seeing a point in looking any further for someone," Oliver said in his enthusiastic way. "We all agree that Ben is amazing and I think that all of us can make this film amazing as well. Even better than Dorian Gray."

I squealed because I was _that _excited and honestly didn't care if either of them thought that I was mildly insane. "Sorry! I'm just ecstatic right now! I know that you two will make this the best that it can be," I nodded. "Have you shown Ben the script yet?" I asked Oliver then immediately opened my bag up and started fishing for a copy of it. I have no idea how any of this stuff works; for all I knew, he could have already had his lines memorized.

"No, not yet. Oliver was very clear that he didn't want to set anything at all into motion without your input first," Ben informed me.

"I'm just lucky that she let me have the rights to the book without a fight. I know how hard it is to do that. The books are like a child to the writers. I know because that's how I feel about my movies," he laughed. "We're going to be having some more meetings for the rest of the week with people I've called about supporting roles. I think the cast is going to be fantastic."

"I can't wait to see who else you have in mind! I think the only way this could get any better is if you somehow talked Helena Bonham Carter into taking a role!" I said before I could stop myself as I played with the rolled up script in my hands.

She was another person I would completely lose my shit around if I got too close to her.

So many people to fangirl over. So little time. Though, I hadn't really lost my shit around Ben. It was easier to talk to him than it had been to talk to Phil when I'd met him.

"Oh my God!" Ben had an outburst and Oliver and I both turned to look at him. "She is phenomenal. I think I would piss my pants if she got a role on this film."

Ben Barnes had a fanboy moment.

Priceless.

"Okay, you two," Oliver laughed. "Don't destroy any trousers but I'll see what I can do about that. For now, you both are free to go."

"Thanks so much, Oliver," Ben said as he stood up and reached across Oliver's desk to shake his hand. "I'm definitely looking forward to working with you again."

"Yeah, thank you, Oliver," I smiled as I stood up and went to do the same.

He shook his head as he took my hand and gave it a gentle shake, "The pleasure is mine, really. You'll both be getting a call from me later this week for further discussions. And Ben, I'll have my people call your people about finalizing this and putting it on paper," he nodded, and with that, I knew we had been properly dismissed.

Once we were out of his office, that's when I really let loose. "Ah!" I squealed and flailed my arms, the script still in my hands. "I can't believe this!"

Ben laughed at my outburst but didn't look terrified, thankfully. "I'm glad you're so excited. I'm getting a bit of an ego boost today." He popped the collar on the blazer he was wearing which made me laugh. We walked to the elevator together and once again he let me walk in first. Once the doors closed and he pressed the button and turned to look at me.

"Hey, do you have any plans right now?"

"Other than trying not to piss myself? No," I laughed. Wow, did I really just say that? Good one Leila! Good one. Honestly, when he had asked, I hadn't really thought there was any reason behind it. Actually, I'm not even sure I was thinking at all. I was still on a high from the meeting.

He laughed again. "You're hilarious," he said as the elevator doors opened. "I was thinking about going to a little cafe a couple of blocks away. Would you like to join me for some coffee? I'd love to go over the script with you."

"Yeah!" I replied quickly, excitedly, "That would be great!"

You know that feeling you get when you're forgetting something - like you know that there's something you're supposed to be doing, or looking for, or whathaveyou, but you just can't place what it is, so you just brush it off? Yeah, that was happening right now.

Of course I chose to ignore that feeling. I still had the script in my hands, my bag was still hanging over my shoulder, and as far as I could tell, I hadn't pissed myself; so what could I possibly be forgetting?

"Wonderful!" he said as we walked out of the building together. It was kind of bizarre to be walking down a sidewalk with Ben Barnes. I mean, it shouldn't have been because my life had been one big ball of bizarre for nearly a month now but it was. People were turning and looking at us and I could hear a few whispers. Or maybe I was being paranoid.

"Here we are," he said as he stepped ahead of me and once again opened a door for me. Such a gentleman, Mr. Barnes is. "Order whatever you'd like," he told me while motioning towards the menu on the wall. "It's on me."

I peered up at the menu and scanned over it. It all sounded so fancy, then I remembered we were in a pretty 'posh' place, so that explained why, "Umm, can I just get coffee with milk and sugar?" I asked, looking from Ben to the lady at the counter, chuckling a bit.  
Ben looked rather amused by this, as did the woman taking our order, "Simplicity! That's a rare thing to find around here," he winked at me then looked at the woman again, "I'd like an espresso macchiato with a dash of cinnamon and very light cream, please,"  
I literally had to look away from him to hide the look of distaste on my face that was brought on by his drink order. That is the exact same thing Medusa would order from Starbucks.  
"For here or to go?" she asked.  
"Here," he replied then turned to look at me again. "Are you alright?"  
"Fine," I grinned as I looked away from the window and back at him. "I was just looking at the double decker. I've been here for a month and I still can't get over them."  
"They're pretty awesome, aren't they?" he asked, glancing out the window I had been looking through. "I still like to get on them when I'm just having a boring day by myself. They never get old," he laughed.  
"I've only been on them once, my second day in town. It was great," I sighed happily, recalling it - and then, it hit me, and I suddenly remembered what I thought I had forgotten in Oliver's office.  
My boyfriend.  
"You alright?" he asked, tilting his head as he studied me. "You look like someone just punched you in the stomach," he laughed.

"I'm fine, I'm sorry," I shook my head and reached for my phone, but before I could even wrap my fingers around it, my attention was taken elsewhere.

"Order's up lovies," the barista grinned.

Ben grabbed both of our drinks and walked us over to a couch that was sitting in front of a window that gave a view of the street behind it.

I made a pit stop by one of the tables and grabbed a straw, because, I'm not putting my mouth on a public cup.

Ben sat down on the couch and I sat next to him which was quite close to him because the couch was made for 2 people to sit on. "Did you have a lot of input with the script?" he asked as I opened it for both of us to see.

"Actually, no, not really. Oliver gave me a lot of control over it. He told me the basis of what he wanted changed from the book and this is what I came up with. He did help though, and a few of his writers. It's a lot different writing a movie script than it is to write a book," I explained as I moved it to where half of it was on his leg and the other half was on mine.

Tearing the paper off of the straw, I grabbed my cup of coffee and stuck the straw inside of it. I swear, I never drank coffee this often at home. Well, in the states I mean. But that's probably because I had Mountain Dew.

"I've read this thing so many times that I think I've got it memorized," I commented before taking a sip of my coffee and leaning towards him to get a better look at the page we were on.

"That's great," he smiled. "If I mess up my lines then you can just whisper them to me or something," he laughed as he reached over to flip the page. "I can tell it's pretty true to the book just from glancing over it. That's great."

Bzzzz. Bzzzzz.

My phone started vibrating in my jacket pocket and I pulled it out to see that I had a new text from Phil.

**Everything alright? You sounded weird earlier. **

**Everything is fine! I'll be home in a bit. **

I text him back and left the phone sitting on my thigh so I wouldn't have to fish it out again if he sent another message.

"Uh.." I tried to think back to what Ben had said, "Oh, yeah Oliver really liked the original story the way it was. He just wanted to cut out some of the more graphic scenes," I laughed. "I got a little carried away with some of the.. adult parts."

He laughed as well. "That's part of why it was so good. It was real. I like that. I don't like it when people bullshit around things like that."

**45 Minutes Later: **

Bzzz. Bzzz. My phone vibrated again and when I looked down I saw another message from Phil.

**You know, you could have told me you were going out to have coffee and cuddle up with Ben Barnes instead of saying you were in a meeting... **

I read it again, and again, and again; still yet the words on the screen never changed.

"How the fuck?" I thought out loud. Seriously, how did he - but I'm not.. Cuddled up to Ben Barnes?!

"Is something wrong, Leila?" Ben asked, obviously noticing my reaction to the text because I'm sure I looked constipated.

"No, no, everything is fine. I just realized I have something I'm supposed to do," I said as I placed my empty cup on the table. "Thank you for the coffee, and you can keep this copy of the script, I've got about ten of them at home," I really hoped that it didn't look obvious that I was in a desperate rush to get away from him and figure out what in the hell was going on.

He stood up when I did, and walked me out of the cafe.

"Thanks a lot for coming with me and for getting me the role," he said once we were outside. "And feel free to text me anytime."

Yeah, we had exchanged phone numbers. Bizaaaarre.

I laughed, "I'm sure it wasn't all my doing, but thanks for actually wanting the part," I smiled, still being as kind as possible even though I just wanted to run back to my building.

I guess I would get to use those marvelous power walking skills I had gained from working for Medusa.

"It was nice to meet you," I added.

"You too," he grinned and then held his arms out. "Can I get a hug, new friend?" he asked, looking entirely too cute.

"Of course!" I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him - and that's when it got a little uncomfortable. I was doing the one handed pat against his back, while he was rubbing circles against mine.

"All right, I'll see you around," I laughed and pulled myself away from him. With a wave, I excused myself and the power-walking began.

My heart was pounding like crazy. I had never known Phil to have any sort of negative emotion towards me and that text he sent was definitely not a positive one. How the fuck did he even know I was with Ben and where the fuck did the cuddling thing come from?

It felt like it took an hour to get back to the apartment but it really only took me about 15 minutes. Then the elevator felt like it took forever as well.

Once the doors opened on our floor I literally ran to Phil's apartment door and knocked on it. "Phil?" I called out, sounding as worried as I actually was.

I heard the door unlocked and then open before Phil came into view. Oh shit. He did not look happy at all.

"What?" he asked. He didn't really say it in a hateful way but he was definitely being cold.

"Can I come in?" I asked after a few seconds of just kind of looking at each other uncomfortably. I really did not like the way he was looking at me. He wasn't glaring, or giving me a _bad _look, persay, but the warmth in those eyes of his that was usually there when he looked at me was gone.

He didn't reply. He just turned around and walked towards the living room where his laptop was sitting and left me to follow him. "I'm really confused here," he said after he sat down and looked over at me. "Why even agree to be with me if you're going to do something like that?"

I shut the door behind me and I suddenly felt like I was going to hurl.

First of all, he looked really hurt, which was heartbreaking enough. Second, I had no idea what he was even talking about - or where he'd gotten this whole idea that I was cuddling with some other guy. And third, was he really not going to give me a chance to even _try _to defend myself?

Not that there was anything to defend, I hadn't done anything wrong. Unless you count giving Ben my number as _wrong, _which I do not. It's not like I was going to actually fucking call him for anything that wasn't work related.

I didn't sit down, I didn't even move any further than I had already. I suppose I was staying close to the door incase I needed to make a run for it.

"What are you even talking about?" I asked as I folded my arms. "I saw your text message, where did you even come up with the idea that I was cuddling up with him? And beyond that, were you really just going to assume that it was true? Like, I don't even get a chance to explain anything at all? Is that how it works?"

He looked at me like I was a complete idiot.

Bzzz Bzzz.

"Fuck!" I said as I reached into my bag until I found my phone. I looked down at the screen and saw that it was Cat.

"Cat I-"

"OH MY FUCK! WHAT THE HELL IS EVEN HAPPENING?" she shrieked so loudly I think I might have heard her 4 apartments down the hall. "PLEASE TELL ME THAT THESE BITCHES ON TUMBLR ARE JUST REALLY GOOD AT PHOTOSHOP AND THIS IS NOT YOU CUDDLING ON THE COUCH WITH BEN BARNES?"

"WHAT?!" I snapped, simultaneously stomping my foot against the hardwood floor. Seriously? SERIOUSLY?

"I DID NOT CUDDLE WITH BEN BARNES ON ANYTHING!" I said angrily. "There's pictures of you with him on a couch, Leila. I'm not lying. People are reblogging them like it's going out of style on tumblr." Cat replied, sounding much more calm. "I'm mindfucked. What is going on?" she laughed.

Phil was just sitting on the couch with his arms folded over his chest watching me.

"YOU'RE MIND FUCKED?!" I shrieked and stomped my foot again and then clenched my teeth to keep myself from showing a really, REALLY, horrible side of myself.

"Nothing, Is going on," I said after I mentally counted to five to try and calm myself. It didn't really work. "Cat, I gotta go, I'll probably see you in a few minutes," I said, keeping my eyes on Phil. I didn't even say bye or wait for Cat to finish speaking before I hung up the phone.

"So do I get to explain myself or are you just going to keep looking at me like that _that_?"

"Would you be looking at me like this if you saw photos of me all over tumblr with a famous actress and were getting bombarded with messages from your fans about whether or not you've seen the photo?" he asked as he rubbed the side of his face in frustration.

"No, I wouldn't," I snapped. "I would at least give you the chance to explain yourself before jumping to some horrific conclusion that you're cheating on me!"

Oh no, oh no, oh no. Please, PLEASE, calm down. Do not get to _that _level of anger. Don't do it. Don't do it. Oh, but it was happening. I could feel my hands starting to shake and my face turning red in the most unflattering manner possible.

"Jumping to conclusions?" he asked, looking really pissed off now. He turned his laptop around so that I could see the photo. "Who the hell wouldn't jump to conclusions after seeing this? I'm so sorry that seeing the woman I'm falling in love with all cuddled up on a couch with another guy doesn't make me want to giggle with glee."

"We weren't cuddled up!" I stomped my foot again, my level of anger growing so fast that I didn't even process what Phil had said until I had already screamed at him.

I hadn't looked at the picture either, not until I realized what he had said. I could feel tears burning at the back of my eyes and I blinked them away.

And I have to say, the picture looked horribly compromising. Ben had his arm around the back of the couch, which made it look like it was supposed to be around my shoulder and my head was tilted to the side so that it looked like it was resting against him, when in reality I was just looking down at the script. I could only imagine the others he had seen.

"So that's it then?!" I sniffled, misty eyed, though my voice hadn't lost an ounce or anger, and was still quite loud. "You're just going to assume that's what I was doing? Cuddling with him?" I asked, "Way to treat the girl _you're falling in love with_, Phil."

The look on his face totally changed from one of anger to one of hurt. It was very close to the pouty face he was so good at. He closed his laptop and leaned forward before rubbing his hands over his face. "I'm new to all of this, Leila. I have never felt this way about anyone. Ever." He moved his hands and looked over at me again. "Seeing that picture," he shook his head before moving his hand and putting it over his heart. "It hurt really fucking bad and the rational part of me knew that overreacting was dumb but I did it anyway because the thought of you, much less the sight of you, with another guy like that makes me want to be physically ill."

The mist that had gathered in my eyes was now streaming down my cheeks in the form of tears, which I quickly wiped away with my sleeve. I felt guilty now, for screaming at him, sick because of how hurt he was, and mad at myself for the last thing I had said to him.

I walked towards him, taking my time because I was afraid he would tell me to get away from him. I knew that he was hurt - but so was I.

"I'm sorry," my voice was so weak that it croaked as I sat down down beside him. I reached for his arm and pulled it onto my lap, holding his hand with both of mine. "Please look at me," I said quietly as I tilted my head, trying to force myself into his line of vision.

He took a deep breath before turning his head to look at me. His eyes focused on my face for a few seconds and he just looked at me like he was trying to figure something out. "No, I'm sorry," he sighed as he leaned forward and pressed his forehead against mine. "I was an asshole. I didn't mean to upset you. I just can't stand the thought of losing you and that scares the hell out of me."

When looked at me, I could feel more tears stinging at my eyes and it took everything I had not to break down on the spot. "Shh," I put my hand against his chest and slowly slid it up to his neck and wrapped my arm around him. "You're not an asshole, and I'm so, so sorry," I whispered, moving my head so that it was buried into the crook of his neck.

He wasn't an asshole at all. He just.. _cared. _

That's where most negative emotions come from. Caring. And it wasn't until then that I realized that; but further, it wasn't until that I realized I felt the exact same way.

The thought of losing him sickened me. That's why it hurt so badly when he looked at me with such coldness, and then how he could hardly look at me at all.

"I'm not going anywhere," I whispered as I rubbed my fingertips against the back of his neck, slowly pulling away so that I could see his face again. "Not until you want me to," even saying that hurt.

"I don't want to lose you."

He moved his hands up so that he was cupping my face and leaned back so that he could look at me. "I don't want you to go anywhere. I can't imagine life without you," he said softly before leaning in and kissing my lips.

I kissed him back and gave the hand that I was holding a tight squeeze; resting my forehead against his I sniffled, "Does that mean you don't hate me and that I get to explain what happened?" I asked meekly, tilting my head back a bit so that I could see his face again. "I know it looks horrible, but I promise, it wasn't," I said, my fingers curling through the hair on the back of his head.

"And you say Dan and I are the ones who are good at pouty faces?" he asked as he leaned back and stroked his thumb over my cheek. "Yes, you can explain now. I should have let you do that when I first found out about this mess."

I let out a breath that I hadn't realized I'd been holding and a very faint smile curved my lips as I shifted my eyes away from him for a few seconds, "I did go to my meeting," I began, looking back at him. "He was there, he got cast for the main role, and we decided to go out of coffee so I could show him the script because he hadn't seen it yet. That's why it.. looked the way it did. The script was sitting on our knees, and we were both reading it, which made it look even worse," I shook my head and sighed. "That's all that we did, and when I got that last message from you, I told him I had to go, and he hugged me goodbye and I left and came straight here," I looked down at the floor and back up at him, "I can see why it upset you, and I know I wouldn't be happy to see something like that.. So I'm sorry that it happened, and I'm so sorry for yelling, I was just, mad and hurt.. I thought you were done with me, and that I wouldn't even have the chance to explain myself, which hurt even more."

He sighed loudly and rubbed the side of his face. "I am such a dick," he laughed dryly. "I shouldn't have acted that way. I know you better than that. I trust you. I don't know what my problem was." He leaned forward and pressed his lips against mine again. "I won't do anything like that again, I promise," he whispered against my lips before his tongue traced along my bottom lip, urging me to open my mouth for him.

My lips parted and his tongue slid into my mouth as I tilted my head to the right. My fingertips slid from his hair to the back of his neck, and down onto his shoulder, where they curled around the fabric of his shirt; I brought my left hand, that still had our fingers knotted together, to my chest as I leaned in towards him, closing my pouts on top of his before opening them again and messaging my tongue against his.

As the kiss got more intense his hands moved from my face and down to my sides where he slid his hands around to my back before pulling my body forward so that I was closer to him. I heard a soft growling sort of noise come from his throat before he suddenly broke the kiss and his hands moved down my back and to my ass. In one swift movement he lifted me and positioned me onto his lap so that I was straddling him before he leaned forward and resumed kissing me, his teeth nipping at my bottom lip as his hands moved from my ass and up the back of my shirt on my bare skin.

Settling myself on Phil's lap, I let out a very quiet moan that vibrated against his lips just before he bit at mine. My hand on his chest, I fanned my fingers out and rubbed my palm down his torso, onto his hip, and finally across his inner thigh to his crotch, where I balled my hand up against it, groping at the bulge in his pants.

He pulled back from the kiss and I had never ever seen that look in his eyes before. It was incredibly sexy. "Question," he whispered before leaning forward again but this time he pressed his lips against the side of my throat while his hands roamed from inside my shirt and moved to my thighs. His lips pressed against my neck and he placed a soft kiss there as his right hand began slowly sliding up my inner thigh. "Can we be bothered to go to my room or stay right here because either way, you're going to be naked in less than 5 minutes," he whispered against my neck as his thumb grazed over the seam of my jeans right over my pussy.

My eyes rolled into the back of my head as he growled against my throat; I was breathless already, and the way he was talking to me was not helping my case at all. "Mmm," I tilted my head back as his mouth moved over my throat, my teeth nipping at my bottom lip, my hips grinding closer to his. Leaning back down I kissed him and ran my hands up his chest, grasping the front of his t shirt, and pulling him forward as I moved one of my legs attempting to stand up, which was hard, given how shaky they had become. "Your room. Now," I breathed against his lips before forcing mine against them again.

He laughed against my lips as he stood up and his arms wrapped around me before he lifted me up and wrapped my legs around him. "A little eager?" he mumbled against my lips before kissing me while walking towards his room. Somewhere in the back of my head I hoped he wouldn't drop me but if he did I would just attack him on the floor. He sat me down on the bed once we were in his room and kissed my lips one more time before walking over to where his iPod dock was and pressing a button so that music began playing in the room. He grinned at me as he walked towards me and he leaned down to kiss my lips before he grabbed the bottom of my shirt and began pulling it up to take it off of me.  
"Holy shit," he whispered when my shirt was off and his eyes were roaming over my body. "You don't disappoint, do you?" he asked as he dipped his head down to kiss my collar bone. I felt his fingers at the button of my jeans and then heard my zipper moving down before he leaned back again and grabbed the sides of my jeans to slide them off of my legs.  
Of course I hadn't taken my shoes off yet so we laughed when he struggled to get my shoes off and proceeded to throw them behind him once he was done.  
He stood in front of me once I was only in my bra and panties and his eyes roamed over my body for a few seconds before he bit down on his bottom lip and grinned at me. "You're so gorgeous."

I had propped myself up on my elbows as he looked at me, and for the first time in my life I wasn't the slightest bit self conscious. I was just so into him, and it was so clear to me, as he gazed down at me, how into me he was.

Smiling, I sat up on my knees and crawled to the end of the bed, "My turn," I said, grabbing onto his shirt and pulling him on top of me, then quickly rolled him over onto his back. Settling myself onto his lap again, I leaned in and kissed him hungrily, from his lips to his neck and started unsnapping his belt buckle.

Tossing it to the side, I grabbed the ends of his shirt and tugged it over his head. I leaned back and admired him as I licked my lips. Oh yes, he was about three seconds from being attacked.

Actually, he didn't even have that long. I kissed his lips again and lowered my head, nipping from his jawline, and trailing my tongue down to neck. I sucked his skin into my mouth and closed my teeth around it; that was definitely going to leave a mark.

One of many, because I did the same thing to his shoulder, and chest, and continued planting kisses until I got to his hips.

I tugged at his pants, which might as well have been painted onto him. "A little help?" my laugh came out as a low growl.

He laughed what was quite possibly the sexiest laugh I had ever heard. "I definitely like this side of you," he said before he grabbed my hips and flipped us so that I was lying on the bed. He moved off of the bed and stood before he hooked his thumbs into the top of his jeans and slid them along with his underwear down his thighs until he could kick them off. He turned around so that his ass was facing me - and can I just say, he was a very nice bum - while I heard the sound of shuffling on his desk followed by plastic tearing. I barely got a chance to get a good look at him when he turned back around before he leaned between my legs and his hands grabbed the sides of my panties. His eyes were glued to my body as he slowly slid my panties down my legs.

"I've been missing out," he smirked as he began crawling between my legs. He turned his head and pressed his lips against my inner thigh before nipping at it with his teeth. I could feel the stubble rub against my skin from where he hadn't shaved yet that morning. He continued moving up my body. He dipped his head down and kissed slowly up my stomach, torturing me by not letting himself settle between my legs just yet.

As his lips found my collar bone I felt his fingertips glide over my hip slowly and then dip down until his fingertips were sliding just barely over my pussy. "Jesus," he whispered against my collar bone before raising up to look down at my face. He pressed against me and his fingertip rubbed over my clit just barely, his eyes focused on my face as he began moving his hand in slow circles.

I let out a gasp as I felt him touch me and the fingernails on my left hand instantly dug into his shoulder, while my right hand grasped the comforter on his bed.

I had NEVER been this turned on before, or so full of desire. I was literally so close to pouncing on him that I had to stop myself as I raised up to do it. My head hit his bed again and I slid my hand from his shoulder to the back of his neck and into his hair, forcing his head in towards mine, kissing him, as I grabbed his upper arm with my free hand. Pulling his hand from between my legs, I broke free from our kiss and brought his finger to my lips, slowly tracing my tongue over the tip before sucking on it, tasting myself, and grabbing his face to kiss him again. "How does that taste," I mumbled, arching my back so that his cock pressed against my pussy.

"Mmm," he moaned before licking my bottom lip. "Just as delicious as I imagined." He kissed me again and his hands slipped into my hair before he tugged at it gently while moving his hips forward slightly. I could feel the head of his cock right...there and apparently he could too because I could feel him tense up and his kiss became even more passionate just before he stopped and leaned his head back just enough to look down at me.

His eyes locked on mine as he pushed his hips forward and slowly began sinking into me. His lips were parted and I could hear his breathing hitch. He was moving torturously slow and kept his eyes locked on my face as he eased his hips towards mine until he was finally completely inside of me.

"You feel amazing," he whispered before kissing the corner of my mouth and finally moving his hips again. He moved slowly as if he was trying to memorize every single bit of how everything in the moment felt. His lips trailed from the corner of my mouth and down my neck with feather light kisses until he reached my right nipple. His eyes lifted up towards my face as his full lips wrapped around it and he sucked hard while simultaneously pushing his hips towards mine harder and changing the pace out of nowhere from slow and gentle to faster and harder.

I arched my back again and dipped my arms under his so that my hands were on his shoulders, a loud moan leaving my lips.

Oh, how fortunate I was that no one else was there.

As his hips drilled harder against me, I tugged his upper body towards me. I wanted to look into those eyes of his again, and I did. His body reacted to my every movement, and I slid an arm from around him and brought it to his face, and he nuzzled his cheek against my palm before leaning down to kiss me again, from my lips to my throat.

I leaned my head back and another loud moan escaped me, my hand sliding into his messy black hair, I grasped it. Bucking my hips against his, I squeezed my legs against his sides, trying to force our bodies closer together, even though I'm not quite sure that it was possible.

His head dipped down and his face pressed against my neck before I heard him moan quite loudly against my skin. He leaned up again rather quickly before reaching for my wrists and sliding his hands into mine. He held them above my head and looked down at me as he began moving his hips faster and harder. So fast that his headboard began hitting the wall with each of his thrusts and the sounds of our bodies meeting was audible even over the music and both of our moaning.

"I want to feel you cum," he whispered as he dipped his head down so that our faces were mere centimeters apart. "Come on, baby," he continued before capturing my bottom lip between his teeth and then kissing me hard, both of our moans lost in the kiss.

Just when I thought my body couldn't handle anymore, he proved me right, by saying _that_. My panting turned into what almost sounded like whimpering against his lips as he pushed me over the edge.

I threw my head back, and let out the loudest moan yet as my entire body tensed up. My pussy tightened around his cock as I came; and I mean I came hard. So hard that I could feel myself pushing his dick out. My back arched up even further and my fingernails dug into his skin and my entire body went numb, then instantly started to shake beneath him.

His hands let go of mine and I felt them move to my hips where he held me against him as he pushed himself forward and grunted loudly as he came. "Fuck!" I could faintly hear him before I felt his head on my shoulder and the weight of his body on top of mine. He was shaking just as badly as I was.

"Oh my..." I couldn't even get the rest of what I was going to say out, which was just one more word, "Glob," okay, there it was. My words came out in a shaky uneven breath that was quickly followed by faint laughter as I ran my fingers through his hair, my chest heaving beneath him.

I felt him starting to laugh before I actually heard it and he raised up to look down at me. "And there's another reason why you're the perfect girl for me," he said softly before pressing his lips against mine. "That was mind blowing."

I couldn't stop the big ridiculous smile from curving my lips after he said that. Moving my hand from his hair to his face, I brushed my thumb across his cheek and pecked his lips, "Mmm, that was... I don't even have proper words," I shook my head, laughing.

I had never had such an intense connection with someone as I did with Phil. It was almost like the missing piece to some kind of puzzle or something.. This might sound a little ridiculous, but sex had never made someone mean _more _to me - not until now. I mean, it wasn't an earth shattering emotional thing that made me fall in love with him, but I did have that warm feeling in my stomach that you get when you have feelings for someone...

Of course they were already there, but they had just been intensified ten-fold.

Or maybe all of the endorphins from the best orgasm I had ever experienced hadn't worn off yet... Whatever.

All I knew, was that I hadn't felt this way before, no matter how cliche that sounds.

He rubbed his nose against mine while his hand moved softly up and down my side. "I could just stay like this with you," he whispered before very softly kissing my lips.

**What we couldn't hear: **

"Phil?" Dan called out, "Phillll? Phillip?"

**What we could hear: **

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Dan screamed so loudly that I couldn't even hear the music playing on Phil's iPOD anymore.

"What the-" from over Phil's shoulder I could see Dan standing at the foot of Phil's bed, his eyes nearly the size of Cat's as he gawked at us, continuing to scream.

"Dan! What the hell?" Phil yelled before snatching his comforter and quickly pulling it over us before he crawled off of me. "Stop screaming, you idiot!" he yelled, slapping his hands down on the mattress.

"OH, MY GOD!" Dan screamed again, still just standing there staring down at us.

Perfect fucking timing for the music to die down and fade into a really soft slow song.

"DUDE, SERIOUSLY!" I yelled at him, "GET OUT!"

Still nothing.

"DAN!" I snapped, "Go get my keys out of my purse and go to my apartment before I throw Phil's condom at your face!"

"NOOOOOO! OH MY GOD, WHAT IS MY LIFE?!" Dan seemed to snap out of it - and two seconds later all that could be seen were his arms flailing above his head as he ran away.

Phil covered his face with his hands and started laughing. "Oh my God. This is what we get for picking on them."


	11. Free Whiskers

**Phil's POV: **

I kissed the top of Leila's head before grabbing my keys and walking to the door. "Don't go anywhere," I told her, grinning as I pointed at her.

"I won't," she smiled at me as she sat down on the couch only wearing one of my AmazingPhil t-shirts. That didn't exactly make it easy to leave but I did. We were hungry and neither of us felt like cooking so I was off to grab some chinese take out for us both.

The whole way to the restaurant I was feeling like I was on cloud 9. I definitely had not thought that my day would end up this way after I'd seen that photo of Leila and Ben together.

Ugh. That was horrible. I still felt like a dick for how I acted. But obviously she really did forgive me because of what had just happened.

Not even Dan busting in the room like a rabid moose could have ruined that moment for me.

I walked into the restaurant and as soon as I got to the register I saw the back of someone's head that looked quite familiar. She turned around and I was shocked to see that it was Cat and she was alone.

Was she not wearing make up? I don't think I had ever seen her without it. Not that she needed it.

"Cat!" I greeted her, smiling. "What are you doing here?" I thought for sure that Dan would have taken Leila's key and gone to their apartment.

"I was hungry and didn't feel like cooking and also was tired of feeling like some crazy bitch hiding from the world," she responded, laughing a bit. "You and Le okay?"

I totally forgot she had called in the middle of our fight.

"Oh yeah, we're great," I smiled and nodded. "I just came to pick up some food for us."

"Great minds think alike," she said as she held the bag up.

"Can you hang on for a second? I'll walk you home," I offered. I knew she was perfectly capable of getting home by herself but I hadn't gotten to spend much one on one time with Cat and considering my best friend had pretty much broken her heart, I felt like maybe talking to me might help out.

"Sure," she nodded and smiled up at me. "That'd be nice of you."

After getting my order and paying, I opened the door for Cat and she stepped out ahead of me. It didn't escape me that she was wearing one of Dan's old flannel shirts. What did these two do? Steal each other's clothes as much as possible?

"So, are you alright?" I asked her as we began walking along the pavement.

She shrugged her shoulders while wrinkling her nose. "I guess so. It's all just retarded now that I keep thinking about it."

"Meaning?"

She sighed. "Looking back on it I think I should have demanded he tell me what the fuck was going on instead of assuming that he'd just been trying to fuck me and had no use for me anymore."

"Well, in all fairness, it did sort of sound like that because of what he was saying," I replied. "But, I know Dan and I know it's more than that. I think he's just afraid of what he feels for you."

She laughed dryly. "He's not the only scared one."

"Definitely not. I think all of us are pretty petrified," I laughed.

"True," she nodded. "Love is an amazing but really fucking terrifying thing. But I know that I would rather get my heart broken than run around wondering if I should have taken a chance on someone."

"Wow. I don't think I've ever heard you be so serious," I smiled over at her and she looked up at me and grinned. It actually looked genuine too.

"I don't think I could have picked anyone more perfect for Leila myself."

That came out of nowhere and I couldn't help but smile. "Really?"

"Yes, really," she imitated my accent and laughed. "I shipped you two before we even met you but now that we have and I see who the real you is, I ship it even harder."

"I'm very glad to hear that," I nudged her with my elbow playfully. "And just so you know, I ship you with Dan."

She got a rather sad look on her face and ran her fingers through her hair.

"Is that food for you two?" I asked her, pointing down at the take out. She looked up at me with a confused expression.

"I haven't talked to Dan since the lasagna night."

"What? When did you leave your flat?"

"Uhhh, like 45 minutes ago. I got lost on the way to the restaurant," she laughed. "And I forgot my phone at home like a fucking idiot so I was really scared for a second there but I figured it out."

"Ah," I nodded. "Well, Dan is probably waiting for you at your flat."

I turned to look at her and she was gone. When I looked back she was just standing there staring at me like a deer in headlights.

"What? Why?" she asked when she finally snapped out of it and caught up with me.

"Uhhhh," I laughed. "You'll want to ask Leila the whole story."

She raised an eyebrow in confusion. "Alrighty then," she laughed. "Oh God. I don't know if I'm ready for this," she said nervously as we approached our building.

"Well, you know," I said as I opened the door. "A wise woman from Louisiana told me something about how she'd rather risk getting her heart broken than wonder if she should have taken a chance."

She laughed and leaned her head over onto my shoulder for a second as we walked towards the lift. "You're an amazing guy, Phil. No pun intended."

When I walked back into the apartment Leila was still sitting on the couch but was on her phone while her laptop was sitting on her lap. I waved with my free hand and held up the bags of food in the other not wanting to speak and interrupt her phone call incase it was work related.

I sat the food down on the counter and busied myself getting plates and glasses down from the cabinets for us. Of course I didn't need to ask what she wanted to drink. I took it upon myself to pour her a large glass of Mountain Dew before picking up her plate of food and walking to the living room with it. I sat it on the table in front of her and leaned over to kiss the tip of her nose before walking back to the kitchen to get my own.

"Yeah, I wrote it down. Okay, thank you so much Geoffrey!" Leila hung up the phone and squealed, kicking her feet into the air.

"Good news?" I asked, laughing at her cute excitement as I entered the room with my own food. I sat my plate on the other side of the table from her and sat down on the floor.

"Great news!" She grinned as she slid off of the couch and onto the floor in front of me, "That was my.. um, agent? Gah, that sounds so weird to say. Anyways, I have another book signing next week!" she clapped her hands together like an excited child before picking up her glass of Mountain Dew and helping herself to a rather large gulp.

"That's wonderful!" I replied, genuinely excited for her. "Where is this one going to be? Shall Dan and I come be your body guards since you're getting so famous?" I asked, grinning at her.

"Ummm," she turned around and pulled her laptop around to face her as she read something that had been typed into a word document, "Waterstones?" she laughed, turning back around to look at me, "I'm still not as famous as you, AmazingPhil," she pointed at me. "But you're welcome to come if you want to watch me sit and sign Leila Faust over and over again for three hours."

I rolled my eyes at her comment about being as famous as me. "I think you're being talked about much more than I am right now," I laughed. "And I can see why. You're much more beautiful and interesting." I paused for a second and smirked. "That was a pretty good one. I should write a book on sweet things to say to your lady friends."

She gasped, "I can hear women across the world turning to puddy already!" then popped a bite into her mouth. "You're definitely good at making me feel special though, so you might as well share that talent of yours with the poor hopeless souls," she laughed. "Which reminds me, I should text Cat and see how things are going with Dan," she mused, grabbing for her phone again.

"Oh!" I dropped my fork like an idiot and laughed at myself. "I just saw her! God, I'm so a.d.d sometimes. She was at the chinese restaurant. Apparently she'd been gone when Dan went over there. She said she got lost on the restaurant and had left her phone at the flat. I'm shocked Dan didn't come by freaking out thinking she got kidnapped. But I guess he's probably too mentally scarred to walk back in here after what happened." I laughed again just thinking about it.

Leila nearly choked from laughing at the latter part of my statement, "That was horrible but so, so hilarious," she shook her head. "So.. ugh, I wish he would have just went and talked to her when I saw him this morning. I feel like I'm waiting for a new episode of a soap opera to come on where a woman's long lost soulmate has finally found her again but she's slipped into a coma, and he ends up getting shot in the face while he waits for her to wake up or something outrageously ridiculous like that."

I just stared at her for a second with what I'm sure was a bit of a scared look on my face before I laughed loudly. "Times like this are when I see exactly how you're such a good writer. I don't know of many people who could come up with something like that so quickly."

She rolled her eyes, "That was rubbish.. Woah, what the hell? Rubbish? _Really_?" Leila sniggered, "You guys are rubbing off on me. I'm going to go back to the states and get teased even more than I did before I left.. Thanks though, babe," she smiled.  
My heart sank when she mentioned going back to the states. How the hell had I not thought about that before? I pushed my food around on my plate, not really having much of an appetite as I let that sink in. "When will you go back?" I asked sounding much more sad that I actually meant to but I couldn't help it. The thought of not being able to see her whenever I wanted was just devastating.  
What the bloody hell has this woman done to me?  
The look on her face, which changed from carefree happiness to a sudden look of sadness let me know that she picked up on how disheartened I had sounded when I asked her that.  
"I'm not completely sure. Oliver said I would be here for at least four months for the film," Leila replied quietly. "So sometime in mid-January, most likely. February at the latest," she rested her cheek against her palm, playing with her food like I was. I'm guessing she didn't have much of an appetite now either.

You know that horrible feeling you get when you almost fall down and you get that weird cold chill that moves over your whole body? That's how I felt when she said that.

I laid my fork down and chewed my bottom lip as I looked at her. "What happens to us?" I wasn't really sure I even wanted an answer to that.

Leila reached across the table and put her hand on top of mine, "I really wish that I could give you an answer, but I have no idea. I've been doing my best not to think about it," she said as he ran her thumb over my knuckle. "I guess I probably should though, huh?" she smiled weakly and tilted her head.

I looked down at her hand over mine before reaching over with my other hand and picking hers up to bring it to my lips and kiss it. "There's no turning back now anyway," I shrugged. "Regardless of whether you go back or not we feel the way we feel. We will figure something out."

We better figure something out.

She started chucking and a part of me wondered why; maybe she had inappropriate responses to stress? "I'm sorry," she shook her head, "That's just weird, because I was thinking the same thing.. I'll care about you whether I'm four doors away, or four thousand miles away," she sighed then scooted a little bit closer to me. "Might as well enjoy the closeness while we've got it, right?" she said in an attempt to cheer me up.

Of course it worked...a bit. I leaned over and kissed her lips. "That was me enjoying the closeness," I told her before kissing her again.

"Mmm, well this is me enjoying the closeness," Leila smiled and put her hand on my cheek as she tilted her head back, returning the kiss.

**Dan's POV: **

Okay, seriously, if Cat isn't back in the next ten minutes, I'm calling the authorities and reporting her as a missing person.

I'd been sitting in her apartment for over an hour and I still hadn't seen a trace of her anywhere. Her purse was gone, but her phone was here. I knew what because I had tried calling her. At first I thought she might have been hiding under the couch, because I heard her phone ring from that general area, but it turns out her phone had just ended up being lodged in the cushions.

Who leaves their house without their phone?

No one.

So my mind kept going to the worst possible scenario.

She'd been Cat-napped.

No, I'm not trying to make a bloody joke right now.

I'm being completely serious!

Why else would her phone be here and not her? I mean, it's not that she was an iphonohlic like Phil, but like I said, who leaves their bloody phone lying around when they go out?

Ugh, I knew I should have just come over here when Leila told me to this morning.

I could have stopped her intruder, or taken her back to my flat, and she could have been blinded by catching Phileila in the throws.

Phil has one of the palest bums I've ever seen, just so you know.

If I get to see Cat again, I'm going to tell her that. I know she'd laugh at it, just like she laughed at everything else that I said.

Well, until I said the stupid shit I had said at dinner about a week ago.

Stupid, stupid!

Why did I even have to talk? My stupid mouth did nothing but get me into trouble anyways.

Finally I heard the sound of keys in the door and I jumped off of the couch to run to it. Of course I didn't think that through. As soon as the door opened and my tall ass was standing there which I'm sure she didn't expect, she screamed loudly and grabbed her chest like she was about to have a bloody heart attack.

Wait, is she wearing my shirt?

"Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, Dan!" she said as she walked into the apartment and shut the door behind herself. "Is there ever going to be a time when you don't scare the living shit out of me?" she asked as she walked past me and into the kitchen to place her food on the counter.

"I'm so sorry, Cat," I shut the door then followed behind her. Normally I would have gotten a laugh out of that, but right now was _not _the time and I knew it. "I really didn't mean to scare you. I was worried, you'd been gone for over an hour."

She turned around to face me with an extremely confused expression on her face and one of her hands on her hip. "Okay, I'm confused. Why are you here? We haven't exactly been on speaking terms for the past few days."

I made a face that pretty much said, I don't want to talk about it, because if I talk about it I have to relive it, "Two reasons," I grimaced. I figured I could tell her one to try to get her to loosen up, and then explain the _real _reason why I'd come over even though I know she probably didn't want to see me.

"I walked in on Phil and Leila having sex, and oh my God, I am so damaged, I know you don't care, but ughh," I shook my head and shivered all over, "Phil has got the whitest bum I have ever seen in my life and it's all I can think about."

Her hand fell from her hip and her eyes got huge. "You caught them having sex?" she asked, her voice quite a few octaves higher than usual. "Sex?!" she repeated herself before she started laughing. "Oh my glob. That's amazing," she shook her head as she ran her fingers through her hair. "Good job, Phileila." She began pulling the items she'd gotten from the restaurant out of the bag and it was pretty obvious she was trying not to look at me.

"Well, I think they'd just finished..." okay, Dan, shut the fuck up about Phileila in the throws and tell her why you're _really _here.  
Why can't being serious and telling the truth be as easy as saying I saw Phil naked?!  
"And, the other reason," I began, leaning over so that I was forcing myself in her line of vision, "Is because I really wanted to talk to you, about.." I swallowed hard, "_Us,_" I finished, looking at her hopefully.  
She rubbed her forehead as she leaned back against the kitchen counter and looked up at me. "What about us?" she asked with sort of a blank expression on her face. She wasn't being herself at all.  
"Can we sit down?" I asked and motioned towards the table in the kitchen and slowly made my way towards it. I pulled a chair out for her, then waited for her to sit down before sitting down in the chair beside it.  
She followed me without saying a word and sat down on the chair before curling her legs under herself. She put her elbow on the table and rested her chin on the palm of her hand.

"So," I took in a very deep breath as I looked from her, to the floor, and back again, "I don't know where to start, because I've never had to do this before, because I've never.. _felt, _like this before," I started, then cleared my throat. "Firstly, I owe you a massive apology. I don't think any amount of 'I'm sorries' or, 'please forgive mes' will make up for anything. Actually I know they won't, but I just wanted you to know that I am, so, so sorry, for the way I acted the other night, and the way I've been.. avoiding you these last five days and two and half hours."

Yes, I was paying _that _much attention. No, I am not ashamed.

"You deserve so much better than that, so I will completely understand if you can't forgive me for it, but I do hope that you will at least let me explain _why _I did it."

She just stared at me without speaking and I was fairly certain that I was about to have a panic attack or crap my pants. Possibly both. Those eyes of hers could be really intimidating on top of that.

"5 days, 2 hours and 35 minutes, actually," she responded. "And you can explain."

I really couldn't stop myself from grinning, though I didn't let it get the best of me. There was still another huge hurdle that I had to jump over.

Sadly, my long legs won't be any use for this one.

"I... really, really, really, _really, _kind of, no, no kind ofs," I shook my head. I knew I sounded like a bloody idiot, and honestly? I didn't give a toss.

I sighed and looked at her, "I - you mean a lot to me. My feelings..." I held my hands out in front of me and moved them around, as if I could somehow express how I felt with my hands. "Bloody hell, I feel like I need a gif set to express myself right now."

"Catherine, I adore you, so much. I literally cannot put it into words. I've been trying all bloody day, and _nothing _is good enough. I don't have enough words in my 21 year old vocabulary to do the way I feel justice," I sighed again. "I can't stop thinking about you, I haven't been able to stop thinking about you since day one.. and it has literally scared the piss out of me." Okay so I haven't literally pissed my pants, but I might as well have. "I know that's no excuse for the way I've been acting... but it's why I've been acting this way."

She bit down on her bottom lip and then moved her hand from her chin to cover her mouth in a failed attempt to hide her smile. Before I could say anything else she started laughing. I mean one of those laughs that's a bit scary because it kind of sounded like a villain laugh of some sort.

"Sorry. I wanted to laugh as soon as you mentioned the gif thing," she said as she shook her head. She sighed and looked down at her hands then looked back up at me. "I'm scared too, Dan. I'm terrified," she laughed. "I mean, I could have just as easily come to you and ended this silence as well but I didn't. I guess I took you acting like that as my way out before I get myself in too deep."

Oh God, she was smiling!

Thank you Jesus!

What a huge relief!

"I never expected you to come to me," I began, "What happened wasn't _your _fault. At all. I.. like I said, there is no excuse for how much of an ass and tit I have been," Woah, Leila was getting to me. I shook my head again, "I'm not even sure why I did it, I mean I know that I did it because I was scared of how I felt, but looking back on it, I don't know what the fuck I thought I would get out of doing those things to you.. I guess I was distancing myself?" I shrugged, "But that just made things worse. I missed you, can I hug you?" I asked, but I didn't even wait for a yes or a no before I reached my arms out and gave her the tightest squeeze possible.

To my surprise she immediately wrapped her arms around me and buried her face against my neck. We stayed like that for what felt like a long time. Her fingers were moving through the back of my hair and we weren't speaking a word until she finally spoke up.

"I really, really missed you," she whispered against my neck before pulling back so she could look at me. "I know that all of this is scary. I've never felt this way. Ever. It's bizarre. But I know that being away from you like that made me miserable as fuck," she laughed.

I really didn't want to let go of her, but I did, because as good as her touch felt, looking into those gorgeous eyes of hers felt even better. For a long time, I wasn't sure if I'd get to see them again. "This is going to sound so, horrible," I laughed, "But I am so glad to hear you say that.. Knowing that you feel the same way makes me feel better, but kind of worse at the same time now that I think about it.. I should have just explained everything to you instead of trying to run away from it.. but I think, or thought, rather, running away would be easier than telling you.." I shook my head, "Telling you was so much easier."

"I thought that just leaving it alone was better," she replied as she moved her hand to my cheek and moved her thumb over my bottom lip. "I figured I could brainwash myself and pretend none of this ever happened and that I was lucky that things happened the way they did because I wouldn't end up hurt. I should have figured out that I was fucked by the time the 2nd day rolled around and I couldn't be bothered to get my ass off the couch except to get coffee."

I nuzzled my cheek against her hand, "I literally didn't leave my flat until this morning, and I ran into Leila.. she talked some sense into me," and also make me feel like I really was the world's biggest asshole, which I deserved. "May I ask you for a really big favor?" I pulled away from her and brushed her hair away from her face as I studied it.  
"Oh, I'm sure that was interesting," she laughed. She raised an eyebrow in curiosity and looked like she was seriously considering whether or not she would do a big favor for me. "What is it?"  
"You look like I'm about to ask you for a kidney or something," I laughed. "Which is kind of odd since I am asking for one of your organs.."  
I moved my hand from her face to the left side of her chest, and for a moment I'm pretty sure that she thought I was only doing it to cop a feel. "Your heart, to be specific," I smiled. "Let's make this official?" I proposed, searching her eyes. "Be my girlfriend?"  
Her eyes got huge and I mean like that deer in headlights look she got every time I managed to scare the crap out of her. "You want to make Can an official ship?" she asked, grinning from ear to ear.

I know I should have just said _that. _I couldn't stop myself from laughing as I nodded, "That's exactly what I want."

She shrugged her shoulders and wrinkled up her nose. "Eeh. I'll think about it."

Just as I couldn't stop myself from laughing a few seconds earlier, I couldn't keep my jaw from hanging open as I looked at her like she'd just punched me in the gut. That's literally how I felt - like the breath had just been knocked out of me.

After a minute or so, I collected myself enough to actually respond to her. "Take all the time you need," my voice was quiet, and I tried to hide the sadness that was in my voice. I guess I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up too high, not after treating her so badly.

"Dan!" she said my name like I'd just done something horribly wrong but before I could really react, she was off of her chair and on my lap. She grabbed my face and pressed her lips against mine as her body settled down on top of me. Her tongue moved past my lips with an urgency I had only felt from her the first time we had sex.

Well, this is confusing.

She finally broke the kiss but still held my face to make me look up at her. "I guess you were unaware that you've had my heart since you named me Whiskers," she grinned before leaning in and kissing my lips. "Yes. I'll be your girlfriend."

What?!

I mean, yeah, great, but... WHAT?

I laughed again, no longer feeling like I had shat my own heart out. "You are a massive fucking troll!" I told her, "Seriously, that was worse than thinking Slenderman had found my apartment!" I was talking with my hands, holding them out in front of me as if they could elaborate on how horrible she had just made the last sixty seconds of my existence.

I slid my arms back around her, hugging her as I pressed my lips against hers. She was definitely the most perfect woman in the entire world.

**Cat's POV**

Leila and I were walking out of the bookstore where she'd just done a signing when my phone started ringing in my jacket pocket. I pulled it out and grinned over at her. "Boyfriend calling!" But I'm sure she already knew that it was him since my ringtone was him singing about bananas.  
"Hey sexyface!" I answered already wishing that I was going home to see him in person instead of just talking to him on the phone. "How was your flight?"  
"Hey gorgeous," he replied in a sing-song voice, "It was long and miserable and I'm so glad that it's over," he laughed. "I miss you already though."  
I poked my bottom lip out even though he couldn't see me. "I miss you too. I'm not sure I'm going to make it through 2 weeks without you. You're a very good cuddle partner."  
I couldn't see him, but I was sure he was making his best pouty face, "I know. That's going to be more miserable than another 16 hour flight, having to go so long without seeing you," he whined. "When I get to the hotel how do you feel about Skyping?" he asked me, "We can get sexual," he added with a laugh.

"That actually sounds pretty tempting," I laughed...but I was serious. I'd take any chance to see him naked. It's a truly delicious sight. "Let's just hope time goes by super fast. I think I'm already suffering through the first stages of Dan withdrawals."

"Then let's do it," he laughed, but from the tone of his voice I could tell that he was being completely serious, "It wouldn't be the first time I've violently fapped in front of my computer. Oh, so much porn," he sighed. "You won't have to miss me for too much longer, I promise. I should be settled in in a few hours. I'll call you then, alright?"  
I had to take a few seconds to reprocess everything he had said before and after the violently fapping comment because that was stuck in my head and doing interesting things to me. "That sounds great, babe. I'll definitely be looking forward to it. Be careful."  
Phil called Leila while we were on our way back to the apartment and they talked for a few minutes as well but we were still looking and acting like mopey titbags by the time we got home.  
"I don't like this," I whined as I dropped my bag onto the floor and walked towards the hall. "They've not even been gone for 2 days and I'm like WHAT IS MY LIIIIIIIIFE?"  
Leila collapsed onto the couch and huffed, "Tell me about it!" I could hear something shuffling, which I assumed was her arms and legs flailing around on the couch. "And of course Phil has to tell me about how warm it is there, and was like 'well at least I won't be cold without you," she used his accent. "Thanks, babe, because I'm not going to freeze my tits off or anything here."  
"AWWWW!" I yelled. I like to yell. "Phil should write a fucking book of romantical one liners," I said as I sifted through my growing collection of Dan's clothes to find a shirt and pair of boxers to wear.  
"Oddly enough," Leila began before I heard the sound of her footsteps against the hardwood of the hallway, "He mentioned doing that," she laughed for a few seconds then started to whine. "Why I stay single reason 999. I hate missing people!" The latter part of her sentence was muffled, as I'm assuming she had decided to move her pity party from the living room to her bedroom.  
I walked out of my room once I was dressed again and peeked into hers. "Reasons not to stay single. Phil Lester's cock," I said before walking back down the hallway towards the kitchen. "Lele! You have a notification on your phone," I yelled when I saw her phone lighting up on the couch.  
Nothing moves faster than the speed of light? Bullshit! Nothing moves faster than Leila when her phone goes off.  
I didn't even hear her coming, I just saw her dive onto the couch, scrambling for her iphone, "Yay, a new e-mail," she said unenthusiastically as she stood up and moved towards the kitchen where I was standing.  
"Leila, I'm sorry to inform you that the signing this week has been cancelled," she read out loud, "Oh PERFECT! Now I can be lonely and bored."  
"You are not gonna be lonely!" I said as I shut the refrigerator door. "What am I? Chopped liver? Gah. Dan was right. You just don't even need your peasant without a penis anymore." I then pulled my best pouty face and started to sniffle.  
She rolled her eyes, "You know what I meant!" laughing she latched onto me like a child to her mother's leg. "Peasant without a penis, you know I looooove you," she baby talked. "I just miss my peasant with a penis. I told you about how wonderful his penis is. It fills me with the best of feels."  
I latched onto her as well and nuzzled my face in her hair like a crazy person. "Phil fills you and gives you feels?" I asked, laughing at myself. "Aw. I miss Dan's penis now," I sighed. "Oh well. Time to tumblr for 2 weeks while they're gone," I patted her head before walking over to the couch and sitting down.  
I'm not sure what made the idea pop into my head but as I was reaching for my laptop I had one of those moments where a lightbulb would have appeared over my head if I were a cartoon. "Dude!" I squealed while flailing my arms into the air. "Why don't we just go to LA?" I grabbed my laptop and quickly opened it. "I mean, we'd only have to pay for the plane tickets. We still have the apartment so we can stay there. We could go to the convention thingy and surprise the boys."  
Leila just stared at me with her mouth open, like she was trying to process the idea, before a loud squeal left her lips. "OH MY GOD!" It was obvious that she hadn't even thought of that as being an option. "We wouldn't even have to pay for the tickets! We never went home after we came here.. obviously," she laughed and flailed her arms. "We can use them I think.. and even if we can't, fuck it!" it was always so easy to tell when she was excited about something, because my very smart best friend, would stop making sense and just sputter out nonsense.  
I tilted my head and tried very hard to understand what she meant. "Okay I'm just going to assume you for sure meant that you wanted to go, spazballs," I laughed. "Okay, we'd have to leave as soon as possible if we want to surprise them at the convention. But, we should probably wait to talk to them on Skype so they don't think something is wrong. Or should we be evil trolls and let them think we've been taken away by Phans?"  
She looked at me like I was crazy, "Screw Skype! Let's troll them! They won't even have a chance to get upset once they see us there," she nodded quickly.

18 hours and what felt like 65 different lay overs later, we were in LA.  
It was really bizarre to be there again. LA and London were so different from each other and while I loved LA, I realized as soon as I walked out of the airport that day that my true love had become London.  
What was really weird was going back to our apartment. Holy fuck it was like the land of dust in there. We only had 2 hours after we landed to get to the convention so there was no time to sleep. We'd both caught a few cat naps, harhar, on the plane but we were still really delirious from lack of proper sleep.  
In the car on the way to the location for the YouTube convention the boys were in LA for, I looked down at my phone for an update on how many times Dan had called me.  
"14," I said out loud before sliding my phone into my bag. I reached over and picked Le's phone up from her leg and looked at how many missed calls she had. "16. Dammit. You're beating me!" I laughed. "I hope they're not pissed when we show up. For all we know they've got the police at the apartment searching for our bodies."  
Leila laughed, "In Dan's defense, you did get more text messages than me," she pointed out. "I can't see them getting mad, but if they do, I'm telling them this was your idea!"  
"You do realize that it was _your _idea to just leave and blow off Skyping with them, right?" I said as I looked over at her from the passenger's seat.  
"Damn,"  
Obviously she had forgotten all about that.  
"FUCKING MOVE!" Leila laid down on the horn, and I suddenly remembered another reason why I hated Los Angeles. The traffic was re-fucking-diculous. The building for the convention was literally two traffic lights away but I knew we'd be stuck waiting at least another fifteen minutes in this bizarre traffic jam. "Uh oh," Leila looked down at her lap, "Wait for it, wait for it.. okay, I'm up to 21 missed calls now."  
"Fuck!" I slapped my hand against the dash. "Dude, I feel like Bella Swan in New Moon when she's gonna go stop Edward from gettin naked in front of that clock and shit. Every time I see that I always think 'I bet she's about to get some nervous diarrhea urges'."  
What the fuck is even wrong with me?  
Le bursted out laughing, "Right?! Surprisingly I'm not about to shit myself," she said. That's a first. "I am _really _nervous though! Why am I nervous? Are you nervous?!" Oh yeah, she was definitely nervous. She talked a lot when her nerves got worked up.  
"Yes, I'm nervous. You sound a bit like a crackhead right now so I can definitely tell you're nervous," I laughed.  
'I like bananas, I like bananas in the sunshiiiine..'  
My ringtone went off again and I literally stuffed my hands behind my back to keep myself from answering. "I'm losing my will power, dude. I miss him. Oh that's so pathetic, Cat. Really?" I shook my head as I looked out the window. Thankfully we were about to pull into the parking lot at the convention center where this gathering was located. Of course it was fucking packed. I was expecting that.  
"So close!" I said as I started bouncing up and down in my seat.  
"It's not pathetic! But you better not answer your phone! Stick to your guns, woman!" Leila drummed her hands against the steering wheel. "SO, excited! Eep!" She squealed.  
After five minutes of inching across the packed parking lot to avoid taking people out of the game by running them over, we finally found an empty parking place.

Of course it was like half a mile away from the building the convention was in, so it took _that _much longer to get to it. Luckily we were both pretty good power-walkers from our peasant days. Leila was dragging me around and cutting people off left and right, while I was saying 'sorry,' to all of them as we passed.

Now, I'm generally just a very paranoid person so I tend to think that anyone who glances my way and moves their lips at the same time is talking to me but it kept happening repeatedly as we made our way to the building. I didn't have time to ask Leila if she was noticing cause the woman was on a mission.

We finally made our way inside and got into the actual convention. "If I were a wild Dan and Phil, where would I be?" I said out loud as I stood on my tip toes to look around us.

Leila was doing the same as me, though I think she might have had a chance at being successful at finding them given that she was taller, "What if they're not even here?" she said, still dragging me by my arm as she searched the crowd, "I mean they keep calling us, what if they left?" she looked down at me and started laughing, even though she knew what she was saying wasn't the least bit funny.

"Sssssssshit!" I said as I thought about that. She was right. What if we had trolled them a little too hard and they were on a plane to London right now?  
Panic mode in 5, 4, 3, 2-  
"Oh my God! It's Whiskers!"  
I paused and looked up at Leila. "Did someone just say Whiskers?"  
"Oh shit!" Leila pointed behind me to what I saw to be a group of 20 or so people storming towards us, all saying something about "Whiskers."  
"It's Dan's girlfriend!" said one girl.  
"Hi Whiskers!" said another.

"Oh my God, we didn't know you were going to be here!" and another.

I know my eyes had to be as big as fucking dinner plates while I was looking at them. I hadn't even thought about anyone at this thing noticing me or Leila.

"Hi!" I waved, trying not to look like a totally awkward fucktard. "I didn't know I'd be here either," I laughed as they all began surrounding Leila and I.

I knew that Leila was probably watching to see if any weapons were about to be pulled. This was probably an exact replica of one of her Phan nightmares.

"Leila too!" one of the girls in the group pointed out that Leila was standing with me and there was a collective sound of random. "Hey Leilas!" in the group. People walking by were starting to look over at all of us like 'who the fuck are they?'

"I ship Phileila!" one of the girls in the group said with her hand raised and I laughed and glanced over at Leila.

"Uh, thanks!" Leila laughed then glanced down at me, nonchalantly leaning in and saying, "What the fuck? What do we do?" while still smiling and waving at the girls who were surrounding us. And I mean they were really surrounding us.

"Can we get pictures with you guys?!" Someone asked. I couldn't tell you who, there were way too many people talking and saying things to us to even attempt to figure out which one had said it.

"Sure, why not?" I shrugged, looking up at Leila like 'Is this real life?'.

Over the next few minutes we got a taste of what life was like for our boyfriends at events like these. Well, not exactly. Neither of us got licked or anything.

I can't remember the last time I was ever in that many photos. I hoped I didn't look at jet lagged and delirious as I felt.  
"There's Dan and Phil!" I thought I heard someone in the crowd say but I was mid picture pose and I couldn't look away and end up like cross eyed with my mouth hanging open in a photo that might end up on tumblr.  
"What the-" I knew that voice.  
"What, in the fucking fuck?!" That was Dan. No doubt about it.  
He was surrounded by girls, and a few guys, but he wasn't looking at any of them. Nope, he was looking directly at me like I'd sprouted another head.  
"Phil!" who was a few feet away from Dan, turned his attention to him. Dan pointed in my general direction and Phil's eyes soon followed.  
"Leila?" I heard Phil's voice quite loudly over all of the giggling and whispering that was now going on around us as well as camera flashes. "What the hell?"  
ha. ha. He cussed in front of everyone.  
"Busted," I looked over at Leila and grinned.  
"Excuse me ladies," I looked over to see Phil squeezing his way through the many girls who were standing between him and Leila. Once they realized what he was doing they started to move out of the way and I swear the absolute cutest, biggest smile was on his face by the time he got to her and pulled her into his arms. "Oh my God. I was so worried," I heard him say against her hair as he hugged her like he hadn't seen her in a week.  
"I missed you! That's why I'm here," she was squeezing him back. I don't think either of them stopped to think, or even cared, really, that everyone surrounding them was snapping pictures of them.  
"What are you even doing here!?" Dan's voice came out of nowhere and his arms slipped around me from my back as he planted a kiss on my cheek.  
"Awwww!" I heard this from several of the girls around us as they watched all of us interact. I had been so focused on Leila and Phil that it actually scared me when I felt Dan's arms sneak around me.  
I turned around to face him quickly and literally jumped into his arms and hugged him as tightly as I could. "No more Dan withdrawals!" I said as I squeezed the ever living shit out of him. Fuck, he smelled SO. GOOD.  
"You had me terrified, I really thought something was wrong with you!" Dan told me as he pulled away from me. "You could have at least told me that you were coming. Oh my God, I've called you like 30 times," he laughed and shook his head. "I felt like a stalker!"  
"My how the tables have turned," I grinned up at him.  
"I was seriously about to call the manager of our building to go see if you two had electrocuted yourselves or something," Phil spoke up which made me laugh. He was referring to the day that Leila and I were getting ready in our bathroom together and I tried to plug my hair straightener up without my power converter.  
We had some unwanted fireworks in the apartment that morning.  
Meanwhile, we still had people standing around us watching us interact with each other like we were a live soap opera.  
"Excuse me, would everyone like to gather round for a photo?" I heard a _very _familiar voice say, "It's for the LA Times!"  
Leila must have noticed the voice too, because she was looking around trying to figure out where it had come from, a very confused look on her face.  
"You have GOT to be kidding me!" Leila laughed, "Cat, look who it is!" she said, pointing towards a very tall, very thin body that was dressed in a very hideous pantsuit.  
I pulled back from Dan's arms and turned around to see that it was exactly who I thought it was when I heard her voice. "Oh holy fuck," I laughed and rolled my eyes.  
"What? Who is that?" Phil asked, looking down at Leila.  
I looked up at Dan who was looking at me with a confused expression. "Medusa," I whispered in an evil sounding voice knowing he'd know who I meant.  
"Nah, I think we'll skip out on gathering around for a photo but thanks for asking!" I replied to her with the most fake sounding plesant voice I had ever heard fly out of my face.  
"Hey Medusa!" Leila waved with the hand that wasn't wrapped around Phil's waist.  
Phil was still looking down at her, more confused than ever. "Who is Medusa?" he asked just as Medusa stepped beside him.  
"Our old boss," she told him as she looked up at him again.  
Sharon looked between the four of us then pushed her glasses up on her nose, "Well, well, well. Did you finally get yourselves new jobs as custodians?" she asked, which, by they way, made no fucking sense, since none of us were wearing jumpsuits that had our names on them. Or were going around picking up trash, or anything else that would make her think they we were fucking janitors.  
"They're Dan and Phil's girlfriends!" one of the girls spoke up like everyone in the world was supposed to know this fact. I wish I could have reached that girl to give her a high five.  
"Yeah, who the hell are you, you waffly twat!" another person spoke up and I immediately started laughing.  
"It's official, y'all have the best fans ever," I looked up at Dan before glancing back over at Medusa.  
"So, she's the one who fired you after you nearly got hit by a car in a pile of shit?" Dan asked loudly enough for everyone around us to hear.  
"That'd be her. Let's not forget how she treated Leila and I like complete shit during the entire year we worked for her," I added to that. "Oh, Medusa! Have you heard? Leila's book is being turned into a film. We're living in London now. It's pretty fucking great. How's your husband doing? Still sucking the pool boy's cock?"  
Everyone around us went into a fit of laughter. Well, everyone but Medusa. She just continued to stare at me like she was trying to make my head explode.  
"Or has he gone back to porking his secretary?" Leila had to add insult to injury. It was common knowledge that Mr. Medusa fucked around her. He'd tried to involve me in it - but I'd rather fuck a cactus.

Sharon rolled her eyes, "I'm sure you live in London, that must be why you're here instead of there," she said condescendingly, then turned her attention to Leila. "And there's no way they would turn such a horrible book, written by someone who can't even write an obituary, into a movie. Really, Ms Faust, you should go back to mommy and daddy, you'll never make it here. Your work is mediocre at best."

"They do live in London! Everybody knows that!" someone in the crowd shouted at her. "Go away!"

I swear, I hadn't felt that kind of rage since the night I called Dan a waffly twat. I could feel my face and ears turning red and my hands starting to tremble.

"Sharon, your best bet is going to be to walk the fuck away now because I'm about to cause a scene and you really, really do not want that to happen." My voice was too calm and even scary to me.

"Uhhh. Should we walk away before Cat's claws come out?" I heard Phil asking Leila.

Leila didn't get a chance to reply - because as soon as her lips parted to speak, Medusa started running her mouth.

"Oh, don't even get me started on _you," _she laughed, "A blind person could take better photographs than you. The only reason you lasted as long as you did at the Times is because you were sleeping your way around the office. You don't have talent, you're just a whore."

I could hear people gasping around us and I swear it felt like I was about to shoot fucking daggers out of my eyes at this bitch. "Oh hell no," I said as I let go of Dan's hand and began to move past people to walk towards her.

"Have you lost your fucking mind?" I asked her. Well, I yelled at her once I was out of the crowd and near her. "I think you've got me confused with yourself, you tragic ass basic bitch."

Oh yeah. Southern ghetto Cat was flying out of me with no hope of being controlled.

Before I could even think twice about it, I closed the small distance between us with my fist and punched her right in the nose which I'm sure cost more than my apartment in London.

Medusa gasped and her hand flung to her face, and seconds later I could see blood pouring from beneath it.

"I AM CALLING THE POLICE! YOU ARE GOING TO JAIL!" she shrieked. "ROGER! ROGER! Call the cops! This piece of filth just assaulted me!"

"Oh my fuck!" Dan grasped me by my shoulders and pulled me away from her, "Cat, don't do anything else, she's not worth going to jail over."

"OH IT DOESN'T MATTER, SHE IS GOING TO JAIL!" Medusa yelled.

There was an uproar from the Phandom, and even people who weren't members of it, screaming and throwing things at Medusa and Captain-Annoying, whose real name was Roger.

That wouldn't have been a bad thing, if some of the articles flying around weren't missing her. Phil had gotten hit with a full cup of coke, Dan now had soft serve in his hair, Leila was drenched in - I don't even know what the fuck, and I had nacho cheese all over me.

"Going to jail is totally worth it. I've wanted to punch your plastic face for ages," I laughed sort of like a maniac. "And I'm not entirely sure of who you're calling filthy. I think all of your employees have probably smelled your stinky snatch when they walk into your office several times." I should have shut up but I couldn't stop. "You are just a gigantic cunt covered in shit. I hope that someone fucking-"

"Ma'am!" I heard a man's voice from behind me before I felt someone grab my arm and literally jerk me away from Dan so that I stumbled and almost busted my ass.

"Don't arrest Whiskers!" one of the girl's near us yelled and looked genuinely traumatized by what was happening.

OH fuck. I hadn't even thought about the fact that I was standing there in front of Dan and Phil's fans and had punched that bitch in the face along with saying some very colorful things.

Good job representing Team Can, Cat.

"You're under arrest," the guy said as he pulled my arms behind my back way more roughly than necessary. "Shit," I sighed. "Dan, can you get my phone out of my pocket? Leila has my wallet in her purse."

"Oh my God. This is not happening right now," Phil spoke up as he and Leila got closer to where I was now being handcuffed in front of everyone. I glanced over at Medusa to see blood still pouring from her nose and staining her ugly pant suit.

Totally worth it.

Dan approached me and a second officer stepped in front of him, "I'm going to need you, to get back," he said sternly.

"I'm getting her phone from her," Dan informed him and without waiting for any kind of response he brushed by him and went straight for me.

"We'll get you out as soon as we can," he told me as he stuck both of his hands into my pockets, trying to figure out which one my phone was inside of.

Once he had it, he tucked it into his own pant pocket and I could see a smile curving his lips even though I knew he was trying to remain serious, "That was saucy," he wiggled his eyebrows and leaned in to pop a kiss on my lips.

"Alright, that's enough!" the police officer yelled, yanking Dan away from me.

The cop who had been handcuffing me then proceeded to escort me out of the building. "I love you all! Don't change too much while I'm in the big house!" I yelled over my shoulder before he pulled me through the door and outside to his car.


	12. Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off

**Dan's POV: **

It had only been a few hours since the fiasco at the convention had taken place. I had bailed Catherine out of jail with the help of the mighty Phileilia, and now we, as in, Cat and I, were back in my hotel room, discussing the disaster.

Cat had ice on her hand, which was really swollen and discolored, but she refused to go to the hospital over 'busted knuckles,' despite the fact that her hand looked like it might have been broken.

"What is my life even?" I laughed as I sat down on the bed where Cat was laying. "This is definitely one of the craziest things that has ever happened to me, and that's really saying something."

"That is for sure the craziest thing that has ever happened to me," she laughed. "Apart from how I met you and our relationship as a whole but yeah. Going to jail was a first. So was punching someone."

"Wait," I held up my hand, "That was your first fight?" I asked, "As in, ever?"

"Yeah," Cat laughed. "I mean I've gotten in quite a few verbal arguments in my day but punches have never been thrown. She just pushed me over the edge talking to Leila like that and then accusing me of sleeping with people. Oh and insulting my photography skills. Fuck that."

"No offense, but I am really shocked by this information. I mean, obviously you don't care to tell people what's on your mind, but from the way you threw that punch.." I raised my left hand and punched the air, "I kind of got the impression that you'd done that before."

Seriously, she hit that bitch with such precision that you would have thought she'd been rehearsing that move for ages.

"She definitely deserved it though. If she had talked to you like that before, I don't know how it didn't happen sooner."

She sat up and crawled over to me before swinging her leg over mine and straddling my lap so that she was facing me. "Was I wrong in thinking that you enjoyed it a little too much, Mr. Howell? I knew that look in your eyes when you said that it was saucy."

"Nope," I smiled at her as I slid my arms around her and rubbed her back, "I thoroughly enjoyed watching you deck her. So much that it made watching you get handcuffed in front of a room of 14 year olds worth it."

She leaned forward and smashed her face against my chest. "Oh God. I feel like the most horrible adult right now. I can't believe I did that in front of those kids." She leaned back and looked at me with a very worried expression. "I'm so fucking sorry for doing that. I know it didn't make you and Phil look too great."

"No! Don't be!" I shook my head, laughing again, "They were all chanting 'FREE WHISKERS' once the car had taken you away," I told her, recalling it. It was probably one of my top ten favorite moments. I really hoped someone had filmed it, because I wouldn't mind reliving all of it. "I mean of course there were a few parents who didn't like the language, but I'd say 95 percent of them were on your side."

She started laughing really hard. "Free Whiskers? Oh, holy shit. Phans really are the best sometimes. That's just glorious." She moved her hands to the back of my neck- she is the only person who can touch my neck - before leaning forward and pressing her lips against mine. "I've been wanting to do that since before I went to jail. Thanks for not marrying anyone while I was gone. I'm sure it was difficult to wait a full 3 hours for me. You've wasted so much of your life on our love!"

I sighed and shook my head, "I honestly don't know how I got through it, it was completely horrific and I am scarred for life. Next time you decide to attack someone, you might want to consider my feelings," I nodded, looking at her with my best serious expression.

"By the way," I tilted my head, "Thanks for trolling me, _again. _I seriously thought Slenderman had gotten you."

She giggled and stuck her tongue out at me. "You've met your match, Dan. See, I was already a troll and now I'm with you so I pick up on shit you do. It's quite scary if you think about it. Imagine the damage we could do."

"God forbid we ever procreate together. I don't think the world could handle that. Hell, I'm not even sure _we _couldn't handle _that,_" I laughed. "We already damage Phil and Leila. I reckon people should be glad they aren't our friends."

Out of absolutely nowhere she leaned back and pulled off her tank top before throwing it behind her. "Do you think that we could handle practicing what it takes to procreate?" she asked, tilting her head and attempting to look all innocent and sweet.

I leaned forward so that her back was against the bed and I was on top of her, my hips settling against hers, "I'm not sure that you can handle it, but I'd be down to give it a go," I smirked, then leaned in and kissed her.

She giggled against my lips and I felt her leg wrap around me before she raised her hips and pressed them into mine. "I've handled it quite well before if you recall," she whispered when she broke the kiss and looked up at me. "Perhaps we should see if you can handle me?"

"I think I can, so long as you don't start throwing punches at me," I said lowly as I moved my lips, which were hovering over hers, down to her neck. I placed a lustful kiss upon it as I slid my hands down her stomach to the top of her pants, unbuttoning and unzipping them, then lowering down a little further kissing around on her neck.

Her breathing had already gotten rather heavy and I could feel her starting to tremble beneath me. I absolutely loved that I could have that much of an effect on her.

"Dan, are you aware that you are a very dominant man?" she asked as her fingers found their place in my hair and her fingernails began lightly moving over my scalp.

"Am I?" I asked, still planting kisses, though now I was at her stomach. I poked my tongue between my lips, licking her skin before moving down a bit more. After sliding her pants off of her hips, I pulled them, and her underwear away with one quick easy movement. "Mmm, what possessed me to leave you behind in London?" I asked before pulling my shirt over my head and throwing it to the side.

Leaning back in against her, I kissed the other side of her neck and grazed my teeth against her skin until I got to her chest. I pulled her bra off of her shoulder and dipped my head down and licked over her nipple before sucking it into my mouth.

"Oh holy fuck," she gasped and her back arched up from the bed which pressed her body closer against mine. One of her hands moved away from my hair and down my back before she slipped it between us and I felt her fingertips graze over my already very hard cock through my jeans. "Well, hello there," she said in the sexiest voice possible as she grabbed the top part of my jeans and managed to pop the button open in the tiny space between our bodies. "Pants. Off."

No matter how overcome I was with desire, nothing could have stopped me from laughing at that, "And I'm the dominant one?" I said as I raised up. I pulled my pants off of my hips, and then proceeded to try and be the lazy man that I am, by taking them off without actually getting up. But I met defeat and stumbled out of the bed. Though, for such a lazy person, I got them off rather quickly and was back on top of her, kissing at her neck as my cock rubbed against her, my arm outstretched to the nightstand by the head of the bed, reaching for a condom.

They don't call me butterfingers for nothing - the entire box fell from my hand and emptied all over the floor, and in the process of trying to grab one of them, I probed against her, causing her to gasp.

"You might want to watch where you poke that thing right now," she laughed beneath me and then I felt her hands on my chest. "Sit up really quick," she told me, pushing at me which confused the hell out of me but I did what she wanted and sat up on my knees. She leaned off of the bed giving me a wonderful view of her ass before she picked up one of the condoms I'd spilled on the floor and ripped it open with her teeth.

"I'll do the honors," she informed me as she crawled closer to me. I swallowed hard as I looked down and watched her roll the condom onto me before she held her hands out towards it and said "Ta daaa!"

She laughed at herself as she leaned up to kiss my lips. "Sit back," she whispered, pushing at my chest again until I moved my legs out from under myself so that I was sitting up.

"We're going to change things up a bit." She moved her legs over my thighs so that she was straddling me and I could feel my shaft pressing against her heat which was a fucking huge tease.

"I know you love being dominant but I think you should let me give it a go, don't you think?" she tilted her head and bit down on her bottom lip as she raised her hips up so that the head of my cock rubbed over her incredibly wet folds.

Holy, shit.

Now I know how she felt with all of my ass backwards teasing.

"Be my guest," I said slowly, looking up at her with my big brown eyes as I rubbed my hands up and down her sides, taking in the view from this side of things.

I wasn't quite sure what to expect - most women just kind of laid back and took it if you know what I mean, not that I have over the top amounts of experience or anything.

She moved her right hand away from my shoulder and her fingers wrapped around the base of my cock before I felt her line me up with her entrance. Her eyes locked on mine and I barely had a chance to process how fucking sexy she looked while looking at me that way before she moved her hand and dropped her hips hard, taking in my entire length so quickly and so hard she made herself scream. I'm fairly sure that my right shoulder already had some lovely scratch marks from that one movement.

Her hands found their place in my hair again and her fingers gripped at it before she tugged my head back slightly and began rocking her hips into mine with me as deep inside of her as possible.

I leaned my head back and rested it against the headboard and my mouth fell open in the process, a low moan escaping my throat as she grinded against me.

My fingers fanned out and slid from her lower back onto her ass; giving it a a very tight squeeze, I bit down on my bottom lip and kept my eyes on hers as she continued working herself against me. I never knew a girl - or anyone for that matter could have such an intense look in their eyes as she did right now. I took in a deep breath, "Fuck," I breathed out heavily, my eyes traveling down her body, to her hips, where I watched them sway. All of this was a lot for me to handle. I was always in control, and now? I was more or less her rag doll.

Her face leaned in closer to mine and she grinned at me that grin she always got when she was doing something naughty. Her lips barely grazed over mine and I could taste her sweet breath against my mouth. Loud moans were leaving her parted lips each time I slipped deep inside of her and from this position I was as deep inside of her as I could possibly get without causing some sort of damage I'm sure. "Does that feel good, baby?" she whispered as she leaned back a bit to look at me, her voice sounding the sexiest I had ever heard it.

I let out a low growl and bit down on my lip to keep myself in check. The way she was looking at me, the way she was talking to me, the way she was moving, it was more than I could bear, and I was very, very close to flipping her backwards against the bed and just fucking _her _on the spot.

But I didn't, because as much as I loved to be in control, I wanted to see how this was going to play out.

Sitting up a little straight, causing our bodies to sway, I moved my hands from her ass and up to her back as I leaned in towards her and let my tongue trail across her chest. Teeth exposed, I grazed them over her chest before sucking one of her nipples into my mouth again and looking up at her. Though, that didn't last too long, because of the way she was moving. My head fell back again and I let out another moan, my hands moving from her back to her stomach and up to her chest.

"You don't know what to do with yourself, do you?" she asked as her hands moved down and slipped over the top of mine. She moved them down until they were resting on her hips and kept her left hand over my right as her right hand began sliding slowly down her body. I watched it as it moved further down until her fingertips made it to her pussy. She began rubbing slow circles over her clit which caused her walls to tighten round me even more and her moans to get even louder.

What the fuck was she trying to do to me?

Seriously, what the fuck was I supposed to do - or say to that?

I took in a slow steady breath, because if I didn't, and she kept this up, I was going to pounce on her. "Unf," I grunted, still watching Cat play with herself. I licked my lips before biting down on them, sucking them into my mouth.

Two can play this game -

My hands on her hips, I grasped them as tight as I could, lightly lifting her off of me before slamming her back down and thrusting my pelvis against hers at the same time.

Moving my hands from her hips, I placed them on her ass, grasped them, then smacked one side of it before thrusting my hips again, and continuing to do so in a quick, steady motion.

"Oh fuck!" she screamed out, her hands immediately moving to my shoulders where her fingernails pressed quite hard into my skin. I'm fairly sure everyone on our floor could have heard the scream followed by the incredibly loud moans that I caused in those few movements. She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around my shoulders before pulling her chest towards me until our bodies were completely pressed against each other. She leaned her forehead against mine and began rolling her hips faster against mine.

One of her arms moved off of my shoulders and I felt her fingertips graze over my lips realizing immediately that they were still damp from her touching herself. "Want a taste?" she asked breathlessly, leaning her face back and grinning at me.

Okay, load, stay in your balls - do not prematurely ejeculate.

I licked my lips, tasting her, and it nearly sent me flying over the fucking edge. Holy hell. How did she expect me to contain myself when she did shit like _that. _

My only assumption was that she didn't want me to; so I reacted.

I tightened my grasp around her hips, lifting her up again, and slamming her back down as I moved my hips harder and faster against her, filling her up deeply with every motion. I was moaning rather loudly, and that said a lot, because I usually didn't make noise. My heart was beating against my ribs, threatening to jump out.

I was leaning in towards her, my hands holding her in places as I continued thrusting my self inside of her.

"Fuck, fuck!" she started moaning out that word repeatedly sounding like she was losing control of herself which is what I was going for. Her arms were wrapped around to my back again and her whole body was shaking on mine. Her fingernails were pressing harder and harder into my back but I couldn't be bothered to say anything. It was one of those pleasure filled kinds of pain.

"Oh fuck, I'm gonna cum," she moaned in my ear as she began pushing her hips harder and faster against mine trying to push herself over the edge. Her entire body suddenly tensed up and I heard her take in a sharp breath as her pussy gripped my cock so hard it was nearly painful.

The tightness of her pussy around my cock caused a surge of adrenaline to course throughout my body. I couldn't hold on for much longer. I thrust my hips again, and again, and on the third one I slammed myself deep inside of her and let out a deep moan as I came against her tense walls.

My entire body tensed up then relaxed, my chest rising and falling so fast that I looked and felt like I had just ran a marathon. "Oh, fuck," I panted then swallowed hard, my face buried in the crook of her neck.

"What, in the fuck, did you just do to me?" I breathed out after I caught my breath.

Her fingers were in my hair again and she was running her fingers through it slowly as she also attempted to catch her breath. Her body was still shaking like mad though. "I attacked you," she laughed breathlessly. "I've wanted to do that since the first time I ever saw you. I had some built up tension or something I guess."

"You guess?" I laughed, tilting my head back so that I could see her face. "You didn't just attack me," I shook my head, "You fucking destroyed me!"

She laughed and ran her fingers through her hair as she took a deep breath to attempt to steady herself more. "Are you complaining about that?" she asked, grinning at me. "That's what you get for making so many pairs of my panties wet."

I held my hands up, though she couldn't see them, "Not complaining," it would take a _real _asshole to complain about _that. _"Just stating facts is all," I laughed.

She leaned forward and pressed her lips against mine then pulled back to look at me again. "I figured that you deserved to have someone do all the work for a change," she smiled. "But I do love when you attack me as well. Love. It."

"That's good to know," I sniggered, "This is an equal opportunity relationships," nodding, I shifted around on the bed to get more comfortable. "You know, I wonder be surprised if we get calls about complaints from all the noise you were making."

She started laughing. "Hey! I wasn't the only one making noises. You were getting pretty loud yourself, sir," she said while pointing at me. "Not that I'm complaining because that was fucking hot."

"You were fucking hot," I said seriously. "Never, ever had an experience like that before. I almost felt like a virgin all over again."

Her eyes got wide and she got a super serious look on her face. "I was totally a virgin before that."

I laughed again, "It was _that _intense, wasn't it?" I raised my brow then leaned up to pressed a kiss against her lips.

My woman is perfect. All arguments are invalid.

Her phone started ringing on the table next to the bed and she leaned over to have a look at it. "Weird. I don't know anyone in LA who has this number," she said as she sat up straight again and looked down at it. "It's probably the cops calling to tell me they're taking me back," she laughed before bringing the phone to her ear. "Hello?" she answered while running her fingers through my hair and looking at me with a smile. "This is Catherine Radley," she raised an eyebrow. She stayed silent for a few moments while whoever was on the phone was talking. "Yes ma'am," she finally spoke up again. Her eyes were cast downward and she had moved her hand away from my hair but was now rubbing her fingertips along the top of my hand. "Yeah, that'd be great. My email is my full name at . Yes. Okay, thank you. Bye bye."

She laid the phone down and her eyes stayed on my hand for a few seconds before she finally looked up at me again and smiled. "So, what shall we do for dinner this evening, Mr. Howell?"

"We're meeting team Phileila somewhere. Phil's gonna text me the details," I told her before glancing down at her phone. "Who was that?" I asked, curiosity getting the better of me. It wasn't too often that she got a random phone call like that, even less often that she told them her email.

"Huh? Oh! Uh, it was just someone from my old job telling me they had some photos I didn't get off of the work computer," she told me as she climbed off of the bed still completely naked. She laid her phoned own on the bed side table before walking into the bathroom. "Oh Jesus, Mary, Joseph, Will and Grace. I look haggard!" she laughed. "Do you think I have time to shower before we meet Team Phileila?"

I laughed really loudly at that; who says that? "You're gorgeous," I yelled at her, not bothering to move. "Yeah, I'm sure you've got time. I'm pretty sure they're doing what we just did, only less saucy, because of reasons."

"Because of reasons, hm?" she laughed, peeking her head into the room. "I'll be out in just a sec. Feel free to stay naked so I can oogle your goodies further when I return."

"Like I could be bothered to get up," I said before she shut the door.

Jesus, my girlfriend was insane. In the best way possible, of course. Letting out a light sigh, I wiggled against the sheets, making myself more comfortable, only for Cat's phone to start ringing about ten seconds later.

"Of course," I groaned. My fuck, I am so lazy. The phone was literally in arm's reach. After debating whether or not I could be bothered to reach for it, I leaned over and grabbed it to see that Leila was calling.

"Wot?" I answered, sounding very, very British.

"Ay, mate. Cat 'round," Leila mocked me without missing a beat. I laughed.

"She's all wet at the moment. May I take a message?"

"Thank you for that mental imagine, Daniel," she laughed. "What time will you two be ready? Do I need to stop by and make sure she doesn't trip and fall on your dick causing us to be late and Phil and I to starve to death?"

"Oh, Leila, your mind is in the gutter. She already did that. She's in the shower. We should be ready to go in about thirty minutes," I replied.  
"Oh God," she sighed and I could see her rolling her eyes in my head. "We'll come by in half an hour. See you soon, waffly twat!"  
"Too-da-loo," I said then pulled the phone away from my ear to hang up.  
I was about to put it back down and start getting dressed when an alert popped up saying that she had a new e-mail.  
My finger accidentally-on purpose tapped the icon and opened the message.  
Don't judge me. I wanted to see what kind of freaky pictures she forgot to delete.  
However, much to my surprise, there were no freaky pictures, rather, a very detailed message from People Magazine offering her a job.  
My first thought was, holy hell, that is amazing! My second thought, why didn't she tell me?  
Though, as I continued reading the message, I think I might have figured out why. Apparently the offer was for their office in Los Angeles; which was quite conflicting since she had plans of moving to London.  
Well, maybe not concrete plans to move, but we did discuss the topic very briefly on our first date.

"BABY YOU LIGHT UP MY WORLD LIKE NOBOOODY ELSE!"

"Oh God," I sighed while lying back on the bed again. I heard the water shut off and immediately closed out of the email and locked her phone again before placing it on the table. The bathroom door opened and a huge cloud of steam came flowing into the room along with the smell of her shampoo.

"I smell like a girl!" she declared quite proudly as she walked out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around herself. "Oh yay. You stayed naked," she grinned at me while she walked by the bed to get to her suitcase. "You might wanna check your hair out, babe," she laughed, glancing up at me. "It's a bit sexed up."

"I told you I would," I winked, then sat up a bit. I guess you could say I was waiting for her to mention the email I just read, but my thoughts were torn away from that as she mentioned my hair. "I told you that you destroyed me," I laughed, standing up. "Enjoy the view while you can. Phileila will be here soon," I sighed as I wrapped my arms around her waist then pressed a kiss against her lips. "I reckon I should go get dressed."

Pulling away, I walked over to where my luggage was sitting and grabbed the first button down I saw as well as a pair of jeans and pranced, as Cat liked to say, to the bathroom.

"Holy hell," I laughed, getting a glimpse of myself. My hair looked like 'hammered assholes', again, as Cat likes to say.

Shockingly we were both able to get ready without distracting each other and were sitting on the bed flipping through channels on the tv while we waited for Leila and Phil. "I almost wore a sweater. I'm going to get the plague from the shock of the weather change," she told me as she laid her head on my shoulder.

Part of me wanted to ask her why she was acting like she hadn't been offered a job that could change her life forever. The other part of me didn't and that was the selfish part of me. I knew if she didn't say something soon I was going to just blurt it out inappropriately and she was probably going to smack the hell out of me for looking in her phone.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

"Yay, Phileila!" she announced excitedly as she hopped off of the bed and literally skipped to the door before opening it.

As soon as the door opened she lunged forward and latched onto Phil like some sort of cracked out spider monkey. The look on his face was absolutely hilarious.

"Oh my glob, it's AmazingPhil!" she squealed as she did this odd sort of actual cat like thing where she was rubbing her head all over the side of his.

Phil literally just stood there holding her up with a very confused and slightly frightening look on his face. She let go of him and adjusted her shirt before walking back into the room to grab her phone and bag. "Y'all ready?" she asked like she hadn't just done one of the most spazzy things I had ever seen her do.

"I am so confused," Phil spoke slowly as he looked at me and then turned to look at Leila.

"About what?" Leila asked, looking up at him, "Surely not about her behavior," she laughed.

"I'm ready," I said as I forced myself off of the bed and over the where Cat was now standing by the door. "Let's hope this goes better than last time," I laughed.

Phil and Leila looked at me like they couldn't believe that I just said that out loud.

"What?" I looked between them, pretending to be oblivious as I slid my arm around Cat's shoulder.

Cat's arm moved to wrap around my back and she bumped me hard with her hip. "That is the night we do not speak of," she whispered and for some reason used my accent.

We started making our way down the hallway and when Phil and Leila got a few steps ahead of us Cat suddenly let go of me and grabbed Leila's arm before pulling herself up against her side and laying her head on her shoulder.

I wonder if she planned on telling Leila about the job.

Stop thinking about the bloody job, Dan!

"I missed my b.f.f," she pretended to cry.

Did this girl ever have dull moments?

Phil was walking next to me at this point and I felt his eyes on me so I looked over at him with a scared expression. "What? Do I smell?"

"No, weirdo," he laughed. "You look sort of constipated. What are you thinking about?"

Damn best friends knowing you so well.

"I'll tell you later," I responded in a whisper so that the girls wouldn't hear.

Phil kept his eye on me for a few more seconds before shrugging and accepting that as my final answer to his question.

"So did you go get your pimp on like the good peasant with a penis that you are?" That'll get his mind off of it, if nothing else will.

Leila must have overheard me, not that I was trying to be quiet enough for her not to hear me, and she looked over her shoulder and rolled her eyes before calling me a twat.

Phil avoided the question and went on to re-discuss how Catherine had gotten arrested, and that conversation lasted until we got to the restaurant that was a few blocks away from our hotel.

We ended up at a booth in the corner of the crowded room. Since I really wanted this to go better than the first time around, I ordered us a round of tequila; well, that and because I really, really liked being 21 in America. It gave me a sense of empowerment, even though I could legally drink in England when I was 18.

"Tequila makes her clothes fall ooooff," Phil sang with a southern accent out of absolutely nowhere. He looked over at Leila and grinned. "Does tequila make your clothes fall off?"

"No more than you do," she smiled then downed her shot. I caught Cat looking at her, and something told me that Phil could consider himself fucked. Literally.

"Phil could breathe on her or just make some sort of cute animal noise and her panties will fly across the room," Cat laughed before downing her shot and shaking her head around like a wild woman.

"I will have to remember this for future reference," Phil responded and Cat got a super shocked look on her face.

"Phil! What has gotten into you? Or should I ask what you've gotten into."

"Te-Leila," I commented with a laugh before leaning my head back and taking my shot.

Seeing our waitress pass by our table I told her we wanted another round.

"Are you trying to get us all drunk so you can take advantage of us, Dan?" Leila asked.

"Why yes I am. What was it that you called us? Catphilia? I'm trying to make _that _happen," I wiggled my eyebrows.

"Catphilia sounds like some sort of disease you get from feral cats," Phil responded which made the girls start laughing and me as well. He had a point.

"He's trying to get us all drunk so we'll agree to have a 4 some and he'll video tape it because he wants to break into porn acting and he needs a good video for it," Cat explained as she picked up one of the shots.

"Ew," Phil responded, wrinkling his nose at her. "I don't want my best friends junk flying near my face or anything."

"But thousands of other people do," Leila laughed before picking up one of the shot glasses, "I'm not one of them, before one of you assholes says something like that," she added, then tilted her head back, downing it.

"What's so wrong with my junk, Phil?" I asked before doing the same.

"I don't want anyone's junk flying near my face!" he laughed. "Unless it's Leila's boobs, vagina, or any other body part then I do not want it."

"Awww. That was sweet in a very weird, perverted way," Cat told him. "Oh my glob. I'm so hungryyy," she informed all of us in her very dramatic deep voice she enjoyed using so often.

"I've got great timing then," the waitress smiled.

I glanced up at her to see that she had another tray of shot glasses. "We didn't order those," I told her, but since they were handy...

"I know," she said as she started sitting them down in front of us, "They're on the house. We figure that one might need them after the day she's had," she nodded towards Catherine.

"I was at the convention, and even if I hadn't been, the video of you punching that lady in the nose is all over Youtube, and it was on the news. Personally, I would have gone in for another swing if I were you," she winked then pulled out a pen.

"Oh shit. Are you serious?" Cat laughed as she covered her mouth. "I can't believe that's on youtube. Oh God. I bet there's shitstorms raining down all over the place."

"I definitely need to find that video later," Phil laughed. "The jail thing sucked but everything before was awesome."

"What are you gonna order, babe?" Cat looked over at me and for a split second I could see the little act she'd been putting on since that phone call fade away for some reason. It must have been all of that tequila.

"A steak, well done, and a baked potato," I said, looking from Cat to the waitress, "And another round for all of us."

Oh yeah, we were going to get sloppy drunk.

"I'm gonna be so white girl wasted," Cat laughed. "I'd like the blackened chicken alfredo, please."

"I want everything," Phil added as he glanced over the menu. "Do you have waffles?" he asked, looking up at the waitress.

"You're going to turn into a waffle," Cat told him before she downed yet another shot. Oh yeah. I was going to meet drunk Cat tonight for sure.

"No, sorry and I'm not sure how well that would settle well with all of that Tequila," the waitress laughed.

"I'll have what Dan's having then," Phil finally concluded looking like someone had just told him Christmas was cancelled.

"I want a chicken quesadilla," Leila told the waitress as she reached for her third shot.

"Alright, I'll be back in a few minutes with the Tequila," she smiled after collecting our menus then marched away.

"Dan, why are you on a mission to get alcohol poisoning?" Cat asked me

"I'm not," I sniggered, grabbing the second to last shot that was left on the table. "I just want us to have a good time. Not that we need alcohol for that.. Plus, I've never gotten drunk with you two," I pointed between Cat and Leila then took my shot and slammed the glass down.

She looked over at Leila and started laughing. "The night Leila got the call about us going to New York to meet Oliver we were sooo obliterated. Oh mylanta. It was bad."

"I'm not sure that we can blame that entirely on alcohol though," Leila laughed before her eyes got wide and she looked at Cat like she had just said something horrible.

"What?" Phil and I both said at the same time, obviously wondering the same exact thing. What the fuck was she talking about?

Cat's eyes got more wide than usual and she stared at Leila for a second before laughing. "Nothing," she grinned and shrugged. "Let's just say we had a really bad day. That happened to be the day I almost died in the land of poo and we had a bit of an herbal remedy for our stress."

"Herbal," Phil repeated with an eyebrow raised in confusion.

Poor, clueless Phil.

"They're talking about weed, Phil," I told him.

"Ohhh," he laughed.

"Ooowwwrrhh," Leila said out of nowhere, and all of us looked at her like she was crazy. She didn't look fazed.

"What? I like the way he says that," she shrugged and looked up at him.

"That sounded nothing like him," I laughed.

"There are certain things you two say that are so fucking cute. We would like pause the videos and go back and listen to it over and over. Like, an example would be how you meow. That's always cute," Cat pointed towards me. "And I know there are many more but I'm a bit buzzed so I can't think of them."

"His fucking Mario impressions!" Leila slapped her hand down on the table. "Here we gooooo!" she imitated, looking up at Phil in the process. "Soo, damn, cute!" she forced a kiss against his lips.

"She's buzzed," Cat announced while laughing.

"Here we gooo!" Phil said as he leaned towards Leila again and kissed her lips. It was odd seeing Phil like that with someone else but not a bad sort of odd. He and Leila just seemed right.

"Here's your other round," the waitress stepped up to the booth and sat the shots down on the table before picking up our empty glasses.

"Thank you!" Cat literally bounced in her seat before picking up another shot. "We should do a toast!"

"To you decking that cunt in the face!" Leila proposed as she reached for her shot glass.

"Or to something else," she laughed, looking between us.

We stayed quiet for a few moments before Cat spoke up. "To new friendships, new relationships, and loving London way more than LA," she laughed. "I think we should all have something to toast to," she said as she looked up at me.

"To new beginnings," I proposed as I raised my glass, then looked at Phil. Knowing him he'd toast to bloody toast.

"To toast!" he laughed. "No, to waffles," he nodded, still laughing at himself. He looked over at Leila and grinned. "To love and happiness," he nodded and we all exchanged glances before we clinked our shot glasses together and drank the shots at the same time.

An hour later we were all finishing dinner, but more importantly, we were all completely pissed off of our tits. Honestly, I have no idea how I hadn't just blurted out the whole deal about Cat's job offer.

No, she still hadn't brought it up; which was also surprising. I figured getting her drunk would have been the magic way to get her to spit it out. But apparently I was wrong.

After five rounds of Tequila shots, we figured it would be in our best interest to switch over to beer. Plus, our waitress said that if we didn't slow it down, she was going to have to cut us off, out of fear that one of us would get sick all over the table.

"Damn it, once you piss that first time, it's like your bladder won't fucking stop," I mused as I sat back down at the table. Phil and I, like a couple of girls, had taken a bathroom break together.

"Leila totally stole the rest of your beer," Cat informed me as she pointed at my now empty bottle of beer which had been half full when I walked off.

"Lies!" Phil laughed, pointing at Cat. "Leila still has almost a whole beer over here."

"Dammit, Phil. You're a fartgoblin," she stuck her tongue out at him. "Hey, how many time have you two banged now?"

"Do you mean in total or just today?" Leila asked, looking quite happy to engage herself in this conversation.

She was three sheets to the wind.

Cat's mouth fell open and she gawked at them. "Today," she laughed. Phil just had this big cheesy 'I got laid' grin on his face.

"Three times.. four if you count all the fondling I've been doing under the table," she winked at Cat as she picked up her beer to take a swig.

"You were right, babe. The innocent ones are always the ones who are nymphomaniacs," I laughed.

"I told you!" she laughed and leaned over towards me to kiss my cheek. "Leila is the quiet one out of the two of us but I think she's probably way better at sexy times."

"Oh she's pretty freakin amazing at sexy times," Phil nodded with wide eyes as he brought his beer up to his lips.

"I beg to differ," I said as I picked up my empty bottle. "Damn it," I said as I shook it, only then remembering Cat had finished it off. "Cat's a minx," I winked at her. "A very, drunk minx."

"This is true," she nodded as she ran her fingers through her hair. "What time is it anyway? I'm still so confused from getting used to London time." She poked her bottom lip out and made her best pitiful face. "Awww. I miss London. Can we go back yet?"

"Not right now," Phil laughed. "I don't think they'd let drunk people on the plane."

"Yes they would!" Leila butted in, "They let us on a plane to New York smelling like a brewery!"

I had fished my phone out of my pocket to check the time while this conversation was going on; honestly, I didn't want to talk about London - not when Cat was still avoiding letting me know about her job offer. "It's 9, so it's 5am back in London," I informed them after doing the math in my head. "I think I should get you back to the hotel before you pass out at the table, or try to skip town," I laughed lightly.

"I think that you probably should too," Cat laughed. "I am far too gone to make responsible decisions about whether or not I should continue to drink. Or something."

"I just want to have sex with Leila," Phil blurted out like that was the most natural thing in the world for him to say.

"I feel like we sound like a couple of really horny 15 year olds," Leila laughed, "And guess how many fucks I give about that?" she held her hands up, "Not a single fuck!"

Cat reached over the table and held her hand up to Leila to give her a high five. That was such a guy thing to do and that made it more hilarious. Actually, the whole night when sex got brought up it was by one of them instead of Phil and I.

We won the girlfriend lottery.

"Well, I reckon we should all get going then, yeah?" I laughed, amused.

"You ready for round five, babe?" Leila said as she _tried _to stand up, but ended up back in her seat, giggling.

After seeing _that, _I stood up and helped Cat out of her seat so she wouldn't have the same problem as her friend.

I'm sure they were ranking neck and neck on how much they'd drank that night.

"If you can stay awake for it," Phil laughed as he helped her up out of her seat and wrapped an arm around her back to steady her as we walked out of the restaurant.

After a very interesting cab ride back to the hotel, Phil and I were helping our entirely too drunk girlfriends walk to the room without making pit stops to spontaneously dance, sing, or attack each other with hugs like they hadn't seen each other in ages or something.

That all might sound pretty easy but we were drunk as well so it was a bit of a fiasco.

"Honey, we're hooome!" Cat sang as she walked into the room and literally dove onto the bed. "I could be in the Olympics," she sighed as she rolled over onto her back and started kicking her legs like a maniac until her shoes flew off.

I was laughing as I followed behind her, stepping out of my shoes before sliding onto the bed beside her. I barrel rolled closer to her and propped myself up on my elbow and rested my cheek onto my palm, "You could also work for People Magazine," I blurted out as I slid my arm around her.

That was so nonchalant. I gave myself props for that one.

She turned her head towards me and had a very, very confused look on her face. "Wha- How did you know about that?" she asked as she sat up and turned to face me.

"When Leila called earlier the email had come through and I-" Damn you, drunk Dan. Way to bring it up and then incriminate yourself. "I read it, thinking it was going to be minxy pictures of you that you left on your bosses computer, or whatever the hell you told me earlier, but it ended up being _that. _Why didn't you tell me?" I asked as I rubbed her back. I wasn't mad or anything, though she may have been, I'm not sure. Drunk Cat wasn't as easy to read as sober Cat.

She was completely silent and still the whole time I explained myself which didn't seem like a good sign. She brought her hand up to rub her forehead and took a deep breath. "I didn't tell you because I don't plan on taking the offer," she said as she pulled away from me and scooted off of the bed. She stumbled a bit as she started to take her jeans off but managed to get them off without toppling over. "Dammit!" she groaned as she attempted to unhook her bra without taking her shirt off but finally succeeded and pulled it out of her the bottom of her shirt before throwing it across the room. "I need to wash my face," she informed me as she started shuffling towards the bathroom like this was a subject that didn't need to be discussed or something.

"Your face can wait," I began as I rolled off of the bed and to my feet before staggering towards her. "Because I think _we _should talk about this," I said, looking down at her with a very serious expression. I brought my hands to her shoulders and turned her around to that her back was facing me and walked her back to the bed and helped her onto it.

"Why aren't you going to take it?" I asked the world's dumbest question. "You do realize that this is a _huge _opportunity for you, right?"

She pulled back the covers on the bed before crawling under them and laying on her side so that she was facing me. "I just don't want to take it," she shrugged. Oh yeah. Like that was going to be a good enough answer. "Can you just like forget that you saw the email?" she asked while she threw the covers back and then patted the mattress next to her for me to lay down next to her.

"No," I crawled across the bed to lay down beside her again. After I was snuggled under them, I resumed my position, propped up on my elbow with my cheek resting against my palm. "I can't," I sighed. "If I know you at all, and I do, I know that _this _is exactly what you've been waiting for... It's like when I became partners with Youtube, Cat. It's a pretty big deal, and I don't think it's something you should just brush off. Especially by saying you _don't _want to take it."

She scooted closer to me and her eye locked on mine while she slipped her hand under my shirt and rubbed her fingertips along my spine. "I already have what I've been waiting for," she whispered. "And taking that job will-" she shook her head and closed her eyes for a second and I was shocked as hell when they opened again and I could see tears. "I just want to go back to London with you."

It was hard to see her cry. Harder than I ever thought it would be, and I felt like an ass, because I felt like somehow it was my fault. "Do you remember that chat we had on our first date?" I asked her as I wiped the tears away from her eyes with my thumb. "When we were talking about you going back to America when everything was said and done?" I tilted my head a bit, studying her. "I didn't, and don't want you to go, and the very selfish part of me wants me to beg you not to... But _this, _Cat, it's not something I think you should pass up on because of _me. _It's an opportunity of a lifetime... I mean, if you didn't know me, you would take it, am I right?" I asked.

How I was being so calm and open about all of this was beyond me. Or perhaps only going so smoothly because I was drunk.

Most likely because of that.

Alcohol made everything so much easier to say.

She nodded and reached up to wipe away her own tears. "It's not that easy though," she said as she leaned her head forward and pressed her forehead against mine. "I didn't want to tell you about it because I didn't want to have to have this conversation. I didn't want you to know that I would choose you over this opportunity. I knew you'd probably try to talk me out of it and I knew Leila and Phil would probably do the same. But ever since I moved to London everything has felt right and I know that that's mainly because of you. How can I choose my career over that? How could we possibly make it work?

I nuzzled my nose against hers before pulling back slightly so that I could see her face. And again, it was so hard to see such a look of sadness upon it. "That's just it," I said softly, moving my hand up and down her side. "You don't have to choose. It's very possible to have both.. It won't be easy, I can't even try to say that it will. I would miss you every second of every day when you're away from me, but that doesn't make it impossible," I tried to sooth. "I don't want to be away from you, but I'm willing to sacrifice what I want so that you can do what you have always wanted to do... We can visit each other, and the internet is a beautiful thing. I'll only be a Skype call away."

So she wouldn't be in walking distance, and that sucked to think about - but we were going to be faced with this as some point, right?

"And, it would really make Medusa's skin crawl," I added with a laugh.

I finally managed to get a smile out of her with that last comment. She slid down a bit and nuzzled her face against my chest while pulling her body as close to mine as she possibly could. "I'll think about it," she whispered which didn't sound very convincing. "I'd rather be sober when I make the decision and right now I just-" she sighed. "I don't want to think about being away from you."

**Cat's POV: The next morning:**

I felt the mattress move beside me and was immediately bombarded by one of the worst headaches I had ever had. I groaned as I rolled onto my side and opened my eyes.

"OH HOLY SHIT!" I screamed and sat up in bed because Leila's face was literally like an inch away from mine and scared the living hell out of me.

"Oooow," I whined and rubbed my temples. "Oh God. Why? Why did I drink that much?" I said as I leaned forward and smashed my face against the mattress.

"Hmm, maybe because you were trying to drink away all of your problems?" Leila suggested, and I could feel the mattress moving again.

And again. And again. And again.

Was she _jumping _on my bed?

"Oh Cat, you got a lot of 'splaining to doooo," she said as she jumped from one side of me to the other and back again. I swear if she fell on top of me during this, I might have to be _really _mean to her.

"Leila Faust!" I yelled and immediately regretted it because it felt like my eyes were literally going to bulge out of my head. "Stop. For the love of merlin, please stop," I grabbed at her pants and attempted to pull her down. "I think my brain is literally bleeding right now. Cut me some slack."

"Fine," Leila sighed, and for a second I actually thought she was going to listen to me.

Kicking her leg out of my grasp she jumped up and then landed very hard beside me on her ass. So hard that I was flung into the air and against the headboard.

"But you still have a lot of explaining to do. Bleeding brain or not."

"OW!" I flung my arms around before reaching back to make sure my skull wasn't cracked open. "What the hell am I being punished for?" I grumbled as I kicked the covers off of myself and stood up to go find my bag where my meds were. "And where is Dan? I'm going to beat his ass for letting my evil sidekick in here with her malicious intent."

"For not telling your evil sidekick about the most amazing job offer ever. Really, Cat, do you want to be my peasant forever?" She asked. "He and Phil went to get breakfast. Or lunchfast, since it's noon."

I found my bottle of headache meds and stood up sighing loudly. "Of course he told you," I shook my head. "To be such a funny, sarcastic little shit he sure does know how to get all up in some serious business and work his magic," I said as I grabbed a bottle of water from the mini fridge and made my way back over to the bed. "Did he tell you why I hadn't told anyone?"

"Of course. That waffly little twat told me everything you told him," she nodded. "So that's why I'm here," she smiled. "Serious girl talk time."

The thought of all of this scared the living shit out of me and when something scared me my first reaction was to fucking run. Far. Far away. "Leila, I'm just not ready for an opportunity like that. Or to make a decision or what the fuck ever. I don't know." I popped the pills into my mouth and took a long drink of water before I started rubbing my temples.

"Seriously?" she laughed, "That's the excuse _you're _going to give _me_?" she asked, her eyebrows raised high with amusement. "Don't you remember having a similar conversation with me about a month and a half ago? Oh, you forgot? Let me refresh your memory. I got this _amazing _opportunity to go to London and work on this film based on this book that I wrote, and I was two seconds away from turning it down because I was afraid of what my parents would think, until someone told me that I should do what I wanted to do and more or less say fuck what other people thought of it."

Why must best friends know you so fucking well and use your own fucking advice against you?

I was about to open my mouth to say something back but my phone started ringing on the nightstand and I knew it was Dan because of the ringtone. I picked it up and took a deep breath to calm myself. "Hey babe," I answered.

"Wow, you're awake. I'm guessing Leila is there?" He asked, knowing good and damn well that she was.

I rolled my eyes. "You knew she would be here. I'm not a dumbass. What did you want so I can go back to getting my lecture?"

He laughed, "I was calling to see if you wanted anything to eat. I got you coffee, but I wasn't sure if you're the next day hurling type or not."

"I'm starving. Please get me as much carb filled food as possible." My stomach was growling at the thought of it. "Leila, do you want anything to eat?"

"Duh," she replied before laughing. "Can you tell Dan to ask Phil to get me a Mountain Dew, too, please?"

"Did you hear that?" I asked.

"Yeah, I did. Do you want anything special?" he asked.

"Just you and food," I replied. It was crazy how talking to him made me feel so much better.

OH I am so fucked.

He laughed again and I could almost see the dimpled grin on his face, "Your wish is my command, we'll be back as soon as we can get through all of this fucking traffic. I told Phil we should have just walked," he sighed. "Anyways, I'm going to let you go so you can get back to.. whatever you two are going."

"Okay babe. See you soon." I looked at the phone and the screen went back so I assumed he had hung up already.

I don't know if it was because I still had alcohol in my system, because I had that random realization of how much he meant to me seconds before, or because I was just being a fucking female but for some reason I just lost my shit.

I mean the ugly cry happened out of absolutely nowhere.

"I can't do this," I shook my head while sounding quite hysterical. I'm sure Le thought I'd lost my fucking mind.

"What the-" Leila stared at me for several seconds before crawling closer to me, "What's wrong?!" she asked, sounding just as confused as she looked. "Are you- are you pregnant?!" That was probably the only logical thing she could think of that would make me break down in fucking tears for no reason.

"No!" I responded while wiping away my tears. "God no," I shook my head. "I can't- I can't just take this job and be here and you'll be there. You'll be all the way in London and Phil and-" My feels were getting the best of me. "Fuck! I love him, Leila."

"PHIL?!" she gasped then immediately jumped off of the bed, looking at me like I had just told her the Pepsi company had gone out of business. "YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH PHIL?! WHAT?! HOW- DID YOU? WHAT?!"

"WHAT?!" I shrieked back at her looking at her like she was a fucking maniac. "What the hell are you even talking about?" I facepalmed myself pretty damn hard and immediately regretted it. Then I picked up a pillow and threw it at her. "I love Dan, you twat! I got my words all jumbled cause I'm losing my motherfucking mind. I am so just so totally fucked."

"Oh," she sat back down, looking quite relieved. "Ohhhhhhh!" she had finally processed that I had told her that I was in love with Dan. "Awww," she smiled, a really big smile, which really wasn't helping. "Ohhh.." she grimaced, again, finally processing why my life was suddenly very complicated. "You're not fucked.. I mean, that makes it harder, but.. does he know?!"

"Nope," I fell back on the bed and covered my eyes with my arm. "I'm not about to unload that truck of crazy on him. I do know that the thought of being away from my whole fucking comfort triangle terrifies me. On top of that I'm really in love with someone that I can't imagine my life without and now it's like I have to choose him or my career. It's disgusting to me that I'm even debating on this."

"You don't have to choose," she said, sounding so much like Dan that it was almost annoying. "Seriously, I wouldn't lie to you. You can have the man of your dreams _and _the job of your dreams."

"That's easy for you to say." I sat back up and curled my legs under myself. "The man of your dreams and the job of your dreams are in the same country. I had already made the decision a couple of weeks ago to stay in London and now this happens," I sighed and shook my head. "I don't know. Ugh. This sucks llama taint."

Leila laughed then shook her head and a serious look made her smile fade, "They're in the same country _now. _But... I don't know what I'm going to do once the film stuff is over with," she shrugged. "I mean, I guess it's different for you, since your feels are deeper? But.." she sighed. "Nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight, right?"

I raised an eyebrow at her. "My feels are deeper? Honey, I don't know if you've noticed or not but your feels are pretty much as deep a mine," I laughed. "Seriously. You two were meant for each other."

"This isn't about me," she said, trying her best to hide her smile. "You and Dan are perfect for eachother. The entire world knows it... And like I told Phil, you're going to feel the same way about each other no matter where you're at. I know the thought of being away from him sucks, trust me, I know," she sighed. "But it won't change anything.. Honestly, I think it'll make both of you appreciate each other more."

Of course she had a point. Leila was always the rational one. I couldn't remember the last time I made a major life decision without her input.

"I know," I nodded. "I'm being a total pussy and I know that but it's just a shitty situation."

"It's more shitty than that time you were _literally _covered in shit," she nodded, stifling a laugh. "But you can't avoid it... What would you tell me to do, if I were you?" She asked me.

I laughed. "A few months ago if someone explained this sort of situation to me I'd say 'fuck that, stay with Phil'," I laughed. "But when you're thrown into the situation it's a much different thing and I mean, who knows. He might not even be as serious as I am about him. He's younger than me and he's got so much potential. Maybe this is what's supposed to happen. Not saying that this is supposed to break us up or whatever but-" I sighed loudly and ruffled my hands through my already insane hair. "Ugggh! I don't know. Fuckery. Complete fuckery."

"Cat, you are so fucking delusional," Leila rolled her eyes. "Seriously, are you still drunk? He's so into you that it's disgusting. I wish you could have seen him when you two were.. mad at each other. He was like a lost puppy or something. He wants you, but he also wants you to live _your _life, and not live your life around him. I totally understand where you're coming from, but.. Dude, it's People Magazine! It's a badass job! I'll be _your _peasant, if you take it," she laughed

I had to laugh along with her. No matter how shitty something was Leila could usually make me laugh about it.

"Dude, I hate sounding like one of those girls who is like basing her whole life on a dude or some shit. It's really not just that. I haven't lived away from you since I was 19 fucking years old. You're pretty much my family and now I've got you, Phil and Dan. We're this dysfunctional family and I'm going to be so far from you guys. I know that's not an excuse not to take the job either but that's what makes this so difficult."

"Not to undermind your situation, but how do you think _I _feel about that?!" Leila laughed, "I mean seriously? You've pretty much raised me. I was like an infant latched to your teet.. Actually, I'm still like that.. and I want to be a selfish cow and cling to your leg and beg you to take me to work with you, but, dude, this is huge! This is just like the opportunity I had to go to London. You never once told me to stop and think about anything but what I _really _wanted. I'll miss you, we'll all miss you, but it's not like we won't ever see each other.. January is just around the corner."

I fell back on the bed again and grabbed the blanket before wrapping it over my head. "I will take everything you've said into serious consideration before I make a decision," I told her, my voice muffled because of the blankets. "Can we stop talking about this because all this serious business plus me with no caffeine and me with a hangover is making me want to just take a big shit on the floor or something."

Leila sighed and about three seconds later I could feel her yanking the cover off of me, "Yes, we can. What would you like to talk about?"

I opened my eyes and peeked over at her. "How big Phil's dick is?" I started laughing before I could even finish the question.

Leila gasped, "How did you know that I wanted to talk about his penis?!" she asked.

I laughed even harder. "I didn't. I've just been genuinely interested and somehow forgot to ask you about it."

"Yeah, same here. We haven't even had the chance to swap sex stories! What have they done to us?"

"We're too busy having sex with them to discuss the sex?" I laughed. "I don't know. I really do not know what he has done to me but it's mind blowing. The sex is also mind blowing. Holy fuck."

"Phil is... incredible," Leila sighed as she collapsed beside me on the bed. "He makes this really, really intense eye contact like the entire time. My panties are drenching just from the thought of it."

"Oh my God! Dan does that too!" I slapped my hands down on the mattress. "He gets this look in his eyes that make me feel just-" I wiggled my arms around. "Like he's just consuming me or something. It's bizarre and amazing and DAMN it's good."

"Does Dan talk dirty to you?" she asked, glancing over at me, "The first time Phil and I went at it was after our first fight," she frowned a little then smiled, "I'd never had make up sex before, and damn! I can see why people like it so much. I think it was even better since it was the first time we did anything... Anyways, you've gotten me all a.d.d. Phil dirty talks," she laughed.

"Dude, I think you and Phil have had more sex than me and Dan," I laughed. "Dan tends to be very dominant and pretty quiet but when I attacked him last night. Oh shit. That was insane. He was not quiet at all," I laughed. "I'm getting flustered just thinking about it."

"UGH! Me too! I just want to hump his fucking face!" Leila groaned as she thrust her hips in the air. "See, horny 15 year old," she shook her head. "I think it has a lot to do with how much I care about him though, you know?"

I cracked up laughing when she humped the air. "Mayday, mayday. Lele's hormones are out of control." I reached over for my bottle of water and opened it before taking another sip. "I think that having the feelings you have for him definitely has something to do with it. It makes it all more intense."

Out of nowhere - and I mean NOWHERE, Dan and Phil popped around the corner of the room, both of them carrying bags of food, and both of them sporting two of the biggest grins I'd ever seen on either of their faces.

Leila gasped and slapped her hand over her mouth, probably close to having a heart attack because neither of us had even heard them come in.

I started laughing because I knew that look from Dan and knew he had heard what we said. "Oh yes. Now they've got big egos about their penis powers. Exactly what we need."

"Oh yes, we heard every bit of that," Dan laughed as he made his way towards me after sitting the food down and bent over. "Do you want to know a secret?" he asked before popping a kiss against my lips.

"A secret?" I asked, fully expecting him to make some clever joke about his dick. "Your penis is 2 foot long and glowing blue?" I laughed.

"That's common knowledge," he laughed. "The secret is, I love you too," he smiled, then popped another kiss against my lips, like he had said that a million times before - then went back towards the table where the food was sitting.

I just sat there completely frozen. Had I just heard that correctly? I looked over at Leila and Phil who were just staring at me and grinning the huge 'I ship it' sort of grins. If that makes any sense whatsoever.

I turned to look at Dan who was just pulling food out of bags like nothing big had happened. How the fuck did he know I loved him? He said 'I love you too'.

What the hell was going on?

I decided pretty quickly that the answers to all of those questions didn't matter. I crawled off of the bed and walked up to him before throwing my arms around his shoulders and pulling his face down to mine. I kissed him in a way that no one should ever kiss their boyfriend around other people. No fucks were given at all.

He returned the kiss just as passionately without any hesitation. His left hand was tangled in the back of my hair while his right pulled my body completely against his. Had Leila and Phil not been in the room, I would've probably been half naked by that point.  
"Can I get pregnant from this?" I heard Leila ask.


	13. I Just Wanted In-and-Out Burger

**Phil's POV**

A week after the very interesting convention we'd gone to we had another meet up that a few YouTubers who lived in and around LA were attending as well. The girls didn't come with us which a lot of the fans weren't thrilled with but since it was a 2 day event we promised we'd bring them the next day. I thought it was hilarious that we'd all worried so much about the reaction to Leila and Cat becoming part of Phan because of the Phandom and now we were being asked why they weren't around us if we were recognized in public.

Dan and I found a random mall to explore in since we were killing time before the girls got done having their bff day or whatever they called it. I was on a mission to find a good candy store so I could stock up on Reese's and Flips before we flew back to London in a few days.

"Why are there so many bloody health food stores?" I asked as we walked by another one. I wanted some sugar and unhealthy deliciousness!

"Because of cows like you," Dan laughed, pointing his camera at me. Of course he was filming all of this. If he wasn't filming, he was eating or doing something with Cat that I don't want to think about. "Zebra. Hach. Hach. Hach," he said for no reason. "Cooooow."

"I'm going to tell Cat that you called me a cow," I threatened. It was nice to have someone I knew would give him a good slap for things like that.

"I'm sure she'll see the video, Phil," Dan turned the camera around on his face, "Won't you, Whiskers?" he smiled then turned it back around towards me. "Just so you know, I happen to like it when she punishes me," he wiggled his eyebrows.  
"Oh God, Dan!" I covered my ears and made a disgusted face. "Your fans do not want to hear about things like that." I paused and laughed. "What am I saying? Of course they want to hear about things like that."  
"That's right," I could literally feel him zooming the camera in on my face, "They'd also like to hear you say things like that. Come on Phil, get saucy for the Phandom!"  
"Kumquat," I grinned while looking into the camera lens. "There might be little kids watching!"  
"Cum-twat?! Phil, you sick bastard!" Dan gasped. "I can't believe you just said that when there _might be little kids watching!_" he mocked me in a high pitched voice.  
"I'm not even talking to you anymore," I laughed, shaking my head as I attempted to walk ahead of him. "Finally!" I found a candy store and it was HUGE. "The promised land!" I held my hands out towards it before walking into the store.  
The had rows and rows of those giant plastic containers where you could scoop out your own candy into big bags. My luggage back to LA was about to become about one hundred pounds heavier because of the candy and me turning into a lard ass.

"You're going to be morbidly obese one day," Dan said as he moved his camera around the chop. "OH! American Maltesers!" he gasped and ran towards a stack of candy called Whoppers. "I just love malted balls, don't you Phil?"

"No. I love WIRES!" I said dramatically as I picked up one of the bags to pick out candy. "Oh glob! They have white chocolate Reese's? Is this real life?"

Yes. I was that excited.

"No, it's all a dream," Dan smacked his hand against the back of my head, "Or maybe it's not."

"Dan!" I ducked to get away from him. "Stop interrupting my moment!" I scolded as I continued scooping mini-Reese's into my bag. "We should probably get something for the girls too. Do you know which sort of candy Cat likes? Kit Kat bars?" I laughed.

"She likes my malted balls," Dan laughed. "Okay, I should turn this off before it gets rated R," he said then turned the camera off and put it back into his pocket. "Really though, she likes malted balls."  
"Of course she does," I laughed. "She is the female version of you. I think I like her a bit more though." I quickly moved down the aisle before I got a malted ball launched towards my head. I spotted the gummy bears so I grabbed a bag and started scooping some in for Leila since those were her favorites.  
"That's funny, Phil, because I like her more than I like you," he mused as he grabbed a bag and started filling it with Whoppers.  
"Can I just start eating these now? Like, will I get into trouble?" he asked but then popped a few of them in his mouth anyways.  
I rolled my eyes as I tied off the bag of gummy bears. "They charge you by how much your bag weighs so I think that's technically stealing," I laughed. "Please, do not get us in trouble. Cat going to jail was enough jail experience for all of us and we both know Leila would kick your ass if I ended up in jail with you."  
"Oowwps," he replied with his mouth full of 'malted balls', "I don't think she could half the damage with her fists Cat can do with her eyes alone." Dan tied his bag up and followed behind me, scanning the candy.  
"It's not like she's a laser cat or anything," I laughed. "Leila is strong. Trust me. It's sort of scary. I never want to see her truly pissed off. Well, I kind of do because I'm sure it'd be sexy."

"Damn it! Why do you always have to say stuff like that when I'm not filming you?" Dan whined like a little kid. "You're probably right, the quiet ones are always the scary ones. I'm still waiting for you to flip your shit though."

"I don't flip my shit," I told him for what felt like the 100th time in our friendship. "Not all of us have all sorts of repressed issues and anger issues that make us punch laptops."  
"The normal people do," he laughed. "Seriously, Phil, I think it's unhealthy to be so calm about everything _all _the time. It might do you some good to get nice and angry and punch a laptop."  
"I'm not punching my Macbook!" I looked at him like he was insane. "Do you see any Flips anywhere? I NEED them! What time is it? I wonder when the girls are coming back. Oh God. I think I just developed a.d.d out of nowhere."  
"Your Macbook just hasn't pissed you off enough to do it yet. That bloody laptop deserved it," Dan said seriously as he fished his phone out of his pocket. "Oh, a message from my girlfriend," he smiled genuinely. It was so weird to see him like that over a girl. "Hey baby, we're here. Well, in Victoria's Secret. Come find us and I'll model some sext times clothes for you."  
I nearly dropped both bags of my candy. "Screw the Flips. Let's pay for this and go. If she's trying on stuff then so is Leila." The thought of that alone was enough to make me want to go ahead and take her back to our hotel room.  
Yes. I think of things like that. Obviously.  
After Dan and I paid for our candy we made our way through the mall quickly and probably looked like crazy people trying to find the store. We finally managed to find it and I guess neither of us thought about how we might get odd looks being two guys that look the way we do walking into Victoria's Secret.  
"Do you see them anywhere?" I asked while trying to keep eyes off of all the tiny lacy things I wanted to see Leila in so I could actually find Leila.  
"See who? Ohhh, no," Dan laughed as he looked up from lacy things that I refused to lay my eyes on, apparently getting mental images of his own about Catherine. "It smells so good in here," he sniffed the air as he glanced around the crowded store. And of course, people were staring at us. And of course, Dan had to call attention to it, "Oh meh, gah, Phi, how do you think this would look on me?" he asked in a girly voice as he picked up a random, I don't even know what it was but it was pink and lacy.  
"Oh God," I stared at him like he was insane before turning and walking away from him as quickly as possible. Thank God, I finally saw Leila staring up at a wall that was covered in different types of bras. I walked up behind her and wrapped my arms around to her stomach before dipping my head down and kissing the side of her neck. "Decisions, decisions," I said as I looked up at the bras with her. "Personally, I like you in black."  
She jumped a bit but started laughing when she heard me talking, "Oh yeah? I was torn between black and red," she commented, putting her hands over mine.  
"Oh, meh, gah, Phi, are you like, cheating on meh," Dan said loudly as he came up behind us, still talking in his girl voice. "Where's Cat?" he asked in his normal voice, which got us even more strange looks from people.  
"Over here, weirdo," I heard Cat call out from a few feet away. I brought my attention back to Leila.  
"So, get the red one and the black one. I think you'll look sexy in either. They'll look sexier on the floor though," I laughed at myself. "That was a good one. I've always wanted to say that."  
"Sexier on the floor, huh?" Leila raised her brows as she glanced up at me, "You're just knocking them back," she laughed then stepped away from me to find her size.  
"Oh SAUCY!" I heard Dan from across the room and felt very embarrassed for Cat.  
"Do you want a sneak peek or would you rather wait until later to see what I picked out?" she asked as she turned back to face me, gesturing to the lace and frill that was hanging over her arms.  
"I think I'd rather wait until later when I am able to act on the feelings that seeing you or even thinking of you in any of that will bring out," I told her before leaning down and kissing her lips. "I got you a giant bag of gummy bears, by the way."  
"Awww," Le smiled. "I thought about you too. You've got a bag of Flips in the car waiting on you, though I'm sure you already found some," she laughed.  
I gasped pretty loudly. "Are you serious?" I asked, trying very hard not to start jumping up and down like a fangirl. "I haven't been able to find them! You wonderful woman." I pressed my lips against hers again and then gave her two quick pecks on the corners of her mouth before stopping. Normally I hated PDA but for some reason with her I couldn't control myself. Especially when she did awesome things like that.  
"I think those Flips have you more excited than thoughts of me wearing next to nothing," Leila chuckled as she watched me more or less spazz out in front of her. She popped another kiss against my lips before leading me away from the wall of bras. "So have you two been having fun together?" she asked as she looked up at me.  
"Of course," I replied. "I've been trying to just keep him busy. I think he's been hiding behind the camera a lot so he doesn't have to talk about things but he seems to be in good spirits."  
I felt badly for Dan. I couldn't imagine leaving LA in a few days without Leila on the plane next to me. I had no idea of how Dan would handle leaving without Cat if she decided to stay and take the job.  
"It doesn't work that way with girls," Leila laughed. "Even though Cat and I aren't really girls.. We sit and dissect every little detail over and over again. Life would probably be a lot easier if we handled everything like men. Well, not everything, but you know. Ignoring problems and such."  
"No, he'll explode at some point. He won't be able to hold it all back. Trust me, I know him." I didn't even want to think about that.  
"What would you like to do after this?" I asked as I reached over and pushed a piece of hair away from her eyes.  
"You," she looked up at me with seductive eyes as a teasing smile curved her lips. "But I suppose I can wait until after we eat. We're both going to need something to give us some energy."  
I poked my bottom lip out and pulled my best pitiful face. "Do we have to eat? I'd rather eat something on you anyway."  
"I would say the same thing back to you, but then I would feel like one of the girls in the Phan tag," she laughed. "And yes we do. What kind of a girlfriend would I be if I only let you eat candy?" she asked, tilting her head a bit. "And when did you become such a minx? I swear, it's like you've gotten more and more naughty over the last month. Not that I'm complaining," she held her hand up as we got in line to pay for her lingerie.  
"I've always been this way I'm just rather good at hiding it and I don't exactly care to be this way around Dan. You see it because you're my girlfriend and the person I want to do the naughty things with," I whispered the last part in her ear before kissing her neck just below her earlobe.  
"Phil is being a miiiiiiinx!" I heard Cat say and turned around to see her and Dan standing behind me and both of them were loaded down with underwear and bras.  
"Uh, Dan?" I laughed and Cat did as well.  
"His arms are full of what he picked out for me. This was not my choice."  
"It is your fault though," Dan nodded. "If you hadn't looked so bloody good in all of it we wouldn't be having this conversation right now, and I wouldn't be getting all of these odd looks," he said the last part rather loudly, yet again calling even more attention to himself and the situation.

"You're also getting looks because you're a tall, loud British kid," I informed him as I leaned against the counter while Leila paid for her things. "Where are we going to eat, sweetheart?" I asked her.

"Noms!" Cat squealed which also made people stare but of course she and Dan remained unphased by it.

"I have been craving an In-and-Out burger since we got here," she told me then looked at Catherine and laughed. "Are you two coming?!" she asked sounding excited. "Oh, I want a strawberry milkshake too! Woah, so A.D.D!"

"In-and-Out, In-and-Out!" Cat bounced around.

"You're just opening the door for Dan to make some sort of perverted comment," I laughed. "I'd love to eat there as well. We haven't been since we got here. Can we get it to go though?"  
"Phil wants to fill up Leeeeleeeee," Cat sang in a creepy, whispery sort of voice.  
"Ugh, have I told you how much I bloody love you today?" Dan asked before leaning down and kissing Catherine, "You make the rude comments so I don't have to. It's so amazing."  
"Yay! In-and-Out BURGERS!" Leila said, sounding so much like Cat that it was weird. "We can get it to go, I don't care. I just want to insert one into my mouth and go to town on it!"  
I literally had to bite down on my bottom lip to keep from saying something about the way she phrased that. I cleared my throat. "In-and-Out burger it is."  
"Yeah we gotta hurry so Phil can get in and outta that pussy!" Cat said as she reached over and slapped Leila's ass.  
Leila burst into laughter, which caused what what left of the people in the store who weren't staring at us, to look at us like we were all mentally deficient. Though, I don't think any of us cared at that point. "Now I'm HORNGRY! Need a burger and a shake and Phil inside of me. FUCK," Leila exclaimed, looking quite frustrated.  
Now the entire mall was staring at us.  
"What the fuck! Why doesn't this ever happen when I'm filming?!" Dan groaned.  
Cat was literally doubled over laughing so hard tears were streaming down her face. Why did the 4 of us seem to just be like a bloody train wreck everywhere we went?  
"Oh God," I laughed, shaking my head. "We need to pay for this stuff and get the hell out of here."  
Thankfully we all made it out of the store without actually being kicked out for acting like juvenile delinquents. I grabbed Leila's hand as we walked through the mall together and Cat and Dan were walking along side us doing the same.  
"We look like those couples everyone hates," I laughed as I brought Leila's hand up to my lips and kissed her knuckles.  
"It's because we are," Leila laughed and put her free hand on my arm, pulling me a little bit closer. "Seriously, I used to think couples like this were so disgusting. Maybe I was just a bitter peasant back then," she shrugged.  
"Ugh, look at that couple over there, Dan," Cat started speaking in a horrible valley girl voice. "They're like all over each other. That's so gross. Gawd."  
I looked over at them before leaning down and kissing the top of Leila's head.  
"Ew! Did you see that?" Cat pointed at us with her eyes all massive. "Get a room," she flipped her hair over her shoulder.  
"None of us should be allowed in public together," I sighed.  
"Like, Oh Em Gee, Cat, you're just like, jealous, cause like, my boyfriend, kisses the top of my head, and like looks, so much hotter than your boyfriend, when he like does it. DUH," Leila said in the same voice then rolled her eyes. "I can't even be around that tragic betch," she moved her hand off of my arm and held it up dismissively. "What is my life right now?" Dan laughed. "Seriously, I don't even know what to say to this mess."  
"I have no idea," I laughed, shaking my head. It was hard to even imagine what life was like before these two random girls busted into our world. They were always making us laugh.  
"We're so amazing," Cat flipped her hair again and then bumped into Leila with her hip. "You're so amazing I'd rub my vag all over your vag for free."  
"Oh God!" I said in a bit too much of a high pitched voice. Sometimes they still caught me off guard. "You two are just- I don't even know," I laughed.  
"LIKE, OH, MY GOD!" - What the? That didn't come from Leila or Cat.  
"It's like Amazing Phil and Dan is not on fire! But like, he is on fire cause he's like so hot!"

I honestly could not tell if these girls were forreal or if they were joking while I stared at them standing in front of the four of us bouncing around and not in the cute way Leila and Cat always did.

That was mean.

"Uh, hey guys!" I waved, trying to be nice.

"Holy shit! We watch you guys like all the time," one of the girls told us while simultaneously smacking on a piece of gum.

"Totally. Like everyday," the other one added.

"Oh, awesome! Thanks!" I gave them a thumbs up because I'm awkward as hell and they were like aliens to me.

"Oh, my God! Can we get pics with you guys?!" One of them asked, while the other kind of looked at Leila and Cat with disapproving eyes. Though, unlike most of our Phans, who knew who they were, or were at least curious to find out, they didn't mention them.

"Uh sure," Dan sat the bags we was carrying down, and I'm guessing he wanted Cat to take the pictures.

"Okay, like we want group shots and like single pics, is that okay?" the one who had been giving the girls the stink eye asked.

"Phil, you're like soooooo hot! OH! Can you make some animal noises for us?!" the other blurted out sounding as stupid as she looked.

"Uhhhhh." I looked over at Leila like 'please, God. help me'. "Rawwr?" I made a lame lion sounding noise and they both started giggling like crazy.

"Yeah, so. Do y'all want me to take the pictures?" Cat asked them and I figured they wouldn't be able to tell she was annoyed but I could and it made me want to laugh.

"Uh yeah, be like, be super careful with my camera. It was like reallllyyyy expensive. Kelly, how does my hair look?" she asked the girl called Kelly as she flung her blonde hair over her shoulder, which smacked Cat in the face in the process.

My mouth popped open and I immediately had a flash back of Cat's fist making contact with that Medusa lady's nose. Her eyes got really, really big and she took in a deep breath through her nose as she glanced from Leila, to Dan, and then to me. She literally was biting down on her lip to keep from saying something and that just made me want to laugh even more.  
"It looks hot!" the Kelly chick replied as she took her spot beside Dan and pretty much looked like she was trying to climb him like a tree.  
Leila was just standing there with her arms folded over her chest watching all of this unfold. I was waiting for her to just attack like a very angry lioness on the prowl.  
The other girl got next to me and she wrapped her arms around my midsection before hugging herself up to me like she'd known me for years. I awkwardly put my arm around her shoulder.  
"Alright, 1, 2-" Cat counted before pressing the button and the flash went off.  
All of the sudden I found myself being turned around and then I felt lips against mine. The lips were NOT Leila's. They were covered in sticky gloss that smelled like play doh or something. I was in complete shock. My entire body froze up. I mean, I'd had my face licked before but this? This had never happened.  
"What the-" I heard Leila's voice followed immediately by the sound of things hitting the ground and footsteps rushing towards us. "YOU TRASHY FUCKING PLASTIC NOSED VALLEY CUNT!" she screamed, and I could feel the girl's body being jerked away from my side.  
"What the hell!" the girl yelped, "Who are you?!" she demanded.  
"I'm HIS, fucking girlfriend, you tragic bitch!" Leila shoved the girl back a good two feet, and promptly stomped towards her again.  
"Leila, calm down, babe," I heard Cat say as she walked up behind her with an extremely worried expression.  
My first instinct was to stand in front of the girl who had kissed me and I held my arms out in front of me. "Leila, sweetheart. Calm down. It's not worth it. You don't want to make a scene." I tried to speak calmly to her. I didn't want her to end up in a shitty situation that everyone online would find out about.  
"Fuck that!" Leila yelled, swatting at my hands, "Move, before I fucking punch YOU in the face!"  
"Leila!" I raised my voice for the first time ever in front of her or Cat. "Calm the fuck down! The last thing you need right now is to end up in jail." I felt horrible as soon as I stopped speaking. I never yelled unless I was scared or acting stupid.  
"Oh shit," Cat said in a very shocked sounding voice. I'm not sure if she was saying that because of me or Leila at that point.  
"Don't you fucking tell ME to calm DOWN, PHIL!" Leila raised her voice even louder, "That nasty bitch is going to get it, I don't give a fuck!" she lunged towards me, which cause me to go back, backing the girl against the wall behind her.  
"Quit fucking protecting her! Move, NOW!" she growled, her chest bumping against mine, her hands, or fists rather, swinging aimlessly.  
"Kelly! Get this psycho away from me!"  
"I'M ABOUT TO SHOW YOU PSYCHO, BITCH!"  
"Hey! Hey! What's going on here?" A security guard came walking up and I just knew we were totally fucked.  
"Nothing! Nothing at all. We were just leaving, right Leila?" Cat said as she stepped up and grabbed the back of Leila's shirt to pull her backwards. "Come the fuck on. If you kick that cunt's ass she's gonna sue you for everything you have. Just take comfort in the fact that she probably has giant meat curtain labias and you don't."  
Honestly. Where did she come up with stuff like that?  
I stepped away from the girl and the security guards stepped up with their hands on their hips trying to look all official. The two girls hid behind them which was pretty smart if you ask me.  
"Ha! Bitch! What are you going to do now?" the girl who had kissed me taunted once she knew she was safe.  
Cat and Dan both literally had to wrap her arms around Leila to keep her from going after her again.

"FUCK YOU!" Leila screamed, throwing her middle finger up once she realized there was no way she was getting loose from Dan and Cat's grasp. "You're talking big now that I can't get to you, you stupid cunt!"

"Well it was your boyfriend who was protecting me! Keep that in mind, bitch!" the girl smiled.

"Oh hell no. I'm about to end up back in jail," Cat said as she started marching towards where the girls were standing but thankfully Dan grabbed the back of her pants and pulled her back over to him.

"Come on. Let's just go, please," I said to Leila as I bent down to pick up the bags that she had dropped.

"Don't you fucking speak to me!" Leila yelled at me as she turned away and looked at Cat.

Dan still had his hand in Cat's belt loop, pulling her away and still had his arm latched around Leila - all the while holding the bags he had been carrying - as he looked at me, and for the first time in the entire time that I had known him, he looked completely mind fucked. I think he was too afraid to say anything out of fear of what one of the girls might do to him.

I couldn't really focus on that though. All I could focus on was how hearing Leila yell at me like that made it feel like someone punched me in the gut. "Let's just get them out of here," I sighed as I walked over to Dan and people stared at the two guys with emo fringe carrying the pissed off girls out of the mall.

"Let the fuck go of me, Dan!" Leila snapped and jerked away from him. For a split second I thought she was going to turn around and go back to finish what the girl started, but she didn't, she just stomped away, out of the mall and across the parking lot, Cat following behind her.

"What in the actual fuck just happened?" Dan looked at me with wide eyes as we walked across the pavement.

I shook my head, completely baffled by everything that had just happened and by the way Leila was acting. "I really have no bloody idea. I have never seen her act that way."

"You pegged it right though, she is scary. That was way fucking worse than when Cat went to jail, and she didn't even touch her!" Dan said, his voice a little quieter than before as we were getting closer to the girls

"I know!" I said in a hushed voice. "I mean, I know she has told me that when she gets mad it's scary but that was like Disney villain on crack scary and I think she's pissed off at me but I stopped her from hitting that girl because the last thing she needs with all this book and movie stuff going on is to end up in jail."

Cat turned away from Leila and started walking towards me. I didn't like the look on her face too much. "Le and I are gonna take a separate cab to the hotel. She needs a few minutes to calm down. I don't think you two want to be in an enclosed space with her right now."

"Leila, what do I do?" I asked, completely lost.

She shrugged. "Dude, I don't know but right now you should probably leave her alone. All she has in her head is some skank sucking your lips off and you trying to keep her from smacking said skank. It doesn't make her too happy."

I opened my mouth to speak and Cat held up her hand.

"I know you were protecting her. Just go back to the hotel and I'll get her there in a little bit."

She walked over to Dan and stood up on her tip toes before kissing his lips. "Love you, babe. I'll see you at the hotel."

"Mmm, love you," he said before pulling away from her. "Please, try to stay out of jail, and keep her out of jail too," Dan said seriously. It was weird to see Dan that serious.

Cat nodded and made her way back to Leila, and I desperately wanted to follow her, but I knew it would be a bad idea. We waited around in the parking lot for them to catch their cab before we got in one of our own.

"I think I'm going to have a panic attack," I told Dan as we stepped onto the elevator in the hotel. I had no idea of what kind of mood Leila was going to be in when I got there if she was even there yet. "What would you do?"

"If Cat were trying to attack some girl who had just sucked my face?" Dan asked. He looked around and shrugged, "Probably the same thing you did, honestly," he answered me.

"Being a boyfriend is so complicated sometimes," I rubbed the side of my face as we stepped out onto our floor. "Not saying I don't like it. I love it. I just don't like being afraid that my girlfriend might beat the shit out of me when I walk through that door in a few seconds. We have like scary, strong gang member type girlfriends, Dan!"

I was honestly debating on going in Dan and Cat's room and hiding under the bed until I knew that I was safe from being killed or something.

"I don't think she's going to beat you," Dan laughed. "She had the chance to punch you a few times and she didn't. She was more concerned about going after that girl. Bloody hell, Phil. You _always _end up the most fucked up situations! I can't believe that girl just kissed you like that, and then Leila turned into the bloody Hulk." I was glad to ass that Dan found such humor in my misfortune. "It'll be okay. Those two level each other out. Cat's probably already talked her down."

I took a deep breath as I pulled my key card out of my back pocket. "I hope so. Keep your phone near you in case I need back up," I told him while we started walking our separate ways to go to our rooms.

I stood outside my door for a few seconds before finally realizing I was being a giant pussy. I unlocked the door and walked in, closing the door softly behind me. "Leila?" I called out as I walked further into the room.

Just as I rounded the corner where the bed was at I saw her sitting on the edge of it and I'm sure my eyes got really big.

Because the size tag on my shirt was bigger than anything she was wearing.

Skimpy black lace hardly covered her chest. She was wearing one of those sexy corset things that had straps dangling from it, that was connected to a pair of fishnet pantyhose, topped off by a pair of black heels.

She was leaning back a bit with her legs crossed, her weight resting on her palms as she looked up at me without saying a word.

My mouth was hanging open as I openly stared at her. This was not what I was expecting to walk in and see. I was preparing for a fight but this did not look like an outfit choice for yelling at me.

"Uhhh," my genius brain pushed that out instead of actual words. "Are you okay, sweetheart? I mean, I know you look okay-" I trailed off figuring it was best if I let her explain herself before I started addressing the fact that my pants were starting to get uncomfortably tight in the crotch area.

"Take off your pants," she said neutrally, tilting her head as her eyes lingered over me.

Once again I just stood there and stared at her. This time I was wondering if I had heard her correctly. The expectant look in her eyes told me I had. I sat the bags down on the floor before kicking my shoes off. After undoing my belt I unbuttoned and unzipped my pants and pushed them down before stepping out of them.

Once I'd kicked them away, Leila was on her feet, stepping towards me. Holy hell, she looked so hot. I don't know how I never noticed how long her legs were before - or maybe it was just those heels that emphasized them. I mean, she was nearly as tall as me in them.

She put her hands on my chest and started unbuttoning my shirt, never once taking her eyes off of mine - she was looking at me with the same hint of seduction that she had in the store before any of the rubbish happened with that random plastic nosed valley cunt, as she had called her.

Once my shirt was open, she ran her hands down my chest, her eyes still on mine, "See this as my apology and your punishment," she said as she stepped in, her lips pressing against mine as her hands slid down to my hips and onto my briefs, tugging them down before her hand groped at my bulge.

Oh holy hell. Was this actually happening? I was so shocked I actually didn't return her kiss for a few seconds. Her hand groping at my dick, however, pulled me out of that. I immediately moved my hands behind her and grabbed her ass before pulling her closer against me as I kissed her back.

My boxers fell down to my ankles and her hands moved up my chest and onto my shoulders, where she started pushing my shirt off of my arms. Much to my dismay I had to move my hands away from her so that I could let it fall to the floor next to the rest of my clothes.

Once it was gone though, they were right back where they had been, squeezing her ass. She cocked a leg up and around my hip, pushing me against the table where all of our things were sitting.

No fucks were to be given as they fell onto the floor.

Not even about the several bags of candy that I knew had probably just been crushed into tiny little pieces.

My back pushed up against the wall behind me, Leila straddled me. Apparently her little get up hadn't come with a pair of underwear. Or she wasn't wearing them. Whatever the fuck the case was, I could feel _her_.

She kissed me aggressively - more aggressively than ever, and usually I didn't like that kind of thing, but she was fucking attacking me and it was hot - her long fingers tangling up in my hair.

I gripped her hips and pushed mine up towards hers just wanting to feel some kind of friction. I couldn't remember ever wanting anything more than I wanted to be inside of her in that moment. I broke the kiss and trailed along her jaw line with my lips while I slipped my hand between us and rubbed my fingertips along her pussy which was already very, very wet. "Damn, Leila," I whispered against her ear as I slipped two fingers into her tight entrance. I think my dick was immediately jealous because I could feel it throbbing with each of my frantic heartbeats.

I slid my fingers deeper inside of her slowly before curling them to hit that spot that I knew drove her insane.

"Fuck," she moaned against my neck, her teeth grazing lightly across it as she pulled my hair and forced her hips in against me, my fingers slipping a little further inside of her.

I could feel her get even more wet with that one, seemingly simple, movement. Her teeth clenched down against my skin and her lips enclosed around them as she slid her hand down my chest and stomach and onto my cock. She wrapped her hand around it and squeezed it as she moved it up and down against it, rubbing it against her clit.

My head tipped backwards and hit the wall with a low thud sound. The feeling of her wet heat rubbing over me like that was almost enough to make me lose it right there. I pulled my fingers away from her and used my other hand to cup her chin and make her look at me before I slipped the fingers that had been inside of her into my mouth. I moaned quite loudly because of how good she tasted. "My favorite flavour," I whispered before slipping my hand into the back of her hair. I leaned my head forward as if I was going to kiss her but instead of tugged at her hair to make her head tip back and pressed my lips against the side of her neck.

My other hand found hers which was still wrapped around my cock and I pulled her hand away before replacing it with my own. As I positioned myself at her entrance I opened my mouth and grazed my teeth over her skin, moaning softly against it as the head of my dick slipped slowly inside of her.

The hand that had been in my hair had slid down to my shoulder, while the other found my side, and as she leaned in against me, taking every inch of me, they gripped my skin so tight that I was probably going to be left with scars from her fingernails.

She moaned rather loud - much louder than she had before and immediately started to grind herself against me. Her face was buried against my neck by then, but she slowly pulled it away and looked down at my face, watching me with intent as she slid her hands onto my chest. Her lips were slightly parted, her face a bit contorted as she moved against me, her nails trailing down my chest and back up again, though this time they were digging in to me too hard.

Once they were on my shoulders, though, she clawed me. Using them to steady herself she rocked against my dick harder and faster, and her head slowly fell back as an ever louder moan escaped her throat.

My fuck, she was like a lioness roaring or some shit - only in a sexy, Leila way.

It was so fucking hot to see her behave this way, because she was usually so reserved.

"Holy shit, baby," I whispered breathlessly. My hands trailed over her insanely sexy body and I watched as my length slipped deep inside of her. I held onto her hips tightly and bit down on my bottom lip as I began helping her move against me. I pushed my hips up towards hers causing my length to push as deep inside of her as possible each time she moved down against me.

I kept my eyes on her face because I was mesmerized by the look in her eyes. I wasn't sure that I'd ever seen so much desire or lust in them before. I leaned forward and pressed my lips against hers making both of our moans get lost in the kiss.

As our hips continued to grind together, the table we were on moved with us and bumped against the wall. I may need to see what I can do to get it as a keepsake, because I could see this as being one of my favorite memories.

She caught my bottom lip between her teeth and tugged on it before going back in to kiss me again, only this time, she was in control of it, her mouth clothing over mine hungrily as she grabbed my hands from her hips. She laced her fingers through mine from the backs of my hands and forced my palms against her tits; forcing them to closer, they messaged against them and she broke from the kiss and let out another very loud moan.

I could feel her pussy tightening around my cock and she grinded herself harder against me, harder and faster, her moans growing louder and louder until she finally screamed.

I thought for a moment that she had came, but she didn't stop - she kept riding me, her head leaned all the way back as her pussy continued to clench around me. I could feel her cumming, over and over again.

I was completely in awe of her. She looked and sounded so sexy when she came like that and this was the first time she'd cum more than once. I slid my hands around to her back to hold her close to me while continuing to push my hips up to meet with her grinding against me so hard. "Does that feel good, baby?" I whispered against her lips before gently biting at her bottom lip.

I was close. Really close. I was shocked I'd lasted this long with her cumming over and over like that. I moved my hands down to her ass and started moving her faster and harder on me, my moans becoming even louder as well. You could hear the sounds of our bodies meeting mixed with our harsh breathing loudly in the room.

I was getting closer and closer to the edge. My body was trembling and in the back of my mind I hoped I wasn't hurting her by holding onto her so tightly.

"Cum with me," I whispered in a voice that was barely audible. It only took a couple more thrusts to push me over the edge. "Fuck!" I growled out, my head falling back and hitting the wall hard as I came deep inside of her and it was one of those orgasms that makes you feel like you might have just died but in the very best way possible.

Leila's back arched as one final loud moan left her lips, causing her entire body to tense up before it collapsed against mine, shaking as if she were cold; though I knew that was impossible, as we were both drenched in sweat.

"Oh.. my.. fuck," she panted loudly, her faced buried in the crook of neck, one of her shaky hands resting against my chest as the other trembled against the back of my neck. Then she did something that I wasn't expecting at all; her arms wrapped around me and she hugged me. "I'm sorry," came out of her so quietly and shakily and muffled against my neck that had I not been paying attention, I probably wouldn't have heard it.

I wrapped my arms tighter around her and turned my head to kiss the side of hers. "If a man expected an apology for something after getting _that_, then he would have some serious issues," I laughed. "I'm sorry though. I'm telling you, I'm like a weird situation magnet or something. I just didn't want you going to jail over some girl that would invade my personal bubble like that."

I could feel her body shake a little harder and soft laughter soon escaped her, "I know," she sighed, her voice still quiet and her words still muffled against my neck. "But I was so mean to you," she said squeezing me a little tighter before pulling away so that I could see her face. She put her hand on my cheek and brushed her thumb across the highest part of it, "I didn't mean it," she shook her head and then leaned in to place a soft kiss against my lips and slowly leaned back again, "And I just had nine orgasms, so.." she laughed very quietly and pressed her face against my chest. I'm guessing that she was at a loss for words about that.

"Bloody hell," I said in complete shock. "I knew it was a lot but NINE? That's amazing," I laughed. "I'm very proud of my penis right now." I ran my fingers through her hair and sighed. "I know you didn't mean it. It was a really screwed up situation and if anything I'm flattered that you were so angry over seeing someone else kiss me."

She laughed again as she sat back up to where I could see her face again, "I felt like such a lunatic, but seeing her-" she made a really disgusted face, "- I don't ever want to see anyone touch you like that," she cupped my cheek again, "You're mine," she concluded with a nod.

I brought one of my hands to her face and cupped her cheek as well. "That's right. I'm all yours and you're mine," I said before I leaned in and kissed her lips. "By the way, what you were wearing when I walked in was incredibly hot. I wouldn't mind many more Victoria's Secret adventures."

"Well, you said you liked me in black," she smiled. "And I can make that happen. Let's just hope it doesn't end in some girl-" she made that face again as she shook her head, "Although, that was the best make up sex yet," she laughed.

"What do you say to cuddling and eating some candy?" she proposed as she climbed off of me. From where I was sitting I could see how wobbly her legs were, and put her hands against the table to keep herself steady.

"That sounds amazing," I told her as I stood up and quickly walked over to her. I wrapped an arm around her midsection. "Here, let me help you out," I laughed as I bent down and hooked my other arm under her knees and picked her up. I kissed her cheek as I made my way over to the bed and sat her down on it.

After putting on a pair of pajama pants and a t-shirt, I gave her one of my t-shirts and sat down next to her with our collection of candy I'd gotten early that thankfully were still intact.

"Now I know why so many people have talked about make up sex before," I laughed as I pulled a gummy bear out of the bag and held it up to her lips.

She opened her lips to take the gummy and smiled at me as she quietly chewed it up, "Me too," she laughed and rested her head against my shoulder. "I never really got it until now, well the first time we had sex was make up sex, but this time.." she shook her head, "You really are amazing, Phil," she laughed.

"You're the amazing one, trust me," I told her before reaching into my bag of Reese's. As I was unwrapping it, I guess something in the perverted area of my mind decided to link a bunch of things together and a rather frightening thought occurred to me. I dropped the piece of chocolate and looked at Leila with what I'm sure was the 'Oh shit' face.

"We forgot to use a condom," I blurted out.


	14. Right In The Feels

**Leila's POV: **

Had I known that today would be _one of those days, _I wouldn't have left my bed. That way, I wouldn't have had to witness my boyfriend getting his face sucked off by some rando, expose my crazy to everyone, attack Phil on that table while engaging in the most amazing makeup sex imaginable, and most importantly, I wouldn't be looking at a bag from Walgreens that has the morning after pill inside of it.

We, as in, Catherine and I, were sitting at a table in the same Starbucks that we had _officially _met in five years ago. I knew her for ages before I 'actually knew her', but this is the first place we ever got to hang out at when we both moved out to Los Angeles.

I needed some time to process what had happened, and since Cat was the other half of my brain, I knew I wouldn't be able to do so without her.

"Dude," I sighed as I looked up at her for the first time since we'd gotten there, "What the fuck?" I laughed, shaking my head - because I am one of those people who laughs when it's really inappropriate to do so. Nothing about this was amusing.

Maybe I just had to laugh to keep myself from crying. Because the thought of being - or getting - pregnant made me want to curl into the fetal position and sob my eyes out.

No pun.

Cat was swirling her straw around in her drink and staring at me like she was trying to use some sort of mental powers to make me talk. "She finally speaks," she laughed before taking a sip of her drink. "Okay," she took a deep breath and leaned back on her chair. "I know this is some seriously scary shit but let's look at the facts here. The morning after pill has a very high success rate especially if taken before 24 hours after the oops moment and how many dumbasses bebop around having sex without protection but never get pregnant? Lots." She shrugged and then grinned at me. "And even if you were pregnant, oh my glob that kid would be so damn cute!"

Oops moment my ass. That was far beyond an oops moment. That was a 'what the fuck was I even thinking' moment.

Oh wait.

I wasn't thinking. Nor was Phil.

That's why it happened.

Cat had a point, but I couldn't see it - all I could see was 'what if.'

"Cat," I sighed and buried my face against my palms, "Cute or not, I am not ready for a kid.. I-" I sighed again and lifted my head up, but I didn't look at her. I looked at the bag on the table that pretty much concealed my fate. It was up to those two tiny little pills, and perhaps God, whether or not I would be - I couldn't even bring myself to _think _the word, let alone say it out loud.

"Leila, you're kinda freakin me out," Cat spoke softly as she tilted her head so she could get a better look at my face. "What's really going on in that head of yours? I mean, I know I'd be freaking out too but it seems like there's something more going on here."

"I'm stupid," I laughed again, shifting my eyes to meet with hers. "Seriously, Cat, you know me.. I don't do things like that. Ever. I _always _think before I do _anything, _but somehow-" I paused and shook my head, "I forgot to think?" I laughed again, shrugging.

Oh yes, Leila, attack your boyfriend and forget the fucking condom. Smart move, bro.

"Sweetie, these two have changed us," she laughed but she was totally serious. "I mean, think about it. Have you ever known me to stay holed up in our apartment for days just because of some guy being a jerk? No. It's the same with you and Phil and there's nothing wrong with that. Shit like this happens to couples all the time. You're happy and you're in love so you weren't thinking about anything else but him."

Until Cat said that - I hadn't really thought about it. Being _in love _with Phil, I mean. It was like the thought hadn't crossed my mind.

I knew I cared about him. A lot. But _love_?

"I'm not _in love _with him, Cat," I defended. Though, I'm not entirely sure how true that was. Love was a lot of things, patient, kind, never boastful, etcetera etcetera, but most of all, it was completely terrifying. "And there are loads of things wrong with that.. People - I shouldn't be so consumed by-" I sighed, frustrated that I couldn't explain what I was trying to say. "It shouldn't have happened. I should have been _thinking._"

She was silent for a few seconds as she continued fiddling with her straw in her drink. I hated when she did things like that. Even I couldn't tell what she was thinking. She finally looked up at me again. "I'm not you so obviously I can't tell you how you feel but I know you very well. I think you are in love with him. I think you've been in love with him but that part of your brain that's like, oh we haven't known each other long enough' keeps you from even thinking twice about it. I also think that that is scaring the shit out of you which I understand. I'm scared as hell and neither of us are exactly in positions where being in our first super serious relationship is ideal so that makes it scarier. But I don't want you to let this make you freak out and not enjoy your time with him. You deserve to be happy all the time."

Ugh, why, oh why, did she have to be right? It was like as the words poured out of her mouth they registered with my brain, the things I wouldn't allow myself to actively think about.

_We haven't known each other long enough. _Check

The only two times that I allowed myself to think about my feelings towards Phil, and how they _might _be more than whatever I was cutting them down to, I resorted to _that. _That we hadn't known each other long enough to feel that way.

But did love come with a time stamp? Some rule that outlined when it was acceptable to have those feelings for someone?

_Is now a good time to feel that way? _Check.

My life had pretty much just began, and _love _could screw everything up. I know, I know, that sounds horribly selfish.

I suppose my parents had rubbed off on me a bit, with their always-be-practical mindset on life.

"I am happy," I said after several minutes of silence and staring down at my cup of coffee. "Or I was.. No, I am, I'm-" I sighed and looked up at her, "I'm fucking scared," I said, and it could be heard in my voice and probably seen on my face too.

But now I wasn't just scared of possibly having Phil's sperm introduce itself to one of my eggs my fallopian tubes.

I was scared of how I felt. Or how I may have felt.

"And confused," I added.

She started biting her bottom lip which was something I knew she only did when she was nervous. "You're thinking about running, aren't you?" she asked, sounding like she didn't even want to say it out loud.

"What? No," I answered rather quickly as I looked back down at my coffee.

It was like looking at my entire life right now, looking down into that cup.

A black hole.

"Don't lie to me," she shook her head and ran her fingers through her hair. "Look, Le. I can't possibly know how you feel. This has never happened to me. But please just give it a few days. Everything feels better after you've had a good night's sleep, right? Just do not freak out and do anything stupid. You know you and I are the queens of doing that shit."

Sleep. Like that was going to happen.

"Obviously," I said without looking at her, "If I wasn't I wouldn't be sitting here right now," I commented to Cat's remark about being the queens of stupidity. After a moment or two and another sigh I looked up at her, "I'm not going to do anything."

She laughed. "Babe, I know it's hard for you to hear this but you are human and humans make mistakes. They make ones far worse than this one too. You shouldn't beat yourself up over it. I know that's pointless to say but I had to," she sighed and held her hand out with her pinky extended. "Pinky swear that you won't do anything crazy."

I stared at her pinky for a few seconds before laughing and pulling my hand from my lap, "I'm not sure that I could do anything crazier than what I've already done today," I said as I linked my pinky around hers. "But I pinky swear. Sane, rational Leila will do the rest of my thinking."

"Well don't just flat out lie," she laughed. "Sane Leila flew away long, long ago, sweetie." Her phone started ringing in her pocket and I had to laugh at that ridiculous ringtone she had of Dan singing about bananas.

"Yeeees?" she answered with a massive smile on her face. "We're at Starbucks...Mmhm...Yeah, we'll be back soon...Yes, being naked would be good."

What the hell kind of conversation were they having?"

"Okay, I love you too." She hung up and did a little dance in her seat before taking a sip of her drink.

"Do me a favor?" I began as I tilted my head, "Make sure he wears a condom."

She raised an eyebrow. "We never use condoms."

I stared at her like she was insane but then she finally laughed.

"I'm kidding," she grinned. "And I'm sorry, I know this might be wrong to say but it's really fucking funny to me that Dan and I are the spazzy couple out of this 4some and the responsible ones are who this happened to. It's ass backwards," she laughed.

I didn't waste a single second to toss a packet of sugar at her face, and as badly as I didn't want to laugh, I did. "You're telling me," I shook my head. "I don't understand how it even happened," I whined, "Neither of us stopped for even a second to think about anything. It was like, 'take off your pants and get on the table so I can rape you," I huffed, "Maybe gravity will be on my side for this."

She cracked up laughing. "I have the urge to sing Defying Gravity but I won't since we're in public. That sounds hot though. I wish I could've seen that," she giggled, referring to the table rape thing. "How did Phil react about the no condom thing when y'all realized it?"

"You know that face he makes when he's pretending to look shocked, like scared shocked?" I tried to make the same face, but I couldn't do it justice, "Like that, only he wasn't pretending," I told her, recalling it.

She poked her bottom lip out. "Awwww. Poor Phil. That face kills me," she laughed. "And he's not even my boyfriend. That could be like his ultimate weapon, I swear."

Her phone went off again and she picked it up to check it. "I think someone is lonely. I just got a picture message from Dan," she laughed and then facepalmed herself. "Speaking of using that face as the ultimate weapon." She turned her phone around so I could see a photo of Dan in full blown pout mode. "Ugh, he's so sweet," she said as she turned the phone around to look down at the picture again. She sighed while sitting it back down on the table. "I love him. A lot," she laughed.

I probably looked like I had just suckled a lemon as I stared at her after her last statement, "How can you just say that?" I asked, "That you love him? I mean you say it like you've been saying it your entire life and a week ago, you couldn't even stand the thought of saying it," I blurted out, still giving her the same look.

I kind of looked the same way one of those miserable hags looks every time she sees a cute couple or something.

She laughed as she propped her elbow on the table and put her chin on the palm of her hand. "I can't explain it," she shrugged. "It probably seems crazy but I just-" she shook her head as she attempted to think of what to say. "It's like as soon as I admitted it and he told me that he felt the same I just knew it was right and it didn't matter that we haven't known each other for a super long time or that someone on the outside might think we're moving too fast. I mean, everyone is different. Every relationship is different and people connect in different ways. We both know that Dan and I are pretty scarily perfect for each other."

"Hmmm," I rested my cheek against my palm and stared down at the coffee I still hadn't touched. What Cat said really didn't help matters at all. Why the hell did I even have to ask?

"Yeah, you two are scarily perfect for eachother... You compliment each other's insanity," I smiled weakly. "I mean that in a good way," I added.

"Thank you," she grinned. "You and Phil are perfect for each other too though. I've never seen your eyes just light up the way they do when he's around. It's so obvious that he loves you, Le."

I had to clench my teeth to keep the grimace that was threatening to expose itself at bay.

_That _wasn't helping either, "Is it?" I asked, trying to sound like I was interested, when in reality, it was the last thing I wanted to hear about. "He's a great guy," I nodded, my cheek still resting against my palm.

"Of course it's obvious," she replied with an eyebrow raised like she was judging me. I hated how she could see straight through me. "I think we should head back so you can be reminded of how great of a guy he is and take this pill so you'll feel more at ease."

"I don't know.. the side effects don't sound too good. I could have a stroke, an embolism, and very heavy bleeding," I said the few that I actually remembered as I stood up from the table. "Luckily I'd rather stroke out than be pregnant, so let the brain damage begin!" I sounded about as enthusiastic as I looked as I grabbed the bag and my cold coffee.

She stood up along with me and put an arm around my back as we walked out together. "Oh Le, you're as pleasant as a field full of fertilizer today," she told me before giving me a quick peck on the cheek. "Everything will be fine. It'll all work out for the best. It always does."

"I hope so," I smiled, and the two of us made our way out of the Starbucks. We opted against taking a cab. Well, I did. I told Cat I wanted to enjoy the warm air, when I really just wanted to prolong our journey. If Phil was as half as mentally screwed up as I was right now, I'm not sure I could face him.

But how could he not be? He might have been a couple of years older, but that didn't mean he was any more ready for this than I was.

Honestly, I'm not sure that anyone at any age is really ever ready for this to happen.

When we got back to the hotel I walked Cat to her room and was tempted to linger around for a bit, but the last thing I wanted to see was Dan's naked body. Although, he probably wouldn't have minded blinding me since he had walked in on Phil and I.

I took the elevator down to the lobby, then to the top floor before finally going to the floor we were staying on. I probably would have continued lurking on it, but the clock was ticking and I really needed to take the first dose of this Plan B.

When I finally got to our door, I crept into our room to find it silent. "Phil?" I called out - and for a few seconds I thought that he was gone. That he'd ran the fuck away from his batshit crazy and potentially knocked up girlfriend.

The bathroom door opened and he walked out holding his camera with a sheepish smile on his face. "I was making a video," he laughed as he sat the camera down on the table. "Are you okay? I was getting worried," he said as he walked up to me and leaned in to kiss my lips.

I slid an arm around him and instantly felt a little better - while simultaneously feeling a little worse. He was like this huge comfort to me, and I hadn't even realized it until having the conversation I had with Cat at Starbucks a little while ago. After pecking his lips I pressed my face against his chest and shrugged, "I guess, yeah," I nodded as I pulled away from him and held the bag up. "I haven't taken it yet.. I kind of thought you should be around for it," ugh, that sounded so stupid.  
Oh yeah, I need my boyfriend to hold my hand while I take high doses of birth control.  
"Of course. Whatever you want," he smiled down at me like wanting him to be with me for that wasn't stupid or anything which made him even more amazing in my book. "Why don't you go change into some pjs and get comfortable. I'll get you a Mountain Dew and we can watch a movie in bed, alright?"  
"Sounds good," I nodded, then turned away from him and went over to the table where my suitcase was sitting again.  
Fuck you, table.  
I sat the bag down on top of it and then started sifting through my luggage until I found a pair of pajama pants, then went straight into the bathroom.  
What Phil had been doing in here was beyond me, because there was toothpaste and shaving cream all over the sink. I laughed weakly at the sight of it then got changed and brushed my teeth.  
Once I was done I folded my clothes up and put them on the chair and grabbed my phone, which had a new alert on it, and the Walgreens bag and crawled across the bed. Settling under the covers I tapped the screen of my phone to see that my mom had texted me.  
She was doing the motherly thing and checking in on me; my, oh my, how mothers have the worst timing to ask you how you're doing.  
Great mom, you know, my boyfriend spread his baby batter all over my baking sheet. So I might have a bun in the oven soon. Normal shit.  
Of course I lied and said that I was fine then threw my phone onto the table and stared at the bag that was sitting on my lap before pulling the cardboard out of it which held both of the pills and the directions, which I'd already read five times.  
Ugh, please, please, let this work.  
The room door opened and Phil walked back in with his arms full of all kinds of goodies. There were 3 cans of Mountain Dew that I could see and a variety of different kinds of chips. "I couldn't pass up the snack machines," he laughed as he dumped it all on the end of the bed. He kicked his shoes off and crawled onto the bed until he was sitting across from me and he opened the Mountain Dew before handing it to me. We sat there in silence for a little while. I sipped my drink while glancing at the pills lying on my thigh every few seconds.  
"You know, you don't have to do this," Phil spoke up out of nowhere. "I mean, if you were pregnant I wouldn't be mad or anything. Not saying that it's something I want and I know you don't want it but, you know. Just throwing that out there."  
What he said caught me off guard and I looked at him with a blank expression. I swear, I didn't see that coming - in fact, I thought he would have encouraged me to take them, if anything.  
You see, I think a part of why having to do this was so hard was because, in my mind at least, it was sort of a form of abortion. Not that I'm against it, well not for anyone but myself...

Of course I knew that there was no baby or even an embryo or a damn zygote at that point to kill, but the thought that I was potentially killing a person, a human being, was still there, and it made me feel even more horrible.

"Really?" I finally said, feeling this huge warm feeling in my stomach, the feeling that I always got when he looked at me with such kindness and care. "I mean.. it's just so sudden and.. neither of us are ready for.." my voice trailed off. I still couldn't say it out loud.

"I don't think anyone is ever really ready for that," he replied, reaching out to caress my cheek with his thumb. "But it wouldn't be the end of the world. I mean, it's not like you're just some random girl. You're the girl I love."

… _The girl I love. _That seemed to echo in the back of my mind as I stared at him, the blank expression returning to my face.

"The - the girl you love," I repeated, my voice flat.

I didn't know what to say or how to feel, so I immediately looked away from him and back to the pills sitting on my leg.

He loves me.

Phil love mes.

Why does hearing that make me feel like puking? Why was my heart pounding like I had just ran five miles without stopping? Why were my hands shaking? Why did I suddenly feel like crying?

I must have looked how I felt because he suddenly looked like he was terrified or about to shit himself.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," he said quickly, sounding panicked. "I shouldn't have just blurted that out. I didn't mean to. If you're not ready for that then just forget I said it please. I didn't mean to freak you out."

Hearing that didn't make me feel any better at all. It made me feel worse.

No one should ever have to mask the way that they feel just because someone else is uncomfortable with it.. and there was no way I could forget that he said that to me, or the way he looked at me when he did.

If I thought I was confused about my feelings earlier.. I was ten times as confused now.

But the one thing I wasn't confused about, was how amazing Phil was. No pun intended.

And I couldn't just leave him looking at me like that.

"Don't be sorry," I said as I looked up at him, "I'm just - today has been too much and I'm so overwhelmed," I put my hand on his knee with a sigh, "I just need time to process all of this."

He put his hand over mine and picked it up from his knee before kissing my knuckles. "I understand," he smiled and then leaned forward to kiss my forehead.

"You're so perfect," I said quietly, more to myself really, but I just wanted him to hear it, even though he would never actually agree with it. "I can't screw things up for you," I nodded, and with a deep breath, I picked the pills up off of my lap and moved my other hand away from his so I could pop one of them out of the back of it.

Once it was in my palm, my hand found his again and I popped it into my mouth and washed it down with Mountain Dew. He leaned towards me again and pressed his lips against mine, lingering there for a few seconds before pressing his forehead against mine. "Let's cuddle and watch movies, hmm?" he smiled that cute smile of his as he leaned back and reached over to pull the covers back for me.

I cuddled up against his side, clinging to it as he flipped the t.v on. We ended up watching Adventure Time. Well, he did, until he fell asleep a couple of hours later.

I just laid there, my mind racing with so many thoughts that I couldn't focus on any single one of them for longer than a few seconds.

They seemed to circulate; from the possibility of getting pregnant, to the possibility of killing my unconceived child, to birthing a child who ended up being horribly deformed because I took one of those pills, to the fact that it was Phil's child, to the fact that he was _okay _with the possibility that we could have a baby one day, to the fact that he loved me, to the fact that he then apologized for telling me that he loved me.

He loved me.

And I didn't say it back... and he was okay with that too? He was too perfect.

Too good for me. I didn't deserve someone who was that good.

And he didn't deserve someone as horrible as me. How could he be so sure of how he felt while I was still so on the rocks about everything? How could he be okay with the thought of me being pregnant when I wasn't?

How could he love such a horrible, wishy-washy person? That wasn't fair for him. He should love someone who would be okay with how he felt, someone who doesn't threaten to punch him in the face, someone who doesn't yell at him for trying to protect them.

And.. we were so reckless together.

So consumed by our feelings, and getting so lost in the moment that we forget to stop and think about consequences.

That scared me. How I felt about him terrified me.

I can't do this.

I could feel his breath pressing against my neck as I glanced at the clock beside our bed. It was 3:30 in the morning and I was still wide awake.

His arm was wrapped around me, holding me securely against his chest and it took a good five minutes to carefully pry it off of me so that I wouldn't wake him up in the process.

He didn't need to be awake for this. There was no way that I could stand to see his face...

Tears burned at my eyes as I crept around our room, gathering my things, using the light from my phone and t.v as a guide so I wouldn't bump into anything and wake him or leave anything behind.

Once I had everything packed and waiting by the door I was silently sobbing, watching him sleep for what I was sure would be the last time ;a pillow under his arm in the place where I had been laying.

I scribbled a note on a piece of the hotel paper and put it on top of the pillow.

When I had made up my mind to leave, I didn't realize how hard it would be to say goodbye to him. I leaned over the bed and lightly ran my fingers through his soft hair, tears still streaming from my eyes as I placed a kiss against his forehead.

"I love you too, Phil," I whispered, wiping the tears from my cheeks.

**Phil's POV**

I'm not sure when I had fallen asleep but I woke up in one of those violent and unpleasant ways where you sit straight up in bed and wonder where the hell you are for a few seconds. The tv was still on but there was just white noise on it. I turned towards the table and saw the clock said it was just after 5:30 am. It finally clicked with me that I was in bed alone and I don't know why but a sick feeling punched me right in the stomach.

"Leila?" I called out as I scooted off of the bed. The bathroom door was open and the light was off but for some reason I went to check in there anyway. Wishful thinking, I guess. Somehow I knew what was going on but I wasn't ready to believe it.

I turned on the lamp next to the windows and began searching through the sheets for my phone. I heard something make a crumpling noise like paper and lifted the sheet I'd just thrown back.

My heart sank when I read my name on the outside of the paper in Leila's handwriting. I don't know how long I stood there and stared at it before I finally got the courage to pick it up. My hands were shaking as I unfolded it.  
**I'm sorry.**

Those two words...How could two words be so devastating? I sat down on the edge of the bed with my phone in one hand and the note in the other. I had no idea of when she left or where she was going. I could only hope that she would answer the phone if I called.

I unlocked my phone and my heart sank again when I was greeted with the image of her kissing my cheek as my wallpaper. I quickly scrolled to her name and called her. It went straight to voicemail which meant her phone was off. She didn't want me to call her. But I had to leave her a voicemail.

"You didn't have to go," I said in barely a whisper. I cleared my throat so I wouldn't sound like the mess I was. "I didn't mean to scare you by telling you what I told you last night. I didn't expect anything to be different. I-" The phone beeped and cut my message off.

"Dammit!" I yelled as I flung my phone across the room. I didn't know what to do with myself. I was so hurt and so angry. I wasn't angry with her really. I was angry with myself for whatever I did to make her leave.

I got up from the bed and walked over to where my phone had bounced off of the wall to pick it up before I grabbed my key off of the table and headed out the door. I knew it was early and that Dan and Cat would most likely be asleep but if anything I knew I had to tell Cat about this.

I knocked on the door and waited for a few moments but didn't hear anything so I knocked again.

"OW!" I heard Cat say behind the door followed by Dan's laughter.

"Turn on a bloody light!" he told her.

"Shut your face, twat," I heard her say back to him and could tell she was getting closer to the door.

"It's me," I spoke loud enough so that she could hear me.

"It's Phil." She already sounded worried and I knew without having to ask that she had no idea Leila had left.

She opened the door and I was greeted with her standing there in Dan's shirt and her hair going in every direction possible. Only one of her eyes was open and she looked very confused.

"What's wrong?" she asked, glancing behind me like she was looking for someone.

I couldn't speak. I just stared at her like a deer in headlights. I couldn't make myself say it.

Her face fell and she shook her head. "No. Tell me she didn't-" she trailed off and Dan came walking up behind her with a very confused expression.

"She left," I made myself say it but I sounded weak and pathetic. "I woke up and she was gone. All of her bags are gone. She'd left me a note that said she was sorry and that was it."

"What?!" Cat shrieked as she turned away and walked towards her bed. "She pinky swore! I'm gonna kick her ass!"

I closed the door behind me and walked over to the chairs next to the window. Cat had her phone in her hand.

"Don't bother calling. She's got it turned off."

"Uh.." Dan stumbled across the room, a look of confusion on his face. "Did I miss something here?" he asked as he took a seat in the chair on the opposite side of mine. "Where's Leila?"

Cat sat down on the bed and ran her fingers through her hair as best as she could. "Most likely on a plane to London if I know her well enough. And I do," she said as she looked down at her phone and shook her head. "When we talked today I knew something was off. She wasn't herself. I should've bothered her more and got it out of her so I could talk some sense into her."

"I don't think I helped matters much," I sighed as I rubbed the side of my face. "I sort of accidentally told her that I love her and her reaction was...odd. She seemed really off to me as well but I had figured it was just because, you know, we screwed up and she was having to take that bloody pill. Fuck. I am so stupid."

"Wait..." Dan looked between the two of us, still not really grasping what had happened, "Why did she got back to London? We're not supposed to leave until Saturday," he said as he rubbed the back of his neck, only then processing that I'd told her that I loved her. "I don't understand.. I mean, I knew that you loved her. That's been obvious, but why wouldn't that help? Girls like hearing that," he shot Cat a smile, only that was specific and only appeared when he was looking at her or talking about her.

"Baby," Cat looked over at him with an expression that said 'I love you but you're getting on my nerves'. "I know you're half asleep but you're in dumbass mode right now. Remember I told you earlier that Le was all freaked out because she said her feelings for Phil made her all reckless because she doesn't think about what she's doing? Well, that's what this is about. She left because she's scared of fucking up everything or something totally irrational like that." She stood up and walked over to where I was sitting and pulled up a chair next to me before grabbing my hand which was rather odd because she never was openly affectionate towards me...wait, sometimes she was. I'd been victim of a few Cat attacks where she acted like a fangirl.

"Phil, none of this is your fault. You've done everything right. You're everything she needs but Leila is scared shitless right now. We have a habit of running away from things when we're scared. I know that doesn't help because she's still gone but I just don't want you to feel like you did this. I know that she loves you."

I forced a smile and nodded. "Thanks, Cat. I just hope she calls one of us so we can know for sure where she is."

No sooner than those words had left my lips, Cat's phone started going off and my heartbeat immediately picked up speed, because Brown Eyed Girl started playing, and I knew that was Cat's ringtone for Leila. She would sing it to her all the bloody time.

"Answer it!" I demanded, reaching my hand out. Because if she didn't, I was going to steal the phone from her and answer it myself.

"It's a text message babe," Cat sighed, then slid her finger across the screen, causing the music to stop playing.

"Cat, I know you're going to wake up in the morning and hear that I'm gone. So I wanted you to hear it from me first. I also know you're going to be pissed at me for breaking that promise. I'm sorry, but you know me better than I know myself... I'm going back to London. Please, tell Phil that this isn't his fault. He's perfect and he deserves so much better." Cat read out loud.

She looked over at me with the most devastating look I'd ever seen on her face. I think at that point I had gone numb. I didn't know what to feel or do. I just knew I was completely lost and wishing that this was a horrible nightmare that I would wake up from.

"What do I do?" I asked Cat because anything she said had to be better than the big pile of nothing going on in my head.

She shook her head and shrugged. "I don't really know. The only thing I can think of is to give her a couple of days and then maybe she'll come to her senses? I mean, she knows you'll be back there in just a few days. She'll end up seeing you."

That was true. But if she wanted me in any way she wouldn't have left in the first place. That made me feel sick.

"I think I'm going to go back to my room and lay down," I told them as I stood up.

"Phil, you don't have to. You can stay here," Cat told me.

I forced a smile and shook my head. "I think I just need to be by myself for a bit."

"If you need us, you know we're here for you," I heard Dan say as I walked towards the door. He sounded so weird, tip-toeing around my feelings. I was used to him taking a piss all over me and making jokes about any kind of misfortune I had in my life.

I almost immediately regretted my decision to come back to the room when I walked in and it was so quiet. We'd been staying there together for several days and now that she wasn't there it just felt wrong. I laid the key down on the table and walked over to the bed where I'd left the sheets all messed up. I began trying to sort them out when I looked down and saw the corner of a piece of paper next to my food.

I bent down to pick it up and was very confused by what it was until I flipped it over. It was the little cardboard package that Leila's pills had come in which wouldn't have been a big deal if she hadn't left the 2nd pill she was supposed to take.

"Oh fuck!" I hurriedly pulled my phone out of my pocket and scrolled to her name to call her, praying that she hadn't already turned her phone off.

Again, it went straight to voicemail.

"Shit, shit, SHIT!" I said as I sat down and began frantically typing a text out to her so if she turned her phone on she'd at least see it. I kept it short because I figured she didn't care to hear much from me.

**You left the other pill here. Make sure you get that sorted as soon as you get to London.**

Sending that just felt wrong. I felt like I wasn't myself anymore as bizarre as that sounds.

I took a deep breath before typing out a text.

**I don't care what you do. I still love you and I'm here if you change your mind.**

**Cat's POV**

I was sitting in bed with Dan and had just gotten done eating my feelings but still didn't feel better at all. I kept checking my phone over and over hoping to hear something from Leila. It had been 2 days and her phone hadn't been turned on since the day she text me explaining why she left.

That was part of why I felt bad. The other part of why I did were the packed bags sitting at the end of the bed. I looked over at Dan to see him staring at me and I couldn't help but smile.  
"How the fuck am I supposed to be so far away from you like this? The thought is making me want to puke," I whined about it for the millionth time as I fell over sideways and then rolled onto my back on his lap so I could look up at him. "And Leila isn't even here to keep me sane during the first hours of withdrawal."  
Dan started laughing as he reached down and put his hands over mine, lacing our fingers together, "Because you're the strongest woman I know," he was grinning as he bent down to peck my lips. "I'm going to go mental without you, especially since Phil is..." he shook his head, obviously not wanting to elaborate much on that. "I think we should make it fun, maybe make a bet on who cracks first to make a surprise visit to see the other. I've got twenty pounds on me," he laughed then brushed his lips over mine again.  
I laughed as I raised my head up a bit to return his kiss. Ugh. I was going to miss being able to do that. "I already know that I'll cave way before you," I sighed as I rubbed my hands over my face. "I hate this. Hate. Hate. Hate this. I mean, I'm excited about my job, don't get me wrong. But, fuck, man. I love London so much. I wanted to stay there." I sat up and turned around so that I was facing him before flailing my arms around. "Okay, I gotta stop being a twat. I have the job of a lifetime, an insanely amazing and sexy boyfriend, and a web cam that I can use to do naughty things with him from afar. I can do this. I will be fine."  
My peptalk would've been awesome if I could've just stopped being a twat.  
"I just hope we don't go to surprise each other at the same time. Could you imagine how shit that would be?" Dan sniggered as he pulled one of my hands to his lips, kissing the back of it. "See, I'm glad you're looking on the bright side of things! I'm really excited about sexy Skypecapades. I'll be taking lots of screenshots, though. You've been warned," he wiggled his eyebrows. "You're going to be making so much money," he commented out of absolutely nowhere, "And your schedule seems pretty fair, so I know you'll be able to come visit often, which I also look forward to."  
He was absolutely right about all of that. But being able to come home to him, fall asleep with him, wake up with him, have real sex with him, and even get annoyed by him in person sounded infinitely better than all of that. I poked my bottom lip out and gave him my best pouty face. "Why can't I be like you about this? I don't like being a girl. I'm like, ugh-" I flung my hands out in front of me. "Feelings. Why? Go away!"  
"I think we're feeling the same way," he began, "I just won't let it bother me until I'm actually away from you. Like as soon as I get on the plane.." he shook his head then went on to make his cry-pout face, "WHY DID I HAVE TO LEAVEEEEEE. NOOOOOOO. WHAT IS MY LIFE? CATTT, CAAAAAATTTTT," he started laughing. "And then they'll probably call security on me or something horrific."  
I cracked up laughing. How could you not? It was like having a danisnotonfire video playing 24 hours a day. Except I could have sex with it and, yeah, you get me.  
"You should do that!" I said as I pounced onto him and knocked him back onto the mattress. I hovered above him and laughed. "If you get kicked off the flight you can just stay here."  
"I wouldn't have a problem with staying here," he smiled. "But since your best friend broke my best friend's heart, I've got to make sure he doesn't try to off himself, or make emo-videos about it.. Oh God, I really hope he doesn't do that," he laughed, but I'm pretty sure he was being serious.  
I sighed loudly as I rolled onto my back. "I'm still so heart broken for him and so worried about her. This is the longest I've gone without talking to her since we first met. I hope they can work it out. They're so perfect for each other. I miss her."  
The more I thought about it the more this day was making me want to eat my feelings and medicate myself so I'd fall asleep and not have to deal with any of it for a while. Dramatic Cat was dramatic.  
"If you want me to, I can go check on her when we get back," Dan said as he rolled onto his stomach and propped himself onto his elbows, "I'm sure they'll figure something out, maybe she'll end up pregnant and they'll have no choice. Just kidding, that would be shit, but.. is it bad that I'm glad we won't be in the middle of it?" he asked, making a bit of a guilty face.  
"No babe. It's not bad. It's natural for you to not want to be in the middle of it. It's one of those situations where we'd feel torn between where to go because our best friends aren't on good terms which could have an effect on us. Blah blah. Soap opera stuff," I sighed. "But please do go check on her for me and tell her to call me. I'm done with the I want to yell at her phase. I just need to talk to her now."  
"Whew, good, because I almost gave an F for a second," he laughed. "That could be why she's avoiding you, afraid to face your wrath. I know I would be... But I'll check on her. I owe her one anyways for the talk she had with me about you."  
I rolled over onto my side so that I was facing him. "I never did hear all about that talk. Did she rip you a new asshole or what?" I laughed.  
He laughed, "Surprisingly, no, but she wasn't very nice to me either. I got called a bunch of names, like tit, asshole, and twat, and she even went as low as to call me a 15 year old!" he pressed a kiss against my cheek, "But she did give me good advice. Had she not, well, I don't know what I would have done.. Probably continued wallowing in my misery until I went to a point of no return."  
"And you'd still be jackin it every night instead of getting to fondle my lumps," I grinned and stuck my tongue out at him. "How much longer until you have to leave?"  
"Cry-fapping as I shovel Maltesers into my mouth, actually," he laughed. "I have no idea," he shrugged. "Whenever Phil comes knocking on the door. I told him not to tell me what time, because, of reasons."  
"Because of reasons?" I laughed. "What are the reasons?"  
"So I could actually enjoy the last little bit I have with you before I have to leave. If I knew, I would be checking my phone every two seconds, counting down the time," he sighed. "That's not how I want to spend it, thinking about how I only have ten more minutes, or five, or whathaveyou," he brushed a few pieces of my hair away from my face as he looked at me. "You're going to come to the airport, right?"  
I nodded because I knew that if I spoke then I was probably going to start crying and I had told myself 600 times that I was not going to cry in front of him. I'd have plenty of time to cry like a little bitch when he was on the plane. I scooted towards him until our bodies were touching and nuzzled my face against his chest. I had several of his shirts to keep with me that he had very sweetly sprayed with his cologne but they wouldn't make me feel as good as being snuggled up to him did.  
I know, I know. You're probably like 'get over it ya twat'. But I couldn't help it!  
Dan wrapped his arms around me and squeezed me tightly before bringing his hand to my hair, running his fingers through it as he inhaled deeply, "I'm going to have to buy some of the shampoo you use," he said quietly, seriously. "And I may ransack your closet in London too, and steal the comforter off of your bed."  
I think the strangest part of him saying that was that he wasn't kidding, at all. Not that it was weird that he wanted to do that, he just wasn't a very serious person.  
I leaned back a bit so that I could look at him and he did have a completely serious look on his face. It was the first time I'd seen a not so positive emotion from him concerning the fact that we were about to be separated. I moved my hand up to his face and trailed along his jawline with my fingertips. "I love you so much," I whispered not even caring that I was getting all teary eyed. "I still look at you sometimes and think 'how the fuck did this happen?'," I laughed. "I think you're one of the best things to ever happen to me and I want to do whatever it takes to make this work."  
"I love you too," he smiled, moving his head as my fingers grazed over his skin, "You know, I wonder the same thing.. I'm the luckiest guy on the planet," he grabbed my hand again and laced our fingers together as he brought them to his lips, once more kissing the back side of it, "And I _know _you're the best thing to ever happen to me."  
I leaned forward and pressed my lips against his and gave him a real, mind blowing kiss. One of those that you shouldn't give someone when they have to leave soon but I couldn't stop myself. "Stop being so perfect. It makes it harder to let you leave," I laughed against his lips as I slipped my fingers into his hair.  
_Knock. Knock. Knock_  
"Fuck," I sighed. It was the sound both of us had been dreading.  
Dan stuck his bottom lip out and pouted.  
"Go awayyyyyy," he whined, flailing his arms around. "We don't want anyyyyy."  
Though, a few seconds after he said that, he pushed himself off of the bed and walked towards the door, 80 percent of his ass hanging out of the back of his pants.  
I was going to miss that ass.  
With the click of the doorknob, Dan let Phil in and they both came walking back to where the bed was at.  
Dan reached for my hand to help me up off of the bed, and once I was on my feet he wrapped his arms around me, hugging me so tight that I felt my back pop, "Ugh, see, I told you I was going to start showing how miserable I am. I didn't make it to the plane though."  
I hugged him back just as tightly and kept telling myself over and over in my head to keep my shit together. I still had to make it all the way to the airport and through the real goodbye without crying.  
Fucking emotions.  
"Hey Philertons," I said to him as Dan let go of me and began gathering his bags.  
"Hi Cat," he smiled up at me. He was still so sad and it broke my heart for him. I just wanted to cuddle the poor guy.  
After Dan got his bags together we made our way down to the lobby to go out and get a cab to take us to the airport. I sat in the middle of Phil and Dan. As soon as the door closed I felt that lump you get in your throat before you flip the fuck out and cry or have a panic attack and had to take a deep breath to make myself calm down a bit.  
Dan put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me against him, securing me to his side as he leaned in and kissed my forehead, his hand finding mine again. "Not excited about this at allll," he sang, and I think it was his attempt to lighten to mood a bit.  
Although Phil was sad, it was obvious that there were two different extremes of emotions about leaving Los Angeles. He'd be closer to Leila, and Dan would be so far away from me.  
Dan pulled his phone out of his pocket and played with it for a second before holding it out in front of us.  
Was he seriously taking a picture right now?  
"Smile? Oh! Kiss me," he said, turning his face towards mine and puckering his lips.  
How could I say no to that? I smiled at him and leaned in to press my lips against his long enough for him to take the picture and then gave him another peck before turning to look at the photo.  
"Awwwww!" I poked my bottom lip out. "Text that to me, please?"  
I looked over at Phil and he was staring out the window in his own little world. I nudged him with my elbow and he turned to look at me. "Oh my God. It's amazingphil!" I squealed like a fangirl and latched onto his arm. "Phil. Phil. PHIL!"  
"What?" he laughed.  
"Can you like say zebra for me?"  
"Oh God," he laughed and leaned his head over on top of mine for a second. "I will definitely miss you, Cat."  
Dammit, Phil! Now he was making me want to cry.  
"I'll miss you too, Philertons," I sighed as I reached over and pet the side of his face.  
I turned to look at Dan again and saw that he was just staring down at his phone in his own little world.  
The cab came to a halt and he finally looked up, and around, before smiling, "Oh, how I love trafficccc," he sang, then pressed his lips against the top of my head. "I sent you that picture and like 10 texts," he informed me.  
I laughed and looked at him with a confused expression. "Why did you send me 10 texts? Am I supposed to read them now?"  
He shook his head and laughed a little, "No, no, I just wanted to text you while I actually can text you. Save them for later," he smiled.  
I rested my chin on his shoulder and looped my arm through his before holding his hand. "You could stuff me in your suitcase and take me with you. That's still an option."  
"The weird part is that you would actually fit inside of it," Dan laughed a real laugh, I'm guessing he got a mental picture of me all curled up inside of it with his socks. "Don't worry, I'll be Cat-napping you soon enough."  
I laughed as well because I knew he was right. I would be able to fit into that thing. "I hope so," I leaned up a bit and kissed his neck just below his ear. I glanced out the window because the car started moving again and my heart sank when I realized how close we were getting to the airport.  
There was another red light up ahead and Dan must have noticed it, "Don't turn green, don't turn green, don't - fuck!" he sighed as the light turned green and we turned onto the road that we both knew would take us to LAX. He clung to me a little tighter and rested his cheek on top of my head.  
I didn't know how I was holding my shit together so well. But I think it might have been because Dan was starting to not be able to keep his shit together and I didn't want to turn into a big pile of bad feels and then make him do the same. "I left a surprise in your carry on bag but you can't look at it until you get on the plane, okay?" I said as I played with his fingers and wished that somehow we'd end up in another traffic jam.  
"Oh?" he asked me, his voice quieter than usual as he looked from me to our hands which were laced together and back again. From the look on his face I could tell that he was trying to think of something clever to say back to me, in another attempt to lighten the mood, but surprisingly, he said nothing, not to that anyways, and leaned in against my ear, "I'm going to miss you so much," he whispered, nuzzling his nose against my cheek.  
Seeing and hearing him like that was so horrible. It was almost as heart breaking as when he was mean to me that night before we stopped talking back in London. "I'm going to miss you too, baby," I whispered before kissing his lips softly. "I'll be thinking about you all the time."  
The car stopped.  
FUCK. The car stopped.  
I closed my eyes and leaned my forehead against his. I didn't want to look out the window yet because I knew we were there and I was starting to wonder if I could force myself to get out of that cab and walk through the airport and watch him walk away.  
Phil must have opened the car door because the noises outside got louder but I couldn't bring myself to move. "I know it's completely ridiculous because we'll see each other again but you might have to pull me out of this cab."  
Dan opened his door and stuck one foot out of it as he tightened his grip on my hand, "Please walk me to catch my flight?" he said as he tilted his head, looking at me with the saddest eyes I've ever seen. "I'll be even more heartbroken if you don't... and if you go with me, it's a few more minutes I'll have with you."  
I just stared at him for a second because I was having another one of those 'is this my life?' moments. "Of course, baby," I forced a smile before sliding out of the cab. "I'll be back," I told the driver as I closed the door.  
Phil was waiting by the entrance to the airport and Dan took my hand after he got his bags out and we all walked in together. It didn't feel right at all. I was supposed to be getting on the plane with them. Leila was supposed to be with us. None of it was right. Well, it didn't feel right at least.  
After the guys had turned in their luggage and gone through security it was time for me to walk with them to their gate. By the time we got there they were already boarding so there wouldn't be much time for long, drawn out goodbyes. I felt sick to my stomach.  
Phil gave me a sad smile as he walked over to me and wrapped his arms around me for a big hug. I hugged him back and kissed his cheek as I pulled away. "Everything will work out, Phil. I just know it will."  
"I hope so," he smiled. "Thanks for everything. I'll miss you."  
Oh Phil. Do not make me cry.  
"I'll miss you too, sweetie."  
Phil looked over at Dan as he adjusted his carry on bag on his shoulder. "I'm going to go ahead and board," he said before turning to walk towards the gate.  
I turned my attention back to Dan and took a deep breath. I felt physically weak as well as emotionally. Why the fuck was this so hard? This was just ridiculous. I couldn't get my shit together.  
Dan looked down at me and brought his hand to my cheek, and for several seconds he just gazed at me, his big, brown eyes so full of sadness, and then, just before he pulled me against his chest, I could see them glaze over.  
Was he, crying?  
He wrapped both of his arms around me, squeezing me tighter than ever before as he buried his face in the crook of my neck. "I love you, Catherine," he whispered, using my full first name, his hands gripping onto the fabric of my shirt. "I don't want to let go."  
Shit. Shit. Shit. SHIT. FUCK.  
I could feel my eyes starting to sting because of the tears as I wrapped my arms around him and clung to him like he was my lifeline. The thought hit me that I wasn't sure of when I'd get to do this again and that was enough to make the tears spill over.  
Oh well. At least I made it that far.  
"I love you too," I whispered against his shoulder. "I don't want you to let go," I managed to get the words out because one of those random sob moments hit me and I had to take a pretty loud breath. Why couldn't this be like one of those silent cries that happen in the movie theater?  
The final call for him to board came over the intercom in the airport and I pulled myself even closer to him. He was going to have to let go first because I knew I couldn't do it.  
And then he did. He pulled back so that I could see his face, and one of his hands moved from my back to my cheek, wiping my tears away with his thumb. I could see wetness around his eyes, though he wasn't crying anymore. He was putting on a brave face for me.  
"I'll miss you, and I'll let you know when I land," he said before he leaned in and kissed me.  
He pulled away again, but quickly retracted and popped another kiss against my lips before wrapping his arms around me, hugging me one last time.  
As he moved away from me, he grabbed my hand, and didn't let go until he could no longer reach me.  
I just stood there and watched as the man I love walked away. For the first time in over 5 years I was completely alone.


	15. Boarding The Nope Train To Fuckthatville

**Dan's POV: **

I was laying on the couch wearing the surprise that Cat had left in my carry on bag; her baby blue llama shirt, with Cat's blue comforter wrapped around me, my head resting on the pillow I had stolen from Cat's old bedroom, while shoveling handfuls of Maltesers into my mouth.  
It had been five days since I'd left Los Angeles, I was more miserable than ever, and I wasn't doing much to hide it either.  
Music was blaring from the speakers on the telly. Well, not really music. Just the same song I'd been listening to on repeat since I'd gotten back.

"_Oh my love, My darling. I've hungered for your touch. A long lonely time. As time goes by so slowly. And time can do so much._

_Are you still mine? I need your love. I need your love God speed your love, to meeeeeeeee._"

I sang, or whined, rather, along with it, sounding more like a dog being beaten than an actual human.

Phil was curled up on the other end of the sectional hugging his Totoro, which was wearing something that I'm assuming belonged to Leila. Or at least I hope it did, and Phil hadn't resorted to buying pink tops that had built in boobs.  
"Dan!" he said my name out of nowhere and it was the first word I'd heard him speak all morning. "Be miserable all you want. I'm being miserable too but please stop with the horrible singing."  
"You don't understand my pain, Phil!" I whined, which was an ass move on my part, but just because I was bloody miserable didn't mean that I was suddenly super sensitive to other people's feelings.  
"Uh, actually I do understand your pain. At least you still have your girlfriend. Leila has basically erased me from her radar completely," he got up from the couch and shuffled into the kitchen. "I hate this. Part of me wishes I never would have gone over there to apologize that night." He turned around and looked me as he opened a pack of crisps. "Not that I didn't want you to meet Cat or anything. You know what I mean."

I raised my head up off of the pillow just enough so that I could reach the remote and turn the volume down on the telly. Phil and Leila still hadn't spoken a word to each other. Not that Phil had actually put any effort in to change that, though, I hardly doubt he would have gotten much out of her. She was acting really, really weird when I went to check on her for Catherine and to collect some of Cat's things. She hardly said two words to me, and last time I talked to Cat, which was sometime in the wee morning hours, she still hadn't talked to her either.

Leaning my head back down I looked up at Phil and I really wished that I knew what to tell him, but sadly, I couldn't think of anything and my mind was far too clouded by how much I missed Cat to sputter out anything but complete nonsense.

"You don't mean that," I finally said with my brow raised, straight up judging him. "I know you're not in the best state of mind right now and you're entitled to that, but you shouldn't say things that you know you don't mean."

Woah. Was I being the rational one here?

What the fuck has my life turned into.

"You can tell me that I don't mean it when you know how it feels to have the woman you love walk out of your life with no real explanation," he said as he walked out of the kitchen and down the hallway. His door slammed hard making me jump.

Jesus on a boat. I'd never seen him the way he had been the past few days.

My phone started vibrating across the table and scared the hell out of me. I nearly fell off the couch trying to pick it up. It was a text from Cat.

YESSSSS.

I opened it and read it out loud

**Skype skype SKYPE?!**

"YESSSSSSS!" I squealed, which was oh so manly of me as I grabbed her pillow and my bag of Maltesers and ran into my room where my laptop was sitting, her blanket bellowing behind me like some kind of oversized cape.

I leapt onto my bed and opened my Macbook up and logged onto Skype like a maniac.  
Seeing Cat's username, which was simply, Whiskers, I clicked on it repeatedly until a little box popped up. I could see that she was typing a message to me but before it could even send I invited her to a video chat.  
Another screen popped up and I clapped my hands together like an overly excited child.  
"BABY!" I yelped. "I miss you!" I leaned in and hugged the screen.  
She giggled and as I was pulling back from hugging the screen I could see she was hugging hers as well because her cleavage was right there in the camera. "I miss you too baby! What are-" she paused and tilted her head. "Is that my blanket?" she laughed.  
Dammit, she looked gorgeous. She'd bought new clothes when she started her job and she looked all professional and sexy.  
Whereas I looked like a hot fucking mess. My hair was - don't get me started. I hadn't been bothered to shower in a few days, and I was still wearing her shirt from the previous day, because I hadn't been bothered to change either.  
"Yeah," I snuggled it around  
me and smiled like an idiot as I sniffed it. "It still smells like you, and look," I moved my arms, flashing her shirt before the camera. "You look quite sexy today, Ms Big-shot photographer."  
She let out one of those cute squeals and clapped her hands. "It makes me happy that you're wearing it. You look perfect. I promise," she blew me a kiss and looked down at her clothes. "Thank you, sir. Oh my God, Dan. You gotta see this!" she hopped off of her bed and I could hear her feet tapping down the hallway as she ran to get whatever she was getting. A few seconds later I heard it again and she appeared again holding a camera. "Do you see this shit?" she asked, sounding beyond excited. I recognized it immediately as the most expensive Canon DSLR you could get. "This is MINE," she said in a dramatic voice. "They gave it to me today. I want you to be here so I can take artsy fartsy photos of your delicious self."

"They GAVE it to you?!" I asked, "What the fuck! Youtube never gives me shit like that," I whined, though that was bullocks. Youtube gave me awesome shit all the time. Just not a camera _that _nice. "You've got to let me borrow that when you come to visit!" I laughed. "Any word on that yet?" I asked. "Do they know when you'll have a few days off?"

Probably not, since I had literally asked her the same question about 14 hours ago.

"Not yet, baby," she poked her bottom lip out as she sat the camera down. She repositioned herself so that she was lying on her stomach. "Hopefully soon. I miss you. I'm not sleeping very well at all. I think I got used to sleeping next to you."  
I pouted when I heard her say that, "Me either, honestly. I've had to medicate myself a few times with Benadryl. And by a few times I mean every bloody night." I said as I wrapped her blanket tighter around me.  
The worst part of her being gone was that it was getting closer to November, and it was getting colder and darker and lonelier every day. "I miss you too though. Oh! I love you," I smiled, realizing I hadn't told her that yet.  
She got that huge smile on her face that I loved so much and tilted her head to the side. "I love you too, baby. Have you decided that what this week's video will be about? And don't say you're not doing one. You might remember that my love for you started out as fangirl love. I still look forward to Thursday videos."  
"Actually, I have," I smiled, wiggling around a little bit. "Long distance relationships! I know, I know, it's ridiculous, but I have to poke fun at how miserable I am without you or I am literally going to go mad. The best part is, I don't even have to act, really. I can just film myself in my natural habitat, wallowing around stuffing my face full of Maltesers.. It probably won't be up until Saturday though. I've been a waste of life lately."  
Her eyes got big and her mouth fell open. "Saturday?" she whined and then proceeded to roll around on the bed while making these horrible crying noises. "Nooooooooo!"  
I couldn't stop myself from laughing, and if you saw it, you wouldn't have been able to either. It was hilarious. "You're acting like those videos are the only way you get to see me," I said, grinning. But I understood why she was acting that way. On top of being my girlfriend, she was a fan.  
She composed herself, laughing as she sat back up. "I know. I just like to see as much of you as possible," she grinned. "I mean, even though you're the desktop background on my laptop, the background on my iPhone and I get to see you on here, that's just not enough. I usually go to sleep watching your videos."  
"Well, I suppose I could let you in on a little secret then. I'm going to do a special live show on Monday after we post the Super Amazing Project," I told her. "Do you think you'll be able to make it? Should be around 1 or so in the afternoon for you."  
She got super excited and gasped. "Yes! I've got a shoot early that morning but I was told today I get to come home at 12. Perfect timing much? Are you gonna wear your llama shirt and show everyone that sexy tummy?" she laughed.  
"Most likely," I nodded. "People are going to think I never change my clothes though. I wore it when I filmed a bit yesterday and this morning," I told her. "How are you liking your job so far? Have you gotten to photograph One Direction yet?"  
She laughed and shook her head. "Not yet. I'm so super sad about it," pretended to wipe a tear. "I have met quite a few famous people already. I'll just be walking through the office and BAM there's Drew Barrymore. I'm like 'whaaaaat'. It's bizarre. But I love it. Everyone is really cool." She reached over and suddenly a giant cup of coffee appeared when she moved back. "Have you heard anything from Leila?"  
"Ameture!" I shouted, "You haven't made it until you've gotten to photograph them, duh," I rolled my eyes, but was obviously completely joking. "I'm really glad you like it though," I tilted my head, eyeing the huge cup. "What the fuck is that?!" I blurted out with a laugh. "That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen," I was still staring at the huge cup in her hand. "Sorry, your A.D.D has added greatly to my A.D.D.. I haven't heard a word from her since I went over there to get your blanket and pillow, and even then she didn't say much. Have you?" I asked, hopefully. If something didn't give soon, I was sure I would get to see an even more moody side of Phil.  
She laughed after taking a sip from the massive cup. "It's my giant coffee cup!" she laughed and held it closer to the camera. "I fucking love this thing." She sighed as she sat the cup back down on her nightstand and ran her fingers through her hair. "I haven't heard anything from her. Her phone keeps going straight to voicemail. This is the longest I've ever gone without hearing from her."  
"It's a bit odd, isn't it?" I asked as I tilted my head. "I mean I get her not wanting to talk to me or Phil, but her not speaking to you too? You two were attached at the bloody hip. It doesn't make any sense," I mused as I reached around my bed for my Malters. Popping one into my mouth I chewed it up before speaking again. "I know she isn't dead at least, I caught Phil stalking her Tumblr tag and saw she'd been photographed earlier this week. So that's good."  
So that's good? Wow, Dan  
She started laughing and shook her head. "That's so funny to me that he stalks her tumblr tag. I mean, a couple of months ago she and I were sitting in this apartment stalking you two and neither of you even knew we existed." She paused for a second and shrugged. "I don't know why she's not talking to me. Maybe she is scared of what I will have to say? I'm not sure. But I know she knows that she can come to me and I won't flip out now." She grinned after saying that. "Do you stalk my tumblr tag?"  
"Sounds logical enough," I shrugged before popping another one into my mouth. "Viciously," I said in a deep voice and wiggled my eyebrows. "My how the tables have turned," I laughed, thinking about what she had said about stalking each other on Tumblr. "Had we known that you two were so awesome I'm sure we would have been stalking you a lot sooner."  
She put her hands over her face and let out a high pitched fangirl squeal. "The way you said viciously probably ruined my panties," she laughed. "I like that the tables have turned. I've never had a fanboy before," she winked at me as she slipped off the black blazer she was wearing and threw it across the room. "It's hot as balls."  
I immediately started pouting when she mentioned how hot it was, "Hate youuuuuuuuu so much," I whined. "It's been so bloody cold here. Even colder without you," I wiggled around then stopped to admire the way that she looked without that bulky blazer covering her up. "So saucy," I wiggled my eyebrows again.  
She looked down at herself like she had forgotten she was only wearing one of those thin little white tank tops she had. "Yeah, I figured I should wear a blazer to cover the goods since I was going to work," she stuck her tongue out at me. "And it's actually pretty nippy outside. I just have the heat on in here and looking at you gets me all hot and bothered." She wiggled her eyebrows at me and laughed.  
"God, when I see you again I'm going to throw you against something and literally attack you," I told her, still eyeing her body. The things she did to my hormones was a tad bit ridiculous. "If I make my best pouty face will you get on a plane so I can make that happen within the next 24 hours?"  
"Ya know, I think you're probably the only person that could make me do something that crazy," she laughed. "But seeing as though I have 3 shoots tomorrow I don't think that'd be a great idea."  
"WHYYYYYYYYYY," I fake-cried, but could only do it for so long, because of how ridiculous I knew that I looked and sounded. Laughing, I bent down a little further and grabbed another Malteser, "I wish the time difference between us wasn't so big. I always have to stop and do math to figure out what time it is over there to know whether you're asleep, or awake, or at work."  
Honestly, it sucked big rotten llama taint, because it narrowed the little bit of time we could actually "spend" together on Skype.  
"Yeah, I know," she rolled her eyes. "That part is quite annoying. It's 5:30 here though. I got home early today so I'm all yours as long as you're awake." She shook her boobs around and I know she did it on purpose because of that 'I did something naughty' look she got on her face followed by her giggling.  
"Do you want me to start fapping violently at my computer screen, or do you want me to start fapping violently at my computer screen?" I asked, my brow raised high, causing my forehead to wrinkle up a bit. "Because you can't just shake your tits at me and not expect my penis get.. penis-y."  
She started laughing quite hard. "Penis-y?" she repeated, still laughing. "Oh wow. That was the greatest thing I've heard all day. Are you really asking me if I want you to start fapping violently? You know what my answer to that would be. I think I have more of a crazy sex drive than even you," she laughed.  
"You _think _you do?" I said with wide eyes, "Please, I _know _you do! You are more sexual than I am, and that is saying a lot, since I can't go five seconds without saying something rude or perverted."  
"I can't help it!" she laughed and flailed her arms around. "It's your fault for being so fucking sexy all the time and also being so fucking good at sex and having a perfect penis and being a great kisser."  
"I know," I shook my head. "I'm such a horrible fucking person! Me and my penis and my lips and tongue should probably go take a bunch of rohypnol - Oh, wait, that wouldn't really help me out here. Damn," I laughed.  
She facepalmed herself and shook her head. "I'm definitely not complaining about you having all of those qualities, baby. Trust me. Do not take any rohypnol. That wouldn't be a good thing."  
"I know," I grinned. "I would just end up falling asleep and wake up two days from now in a puddle of my own urine or something, with the flat burned to the ground because Phil caught it on fire either on purpose or from sleepwalking or something horrible," I laughed.  
"Oh mylanta," she laughed. "Ya know, I'm not entirely sure of how you two have managed to live together for so long without accidentally burning the whole damn building down or getting severely injured."  
I grabbed my laptop as she spoke and leaned back against the mattress. Resting it on my stomach, I pulled her blanket around me and nuzzled up against it, sniggering. "Honestly, neither do I. We've both got shit luck, and he's always getting himself into the most ass backwards situations,"  
"Yeah he definitely does," she laughed and leaned in closer to the laptop. "Awww, you look so cute snuggled up with my blanket. I wish I were there snuggled up in it with you. Naked."

"Me too!" I laughed. "It's so cold," I chattered my teeth together and rubbed my arms like I was freezing. "Naked cuddling means body heat and most likely crazy sexy. I slept a lot better when I was getting crazy sex a few times a day."

"I bet your poor penis is lonely too. He's probably like, hey Dan. Where did that warm, majestic hole you put me in go? I loved that place'," she laughed at herself. "Oh, I crack myself up."

I let out a very loud grunt-like noise as I flailed around on my bed, causing my laptop to fall off of my stomach and topple over sideways. Groaning, I rolled onto my side and stared at it, whining. "I hateeeeee youuuuuuuuuuuuuu," I put my hands over my face and pretended to cry for a few seconds. "Just kidding, I love you and my penis can't wait to crawl into that majestic place you were talking about when I see you," I said, still laying there on my side with my laptop still laying sideways.

She turned her head sideways, laughing at me the whole time. "You alright over there, baby? It looked like a damn earthquake happened from my point of view. And at least you have your hand! Yay for KY warming lube!"

"I don't have any kind of lube," I laughed. "I'm fine though, just freaking out and flailing around. You know, normal shit," I nodded, picking up my laptop and putting it on my hip, still laying on my side. "How many chins do I have from this view?" I asked, squishing my chin against my chest.

"Why don't you have lube? You need to get some!" she laughed but had a very serious expression on her face. "Hmmm. Lets see," she leaned closer and pursed her lips. "Three!" she laughed. "Good job, baby."

"Because, you came with natural lube," I smiled, then immediately started whining again. "I'm not making this any easier on myself at all," I grabbed her pillow and buried my face against it. "Rubbbbiiiishhhhhh," my cries were muffled against the fabric before I pulled the pillow away and looked back up at the camera. "What do you plan on doing tonight?" I asked, curiously. "Do you get to go to fancy parties where peasants walk around offering your wine and crackers?"

She rolled her eyes and shook her head. "No. I don't go to those parties." She crawled off of the bed and out my view for a second but then the laptop turned and I could see her as she walked towards her closet. "I'm not doing anything other than sitting here and talking to you," she informed me as she slid off her pants with her back to me giving me a great view of her ass which was only covered by some of those skimpy lacy panties she was so fond of wearing. "How much longer do you think you'll be awake?" She took her tank top off with her back still to me and began looking through her closet for something.

"Why are you even doing that right now?! What the fuck?!" I groaned again, and as much as I wanted to look away - oh fuck it, I didn't want to look away, but I probably should have, because this was such a fucking tease. "I don't know," I answered her. "I can't focus on anything but your ass right now. Ask again when you've got clothes on and I can actually think."

"I'm just changing clothes!" she laughed as she took her bra off and threw it onto the floor. She reached up into her closet and pulled out a white shirt before slipping it on and covering herself. "I love this shirt," she said as she walked back towards the bed. "One of your many articles of clothing I jacked," she informed me as she crawled onto the bed and sat the laptop on her legs.

"I love that shirt too," I laughed as I sat back up and put my computer back on my lap. "I guess it's only fair that you got to steal my favorite shirt since I got yours. Too bad they both look better on me," I laughed again and winked. "Just kidding, I look like a tall lesbian. Everything looks better on you."

"Aww, thanks baby," she grinned. "But I think your shirts look better on you. They're way too long for me. I'm too fun sized to actually wear them with a pair of jeans or something and look cool," she laughed

"Bite sized!" I clapped then made another pouty face, "Why God, WHY, must my brain go back to the most perverted shit possible?" I asked looking up as my ceiling with a sigh before looking back at the camera. "I just wish you were here, and honestly, it's not even about the massive amount of sexual frustration I am feeling. I just bloody miss you in general. I want to kiss you and cuddle you," I continued pouting, hugging my laptop.

She poked her bottom lip out as well and sighed. "I want to kiss and cuddle you too, baby. I'm going through serious withdrawals. I don't know how much longer I can do this." She laid down on her side and moved the laptop so I could still see her face. "I love my job but I'm miserable because I'm all alone and that's totally titbaggish, I know. But still."  
"It's not titbaggish," I laughed as I did the same as her and sat my laptop down on my bed and scooted down to where I was laying on my side. "It sucks not having you here, but I couldn't imagine not even having Phil around to keep my mind at least a little occupied," I started yawning as the last few words come out.  
"I wish it were later there so we could Skype cuddle until you fall asleep."  
"Ugh. Me too. Going to sleep is the worst part," she said as she reached behind her and picked up her phone. "I'm tweeting about how I want to be in London with my lovah," she informed me, grinning as she typed away on her phone.  
"Awww," I said as I snuggled her with her pillow. "You're going to make the Phans go crazy with that. The good kind of crazy though, where they retweet you saying that they wished they could zap you here so we could be together."  
She laughed as she sat her phone back down. "And some might say HA. HA. The Dan stealer can't see our Dan!" She then laughed a creepy villain kind of laugh. "I don't really pay attention to those ones anyway. There are a lot more supportive Phans than the not supportive ones. I got lucky with that."  
I started laughing again. I missed being able to be around her craziness 24/7. "Yeah, I think we both got pretty lucky with it. I think the only people still sore about it are the hardcore _Phan _shippers, realizing that Phan isn't a real ship."  
She gasped really loudly and put her hand over her heart. "Phan isn't real? What?! My feels!"  
I laughed tiredly and watched her as she acted over dramatic, "Is your life ruined now?"  
"Completely," she sighed. "I don't know how I'll sleep tonight. I'm so crushed by this news," she laughed. "Baby, are you sleepy?"  
"Noooooo," I yawned, stretching out a bit, which was a dead giveaway that I was telling a little white lie, but I would much rather put off sleep to spend time Skyping with her.  
She grinned. "You're over there yawning away and saying you're not sleepy. You look exhausted."  
"I don't want to hang up - or.. whatever," I laughed. "It's almost 4 here though," I pouted.

"I know, babe. I don't you to either but you do need sleep." Her phone went off and she reached down to pick it up. "Hm. My boss said she wants to meet with me in the morning before my first shoot. I wonder what that's about," she said a few seconds after she'd picked up her phone.

"Maybe she's firing you," I laughed then shook my head. "Sorry, that was horrible. Maybe she wants to tell you how beautiful and amazing you are and how much she loves you. Oh, no that's me. I have no idea," I shrugged.

She laughed and rolled her eyes. "Only you and I would hope for something horrible like getting fired. I don't think I've fucked up yet though so I'm not sure what it'll be about. She's really cool though."

"That's too bad. If you got fired you could come back here and neither of us would be sleep deprived and miserable." I replied quietly.

"Hey," she spoke softly and tilted her head a bit, smiling that sweet smile of hers. "Have I told you today that I love you so, so much and you're the most amazing man I've ever met?"

I shook my head, "Not until just now," I smiled. "Have I told you how much I missed you yet today? Or how much I love you?"

She shook her head, still smiling. "Well, you did tell me you love me and miss me but you didn't tell me how much."

"More than you know."

**Leila's POV: One Month Later**

I stared down at the little plus sign and immediately turned and walked out of the bathroom.

That couldn't have been right. My eyes must have been playing tricks on me. I mean, I'd been crying non stop for the last five weeks. Surely all of that weeping had done some kind of damage to my retinas and I hadn't just seen what I thought I had.

Nope. That was impossible. Completely impossible.

I rubbed my hands over my face, specifically my eyelids, with so much pressure that when I opened them again, I saw tiny white dots all over the place.

Now, let's try this again.

I walked back into the bathroom and looked back down at the sink to the tiny little stick sitting on it, fully expecting to see a different result. But I didn't.

It was the same huge, blue, plus sign staring me in the face tauntingly.

No. Nope. Nada.

ALL ABOARD THE NOPE TRAIN TO FUCKTHATVILLE.

I picked it up off of the sink and shook it. Maybe my piss got lodged somewhere inside of it and it was causing it to read wrong.

Or maybe I had read the directions wrong.

Or maybe the test was a dud.

Or maybe I really was just pregnant.

"Oh God," the toast that I had forced myself before to eat before taking that test was making it's way back up and I quickly knelt down in front of the toilet.

After a good fifteen minutes of praying to the porcelain God, I attempted to brush my teeth, but I couldn't do it for longer than thirty seconds without feeling like I was going to hurl again.

Good enough. At least I wouldn't have puke breath now.

Luckily I didn't get any of my regurgitated breakfast on my clothes, because, unfortunately, I had an interview and a photoshoot to go to in less than an hour.

I walked into the kitchen and was about to grab some coffee, and then I realized - and I have no idea how I forget in the first place - since Cat was in the states, and Phil and I still hadn't talked to each other, let alone seen each other - that there was no coffee to drink. I still didn't know how to work the stupid thing.

Coffee is bad for babies anyways.

Oh God, it's happening again.

I slapped my hand over my mouth and ran into the bathroom, preparing to go into full blown exorcist puke mode, but apparently it was just a false alarm in the form of horrible dry heaving.

My hands resting on the sides of the sink I stared at my reflection.

Saying that I looked like shit would have been a compliment at this point.

I looked like death that got hit by a double decker bus. Twice.

"What am I going to do?" I was talking to myself, because I didn't have anyone else to talk to.

I had finally broken down and called Catherine about two weeks ago, but since it was only 11 a.m here, I knew she was still asleep, and this isn't the kind of shit she needs to wake up to anyways.

I could have called my mom but - fuck that.

After splashing my face with cold water a few times, I walked out of the bathroom, put my coat on, and grabbed my purse, because if I didn't leave my flat now, I was going to be late.

Sliding it up over my arm I opened up my front door and walked out of it. As I turned around to lock it, I could hear a distant neighbor's door opening, and like an idiot, I looked over my shoulder to see which one it was.

You see, I'd grown pretty close to Mrs. Morgan because she always invited me over for coffee; and since I couldn't make my own, I was as hard up for it as I was for Mountain Dew.

But it wasn't Mrs. Morgan.

It was Phil.

Oh God. I could feel my face start to contort so I quickly looked away.

Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry.

I took in a slow deep breath to calm myself.

I missed him so, so much.

And then, as if in the last five minutes I had somehow forgotten, I was reminded that I was pregnant. How was I supposed to tell him _that _when I hadn't said a word to him since I left him alone in Los Angeles?

I was so very tempted to run back into my apartment. I mean, I hadn't gotten the door locked yet.. Maybe it wouldn't look so obvious that I was running away from him.

"Leila?"

Shit. Shit. Fuck. Why did he have to say my name?

I couldn't make myself look over at him. It was like I was frozen. My heart was pounding like crazy. But more importantly, my stomach was churning and I knew I had seconds before my face went into Exorcist mode all over my door.

"Leila?" he said my name again and I jumped because he was right beside me.

He still smells the same. His eyes are still so pretty.

I bet our baby would-

Oh fuck.

I pushed the door open and didn't even bother closing it as I ran through the apartment, dropping my bag somewhere along the way. I barely made it to the toilet before I started puking. I didn't have much to actually puke up so it was very painful.

I leaned my forehead against the lid of the toilet because it was cool and made me feel a little bit better. After a couple of minutes I regained my composure and remembered that Phil had been next to me in the hallway and also that I had left my apartment door open. I reached up and flushed the toilet before moving to stand up.

I gasped when I turned around because I was not expecting Phil to be standing there.

I also didn't expect to see him holding what he was holding.

"Are you-" he stopped speaking mid sentence as if someone had punched him in the stomach.

He was holding the pregnancy test.

It felt like everything was crumbling down around me. I suddenly had the feeling that I had single handedly ruined my life and his.

Those feelings hit me like a fucking dump truck hitting a brick wall at 100mph and a loud sob came out of my mouth before I covered it with my hand and completely lost it.

I gripped onto the edge of the bathroom counter to keep myself from falling but before my knees went out on me I felt his arms wrap around to my back.

"Shhhh. Don't cry, sweetheart," he whispered in my ear which only made me cry even harder. "Everything will be fine. Please don't cry.

In that moment, I lost my shit, and did the exact thing that I had been wanting to do since I left him in that hotel in California. I wrapped my arms around him and latched onto him, not even considering the fact that he might not want me to even touch him after what I had done to him, this included.

"No it won't," my cries were muffled against his chest. "I don't know what to do. I'm so scared. I'm- I'm-" I broke into another loud, uncontrollable sob that made it nearly impossible to speak audible words.

Still yet, I kept talking, because I really, really needed him to hear me. "I'm sooo sorry," I cried even harder. "I hate myself, I do. I'm so horrible. I never should have, I-I, I love you."

I felt him tense up when I said that and immediately thought that was a bad sign. I mean, honestly, did I expect for him to be happy about it? I don't know what I expected but I had to tell him.

He pulled back from me and looked down at my face. For the first time ever I saw tears in his eyes which was even more heartbreaking than this situation as a whole.

"Did you just say you love me?" he asked, his voice sounding rather hoarse. Before I had a chance to reply, he cupped my face and dipped down to press his lips against mine. The kiss was intense. Like one of those that makes you feel like you're about to hit the floor because your knees literally went weak.

"I can't tell you how many times I've dreamed of hearing you say that," he whispered against my lips, his forehead pressed against mine.

I can't even begin to explain the amount of relief I felt, despite the fact that both of our worlds had been rocked. He didn't push me away, and as happy as that made me, it made more tears pour from my eyes. "I'm - I'm so stupid," my horrible cry-grimace had my face so screwed up that I just wanted to hide it from him, so I forced it against his neck, my fingers clinging to the back of his shirt.

"I missed you," I sobbed, squeezing him. "So much. I shouldn't have left. I shouldn't have - I'm soooo sorry. Please, please forgive me. I'm - I - I'm such a wreck," I was hyperventilating, trying to catch my breath between my words and cries.

"Shhh. Leila, calm down," he whispered as he rubbed my back and continued to hold me even though I was basically losing my mind in his arms. "None of that matters now. I told you that I still love you no matter what. I don't care about any of that anymore," he pulled back and raised his hands to wipe the tears from my cheeks with his thumbs. "Everything is going to be okay. I'll take care of you. I'm here now," he smiled as he leaned in and kissed my forehead. "I'm guessing you've not been to a doctor about the-" he paused like he had to try hard to say the word. "Baby. Wow. That's weird to say."

I shook my head, my face still scrunched up in cry mode as I gazed up at him. I was sure I was the most unattractive person on the planet right now. "No," I swallowed back the lump that had grown in my throat from hearing him say all of that. "I just found out," I sniffled. "Like literally, just-" I started crying again. "Ten minutes ago?" I shrugged. "I- I'm sorry. I know this isn't something you wanted to happen. I-" I couldn't stop being a fucking cry baby for longer than five seconds to actually get an entire sentence out. I was just so overcome with feelings. I was scared, happy, sad, terrified, nauseous, hungry, weak, and quite dizzy from all of the heavy breathing. The only thing I wanted to do was cling to his side and continue to tell him how sorry I was, and how much I loved him, and how much I'd missed him, and how big of an idiot I was for ever leaving him. Which I'd already done, but I don't think it gave any of it justice.

Instead of replying right away, he lead me over to the toilet before putting the lid down and sitting me on it. He looked in the cabinet by the sink and pulled out a small towel before running cold water over it and kneeling down in front of me. He reached up and pressed it against my cheek, gently wiping away my tears. "You're right. I didn't exactly plan to have a child just yet but it's not like I wasn't an equal participant in the making of the child," he smiled up at me. "I know this is scary. I'm scared too. But we can be scared together. I'm not going anywhere. I love you, Leila. If anything the past month or so without you has only made me realize it more. I know why you left. It's okay. I don't think badly of you for it. You're still the amazing woman I fell in love with." He brought his hand up and brushed my hair behind my ear with his fingers. "I've missed you so much. Please, just don't feel alone in this because you're not. We can do this. I know we can."

There he was, saying all of those perfect words, and doing all of those perfect things that he didn't have to do. I knew good and well that I had hurt him. Cat reminded me of it every time that we talked without even meaning to. She would bring him up in conversation because it was the natural thing to do. He was her boyfriend's best friend; and every time that I heard about him it broke me a that much more.

But now? He was right in front of me and despite the horrible circumstances I finally felt complete again. Like there wasn't this huge hole in the middle of my chest that left me feeling empty and mangled and hardly alive.

I grabbed one of his hands and pulled it onto my lap, squeezing it, as if my touch could somehow convey just how much I meant what I was about to say to him.

"I love you too. I know I said that but, I just I don't think that I can say it enough to get you to understand how much I mean it. These last five weeks have been so horrible. I feel so horrible, and I still don't think that I deserve you, because-" I shook my head, and oh my God, there went the inappropriate laughter, followed promptly by tears. Though these were much more controlled than the previous ones. "Thank you.. for understanding, and not hating me because I'm so.. crazy?" I shrugged. "And irrational, and ridiculous, and so many other horrible things, but, I just, I love you. I know I don't make any sense, because this is the hardest thing I've ever had to try to explain to someone," I finally just shut up because I knew that no matter how hard I tried, I would never be to get my point across. I was obviously a writer and not a public spokeswoman for a reason.

He pulled me into his arms again and I nuzzled my face against his neck as he ran his fingers through my hair. He turned his head and kissed the side of my head. "I could never think you're horrible. We fell in love really fast and your life has changed so much. It's understandable. Just please, focus on the fact that we're fine now. The past is the past. We've got some hurdles to jump over together without worrying about what we can't change. Alright?" he leaned back to look at my face. "Were you heading to work when you were leaving earlier?"

I nodded, because he was right. I couldn't go back and undo anything, so why was I worrying about it? Well, because I'm me. But he had a point, and if he could forgive me, I needed to forgive myself.

"Shit!" I gasped, and pulled away from him, even though I didn't want to. "I've got a photoshoot and interview in-" I glanced down at my watch. "Thirty minutes," I tore my hands away from him and started wiping the residue from my eyes and forced myself up off of the toilet lid. "I have to go," I could feel the cries coming on again but somehow I managed to force them back. "Can I see you when I'm done?"

He stood up and looked at me like I was crazy. "I'm going to at least take you to the photoshoot. You shouldn't go all that way alone with how sick you've been." He held his hand out for me and smiled. "My lady?"

Of course he wasn't going to make me go alone. He was Phil. Had being away from him really warped my perception of him that badly?

I grabbed his hand and laced my fingers through his, "My Phil," I laughed and pressed my forehead against his shoulder for a few seconds. "Thank you so much," I said, though I'm not sure what I was thanking him for.

Oh, for being the amazing man that he is.

I then started to wonder if this meant that we were really okay. I mean okay in the fashion that we were Phileila again and not just Phil and Leila.


	16. IDFSOJAISOFJOASJFADS 1 1

**Leila's POV: **

Much to my dismay, I had to bid Phil goodbye, but he promised that he would meet me at the clinic after the interview and photoshoot was over. Yeah, he already made me an appointment to get checked out and make sure that everything that's going on in my uterus is normal and that the massive amount of birthcontrol I took when the accident happened hadn't screwed anything up.  
I walked inside of the building and the first thing I noticed was that it smelled. Not necessarily _bad, _but whatever the hell was on the catering trays was not agreeing with me.  
I did my best not to breath in or out of my nose and actually had to resort to closing it off with my thumb and index finger. Which made me look like the world's most basic bitch, on top of looking like I'd been beaten to the point of near death while sobbing.  
I approached the secretary's desk and moved my hand from my nose so she wouldn't think that I was a massive twat for holding it there, and as soon as I did, I regretted it.  
I gagged a bit as I looked down at her, trying my best to smile while also trying not to puke all over her.  
"Hello, I'm Leila Faust. I've got-" I gagged, "Sorry," I cleared my throat. "I've got an appointment with-" I gagged again and promptly put my hand over my mouth, and took in a very long, very deep breath.  
"Ms. Faust," she smiled, "We've been waiting for you! The interview is with People Magazine, and they're located on the fourth floor. Just go on up, they're expecting you," she informed me, pointing towards the elevators on the other side of the room.  
I quickly excused myself with a wave of my free hand, afraid that if I moved my hand from my mouth again, I would just vomit all over the floor.  
As I walked towards the elevator I frantically scanned the large lobby for a bathroom, but there wasn't one to be found.  
Just breathe, I told myself as I pushed the up button.  
Much to my surprise the doors opened instantly and I stepped inside of the elevator and pressed the number 4.  
The compartment started to raise, and it was not helping with my nausea at all.  
The lift chimed a few seconds later and as soon as the doors opened I ran out of them, once again frantically searching for a bathroom, because I wasn't sure how much longer I could hold back.  
"Ms. Faust!" I heard a woman call my name and a few feet away I could see her gesturing for me to join her.  
"Good afternoon!" she greeted me, holding her hand out for me to shake it.  
I took it and weakly shook it, my left hand still covering my mouth as she lead me into another room.

"We've been so excited to meet you! I loved your book, it was amazing. We were thinking about starting off with some photographs. We can do hair and makeup first, and we've got this amazing new photographer working for us. Where is she anyways? Catherine?" she called out, looking around, "I'm sure she'll pop up eventually," she grinned turning back to face me.

"Oh, are you okay? You don't look so good.." the woman said worriedly, only then noticing that I was turning more and more green in front of her.

"Bathroom?" I gagged from behind me hand. If I didn't find a toilet or something to puke in, in the next ten seconds, it was going everywhere.

"Oh, right this way," she said and then started leading me across the big, brightly lit room. And let me just say - fuck those fluorescent light fixtures.

"LELE!" Catherine, MY Catherine, literally jumped right in front of me, blocking my path.  
I don't know if it was the shock of seeing her, or the fact that she scared me, or just the fact that I couldn't hold it back any longer, but I went into full Exorcist puke-mode and literally puked all over her.  
"Oh fuck, Leila!" I somehow heard her say as she grabbed me and began pulling me towards the bathroom. "Someone clean that shit up, please!" she yelled as she pulled me towards the toilets while I was still puking. Of course by the time I made it to the toilet I was done.  
I felt her pick my hair up so it'd be out of my way since I was hovering over the toilet anyway and she was rubbing my back. "Dude, are you okay? You just went full Reagan from the Exorcist in there."  
"No, Cat, I'm not okay!" I gagged again, but I think it might have been because my face was so close the toilet bowl, and I could smell that nasty toilet-water smell lingering up from it. "I'm fucking pregnant," I looked up at her, waiting to see some kind of response.  
Her eyes got massive. I mean MASSIVE and it was like she turned into a statue. I finally got some sort of reaction from her which came in the form of her falling onto her ass in the stall with me. "You're- you're pregnant?" she repeated it, sounding shocked as hell. "How!?' she shrieked and then rolled her eyes at herself. "Well, fuck. I mean, I know how but. What the fuck dude? Oh my God."  
"Ms. Radley?" she turned towards the door when someone said her name and she peeked her head out of the stall.  
"Hey sweetie, can you get me a change of clothes from my luggage, please? I'll be out with Leila in a little while."  
"No problem," the girl replied and Cat turned and looked at me again still looking like she'd seen a ghost.  
"Fuck. I thought I was going to surprise you today but you have surprised the living fuck out of me instead. Are you sure? When did you find out?"  
"You surprised me alright," I said, wiping my mouth as I slumped back against the wall of the stall, "Surprised the puke out of me.. Sorry about that, by the way," I somehow managed to laugh, then started shaking my head. "This morning, I took a test because I haven't had a period since... September?" I shrugged.  
"What are you even doing here?! Oh my God, I wanted to tell you but I thought you were still in Los Angeles!"  
"Holy fucking shit," she said as she ran her fingers through her hair. "I can't believe this," she laughed, shaking her head. "Well, I wanted you to be the first to know that I'm moving back," she grinned. "People offered me the same position here in London which is why I'm here today. I'm taking your photos. Dan doesn't even know yet. I've known for like 2 weeks and haven't been able to tell anyone because I wanted to surprise all of you. Does Phil know about you?"  
"That's great!" I smiled, and almost, I'm talking about arms outstretched, leaning forward to scoop her up, hugged her, and then I remembered that I'd lost whatever was left in my stomach all over her chest, so I stopped myself. "Why are you always covered in something disgusting when I really want to hug you?" I laughed, shaking my head.  
I nodded, "He found out this morning too.. he found the test on the sink after I almost blew chunks all over him in the hallway," I said, and realized that probably didn't make any sense to her since as far as she knew, we still weren't speaking.  
"Ms. Radley?" the same girl came in the bathroom again and Cat leaned her head out of the door before standing up. "Thanks. We'll be out soon," she said to the girl I couldn't see because I was still sitting in the stall.  
"Okay, hold up," she said as she laid her clean clothes over the top of the door. "Was that the first time y'all have talked since you came back here?"  
I nodded again even though she couldn't see me, "Yeah. I was leaving the apartment to come here and he was standing out there. It was the first time I had even seen him since coming back. Oh God, it was horrible. I started feeling sick as soon as he said my name, so I ran back in, so I wouldn't lose it all over the door and he followed me. The test was just sitting on the sink and he found it," I explained. "I'm so glad it happened like that, had he not been there this morning.. I don't know what I would have done."  
She flung the door open and was just standing there in a pair of black pants and a bra. "Wait, are y'all like okay now? Can I get Team Phileila t-shirts made?" I couldn't help but notice the very hopeful look on her face.  
I also couldn't keep myself from laughing, and then letting the most ridiculous smile ever cross my lips as I shrugged, "I.. I think so? He told me that he loved me, and Cat, I finally told him, that I love him. It felt so good to just say it, and to see him. I missed him so much. But I'm not sure, I didn't ask. I was just so..." I sighed, "I was just so happy to see him that I didn't want to say too much, I guess."  
She gasped very loudly before having a full blown fangirl moment. I mean she was squealing and jumping, still shirtless, and then she pounced on me and hugged me tightly. "Oh my glob. I'm so happy!" she squealed before kissing my cheek and pulling away. "Sorry. I know you don't feel well," she laughed as she got back to a standing position. She grabbed her shirt from the top of the door and slipped it on.  
"Actually, puking kind of helps," I laughed as I pushed myself off of the floor. "Doesn't help with the dizziness though. What the fuck?" I said as I slumped against the wall for a few seconds. "Whew, I'm okay," I said more to myself than to her as I walked out of the stall and looked at my reflection. "Ugh, please work your magic and make me look like less of a miserable peasant in these pictures," I chuckled as I looked over at her.  
"Oh, by the way," I said calmly, then lunged at her, wrapping my arms around her to give her a big hug. "I fucking missed you! You have no idea! It's been so miserable here without you."  
She giggled and wrapped her arms around me to hug me tightly. "I missed you too. So much. I kept sleeping in your room instead of my own like you're my Mom or something," she laughed as she pulled back and quickly wiped under her eyes because she was starting to cry. "I know you're probably so scared right now but you've got me and Phil and Dan. We can raise a kid. We got this," she laughed. "I mean, the kid might end up being a total weirdo but, hey. We're all weirdos and we're doing alright."  
"Oh no," I wiped my eyes before any tears could fall, "Please don't make me start crying again. I cried enough this morning to last for the rest of my life," I laughed.  
It was times like this that I remembered why she was my best friend - well all the time, really, but especially when anything weird happened. She was always there to make me feel better.

"Oh God," I shook my head. "Could you imagine Dan raising a child? Its first words would be waffly twat," I put my hand over my mouth to muffle my giggles, "Or something else really vulgar. I don't know, I can't really think right now."

She cracked up laughing. "Oh hell. Yeah, let's not let Dan ever teach a child how to talk." She grinned and I could almost sense the fangirl moment coming before she squealed. "I can't believe I get to see him today. It's so hard not to just run out of here and go to his apartment," she laughed. "I'm sure he's freaking the fuck out since I wasn't around to Skype with him last night. I had to lie and say I felt bad so he wouldn't know I was getting on a fucking plane."

"Awww. Well I'm sure he'll be just fine when he sees you in the flesh. It'll be like when we went to LA to surprise them," I assured her. "Only better because you're here to stay!" I couldn't help but to giggle and bounce around when I said that. I was so happy that she'd come back. Her timing couldn't have been any better, honestly. "And hopefully this time you won't go to jail," I added.

For whatever reason, jail reminded me of the appointment I had for after the shoot, "Do you care to delay seeing him for a little while longer? Phil got me an appointment to make sure everything is okay since I took those pills. It's scheduled for right after the shoot, so it won't make you wait too much longer."

"Of course, babe. V's before P's. You know I'm there," she smiled as she reached out to push a piece of hair out of my eyes. "Now, let's go get you all glamorous and shit so I can take sexy photos of you."

Catherine then whisked me away to hair and makeup where they literally worked their magic. By the time they were done with me I didn't look like hammered asshole. I actually looked alive and like myself.

The photoshoot was more fun than I ever would have imagined, and for a whole two hours, I actually managed to forget about all of the scary shit I had been bombarded with.

When we left the photoshoot and interview we headed straight to the doctor's office to meet up with Phil, who still had no idea that Cat was in town. I love him, but I knew that if I told him, he would tell Dan, and Cat really wanted to surprise him, and I'm pretty sure she wanted to surprise Phil as well.

"I am so nervous," I said quietly to Cat as I looked around the room. There were so many girls in there who were pregnant. And I mean really fucking pregnant. They all looked like they were 9 months overdue and miserable.

There were a few who didn't look that far along, and of course a couple that had newborns all nestled up in car seats.

I could feel my ovaries pumping out hormones just by looking at all of the different situations. It was insane to think that I would be going through all of this. From looking like myself, to looking like I had a watermelon shoved into my shirt, to becoming a _mother. _

Cat was sitting next to me with her legs crossed scrolling through tumblr on her iPhone. Some addictions never go away. She looked up and glanced around the room before leaning towards me. "Your kid is gonna be way cuter than these," she whispered in my ear before giggling at herself.

I laughed and then leaned my head towards hers, "Do you promise you'll still love me when I look like that?" I whispered back at her, gesturing towards a very angry looking woman who had a two year old sitting beside her and a stomach sticking out so far that it looked like it was going to explode. She was one of the _very _pregnant women, obviously.

"Oh yeah," she whispered back. "I'll wanna bang you even more then." Oh Jesus. I couldn't take her anywhere. I covered my mouth to keep from cackle laughing in front of everyone in the room.

The door that led out of the waiting room opened and everyone looked up to see Phil walking in. I immediately felt more relieved. My comfort zone was bigger with Cat and Phil around.

"Hey sweetheart," he said as he walked over to me. He leaned down and hugged me and then pulled back and looked at Cat.

"Hey Cat," he greeted her nonchalantly and we both looked at him like he was crazy until apparently it finally clicked. "Cat?!" he shrieked her name quite loudly and then leaned down and hugged her. "Oh my God. What the hell are you doing here?"

She laughed as she hugged him back. "Oh, you know. I was in the neighborhood." He laughed as well and then moved to sit down beside me.

"No, really. Why are you here? Does Dan know? Because when I left home he was lying on the couch under your comforter playing Skyrim and looked like he had no intention of moving from that spot."

"Nope. He has no idea," she laughed. "So, don't tell him if y'all talk. I got transferred here so, I'm back!"

"Oh my God! This is like-" he paused. "The weirdest day ever. I'm having a lot of feelings," he laughed.

"I think we all are, babe," I laughed as I looked up at Phil. My God it felt so good to say that to him. It didn't even feel weird like I thought it would, given that I hadn't even seen him, let alone talked to him until this morning.

"Poor Cat got doused in my puke," I informed him, though it might have been a little bit of TMI. Poor Phil got grossed out by almost everything.

Oh God.

When Dan finds out, he's going to make so many fucked up placenta jokes.

"Oh God," he wrinkled his nose and laughed.

"That's not the first time she's puked on me. I handled it quite well," Cat laughed.

Phil reached over for my hand to took it into both of his before bringing it to his lips and kissing my palm. "You look gorgeous," he smiled at me. "Are you feeling alright?"

I grinned at him and nodded. I don't know why, but that was such a sweet thing to say. Probably because I looked so disgusting earlier. I'm glad he paid enough attention to notice that I didn't look haggard anymore. "I'm feeling a lot better now," I told him as I leaned towards him to pop a quick kiss against his lips. "I've got both of my babies back," I happy sighed as I glanced over at Catherine.

"You're missing one, though," Cat laughed. "Your other child is at home playing video games without supervision." She paused for a second like she was thinking and then shook her head while laughing. "Oh God. Can you imagine how many new placenta jokes we're going to hear now?"

"I was just thinking that!" I gasped much louder than I meant to, which caused several people to start staring in our general direction.

Of course Cat didn't care that people were staring and she started laughing pretty loudly.

"Leila Faust?" we all turned towards the door that a nurse was standing at with a clipboard.

Phil squeezed my hand and leaned over to kiss my cheek. "I love you so much," he whispered before standing up and pulling me up from the chair. "Just remember everything is going to be fine."

I took in a very deep breath as I stood up and laced my fingers through Phil's, "I love you too," I smiled at him and glanced over at Cat, who was already standing, holding her arms out, gesturing for me to go ahead of her. Of course I laughed, and more people looked at us like we were three idiots on sixteen and pregnant or something.

The nurse took us back to an exam room where she took my temperature and blood pressure and told me that the doctor would be with me shortly.

She wasn't lying. Five minutes after she had left a very tall doctor came into the room.

I don't understand why these giant men with giant hands want to be vagina doctors. Or Gynecologists, if you want to be proper.

"So what brings you here today," he asked me.

Wow, really?

"I took a pregnancy test and it came back positive. I-" I glanced over at Phil, "I mean, we, were just worried because I took the plan B pills." I explained.

"Uh-huh. And when was your last menstrual cycle?"

"September... 7th?" I guessed. The sounded about right.

"Okay, well you would probably only be about four weeks along now, so it's really too soon to tell much of what's going on. There wouldn't be a heartbeat yet, so we can't check anything in depth, but we can take some blood and make sure the hormone levels look good." He explained.

"Also, we can give you a due date, which would be... Ah, June 14, 2013," he was apparently some sort of crazy ass math magician too, to have figured that out that fast. "And we noticed that your blood pressure was a little low too. Have you had any morning sickness?" he asked and I nodded, while Cat started laughing from the corner of the room. "Alright, you need to take it easy over the next couple of days. Get lots of rest and drink lots of fluids."

I nodded again and he got up off of his chair, "The nurse will be back in a few minutes to take some blood and you'll be free to go," she said, then left the room.

"That's three days after Dan's birthday!" Cat clapped out of nowhere as soon as the doctor was gone. "Does Dan know about this yet?"

"Yeah," Phil nodded. "I told him earlier. He spit his coffee all over himself. It was a wonderful moment," he laughed.

"Oh God," Cat laughed. "I can imagine. I nearly pissed on myself when she told me. Or nearly fainted. Both."

I just kind of stayed quiet and listened to the two of them talk to each other, while I allowed myself a few minutes to be weirded out by the fact that the doctor had just given me a fucking due date.

By June 14 I would be a mother.

So. Weird.

Like... I can't even explain it.

There was a knock on the door and the nurse let herself back in to the room.

She took my blood and gave me a prescription for prenatal vitamins and said that I would get a phone call in a few days to let me know how everything looked.

As she left we followed her out of the door and walked back into the waiting room, which had cleared out quite a bit since we'd gone back.

"Uh am I the only one who is still a little mindboggled that _that _just happened?" I blurted out before laughing. "So. Weird," I shook my head.

"Definitely not," Phil laughed. "I feel like I'm a little bit in shock. Like, in June there will be a mini-us. It's just bizarre."

"I even think it's bizarre," Cat laughed. "You guys are gonna have a 3rd member of Team Phileila."

**Cat's POV**

To say that it had been a crazy day would've been the understatement of the year. I had come back to London and surprised Leila which was already a big deal but then she dropped the bomb on me that she was pregnant.  
PREGNANT.  
And not with a food baby.  
A Phil baby, to be exact.  
And then I find out that she and Phil are back together. That was a very good part.  
Everything just felt so surreal. So much change had happened over the past few months it sort of felt like I was just dreaming all of this shit up.  
I had gone to the doctor with Leila and Phil which was interesting as well. Hearing a doctor give her a due date and prenatal vitamins really made it set in. I never imagined my best friend as a Mom before. We just dreamed of going to London, not having amazing boyfriends or getting knocked up by them.  
Life is so entertaining sometimes.  
We had just gotten into the lobby of the building and I walked into the elevator with Leila and Phil. "I'm so excited. I think I'm gonna pee," I told them as I bounced around but not too much because I didn't want to make the elevator fall and kill us.  
"I can't wait to see the look on his face," Phil laughed.  
"Okay, y'all remember the plan?" I asked them and they both nodded, grinning from ear to ear.  
We got off of the elevator and I followed behind them to the door. Phil unlocked it and peeked in before looking at me and motioning for me to stay in the hall. Obviously Dan was still in the living room which was why I was staying put.  
"We're home!" Phil called out as he and Leila walked into the apartment. He shut the door behind them and I scooted a little closer so I could hear the conversation.  
"And a wild Phileila appears!" Dan laughed, "How did the appointment go?"  
"It went great," I heard Leila say, "They already know the gender," she added. I could almost see the look of curiosity on Dan's face as he believed what she was telling him.  
"Well are you going to tell me what it is or just stand there? I can't take the suspense!" Dan replied.  
"It's a girl, Dan. She's actually due around your birthday. Want to see a picture of her?" I heard Phil ask.  
"Yeah! Of course," I heard Dan reply which was my que.  
I took a deep breath before turning the doorknob and opening the door slowly just to freak him out again. Then I flung it open and walked in grinning like a total doofus.  
"Surprise!" I laughed, holding my arms out and wiggling my fingers.  
Dan just stared at me for a few seconds before he actually responded to the fact that I was standing in his living room. "WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK!" He jumped up and down, slung the game controller at the floor and ran towards me so fast that I thought he was going to knock me through the wall. "OH MY GOD!" he squealed as he wrapped his arms around me, lifting me up off of the floor, hugging me tighter than he had the last time that I saw him. "Is this real life?" he asked, putting me back down only to cup both of my cheeks in his hands. "OH MY GOD!" he screamed again, then leaned down and pressed a very long, very deep, very intense kiss against my lips.  
I clung to his shirt trying to pull myself closer to him and moaning loudly into the kiss. I didn't care that Lele and Phil were standing there. I had been wanting to be able to just touch him for so long. I finally broke the kiss just because I needed to breathe and I looked up at him. "Yes, this is real life," I laughed. "Oh my God. It's so good to see you!" I squealed before kissing his lips again. "Were you wondering where I was?" I asked once I got done attacking his face.  
"YES!" he screamed, still unable to control himself. "Oh my GOD. I didn't know what the think! Fuck! I missed you!" he hugged me again, but quickly pulled away, "How long are you in town for?" he asked. "Because we've got to make this count. I've got five weeks worth of kissing, cuddling, and sex to make up for," he laughed before kissing me again.  
I giggled against his lips and held his face in my hands as I pulled back to look up at him. "Well, that's the other part of the surprise," I grinned. "I got transferred to London. I'm not leaving."  
Holy shit. Just saying those words made me want to run around screaming and flailing my arms in excitement the same way I had when I found out about the transfer.  
"WHAT!" He screamed again, obviously excited. "Oh. I can't," he shook his head, and held up a hand. "Seriously, the feels! What the fuck is my life right now?!" he leaned back down to squeeze me again. "Seriously, you're really staying and you're not trolling me?! Because if you're trolling me... that would be so bloody mean."  
I laughed and shook my head. "Baby, I am not trolling you. I promise. I found out about the transfer a couple of weeks ago. I just wanted to surprise you. You can ask Leila. I did her shoot for People earlier today. That's how I surprised her."  
Dan glanced over at Leila, who was already looking at him, nodding her head. "That's about all the conformation I need," he said, then lifted me up off of the ground, sliding his hands to my ass to hold me up. "If you'll excuse us, we've got lost time to make up for."  
He didn't hesitate beyond that, to rush out of the living room, down the hallway, and to his bedroom door. As my back pushed up against it, his lips collided with mine, kissing me hungrily as he twisted the knob on the entrance to his lair.

It opened so quickly that we both nearly toppled over, my feet touching the floor again. "I hope you don't like this shirt," Dan's voice was a low purr as his hands slid down my sides. He grabbed the bottom of my blouse and literally ripped it apart before dipping back down and kissing me again.

His tongue massaged against mine as his fingertips pressed against my bare skin, trailing from my sides, to my hips, and down onto my ass, all the while backing me against the side of the piano in his room.

My back arched against it, one of his hands moving up my stomach and onto my tit, the other sliding up my back, over my shoulder and into my hair; his mouth left mine, his hot breath and warm, wet lips dragging down my neck, to my collar bone, where his lips closed around, sucking my skin into his mouth and tugging at it as he pulled away, only to do the same thing against my chest.

His hands moved down to my hips and he quickly popped the button on them and tugged them down to my thighs. I kicked my boots off and grabbed his shoulders so that I could step out of my pants. My breathing was already erratic when I looked up at his face.

Holy shit. When he looked at me like that and had this 'I want to be inside you more than I want to live' kind of look in his eyes I swear it could nearly make me cum on the spot.

I grabbed the bottom of his shirt and began tugging it upwards until he raised his arms for me to pull it off of him completely. I dropped it onto the floor with my own clothes before bringing my hands to his chest. My eyes stayed locked on his as I slowly moved my hands down dragging my fingernails lightly over his skin until I reached the top of his pants. "Ya know, I love it when you wear these kinds of pants because they're so much easier to get off of you," I told him as I grabbed the top of the sweat pants and hooked my fingers into them before pulling them down and taking his underwear with him.

I stepped back and tilted my head as I looked over him. Damn. Seeing him naked had to be one of the ultimate perks of our relationship. I realized then that things weren't too fair because I was still wearing a bra and panties. My eyes still stayed on him while I reached behind myself to unhook my bra. I let it fall slowly off of my shoulders just to be a tease before I hooked my thumbs into the sides of my panties and quickly slipped them down.

"I think things are fair now," I nodded, grinning up at him as I closed the space between us and reached up to place my hands on the back of his neck and bring him down to my level. I kissed him again and for some reason I realized that for the first time in my life I actually got butterflies in my stomach every single time he kissed me. Other guys I had been with could only accomplish that once if at all.

Dan's hands slid down my back and came to a stop on my ass, squeezing it tightly as he guided me away from the piano and didn't stop until the backs of my legs hit against his bed.

He lowered me against it, leaning down on top of me as he pushed me further up the ruffled blankets, never once breaking away from the desirous kiss.

Leaning onto his side, he propped himself onto his elbow, his rough fingertips drifting down my body, over my thigh and between my legs.

He pressed them firmly against my clit, rubbing circles against it as his lips lingered over my jawline and down the side of my neck.  
His tongue poked between them and he swirled it around my nipple before he sucked it into his mouth, his fingers sliding downward, pressing against my wet cunt before he slid them inside of me and curved them upward. "Mmm, baby.. would you get this wet when you played with yourself while you were away?" He asked before massaging his fingertips firmly against my g-spot.

His lips trailed down my stomach, his tongue and teeth lighting grazing across my skin as he thrust his fingers inside of me.

Once his head was level to my hips, he picked one of them up and put it over his shoulder, looking up at me with wild desire in his big brown eyes. He slid his fingers out of me and held them against his lips before sticking them into his mouth and sucking my juices off of them. "Mmm. I think I want a better taste," he said, licking his lips as he lifted my other leg up and put it over his shoulder.

He kissed around on my inner thigh before burying his face between my legs. I could feel his breath against me, followed by his tongue stroking teasingly against my hard clit - out of nowhere his lips curved around it and he sucked it into his mouth, his head moving from side to side, his tongue pressing against it between his plump pouts.

I hoped and I mean I really, really hoped that Leila and Phil left the apartment already because my moans were so loud. Someone in the building's hallway probably could've heard me so I know they would've been able to. But I was not about to ask Dan to stop. I moved my hands into his hair and tangled them into it as he continued giving me more pleasure than I thought I would be able to handle. My whole body was already shaking like it did right before I came. His name fell from my lips over and over while I began moving my hips against his movements.

While what he was doing felt so good and my body was screaming for me to let go, I wanted to cum with him. Nothing compared to the feeling of him deep inside of me when he gave me one of those earth shattering orgasms he was so great at giving. I tugged harder at his hair and sat up the best I could. "Dan, stop," I managed to say while breathing like I'd just run up 10 flights of stairs. "I want you," I whispered as he lifted his face up to look at me. "I want you inside me, baby. Please?" I practically whimpered like the desperate woman I was.

No shame. No shame at all.

Looking up at me, a devious smirk curving his lips, Dan crawled between my legs, his cock rubbing against my wet pussy, "But you tasted so good," he whispered, then dipped in and kissed me, allowing me to taste myself, though only for a moment, because he broke away from the kiss, his hips swaying against mine teasingly as he reached up to his headboard.

He ripped a condom open with his teeth and slid it over his cock before grabbing at his shaft with one hand, and sliding his hand under my back with the other, pulling me towards him as he sat up on his knees. He massaged it against my clit, down to my cunt where he quickly forced every inch inside of me.

He lifted my legs up from the bed and put the backs of my knees over his shoulders and leaned in against me. His hand slid onto my face, cupping it as he looked into my eyes with the most intense eye contact I'd ever witnessed.

His hips thrust against mine in a motion that started at his shoulders; I could feel the small of his back arching in and out as he grinded against me, watching me. "You feel so good," he moaned, swaying his hips a little faster, his hand sliding from my face and into hair, where his fingers tangled up against it before giving it a tug.

"FUCK!" I screamed out very, very loudly when he pulled my hair. That mixed with the feeling of him as deep inside of me as possible and the look on his face were all so overwhelming in the best way possible. "You do...too," I managed to actually speak the words through the moans I was no longer able to control. I didn't dare close my eyes. If I did I felt like I would miss something. The way his eyes were so intense while he stared down at me. It was like he could see straight through me and knew every single thing I wanted and needed from him. Even in that moment where my thoughts were scattered all over the place I realized how easily he could consume me and I loved it.

I began pushing my hips towards him as best as I could to meet each of his thrusts. He was hitting my g-spot in just the right way with every movement. I let my legs fall from over his shoulders and wrapped them around his hips so I could move my own hips against his harder. My hands were gripping at his back and I could feel his muscles moving beneath my fingertips.

I slid one of my hands into the back of his hair and raised my head to press my lips against his. It was like I couldn't possibly get enough of him. His touch, his taste, everything. I needed more. I could still taste myself on his tongue which made the kiss even hotter somehow.

We were both losing ourselves in the moment at this point. The headboard of the bed was hitting against the wall quite loudly with our movements. I could feel myself getting closer and closer. It seemed like I never could last very long with him. I'm not complaining about that either.

I broke the kiss and looked up at him for a few moments. I just wanted to memorize how he looked and felt and every single thing about that moment. It was without a doubt the best sex I had ever had.

"I'm gonna cum soon, baby," I whispered as my back arched up from the mattress because of how much more intense everything was starting to feel. You know how that feels, that amazing build up when the pleasure is almost too much to take right before you cum? Oh yeah. I was definitely there.

"I want to feel you cum, baby," he panted, his eyes still glued to mine, his hips thrusting harder, deeper, and faster than before. Sweat trickled down his forehead as his teeth bit down on his bottom lip before he dipped in to kiss me; though he pulled away and brought his hand to my face, moving my hair away from it. "Come on, I want to watch you cum," Dan whispered, tilting his head, eyes devouring me.

I could feel his cock growing inside of me, letting me know that he was getting closer to having an orgasm. "Cum for me, baby," he said, as he pulled one of my arms up above my head. Lacing our fingers together, he gave them a squeeze and like an ocean wave, he rolled his shoulder and the movement swayed down his back and to his hips, that crashed against mine, causing the headboard to knock against the wall even harder.

With that movement he pushed me over the edge. I had no time to tell him it was about to happen but I knew he could feel it because of how hard it rocked my body beneath him. I screamed out as my back arched and my hands squeezed at his back. My legs tensed up still wrapped around him. His name was the only word I could say over and over as my orgasm hit me. Had he not been holding onto me and pushed so deeply inside of me I know that the tightening of my pussy would have forced him out of me. There were little bursts of light

clouding my vision and my ears were ringing from the intensity of it.  
Dan's entire body tensed up as my pussy tightened around his cock and with one final, forceful, deep thrust, his body collapsed against mine. His breath was heavy as is pressed against the crook of my neck.  
"You are amazing," he breathed, moving his body so that he could look up at me. I saw a grin on his lips, one that I'd never seen there before. He brought our laced fingers to his lips and brushed them against the back of my hand. "So, bloody amazing."  
I grinned lazily up at him feeling utterly spent. My whole body was still trembling along with my breathing still being crazy. "You're the amazing one," I whispered while moving my free hand slowly up and down his back. "That was definitely the best welcome home present you could've given me."


	17. 50 Shades of Phangirl

Phil's POV  
I grabbed Leila's hand and quickly pulled her towards the door of my flat. As soon as Dan and Cat disappeared down the hallway I knew what was going to happen and I didn't want to be scarred for life even more by hearing any of Dan's sexual grunting.

"Do you want to go back to your place?" I asked Leila once we were safely in the building's hallway. "We could order a pizza or something. You probably need to rest."

Oh shit. I hope I wasn't already being all overprotective and worrisome. I couldn't help it. I mean, I loved this woman and I would do anything for her. Even when I thought she didn't love me anymore my feelings still remained solid. I knew she was it for me, as crazy as that sounded.

And, of course, she's carrying my child. Our child.  
The thought of that made me feel very strange. I didn't exactly know how to absorb it. I wasn't sure I had completely wrapped my mind around it. I planned on being a father some day but I didn't think it would happen so soon. But apparently it was happening so I figured I better man up and accept it. I could do anything with her by my side. She brought out the best in me.

"Sure," Leila smiled up at me, walking backwards as she tugged my hand, urging me to follow her. "This feels nice, having the four of us all back together again," she commented as she unlocked the door.

She walked in first and I followed behind her, and it wasn't until now that I noticed how messy her apartment was. There were clothes laying over the back of her couch, newspapers and magazines stacked up on her coffee table as well as lots of old Starbucks cups. It was weird how it had been cleaner with two people living in it instead of one.

"Sorry about the mess," she said, moving around the loveseat and over towards the couch so she could sit down. "I haven't really felt like doing much of anything."

I joined her on the loveseat and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. She snuggled up against me with her head lying on my shoulder. "Don't apologize. You've been dealing with a lot. I know." I kissed the top of her hair and smiled. It had been so long since I felt her against me like that and smelled her. That sounds creepy. I'm probably creepy. It's okay.

"Are you hungry?" I asked as I slipped my shoes off. I didn't realize until we sat down how completely exhausted I was physically. My brain was in hyper-active mode though. I wasn't about to let myself go to sleep. I had to make up for the month that I was without her.

"Try starving," she laughed as she tilted her head to the side so that she could look up at me. "I haven't been able to keep anything down lately. Today was the worst it's been though. I think it's because.. I found out," she looked back down at her lap and nuzzled against me.

I couldn't stand the thought of her being sick like that and going through it alone. "I should've just come over here," I sighed as I pushed her hair behind her ear and then moved my fingers under her chin to lift her face again. "I was just scared. I didn't know what I would've said or how I would've handled it if you rejected me to my face. Just please don't think that I stayed away because I didn't care. I've always cared and I'm going to be here to take care of both of you now."

_So weird._ It was so weird to say that. I just could not believe I was going to be a Dad. It didn't feel real.

"Do you want me to order some food for us?" I asked her as I leaned in to press my lips against hers which didn't really give her a chance to answer me but I couldn't resist. I'd gone way too long without being able to kiss her whenever I wanted.

She cupped her hand against my face, broke away from our kiss and gazed up at me. "Hey," she stroked her thumb across my cheek, her eyes studying mine. "I never expected you to after what I did.. and I could have just as easily come to you. Please, don't feel bad over _my _mistake. I was scared and I felt so bad for leaving you the way I did. I shouldn't have left," she shook her head. "I'm sorry.. I know I told you that this morning, but I just wanted you to hear it again."

She pecked a kiss against my cheek and looked at me again, sighing. "I missed you. And yes, please."  
I smiled down at her and kissed her nose. "How about we make that the last time we ever speak of what happened? We're moving on now and we're both okay. I love you and you love me and we love our mini-Phileila," I laughed. "So, what would you like to eat? You know I'm up for pretty much whatever."

Leila immediately scrunched her nose up and grinned at me, "Ugh, I missed those too," she groaned a bit through giggles, referring to my nose kisses. "Mini-Phileila?" she let out a full blown laugh as she shook her head, "And deal. No more talk of that."

"Pizza actually sounds really good," she nodded. "I'm not even feeling sick anymore, really, so I think I'll be able to handle the greasy deliciousness."

"Perfect!" I kissed her nose again just because I could and pulled my phone out of my jacket pocket before scrolling through my numbers for my favorite pizza place. "How many should we get? Do you think the children will come out for a power snack any time soon?"

"You know, we shouldn't even be worried about this whole parenting thing. We do have two grown children already.." she laughed, and it was kind of obvious that she wasn't sure if she should be making jokes like that from the way she said it. "You should probably get two. Our son is a garbage disposal," she said, referring to Dan.

"I'll get 3," I laughed. She was right. Dan was a garbage disposal but so was I. I would gladly spend most of my time eating if I wouldn't end up turning to a total lard ass. I called in the order for the pizzas and walked over to the shelf by the tv that had Cat and Leila's dvds. "Want to watch a movie?"

"Sure," I heard her answer from the kitchen before I actually saw her. She was carrying two bottles of water, which she sat down on the coffee table. "Though, I have to admit, I'm way more interested in cuddling with you while the movie plays," she told me as she made her way towards me. She popped a kiss on my lips then eyed the shelf for a few seconds. "Hm, I'll let you decide on that, while I go grab a blanket," she smiled then trotted out of the living room and down the hallway.

This girl was entirely too amazing. I watched her walk down the hallway like the creeper I am. I couldn't help myself. "Hmmm." I glanced over all of the movies and nothing was really sticking out to me until- "Perfect!" I laughed. Yeah. I was talking to myself. After putting the dvd into the dvd player and grabbing the remote control I sat down on the couch and waited for Leila to come back. I decided to go ahead and start the movie since I knew she had seen it before.

"Hurry Leila and pizza people!" I yelled as I slipped my jacket off.

"Sheesh! I was emptying my bladder as fast I could, Phil," Leila chuckled as she appeared from the hallway, her comforter draped over her head and hanging off of her.

She plopped down beside me and pulled the blanket over our laps then cuddled up against me and looked at the telly. It took a total of three seconds for her to realize what I had put on for us to watch and she instantly started laughing. "_Really_, Phil?" she looked up at me, "Knocked up?" she shook her head.

I couldn't stop myself from laughing really hard. "What? It seems appropriate!" I moved my arm behind her back and pulled her closer to me. "Except for the fact that I don't have a bong that you can tell me to fuck when you get all pissed off at me because of your hormones."

"Fuck you, hormones, you are a crazy bitch, hormones!" she quoted the movie word for word. I told you she'd seen it already. "In my defense, I won't be bitching at _you _to read baby books because I probably won't read any baby books," she laughed. "Also, we weren't drunk when it happened. Or complete strangers."

"This is true," I nodded. "But it was the best sex I have ever had. Bloody hell," I shook my head as I remembered it. "I still can remember exactly what you looked like in that bra and those panties. Oh shit. I better shut up before I get a boner."

"Pft, you better shut up before _I _get a boner. I can still remember the way it felt," she brought her hand to her mouth and I heard a muffled "Oops," followed by the sound of muffled laughter.

I raised an eyebrow and turned my body towards hers so I could see her better. "Oh, you do?" I asked, leaning in closer to her. "I can as well." I continued moving until she had to move back and was lying on the couch. I held my self up with my hands on the cushion beneath her and hovered over her. "I remember how you looked, how you smelled, how you looked at me," I whispered as I leaned down to her neck. I pressed my lips against her skin just below her ear. "I remember how wet you were."

_Ding Dong_

"Shit," I sighed and pressed my forehead against hers. "To be continued," I whispered against her lips before kissing them. I hopped off of the couch and pulled my wallet out as I made my way to the door. After paying for the pizzas I took them to the kitchen and grabbed plates and napkins for us. I was going to get us a few slices and put them on the plates but then I decided against the plates and just grabbed one of the boxes and the napkins. "Who needs plates?" I asked as I put the pizza down on the table in front of her.

"Not us!" Leila smiled as she sat up and reached over the table. "Mmmmm. Smells. So. Good," she practically moaned as she grabbed a piece out of the box and handed it to me before getting a piece for herself. "Oh! We should cheers our pizza like we did our waffles that first time we hung out," she mused, sitting back against the couch as she pulled a pepperoni off of it. "It's weird looking back on that now.. It feels like forever ago but hasn't really been that long at all," she said then popped the pepperoni into her mouth.

I laughed remembering the waffle toast. "It feels like it was years ago honestly. I feel like I've known you for so much longer. Odd that how works out." I held my slice of pizza up and grinned at her. "Here's to us having each other again and to not being horrible parents," I laughed.

She laughed too and hit her slice against mine before taking a bite of it. "Oh my gaww," she mumbled as she chewed, but not in a disgusting, I-can-see-your-half-masticated-food kind of way. "Tastes even better than it smells," she said once her bite was gone. "So.." she glanced over at me, "Did you tell anyone about our um.. embryo_, _other than Dan I mean?"

"Our embryo?" I laughed. "Um, no," I shook my head and looked down at my piece of pizza. "I wanted to wait before telling anyone else. I sort of did some research today while you were at your photoshoot and this site said most parents wait until after the 13th week to let people know about the baby because the weeks before that are more risky. Something like that. Plus I need to figure out a way to explain it to my mother without her having a heart attack."

Leila pressed the back of her hand against her forehead and sighed before letting her arm fall back down. "Whew. Good. I was going to feel like the world's worst daughter if you had told your mom and I hadn't told mine.. I'm in the same boat though. My mom is going to freak the hell out," she shook her head.

I swallowed my bite of food before replying to her. "Well, at least yours will be in a different country," I laughed. "Hell, I'm not sure. My Mom might be thrilled. Martin doesn't have any kids yet. Maybe ours will be a girl." I started laughing again when that reminded me of what we had done to Dan. "I can't believe Dan fell for that so easily when we said we were having a girl and then Cat busted in there. It's a lot easier to troll him with you around." I picked a piece of pepperoni off of my pizza and popped it into my mouth. "Oh, how did your photoshoot go today? And how the hell did Cat manage to sneak back to London without any of us knowing?"

Leila started laughing, "Well, that was Cat's idea, and she's pretty much Dan. So if you think about it, Dan trolled himself?" she shrugged, still laughing. "It was a lot of fun. I really wasn't too thrilled about it until I found at Cat was there. And apparently that sneaky bitch knew she was coming for two weeks! Can you believe that?" She said as she grabbed another piece. "I'm sure it wasn't that easy for her though, not to tell me or Dan she was coming back. I know she wanted to surprise us, and she did, but I know how much she missed us. It had to be torture for her."

"I know that it was," I said as I reached over and picked up another slice for myself. "I could hear her and Dan's Skype conversations sometimes. I think they were pretty much as pitiful as we were," he laughed. "It made me sad that you two didn't have your little bff duo going on. I felt like our awesome 4some fell apart. But now we're back together. Yaaaay!" I held up my pizza slice and did a little dance. "I can't wait to see the photos of you. People magazine. That's pretty amazing, sweetheart."

"I know!" Leila danced around on the couch beside me, wiggling her arms in front of her. "I even missed Dan," she chuckled. "It was weird not having someone make smartass remarks to me every five minutes. But I dished it out just as much as he did.. At one point I would get on Tumblr and just go through and shit talk random people's posts, just about anything. Like 'oh you had a hamburger for dinner? No one gives a fuck, peasant!" she laughed. "I was so lonely and coffee deprived," with a sigh and shifted on the couch then smiled up at me. "I'm sure Cat will let us have a sneak peek at them, but it was really cool that they actually wanted to sit down and talk to me about my book. It's so surreal. All of this, it still seems like a dream."

I loved it when she got excited like that. It was rare to meet someone who was truly passionate about anything but she definitely was. Her eyes just seemed to light up anytime she talked about something or someone she cared deeply for. "I hope she does. I want to see you in model mode," I grinned. "I'm going to buy like 70 copies of that issue. I'll be the dude in the shops holding a ton of the magazines and telling strangers that you're my girlfriend."

She probably thought I was joking but I wasn't. I really, really proud of her.

"And that's just one of the many reasons why I love you. You're so sweet," she leaned up and kissed my cheek. "I'll sign all of them for you and write you a love letter, which is completely unrelated, but I'm better at expressing myself that way, instead of talking. Which is still unrelated. Cat and her a.d.d are getting the best of me," she shook her head. "I still haven't signed the copy of the book you bought. Damn, I'm just going all over the place. I'm pretty sure I just missed talking to you in general," she laughed.

I laughed as I leaned forward and pressed my lips against hers. "I love when you get a.d.d, when you ramble, and pretty much when you do anything. I missed talking to you too. I missed falling asleep next to you and waking up with you even though you wake up way too early sometimes," I laughed. "It will be nice to fall asleep with you in my arms tonight. Naked, to be specific. If I'm lucky," I smirked

She pretty much disregarded everything I said except for the last sentence and mirrored my smirk. "You can get naked right now and get lucky," she held her hands up. "Just throwing that out there," she sniggered, then reached over the table and grabbed the bottles of water she had carried in earlier. She handed one to me before twisting the cap of hers off and helping herself to a drink.

I grinned at her as I opened the bottle of water and quickly took a few sips of it. After sitting it down on the table I stood up without saying anything and pulled the blanket off of her. I bent down and slipped my arms under her thighs and behind her back before I lifted her off of the couch. "Off we go," I said as I walked towards the bedroom. If she wanted naked then she would get naked.

"I'm sure my bed missed you as well," I told her as I sat her down on it. I kissed her lips as my hands slid slowly up the sides of her thighs, over her hips and then beneath her shirt until I felt her soft skin on her sides. Pulling away, I began bringing her shirt up until she raised her arms for me and I pulled it off completely. I bit my bottom lip as I looked over her body. There was something about seeing her only wearing a black lace bra and pants that made me want to attack her.

Her pants were my next goal and I wasted no time popping the button of them open and lowering the zipper. I started pulling them slowly down her thighs and stopped when they were halfway down. I sat next to her and slid one of my hands into her hair before turning her head to face mine. She leaned in to kiss me before I could move again which made me grin against her lips. My other hand slipped between her thighs and moved slowly upwards until I felt the wet lace covering her pussy. "Mmm, someone is eager tonight," I whispered against her lips as I slid my fingers into the side of them quickly finding her swollen clit. I pressed my fingers against it and began moving them in slow circles as my lips moved from hers and slowly down the side of her neck.

"I told you that I missed you," Leila breathed out, her back arching as my fingers grinded against her. Her hands smoothed over my skin as they slid under my shirt, her nails lightly grazing against it as they moved onto my shoulders. "And it's been - ahh-while," her breath got caught in her throat and she tugged at my shirt, her hips lifting off of the mattress, moving against my fingertips.

"Yes it has," I whispered before grazing my teeth over the side of her neck. I moved my hand out of her panties reluctantly and stood up from the bed again before pulling her pants and panties completely off. "Now there is a sight I definitely missed," I told her as my eyes wandered over her body. I knelt down on the floor between her legs leaning over her and kissing from just below her belly button. My hand made it's way between her legs again until I reached her pussy. Without warning I slipped two fingers inside of her slowly, my mouth still moving downward. I kept my eyes on her face until I reached her clit with my lips. I slipped my fingers in deeper, curling them upward to hit that spot that I knew drove her crazy and I covered her clit with my lips and began sucking hard.

"FUCK!" Leila screamed, her thighs instantly squeezing against the sides of my face. I could feel movement on the bed, and though I couldn't see what she was doing, a ruffling of the sheets let me know she had grabbed them and was still pulling on them. Though, when a loud moan escaped her throat I heard her hand slap against her skin, and her moans were muffled.

Even in the midst of sex, she was still adorable.

As I moved my fingers harder inside of her, I could feel her pussy getting wetter, her thighs squeezing tighter against my ears, followed by her fingers knotting up in my hair as she tugged on it.

"Phil - I -" she gasped. Her back arched so high that her hips lifted off of the bed, forcing her pussy against my face. "I'm cumming," she moaned loudly.

She damn sure was. She came so hard that my fingers slipped out of her, and her entire body tensed up, just like last time, then continued to shake as it relaxed against her bed, her legs falling from my face. She was panting for air, and I had to say, I was pretty impressed with myself. That had to be the fastest orgasm I had ever given her.

She tugged on my arms with shaky hands, urging me up to her level, where she immediately started kissing me.

"Bloody hell," I whispered against her lips breathlessly. I think I had nearly cum just from hearing, watching, and feeling that. I slipped my hands into her hair and tugged at it gently as I kissed her, exploring her mouth with my tongue. Every part of her tasted so good. Was there anything about her I didn't love?

"LE LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

We both froze mid kiss and looked towards the door.

"Philertons!"

"Shit!" I quickly moved off of her and grabbed her panties and pants before handing them to her. "The damn kids are such cock blocks," I grumbled as I slid my hand down my own pants in an attempt to adjust the A+ boner I had going on.

Oh hell. Now Cat is influencing _my_ vocabulary.

"Are y'all humping?" I heard Cat call down the hallway.

Poor Leila and her wobbly legs. She stood up from her bed only to fall right back down on it. "No!" she called back to her, standing up again after she had one foot inside of her pants, only this time she fell against a wall, causing a very loud crashing noise. "Damn it!" she laughed. "Your orgasms throw my balance way the fuck off, Phil," she told me, using the wall to keep herself sturdy as she slid her other leg inside of her jeans.

"Sweetheart, be careful," I laughed as I walked over to her and helped her finish putting on her pants. I grabbed her shirt from the floor and handed it to her. I didn't open the door until he had it on because I wouldn't be shocked if Dan were standing right there when I opened it.

I had mentally prepared for him to be there but of course when I opened the door and saw Dan and Cat standing there looking at me like complete weirdos it made me scream. "What the hell?" I shrieked, stepping backwards. "You scared me," I laughed as I put my hand over my heart which had already been beating entirely too fast before they scared me.

"I miss my Lele," Cat pouted up at me. Her hair was an absolute mess and from what I could tell her outfit was made up entirely of Dan's clothes because her shirt reached her knees.

Leila stumbled towards the door from the wall she had been slumped up against. "Here I am," she laughed, accidentally bumping into me. "Woah, sorry babe," she said before kissing the back of my neck, as she was still standing behind me.

"What were you two doing?" Dan asked with his brow raised.

"Phil was trying on earmuffs," Leila shrugged.

Cat and Dan both just stared at her before Cat burst out into a fit of laughter. "Holy shit," she said through her cackling as she grabbed Dan's arm for support.

"What the hell does that even mean?" Dan asked, looking very confused.

"Ear muffs, baby!" Cat laughed. "He was making her kitty purr. Her thighs were the ear muffs. Get it?"

"Oh my God," he laughed, shaking his head. "You Americans are so saucy!"

"Like you're not saucy," I laughed. "Until Cat came around you were the most perverted person I have ever known."

"Wooo! Do I get a trophy? It can be shaped like a penis. Penis trophy!"

"No," Leila sighed, I could feel her shaking her head as she slid her arms around me from behind me. "But you do get pizza, which is way better than a trophy anyways," she told her. "We got the garbage disposal one of his own. That's you, Dan, in case you didn't pick up on that."

"PIZZA?!" Dan looked really bloody excited about this, so excited that he ditched making a comment back to Leila about being referred to as a garbage disposal.

"Did you two have a nice reunion?" Leila asked Cat as she rested her chin on my shoulder.

"Oh yes we did," she grinned at us before looking up at Dan with a look that made me wonder if she was about to pounce him in my hallway. "I'm sorry that we interrupted you guys though, really. I just missed both of you a lot and I wanted to spend a few minutes with you guys."

To be such a spaz, Cat was a genuinely sweet, awesome girl. She was still a bit of a mystery to me but I could say the same for Dan.

"Don't be sorry. I've missed you too," I told her. "Come on. Let's go eat some pizza and have a little foursome reunion."

Cat gasped dramatically. "Phil wants to have a foursome! Everybody get naked!" She then started running down the hallway flailing her arms like a bird. "Pizza, pizza!" she chanted.

I looked down at Leila and shook my head. "I have no words."

"I honestly don't know why I still get surprised when she does stuff like that," Leila laughed as she let go of me and stepped around me. "You would think after five years I would be used to it," she said, looking at me from over her shoulder as she started down the hall.

"Were you two watching Knocked Up?" I heard Dan ask before I could see him sitting on the couch, stuffing his face.

"Phil thought it was appropriate," Leila told him as she plopped down on the loveseat.

"Mmm. This tastes like placenta!" Dan said as he chewed. "OM NOM NOM NOM PLACENTAAAAA."

Before I could say anything, Cat reacted. "Daniel James Howell, that's disgusting!" she scolded him. "Please refrain from tickling my gag reflex with words instead of your penis."

Okay. I definitely wouldn't have said it that way.

"Oh my GLOB!" Leila laughed loudly. "I missed you! LET ME LOVE YOU!" she stood up from the love seat and promptly sat down on Cat's lap and wrapped her arms around her, squeezing her.

It was a funny thing to see, because of the obvious size difference between the two of them.

"I would totally kiss you on the mouth, but I'm pretty sure you just had Dan's weiner in it, so I'll just kiss your cheek," Leila said before pecking Cat's cheek and nuzzling her face against it.

Cat covered her mouth while she laughed because she had just taken a huge bite of pizza. "Actually, I have never had Dan's weiner in my mouth. We rarely last very long with foreplay," she laughed and laid her head on Leila's arm. "I missed my Lele."

"Awwww! You two are so cute," I blurted out. I sounded so super manly in that moment. But they did look cute!

"Awwwwww," Dan instantly mocked me while fishing his phone out of his pocket. "Here, Phil, I'll take a picture of it for you," he said as he chewed and tapped his phone with his thumb before holding it up and pointing it at Leila and Cat. "Say, Placenta!"

Leila cuddled up against Catherine and smiled, "Placenta!" she said, while Cat said, "That's fucking disgusting, Dan!" but smiling nonetheless.

The flash went off and Dan looked at the picture and started laughing, "Look! Phil is just in the background looking like a fucking creep!" he continued to laugh as he turned the phone around to show us the picture.

"Oh God! I look like a mouth breather. Ew! Delete it," I said while making what I'm sure was a horrible face.

"Phil, you do not look like a mouth breather!" Cat was scolding me now. "You're Phil and you're cute and cuddly and sweet and aaaaaaaaawwwww!" she said in a baby voice while simultaneously snuggling up to Leila.

"Ha. Ha." I said in a mocking sort of way while looking at Dan. "Your girlfriend thinks I'm cute."

"Yeah? Well your girlfriend thinks I'm-" he paused and looked over at Leila.

"Mildly retarded," she filled in before laughing.  
Dan then continued to fake pout.

"Just kidding.. Okay, well I'm not, but I also think that you are.." she tapped her chin. "Exceptionally ordinary,"

"You're so mean, Leila!" Dan proceed to fake-weep.

Of course I was very open with my loud laughter. Cat buried her face against Leila's shoulder in an attempt to muffle her own but it didn't work because I could definitely hear her.

"I'm so proud right now," I told them through my fit of laughter. "Leila 1, Dan 0."

Leila smiled at me then glanced over at Dan who was looking between all of us with his best 'I am not amused face.' "Oh come on, Dan, don't get your knickers in a twist," she faked a British accent.

"YOUR BABY IS GOING TO BE WRAPPED IN A PLACENTA!" he shouted, like that was supposed to be offensive.

"You were wrapped in a placenta, Dan," she shook her head.

"Yeah? Well I'm-"

Leila cut him off, "Mentally deficient. We established this."

"I'm going to throw a pillow at your forehead birthing area! You're evil!"

"Zebra," Leila said for no reason, again using our accent.

Once again Cat and I were thrown into a very loud giggle fit. Watching those two together was better than watching a movie. It was hilarious how Leila had this ability to just win against Dan in conversations like this.

"This is why we can't have nice things!" Cat yelled out of nowhere but was still laughing at the same time. "Lele, if y'all have a girl you should name her Catherine. Just sayin," she informed Leila randomly as she reached up to play with her hair.

"That'd be incredibly confusing," I laughed. "If you were here and we were talking to the baby you'd be like What? Me? I don't want to be breast fed!"

Cat looked over at me with an absolutely horrified face. "Phil, what the hell is going on in that head of yours?" she laughed. "Gah. Placentas and breast milk. Madness, I tell you."

Leila was doubled over on Cat's lap laughing so hard that she went silent, her body just heaving, laughing so hard that she couldn't breath. "I can't," she gasped, holding her hand up.

"What in the actual fuck is going on right now?" Dan chimed in with a laugh. "And wait.. _if _she has a girl? I thought you two knew you were having a girl," he said, completely oblivious to everything.

"Dan," Cat laughed. "Baby, there's no way to tell what the sex of the baby is yet. They were just saying that cause I was surprising you and I'm a girl. But I think you know that."

"Dan, you have to be smarter than that," I added as I stood up to walk to the kitchen. I opened the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water before coming back and taking my seat again. I looked around at the three of them and I had to smile. I didn't realize how much I'd missed that because I'd been so focused on Leila. It was like we had our own little dysfunctional family.

"No he doesn't," Leila took another jab at him.

"Because I'm supposed to know everything about childbirth," he rolled his eyes.

"You know enough about placentas.." Leila laughed. "If Cat didn't talk about your penis so much I would think you had a vagina."

"Oh, trust me. He has a penis. It is a wonderful penis. My vagina missed it very much. She's now in a slumber because she was so exhausted by their intense reunion."

I covered my ears and shook my head. "Do not want. Abort the mission."

Cat laughed. "Awww. Sorry Phil. I can't help that your best friend's penis is majestic."

I wrinkled my nose.

"Phil's penis is exquisite!" Leila smiled and looked from Catherine to me. "It's very generous," she nodded. "It was so nice to me the last time I was around it. It gave me nine orgasms and a baby!"

This time Dan joined Cat and I with our loud laughter. My face was starting to hurt from laughing so much.

"NINE?!" Cat suddenly asked with a surprised look on her face. "That's insanity! How did you live through that?" she laughed.

"I didn't even think I would," I added.

"I couldn't walk after. Phil had to carry me," Leila nodded.

"Wow, this conversation escalated quite quickly," Dan commented. "Who in the fuck goes from talking about placentas and breast milk - actually, who the fuck has conversations about those things anyways?"

"You do.." Leila laughed.

"Dude, imagine if they heard all the shit we talked about before we met them and even after we met them," Cat laughed. "I mean, seriously," she looked up at Leila with her best serious expression.

I was intrigued. "Oh, I'd love to hear this. Wouldn't you, Dan?"

Dan was smiling, shifting his eyes from me, to Leila, and finally to Cat. "Of course I would. Out with it," he said, his brow raised.

"Are you sure?" Leila laughed. "Because we had some pretty... _colorful_ conversations about the two of you."

Dan and I just kept looking between them waiting for their explanations.

"Where should we start? The cum face conversation?" Leila asked, her eyes on Catherine.

"Oh yes, the cum face," Cat laughed.  
I know I probably looked like a deer in headlights. "What the hell?"

"The cum face," Cat repeated herself. "We would be watching y'all's videos and sometimes you guys would make certain faces that we would pause on and see if it looked like what we thought your cum face would be."

I looked from Cat to Leila and then to Dan before facepalming myself. "Oh God," I laughed.

"Hey, you guys asked," she held her hands up, looking at me. "I always liked pausing when you would cross your eyes at the camera. It kind of turned into a game. Cat and I would sit around with our laptops, drinking beer and out of nowhere you would hear one of us yell 'CUM FACE!' and then we would show each other and proceed to giggle for a good ten minutes over it," Leila explained, laughing. "I'm sure our neighbors were very confused by these outbursts."

"I'm just blown away right now," I told them as I shook my head and laughed. "That's absolutely hilarious to hear coming from you two. I've had some weird stuff sent to me online but that has to be one of my favorite things I've heard yet."

"Oh, ya'll know you're flattered," Cat laughed. "We're fangirls. That's how we roll."

"You two do a good job of hiding it," Dan commented. "I mean I've never heard either of you say anything mindblowingly... out there. I mean, that's.. different, but we've been hit with a lot worse."

"We said that we're fangirls, not psychotic," Leila laughed. "There is a difference. We know what is okay to say out loud and what we should keep to ourselves, or just between the two of us."

"Oh?" Dan perked his brow and stared at them. "What's something you two have kept quiet about?" he asked, and I could tell that he was thoroughly interested.

Cat and Leila looked at each other at the same time and started laughing; like they both knew what the other was thinking without saying a word.

"Well, what is it?" I asked them sounding a little bit too eager. But I really, really wanted to know what it was.

"Hmm. I don't know if we should tell them, Lele," Cat said with her evil grin on full display.

"Oh now you _have _to tell us," Dan nodded. "Seriously, if you don't, I'm withholding my penis from you," he threatened. I'm pretty sure it was empty.

"I don't either," Leila said, her grin mirroring Cat's. "I'm not sure how they would feel about it."

"Psh. You're not withholding your penis and you know it," Cat laughed.

"My thoughts exactly," I added, rolling my eyes at him. "Come on, girls! We're all friends here. We're both madly in love with you. Share!"

Cat looked over at me and grinned. "I'm so glad you're madly in love with me Phil."

I laughed. "Cat, stop trying to change the subject, please ma'am."

"I'll let you do the honors since I've already given out earth shattering info today," Leila told Cat and Cat pressed her face against Leila's side while laughing.

"Oh God. I can't believe I'm about to admit this," she said as she pulled away and then leaned her head back against the chair again. "Uh. So, y'all know that Fifty Shades of Phan fanfiction that everyone was talking about a few months ago?"

I raised an eyebrow. "Um. Yes." Of course we did. The Phandom exploded. It was fanfiction that was filled with stories about Dan and I having submissives and all sorts of kinky stuff. I'm pretty sure Dan had a printed copy of it somewhere because he was so into it.

"Well. We sort of, kinda wrote that," Cat told us before biting down on her lip and attempting to control a fit of giggles, while Leila proceeded to hide behind her hands in shame.

I just stared at both of them with what I'm sure was a very shocked expression.

"WHAT?!" Dan shrieked, his eyes were huge as he gawked at them and then looked at me only to look back at them again. "Just... WHAT?!" he looked like he couldn't believe that they could have been behind that. "I don't even know what to fucking say right now," he shook his head. "You two? _Really_? It was you two who wrote all of that... I don't even have a proper word to describe what the fuck that was."

I looked from Dan to the girls and Cat was literally stuffing her head into Leila's shirt to hide from us. "There is not a GIF to express how I feel right now!" she yelled from inside the shirt.

"Wow." I finally managed to shove a word out of my mouth. "Really? Wow," I laughed. "I mean, that was some seriously intense stuff. I mean, I would say that I'm shocked that those things came from your brains but now that I think of it I'm really not."

"I-" Dan shook his head. "Why the fuck haven't we done half of the kinky shit you wrote about! Wait, wait, wait!" he held his hand up, laughing now, a very shocked kind of laughter. "Who wrote what? Like, who in the fuck wrote about me fapping in so much detail that the vein in my cock was described?!"

The girls were silent but I saw Leila look down at the bulge in the side of her shirt that was Cat's head. "I did," Cat responded as she pulled her head out of the shirt and then shook her head around. "What? At least we didn't write about you two fuckin each other up the ass!"

"Good point," I laughed. "Okay, so who wrote the thing about me having sex with some girl in the bathroom of a busy restaurant without bothering to lock the door or anything and it more or less turns into an orgy with the staff?"

"You read that?!" Leila gasped, slapping her hand over her mouth, a very guilty expression on her face. She didn't have to say that he was the one behind it, her reaction told on her.

I couldn't keep myself from laughing at the insanely guilty expression on her face. "Yeah! Did you write that, Leila Faust?" I had to take the opportunity to tease her.

"Leila is a kinky little thing," Cat said while wiggling her hips which made Leila bounce around on her lap.

"I wrote all of your sexual adventures in that story," she admitted, shaking her head. "Cat wrote all of Dan's, just so you know," she said before finally removing her hands from her face. "I can't believe we just told you guys that.. And I can't believe you had actually read it! I expected it out of Dan, but not you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Dan shrieked. "Phil is just as twisted as I am! And apparently so are both of you."

"I am not twisted!" I defended. "How the hell am I twisted?"

"Oh everyone is a little twisted," Cat waved her hand through the hair. "Some just choose to embrace it more than others. Dan and I obviously embrace ours openly. You and Lele are closet twisteds."

"Closet twisteds. I don't think twisteds is even word."

"Eat my box, Phil!" Cat stuck her tongue out at me.

"Have you two ever thought about getting that published? I would buy a copy of it. It's fucking saucy," Dan said seriously, wiggling his eyebrows.

"No!" Leila said, almost interrupting Dan. "First, um, no, second, that's illegal, unless you two give us permission, and third, no," she shook her head.

"Cat doesn't get a say?" he raised his brow. "That's not fair."

"Cat, do you really want smut published under your name?" Leila asked. "And, I'm sure Phil doesn't want a book -" she stopped abruptly, still shaking her head. "No. Just, no."

"And hell no," Cat added. "I can see it now. Author Leila Faust and photographer Catherine Radley have caused what is known as a massive shit storm online with the release of their book of hard core sexual adventures." She laughed, shaking her head. "I'd rather keep that shit in the fanfiction land but it is flattering that you think it's that good."

"I'm going to have to side with the girls on this one. Can you imagine what our parents would say if they found out our girlfriends published a book about you and I having sex with women?"

"Oh come on, Phil. I know you keep your image squeaky clean because you have really young fans, but you're acting like you don't have sex period, which we all know is bullshit," Dan nodded towards Leila. "Couldn't be any worse than telling them that said girlfriend is pregnant," he shrugged.

"Dan, you've read that fan fiction. It's not just about sex. It's about us tying women up and spanking them among other things. You're right. I do try to keep a clean image because of the kids but I'm not running around pretending I don't have sex with my girlfriend or that her pussy isn't my favorite flavor in the world."  
I had to add that last part just because he was trying to make me out to be some sort of goodie goodie and wouldn't expect me to say it.

Cat turned and looked at me with her mouth hanging open and I just looked at Leila, winked and shrugged my shoulders. "Just being honest."

"I should move before I leave a puddle in your lap," Leila laughed, scooting off of Cat's lap where she'd been sitting the entire time.

Dan just shook his head. It was obvious that he no longer had an argument, or else he would have said something. Dan isn't the type of person to hold back.

"This was one hell of a reunion," Leila made a face that said _well then, _and looked between the three of us sitting around her.

I reached out for her hand and pulled her over to me so that she'd have to sit on my lap before I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her closer to me. "I think it's been an awesome reunion. How about you guys?" I peeked over Leila's shoulder to see that Cat had taken her place next to Dan and had her legs stretched across his lap.

"I think it's been amazetits!" Cat said excitedly while giving me a thumbs up. "The foursome is back together!"

* * *

**A/N: We have no idea if there really is a Phanfiction called 50 Shades of Phan. We made it up as we wrote this chapter. If there is one - we are NOT claiming that we wrote it. **


	18. The Kool Kats Club

**Dan's POV **

You know those mornings - or afternoons - where you wake up and you're completely rejuvenated and actually wide awake. Like you completely skip the yawning and stretching and being so groggy that you feel like you need to guzzle five cups of coffee just so you can see straight?

I was having one of those mornings.

Cat was still asleep, her head resting on my shoulder, her arms wrapped around me, securing herself against me. I watched her like that for quite some time, just taking it in. This had been the first morning in over a month that that this had happened.

I found myself sporting what I'm sure was a child-like grin. Waking up like _this _just made me happy. A kind of happy I'd never really experienced before.

I rubbed my hand up and down her arm and stroked pieces of her raven hair away from her face as I placed a kiss on the top of her head. The clock on the wall on the other side of the room read 11:15. I was up early.

Yeah, I know what you're thinking. Dan, 11:15 isn't _early. _

It is for me.

As much as I enjoyed watching Catherine sleep, I missed her too much _not _to wake her up.

Again, I know what you're thinking - she's laying right beside you. I would say that you have a point, but you hadn't just gone five weeks without seeing the woman that you're in love with. There was still a lot of time that we had to make up for.

"Psssst," I whispered, carefully wiggling my body down a bit so that I could be somewhat eye level with her. My nose brushed against hers and I smiled again as her breath pressed against my lips.

I brought my hand up to her face and stroked my thumb across her cheek before brushing my lips over hers, "Good morning, baby," I smiled wider seeing her eyes flutter open.  
She stared up at me with a confused expression for a second before smiling and wrapping her arms around me to pull herself closer. "Good morning sexiest man ever," she grinned. "I missed waking up with you. I forgot where I was for a second."

"Mmm, I was just thinking about how much I'd missed this too," I grinned, slipping both of my arms around her, nuzzling my nose against hers before pressing another soft kiss against her lips. "Did you sleep well?"

Her hands began moving softly and slowly up and down my back. It was always so relaxing to have her doing that. "Mmmhm," she answered as she pressed her lips against mine again. I felt her grinning as she wiggled her hips a bit. "What's that poking my hip, Daniel?"

"What do you think it is?" I asked, my lips still lingering against hers before I pressed them together, dipping in to kiss hers. In process of kissing her, I rolled onto my side, then onto my stomach, laying on top of her before pushing my weight onto my palms, slowly backing away from her lips to place a kiss on her jawline.

She tilted her head back a bit to give me access to her neck. "A banana?" she asked, already sounding insanely turned on. She moved her legs up and wrapped one of her legs around my hip before pushing her hips up against mine which made my cock rub against her pussy.

I immediately realized that she was very wet and very not covered by panties. I didn't even know she'd fallen asleep without any on but there she was only wearing my t-shirt.

"Close enough," my lips vibrated against her throat as I placed soft kisses across it, stopping once they met with the fabric of my shirt. "Mmm, this has got to go," I informed her, sliding one my hands up her side, pushing the shirt along with it. Once she had tugged it over her head and tossed it across the room, I leaned back in against her, picking up where I had left off, leaving soft kisses from her collarbone onto her chest.

She started grinding her hips into mine making the shaft of my cock rub against her pussy which was feeling entirely too good. I couldn't believe she was so wet that quickly. Her hands were roaming all over my back, her fingernails grazing over my skin randomly. Little moans were coming from her parted lips as my lips moved over her skin and she continued moving her hips. "One sudden movement and you'll be inside of me," she whispered with a mischievous tone behind her words. She was right. The head of my cock was very nearly slipping inside of her each time she moved her hips.

And she wondered why we didn't get around to much foreplay. Well actually she never wondered that. So I have no idea why I said it.

Two could play that game. I, very carefully, pressed my hips in against hers, forcing my head inside of her tight wet pussy; Obviously I hadn't been thinking, because as much as it was teasing her, it was teasing me.

"Okay, that backfired," I laughed, pulling my hips away as I reached over to my nightstand to grab a condom. As good as she felt around me, there would be no way I could stop myself if we went on without one. And I loved the way she felt when she came around me.

Oh bloody hell, stop thinking like that, Dan, or you're going to cum right now.

Once I got the condom unwrapped I leaned back down and kissed her again as I unrolled it down my shaft. Catching her bottom lip between my teeth, I tugged on it and simultaneously slid my cock inside of her, slowly, teasingly.

Once the head met with the back of her walls I looked down at her, studying her as I swayed my hips in and out, a grin curving my lips.

Her mouth fell open but no sound came out as she tilted her head back, her back arching up from the bed while her hands gripped at my sides. "Fuck. I swear that is the best feeling in the world," she told me as she tilted her head forward again and made eye contact with me. One of her hands moved to the back of my neck and she pulled me down before her lips pressed hard against mine. Her moans were lost in our kiss but were still quite loud. I felt her open her legs further for me and her fingernails pressed into my lower back before she slowly began dragging them up my skin.

"Second best," I mumbled against her lips. The best feeling in the world was obviously how it felt from my end. How warm and tight and wet she was. How eager she was only moments after waking. She was perfect. My hips continued to sway at the same slow speed - because if I went as fast and as hard as I usually did, well, Cat would be mighty disappointed with me.

My stamina is shit anyways, but it's even worse when I first wake up. I brought my hand to the side of her face and caressed her cheek as I pulled away again, gazing down at her. Settling my weight on my forearm, I trailed my fingertips down her stomach and onto her clit, grinding them against it as I continued moving my hips, forcing my cock deep inside of her. "How does that feel?" I asked in a low, lustful voice.

Her breath caught in her throat and she gasped loudly. I could feel her body tense up beneath me and her walls contracts against my length. "Amazing," she breathed and bit down hard on her bottom lip as her moaning started to get louder. One of her hands moved from my back and onto the back of my head where she gripped onto my hair and tugged it a bit. Her eyes fluttered open again and met with mine. I watched as she stared up at me, her eyes never leaving mine while she moaned out my name.

She lifted her head from the pillow to kiss my lips hard while she began to grind her hips against mine while I continued moving inside of her and rubbing her clit. She was trembling all over so I knew she was close. "I love you," I heard and felt her whisper against my lips out of nowhere. I wasn't sure that she had ever said that when we found ourselves in this situation. Actually, I was sure. I would've remembered that.

"I love you too," I breathed out against her lips before kissing her again. I could feel her tighten up even more around me, and knew that it would be okay to let myself go a little bit faster.

Pushing myself onto my palms I dug my hips upward, thrusting harder and deeper inside of her. I used my shoulder to get a better momentum going, my body, once again like a wave, rolling down my back and onto my hips that crashed against hers. "I want you to cum with me," I whispered, my eyes glued to hers. "Come on, baby," I urged her, nailing against her.

I'm sure everyone on our floor could hear the moans that I was getting out of her. I loved every second of it and it only pushed me closer to my climax. I knew as soon as she came that I would lost it which was fine with me. It felt better when I could cum with her.

Her fingers tightened in my hair making it nearly painful with she pulled it and I could feel her nails digging into my back. "Dan," she moaned my name in the sexiest way I have ever heard it before her entire body tensed up and her mouth fell open but no sound came out. I could feel her starting to cum and I pushed myself deeper inside of her which finally caused a scream to escape her throat.

I watched her eyes literally roll back as her back arched up from the mattress. Her hands moved quickly to my back so she could cling to me as if she was somehow trying to get us to be even closer.

It took a total of three seconds from that point for me to be done and my body, quite literally, collapsed. I felt like I'd just ran a bloody marathon.

Orgasms with this girl were something else entirely.

I was panting for air as I laid on top of her, even though I hadn't really strained myself at all. I felt a little light headed but I think that's because all of the blood in my body had been shifted so quickly.

"You deserve a medal," I laughed once I'd caught my breath. I pushed myself up again and kissed her before pulling myself out of her and standing up off of the bed and going to the bin on the other side of the room. After throwing away the condom I just kind of looked at her before I crawled back into bed, admiring how she looked while she laid there, naked.

She looked perfect.

"I'm so glad you're here," I told her for about the 500th time since she had gotten back the previous day, then crawled over her and snuggled up against her. "And that you don't have to work today. I'm excited about doing absolutely nothing all day today with you."

She rolled over onto her side and wrapped her leg around me as well as her arm before leaning forward and placing a soft, quick kiss on my lips. "I'm beyond glad that I'm here. I finally feel like I'm home again," she smiled. "And I'm perfectly content staying in bed naked all day." She wiggled her eyebrows and laughed.

"Good," I smiled and pecked my lips against hers, though, no sooner than I pulled away a very loud growl came from the depths of my stomach. It sounded like one of Phil's weird animal noises. "Oh fuck," I laughed. "I'm starving," I really was. It was one of those random spurts of starving too. Where you feel fine one second, and the next, it's like your stomach is starting to digest itself. "I'm hungry, so I'm going to have to get out of bed, which ruins my plans of being a waste of life."

"Hey, I'll gladly get out of bed for food," she laughed as she sat up and then crawled over me before walking across the room still completely naked. Sometimes I was convinced that she was on a constant mission to get me hard. She picked up my shirt from the floor and slipped it over my head before grabbing a pair of my sweat pants from the floor as well and putting them on which was hilarious because they were way too long for her.

"I'm just so sexy," she said while doing some sort of strange model pose. "I don't know why I'm not a famous supermodel. I mean seriously." She flipped her hair as she walked towards the door swaying her hips in a very exaggerated way.

I didn't bother with finding a shirt, I just grabbed a clean pair of briefs and another pair of sweatpants and headed down the hallway, making a pitstop by the bathroom so I could 'rock a piss' as Cat would say. After washing my hands and brushing my teeth I walked into the kitchen to see that Catherine was pulling things out of the refrigerator.

Not only was she hilarious, beautiful, sexy, sweet, and fun, she could also cook.

"Another thing I missed while you were away," I said against her ear as I wrapped my arms around her from behind her. Placing a kiss against it, I pulled away and walked over to the table, taking a seat at it so I could watch her.

"What are you making us?" I asked, tilting my head a bit so I could try to see what she was doing.

"Waffles, of course," she flashed a grin and then winked at me. "Is there anything you'd like to eat with the waffles? I should probably make a big batch in case Phil and Leila drop by. I'm not sure of what they're up to today."

"Bacon!" I blurted out. "Uhh.." I looked around the kitchen, as if one of the walls could tell me what the mighty Phileila were doing today. "I'll call Phil," I told her as I stood up. I walked back down the hall to my bedroom and grabbed my phone, scrolling through my contacts until I got to his number.

Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring.

I heard what sounded like something falling before Phil finally answered the phone. "What?" he said flatly. Obviously he had still been asleep.

"Wow, nice way to answer the phone, Phil," I said. I did it to annoy him, because that's what I did best. "What are you and your baby's mum doing today?" I asked as I walked back down the hallway and into the kitchen, taking my seat at the table again.

He cleared his throat. "I dunno yet. I don't think Leila has to work. She's still sleeping. We were up uh, rather late. Why?"

"Up late, huh?" I asked, tilting my head as I watched Catherine bend over to grab something out of the fridge. Unf, that woman's ass was visible even when she was wearing clothes that were far too big. "Well Cat is making breakfast and she wanted to know if she needed to make enough for all of us or just enough for the two of us," I told him.

"What's she making?" It was like he suddenly woke up with the flip of a switch. "Waffles?" he asked hopefully. That man and his waffle addiction. It was mind boggling.

"Placenta.. Of course she's making waffles. She's almost as obsessed with them as you are," I laughed. "And she's making bacon. Can we count you in or out?"

"In! Very in! We'll be there in a bit. Thanks," he spoke rather quickly before hanging up.

I laughed as I sat my phone down on the table. "Phileila will be joining us," I informed Cat as I stood up. "Do you need help with anything?"  
She turned around with a bowl while stirring the batter in it. "Nope. Just sit there and talk to me. That's all I need," she smiled. "Actually being near you has made me realize how much I missed little things like this."

Doing as I was told, I sat back down and leaned against the back of the chair. "Me too," I smiled, resting my chin against my palm. I opened my mouth to speak but a knock at the door stopped me and I looked over at my shoulder at it.

"That was fast," I commented with a laugh. "Phil must have smelled you mixing the batter."

Standing up from my chair, I walked towards the door to hear another knock. "I'm coming Phil, fuck," I groaned, sounding like walking to the door was the hardest thing I'd ever have to do. "You know, if you would actually carry your key like a normal person, you wouldn't have this problem," I said as I unlocked the deadbolt and opened the front door.

I was mildly confused because I didn't see anyone there at first - not until I looked down. "You're not Phil," I laughed, pointing at the blonde girl that was standing in front of me. "Um, can I help you?" I asked.

"Hi!" The girl I had never seen before in my life greeted me. She looked to be about Cat's height so obviously she was short and she was definitely not from England. "Um. I know we don't know each other or whatever but I just moved in down there," she pointed down the  
other side of the hall. "And all I have to eat for breakfast is cornflakes which are disgusting without sugar and I was wondering if you might have some you could spare?"

"Who is it, babe?" I heard Cat in the kitchen and turned to look at her just as she was walking over to the door. She looked as confused as I was when she saw our new neighbor but still smiled.

"I'm sorry!" The girl laughed, "I'm McKenzie, I just moved in down the hall a few days ago and I was asking-" she looked up at me and tilted her head.

"Dan," I filled in, "And this is my girlfriend Cat," I told her.

"Dan, if he had any sugar he could spare for my cornflakes," she explained to Cat, smiling at her.

Cat wrinkled her nose. "Cornflakes?" she asked as if cornflakes were the equivalent to poop or something. "Ew. No. Come eat with us. I'm making waffles," she offered, waving the girl in.

"Seriously?" she asked, looking from me to Cat. "I don't want to intrude."

"Oh, you're not," Cat smiled. "Our friends will be over in a minute. I'm making a lot. Please. I insist."

This must be that whole southern hospitality thing I've always heard about. I would've handed the girl a bag of sugar and sent her on her merry way.

She walked in and I closed the door behind her as she and Cat walked towards the kitchen. "Feel free to sit wherever. The coffee will be done in just a sec and I'm working on the waffle part now," Cat told her as she opened the waffle iron to check on the food.

"Wow. Cool place," the girl said as she looked around. "Hey, where are you from? I can tell you're definitely not from here," McKenzie laughed.

I snuck into the kitchen while this was going on and peeked over Cat's shoulder to see if there was anything I could steal a nibble of.

"I'm from Louisiana. Dan, stop!" she laughed and swatted at my hand. "Where are you from?"

"Chicago," she replied as she sat down at our dining table. "I'm studying abroad here for 2 semesters. I got here a little early, obviously, so I could get to know London before school starts."

"Kick ass. How do you like it so far?"

"It's different," she laughed. "But I'm falling in love with it."

Cat turned around and smiled at her. "Trust me. You won't want to leave." She glanced over at me and I couldn't miss the fact that her smile got even bigger.

I leaned against the counter and smiled back at her before turning my attention to McKenzie, who had just looked away from me and to the wall.

"I love Muse!" She commented, turning her attention back to me.

"They're pretty amazing, but that's my roommates doings," I gestured towards the picture she had just been looking at.

"What are you doing here?" McKenzie asked Catherine, sounding very curious.

"Well, I came here with my best friend who got a job opportunity and then I got a job in LA so I was back there for a while and thankfully they transferred me here again so, I'm here to stay," she told her while leaving out as many details as possible. I knew her. She was trying not to brag even though she had a right to.

"Awesome! What do you do?"

"Uh," she hesitated, her back still towards us. "I'm a photographer."

She gasped and looked very intrigued at that point. I don't know why but she gave me an odd feeling. Like, her vibes were weird.  
But I'm socially awkward so I figured it was just me.

"That's so cool! What do you take pictures of?"

"She's a photographer for People magazine," I finally blurted out to avoid all of the questions.

Her eyes got wide and Cat turned around to see the look on her face which made her laugh. "Yeah. That's pretty much my reaction every time I remember that that is my job."

"So, you get to meet celebrities and stuff?"

Cat nodded. "Yep. It's definitely something I never thought I'd get to do but I have him to thank for it," she gestured towards me and grinned.

McKenzie then turned her stare towards me. "What do you do?"

I opened my mouth to answer her, but was stopped by the sound of the door opening. Oh, Phileila, and your perfect timing. First of all, I don't know this girl, second, how the hell do you explain Youtube? Well other than just saying, I make videos for Youtube.

"Oh God, I've lost my appetite," Leila said as soon as she walked through the door.

"Are you feeling ill, sweetheart?" Phil asked worriedly.

"No, but if I have to look at Dan without a shirt for much longer I might," she laughed, moving towards the table.

"Oh, you're so funny," I rolled my eyes. But I reckon she had a point. It was kind of rude to walk around half naked with a stranger in your house.

I moved up off of the counter and walked into the living room where I knew I had a hoody laying and slid it over me, covering myself up.

"Hey babies," Cat greeted them. "We've got a new neighbor," she said while pointing at McKenzie. "This is McKenzie from Chicago. She wanted sugar for cornflakes but I told her she has to stuff her face with waffles."

"Hey! Nice to meet both of you," McKenzie greeted them.

"Hi. I'm Phil," Phil said in his 'I'm awkward Phil' way.

"I'm Leila," Leila smiled and waved as she sat down at the table across from McKenzie.

I took my place at the counter again, looking between everyone, but my eyes lingered around Phil a bit longer than anyone else, like I was trying to get his opinion of the girl he'd just met, but he was too interested in waffles to care to notice.

"Lele, how you feelin babe?" Cat asked as she walked over with a plate that was piled up with waffles. How the hell she did that that fast, I don't know. "Dan, can you come get some plates please?" she asked while looking all cute and shit like she really needed to do that to persuade me.

Well, I am a lazy asshole so I guess she might think she needed to.

"These look and smell amazing!" McKenzie commented as I stood up from my chair. Why did I feel like she was a chick from an infomercial or something?

"My boobs feel like rocks," Leila said out of nowhere, which caused me to spout out a nice, "What the fuck?" followed instantly by laughter as I opened up a cabinet to get some plates down. I didn't even count them to see how many I got or even needed, I just grabbed a handful and walked back into the dining area and started sitting them down in front of all of the chairs.

"That sounds pleasant," Cat laughed. "And it immediately made me think of cat rock!" she laughed. "You know, from that Italy video?"

The fact that she knew my videos that well inflated my ego quite a bit and I couldn't stop myself from grinning. "Yes, I remember."

"Oh my God," Phil managed to say with his mouth full. "Cat, please, please never move away."

"I don't plan on going anywhere, Philertons," she laughed and again I couldn't keep myself from smiling. I didn't want her to go anywhere.

"So, you guys are best friends?" McKenzie asked Leila while pointing between her and Cat.

Leila furrowed her eyebrows together while she chewed up a piece of bacon, "It's that obvious?" she laughed, then glanced at Catherine.

"Well, she said she came here with her best friend. I was just trying to put it all together," McKenzie smiled, and Leila looked a lot less confused now.

"Oh, yeah," she nodded. "We're like each other's shadows," Leila told her.

"So what do you do?!" McKenzie asked before Leila could take another bite from her plate.

"I write?" she shrugged, like she wasn't sure what the hell she did. "I haven't been doing much of that though," Leila said, then quickly took a bite before McKenzie could ask her another question.

"Oh, so what are you doing here? Cat said that you got a job here and that's why you two moved here," McKenzie went on. Jesus on a boat this girl was chatty.

"I'm.. working on a movie," she answered her, shifting her eyes around awkwardly. She was just as modest as Catherine. If it weren't for Phil and I, I don't think anyone they met would know how badass they both were.

"A movie?!" McKenzie shrieked. "Oh my God! So you both like work with celebrities, that's awesome!"

I saw Phil's eyebrow raise in that subtle 'I'm judging you right now' way that I probably only ever noticed because he judged me so much. Cat was reaching over him to place down a plate of bacon.

"We definitely have interesting lives," Cat said as she walked around the table and took her spot next to me. She leaned over and kissed my cheek as she was reaching for some waffles.

"What kind of movie is it going to be?" McKenzie asked Leila. I felt like we were in a bloody interview. I wondered if anyone else was having these thoughts. I looked over at Cat and she seemed oblivious because she was concentrating on smothering her waffles with enough syrup to make her bounce off the walls for 5 hours.

Leila's fork was by her mouth, and again, she was interrupted from eating to answer the girl's question. She didn't look too bothered by it though, which was disappointing. I wouldn't have minded hearing her yell at this girl.

Damn it, why am I thinking like that? Did this poor girl really deserve that kind of wrath?

Did _anyone _deserve that?

"It's based off of this book I wrote about Oscar Wilde's insane love affairs with young men, so a period movie. I'm here overseeing it," she explained.

"Oh, that's really cool. I loved Pride and Prejudice!" McKenzie giggled.

Honestly, I was bloody surprised that she knew what a period movie was. I figured she would think it was some kind of chick flick that girls watch while on their periods.

"It's not anything like that, but it was a good movie. Even better book," Leila commented, still being very friendly.

"I'm gonna fangirl so hard when that movie comes out. If I see a trailer I'm gonna be all," Cat held her arms in the air and then flailed them while shaking her head around. "But I'll be squealing super loud at the same time."

Phil almost choked on his bite of waffle which was the first sound I'd heard from him in quite some time. It was hard to get a word in around this chick though.

McKenzie laughed at Cat with the rest of us and turned her attention towards me and her again. "How did you two meet and get together and all that? You're a super cute couple!"

Cat grinned at me and then crossed her eyes and made a really fucking weird face at me. "You wanna explain that one, babe?" she asked while lifting her coffee cup to her lips.

Watching her lips made me wish my stomach would've shut the fuck up earlier so I could be watching them wrapped around my -

Focus, Dan. Shit.

"Uh.. Sure, babe," I smiled at her then looked over at McKenzie, who was looking at me looking really fucking perky. Like she'd had nine glasses of coffee. "So me and Phil were at this shop a few blocks away and we heard those two," I paused and pointed my fork at Cat then at Leila, "Talking about us, making really, really inappropriate comments about us. Then we left the store and they ended up following us, and being the thick waffly twat that I am, I thought they were being weird and like literally following us, so I stopped, called them out on it, then got cussed by Cat. Honestly, I owe our entire relationship to Phil, since he's the one who went to their apartment and apologized for me, and the rest, as they say is history," I explained. It probably didn't make any bloody sense to her, but that was the best way I could tell it without explaining why Leila and Cat were talking about us.

Of course she looked really fucking confused. Cat started to laugh and I felt her hand on my thigh. Sadly she only patted it before moving it away.

"We were talking about them because they both have Youtube channels we watched a lot and we had a thing for them before we met them," Cat explained.

"Wait, so you two are like some of those youtube famous kinds of guys?" she asked, sounding all excited like she did about Cat and Leila's jobs.

"No-" Phil started to say but Cat interrupted.

"Yes. Don't let them lie to you. They're really popular," Cat informed her.

"Wow! This is crazy," McKenzie said while shaking her head. "All of you like do important sounding stuff."

Kill me now.

"That's funny," Leila commented, "Because none of us really do anything," she laughed.

"Except each other," Cat added in true Cat Radley form. She had no shame.

The four of us started laughing loudly, while McKenzie on the other hand just chuckled to herself. It was so obvious that she wasn't in with our little foursome.

"You're so funny!" McKenzie said, shaking her head. "And nice! It's so hard to believe I met such cool people after only being here for such a short time."

"Yeah, we have a club," Leila began, shifting her eyes over to McKenzie. "Phil started it. It's called the cool cats - which is weird since we literally have a member named Cat. Maybe he'll let you join."

NO, LEILA. NO!

What the fuck is even wrong with me? People don't just annoy me. But this girl - I sighed audibly.

Okay, Dan. Seriously, she hasn't done anything to you. Calm, the fuck, down. You like just about everyone, and she hasn't done anything to you. Hold onto that.

Yes, I have mental chats with myself.

No, I am not ashamed.

Phil was taking a sip of his coffee and his eyes shifted towards Leila and then back to McKenzie as he sat it back down. I wish I knew if he was having mental chats like mine. "We'll see," he told her with a smile that made it believable that he wasn't being a dick.

But I knew him. He didn't want her in our club.

Victory!

Oh God. What is my life?

McKenzie just giggled and then pulled her phone out of her jacket pocket and looked at it. "Oh no!" she practically squealed. "I've got to go. I'm late for my study group. Thanks so much for breakfast. It was amazing. Maybe we all can hang out sometime?" she asked as she stood up from the table.

"Totally," Cat replied, smiling up at her.

"Awesome! It was nice to meet all of you," she said as she began making her way towards the door. We all said goodbye to her at once.

There was silence after the door clicked when it closed and we all sort of looked around at each other.

Phil pushed his empty plate away and cleared his throat. "Great breakfast, Cat," he told her as he rubbed his stomach.

"Is anyone going to say anything about our visitor?" Cat asked, tilting her head as she looked at me. "I think Dan _really_ liked her."

Phil laughed. "About as much as he likes explosive diarrhea."

"Very nice table manners there, Phil," Cat winked at him and laughed.

"You know me so well, Phil," I smiled and picked up my coffee mug. I could feel everyone's eyes on me and when I sat the cup back down I could see that they were all judging me. Well, Phil wasn't. He was just staring at me, waiting for me to say what he knew I had been wanting to say since she'd left.

"I'm not a fan," I admitted with a shrug.

"Why not?" Leila asked, her judge-y brow raising even further. "She was nice."

"Because he thinks she has the depth of a kiddie pool," Cat answered for me while laughing.

I laughed too, because it was true, but not really the reason why I didn't really enjoy her company. "So you agree then?" I asked her, raising my brow, causing my forehead to wrinkle.

She shrugged. "I think she's just young and probably doing the whole self discovery thing. Not many people are on your level, baby," she laughed. "But I thought she was sweet. She probably doesn't have many friends here yet."

Ugh. Not the answer I had been hoping for.

But maybe Cat was right. Maybe I just didn't like her because of how basic she seemed to be.

"And it's not like she knows us," Leila butted in. "I mean we've all had time to bond and get to know each other. She was flung into the middle of Catphilia. She probably didn't know what to say to us other than asking us stuff,"

Another valid point.

Damn it.

"Yeah, maybe," I shrugged, then looked over at Phil, who was still being really quiet. "What did you think of her?" I asked.

"I feel so mean for saying it but I didn't like her," he shrugged. "I don't know why, really. She just made me feel weird."

"She made you feel weird?" Cat laughed. "Like how?"

"You know how when you meet people and sometimes you just get this gut feeling that they're bad news? It was like that."

"Hmm," Cat responded. "Well, I'm sure she's gonna make all kinds of new friends and be out at the pubs every night anyway so it doesn't matter. Right?" She stood up and picked up her plate before walking around the table and picking up everyone else's plates.

"It would have been funny if she were a Phan fangirl though," she laughed as she walked into the kitchen.

"That would have been completely horrific!" I shrieked. "I'm sorry, but I'd rather not have our entire fanbase know what bloody flat we live in!"

Leila's eyes got big, "I'm going to have to agree with Dan on that one, Cat," she nodded. "I've come a long way, but some of those crazies scare me. Like, legit. She could have been one of the insane ones from the Phan tag on Tumblr."

"Woah, I'm going to pass out. Leila actually agrees with me!"

Cat laughed as she made her way back over to the table. She took her place on my lap instead of the chair she'd been sitting in. "Okay, okay. I didn't think that one through. It totally would've sucked taint if she were a fangirl."

"I'm going to have nightmares," Phil laughed.

"I'll protect you, babe," Leila smiled then laughed. "Actually, I lied. I love you but they're terrifying," she leaned over and pressed a kiss against his cheek. "I'm going to go empty my bladder now, just in case you guys wanted to know," she told us before walking away.

"I'm sure if one of them tried to kiss you she'd be all over them," I told Phil, who still looked very scared.

Oh yeah, I went there.

Cat sighed loudly while facepalming herself and Phil shot me an evil look. "Could that be like the day we do not speak of or something?"

"What?" I laughed, "Come on, we were just talking about it! Is it still too soon? I mean, it's not like she went to jail or anything," I looked up at Cat, tilting my head, the memory of her punching Medusa in the face replaying.

She looked down at me with an eyebrow raised and if she could shoot lasers out of her eyes I probably would've been dead. "I'm about to go to jail again for domestic abuse," she laughed while leaning forward and then bit the hell out of my neck. But it felt way too fucking good.

"Uh.. guys," Leila reappeared - or so I had thought. I literally had to look for her to see her. She was standing in the hallway looking ten times paler than she had when she'd left.

"I'm, um, bleeding."


	19. Pajama Party

**Leila's POV **

Cat, Dan, and Phil were all looking at me as I stood in the hallway, and everything seemed to go in slow motion.

I didn't know what was happening - but my mind immediately went to the worst possible scenario. That I was having a miscarriage.

I didn't know how to feel about that. I mean, honestly, _before _all of this madness, I had thought a time or two about how I might feel if it were to happen, having a miscarriage I mean. I think that being in the situation drastically changes your thought processes.

Before, as in, years ago, I thought I might have been jumping with joy, happy that my life wasn't going to be ruined. But now? It was scarier than finding out I was pregnant to begin with; that I could have been losing a part of myself and the man that I loved so much.

Was I ready to be a mom? The idea of it still hadn't settled with me, but on the other hand, the idea of losing a child made me feel sick, disgusted with myself, because it was my fault. It had to be _my _fault.

I shouldn't have taken those pills. That had to be why this was happening.

"What the fuck?" Cat finally spoke in a very panicky voice while walking towards me. "Like is there a lot of blood?"

I shook my head, a blank expression on my face as I looked at hers, which made it very clear that she really was as panicked as she sounded. "No, just like.. a little, kind of like when you first start your period. It's light," I explained.

I'm sure Dan and Phil were just loving this conversation.

Phil walked over to me and looked at me like he wanted to do something but was lost on what he could do. "What should we do?" he asked, looking at me and then over at Cat.

She ran her fingers through her hair and sighed. "I don't know. Let me go google it and see if this is normal." She walked over the couch and sat down before picking up her laptop to check it out.

Phil wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close to him. He kissed the side of my head and just stood there holding me. I'm sure he had no idea of what to say to me. Hell, I didn't even know what to think.

"There's so many different things on here," Cat told me sounding pretty frustrated. "Some people say it's normal. Some people say it's not. Every pregnancy is different."

Phil pulled back and looked down at me. "I think I should take you to the doctor."

The doctor! Why hadn't I thought of that?

Probably because my mind was so clouded.

"Yeah," I nodded at him and patted my pockets, trying to figure out which one my phone was in, or if I even had it at all.

I saw Dan get up from the chair he had been sitting in and he moved into the living room and sat down beside Catherine without saying a word; he leaned over her and started looking at the screen.

It was so weird to see mr Always-having-something-sarcastic-to-say being quiet. I didn't like it.

I didn't like any of this.

"Are you cramping?" I heard him ask and I glanced sideways at him.

"Uh," Why I had to think about that was beyond me, like I never had a cramp before to know what they feel like. "Yeah, kinda," I told him then looked back up at Phil, who had his phone up to his ear, since I still hadn't found mine. I think I left it at home.

Cat was biting her bottom lip so hard it was probably about to bleed. "It says 20% of women experience bleeding during their first trimester."

What worried me is she didn't give me the reasons for someone to bleed. It couldn't be a good thing though.

Phil stepped away and was talking on his phone to someone at the doctor's office, I assume.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Cat asked me.

"Please?" I said, probably sounding desperate as I rubbed my palms against my face. I kind of felt like an ass for stealing her away from Dan on what was supposed to be their day together, but I needed her. When I lost my mind or my sense of rationality, she was there to talk me through it, or to think for me when I couldn't. And if this was as bad as I was thinking that it was, I was going to need her to tell me that I'm not a horrible person, and that it wasn't my fault.

"Of course. I probably would've gone even if you told me no," she said as she sat the laptop onto Dan's lap. She leaned over and kissed his cheek while running her fingers through his hair. She had a look of concern on her face. Maybe she wasn't used to seeing him that serious either. "Are you coming, baby?"

"They said to come in right away," Phil told me as he walked back over to me while putting his phone in his pocket.

Dan looked from Catherine to me, almost as if he were asking if he could come too.

"I want you to come too, Dan," I told him. He and I might have given each other a really hard time - but that didn't mean I didn't love him. It was just how our relationship worked.

"Of course," he smiled, turning his attention back to Catherine before placing a kiss against her lips, then getting up to put on his shoes.

I was glad he was coming. This felt like a family affair, and regardless of what was happening, Phil would need him. I think we all would, honestly. Dan had a way of cheering people up without really trying to.

Cat was walking towards me and then paused and looked down at herself. "Oh yeah. I might want to change into my jeans unless I want someone on the tube to see my naked ass. Be right back." She ran down the hall holding up Dan's pants.

Phil cupped my face with his hands and lifted my face to look up at him. "Are you okay?" he asked, his thumbs rubbing softly over my cheeks.

I took in a deep breath and then sighed, shrugging. "Yeah, I think so.. I just feel weird. It's hard to explain," I nuzzled my cheek against his palm. "Are you?" I asked, looking up at him. I couldn't disregard his feelings about what may or may not be happening right now. I mean, it might not have been happening to his body, but it was still happening to him.

"I'm just worried," he spoke softly and I could tell he probably had a bunch of thoughts running through his head like I did. "I just want everything to be okay." He leaned in and kissed my lips softly before pulling me into another hug.

"Okay, I'm ready," Cat said as she walked back into the room.

Dan was quick to take Cat's hand and bring her to the door, leading all of us into the hallway before he locked it. The tube station was literally only a block away so we walked to it, and then stood in line to board it.

The ride to the office felt like the longest ride of my life; and I couldn't help but notice that everyone outside of the four of us had some kind of sniffle or hack. No wonder they got sick all the time. I did my best not to touch anything. Despite how worried I was, I was still a germophobe.

Once we got to the doctor's office they took me right back, and of course Dan and Cat joined me and Phil. I could hear people whispering as they looked at the four of us, judging us, probably comparing us once more to a group of idiots from sixteen and pregnant.

The nurse took us to an exam room and just like last time, she told me that the doctor would be with me soon.

I was sitting on the bed, more scared this time around then I had been when we came here the first time; since there were only two chairs, Phil had one to himself while Dan and Cat sat on the other one. Being the colorful couple that they are, Dan sat on Cat's lap and started playing with the light that was hooked onto the end of the bed.

Phil's foot was tapping fast against the floor and he was biting at his fingernails. Poor thing. He looked more worried than I felt. I looked over at Cat and Dan again and Cat was just staring at me. We were so protective over each other. I could only imagine what was running through her head because I knew I'd be thinking crazy stuff if I were in her place.

I took a deep breath to try to calm myself. I felt like I was on the verge of a huge panic attack. It also felt like I'd been sitting in that room for an hour instead of 5 minutes.

"Where the fuck are they?" Cat asked, obviously frustrated. I saw Dan's arms tighten around her I guess in an attempt to calm her down.

I turned to look at Phil again right as he stood up and walked over to me. "I can't just sit there," he told me as he picked up my hand and brought it up to his lips. He kissed my knuckles and looked at me. "Whatever happens, you're going to be okay. Alright? We're all here for you."

He really was the world's most perfect man. But I couldn't help but to feel a little uncomfortable hearing him say that, or seeing Cat look at me the way that she was, or _not _hearing Dan make horrific comments. I don't like this kind of attention. I don't like people feeling sorry for me.

"I know," I finally said, bringing my eyes up to meet his, a weak smile curving my lips.

There were two knocks on the door before it opened and the same tall doctor that I saw last time let himself into the room. "You brought a group," he laughed as he eyed all of us, closing the door behind him.

"We're a package deal," Dan finally spoke. "See one, get three onlookers for free," he added for comical relief.

The doctor let out a bit of a chuckle as he pulled up one of those small swivel-y doctor chairs and sat down on it before looking up at me.

"How are you feeling today, Ms. Faust?" He asked.

I'll never understand why doctors start off with that. Obviously I'm not feeling too good or else I wouldn't be here, you know?

"I'm bleeding," I said flatly, wanting to skip all of the questions and get straight to the point.

"Ah, I see," he said as he flipped through some papers in the chart he had been holding when we walked in. "Well, Ms. Faust. I don't think there's anything to worry about."

"Thank God," Phil sighed in relief.

The doctor looked up at me as he closed my chart. "Leila, you were never pregnant. The test must have given you a false positive which is rare but it happens. The bleeding you're experiencing now is most likely your period which could have been delayed by the Plan B along with stress."

I stared at him for several seconds, just trying to process what he had told me.

I'm not pregnant.

"I'm not pregnant?!" I gasped, and I could feel tears burn my eyes.

Tears of fucking joy!

"Are you sure?" I asked, wiping them away.

"Definitely," he laughed. "Your hormone levels were slightly elevated but certainly not enough for you to be pregnant. The Plan B pills are probably the cause of that too, as well as how sick you were getting. Plus any kind of stress, if you've been facing any, can cause your body to get a little out of whack," he explained.

I was smiling as I looked around at everyone else, "Did you hear that?!" I asked, like they had gone deaf or something. "I'm not pregnant!"

"Holy shit," Phil finally spoke as he sat down on the chair. I wondered for a second if he was going to pass out. "I mean, don't get me wrong. I was happy about the baby and I didn't want something bad to happen but this-" he let out a loud sigh of relief. "I was not expecting that," he laughed.

"Wow, Lele," Cat laughed. "Your body trolled us like hard core. I don't think anyone will ever top this."

"Trolled?" The doctor looked very confused as he shook his head. "I'm not quite sure what that means," he laughed.

"Well you see," I heard Dan begin to explain _trolling_ to the doctor as I hopped off of the bed and lunged at Phil like some kind of wild animal about to attack him.

"Eep! I am so happy right now," I told him as I squeezed him really hard, kind of like I do Catherine from time to time when I get really excited about something. Only I reframed from smashing his face against my cleavage.

It's so crazy how your emotions can just flip like that. From worried and terrified to excited and relieved.

He laughed as he wrapped his arms around me and squeezed me back. "I am too, sweetheart."

"You'll have to excuse them," I heard Cat tell the doctor. "Their emotions have been all over the place over the past 48 hours," she laughed.

"That's perfectly fine," the doctor laughed. "Ms. Faust, I think you're alright to go home now. If you feel anything that isn't normal just give us a call but you should be fine other than the normal discomfort during your period."

After thoroughly attacking Phil's face with random kisses I turned back to the doctor and thanked him and the four of us left the exam room and walked back through the waiting room.

"I think this calls for a celebration," I informed everyone, not really giving a shit who was staring at me as I said it. "In the form of a very large bottle of Vodka," I nodded. "What do you guys think?"

"That sounds like a brilliant idea," Dan said as he put his arm around Catherine's shoulder, leading the four of us out onto the sidewalk.

"I feel so mindfucked right now," Cat laughed and shook her head.

"I have to say I feel the same way," Phil added. "I mean, I had accepted it. You know? It's so weird. I'm not sad because ya know, there wasn't actually a baby. But the situation is just bizarre," he laughed. "I think that we learned a lesson here though. Always keep a condom at least 1 foot away from us everywhere we go."

"And I think we should probably get on the pill," Cat said as she bumped her hip into mine. "Oh shit. I'm gettin all kinds of drunk tonight, kids."

I laughed, "Yeah, now that we actually need it! Until then, I need to calm the fuck down when I go into attack mode," I said the latter as I glanced up at Phil, popping a quick kiss against his lips. "Where's the nearest liquor store?"

"Right there," Dan pointed across the street. "Damn, I pointed that out quick," he laughed. "You would think I'm some kind of raging alcoholic."

"Please do not calm down when you go into attack mode!" Phil pleaded, making a pitiful face. "I'll just make sure I'm always prepared from now on." He grinned as he leaned down and kissed me back.

"We all know you're a secret alcoholic, Dan," Cat said as we all walked across the street together holding hands like those couples who piss single people off.

"Hey, is it too early for egg nog?" Phil asked, opening the door to the liquor store for us.

"Jesus on a boat," Dan shook his head. "Watch out everyone, Phil's already thinking about Christmas. Are you going to go ahead and put our tree up too?" he asked.

"You can't put your tree up until at least Thanksgiving," I told them, which may or may not have been true, I don't know - that's just how my family always did things. We would have Thanksgiving dinner and then put it up together.

Those thoughts made me miss home a bit.

"Uh, newsflash, Leila. We don't celebrate Thanksgiving here," Dan told me as we walked down one of the aisles.

I looked up at him with wide eyes, "You don't?!" I was being very sarcastic and it was very obvious. "I totally thought that was a world-wide holiday."

"Ugh, you sound like McKenzie," Dan grimaced.

I had to actually stop and think for a second, because I had forgotten all about meeting our new neighbor.

"Stop being mean about that poor girl," Cat scolded. "And also, you two are dating American girls so guess what! You _will_ be celebrating Thanksgiving this year."

Phil gasped. "I've always wanted to do that! What kind of food will there be? When is Thanksgiving?"

I let out a loud laugh. It was so funny how much thought Phil put into food and how excited he got over it. "Well there's turkey, and rolls, but we always made biscuits instead. And.." I paused to think. "Everything?" I laughed again. "Oh! Pumpkin pieeee!" I clapped my hands. I hadn't had any Pumpkin pie since last Christmas.

I suppose I got just as excited as Phil did, sometimes.

"And it's the fourth Thursday of November, so it's coming up," I added.

"And there's pecan pie, sweet potato pie, uhhh," Cat stopped next to the wine as she looked up and thought. "There's a fuck load of stuff. We're southern women. We got this shit. You'll be so full you'll go into a food coma after you eat." She turned to look at Dan who was holding a bottle of coconut rum like he didn't already have some. "Babe, what are you drinkin?"

"I want pies!" Phil was practically bouncing around. "I think I needed to eat more waffles earlier. What's wrong with me?" he laughed.

"There's a monster in your stomach eating all of your food, so you never get full?" I suggested as I rounded the corner and let out a very loud gasp. "Cat! They have Jack Daniels!" I grabbed a bottle of it and cradled it like it was a baby.

I could hear her gasp and then her feet hitting the floor because she was running over to me. "Oh Jack! How I've missed thee," she said in a dramatic voice as she petted the bottle. "Shall we have a Jack and Coke evening, Lele?"

I nodded, "Shit is going to get real," I said seriously, glancing from Dan to Phil. "Catherine and I are loads of fun when she drink Jack and Coke."

"You two have fun with that," Dan said, making a disgusted kind of face as he wandered off toward a display of some kind of liquor I'd never heard of before. I'm guessing it was an English drink. "Oh my second love," he sighed, grabbing a bottle of it. "Er, third love," he corrected himself. "Cat, Maltesers and Primm's," he nodded.

"Zebra," I said with his accent, looking at him with a blank expression. I'm not sure why, but anytime Dan acted like an idiot, or said something that was stupid, I would say zebra.

"Do you have zebra tourettes?" Cat asked me, laughing. "That's the second time you've randomly blurted that out. Have you been hanging out with me too much?"

"No, you were gone!" Phil said in a dramatic voice.

"Oh mylanta," Cat rolled her eyes and looked at me again. "Me and Dan would be on skype and Phil's dumbass would run in the room being all like YOU HATE US BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT HERE."

"I wouldn't do something like that," Phil very obviously lied to her as he slipped his arm around my back.

"I missed all of you guys sooooo much," I sighed. "Even you, Dan," I nodded as I reached out and pinched his arm.

"Ow! Fuck!" he groaned, yanking his arm back. "I was going to say that I missed you too, but you just made me change my mind."

"Cry baby," I rolled my eyes. I'd hardly even pinched him.

"If he can handle the damage I did to his back earlier with my fingernails then he can handle a pinch," Cat said as she stepped up to him and stood on her tip toes to kiss his cheek. "Are we ready, babies? I'm ready for some lunch forreals. Or wait. What time is it? Ugh. My brain is so confused."

"Are you going to get drunk enough for me to touch you inappropriately tonight?" Phil whispered in my ear out of nowhere.

Dan started fishing his phone out of his pocket before announcing the time. "Oh shit, it's only 4:30," he laughed. "Why the fuck does it feel so late?"

I felt a chill roll down my back and I was suddenly covered in goosebumps; the things this man did to me. I wanted to turn around and knock him into something and start undressing him on the spot. However I opted against it and cleared my throat instead. "Oh-" I stopped myself as I was about to say something naughty to him. "Damn it!" I whined, and he - and Cat, who had only heard my outburst and not what Phil had just said to me - looked confused. "My period is such a whore!"

Cat cracked up laughing. "That's what showers are for, babe," she shrugged.

"Good point," Phil whispered in my ear again before kissing behind it. Evil tease. "Here," he said as he stepped around me. He took the bottle of Jack out of my arms and smiled. "I'll buy it for you."

"Awww. Phil is such a gentleman," Cat turned and grinned at us and then went back to poking Dan's ass cheek since half of it was hanging out of his pants as usual. "Dan butt. Dan butt. Dan butt. Dan butt."

Dan gasped and jumped, pretending to be surprised but it was obvious that he wasn't. "Cat boob. Cat boob. Cat boob. Cat boob," Dan repeatedly poked at Cat's chest as we got into the line to pay for the mass amounts of alcohol we were had picked out. "Well, I would be a gentleman and pay for yours, but since you and Leila are drinking the same thing," Dan shrugged. "Oh! I'll pay for the Coke!" he said then ran off down the aisle we had just come from, returning a few seconds later with a couple of bottles of it.

After we left the liquor store we caught the tube and were headed back to our building when Catherine decided that she wanted tacos for dinner, so we stopped by the same grocery store that the boys had first saw us in.

Dan and Phil did a little reenactment of us, which was horrible, might I add. They were using these really annoying high pitched voices and acting like we were complete Phangirls; the latter might have been accurate, though.

"And then, she was all 'Dan, you're a waffly twat!'" Dan mocked Catherine, using her accent as he grabbed Phil by the sleeve of his jacket and whisked him down the sidewalk and to the door of our building, Phil doing his best 'I'm Leila and I'm completely terrified right now' face in the process before both of them lost it and started laughing like crazy.

"I hate both of you," Cat laughed as she linked arms with me. "And neither of us shake our asses that much when we walk."

"Maybe we were just wishing that you guys did?" Phil laughed.

"SERIOUSLY?!" I shrieked, "You two are just going to follow us into our flat? Oh my God, I'm calling the cops, because I'm so thick," I mocked Dan as I hit the up button on the elevator. "Wait, maybe I should be pretending to be Phil right now.. Dan, maybe-" I shut up and made a scared face followed by making claws with my hands and meowing.

Cat was bent over cackle laughing at me and Phil was laughing as well. Dan was trying to look mad but he was smirking. I knew he wanted to laugh. "Dan got so sassy with me," Cat rolled her eyes at him. "I think I should've thrown a tampon at his head or something," she said as the elevator doors opened.

"I was just thinking about how hot Leila was," Phil laughed.

"I think about that a lot," Cat sighed and leaned against the back wall of the elevator. "Especially when I'm fapping."

"GAH, CAT!" Dan exclaimed out of nowhere. "Don't you watch my videos?! It's _shlucking, _when you're a girl. Not fapping," he rolled his eyes, pretending to be offended.

Cat and I both made the same face before saying "It's still fapping," in stereo, then proceeded to laugh until the doors opened again, Dan and Phil just looking at us like we were insane.

"You two scare me sometimes," Dan laughed as he stepped ahead of us toward his door to unlock it.

He stepped in first and the rest of us followed behind him.

"It still smells like bacon in here," Dan said as he sniffed the air, smiling before sitting his bags down on the kitchen counter.

I sat down at the dining room table, then stood up again, remembering that Cat was going to cook, and since I could actually cook tacos, I could help her.

"Ooo is my beautiful assistant going to help me this evening?" she asked as she started pulling the ingredients out of the bags. She pulled out a bag of Maltesers and raised an eyebrow. "I don't remember getting this. Dan, you're like a fucking ninja," she said before throwing the bag at him and managing to hit him right on his ass because he was bending over to pick up a Guitar Hero controller.  
"I win!" she announced before proceeding to do some sort of bizarre looking dance that involved popping her ass around like a crazy person.

"She doesn't even need liquor. She already acts like she's been drinking," Phil laughed as he slipped his jacket off.

She stuck her tongue out at him and turned her attention back to me. "Are we drinking while cooking like we used to at home?" she grinned and wiggled her eyebrows.

"Yes!" I nodded and immediately went to pull the bottles of liquor out of the bag. "You're making me miss LA," I grimaced. "So many late night drunken memories," I sighed, shaking my head.

I didn't miss LA that much; I mean aside from warm weather and Mountain Dew, there wasn't anything to miss. I had Catherine here with me, and - although I didn't know him back then - Phil, and of course Dan.

Moving around the kitchen I opened up a cabinet and tilted my head. "Mixed drinks or shots?" I asked, looking over my shoulder at Catherine.

Out of nowhere she walked over to me and turned me around before pulling me into a hug where she squeezed me so tightly I swore something in my back popped. "I love you, Lele," she mumbled against my shoulder before pulling back and smiling up at me. "And this is home now because we're here together and it's amazing," she nodded and pulled away. "Mixed drinks. I don't want to end up naked in the middle of the living room floor in 2 hours."

"I love you tooooooo," I exaggerated my accent to make myself sound more like her than I did just by the way I said that, then pulled down four cups from the shelf and started making our drinks.

I had no idea if you mixed Primm's with Coke, but I did anyways, because Dan was so invested in his video game that he wasn't paying attention when I asked him how he wanted his drink. It was a little easier to catch Phil's attention, but keeping it was a challenge. He was acting like if he looked away from the screen he would miss some kind of climactic moment in the game, which was funny, because Guitar Hero wasn't suspenseful, and he wasn't even playing. He was just watching Dan.

Once I had them mixed I tried to hand them to them, but they couldn't be bothered to notice me so I just sat both of their glasses down on the coffee table and went back into the kitchen. Picking up mine and Cat's glasses I handed one to her and raised mine up into the air, cheersing her before taking a swig of it.

"When I woke up this morning, I really didn't see this as how I'd be spending my evening," I laughed and glanced back over into the living room. "Do you ever feel like you're living in a dream? I mean seriously, how the fuck did we go from being lonely hag-peasants to _this_?"

"Pretty much every single day," she laughed before taking another sip of her drink. "For example. This morning Dan woke me up being all cute and when I first woke up I was like WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING? WHERE AM I? IS THAT DAN? AM I DREAMING?"

I instantly started laughing. "That's beautiful," I shook my head and moved around her to gather the vegetables she got to cut them up. "Phil woke me up by whispering '_waffles and bacon' _into my ear. I was so confused," I told her. "He's lucky I didn't start swinging, because he scared me. I got used to him _not _being around," I pouted but perked up. "And can I just say, it feels so good to be able to have a _real_ conversation with you. While you were gone I felt 17 all over again, creeping around on Skype, waiting for you to log in so I could talk to you."

She looked over at me from where she was standing in front of the stove pouring the spices into the beef. "I know right? I felt the same way. That's why I begged Dan for us to come see y'all last night. I was like okay, I know I was with her like all day but I wanna see her more," she laughed. "Bless his heart. He probably felt shunned or something."

"Probably. I don't think they can fully understand our feels for each other," I chuckled. "I mean-"

"WHAT THE FUCK!" Dan yelled, and Cat and I glanced over at where he was standing, a look of utter disgust on his face, something - I'm assuming his drink I'd fixed him - dripping down his chin. "What even is this?!" Dan demanded. "Seriously! Did you put fucking Coke in my Pimm's?"

"Yeah..." I looked at him, not understanding what the problem was.

"Why would you even do that?" He asked, walking towards us.

"I don't know? I asked what I was supposed to do to it and you were too absorbed in Guitar Hero to answer me," I shrugged. "What was I supposed to do with it?"

"You mix it with lemonade!" he said, looking at me like I was stupid. "Ughhhhh," he stuck his tongue out then went to the sink and guzzled water from the faucet.

I looked at Cat and I knew that look in her eyes. She calmly laid the spoon down that she had been stirring the meat with before walking over to Dan and smacking the back of his head. "Hey, fartknocker. Be nice to her. We're american bitches who drink whiskey. We don't understand your drinking habits." She waved her hands around when she said 'drinking habits' and said it using Dan's accent.

Phil entered the kitchen after that and he was smiling at me. "Thanks for trying, baby. Sorry we weren't listening," he told me before leaning in to kiss my cheek.

"Phil needs to teach someone how to be nice to girls," Cat said as she reached into the refrigerator and pulled out the block of cheese we had bought.

"No way. If I teach him then I won't look like the super sweet one," Phil winked at me before reaching into the fridge as well and pulling out some lemonade.

"I wasn't being mean!" Dan defended. "I was being disgusted," he shivered and made a really hilarious disgusted face. "I'm sorry if I hurt your _feels, _Leila," he said as he extended his arms towards me.

I immediately jumped away from him, but since he might as well have been Inspector Gadget with those long ass arms of his, it didn't do me much good. He had me squashed against his chest, hugging me in a very Cat-like way before I could blink twice.

"You're forgiven," I told him as I patted his arm. "Okay seriously. Can't. Breathe."

He let go of me and then turned to Catherine, bending down to press a kiss against her lips. "Better?" he asked, smiling, his lips still lingering over hers. I saw her hand move to the cabinet and she gripped onto it like she was about to fall over.

"Better," she answered him before kissing him again.

Phil walked around the two of them and over to me before pressing his lips against mine. "I wanted to give you one too," he grinned as he pushed my hair behind my ear. "Mmm. Your lips taste good," he commented as he pulled away to walk back to the living room.

"Which ones?" Cat giggled.

"Both, actually," he answered immediately which cracked Cat up.

"Leila, you light up my world like nobody else!"  
We both turned and looked at Phil like he'd lost his mind. He was using the guitar hero controller as a microphone.

"The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed and when you smile at the ground it ain't hard to tell you don't knooooooow, you don't know you're beautiful."

I laughed so suddenly that I ended up snorting and immediately put my hand over my mouth, thoroughly fucking embarrassed, because I hadn't snort-laughed in a very, very long time.

"Phil!" I continued laughing as I glanced over at Catherine, "My boyfriend is slowly turning into you and I ain't even mad," I shook my head then flailed my arms as I ran over to him, having a Cat moment of my own. I grabbed his face, kissed his lips, and ran back into the kitchen like that didn't just happen.

"So c-come on, you got it wrong, to prove I'm right I put it in a song. Don't know why, you're being shy. And turning away when I look into your eyessss," Dan started singing while dancing around Cat, messing her hair up in the process.

"Be right back, I'm going to go facepalm myself," I said as I pretended to walk away, but only went to the counter where my drink was sitting.

There was a knock on the door that no one really seemed to notice but me and I looked over at it with my brows furrowed together.

"Are either of you expecting company?" I asked Phil who actually paused the game this time to look at me.

"What?" he asked. "Oh, no.." he shook his head.

"Hmm," I shrugged and started dancing towards the door with my drink in my hand. I looked out of the peephole to see the top of a blonde head.

It was that McKenzie girl.

I opened the door and looked down at her, my head tilted. "Hey," I said.

"Hi!" she replied enthusiastically. "Wow you guys must be having fun, I heard someone singing in there," she laughed.

"Oh yeah, that was Phil and Dan. We're celebrating," I told her with a nod.

"Oh is it someone's birthday?!"

"No," I shook my head.

"What are you celebrating then?"

"Periods," I said seriously. She looked really, really confused but laughed anyways, like I'd just told her a joke she didn't get.

Wait. I did just do that.

"Dan, you're gonna crack my shells!" Cat squealed from in the kitchen.

"Hey McKenzie," Phil greeted her but didn't bother to look her way because he was into his game again.

"Hey Phil!" she greeted him, peeking into the apartment. "I just wanted to thank you guys for breakfast this morning. It was really great."

"Do you want to come in?" I asked her, opening the door a bit. "We're having drinks," I added.

I know Dan and Phil said that they weren't really into this girl, but I could only feel sorry for her. I mean she was alone in a new place and probably didn't have any friends. I would want people to want to hang out with me.

"Are you sure? I really don't want to intrude.." she smiled.

I rolled my eyes, "You're not intruding, plus, I'm sure Dan would _love _to see you again," oh Dan was going to scream at me if that got back to him. Oh well. I'm sure there was an evil grin on my face.

"He would?!" Her eyes got very, very big. "I mean-" she started laughing, "You know, I'm just so surprised that you guys are so nice. I am a stranger," she said, stepping inside.

"Oh, we all start out as strangers," I smiled as I shut the door.

"Daniel, our neighbor stopped by," I called out, "She wanted to thank you and Cat for breakfast," I was smirking at Dan from behind her.

Was it wrong of me to use his annoyance towards this girl against him?

Of course it wasn't.

"Hey McKenzie!" Cat greeted her rather excitedly which meant she was pretty buzzed. "Wanna eat some tacos with us?" she asked while shaking her hips around. I'm not entirely sure why but the huge gulp of her drink told me that Jack Daniels probably had something to do with it.

"When will they be readyyyyy?" Phil whined. "It smells so good."

"As soon as the shells get done in the oven," she told him as she sat the shredded cheese out on the table. She had made a little assembly line of ingredients for us to create our tacos with. "If I fail as a photographer I could totally be a chef," she grinned as she looked over her little masterpiece on the table.

"Or just make a Youtube account called Whiskers and be a spaz in a bunch of videos," Phil offered.

"I don't wanna steal your glory, Philertons."

McKenzie kind of stepped aside without answering Cat's invite to eat dinner with us; not that the chatter from everyone really gave her an opportunity.

"Why did you invite her back in?" Dan whispered to me once I was back in the kitchen to refill my cup.

"Why not?" I answered him, helping myself to more Jack than Coke this time around. "Come on, Dan, she's new in town and alone, and I'm not an ass from Manchester," I laughed. "Lighten up."

He gave me the stink eye while he brought his glass to his lips but didn't say anything back to me, but instead walked around me and into the dining room.

After mixing my drink I followed behind him and took a seat next to Phil, who was staring at the food with really big eyes.

Cat had just put the taco shells onto the table and sat down next to Dan when I realized that our guest was still standing by herself.

"Come on, have a seat," I waved at her. I could feel Phil's eyes on the side of my face now, and when I looked at him he just shook his head. "What?" I asked quietly before leaning in and kissing him. Just because I can.

"I sort of feel like a 5th wheel," McKenzie laughed nervously as she took a seat on the other side of Dan.

"Oh honey. Sometimes you just have to talk over us. We're not ignoring you. We're just a.d.d and have to say what we think of right when it comes to mind," Cat laughed. "Oh! I'm so rude. Do you want something to drink?"

"Uh, sure," she smiled up at Cat who was standing to go get something for her. "What are you drinking?"

"Jack with a little bit of coke," Cat laughed.

"I'll have the same but more coke than Jack, please," she smiled as she reached over and grabbed a taco shell. Dan happened to be reaching over at the same time so their hands brushed against each other. "Sorry," she said to him while biting her lip.

Hmm.

"Oh my God," Phil blurted out with his mouth full. "I think I've just had an orgasm. Babe, have you eaten this yet? Oh my God."

I almost got choked on the bite I was trying to swallow as I started laughing at his outburst. "Phil's going to leave me for you one day, Cat," I laughed again, clearly catching a buzz because I was literally making myself giggle.

I noticed McKenzie's eyes get a little big and her smile got a little wider, but she didn't say anything.

"College," I sighed, shaking my head. "That fucking SUCKS!" I rolled my eyes upward.

Yeah, that was me trying to have a buzzed conversation with a stranger. "What are you studying?" I asked, trying to engage her in conversation. Because quite frankly, I knew nothing about her beyond that, and that she looked like she was hardly 18.

"Fashion design," she said as she reached out for the drink Cat was approaching her with. "Thanks," she smiled up at her before taking a sip. "I'm having to design a bunch of different kinds of t-shirts for one of my assignments and it sucks so bad even though I know it doesn't sound like it does," she laughed.

"Shirts for what?" Cat asked.

"Pretty much anything," she shrugged. "It could be for a band or whatever. It just has to be imaginative and unique."

"Make a shirt representing the Llamarmy," Cat giggled.

"Dan, I could totally make a shirt for you if you want," she told him as she turned towards him on her chair. "I watched a bunch of your and Phil's videos today. You guys are so funny!"

"Oh look!" I squealed, pointing at her. "We've created another Phan!" Normally this wouldn't amuse me. Actually, it would scare me, but I was buzzed, so I was perfectly fine with the idea of a psycho Phan living a few doors down from me.

Dan didn't look so amused though. He narrowed his eyes at me before turning his attention to McKenzie. "Thanks," he smiled. "I really appreciate it, and I'm glad you enjoyed them, but you don't have to do that," he shook his head.

Damn, he was a good actor.

"Damn, Dan you're-" I almost said it out loud but luckily I stopped myself. "You're such a Danosaur," I quickly filled in.

Everyone just kind of looked at me like I was crazy, but I shrugged it off. Drunken Leila is a very unshameful Leila.

"I think it'd be an awesome idea, baby," Cat told Dan and I noticed that her arm had disappeared under the table. "Maybe she could put llamas all over it."

"I want Team Phileila shirts," Phil added, smiling at me. "I'd wear it. I'm Team Phileila."

"Team Can shirts!" Can squealed excitedly then started laughing. "It could just say 'Team' and then have a can under it."

Phil laughed as well. "I want the Team Phileila one to have Team Phileila written on a big waffle."

"A book with a waffle cover!" I gasped, like that was a genius idea.

McKenzie looked very, very lost. "Team Can? Team Phileila?" she asked, laughing again like she'd just been told a joke that she didn't get.

Okay, was this girl living under a rock? I mean, I didn't expect her to know our ship names, but I did expect her to know what the fuck a ship name was. Did this bitch not have a Tumblr account?

"Our ship names... Can is Cat and Dan, Phileila is Phil and Leila..." I explained.

It seriously doesn't get any more obvious than that.

"Oh! I get it," she laughed. "That's really cute."

"Their fans came up with that," Cat told her after taking a very long sip of her drink. "And I'm known as Whiskers in the fandom because at first I didn't want them to know my real name but those girls have skills and they found my ass," she laughed. "But I owe them a lot because if they hadn't made my photography tumblr so popular then I probably wouldn't have been discovered by my boss at People. I should make a video for them about that." She paused. "Oh damn. I am really drunk," she started giggling and pressed her forehead against the side of Dan's head.

"Are you sexual predator drunk?" Phil asked which made me start laughing.

"Probably," Cat laughed.

Once again, McKenzie looked confused. I didn't realize how many references we made to their videos and the Phandom until we were sitting there with an outsider.

We really were the Kool Kats Club.

"So um, I wanted to ask you guys something," McKenzie began, looking from Phil to Dan. "Do you care to take a picture with me?" she asked, batting her lashes.

Hmm.

I just picked up my glass and took another sip from it, looking between Dan and Phil, who were looking at each other.

"Sure," Phil shrugged before taking a sip of his drink. "Come on, Dan," he coaxed him as he stood up from his chair. McKenzie did the same and them all eyes were on Dan.

I saw Cat's arm disappear under the table again and tilted my head to the side. What the hell was she doing?

Dan cleared his throat and hesitated a moment before he too stood up and walked over to join Phil and McKenzie, who were standing by the wall closest to the kitchen.

"Actually, do you care to take it where you guys do the Super Amazing Project?" she asked, batting her fucking eyelashes again.

If I were sober it probably would have annoyed me.

"Uh, sure.." Dan nodded and moved into the living room, Phil and McKenzie following behind him.

Cat and I looked at each other at the same time, and I knew we were thinking the same thing.

Which one of us is going to get our asses up and take this picture?

"I'll do it," I told her as I stood up. "You cooked dinner, and I think you're a little more drunk than I am."

I danced into the living room to the Muse song that was playing. Honestly, I don't even like Muse that much, but being drunk made it much more tolerable.

McKenzie handed me her phone and the camera was already opened on it. "Okay McPhan," I laughed at myself, while Dan gave me a dirty look that I saw through the screen. "Get together..." I held my arm out, motioning for them to scoot closer.

McKenzie took it upon herself to turn sideways, facing Dan, which made Phil look like he was just some rando standing in the shot.

"Phillippppp," I moved my arm again, and he scrunched his nose up before smiling and moving in towards her.

"Okay, say... cheese! Wait, you don't like cheese.. Say-"

"Oh fuck, just take the picture!" Dan laughed.

"Say Dan's a shithead!"

Of course the only one who said it was Phil, which made me laugh, causing the picture to be blurry as fuck.

"Son of a bitch! You all look like slender people," I laughed.

Cat started giggling behind me. "Say cunt!" she told them while clapping her hands.

"I am not saying that," Phil laughed.

Cat walked up behind me and looked at the picture over my shoulder. "They do look like slender people," she laughed her drunk laugh. Yes, she had a drunk laugh.

"Okay y'all. Try again," she instructed and they all stayed still except for McKenzie who scooted a bit closer to Dan.

"Alright, 1. 2. 3," I counted before taking the photo and that time it came out looking normal. "There we go," I said as I walked over to her with her phone. Phil's arm wrapped around my waist as soon as I was close enough for him to touch me.

"Thanks so much!" McKenzie said excitedly while looking down at her phone.

Phil pulled me up against him and pressed his lips against mine, his tongue trailing along my bottom lip. My heart started beating faster immediately.

"Woooo! Yeah baby. Mooore!" Cat cheered somewhere behind us.

If Cat wanted more...

I slid my hands up Phil's chest then wrapped my arms around him, tilting my head, giving him a really aggressive kiss. The kind that people shouldn't give while in the company of other people because - well, shit like that is kind of disgusting. But I was drunk, and so was Phil, and I was doing just to get a reaction out of Cat.

"Whew," I whispered, resting my forehead against his. I had to stop or else I was going to attack him. And that wouldn't be the best idea. "I love you," I told him before popping another kiss against his lips and turning around to see that Dan, Cat, and McKenzie were watching us with wide eyes.

"You mad though?" I blurted out, pointing between Dan and Cat.

Dan promptly rolled his eyes then grabbed Catherine, dipped her backwards and started making out with her on the spot.

I probably would have continued watching because I'm weird like that, but McKenzie's reaction to them caught my attention - so much that it was easy to ignore Phil's lips on my neck. And that's just not something I can ignore without actively trying.

Her eyebrows -which were faint because she was blonde and I was drunk - furrowed together and she straight up gave them one of the most disgusting looks I'd ever seen someone give anyone.

It was worse than Medusa's normal face, if that tells you anything.

Though, within the blink of an eye, it was gone, and she was smiling again.

I almost felt like I'd imagined it.

Was I _that _drunk?

Woah, hello, Phil's boner.

Giggling I turned all of my attention back to him, "We should probably stop teasing ourselves," I whispered against his ear, which made me the biggest hypocrite ever.

Whoremoans. I have them.

"Bloody hell, Leila," he whispered back to me while his hands managed to find their way up the back of my shirt and were roaming up my sides. "I'm 2 seconds from dragging you to the bathroom and-"

"We can hear everything you're saying, Phil," Cat interrupted, laughing. "And I thought Dan and I had horniness issues."

"I think that's my que to leave," McKenzie laughed. "Thanks so much for dinner and for the picture."

"You're welcome!" Cat replied as she followed her to the door. I couldn't help but notice McKenzie turn and look past Cat and towards Dan who was busy chugging the rest of his drink.

Cat stepped ahead and opened the door for her. "See you later," she smiled.

"Bye guys!" McKenzie said while waving to all of us.

Cat shut the door and locked it then started laughing. "I think you guys scared her," she told me as she walked into the kitchen.

"She's a peasant," I rolled my eyes.

"Did you just call her a peasant?" Dan laughed. "What happened to her being so nice?"

"She's a nice peasant," I shrugged. "She didn't get what shipnames are. I had to call her a peasant for that."

And then, out of nowhere an idea hit me - "LET'S ALL SLEEP TOGETHER!" I squealed.

Okay, that came out wrong. I know it did because of the way Dan was looking at me and the way Phil was laughing at me and the wide eyed gawking stare I was getting from Cat.

"I mean we should make a pallet on the floor and sleep together in a very nonsexual way," I told them, nodding. "It's the only way I'm going to be able to keep my hands off of Phil. Come on it'll be fun! Like a sleep over!"

Cat gasped and started clapping her hands. "I want to! I want to! But can I have sex with Dan before we do this?" she asked while giggling like a crazy person.

Phil facepalmed himself and shook his head. "I don't think you two should be able to have sex if we can't!" he responded sounding very much like a little kid. "I think it's a very good idea, by the way, baby," he told me as he leaned forward and kissed my cheek.

Dan groaned, "But I want to have sex with Catherineeeeee! We haven't made up for those five weeks yet!" he stomped, sounding just as childish as Phil.

"And we have?" I furrowed my brow at him. "We haven't even had proper sex since we made up!" Oh God, drunk me was way too honest. Good thing all of us were in the same boat.

"I'll go gather blankets!" I squealed and ran off before anyone could object. After raiding both of their bedrooms I came back with every pillow and blanket I could find as well as a few stuffed animals. I'm not entirely sure why I grabbed them, but I did.

"Babe, can you move that table?" I asked with my arms full, peeking up at him from over the pile of fluff in my arms.

"Lele turned into a giant blanket!" Cat yelled in an extremely dramatic voice.

Phil reached up and pulled some of the stuff out of my arms before sitting it on the couch. "Of course," he grinned at me. Why did he have to grin at me? CALM DOWN, VAGINA.

The boys moved the table away and Cat and I took the cushions off of all of the couches and used those and some of the blankets to create a makeshift mattress before finishing it off with the stuffed animals sitting on it.

"Yay! We have skills!" Cat held her hand up to high five me. "We're all gonna end up naked and having sex in that."

"Cat!" Phil laughed, looking very shocked. "There's only one person in this room I want to get naked with," he said as he walked up to me and wrapped his arms around to my back.

"Stop touching her!" Cat laughed. "You're just making it more difficult for her to resist."

I wrapped my arms back around him and dragged my fingertips up his back. I just wanted to pounce on him. It was ridiculous. My sex drive had never been this out of control. "She's right," I whispered against his ear before nipping at his earlobe, because I'm evil.

Dan came up behind Catherine and did the same thing Phil was doing, only his hands slid down to thighs and he leaned in and - I'm guessing - he whispered something against her ear.

I saw her eyes roll back and I instantly looked away, because I felt like I was invading a serious personal moment between them. "Baby," I whispered again, curling my fingers around the hair on the back of his neck. "I'm one more touch away from attacking you. And as much as I want to attack you, I can't attack you, so please-" my back arched, "Stop," I breathed out, almost moaning.

SHIT.

So. Horny.

"Okay!" Cat said loudly which startled all of us. "We have to stop like now," she laughed as she attempted to walk away from Dan but he'd grabbed a belt loop in her pants and she was sort of just reaching towards nothing while moving her legs in the same place.

Phil turned to look at them and busted out laughing. "Oh my God. What is wrong with all of us?" he asked before turning his attention back to me. His hands moved to hold my face and he leaned in and kissed me with enough passion to make my knees go weak and destroy my panties. "I had to get one more of those," he whispered against my lips before giving me a quick peck.

I felt something grab my arm and looked to see that Cat was pulling me. Phil let go and I stumbled as she dragged me down the hallway. "We're gonna raid Dan's closet for pajamas," she informed me as we walked into his room.

"Oh. I mean his wardrobe," she corrected herself in a british accent as she drunkenly took her shirt off and threw it across the room. I sat on the bed and watched as she stumbled out of her jeans. "OH MAN I JUST WANNA GET NAKED!" she yelled sounding just like Dan in his video about drunk people. Then she proceeded to start dancing around his room in her underwear.

"Did I hear the word naked?" Phil yelled.

"It's Cat!" I yelled back at him, laughing. "I can't wait until I can act on how badly I want to hump him," I nodded, not even cracking a smile as I watched Cat continue to dance around. "Thanks for being a good best friend and suffering with me... Oh no, am I about to turn into the emotional drunk?"

She stopped dancing abruptly and just stared at me for a second before she literally ran, then pounced onto the bed and then tackled me. I fell backwards and she straddled me while holding my arms above my head and her face was hovering over mine. "Nope. You're not gonna turn into an emotional drunk. I am gonna hump you though!"

And she did. She literally started humping me. The bed was smacking against the wall really, really loudly and she was making the overdramatic moaning noises like she was having sex with someone.  
I was laughing so hard I thought I was going to pee all over Dan's bed.

"What the actual fuck?" I heard Phil in the doorway. "Dan! Your girlfriend is raping my girlfriend!" he yelled.

"WHAT?" Dan shrieked. I could hear him running down the hall followed by a thud and a screeching sound.

"OW!"

I could see him from where I was laying and he was upside down laying on the floor, looking at us from between Phil's legs. "Oh bloody hell," he tugged himself up by using Phil's pant leg.

Bad move.

Phil's pants fell off of his hips and down to his ankles and Dan hit the floor again.

"Your boyfriend is taking my boyfriend's clothes off of him!" I laughed even harder.

Cat stopped and turned around to look at them and immediately started laughing. "I can't even deal with how fucking ridiculous all of us are. We should never be allowed to have alcohol," she sighed as she looked back down at me. "Thanks for the humping," she gave me a thumbs up and then leaned down and kissed my lips quickly before rolling off of me.

"Why did you have to kiss her?!" Phil shrieked, motioning towards us with one hand while trying to pull his pants up with the other. "You can't just do things like that in front of straight, horny men!"

Cat walked over to Dan's wardrobe began going through his clothes but then stopped suddenly. "I just realized something," she said with her back to us. "I'm running around in my fucking panties and bra in front of Phil," she laughed. "Sorry LeLe!"

"I didn't even notice," I laughed, rolling over onto my stomach. "I was too busy staring at Phil's boner," I told her.

Most people, or girls, rather, would have probably gotten upset over this, but I had zero fucks to give.

It was like they were related - only not, because that would be fucking weird. Cat running around half naked in front of one of her family members.

Yeah, we're from the south, but that shit doesn't fly.

"I can run around in my underwear in front of Phil if it'll make you feel better," Dan commented, still laying on the floor.

"Please don't," I laughed, pushing myself onto all fours before standing up off of the bed.

"Come on," Phil said, motioning for me to follow him. "You can wear my clothes. They're better than Dan's."

I started to follow him and felt a hard smack on my ass. "Catherine Radley!" I pretended to scold her.

"I think Cat is turning lesbonic on you, Dan," Phil informed him as we walked down the hall together.

"Uh no. I am in love with Dan's cock, guys. It's serious business," she told us.

"Are you in love with mine?" Phil asked while giving me his best puppy dog eyes as he pulled me into his room.

Oh no. Bed. Phil.  
Bed.  
Bed.  
Bed.  
Phil's boner.  
Nudity.  
Talk about Phil's boner.

"Madly in love with it," I grinned, leaning in against him as I slid my hand down his stomach and onto his thigh where I felt his bulge.

Why the fuck was I doing this to myself?

Oh, because I'm drunk, horny, and madly in love with him, and his cock.

And mouth.

My fuck. That mouth.

Those fingers.

I literally moaned just from thinking about it.

He looked shocked and raised an eyebrow. "Did you just moan?" he asked.

"Yeah.." I laughed my drunk laugh, then took in a deep breath and forced my hand away from his thigh and took a step away from him.

Literally, just one step - and pulled my shirt over my head before throwing it at him and then taking my pants off.

Which I tried to do in a very sexy way, but I was drunk so I just ended up looking like Bella Swan's clumsy ass.

"Baby," he took a deep breath while putting his hands on my shoulders. "I don't think I have ever wanted to fuck you more than I do right now but we can't so, let's just attempt to be reasonable about this. Or make me be reasonable about it. Does that even make any sense? I'm really drunk," he rubbed the side of his face as his eyes roamed over my body. His bit down on his bottom lip and then did this aggravated growling sort of noise before quickly moving away from me. "Must find you pajamas. Yes. Something to cover that delicious body of yours with."

I must say. I did like this side of Phil.

He grabbed a pair of his pajama pants for me and one of his t-shirts and somehow we both managed to change into them without any penetration attacks of any sort.

"I'm very proud of us," I patted Phil's cheek before I turned to walk out of his bedroom.

You should be proud too.

When we got into the livingroom Dan and Cat were laying on our makeshift mattress making out.

"Stop that right now!" I said before jumping down beside them. "None of that! This is sleepover night. Keep it PG," I pushed Dan's forehead away from Cat's face.

Cat did this weird whining noise followed by a sad meow as she clung to Dan like someone was going to steal him from her. "Miiiiine!"

"No one is going to take him from you, trust me," Phil told her as he sat down next to me and then laid down. "Oh wow. This is actually comfortable."

"10 bucks says one of the boys rolls off this bitch and faceplants the hardwood floor at some point," Cat giggled.

"Awwww," I made a pouty face, "Don't say that because we all know if it happens, it'll happen to Phil," I nodded then laughed.

Dan started cackling as he nuzzled up against Catherine, and I realized I was the only person who was still sitting up, so I laid down too.

"I love you guys," I said, wiggling around to get comfortable.

Phil wrapped his arms around me from behind and sat up quickly to lean over and kiss my cheek. "I love you too," he whispered in my ear before lying back down.

"I love all of you, my wonderful babies!" Cat said while flinging her hand around in the air and then letting it fall like dead weight.

"I love you Cat and Leila and Phil," Dan said sleeply from where he was behind Cat.

I looked at her and she had her eyes closed but she smiled. She opened them and saw me looking at her a few seconds later. Everything had gotten quiet so I guess the boys were passing out.

We didn't say anything to each other but I knew that she was thinking what was thinking.

We were two of the luckiest girls ever.


	20. Trouble Is a Friend

**Phil's POV: **

"It's too quiet," I complained while scrolling through my tumblr and not really paying attention to anything. I'd already finished editing my video I'd be posting later and I was bored.

Leila and Cat were at work, obviously. With them around there are rarely quiet moments and I'm not complaining about that. My girlfriend and her sidekick were more entertaining that television most of the time.

Dan was sitting on the couch with his headphones on looking completely zoned out.

"Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt," I started repeating the word over and over again while looking over at him just to see if he was actually listening to anything or just sitting over there with his headphones on like a dork.

My phone vibrated on the couch next to me and I grabbed it really quickly because I was hoping it was Leila. "Ugh! Stupid emails," I grumbled.

I was whipped and I was okay with that. Well, not really whipped. Just really, really in love.

As I was reading over the email on my phone I heard footsteps against the hardwood and when I looked up as I saw Dan walking into the kitchen carrying his laptop, his headphones still on his head.

He sat his computer down next to the refrigerator and then opened it up and started digging through it.

What the hell was he so engaged in?

I kept my eyes on him, and when he began to make his way back into the living room, a bag of crisps poking up over the top of his laptop and a bottle of water tucked under his arm, he finally noticed that I was looking at him, obviously judging him.

"WHAT?" He wasn't really yelling, just speaking loudly, probably trying to hear himself over whatever he was listening to. "DO YOU WANT SOME CRISPS OR SOMETHING, PHIL?" he asked as he took his seat again.

I started laughing because he sounded like a doofus being loud like that. "I'm wondering why the hell you just walked into the kitchen carrying your laptop."

"WHAT?" he asked again, still being really loud as he pulled one side of the headphones away from his ear. "Did you say something?"

"Yes," I laughed. "I said I'm wondering why the hell you just carried your laptop into the kitchen."

"Oh," Dan laughed then pushed his headphones down to his neck with one hand and pulled the wire out of his computer with the other. Loud noise filled the room, causing me to jump.

"HAPPY LLAMA, SAD LLAMA, MENTALLY RETARDED LLAMA, SUPER LLAMA, DRAMA LLAMA, DON'T FORGET BARACK O'LLAMA. FISH. FISH. MORE FISH. TURTLE. SHARK. PEACOCK-"

"That's why," he told me after muting it. "What are you doing?" Dan asked, picking up the crisps to open them.

I just stared at him like he was insane. "You thought it was necessary to take your laptop into the kitchen with you so you could listen to that?"

I'm honestly not sure why I was questioning him on this. He was Dan. He did weird things. It was common knowledge.  
I must have been really bored.

"We need to do something," I sighed as I sat my laptop down on the couch next to me. I got up and made my way into the kitchen even though I wasn't that hungry. Waffles would've been great though. I wonder if you can freeze homemade waffles and heat them up later.

I have problems.

"Wahnt to pflay Skyvrim?" Dan asked as he chewed _very _loudly.

Oh my God, was he trying to drive me mad? He knows I can't stand that.

"I guess so." I walked back into the living room with a cup of orange juice and my boredom.

My phone vibrated again and I picked it up fully expecting it to be an email but got pleasantly surprised by a text from Leila.

**Prepare yourself. Skype date with my parentals tonight and you have to be there. LOVE YOU 3 XOXO**

"Oh fuck!" I blurted out as I gawked at my screen. I felt Dan staring at me and looked up to see him giving me the 'what the fuck' face.  
"Leila just text me and said we're going to be Skyping with her parents tonight."

"Oh shit," Dan started laughing. "Well, that's one way to meet your girlfriend's parents. I mean honestly, that sounds even more awkward than meeting them face to face. That bloody sucks," he shook his head. "Hey, at least you don't have to tell them that she's pregnant. Could you imagine that Skype call?"

Oh wow. He had a point there.

"Bloody hell," I shook my body around in reaction to the thought of that. "I bet her father would find a way to shoot me through the laptop or something. I mean, from what I've heard about them I don't know that they're going to approve of their daughter's boyfriend who wears skinny jeans and has emo fringe."

"Me either," Dan laughed again, not caring to tiptoe around my feelings or tell me otherwise. "I've heard about the Fausts. Did you know that they're both lawyers? They'd probably have you killed."

I glared at him. "Thanks a lot, Dan. I feel so much better about this. I truly do not know what I would do without your support." I spoke in a monotone voice to emphasize how bloody sarcastic I was being.

"Anytime, Phil," Dan smirked. "At least you won't be surprised when they give you the stink eye," he said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out his phone. I'm guessing he'd just gotten some kind of alert because he was focusing on it instead of continuing to make fun of me.

His smirk fell and he started to look a bit terrified. "Oh bloody hell!" he groaned. "Hey babe, date tonight! Me you and my parents!" he read out loud then looked up at me. "This is all your fault!"

Of course I started laughing. "That's what you get, ass!" I continued laughing. "How the hell is it my fault? You should have expected it. Those two are almost always in communication with each other. If it's anyone's fault it's theirs." I sighed as I leaned back on the couch and picked up my glass of orange juice. "From what I've heard Cat's parents are like hippies or some shit. Not literally but I know Leila referred to them as hippies once."

"So?!" Dan furrowed his brow at me, looking at me like I was an idiot. "They're still her parents! Jesus on a boat! I'm not ready for this," he shook his head. "And it's your fault, because of.. reasons!"

"Your girlfriend was right, you know?" I said after taking a sip of my juice. "You are a complete waffly twat," I laughed. "It's not my fault and ya know, it's kind of sad that we're freaking out about this but it wasn't a big deal to just sort of be like 'Oh. Here American girls we just met a month or so ago. Have our hearts. Do what you wish with them' but we're freaking out about meeting their parents on Skype."

"It is your fault though! You're dating Leila and Leila probably told Cat, actually I know she did, so Cat was probably like-" he paused and tilted his eyes and opened his eyes really wide before he started batting his eyelashes, "- Oh, LELE! I should have a Skype date with my parents too! I know they'd love to meet Dan!" he smiled a big smile, talking like Cat in the process before groaning and rubbing his palms against his face. "That's different, Phil. They like us. They're parents, though?" he shook his head. "When's the last time parents liked you? Yours don't count."

"Parents love me!" I laughed. "I'm the sweet, calm, respectful one." I nodded.

Dan didn't look amused. "Yeah well, you also sleep with a Pikachu doll, wear skinny jeans and have a fringe," he said, making a mean face at me. "Oh, and have sex with their daughter. I'm not so sure they'll love you too much."

"For your information, I sleep with Leila not a Pikachu doll and at least I don't run around dropping f-bombs all over the place with my ass hanging out of my pants," I replied before flipping him off like the mature man that I am.

"Brilliant," he sighed, falling back onto the couch. "That makes me feel loads better, Phil. Thanks."

I immediately felt like a dick.

"Dan. We're talking about Cat's parents. They have to know how she is. She's you, Dan. She's you with giant eyeballs, a nicer body, and a vagina. How could they not like you?"

He looked like he was considering what I had told him, "That's a good point," he shrugged and sat up a little. "But I dunno, you know how much of a fail I can be. And I'm younger than she is. Oh bloody hell it's just a Skype call. It's not like they're coming here," Dan seemed like he was talking more to himself than to me.

"We'll be fine. We make videos that thousands of people see and for some reason they still like us. That has to mean we have a good chance with their parents." I think I was also talking to myself.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

Dan and I looked at each other and I knew we were both thinking the same exact thing.

Who is going to answer that.

"I'll get it," he rolled his eyes - I'm pretty sure he knew I was about to use the 'you're closer' card on him.

Plus, I think he wanted to distract himself, if only for a moment.

"Oh God," I heard him mumble before he opened the door. "McKenzie," I could see the fake smile on his face without actually being able to see his face. "What are you doing here? Need some sugar?"

"Depends on what kind you're offering."

Did she really just say that to him? Was I hearing her correctly?  
I leaned forward to look at her and her eyes widened at the sight of me. "Oh! I didn't know you were here too, Phil," she laughed. "Hey!" she waved and I made myself smile as I waved back.

"I actually needed a favor," she chewed on her bottom lip and looked up at him like a lost puppy or some shit. "I sort of locked myself out of my apartment and the manager isn't in his office to let me back in yet. I was wondering if you- you guys- would mind some company?"

Dan looked over his shoulder at me and I could tell that he wanted some kind of an excuse to say no, but neither of us could come up with one quick enough, so he turned his attention back to her. "Uh, sure... Come in," he stepped to the side, and as she walked in he made a face at the back of her head then closed the door.

She smiled as she walked past me and sat down on the couch where Dan had been sitting. I didn't exactly want her to sit with me but I couldn't help but wonder why she chose to sit with him on one of the smallest pieces of furniture in the room.

"I'm a total ditz sometimes," she said as she made herself comfortable on the couch. "I was late for class this morning and completely forgot to grab my keys when I left."

"Happens to the best of us," I replied with a smile.

"Are Leila and Cat at work?" she asked, looking over at Dan.

"Yeah," he nodded. "Speaking of Cat, I'm going to go call her and see what she wants for dinner," Dan looked over at me as he stood up, shooting me a taunting smile because I would have to be left alone with McKenzie. He was probably going to go sit in his room for twenty minutes and not even call Cat.

McKenzie watched him as he walked away and didn't turn her attention to me until his door closed. "How long have they been dating?" she asked as she slid off her shoes and got more comfortable.

"Uhh..." I actually had to think about that for a minute. We'd all been hanging out since Leila and Catherine had arrived about two months ago, but exact dates on when the relationships started, or theirs, at least, escaped me. "Two months?" I shrugged, just deciding to round it up. "Give or take. I'm not completely sure."

She smiled. "They're such a cute couple."

"They're something else," I nodded, shifting my eyes.

This was awkward.

Dan is going to get it for leaving me alone with her.

"You and Leila are super cute too," she smiled. "I can tell she really loves you a lot."

Of course I had to smile when she said that. "Thanks," I replied. "I love her a lot. She's beyond amazing."

"You guys got really lucky. I mean you and Dan are best friends and they are best friends," she nodded. "It would be really bad though if something happened between one of you. Have you ever thought about that?"

I raised an eyebrow as I looked at her. Where the hell did that come from and why did she care?

"Yeah, we have, actually," I replied. "I mean, we all knew we had feelings for each other and that kind of stuff usually doesn't go away. Plus, we live 4 doors apart. It's really hard not to see each other. We all chose to just take a big risk and hope for the best. It hasn't been easy but we're all in a very good place right now."

"Well that's good," she smiled. It didn't look like she meant it. "I only mentioned it because my ex-best friend and I dated best friends. I mean it was awesome at first but now we hate each other because of them," she told me. "She and her boyfriend broke up and I stayed with mine and she would just get like really mad at me and stuff for hanging out around him, but it's not like I could do anything about it, you know?" she shrugged. "Hopefully that won't happen to you guys."

My first instinct was to tell her about how Leila and I were apart for a while and it didn't destroy friendships or even put a dent in them. Leila knew that Cat was talking to me and she never said a word. Leila and I had actually talked about it. But for some reason felt like I didn't need to offer that sort of information to her.  
"That sucks." Brilliant reply, Phil. "I think that we'd all be alright. I mean, if Leila and I split up I wouldn't be bothered by Dan talking to her or by seeing Cat around here."

I wanted to add that we were mature adults who didn't run around getting pissed off at each other because of our choices in friends but I decided against it.

"Do you want something to drink?" I asked, realizing I hadn't offered her anything yet.

"Sure," she replied, smiling at me as I walked into the kitchen. "And that's awesome. It seems like all of you have a really good friendships on top of your relationships."

"We do," I told her as I grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge. "Though, Cat and Dan's friendship consists of making fun of each other pretty often I know she really adores him." I took my seat on the couch again and checked my phone quickly to see if Leila had sent anything else while I continued speaking. "Cat and I have a very fun friendship," I laughed. "But we don't run around trolling each other like Leila and Dan do."

She looked at me and appeared to be confused about something; perhaps it was my use of the word trolling that threw her off. I mean, she didn't know what a ship name was, so why would she know was trolling is?

"A fun friendship?" She tilted her head. "So you and Cat like hang out and stuff without Dan or Leila around?"

"Yeah, we have," I shrugged. "Sometimes Dan and Leila will go to shop together because Cat and I are fully committed to a Mario Kart war or whatever else we want to do. We do have Mario Kart wars a lot though." I laughed.

"And you guys are okay with that?" McKenzie asked after taking a sip of her water. "I mean, a lot of people aren't okay with letting their boyfriend or girlfriend just hang out with another guy or girl," she laughed, though there wasn't anything funny about her question.

"We trust each other. It's simple as that," I replied. "I know that Dan would never betray me like that and I wouldn't betray him like that. She's the only girl he wants and Leila is the only girl I want. Plus, if you don't have trust you might as well not even bother with being in a relationship."

I wondered how old this chick was and why the hell she was suddenly so interested in knowing all about our relationships.

"Hmm. And Leila and Cat are okay with it too? That's..." she shrugged. "Different. I mean, I totally get that they're best friends, but you never know who will try to betray you."

I laughed because the thought of that was so ridiculous to me. She must have some pretty shitty friends to have that sort of opinion.

"Leila and Cat are totally okay with it," I responded. "For example, Cat and I woke up before Leila and Dan the other morning when we all slept in here. We had a sleep over. Don't ask," I laughed. "And Cat and I left them on the floor sleeping by each other while we went to go buy stuff to make more waffles. I never even thought twice about leaving them there and neither did Cat. We all have a very strong bond and we trust each other fully."

Her eyes got wide. "Wow.. I'm not sure I would leave Dan - I mean my boyfriend around Leila. I mean she's really pretty and I get that you guys trust each other but I don't know how I would feel about my boyfriend just sleeping in bed with some other girl," she shrugged. "And if I were a guy, I wouldn't want to leave my girlfriend around Dan," she added with a giggle.

I had to put a lot of effort into not looking at her like she was a complete moron. "We're different then, I suppose," I made myself smile. "I would trust Dan with my life. He's like a brother to me and Cat is becoming like a spazzy older sister."

"How old is she?" McKenzie blurted out. "She looks a lot younger than you."

"Cat? She's 25."

"Dan's only 21... He likes older girls then?"

How she knew Dan's age was - oh, duh, it says it on his Youtube account, and she openly admitted to watching his videos. But why she made the latter comment was beyond me.

"Well, she's only 4 years older than him so it's not much of a gap. Dan looks at personality instead of age or anything else like that. I don't know that there's any other girl who could be more perfect for him though," I laughed.

"Really? I think she seems more.. out there than he is," she laughed. "She's totally awesome though, and super sweet, so I can totally see why he's into her," she nodded. "And she's gorgeous."

I wanted to get defensive because I wasn't lying when I said Cat was becoming like a sister to me and saying that she was 'out there' seemed sort of rude.

"She's a spaz, I know," I laughed at the thought. "But there's a side of her that people who aren't close to her don't see. She's very smart and insightful. I tell Leila that Cat is a mix of her spazziness and then she's part Leila because she can be so deep or whatever and Leila is the same way. She has Cat moments a lot. They're both just fascinating women."

"Oh yeah, they both seem really awesome," she smiled again.

Footsteps coming down the hall let me know that Dan was coming and I felt very relieved. I wasn't sure how much more idle conversation I could handle with this girl.

"Cat wants to make homemade sesame chicken for dinner tonight!" Dan said excitedly, taking a seat beside me instead of beside McKenzie. Honestly, I think he would have rather sat on the floor than to rub elbows with her. "Did you two have a nice chat?" he asked, shooting me another taunting smile.

"Very nice," McKenzie answered for me and I just nodded.

"Great," he fake smiled. I'm pretty sure me, Cat, Leila and a few of our other close friends were the only people who would have known that it was fake. Dan can be quite the actor. "Sadly, I've got to leave you two alone again. I need to go to the store before Cat gets back," he told us as he started putting on his shoes.

Panic. Panic. No. Cannot be alone with the interrogation queen.

"Uh. I need to go with you," I said quickly. "I need," I paused, not knowing what to say. "Wires!" I blurted out.

"Wires?" Dan laughed, shaking his head. "Oh, wires, right," he nodded. "Well you better get your shoes on because this train is about to roll out."

McKenzie cleared her throat and when we looked up at her again, she was on her feet. "I should probably go see if the manager is in yet. I've got tons of homework to do," she smiled. "Oh! And Dan, you should stop by my flat sometime so you can check out the t shirt design I made for you."

"Yeah, sure.. Maybe Cat and I can come by later," he said, lying to the girl's face. 10 pounds says he isn't even going to tell Cat that she made a design for him.

I picked up my phone from the couch and slid it into my pocket as I started walking towards the door. McKenzie followed me and I opened the door for her. "Good luck getting back into your apartment," I told her as she stepped out into the hallway.

"Thanks for letting me hang out for a little while," she smiled, her eyes lingering from me to where Dan was sitting. It was like she was waiting for us to leave before she would.

"Hey Phil, have you seen my wallet?" Dan asked. I looked over my shoulder at him to see that he was moving his arm, motioning for me to close the door. "I can't remember where I put it."

"No?" I played along knowing exactly what he was trying to do. "I'll help you look for it." I looked back at McKenzie and waved. "See you later," I said before backing into the apartment and closing the door. Something made me feel the need to lock the door as fast as possible like she was slenderman standing there or something.

I turned to face Dan again and let out a loud sigh of relief. "That girl is starting to get on my nerves," I said as I kicked my shoes off because I had no intentions of actually going anywhere. "Did you hear all the stuff she was asking me while you left me all alone in here? You owe me, by the way."

Dan started doing the same before he relaxed against the couch. "I didn't hear anything, no," he shook his head. "I went to my room and locked the door.. Sorry about that. I just can't deal with her and I feel like such a twat because she hasn't _really _done anything to me. I'll do you a massive favor sometime dealing with that."

I made my way back over to the couch and sat down. "Well, I don't really think you're a twat for feeling that way about her. Something about her is just off to me and I can't place my finger on what it is. I just haven't said anything because the girls seem to be okay with her. Leila feels sorry for her."

"Ugh, I know," he sighed, rolling his eyes. "Cat has already gotten onto me a few times for making comments about her, so I'm not about to say anything else. But I agree, she's definitely off... Maybe it's because she's young?" he offered, then shook his head. "I never acted like _that _but I'm not a girl. I don't know," he shrugged, holding his hands up with finality.

"Exactly. You're not a girl so it's totally different," I laughed. "But I don't know about how the girls' opinion of her will hold up when I tell them about how very interested McKenzie was in our relationships. That girl has a _very_ high school view on things should be. She basically thinks we're the most bizarre people ever because we trust each other so easily."

"I honestly don't think that will change anything. Cat and Leila are way too nice to think badly of her for asking about that kind of stuff. They're girls too, even though they don't act like it a lot of the time, plus Cat already admitted to McKenzie being a bit juvenile," he said, reaching for the bag of crisps beside him. "What does she expect anyways? All of us to have dysfunctional trust issues?" Shaking his head he popped a crisp into his mouth and started chewing loudly.

"No, Dan. There's something weird about the stuff she was asking. I can't explain it," I thought back over it so I could give him an example of something. Why couldn't he have been eavesdropping? That would've made gossiping easier. "She kept bringing you up a lot. Like it was obvious she really wanted to just hear about you and how you and Cat's relationship is. For example, I said that Cat was perfect for you and she seemed shocked by that and said Cat seemed more out there than you. Of course she followed that up by saying Cat was awesome and she could see why you liked her but I don't know. Something isn't right about her."

Dan made a face like he'd just tasted something sour and proceeded to shiver and nearly convulse. "I feel like she's some kind of slender person about to skin me and wear me around like a bloody overcoat or something. I don't even know what to do, honestly," he grimaced. "And she must be as dumb as she seems, because no one is more out there than I am. Not even Cat."

I had to laugh because of the slender person comment and because he was actually wrong. "No, Dan. Cat is way more out there than you," I laughed. "But that's part of what I love about her and I think that's why she's so good for you. Her weirdness surpasses yours." I picked up my phone to see what time it was because all this talk about the girls was making me want to see Leila more. "But I think we should all watch our steps around this girl. Especially you. I think she's more into you than we know. She knew how old you were too, by the way. So we know she's been lurking around on your channel at least."

"Believe me when I say this, Phil, I'm not taking up for _her_, but thousands of people know that about me, and lurk far more than just my channel." The way he said that sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than trying to convince me. "We both agree that there's something weird about her, so at least the two of us can keep our eyes open and see if she says anything else that's dodgy, since the girls blinded by... estrogen, or whatever the fuck makes them so nice to people."

"Maybe it's that southern hospitality thing," I laughed. "I don't know. Hopefully we're just reading too far into it but at least it kept our minds off of the Skype dates." I sighed loudly thinking about that again. "When are they gonna get home anyway? I hate that neither of them have a set schedule. I get so confused."

"That reminds me," Dan began, sitting up a bit so he could reach his phone that was sitting on the coffee table. "They were together when I called Cat. They were stopping by the store to get a few things for dinner, so they should be here soon."

"IF YOU WANT THESE LUMPS YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO PUT A RING ON IT!"

I just stared at Dan. We both knew exactly who that was.

The door flew open and Cat and Leila were walking in. Leila was just laughing really hard and Cat looked pissed. She sat the bags down on the counter and turned towards Leila. "WHERE'S MY RING?!" she yelled sounding exactly like Lumpy Space Princess as she held her left hand in Leila's face.

Leila sat the bags she was carrying down on the counter, still laughing, before she turned back towards Catherine and got down on one knee. She pulled the piece of gum that was in her mouth out and proceeded to wrap it around Cat's ring finger. "NOW GIVE ME THOSE LUMPS!" She demanded, wrapping her arms around her.

"You two know how to make an entrance," Dan laughed as he got up from the couch and made his way towards Cat. He leaned in and kissed her, not really caring that Leila was still latched onto Cat's lower half. "Did you have a good day today, baby?" he asked.

"DANIEL, GET YOUR BALLS AWAY FROM MY FACE!" Leila tried to sound serious but ended up laughing halfway through it, falling back onto her ass.

Cat started cackle laughing and leaned down to kiss the top of Leila's head before she looked down at her own hand and started attempting to peel the gum off of her finger. "Lele! This is bubblicious. This shit never comes off!" she laughed and she finally turned her attention to Dan who was standing there looking pitiful. "Awww. Poor baby," she poked her bottom lip out as she stepped up to him. "I got a kiss and everything and didn't even say hi. So mean," she grinned as she stood on her tiptoes to kiss his lips.

I leaned forward on the couch and looked at Leila who was still sitting on the floor. "Hi there. I'm Phil. You're pretty sexy. I think we should make out."

Leila gasped and flung her hand to her mouth. "But I just put a ring on the Lumpy Cat Princess! I can't just cheat on her," she said then looked up at Cat to see that she and Dan were still kissing. "SLUT! Fine then! I'll just go make out with this Phil person," she told her before literally crawling across the floor and over to where I was sitting. She put her hands on her knees and puckered her lips in a very funny looking way, waiting for me to kiss her.

"You are absolutely insane," I laughed as I leaned down and kissed her lips. "But that's part of why I love you." I moved my lips up to her forehead and blew a very loud raspberry on it.

"YOU JUST MOLESTED MY FOREHEAD BIRTHING AREA!" She gasped, falling back onto her bum again before she pushed herself up. "I'm so glad you love my insanity," she smiled, leaning down to press a kiss against my lips. "I'm hungry. Cat, can you suck Dan's face off after we eat?" She laughed as she walked towards the two of them, who were still embraced.

I grabbed her arm and pulled her hard until she fell down on me. I wrapped my arms around her back and grabbed her ass to pull her closer to me. "Who said that I was done sucking your face off?" I asked before kissing her lips again and trailing my tongue along her bottom lip just to tease her. "You taste like watermelon."

"Well then," she laughed against my lips as she wrapped her arms around my neck then returned the kiss, making a loud smacking noise before she pulled away slightly. "You taste like..." she tilted her head kissed me again, her tongue moving between my lips, tasting me. "Oranges," she smiled and pulled away again.

Damn. If she kept kissing me like that then we weren't going to make it for dinner. "I was drinking orange juice," I told her before kissing her again and tightening my grip on her ass to pull her closer to me.

"STOP THIS MADNESS!" Cat yelled suddenly while pointing towards us. "Bad. Bad! I need a water bottle to spray you two when you do these things."

"Who is going to spray you two?" I asked after reluctantly pulling away from Leila. "We'll be too busy doing this to spray you guys," I laughed.

"PHIL IS SUCH A HORNY HORN FACE!" Cat laughed, looking over at Dan. "It's cause Lele's vagina is magical," she nodded. "Oh. This is random but how much are you two shitting on yourselves about the Skype dates tonight?" she grinned like she was amused by our pain.

I groaned and let my head fall back against the couch. "Why did you have to remind me?"

Leila made what I'm guessing was supposed to be an offended face at me, "You mean you're not excited to meet my parents on Skype?!" she gasped.

"Ugh," Dan huffed. "Seriously, why? I had just forgotten about it again," he whined. "Obviously we're both _thrilled_."

"Aww. They'll love you. Don't worry," Cat reached up and patted Dan's cheek. "Wanna help me cook, tall man with a large...body?"

"EW!" I made a disgusted face because I knew what she was really going to say. "Leilaaaa," I whined and gave her my pouty face. "Your parents are going to think I'm unworthy of their daughter or some kind of movie moment shit like that."

"Sure. It'll distract me from what I'm sure will be an epic fail at meeting your parents later," Dan smiled.

"No they won't," she laughed. "I'm sure they'll love you just as much as I do," she said then pecked my lips. "And even if they don't," she shrugged, "I don't really care what they think."

"I do!" I replied probably sounding like a girl. "I want them to like me."

"They like me," Cat told me as she was holding up a piece of chicken and waving it around in front of Dan like he was an actual Cat. "They've always liked me and they know I'm a total doofus."

"Well, that does make me feel a little better," I laughed. Leila was still looking at me and I turned my attention back to her. I tucked her hair behind her ear and leaned in to press my forehead against hers. "I'm glad you're home. I missed you today."

"I missed you too," she told me, rubbing her hand against my chest. "But I'm not even going to lie, I had a lot of fun today. They were getting everything ready for the movie with wardrobe and scene testing. It was awesome. Shooting starts in about a week. I am so excited about it! Which reminds me, if you want, you can come on set and check everything out once filming starts."

"Really?" I asked excitedly. I really was excited about that. I had always wanted to experience the behind the scenes aspect of a film. "I'd love to! That'd be amazing."

"I thought you'd be excited about that. Oliver also said that you could film it, if you wanted," Leila told me before glancing into the kitchen where Dan and Cat were busy preparing dinner. "He also said that you could come too, Dan," she told him. "And of course Cat doesn't need an invite because he already knows that she's my partner in crime."

That caught Dan's attention and he looked over his shoulder at her. "Really?!" he asked, sounding just as excited as me. "Fuck yeah! If I didn't have chicken gook all over my hands I would come in there and hug you for that. Thank you though, that's an awesome opportunity!"

"I think you just became Dan's new favorite person," I laughed. Before she could say anything her phone started vibrating in her pocket and she had to stand up from her position on me to pull it out of her back pocket.

"Oh, it's an email from my mom," she said as she glanced down at me. "You ready to meet my parents, babe?"

It felt like someone punched me in the stomach. Definitely not ready. "Let's go for it," I managed to make myself say as I stood up from the couch. "Let's go to my room just in case the children break out into song or something." I picked up my laptop and made my way down the hall to my room before opening the door for her to walk in.

We made ourselves comfortable on the bed and I opened my laptop and slid it over to her. "It's all yours." I had an urge to run to the bathroom and make sure I looked okay but decided against it. My palms were sweating I was so nervous!

Leila started typing in her Skype information and then looked over at me before actually signing in, "They're going to love you," she reassured then popped a quick kiss against my lips. "Okay, let's do this," she said to herself. I think she might have been nervous too; which didn't help - why would she be nervous to speak to her parents?

No sooner than the Skype messenger loaded, a box popped up and a ringing noise sounded from the speakers.

"Calm down, parents," she laughed before she accepted the call. After about two seconds the box expanded and I saw two people sitting side by side. Her parents.

Mr. Faust was obviously wearing a suit and at first a very stern expression, while Mrs. Faust was wearing something as dressy as what Leila and Cat had been wearing.

I already felt out of place and no one had even said anything yet.

"Hey mom, hey dad," Leila waved.

"Hey honey," they said at the same time, I could see in the screen that they were both looking at me now.

"This is Phil," Leila introduced me, putting her hand on my shoulder. "My boyfriend."

I smiled and waved at them already feeling like the most awkward human being on earth. "Hi Mr. and Mrs. Faust. It's so nice to finally speak with you." I sounded so formal. I guess that'd be better than being like HEY. YOUR DAUGHTER IS AMAZING AND HOT AND I THOUGHT I MADE A BABY WITH HER.

"Hello," Leila's father responded, while her mother continued looking at me like I was some sort of strange space creature.

"We didn't know you were dating anyone, Leila." Her mom finally looked away from me, obviously confused. "Is that the same boy who had the whiskers on his face in that video I saw?"

"I uh, wanted to wait to tell you guys when you could actually meet him. Or, kind of meet him," she cleared her throat. "And yes, mom, that's Phil."

Oh bloody hell. This is already horrible. "I'm sorry that the first time you saw me had to be while I had whiskers on my face and I was probably answering horrible questions," I laughed nervously.

Leila's Dad looked incredibly confused. "What the hell are you all talking about?" he looked at Leila's Mom and then back to the computer. "How did you two meet?"

Leila ignored his first question and went on to answer the second. "We're neighbors, dad. Phil lives in the same building a few doors down from where Catherine and I are staying."

"And you draw whiskers on yourself, son?" He brought it up again. "Do you have some sort of strange feline fetish?"

"Oh God," Leila whispered so quietly that I hardly heard her.

"No, honey, he did it for his video," her mom tried to explain.

"What video? I still don't know what you're talking about when you say that," he looked over at his wife, who looked clueless.

"No sir, I don't have a feline fetish." Oh fuck. This guy is scary. I think I was right about the whole shooting me from across the ocean thing. "My best friend and I make videos and put them on Youtube. Drawing the whiskers on ourselves is just something that our fans like for some reason. My videos are pg-13, by the way," I laughed.

Mr. Faust, on the other hand, did not. He looked more confused than ever.

"Your fans?" His brow furrowed together and I couldn't help but notice that it looked a lot like Leila when she got confused. "What exactly do you do, Phil?" he asked. I could almost hear his gun cocking.

I cleared my throat and adjusted my hair like I always do when I'm a complete nervous wreck. "I make weekly videos on Youtube," I told him. "I have a lot of subscribers so I'm a Youtube partner and get paid since there are ads on the videos and whatnot."

He looked quite relieved by my answer, but still slightly confused nonetheless. "So you don't have a job then?" he asked.

"Yes, dad, he has a job," Leila butted in. "That's his job. Youtube pays him to make videos. He just told you that," I could tell that she was getting a little frustrated, but was keeping calm regardless.

"That's an odd job to have," he commented. "Are you in school as well?"

"I've already gone to University," I replied. "So, I do have something to fall back on if things don't work out with Youtube in the future."

The bedroom door opened and I looked up to see Cat walking in. I couldn't remember ever being so happy to see her. She hopped on the bed behind us and leaned forward between our shoulders. "Hey other parental units!" she waved. "Y'all giving Philertons a hard time?"

YES, CAT. YES THEY ARE.

Mrs. Faust perked up as soon as she saw Catherine plop down on the bed behind us, "We would never," she laughed, and I honestly think she had no idea that they had been. "How are you honey?" she asked, leaning in towards the screen, as if it would make it easier to see Cat. "Are you making sure Leila behaves herself?"

I heard an audible chuckle from Leila before he leaned down, out of the shot and put her hand over her mouth, pretending like she'd dropped something on the floor.

"I'm great," Cat replied. "Yeah. We're behaving. Doing the usual. Smoking crack, working on the corner, getting pregnant. Normal stuff."

Oh God. Getting pregnant. Really, Cat?

Cat wrapped her arms around my shoulders and started nuzzling the side of my head with her cheek. "What do y'all think of the Philertons?" she cupped my chin with her hand and shook my face back and forth. "He's so cuuuuuuuute!" she squealed. "He takes very good care of Leila and even me so y'all don't need to give him a hard time. You know any guy has to have my seal of approval to be around."

Both of them started laughing at her. "Oh honey, we know you have a level head on your shoulders," Mrs. Faust said once she calmed down a little.

"And I don't?" Leila sat back up. "Thanks, guys," she shook her head.

"Oh come on, Leila, we never said that," her mother laughed again. "Oh by the way, I expect the two of you will be coming back here for Thanksgiving? Or are you going back to Louisiana to visit your parents?"

"We're staying here," Leila blurted out before Cat had a chance to say anything. Her mother's eyes got wide. "Phil's never had a Thanksgiving before, so we're going to give him one."

"Dan hasn't either," Cat added as she stopped attacking my hair. I'm pretty sure she was biting it or something but I didn't want to react like I normally would in front of Leila's parents. "We're gonna cook all kinds of good stuff. They're not gonna know what to do with themselves. But anyway, I'm gonna get out of y'all's conversation. Bye Fausty Fausts!" she waved.

Leila turned to look at Cat and mouthed what I'm pretty sure was "Don't go," but she did.

"So you're just going to celebrate there?" her mother asked, but before she had a chance to respond, her mother went on. "Well, I don't see why we couldn't," she motioned between Leila's dad and herself. "Right, Rick? We've never been to England, and we would love to see Cat, and meet your boyfriend," she said it like I wasn't sitting right in front of them.

"What- wait. You guys want to come _here_? Don't you have work.. you know, and criminals to protect or prosecute?" Leila asked.

I hoped that the immediate feeling of panic that slapped me in the face wasn't obvious. But I knew I should probably say something. This was my chance to get some good boyfriend points.

"We'd love to have you!" I blurted out and immediately felt Leila's eyes on me. I refused to look over at her.

"Lovely!" she chirped. "Leila, no need to hide your excitement," her mother called her out.

"I'm excited," she smiled. I'm pretty sure it was forced. "I'm just surprised, that's all. You're both usually so busy... How long do you plan on staying here for?"

"Not long," Mr. Faust spoke up, "I've got a big trial the following Monday that I'll have to prepare for. So Saturday at the latest, but-"

"Friday morning," her mom rolled her eyes. "You know how your father gets before a trial like that. We won't subject you to it for any longer than a day or two."

Out of absolutely nowhere Cat unleashed this horrible horror movie scream in the kitchen followed by what sounded like a pan being flung across the room. I looked at Leila and she looked at me. We both shrugged and looked at the computer again.

"What the hell was that?" Leila's Dad asked, looking very confused.

"Cat probably just killed Dan or something," I laughed. "She's cooking with him."

"Ah," he nodded as he folded his arms over his chest. "Let her know that if she needs a lawyer for it I can get her out of it. I've already done it. Twice this month."

This guy is going to poison my turkey on Thanksgiving. I just know it.

"I know you two must be very proud of how successful Leila has been." I just pulled that out of my ass to talk about to avoid conversations about murder. "She's probably the most hard working woman I have ever met." That was the truth though.

"Oh we're very glad that she's been successful," her dad began, his eyes moving between Leila and I, "But I still think she should be in school," he said sternly, but the look softened and she actually smiled for the first time during the entire conversation. "That's very true, son. She's got quite a bit of ambition," he held his hand up, blocking his mouth from his wife's vision, "She get's that from me," he laughed.

Mrs. Faust didn't look very amused by that. "Yeah, well she also got your hard-headedness."

"I'm right here," Leila laughed, throwing her hands up. "And I'm not hard headed, thank you very much," she glanced over at me and tilted her head. "Am I?"

I raised an eyebrow and laughed. "Yeah, you are. It's not a bad thing though. You're just determined." I immediately leaned away to avoid being slapped or something.

"Uh oh. You better be careful, son. I know that look, and if she hurts you, I'm going to have to side with her," her dad laughed.

"HEY BABIES, FOODS DONE!" Cat screamed from the kitchen.

"Oh, we don't want to keep you guys," Leila's mom smiled. "You go and eat. Leila, I'll email you soon and let you know when we'll be getting in. We love you, honey, and it was nice to meet you, Phil."

"Love you too mom, dad," Leila smiled, waving before she closed the top of the laptop and looked over at me. "You are in SO much trouble, Phillip," Leila shook her head and within the blink of an eye, had me pinned down against my bed, playfully smacking me with a pillow.

"Ohhhwwwrrr, we'd LOVE to have you!" She mocked me, "Oh, you're SO hard-headed! Ohhhwwwrr, HAR HAR," she threw the pillow then proceeded to jab her fingers into me sides, tickling me.

"Oh God!" I screamed like a girl trying to get out from under her. "Please stop!" I laughed as I managed to grab her hands to keep her from poking at me. I leaned up and pressed my lips against hers, not hesitating to sneak my tongue past her soft lips. "You are hard headed but I love you for it," I whispered against her lips before kissing her again.

"Nope," she shook her head, her lips still against mine. "Not falling for your magical Phil Lester mouth powers. Sorry. You're in trouble. A lot of it," she protested, trying to yank her arms out of my grasp. "I'm not hard headed, either," she added, still fighting against me.

"We both know that you are," I grinned up at her before trailing my lips down the side of her neck and then slowly back up it placing soft kisses as I moved along. "I'm sure you won't mind if I make it up to you later tonight though, yes?" I whispered in her ear.

Her head fell back as her eyes closed, and for a second I thought I'd won. Proof that she _is _hard-headed; because as soon as I loosened my grasp she yanked her wrists away. "Nope!" she put her hands on my shoulders. "You can't seduce your way out of this one, Mr. Lester. Sorry," she pushed me back against the bed and grabbed the lion off of the headboard and tried to shove it in my mouth. "Enjoy that, because that's the only pussy you're getting."

I shook my head to get away from the lion attack while laughing really hard. "You're just proving my point, sweetheart!" I told her through my laughing fit. "See? You're being hard headed right now. I grabbed her by her waist and flipped her onto her back before pinning her arms above her head as I settled my body on top of hers. "But, like I said," I spoke softly as I leaned down closer to her. "That's part of what I love about you. You're determined," I kissed her lips. "You're strong," I kissed the right corner of her mouth. "You're ambitious," I kissed the left corner of her mouth and then I leaned up to look down at her. "And i'm lucky because you're mine." I kissed her lips again and quickly pulled back. "And I am not sucking up to get out of being in trouble for earlier."

Leila just looked up at me for a while. I could tell that she was trying really hard not to smile, and even further not the laugh, but she met defeat and the corners of her mouth curled up, causing her to grin. "You suck," she laughed and leaned up to kiss me again. "And good, because you're still in trouble. Less trouble, though. I can't be _that _hard on someone - oh, yes I can, because I'm so hard headed." Her head fell back against the bed again and she let out a groan. "Ughhhhh. They're going to torture me and then they're going to interrogate you even more."

I laughed and leaned down to kiss her lips again. "We'll be okay, sweetheart. We'll live. Maybe we can just get them drunk or something. If all else fails we can get Dan and Cat drunk and let them run loose to take the attention off of us."

"Maybe Dan can slip them Rohypnol," she shrugged. "Then they'll just sleep through their visit."

"GUYS, STOP HAVING SEX AND COME EAT!" Dan screamed.

"YEAH, BABIES. IT'S GOING TO GET COLD!" Cat added.

"WE'RE COMING. HAR HAR." Leila yelled back at them.

I moved off of Leila and stood up and extended my hand to help her up. She took it and pulled herself up and followed behind into the dining room where Dan and Cat were sitting side by side.

"Smells amazing," I said as I pulled out a chair for Leila to sit down. I took the chair next to that one and started putting food on my plate.

"So, how did it go?" Cat asked before picking up her drink to take a sip.

I laughed. "Awkward and terrifying. I'm also in trouble for saying that Leila is hardheaded," I told her before I took a bite of my sesame chicken which was amazing. "Oh shfit. Dis ish good," I said with my mouth full because I have matters. "Oh!" I spoke again after I was done with that bite of food. "And her parents are coming here for Thanksgiving."

"WHAT?!" Dan shrieked, half masticated chicken flying out of his mouth. "I mean.." he looked around. "What?" he asked again, this time laughing instead of looking like someone had just stepped on his testicles. "Leila, your parents do realize that it's not an English holiday, right?"

"No Dan, they don't know that," she shook her head, obviously being sarcastic. "If you want to blame anyone, blame Mr. Oh-we-would-love-to-have you," she said, glancing over at me before popping a piece of chicken into her mouth instantly moaning. "Oh gaw, so goofd." She held her thumbs up.

I sighed and gave Leila an evil look. "Look, they were going to come whether I said that or not. Your Mom practically had it mapped in her head the second she thought of it. I was just trying to get some good boyfriend points."

Cat laughed. "Awww. Poor Phil looked so scared when I came in there. Which is understandable. Leila's Dad goes into scary lawyer mode and I'm like WHOA. Shit's about to get real."

"Exactly!" I said, holding my hand out towards Cat. "She can back me up on this. I needed to make your Dad stop staring at me with a look that said 'If you're touching my daughter's vagina I'm going to have your dick cut off and put in a jar'."

"And you think that look will be any better in person?" Dan blurted out. Cat turned her attention towards him and he looked over at her. "What? It's true."

"Dan's right," Leila laughed. "I even think that he's scary and he's _my _dad..." she looked back over at me and sighed. "I understand why you did it, babe. I do, and I'm glad that you care enough to want them to like you," she nodded. I was kind of surprised by this, but I reckon she didn't want all of this play fighting to actually turn into real fighting.

I smiled at her. "Well, at least you all know that if they go crazy or something it'll most likely be directed towards the person who puts his p in her v. I didn't mean to like ruin Thanksgiving or anything though."

"Aww, you didn't ruin it," Leila frowned and reached over to put her hand on my thigh. "It'll be... fun. My mom is an amazing cook. With her and Cat cooking together.. I need GIFs to describe it. It'll be mouth-fap worthy."

I picked her hand up and kissed the back of it. "Well, that is one thing to look forward to," I grinned at her. "I am way too excited about the food."

"So, what did you two do today other than miss us terribly?" Cat asked as she pushed her plate away from herself, just like Dan might I add, and leaned back on her chair.

I groaned and rolled my eyes. "Well, Dan decided to leave me alone with little Ms. Nosy Pants but somehow I survived."

"Hey, Phil, I said I was sorry about doing that," Dan laughed. "I do owe you big time for that though. I'm sure it was horrible."

"You have no bloody idea," I rolled my eyes.

"Wait, who are y'all talkin about?" Cat asked as she turned around on her chair to see us both better.

"McKenzie," I told her. "She came by today because she locked herself out of her apartment. Dan left me in here alone with her and she interrogated me about all of our relationships," I said while pointing around the room at all of us.

She raised an eyebrow. "Random. I don't get why y'all don't like her. She's super sweet."

"What makes you so sure about that?" Dan blurted out. "You hardly know her."

I saw this weird look flash across Cat's face and instantly remembered the first night we all met. Oh shit.

"What exactly has that girl done to get your panties in such a bunch, Dan? Breathe or something?" she replied in a not so friendly tone.

Dan rolled his eyes almost like a reflex, and I could tell that he regretted doing so, but, being Dan, he wasn't about to just back down. "Uh, pretty much," he shrugged. "She's annoying. I'm sorry that you don't see it, and that you're mind is clouded with feeling so sorry for her, but she acts like a bloody 14 year old." Dan shifted his eyes towards me like he was looking for back up.

"My mind is not clouded with feeling sorry for her. I judge people on how they treat me," she paused and folded her arms over her chest. "Thank God I didn't do the same when I first met-"

"Whoa!" I interrupted because I knew this would probably get bad. "Seriously, Cat, I see where you're coming from. I do. But I'm with Dan on this one and we know that doesn't happen often. Plus, if you heard the things she was saying today then you would probably change your mind a bit on how you see her."

Dan, who looked almost as angry as Cat, shifted his eyes between us. "You know earlier I would have been against you even mentioning this to her, but since I'm the bad person here, go on, tell her what she was saying," he said flatly.

I sighed loudly and rubbed my face before going into my summary of what she had said. I couldn't really read Cat's facial expression. If I had to guess I would say it was angry/confused? Angrifused?

"Okay then," she cleared her throat and stood up from the table before picking up her plate. "That is pretty damn strange. I mean, I understand asking a few questions but she was like interrogating you," she said as she walked into the kitchen and dropped the plate into the sink loudly. "And why the fuck did she say I'm out there? I'm not _that_ out there."

We all stared at her as she walked back into the room and she paused and rolled her eyes. "Fuck you guys. I know I'm weird. But, I mean, maybe she's just young and curious? Maybe she's one of those people who doesn't care about how nosy she sounds?" She sighed as she sat back down. "I just hate the thought of someone making the wrong assumptions about someone and treating them badly when they don't deserve it."

Leila cleared her throat and the three of us looked over at her. "So, this isn't any of my business, but, um, that night that we had that sleepover.. I thought I noticed something," she began, looking between us. "I figured it was just me being drunk, but I saw her giving you the fucking stink eye. Like, bad, when you and Dan were kissing.. And it was right before she left. I didn't think anything of it, I mean that was pretty fucking nasty public kissing," she paused to laugh, despite the tension in the room, "But now that I've heard the shit she was asking... I don't know," she was looking directly at Cat, shrugging.

Cat stayed pretty quiet but was chewing on her bottom lip as she looked at Leila. "And now that I think of it," she looked over at Dan. "She was pretty much climbing you like a fucking tree or something in that photo that night. I was just too drunk and horny to care I guess."

"I noticed that too," Leila commented. "But again, I didn't think anything of it because of how other girls kind of.. curl up with them for pictures."  
"Yeah that's pretty much how I saw it," Cat responded. "I don't know. I do see where y'all are coming from a bit more but I'm not going to go out of my way to ignore her or be rude or whatever. I will definitely watch my step with her though. I'm not _that_ stupid."

"I think watching your step with her would definitely be wise," I told her even though I was slightly afraid to be in the conversation. I knew that there was nothing to worry about because Dan would probably rather sodomize himself with a Wii remote than do anything with that girl but I certainly didn't want Cat to get her feelings hurt.


	21. DA FUQ?

**Dan's POV: **

Dinner was done and over, and now it was my turn to be in Phil's unfortunate shoes.

It was time to Skype-meet Cat's parents.

Luckily our little argument didn't turn into a big fight; though Cat still wasn't sold on McKenzie being a fucking weirdo. I guess I should have expected that though. Cat's a really, really nice person. Much nicer than I am, obviously.

Whatever, at least now she knew how the girl was acting, and would be able to see past her juvenile behavior instead of brushing it off to be just that.

The four of us - and when I say the four of us, I mean Cat and Leila. Phil and I just smiled and nodded - came to the conclusion that McKenzie had a harmless crush on me, like thousands of other girls.

You know, I might have been happy to agree, but something told me that it went further than that - plus, those thousands of other girls don't know where I live.

Cat and I were getting comfortable on my bed while she had my computer in front of her, signing us in to Skype; I wasn't ready for this at all. I mean it was a pretty bloody big deal to meet your girlfriend's parents, but even more so knowing that they had seen my videos.

Me dropping f-bombs.  
Me making fun of people.  
Me acting horrific.  
Me being... _me. _

"I feel like I need a Xanax," I sighed. I don't know what the hell a Xanax is, but I'd heard Cat tell Leila that she needed one all the time when Leila would get uptight over being nervous.

She pressed the call button without even warning me which nearly made me shit myself. "Dan," she sighed as she looked over at me. "I'm sorry for popping off like that. I was sort of being a fucking bitch and-"

"Catherine Radley, why would you be mean to that cute boy?" a woman's voice that sounded scarily like Cat's but even more southern came out of the laptop and we both turned to see her Mom sitting there smiling. She definitely got her looks from her Mom too.

"Hey Mama," Cat smiled and waved at the camera. "I had a moment. Calm down," she laughed. "Mom. This is my boyfriend, Dan. Dan, this is my Mom." she motioned between the laptop and me and her Mom just beamed at me.

"Hi there sweetheart! Oooo he is so cute, Cat!" she laughed.

"Hi, mom," I waved and smiled, a very wide smile because of the complement.

Wait. Did I just call her mom?

Well, I didn't know what else to call her.

"It's nice to meet you," I told her, because I suppose it was. I mean, this was already going better than Phil's parental Skype date.

"Where's Daddy?" Cat asked. I couldn't help but notice how much thicker her accent got as soon as she was talking to her Mom.

"Around here somewhere," her Mom waved her hand around. "You know how he is."

"Oh yeah," she laughed. "So, what's been goin down in Louisiana town?"

"Louisiana is a state, doofus," her Mum responded quickly and I couldn't stop myself from laughing. The apple did not fall far from the tree.  
"I'm aware of that, butthead," Cat replied and I looked at her wide eyed. My Mum would've smacked me for calling her a butthead. Yes, we were on the computer but she would've found a way.

"Same old, same old. Everybody is just gettin' crazier but I'm sure you know that. I saw your pictures!" she said excitedly before reaching over the side of the couch she was sitting on for something. She came back with a People magazine in her hand. I hadn't even seen her photos in it. "Oh we are so proud of our baby. Her picture on the cover of people magazine!"

"I totally forgot about that," Cat laughed, her cheeks getting red from being embarrassed. "That's from a shoot I did before they relocated me."

"Baby!" I heard a man yell. "Baby, where are you?"

"I'm in the living room. Stop yellin' like a damn monkey man!" Of course, I was laughing again. This was like watching tv but better.

"Something is wrong with this damn thing!" I could see a tall man walking down the hallway and when he appeared he was holding a- no way.

"DAD!" Cat squealed, slapping the bed but laughing.

"Oh my Lord, man. You can't just walk around with your bong while I'm talkin' on the computer!" her Mom told him and he quickly bent down and then stood back upright with a very startled look on his face but no bong.

I was starting to wonder if Cat was trolling me. These could not be her real parents.

"Hey sweetheart!" he waved before walking around the couch to sit next to her Mum. "You look good! Who's this guy sittin' next to you? The one I'm cleanin' my gun for?"

"Daddy, please," she rolled her eyes. "This is my boyfriend Dan. Dan, this is my crazy ass, hippie of a father."

I was unable to keep myself from laughing. What in the actual fuck? Was this real life?

"No need to clean your gun for me, sir. If you're going to kill me, you can do it dirty." Oh God. That sounded wrong.

Why did I even say that?

Jesus on a boat.

"It's nice to meet you though," I added, nodding. "I've heard loads about both of you."

"Dirty!" her Dad laughed loudly. "I like this kid," he nodded.

"Thank God," Cat sighed. "I mean, I figured y'all would but-"

"Well, he already seems a hell of a lot better than the mentally deficient dumbasses you used to bring around when you lived here," her Dad interrupted her and her Mom started laughing.

Cat smacked her own forehead. "Oh no. Please don't."

"I'll spare him the details," he grinned. Damn. I kind of wanted the details. What kinds of guys did she date before me?

"I just talked to Leila's Mama before we got on here," her Mom spoke up again. "She said they're comin' for Thanksgiving. Thanks for the invite, only daughter of mine that I went through 34 hours of birth to bring into this world. I laid there letting your big head rip through my va-"

"MAMA!" Cat yelled, shaking her head around like crazy. "Please do not," she laughed, holding her hand up. "That literally just happened. Leila and I hadn't even thought about inviting anyone here yet. We didn't think y'all would want to come."

"Hell yeah we do!" her Dad told her. "I wanna go on an adventure!"

Was she a carbon copy of her parents?

"Well, y'all are more than welcome to come," Cat told them and I realized how fucking lucky I was compared to Phil right now. Cat had cool parents. Ha. Ha. I win.

"Dan, is our daughter treating you right?" her Mom pulled my attention away from my little victory chant in my head.

"She's alright," I laughed, poking my elbow into her, but decided that it might be too soon to be making those kinds of jokes, even though her parents were motherfucking awesome. "Just kidding. Cat is great," I smiled. "She's one of the sweetest, kindest, hard working women I've ever met. You did an excellent job with her," I laughed again. "I'm lucky to have her... Oh, and she is such a fu- fantastic cook. I reckon she gets that from you?" I asked, looking at her mother.

"You know it, sweetie," her Mum grinned from ear her ear. "We are proud of our baby."

"I love how y'all don't ask me if he's treating me right," Cat laughed.

Her Dad rolled his eyes. "We know you know how to shoot a gun. We don't have to worry."

Note to self: Cat knows how to shoot a gun.

"So, are y'all comin' here? Mama, you had a bit of an a.d.d moment before you could say," Cat laughed.

Her Mum and Dad looked at each other and shrugged before looking back at us. "Sure!"

"Excellent!" I blurted out, then glanced over at Catherine who was already looking at me. "Sorry, I'm just excited to meet you guys face to face now," I said, looking back at the screen.

Which was true.

Sure I'd been terrified at first. But now? PFT. They're fucking awesome!

And it was going to be fun to rub it in Phil's face.

"No reason to apologize, son. We lived with the girl next to you for many years. We're used to outbursts, f-bombs, and any other random crazy shit you can think of," her Dad laughed. "She got it honest."

"She got it from her Daddy's side," her Mum added.

"Bullshit!" her Dad laughed. "She got some of it from you."

"See what I lived with?" Cat asked me but she was smiling because she loved it.

"I miss y'all so much. I can't wait to see both of you," Cat told them and I swear I thought she was getting a bit teary eyed which I did not like. Seeing those big eyeballs of her when she cried was just so damn sad.

"Well, you won't have to wait much longer, baby," her Mum smiled. "Dan, we can't wait to meet you, sweetheart. I like you already. But we have to go because I need to go get me some Diet Dr. Pepper before I flip out."

"Mom, the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem," Cat told her in a serious voice.

"Har. Har." her Mom rolled her eyes. "I'll call you in a little while, baby," she smiled. "See you two cuties later!"

"Love you sweetheart!" her Dad waved.

"Love you too, Daddy. Love you, Mama!"

"Love you too, baby," she said before the call ended.

Cat just stared at the screen instead of looking at me and then she finally moved her hand up right as I saw a tear roll down her cheek and she quickly wiped it away. She looked over at me and laughed. "Sorry. I'm being a total titbag. I just- sometimes I don't realize how much I really miss them because I'm so busy and then when I do it's like BAM. FEELS."

I laughed, because what she said was funny, but leaned in a little closer, putting my hand on her cheek. "Don't apologize," I told her, wiping the wetness away from her face with my thumb. "You're far away from them. It's expected. But on the bright side, you get to see them soon. And honestly? I really am excited to actually meet them. They seem like a bloody trip."

"They are pretty great," she nodded before wrapping her arms around my shoulders and crawling onto my lap. "And I've never seen them like someone instantly like that. Except Leila but she wasn't my boyfriend," she laughed. "You and your British charm," she grinned up at me before kissing my lips.

"I'm surprised that they liked me at all," I laughed, brushing hair away from her face. "I mean, they're both really down to earth, but I don't usually make good impressions on adults, mainly parents," I slid my arms down her back and hugged her against my chest.

"Well, you know, even your best friend says I'm the female version of you so maybe that's why my parents like you," she laughed. "Mama probably wants to steal you cause you're hot and Dad probably wants to talk to you about Pink Floyd and insightful things."

"Things could get pretty heavy, especially if he brings that bong with him," I laughed. "Seriously, that damn thing was almost as tall as you!" I shook my head. "You never told me that your dad was a pothead," I looked at her. I mean, she'd told me that her parents were hippies... Maybe I should have known by that alone.

She started laughing pretty hard. "He's really not a pothead. I know it didn't look that way but-" she paused. "Okay, maybe he is a pothead but he's really fucking smart and he mainly smokes it cause his anxiety is so bad. Or he just likes getting high. Probably both. But he works his ass off and is good to my Mom and was a great Dad to me so he can do whatever he wants in my book." She laughed again. "You should have seen Leila the time she accidentally ate one of his pot brownies. Holy shit. I'd pay to see Phil after he ate some of those."

"I wasn't judging," I assured her. "I don't see anything wrong with cannabis use. It's not like he's a crackhead, or smoking meth, or something horrific," I laughed, then tilted my head. "Oh fuck! I think I would pay to see that too! Phil is already awkward. It could either make him even more awkward, or completely turn him around and make him act more ridiculous than the two of us put together."

I wonder if I asked him, if he would make some and not tell Phil. Oh, good God, that would be so priceless.  
She sighed as she laid her head on my chest and nuzzled her face against my neck. I could tell she was smelling my cologne like she always did. "I'm so blown away by the whole almost baby Phileila thing. It was so bizarre. It feels like it never even happened now. But I'm glad it did because it got the two of them to speak to each other again."

"That's a bit random," I commented, twirling a piece of her hair around my finger. Honestly, since the whole thing happened, I hadn't really thought about it. She was right. It felt like it didn't even happen. "You know, it seems like they never stopped talking to each other. I mean, I know that they did, and I remember Phil being miserable the whole time, but since they made up it feels like they never even broke up in the first place." That was also true.

"I know. I was thinking the same thing," she replied. "I mean, I know we were apart for a long time but it seems like that was forever ago now even though it wasn't. I guess cause I've been all shiney, happy, people since I got back," she laughed. "Have you told your parents about me?"

"A bit," I cleared my throat. "I mean, I've never really had a formal conversation, telling them that you're my girlfriend, but I guess I didn't have to. The Phandom beat me to it," I laughed. "Which is good, I think. I dunno, it's different for guys, or me, at least to tell my parents about who I'm dating. My mom would make a deal out of it, and my dad would probably ask really uncomfortable questions, and then make even more uncomfortable comments," I told her.

Hey Daniel, you shaggin' that?

"Like what?" she leaned back so she could look up at me. I could tell from the grin on her face that she knew exactly what I meant. "Something like asking you if you've been in the throws with me or something?" she laughed. "In the throws. I love that. So funny."

"Exactly," I laughed rather loudly. "What? I think it's a nice way to put it. It's PG-13. I could say something like 'fucking the shit out of'," I told her, raising my brow so much that my forehead wrinkled. "Then my mom would want to know every little detail about you. Which would be fine, but, I dunno, I think it'd be better for her to meet you, and then she could ask you all of those things."

"I don't think parents know what to do with me," she laughed. "I normally just sort of get that shocked look because I'm crazy but then they realize they have no reason to dislike me even though I probably scare them. That's how it was with Leila's parents anyway." She grinned. "And fucking the shit out of is a way you can say it around me because that is pretty much what you do. Not literally though because that's fucking disgusting."

I made a face before laughing. "EWWWWW!" I shook my head. "That _is _disgusting, babe," I squeezed my eyes shut. "I think I'll stick to in the throws, so that never gets said again," I told her before lifting my lids. "Well, I think if you could get the Fausts to like you, you can get just about anyone to.. Which, no offense, is good for Phil at least," I laughed, thinking about his misfortune. "My parents have dealt with me for 21 years, so I think they'll love you, whenever they get to meet you."

"I hope so," she smiled. "If needed I can just lay on that southern belle charm of mine and hope it works." She leaned forward and kissed my lips. "It worked on one of you at least," she whispered before kissing me again. "Wanna go hit up the kitchen for some left overs?"

Just as she asked that, my stomach let out a very loud growl and I instantly started laughing. "Calm the fuck down, yeah?" I said, looking down at myself. I didn't need to answer her verbally. That fucking animalistic roar said it all for me.

Standing up from my bed, I ended up taking Cat with me because she was on my lap, so I let her feet touch the floor and followed behind her, out of my room and down the hall.

The first thing I noticed was that Phil was sitting on the couch by himself and of course, my mind went to the worst possible scenario. Susan Boyle got Leila.

I paused and stared at him then looked around, even looking over my shoulder and back down the hallway to see if maybe she was in one of the other rooms, but all of the lights were off.

"Where's Leila?" I asked, looking back towards him.

Oh God, I hope Cat and I didn't just jinx ourselves by saying how great it was that they were back together.  
"With McKenzie," he rolled his eyes. "She stopped by and asked Leila where some shop was and Leila offered to take her there."

Just as the words left his mouth, his phone beeped and he picked it up off of the couch. "Speaking of," he grinned as he stood up. "She's waiting for me back at her flat." He walked towards the door and looked back at us with that grin still on his face. "You guys can have this place tonight," he told us before winking and walking out.

Cat turned to look at me and started laughing. "And I thought we were a horny couple."

"They've got us beat by a long shot, apparently," I laughed as I made my way into the kitchen. I really wanted to make a smartass remark about Leila hanging out with McKenzie, but opted against it. I didn't want to start another fight.

I bent down a bit and wrapped my arms Cat and popped a kiss against her lips. "At least we won't have to worry about being quiet tonight," I purred against them, sliding my hands down to her ass. "I know how-"

_Knock. Knock. Knock. _

"Bloody hell," I groaned. "Phil, it's called a bloody key!" I yelled towards the door, then suddenly remembered that he hadn't locked it when he'd left.

"Do you care to get that?" I asked Catherine. I already knew who it was and I really wasn't in the mood to even look at her. "I'll get our food ready in the meantime."

"Sure, baby," she replied, obviously oblivious to who it could be. She walked over and opened the door. "Oh. Hey McKenzie."

I'm a bloody genius.

**Cat's POV**

"You're kinda freakin' me out, McKenzie," I said as I walked into her apartment behind her. She'd just come to Dan and Phil's looking like she was about to have a fucking anxiety attack or something. She insisted I come to her apartment to speak with her about something. In the back of my mind I was thinking "This is some Lifetime movie bullshit. She is going to kill your ass." but I ignored it.

She just looked up at me with a worried, yet sympathetic expression on her face. "You should probably sit down," she told me as she sat her keys on the table next to her couch. "I'll get you something to drink," she nodded then walked into her kitchen.

Oh God. She's going to poison me.

I stared at her for a second before doing what she asked and sitting down. I had a death grip on my cell phone just in case I needed back up or something. "Uh, McKenzie, I'm not really thirsty. I mean, not meaning to be rude or whatever but I wanted to spend some alone time with Dan tonight and he's waiting for me so can you tell me what's up?"

She was making her way back towards me when I said the latter part of that, two bottles of water in her hands. "Well, I think you should know what I have to tell you before you go and do that," she nodded, handing me one of the bottles before sitting down a cushion away from me.

The lid didn't look like it had been tampered with, but I've watched enough fucked up Lifetime movies to know better than to drink it anyways.

"Because what I have to tell you is about Dan," she added.

My heart fell out of my asshole.  
I didn't immediately think he'd done something with her. I knew better and I knew Dan. I trusted him with every bit of my being.  
But something told me that whatever she was about to tell me was going to be bad and my mind just kept lingering on what everyone said earlier that night.

"Okay," I said slowly. "What about Dan?"

McKenzie took in a deep breath and let it out with a sigh. "I don't know how to tell you this... Okay, so you know that morning that you and Phil left Leila and Dan alone together, asleep on the floor, or whatever?" she asked.

How the fuck did she know about that?  
Oh, yeah. Phil told her and she had issues with it. Was she about to interrogate me on the situation now?

"Yes, what about it?" I asked.

She frowned. "Well... Leila kind of told me something about it, and I know that she didn't tell you, because.. I think if you knew," she shook her head. "Well, I think you would do what any girl would do," she shrugged, being entirely too fucking cryptic considering what she was supposed to be telling me.

Okay. What the actual fuck?  
While I do have a vagina and uterus and all that, I severely lack in the acting like a girl department most of the time so me trying to read her at this point was not working at all she was beating around the bush which was annoying.

"What?" I asked, rubbing my temple with my fingertips. "What would Leila tell you about Dan that I don't already know?"

She sighed again and looked down at her feet before looking back up at me. "Something that might ruin your relationship with him? And your friendship with her?" she suggested with a shrug. "I- I just, I don't know how to say this, so I'm just going to say it, because I think you deserve to know. I mean, I would want to know," she nodded. "Leila told me that she hooked up with Dan that morning, while you and Phil were gone."

I don't know how long I stared at her but it had to have been a while because she was started to squirm uncomfortably. I just kept replaying the words in my head over and over and over until finally I just cracked up laughing.

I mean like bent over, echoing through her apartment laughter.

"Dude, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard," I said as I straightened back up and wiped the tears out of the corner of my eyes. "I know Leila loves to troll me and everything but putting you up to that was kind of lame on her part. I think Phil is making her soft," I said as I stood up. "I've really gotta go though."

McKenzie jumped to her feet and moved in front of me. "Cat, I'm not joking," she shook her head. "Leila didn't tell me to tell you that... I'm pretty sure it was the opposite, actually."

I was just pissed off at this point. It seemed to me that this dumbass had just proved everyone right. Her mistake was thinking that I would ever believe a lie so insane about someone who was like a sister to me.

"Okay, look," I said as I stood up. "I really don't know what's wrong with you. Maybe you like drama. Maybe you want my boyfriend. Maybe you need some medication. Maybe it's all of the above. But I know for a fact that you are full of shit and this conversation is over." I began walking towards her door so furious I could hear my pulse ringing in my ears. I was squeezing my cell phone so hard I'm shocked I didn't crack the screen.

"I have proof!" McKenzie exclaimed. I could hear her walking up behind me. "I recorded her saying it... She said it more than once. 'I love to fuck around with Dan, but don't tell Cat, she'll get upset', those were her exact words. She said other things too, but that's the only thing I had time to actually catch. She said they woke up cuddling that morning. I know she's your best friend and it's hard to believe, but I'm not lying to you."

I took a deep, deep breath and counted to 10 in my head before turning around to look at her. "Well, don't just stand there. Give me the proof and I suggest you do it fast because you're 2 seconds from having a very close encounter with my fist."

Her eyes got big and she slowly stepped away from me and walked over to the couch to where her phone was sitting. She grabbed it and messed with it for a second before Leila's voice started echoing inside of her apartment.

"Oh yeah, we mess around a lot. I love fucking around with Dan. But don't tell Cat that," Leila laughed. "I'm sure she'll get upset over it."

…...  
I froze. I honestly can't tell you what I was feeling. It was a mix between terror and nausea. I realized I'd just been standing there for at least a minute without saying anything. I probably wasn't even blinking.

I still didn't speak when I turned around and made my way towards her door. I jerked it open and slammed it shut behind me after stepping into the hallway. I pulled my key out of my back pocket as I ran to our door. My hand was shaking so badly it took a while for me to even get the key into the hole.

I finally made it inside to see Leila and Phil on the couch. Leila was topless and was straddling Phil's lap. They were both looking at me like I was insane. I was breathing hard and just standing there gripping my cell phone in one hand and my key in the other.

I felt like I couldn't gather my thoughts to make my mouth move but somehow I managed to.

"I'm not accusing you because I love you and I know you and I know that this is just not true," I began as I walked slowly into the living room. They were still staring at me like I was nuts. "But please tell me how McKenzie has a recording of you saying that you mess around with Dan and for her not to tell me about it. Also, I may or may not vomit in a few seconds."

"What?!" Leila shrieked, her body jerking so quickly that she fell backwards off of Phil's lap and landed on the floor. "What the fuck? How- What?!" She looked up at me, her face even more screwed up than it had been while I had been speaking. She pushed herself up off of the floor and immediately started looking around for her shirt. I'm guessing she gave up hope on finding it, because after a few seconds she looked back at me. "Okay, you're going to have to say that again in a way that actually makes sense," she told me, laughing. "Because what you just said, makes no fucking sense whatsoever."

I noticed Phil standing up slowly from the couch. "I'm...going to go get Dan," he told us but neither of us paid attention.

I took a deep breath and walked over to sit down on the couch before leaning forward and holding my head in my hands because it felt like it was going to explode. Apparently McKenzie is a wonderful trigger for migraines.

"McKenzie has a recording saying that you like to fuck around with Dan and that she can't tell me because I'll get upset," I said before raising my head to look at her again. "She came by the apartment and got me to come over there so she could tell me. She said she had something important to talk to me about and looked all nervous and shit. I wanted and still do want to punch her in the face. I know in my heart of hearts that you would NEVER do that to me. But I need to know what the hell is going on with that recording and what you said on it."

"Okay," Leila laughed, raising her hand up. "So let me process this... This bitch has a recording of me, saying that I like to fuck around with Dan? Um, first of all, if that were true, why in the FUCK, would I tell her that?" She asked, though I think she was talking to herself. She shook her head and sighed. "Okay.. Oh my God." She started laughing again, her hand slapping against her forehead. "That fucking peasant! I can't believe her. She fucking recorded our conversation!" Leila looked over at me again. "I did say that, now that I think of it, but she took it way out of context, Cat. Oh my fuck. What all did she let you hear?" She sounded just as a.d.d as me - which would have been fine had this not been such a serious conversation.

"That's all I heard," I told her. "It was just a recording of you saying you like to fuck around with Dan and for her not to tell me because I might get mad." Just saying the words made me want to puke and I was starting to feel like an idiot for even questioning it but I had to talk to her about it.

"Okay, I can get why that would be weird," she nodded. "So we were talking about Dan, as per fucking usual, and she asked how I got along with him, and I told her that we get along really good and that we screw with each other, you know, in the joking-har-har, Dan calls me Pholedmort kind of way. I told her that I love fucking with him, and that she shouldn't tell you because you would get upset, because you weren't involved in it...Like, mad because you couldn't troll him too, not mad because I sat on his fucking face!" Leila laughed again, and I could tell it was her famous inappropriate laughter. "Ugh! That common cunt!" she groaned, balling her fists up.

When she explained it like that it made so much sense. I leaned back on the couch and closed my eyes as I slid my hands into the sides of my hair and grabbed my head. "I cannot believe this little girl had the nerve to not only take something way out of context in order to destroy a friendship and a relationship but she recorded your conversation to do it." I opened my eyes and looked at Leila. "This bitch is crazy!"

The front door opened again and Dan and Phil walked inside of the apartment. "What the fuck just happened?" Dan blurted out, rushing into the living room, Phil following behind him with his arms folded. "Phil told me that you heard Leila saying we fuck around? What? I'm sorry, I need this explained to me now."

"We got it sorted out," Leila told him, grabbing a cushion so she could attempt to hide all of her exposed flesh. "That crazy bitch," she pointed at the wall, "Recorded me telling her that we, as in me and you, like to screw with each other, you know, how you call me Pholdemort and I call you mentally deficient? Yeah, she took it out of context and told Cat that we like to literally fuck around with each other," she explained.

I looked up at Dan and I swear I have never, ever seen him look that angry. Even when he thought I was a psycho stalker following him to his apartment.

I held my hand up defensively. "I didn't believe it. I just had to come here and figure out how the fuck she got a recording of Leila saying that. If I believed it I would've gone straight to you and told you to go fuck a cow or something," I explained quickly, not wanting him to be double pissed because he thought I'd believe something so insane.

"You have got to be kidding me right now!" Phil threw his arms up in the air. "I knew that girl was nuts. I knew it."

"Please, babe, don't give us the I-told-you-so's," Leila sighed.

Dan was obviously too pissed off to mock her.

"Why would she even do that?" Dan blurted out. "I mean, I'm guessing she thought you would actually believe it, but - why was she even recording you?" He glanced over at Leila then looked back at me. "I really don't even have words right now," he threw his hands up. "I fucking-" he scrunched his face up and started pacing around the living room.

I stood up and walked over to him but I didn't want to touch him and piss him off more. "Baby, just take a deep breath. Calm down," I told him, trying to speak softly. "Fuck. This is some Lifetime movie bullshit forreal," I said as I ran my fingers through my hair. "I don't get it. Like, is she just doing this for shits and giggles because she's some psycho bitch with a high schooler mentality or-" I trailed off and looked at Dan.

Deep down I knew exactly what she wanted. She wanted him and I couldn't blame her.

"She just wants you," I told him. "And apparently she wants you _bad_."

Phil had walked over to Leila and was holding her hand to calm her down I'm sure. "If you put all the pieces together then yeah, it's pretty obvious that she wants Dan but it was really low to pull Leila into it."

"It was really fucking stupid too," I replied, rolling my eyes.

"I know that you didn't believe it, either of you," Leila said, looking from me to Phil, "But if that stupid bitch would have screwed up my relationship with either of you, crazy California Leila would have come right the fuck out. I know I shouldn't even mention that, but my FUCK, it infuriates me!"

"Me too," I sighed. "When she first told me she didn't tell me she had her proof or whatever. She just said that you told her you fucked Dan the morning after our sleep over. Or she said hooked up. I don't know what that means on her terms but it means fucked in Catherine terms. Anyway, I literally laughed in her face. I thought you had plotted with her to troll me. Then she said she was serious and I think I threatened to punch her in the face. It's all blurry now."

I looked over at Dan and he was really freaking me out. He looked like he was fucking possessed or some shit.

"Dan?" I said his name while stepping closer to him like he might bite me or something.

He looked down at me, shaking his head. "I'm sorry, I'm just really, really pissed off. I can't stand people who go around starting drama in general, but this? This is a different level of fucked up. She could have screwed up our relationship, your friendship with Leila and my friendship with Phil with that little fucking stunt she pulled," he explained.

"I know, baby," I grabbed his hand before just deciding to say fuck it and wrapped my arms around his midsection before pulling myself against him. "I'm really fucking sorry for not listening to you earlier. I was being a total waffly twat."

"You were just trying to be a nice person, Cat," Phil told me.

Dan wrapped his arms back around me and sighed. "Phil's right. You were just trying to see the good in her, and there isn't anything wrong with that," he assured me.

I pulled back to look up at him. "Yeah but please remember to inform me of this incident if I ever act like a stubborn ass about someone you don't like again," I rolled my eyes at myself and pressed my forehead against his chest. "What the fuck we do now?"

Dan shrugged. "I don't think there's much we can do now, but avoid her. I don't even want you to confront her about it because I know how angry you get sometimes. I don't want another jail incident."

I looked up at him and laughed. "But I want to see what jails are like here!"

"Oh God," I heard Phil laugh.

"Dude, you'll end up on a fucked up episode of locked up abroad," Leila said seriously. "You don't have a green card, or whatever color card it is here that say's you're legal yet."

"Shit. I don't," I sighed. "Hey, Dan. Wanna marry me so I can not get kicked out of England?" I asked, jokingly of course.

Dan cracked a smile for the first time since before McKenzie had 'Cat-napped' me. "If that's what it takes to keep you around," he shrugged. "But I think we should just try to avoid you getting locked up, yeah?"  
"Cat Howell," I laughed. "Cat Howl. God, that's priceless."

"That's one of the coolest names ever," Phil commented. "Not as cool as Phil Striker but it's cool."

"Leila Lester," I turned around to look at them and laughed. "Lele Les!"

"I think Leila Lester sounds cute," Leila smiled and glanced over at Phil.

"If I were you Phil, I'd become Phil Faust," Dan commented. "If your offspring had your last name they'd get teased nonstop."

"Whatever," Phil rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to Leila. "They'll be too pretty like their Mom to get made fun of."

"Oh God. Phil is like the sweetest guy ever," I blurted out without thinking about the fact that I was standing there with my own boyfriend.

"Wow," Dan laughed, looking down at me. "I love you too, babe."

"That wasn't a compliment, Dan," Leila teased. "And we all know it's true. Phil's the nicest guy on the planet."

"Dan, I can't even imagine you doing or saying some of the stuff Phil does," I said as I walked over to the couch, pulling him along with me. "And I'm not saying that's a bad thing. You and Phil are two totally different people. Phil and Leila would be a lot more likely to do like sickeningly sweet cute stuff than we would be. I don't really know what we'd be likely to do," I laughed. "But it works for us the way it is, right?"

Dan sat down next to me and tilted his head as he listened to me speak. "Yeah, you've got a point," he nodded. "We're the couple who insults each other, not in a malicious way, but you know, just for S's and G's," he laughed, using something that I said all the time. "We aren't programmed to be _that _disgusting couple."

"We're not disgusting," Leila furrowed her brow, but the looks from me and Dan made her start laughing. "Okay, fine we are," she rolled her eyes. "Oh! Are we having another sleep over?!" she asked excitedly.

"What?!" Phil shrieked in a way that made me crack up laughing. "I want to have sex!"

"Oh to have a camera on you just then," I sighed. Oh shit. I was turning into Dan.

"My thoughts exactly," Dan laughed. "Why don't you ever say shit like that when I'm filming?" he shook his head.

"So do I," Leila interrupted, leaning over to look at Phil then glance back at us. "Do you care to excuse us while we go shower?"

"Of course they do!" Phil said as he stood up and pulled Leila off the couch so quickly she stumbled trying to walk behind him.

I turned and looked at Dan right when he looked at me and we both got up from the couch at the same time and ran to the door before we could hear any noises.

As soon as we walked in our apartment and I found myself being pressed against the door and having my clothes ripped off of me, I figured that the sleep over wasn't going to happen.

I was walking as fast as I could in the stupid boots I bought that had too high of a heel into the building where the photoshoot I was doing that morning was being done. I didn't know who I was shooting or what kind of shoot it would be but I did know I wasn't late.

I walked through the door to see the usual team running around the area they had set up. It was simple. A black back drop and a white back drop.

"Hey Cat!" My assistant waved at me from across the room and I waved back as I made my way to her. "Everything is ready. We just have to wait for Rob to get out of hair and make-up. They want like close ups of his face. They're going to be black and white photos."

"Rob?" I asked while sliding my jacket off and she nodded as she took it from me. "Rob who?"

"Rob-" my assistant was cut off as she handed me a cup of Starbucks coffee.

"Pattinson," a deep voice said very, very close to my ear from behind me.

I nearly dropped the coffee that was in my hand and my entire body froze. My assistant was looking at me like I was a doofus. She didn't realize that I was having an internal fangirl moment that needed to be completely processed before I turned around to look at him.

Okay. I'm good.  
I took a deep breath and turned around with a smile on my face. Damn. He was tall. I smiled up at him and extended my hand. "Nice to meet you, Rob. I'm Cat Radley."

Damn. I am good at sounding calm when I'm trippin' balls.

I managed to take the dudes photos without having super shaky hands and dropping the fucking camera. To my shock, he wanted to exchange phone numbers before we left. Everything went by really fast. I only took a few photos of him. Apparently it was just for a short interview about Cosmopolis.

After that, I was hurrying my ass back to the apartment. Leila wasn't answering her phone and I knew she was at home because she was off work. Phil was hanging out with PJ so I didn't even bother calling him and Dan would've laughed at me because I hadn't even told him about my fangirlness over Rpattz.

Shut up. Stop judging me. I know you are. Stop it.

I don't know how the hell I did it but I navigated my way back home by walking and not having to take the tube and it was way faster than if I would have gone on the tube.

I was bouncing around in the elevator like a 15 year old who just got tickets to see the Biebz. When the doors opened I ran down the hall and quickly unlocked the door.

Everything in the living room was on. The tv. Leila's laptop.

Dan's laptop.

Why was Dan's laptop there? He wasn't there when I left.

I laid my key and purse down and walked towards the hall. I stopped in my tracks when I heard a weird noise.

What the hell was that? It sounded like a-  
"Dan!" I heard Leila's voice echo through her room and I swear it felt like my blood just ran cold. It was not a mad or silly scream.

It was a 'please thrust harder, thanks' scream.

I stepped forward and my heart was screaming for me not to do it but my head made me turn the doorknob.

I pushed open the door and was met with my best friend's naked ass and she was on top of another naked person who just so happened to be my boyfriend.

"What. The. Fuck." I said as I gripped the doorknob and just stared at the sight in front of me. So many thoughts ran through my head and so many feelings hit me. I wanted to cry, scream, and puke all at the same time. Along with beat the shit out of something.

Somebody was about to get punched.

Leila gasped loudly when she noticed me and quickly jumped off of Dan. "Cat!"


	22. Tit Punch

**Leila's POV: **

"Cat. Psssst," I whispered, leaning down over Catherine.

Nothing.

"CAT!" I shrieked.

She mumbled something I couldn't understand other than the word 'fuck' and her face was all scrunched up like she was either super pissed or in pain.

Her eyes shot open, which was fucking freaky looking, and she focused on my face. She still looked really, really pissed off.

She sat up super fast, nearly knocking me backwards and before I could say anything she punched me.

She PUNCHED ME.

She punched me right in the boob!

"What the fuck!" I shrieked, cupping my tit as I looked up at her, now on the floor from where I'd fallen backwards off of Dan's bed. "What was that for?! I'm probably gonna have a huge fucking bruise now, knuckles!"

"Oh my God. What is wrong with me?" she was sitting up on her knees in the middle of the bed with her hands in her crazy bed hair. "Shit. I'm so fucking sorry, Lele. Are you okay?" she scrambled to get off the bed and nearly busted her ass trying to get to me.

As a reflex from someone who had just gotten punched in the chest, I backed away from her, but I didn't go far.

Fucking wall.

I'm sure there were tears in my eyes. MY FUCK, that hurt!

"What-" I looked up at her with big eyes. "Why did you do that?!" I asked, my voice still loud, my hand still holding my tender boob.

She moved her legs out from under herself so that her butt hit the floor and she just looked down at her legs for a second before looking up at me. It wasn't well known but Cat had a puppy dog face that blew Dan and Phil's out of the water. Her giant eyeballs were a weapon. But I knew her and I knew she wasn't trying to look at me like that. It was genuine.

Her chin was quivering and her eyes started welling up with tears. "I'm all fucked up or something," she blurted out, shaking her head. "I was having this dream and- and I got to meet Robert Pattinson and he was really hot and then I was all like 'Oh my God! I gotta tell Lele'," she flailed her arms in the air, tears streaming down her cheeks at this point. "And I got home," she took a deep breath. "And you and Dan were like-" she just gestured towards the bed. "You were fucking him and it was so realistic and when I woke up I didn't think I was dreaming so I just reacted. I think I've gone crazy."

"Oh, honey..." I had to move my hand from my chest to put it over my mouth so I wouldn't laugh at her. It really wasn't funny. Okay it was, but it really wasn't, you know? I scooted closer to her and reached out to hug her. "You're not crazy," I shook my head and my chest started to shake, because I was actively keeping myself from laughing.

Bad move on my part. It made my boob hurt even more. "That dumb bitch just got into your head, that's all," I told her, pulling away so that I could see her face. Saying that, and then seeing her crying made it much easier not to laugh at her. Because what McKenzie had done wasn't the least bit funny, and knowing that it had bothered Cat so much that she had a fucked up dream about Dan and I in the throws made it that much worse.

"I know," she nodded, sniffling loudly. "I feel so stupid," she rolled her eyes. "I'm so sorry," she told me which made her start to cry harder. "I can't believe I actually punched you. I'm like the worst friend ever and why am I crying?" she yelled the last part. "I look like a fucking pmsing teenager or some shit," she said as she wiped her cheeks.

The door opened and I looked over to see Phil walking in with a very confused look on his face along with a cup of coffee. Even in that moment I had to appreciate how cute he looked with his hair all over the place and wearing his glasses.

"What happened?" he got a really worried look on his face when he noticed Cat was crying and we were both sitting on the floor like weirdos.

I decided to leave Robert Pattinson out of my explanation, because if I started to tell him about that part of her dream, I knew I would start laughing again and look like the world's worst friend. "Cat had a bad dream that I woke her up from and she punched me in the boob," I told him, then looked down at my chest to see a big red imprint of her knuckles.

To be so small, she had big, strong hands and an insane left hook.

Fuck.

I'm glad she got my tit and not my face.

"What the hell?" he walked over to me and knelt down in front of me before leaning down to inspect my boob. "Are you alright, sweetheart?" He smirked as he looked up at my face. "Want me to kiss it better?"

Okay, I am the world's worst friend.

Because I did my best pouty face, nodding, while my best friend may or may not have been having some sort of breakdown right beside me. "Please?"

Shut up. You would want him to kiss it better too.

He grinned at me as he leaned down and then pressed his lip over the red spots that Cat had left. He was not skipping around either. It was obvious he intended to kiss ALL of the red mark.

"I am still sitting here, Phil!" Cat laughed as she attempted to get up off of the floor without showing her ass since she was only wearing Dan's shirt.

"Oh, you love it," he laughed before moving to kiss my lips and then standing up. "Are you alright?" he turned to look at her and she nodded and smiled but I knew she was full of shit.

"Where's Daniel?" she asked as she wiped her cheeks again.  
"He's in the shower," I told her as I pushed myself up off of the floor. "He just got in if you want to go join him," I winked, trying to lighten the mood. Though I'm not sure if right then was a good time to be talking about her boyfriend being naked.

She laughed a bit and shook her head. "Nah. I'll just go make us some waffles. I know someone who was probably planning on asking for them."

"She knows me so well already," Phil said as he wrapped his arm around my side and kissed the top of my head. "You don't have to if you don't feel like it, Cat."

"No. I'm alright," she said as she walked out of the room.

"What the actual fuck was that about?" Phil whispered, turning to face me. "Are you really alright?"

I sighed and glanced over at the door, making sure Cat wasn't in earshot. "I'm fine. I've been bruised before, not on the tit, but," I shrugged. "She had a dream that Dan and I..." I just pointed towards the bed like she had. It was too twisted to say out loud. "And she said it was realistic, and as soon as she saw me when she woke up, she didn't realize it was only a dream, so she punched me," I explained, keeping my voice down.

His eyes got wide and he turned to glance at the door before looking back at me. "Okay, I'd probably punch Dan too if that happened. Hell, I'd probably punch him after I found out I was dreaming." He did this thing where he shook his body around while holding his coffee mug up so he didn't spill it. "The thought makes me all EW."

I couldn't help but to laugh, and again, it made my boob ache. "Ah," I grimaced as I cupped it again, looking like some creepy person who likes to feel herself up. "I know what you mean," I shook my head, making a disgusted face. "It makes me want to vomit... But I'm just glad she didn't whack me in the face. I would have a broken nose, or a black eye, or maybe even both," I laughed again, even though it wasn't very funny. It was actually kind of terrifying.

"Well, I'm glad she didn't break anything but I do feel sorry for your boob," he said before leaning down and kissing it again. He was about to find himself attacked if he didn't stop doing that. "Poor punched boob," he said as he place soft kisses over the red area.

I was very close to pushing him down onto the bed - until I realized that it was Dan's bed, because we were still in Dan's room -

"Uh, hello?" Dan said as he walked in. I looked up to see that he had a towel draped around his hips. "The fuck are you doing in my room, and further, the fuck are you doing _that _in my room?" he asked, taking a step toward us. Phil looked up at him and Dan tilted his head. "Phil, didn't your mum ever tell you not to punch your girlfriend's tits?" he remarked, pointing in my general direction.

He rolled his eyes at him. "Yes, my mother sat me down and taught me all about the pros and cons of boob punching," he replied before taking a sip of his coffee. "Actually, your girlfriend punched my girlfriend in the boob after waking up from a dream about you fucking Leila."

Dan's face screwed up. "Da fuq?" he blurted out. "I don't even know how to feel about that..." And it was quite obvious too. He looked more mind boggled than I'd ever seen him look before.

"I felt disgusted," I offered, obviously just teasing him. Because that's the _only _kind of 'fucking' I had intentions of ever engaging in with Dan. He rolled his eyes at me. "Seriously though, she was upset about it, so you should be extra nice today," I nodded.

"Yeah, she was actually crying," Phil told him. "I didn't know what the hell was going on when I came in here. We should probably make sure she's alright or something. I think McKenzie fucked her up."

"Crying?" he repeated, sounding like he didn't believe it. It was a hard thing to believe. Cat didn't show negative emotions very often.

"I know she did," I looked between them. "And Phil's right. We should go join her and be ridiculous. Maybe we can cheer her up."

I didn't really wait around for Dan and Phil to say anything else, I just walked out of Dan's bedroom and down the hallway, into the kitchen, where I saw Cat whisking batter together.

"Hey pretty," I called out as I stepped up behind her. "Need any help with anything?"

She jumped like she didn't realize I had walked in and she turned around to look at me. Her eyes were all swollen and bloodshot but at least she wasn't crying anymore. "You could start on the bacon if you want but you don't have to. I can handle it," she smiled at me before turning around to pour some of the batter on the waffle maker.

"Of course," I smiled, feeling more awkward around her than I had ever felt before. I grabbed a pan and heated the burner up before I laid a few pieces of bacon across it, a really funny thought making me laugh out loud. "Dude, I just got the funniest mental image," I snorted, shaking my head. "I can see Phil running around the flat like that dog on that treat commercial going, 'BACON, BACON, BACON, I SMELL BAAAACCCOOOOONNN!" I laughed, bouncing up and down in the same place like an excited child, or Phil, smelling the bacon cooking.

She was taking a sip of her coffee and she quickly covered her mouth with her hand to keep herself from spitting it everywhere. She managed to swallow it and then busted out laughing. "Oh God. I can't even with you right now," she spoke through her giggle fit. "I can see him doing that so clearly."

SCORE. She Lol'd.

"You can see who doing what so clearly?" Dan chimed in as he walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her before placing a kiss on the top of her head. I'm guessing he thought she was talking about him.

Cat looked a bit shocked like he'd startled her. "Oh, she was talking about Phil freaking out about the smell of bacon," she laughed but something just seemed off about her. I felt like I needed to tell her to go back to sleep and like redo waking up.

"Bacon!" Phil's voice echoed down the hall as he started walking towards the kitchen.

Obviously Dan knew Cat just as well as I did and he could tell that something wasn't quite right about how she was acting, because of the way he was looking at her, and then the shifty eyed glance he shot me.

I wasn't sure what to do. I mean, I knew Cat, and I knew that she was a lot like me in the sense that she didn't like negative attention - and being all weird and sympathetic towards her was negative, but I also knew that if she didn't get whatever was bothering her out of her system, it was going to get worse.

"Okay," I blurted out, sitting the fork down on the stove with more force than necessary. I turned to face Catherine and she just looked up at me with a slightly confused expression. "Look, you punched me in the tit, and yeah it hurt like a motherfucker, but Phil put his mouth all over it - it's not that bad, alright? So you need to snap the hell out of it. McKenzie is a fucking boobclamp and all of us know it," I said sternly, putting my hand on my hip.

I know you want to be my best friend.

She just stared at me for a second like I had lost my mind before she started laughing. She brought both of her hands up and grabbed the sides of her hair liked she always did when she was stressed out. "I'm sorry! I just feel like a total psycho for doing that," she sighed and rolled her eyes. "I can't believe that little cuntwagon has gotten to me so bad. I'll snap out of it. I'm sorry."

"Did you say boobclamp?" Phil asked. Of course he only grasped that word out of everything that was said.

"Yes, babe, I did," I said to Phil then looked back at Cat. "Don't be sorry.. Well, okay, you can be sorry if you want, but don't think that you're a psycho. Shit like that can really screw with your head," I nodded, then leaned down to hug her. "I'm not mad at you. I wasn't even mad when you did it." I squeezed her. "I love you, even if you did bruise my tit," I laughed, pulling away from her.

Dan just kind of looked between us, obviously mindfucked on how that just happened. "I need some coffee," he shook his head, then moved around Cat to the coffee pot.

She hugged me back but not too tightly. I guess she didn't want to do anymore boob damage. "I love you too and if your tit becomes deformed I'll pay to fix it," she said as she pulled back and smiled up at me.

"I'm hungryyyy," Phil whined while pretending he was about to collapse by the kitchen table. "Dyiiiing."

I tilted my head and smiled at him. "I've got something you can eat," I offered.

"Oh God," Dan laughed as he walked into the dining room to sit down with his mug of coffee.

"Leila Faust!" Cat scolded me jokingly. "You saucy little thing. I think Phil's penis has kidnapped any sort of innocence that was left in that genius mind of yours."

"She did not have innocence in that genius mind of hers," Phil laughed. "We read that fan fiction. Remember?"

Oh my glob. Up until that moment, I had forgotten all about owning up to the fact that Cat and I had written that minxy fanfiction.

"Writing about it and acting on it are two different things, Phil," I laughed. I'm not sure if that was a valid argument or not. But truth be told, I'd never been so open about sexual things before.

Maybe Phil had kidnapped my innocence.

Or at least my ability to keep my inappropriate comments to myself.

"But if you want to go act some of it out..." I shrugged.

What has gotten into me?  
Oh, that's right.  
Phil's penis.  
Phil's fingers.  
Phil's mouth.

Phil just stared at me with his mouth hanging open. "Uh, yeah I do. Can I have breakfast first?"

I could hear Cat facepalm herself.

"You two are going to end up with a litter of children," Dan laughed. "Baby, they're like the band kids at school. They both seem all innocent. Phil with his animal noises, and Leila writing books, but they're like insanely sexual."

Cat turned around with the plate of waffles she'd just placed the last one on. "Don't act all innocent," she laughed as she walked over to the table. "Mr. I know we've had sex twice but I'm still really hard." She sat the plate down on the table and leaned down to kiss his lips before winking at him and making her way back to the kitchen.

"Too much informatiooon," Phil sang as he started piling his plate with waffles.

"Oh don't be a hypocrite, Phil," I could see Dan rolling his eyes at him as I stacked the bacon onto a plate. "Your girlfriend just made saucy comments in front of me and you don't hear me whining about it," he laughed.

"At least we pace ourselves," I shrugged as I walked towards the table, taking a seat across from Phil. "We go at it multiple times a day but it's never back to back."

Cat walked over with napkins and placed them all in front of Phil before sitting next to Dan. "We go at it multiple times a day and it's also almost always back to back. I'm surprised I don't walk around here looking like I have a corncob stuck in my vagina."

"What the hell, Cat?" Phil laughed, shaking his head. "It's not our faults that we happen to have irresistable girlfriends and I don't even want to talk about how long it had been since we had sex when you two came around."

"Oh, interesting," Cat grinned. "I kind of do want to talk about that. Don't you, Lele?"

"Actually," I glanced from Phil to Cat, "I do." Nodding, I took a sip of coffee then sat the cup back down on the table.

Phil glanced at Dan and then shoved a massive bite of waffles in his mouth. Dan didn't say anything, he just took a sip of his coffee.

"Well, Leila and I had been sexless for what? Like 2 ½ years? Long enough for our vaginas to like revirginize, I think," Cat said before taking a sip of her coffee and sighing. "So we just had sex with each other."

Phil then proceeded to get choked on his bite of waffle.

Dan started laughing, but his smile faded, because neither Cat or I laughed with him.

Cat looked over at me and then back at Dan. "Why are you laughing?"

"You're joking, right?" Dan finally asked, clearing his throat. "I mean, you guys make jokes, and kiss each other on the lips, and dry hump at random, but you haven't actually had sex... with each other.. have you?"

I just looked over at Phil and licked my lips before taking another sip of coffee and poking my fork at my waffle, keeping my eyes on him in the process. "You look surprised," I finally said before popping a bite into my mouth.

"Yeah," Cat added as she picked up a piece of bacon. "I mean, I thought it was obvious," she laughed and shrugged her shoulders. "Why do you think you find us in the same bed sometimes?"

Now Dan was getting choked on his coffee. After wiping it off of his chin, he cleared his throat. "So.. you two," he pointed his fork at Cat and then at me, "While you were with us?" he asked, turning the fork around and pointing it at himself, then at Phil. "Isn't that.. cheating?"

Again, I kept my gaze on Phil. I guess I was waiting for his eyes to bulge out of his head or something, because he still hadn't made a peep. He was just staring at me. "I don't know..." I tilted my head. "Is that cheating, Phil?"

He stared at me with a look of shock on his face that I had never seen before. "Uh, yeah. It is," he said as he laid his fork down on his plate. "Just because you're both girls doesn't make it alright. That's still sex. I'm sure you don't want me sucking Dan's cock or something."

Cat was raising her coffee to her lips and I saw that she was seconds from losing it and laughing but she was holding her own very well. She took a sip and then cleared her throat before looking at them again. "Well, we thought you two wouldn't mind," she shrugged. "I mean, we figured you would think it's hot and maybe want to ya know, join in one day or something."

"Is it still cheating if we involve you two?" I had to ask, even though I might have been treading on thin ice with this one.

Dan's jaw was hanging open, making him look like a mouth breather as he gawked at Catherine. I don't think he could even produce words because of the thoughts that were probably clouding his mind.

"What's wrong, baby?" Cat asked, doing very well and making this all seem like it was something normal to discuss at the table.

"What's wrong?" Phil asked, looking at her like she was nuts. "You two are telling us that you're having an affair or something. I don't know whether to be horribly offended or incredibly turned on. It's very confusing!"

"What he said," Dan finally spoke again, his eyes still wide and dead set on Cat. "And why are we just now finding out about this?" he added, sounding dumbfounded and oblivious.

"You guys never asked," I spoke up, looking away from Phil and over to Dan. "And it doesn't look like you two are too happy to hear about it," I shrugged, then glanced at Cat.

Cat grinned at me and then looked over at Phil before leaning on the table a bit to get closer to him. "Leila's pussy tastes like heaven, doesn't it?" she asked, whispering it in the most sexual sounding voice possible.

His eyes got really wide and he just leaned back in his chair like he was trying to get away from her. He turned his head and looked over at Dan.

"I never thought I'd enjoy hearing what Leila's pussy tastes like before..." Dan blurted out, looking at the side of Cat's face like he was in a trance.

"Mmm, want me to tell you how much I love tasting Cat's?" I asked.  
All of the sudden Phil pushed back his chair and stood up. He looked pretty fucking mad. "This is bullshit," he shook his head and began walking towards the hallway.

Cat turned to look at me with her mouth hanging open and a look of OH FUCK in her eyes.

Did he really just -

Is he _mad _right now?

I could feel Cat's eyes on me as I slowly turned to look at her. "Should I, uhh.." I pointed my thumb towards the hallway where Phil had disappeared to.

This hadn't gone as expected.

"Yeah!" she told me like it was obvious that I should go. "I think he's actually mad."

I blew out a breath and noticed that Dan was still staring at Cat like Phil hadn't just gotten pissed off as I stood up from my chair.

Then again, would I have been amused had the tables been turned, and Phil was telling me that he liked deepthroating Dan's weiner and then mentioning how his cum tasted?

I didn't say anything else, I just walked down the hallway until I came to Phil's door, which was closed. I knocked, but didn't wait for a response before opening it and letting myself in. "Babe.." I said as I shut the door behind me. Phil was sitting on his bed, and, oh yeah, he was not happy; he didn't even look up at me.

I walked over and sat down next to him, unsure of what to even say because I didn't want him to get more angry with me. "Baby?" I leaned over, trying to force myself into his line of vision.

"I'm editing, sweetheart," he sighed, sounding like a sad little boy that would make you cry if he were in a movie. Oh, hello large amounts of guilt.

I sighed very quietly, keeping my eyes on him. "Can I talk to you for a second?" I asked. I was already to the point of begging. Whenever we argued, which was hardly ever; actually, we'd only had one real _fight _and that was over the photographs he saw of Ben and I a while ago.. He had this way about him and the ability to make me feel terrible without even trying. He was obviously upset, but was still trying to be polite.

He sighed loudly like he was agitated as he sat his laptop on the ground and turned to face me. He looked so sad and confused. I felt like a huge asshole. We were just being silly and-

All of the sudden he lunged at me and I found myself pinned down on the bed, his hands holding my wrists above my head. He looked down at me with a very evil sort of grin. "I'm not sure who is better at trolling in this relationship," he said as he brought his face closer to mine until I finally felt his lips against my mouth.

What?  
WHAT?  
I was NOT expecting this kind of reaction.

I was so dumbfounded that I didn't even kiss him back at first; I just laid there, stiff, trying to process what had just happened.

Phil pulled back, a devilish smirk on his lips as he looked down at me. "I saw straight through all of that," he informed me, then dipped his head back down, his lips trailing across my jaw line and onto my neck.

He caressed his tongue against it before closing his lips around my skin, sucking it into his mouth and grazing his teeth against it as he slowly pulled away. "I see you've got a lot less to say now," he whispered against my ear, his hot breath causing chills to collect all over my body. "That's good, because we won't be doing much talking," he said, nipping at my earlobe.

At that point, I stopped thinking, and just reacted. My wrists were still above my head, so I tried to pull one from his grasp, but he tightened his grip around them as his lips found mine once more. They brushed together before his tongue slid between them and into my mouth, which I opened immediately, hungry for his kiss.

I arched my back and wrapped my legs around his hips as I kissed him, and he leaned his body in against mine, causing my back to flatten against the mattress.

I felt his hand release one of my wrists and I quickly placed my hand on his back, dragging my fingertips under his shirt and onto his shoulder, his hand trailing down my side, over my hip and onto the top of my pants, all while continuing to kiss me intensely.

Phil fanned his fingers out and laced them through mine, giving my hand a squeeze as he used his free hand to pop the button of my pants open, his lips smoothing over my throat and onto the side of my neck.

"I want to get your opinion on something, sweetheart," he whispered, sliding his hand into my pants, under my panties, rubbing his fingertips firmly against my clit; his teeth grazed against my skin and he bit down on it, simultaneously slipping his finger inside of me. "Shhh," he quietly hushed me as a soft moan left my parted lips, his finger curving up and down. He raised his head to look at me, studying my reaction to his movement.

His actions stopped too soon, and he pulled his hand out of my pants and brought his finger to my mouth, smoothing it against my bottom lip. "How does that taste?" he asked, his voice low, but before I could answer he leaned in, I was hushed by his tongue trailing across my pouts. "Mmm," his lips vibrated against mine before he kissed me. "Exactly like I remember," he said, pulling away once again.

He released our knotted fingers and sat up on his knees, his hands on the sides of my pants as he tugged them off of my hips, down to my thighs, and finally off of me altogether.

"I must say, this sight of you never gets old." He pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it over his shoulder and dipped between my legs, immediately kissing my thigh.

I took this as an opportunity to pull my shirt and bra off and once they were gone, and I was relaxed against the bed again, I had to bite down on my fingers to keep myself from moaning.

We had to be quiet. Dan and Catherine were in the next room, just waiting to hear us arguing, because as far as they knew, Phil was very displeased with me.

I gasped, biting down harder on my knuckles as he kissed against my panties - when suddenly, I felt them tug against my skin and they were gone.

Did he just _rip _my panties off of me?

Those were 30 dollar Victoria's Secret underwear - and honestly, I didn't even care.

What better way to, literally, have a pair of panties destroyed?

I couldn't think of one.

Especially not when I felt his tongue slide against my pussy. I let out a soft moan, muffled against my fingers as I felt movement at the bottom of the bed and the sound of his belt clinking together.

When I looked down at him I could see that his pants were hanging off of his hips as he slid a condom over his shaft, and I watched as he tugged them down further and kicked them off.

His lips trailed against me, over my hip, onto my stomach and finally to my chest. He slid his tongue between them and licked over my nipple, then grazed his teeth against my skin until he got to my collarbone. I could feel his dick pressing against my pussy and he slid his hands under me, rolling me onto my stomach, then pulling my hips up and in, bringing them closer to him.

Without a word, he slid himself inside of me, and I was very glad my face was buried against one of his pillows, because I could not stop the moan that left my lips.

I felt his torso press against my back and one of his hands wound up in my hair, tugging my head up off of the bed, the other holding my hip. I supported myself on my palms and followed his movement; he forced my head to the side so that I was looking at him from over my shoulder, his hips swaying against me from behind.

My back arched and my breathing instantly got heavier; I could feel another moan coming on but it was silenced as his lips smothered mine.

"Shhh, sweetheart," Phil whispered against my mouth, pulling back so that he could look into my eyes, his hand still tangled up in my hair.

There was something about the way he looked at me, and the way that he said that to me that drove me crazy. I had to bite down on my lip to keep myself from moaning again.

He slid his hand from my hip and it smoothed over my back, stopping at my shoulder as he leaned in against me, forcing himself deeper inside of me, his eyes still on mine, watching me.

"Fuck," he whispered, his eyes closing as he lost himself in the pleasure we were sharing. "You feel so-," he interrupted himself with a soft moan as his eyes opened again, "fucking good, baby."

Hearing him say that made a shiver move over my entire frame and I bit down hard on my bottom lip to keep from moaning too loudly. I pushed my hips against him wanting to somehow feel more of him. His hand gripped my shoulder and he thrust hard into me causing me to gasp loudly.

Phil moaned as he slid his hand closer to the back of my neck, his thumb curving over it as his fingers groped against the side of my throat. My hair fell down over my face suddenly; he'd moved his hand from it and I could feel it dragging against my side and onto my ass, grasping it as tightly as he was now grasping my neck, his hips moving faster.

I clenched my teeth and my face contorted, it took all that I had not to scream; and just when I thought the pleasure couldn't get more intense, his hand slipped around my hip and his fingertips meshed onto my swollen clit and he rubbed firm circles against it.

"Phil," I panted, trying to be as quiet as I could be, "I can't-" my words were cut off with a gasp as I felt my body being turned over again and I fell with my back against the bed, Phil landing on top of me, his hips still swaying into mine. My first reaction was to bury my face against his neck, but he pushed my shoulder down, and his eyes lingered over my face.

My next reaction was to grab a pillow to muffle the loud moan that I knew was about to come, but he grabbed it from my hand before i could and tossed it away, smothering my lips with his to keep me quiet before pulling away, his hand around my throat, lightly choking me as he continued studying me. "Cum for me, sweetheart," he purred.

I couldn't handle him. The look in his eyes, his aggressiveness, the way he touched me, how he sounded, the way he _felt_; I wrapped my hands around his upper arms and dug my fingertips into them, my eyes rolling back as I began to cum, my pussy tightening with every thrust.

Both of our bodies tensed, then relaxed at the same time and Phil collapsed on top of me, his breathing just as short and shallow as mine.

For the first time, we came together and I honestly can't even begin to describe how great it felt.

My body was numb and heavy; it was a task just to raise my hand to the back of his, where I ran my fingers through his sweaty, disheveled hair.

"_Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow._" The Meow Mix song started playing and I let out a groan. It was Cat. Not that I was annoyed that she was texting me, I was annoyed that I had to get up to read it. Phil was laughing as he rolled onto his side and I crawled across the bed, looking down at the floor trying to find my pants. Luckily they were at the foot of it, so I didn't actually have to stand up; but I did have to bend over, flashing Phil a very nice shot of my ass.

"I'm enjoying this view of you," Phil commented sounding rather amused.

"Oh yeah?" I asked, moving my hips from side to side as I grabbed my phone and unlocked the screen to read the message.

"Um, yes. Unless you want me to attack you again then you should probably stop that," he laughed. "What does the waffle magician want?"

"LEILA FAUST AND PHIL LESTER, STOP RUBBING YOUR P AND V AGAINST EACH OTHER AND COME HANG OUT WITH THE COOLEST PEOPLE EVER!" Cat's voice echoed through the apartment.

"OH GOD!" I laughed, not really at Cat's outburst, more so at the picture message she had sent me. "Look at this, babe," I said as I crawled back towards him on my knees, my arm outstretched so he could see the picture.

He tilted his head so he could see the picture and then put his head face down on the bed and screamed. "NOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Lele. Lele. Lele. Lele. Lele. Lele. Lele." I could hear Cat whispering outside the door. I turned to look towards it and could see her little fingers under the crack of the door wiggling around.

"Thanks for showing us a side of Dan we didn't want to see," I said loud enough for Cat to hear me. "I think Phil is scarred for life," I laughed, looking over at him. He still had his face buried against the mattress.

"I'm sure he's seen it before," Cat giggled, still wiggling her fingers under the door.

"What the fuck are you doing on the floor?" I heard Dan ask.

"God Dan, I can lay on floor if I want. Stop being such a hater!" she replied in a very dramatic, girly way.

Phil laughed as he sat up on the bed. "We need a nanny for our children."

"We need a vacation," I laughed as I rolled off of the bed and onto my feet. "At least they waited until we were done this time though," I shrugged, wobbling around the bed to collect my clothes. Surprisingly enough I didn't stumble, even though my legs were still shaking.

"Are you two doing it _again_?" Dan groaned. "LITTER OF CHILDREN, GUYS. STOP IT." He yelled sounding a lot like Cat.

"No. That picture of your ass broke my libido," I yelled back at him as I pulled my shirt over my head.

"Dan and I just fucked in the kitchen, don't let him be judgey," Cat laughed, then squealed and I heard their feet moving quickly down the  
hallway.  
I looked over at Phil to see that he was still laying in bed, completely naked. "Umm..." I tilted my head. "Need some help?" I offered, then bent down to pick up what I could find of his clothes. "I think the Nargles took your underwear," I said, looking around the floor for them. They were nowhere to be found.

"I wasn't wearing underwear," he informed me as he crawled off of the bed. "I never wear underwear when I sleep. I need some air flow around there," he informed me while pointing towards his crotch.

"Well," I laughed, surprised. You would think I would have noticed by now. "Are you going free balling for the rest of the day? I might have to- nevermind." I stopped myself, grinning as I walked over to his dresser and picked up his phone, pretending to check the time, even though I had my phone to do that.

I clicked on the Twitter icon and wrote up a nice little Tweet for his followers.

**I don't wear underwear when I sleep. Also, I'm going commando for the live show. I love feeling air on my balls. **

"Damn, we were at it for awhile," I commented as I sat his phone back down. He'd been too busy dressing himself to notice what I'd done, so he'd most likely blame Dan for that message.

"Yes we were," he grinned over at me as he buttoned his jeans. "I think we'll have to do that whole having to be quiet because we might get caught thing more often."

Unf.

"I agree," I nodded. "It was.. saucy."

I was talking toward the door and I stopped when I realized I'd just said saucy. Dan was rubbing off on me.

"I can't believe I just said that," I laughed and pulled his bedroom door open.

It was quiet.

"Uh oh. Do you hear that?" I asked Phil as I stepped into the hallway.

"Screaming and then silence," Phil said as he stepped out as well. We both looked down the hall just waiting for one of them to jump out or something. "Dan and Cat, please do not attempt to scare the hell out of us," he said with a loud sigh as he walked towards the bathroom. He very slowly reached into the room and flicked on the light switch.  
"Coast is clear," he told me as he walked in.

I tiptoed into the living room, trying to be as quiet as they were; of course, when you're trying to be quiet it's impossible. The floor creaked and I ended up scaring myself because of it. "They're not in here either," I whispered.

"I found them," Phil whispered, motioning for me to come back down the hallway with him. I followed him not knowing what the hell I would see. You never knew with those two. He stopped by Dan's door and pointed into the room. I peeked inside to see Dan sitting on the bed on his laptop looking like he was in deep concentration. Cat was lying next to him holding her camera above her head as she flipped through photos on it.

"They're being good. I'm sort of scared," Phil whispered in my ear

"I know," I whispered back, still looking at them through the gap in the door. "That's never a good sign... Oh, hey, want to make them piss themselves?"

His eyes lit up like a kid on Christmas morning. "Duh," he grinned. "What are you thinking?"

I stopped away from the door and motioned for him to follow me so they couldn't overhear us. "We could get fancy and set something up, or we could just barge in and scream," I offered, looking down the hall. "Or.." I trailed off and pulled my phone out of my pocket. After turning the volume all the way down I crept back down the hallway and snapped a picture of them through the small space of the open door.

Once I was back to Phil, I grabbed his shoulders and pushed him against the wall, which made a loud thud followed by the sound of me moaning. "You, me, shower, NOW," I said loud enough for Cat and Dan to hear.  
"Yes ma'am!" Phil answered me just as loudly right before I grabbed his arm and pulled him into the bathroom. I slammed the door loudly and covered my mouth to hide my giggles.

"What are you going to do?" Phil asked as he hopped onto the bathroom counter.

I turned on the shower so they would be able to hear the water running and then I bumped into the wall, knocking my elbows against it for good measure while I pulled the picture up for him to see. "I'm going to send that to both of them on Tumblr with a creepy message," I smiled, then kicked the side of my foot against the wall and moaned again.

.  
"Fuck!" Phil yelled, helping me out. "Oh my God. This is going to be amazing," he whispered, trying not to laugh too loudly.

**Dan's POV: **

I was in the middle of editing my video when a thumping noise down the hallway nearly made me jump off of my bed.

I gasped and cupped my hand against my chest. "Jesus Christ!" I shook my head and rolled my eyes, hearing Phil's and Leila's voices. "Their sex life is serious business," I laughed, looking down at Cat.

"Yes it is," she laughed as she clicked a button on her camera so she could look through photos. She turned her head and looked up at me. "When are you going to let me take photos of your gorgeous self?"

"You can take them whenever you want," I smiled, leaning down so I could see what she was looking at. I tilted my head. "It looks like you already got one," I said, furrowing my brow. "When the shit did you take that?" It was a picture of me sleeping.

She pulled her camera away quickly trying to cover the display. "You were not supposed to see that!" she laughed. "That just made my stalker points go up."

"You're reaching veteran Phan stalker level," I said jokingly. Don't get your panties in a twist. I love you stalker Phans. "Should I be scared that you're going to skin me alive?"  
"Nah, I like your skin too much to do that," she told me as she sat up on the bed. "Here," she offered me her camera. "I have a lot of photos that none of you knew I took."

"Creepy Cat," I grinned and took the fancy camera from her.

I was supposed to be editing my video so I could get ready for the live show later.

Productive procrastination.

I flipped through the pictures and the next one I saw was one from the sleepover we had. It was of me Leila and Phil still asleep on the pile of cushions, and the next one was pretty much the same, Only Cat was sitting in the shot with us.

"You're so bloody sneaky," I laughed, then continued flipping through them.

"Yes, I am," she laughed. "I used to drive my parents insane with that shit. My Mom would get film developed and not know where the hell half the photos came from. There's a really photo good I took of you while you were up late editing one night. The Phans would shit. You look gorgeous. I think the best photos of people are the ones taken while someone isn't paying attention."

"This one?" I asked, tilting the camera back so that she could see it. I was sitting in the lounge at the computer with my cheek pressed against my palm, staring at the screen like I was watching a really intense movie scene. "Maybe you should share it with the Phans," I suggested. "They were asking about you, by the way, saying they haven't seen much of you since the convention. A few actually thought we broke up."

Her mouth fell open. "Whaaat? Ew. No. I don't like that." She took the camera from me before crawling over so that she was kneeling right next to me. She leaned in and pressed her lips against my cheek before she held her camera up above us. "Don't be derpy," she mumbled against me before she pressed the button and a horribly bright flash went off. She pulled back and looked down at the camera. "Yay! Very cute," she grinned.

After taking her memory card out she handed it to me. "Here you go. Tumblr that shit. Can is not broken."

I literally laughed in her face when she said that. "Their can is about to be broken," I told her as I sat up and grabbed my laptop. Pulling it onto my thighs I stuck the SD card inside of it and the pictures started to load. "So many feels!" I made a freaked out face at her, then leaned in to pop a kiss against her lips.

Once they were finished loading I looked through them and found a few of the two of us plus the new one she had just taken and loaded them to a picture post with text that said;

**Can is not broken. **

And tagged the shit out of it like I normally do anything that I post.

Once the page refreshed I actually paid attention to my dashboard. My message envelope had triple digits above it, so I decided to sift through some messages, because I knew more would pour in once the Phans saw Cat's pictures.

The very first one said: **DAN, WHERE IS WHISKERS?! **So I glanced over at Catherine. "See what I mean?" I said then looked back at the screen.

"Awww. That's-" she stopped speaking abruptly and leaned in towards the screen. "What the fuck?" she asked, sounding very disturbed. "Where the hell did that come from?" she shrieked, pointing at the screen.

I was confused until I saw the second message - it was a note with a spaced out url with it from 'crazy-phan.'

**I SEE YOU TWO. **  
**If I were Cat I'd be on your thighs instead of that laptop. And what is Cat looking at on that camera? **

Why I decided to copy and paste that bloody URL is beyond me. I should have known from the message not to. But I did.

The picture loaded and my mouth fell open.

"WHAT THE FUCK!" I shrieked. I almost threw my bloody Macbook across the room, but stopped myself and just shoved it away; only to lean in to look at it again. "DO YOU SEE THIS SHIT!?" I asked loudly, glancing over at Cat.

It was a picture of us from.. five minutes ago? We were both on my bed, Cat holding her camera up in the air, and me staring at my computer screen, editing my video.

Her eyes were huge and she was just staring at it like she was in a trance. "Oh God. Oh God. They're going to kill us! Fucking Leila and her psycho ideas about them killing us. She was right!" she yelled while pointing at the picture.

My heart was beating like I'd just had some of the wildest sex ever. Actually, it may have been beating even harder; and then a thought sent me into panic. "Oh my God..."

Phil and Leila had been in the shower, so we couldn't hear anything over the sound of the water; and there was no telling how long ago that photo was taken. Given that it was the second message in my inbox, it couldn't have been long ago.

"I need to check the front door," I told her. Phil and I were both at home, so the chance of it being locked were slim.. Jesus on a boat, what if it _was _locked? That would make this even fucking scarier -

Oh shit. What if whoever had taken this was still in the house?

What if it was McKenzie?

What if she had gotten her hands on a key to our flat?

What if she posted our address online somewhere because she's batshit crazy?

Oh God. Please let it be Slenderman.

"No!" she whispered as she grabbed onto my arm. "You are not leaving this room. Someone could be out in the hall waiting to stab you and steal your skin to make a very fucking realistic Dan sex doll."

"What are we supposed to do then?" I whispered back at her, glancing from her to the door, which was cracked. I started to flail.

They had been _right _bloody there and we didn't even hear them! "We need to at least shut the door," I told her, now so paranoid that I couldn't take my eyes off of it. "Oh my God. Phil and Leila!" I gasped. "They're just out there and they have no idea."

I probably looked terrified.

Because I WAS terrified.

"Oh fuck. I'm freaking out," she whispered, practically crawling onto my lap. She was trembling against me because she was freaking out so bad. "I left my fucking phone in the living room. I can't text them." She gasped. "Oh shit. What if they're already dead in the shower? I think I'm gonna puke."

"I-"

I couldn't even think. What the fuck is my life even? Jesus on a boat!

My best friend was probably dead in the next room, I had probably pissed myself, and I was probably about to be murdered along side my girlfriend.

"Okay," I glanced around for my phone and I felt a tiny bit of hope when I saw it but just as I was about to reach for it - the water in the bathroom shut off.

Oh my God. What if they just heard her say that?

How I stopped myself from screaming was beyond me and I instinctively clamped my hand over Cat's mouth as I shook my head. "Shhh," I narrowed my eyes glancing from her to the door and back again.

I nodded my head towards the floor, urging her to climb onto the floor closest to the wall. Once she was down there, I laid down beside her.

I listened closely for any sign of noise; but all I could hear was silence.

Cat had a death grip on the side of my shirt and she pulled at it to get my attention. She had tears in her eyes and she looked like she was as fucking terrified as we both were. "If we die, I hope you know how much I love you and I totally would've married you and had a bunch of mini-Dan and Cat babies," she whispered before leaning towards me and kissing my lips hard.

I wrapped my arms tightly around her, protectively, as she kissed me. I was every bit as scared as she was, but something inside of me kept me from really showing that it. "I love you too baby," I whispered. "We're not going to die though, okay?" I told her, petting her hair.

I heard footsteps in the hall along with the sound of the floor creaking and my grip on Cat got tighter; the footsteps were coming closer.

"Okay, maybe we are," I finally admitted. "I love you so, so much, Cat. I would have happily helped you make an army of Cans, and I-"

The footsteps stopped and I heard my door opening further.

This was it.

"Guys?!" Leila - LEILA?

"Cat? Dan?" she called out. "Babe, I don't think they're in here."

I don't know what made me do it. I guess it was a mix of me being happy to know that they were alive and also knowing that we had a chance of being saved from this horrific situation. But I poked my head up over the top of the bed. "Pssst."

Leila stopped and looked over her shoulder, her brow furrowed. "Dan, why are you on the floor? Are you two playing hide and seek? And.. are you crying?" Leila's voice was so bloody loud, I just wanted to tell her to pipe the fuck down - but I didn't.

Wait. Crying? I blinked my eyes and felt wetness around them.

Oh bloody hell. I didn't even care at that point.

"SHHH!" I hushed her, gesturing for her to come in.  
"Shut the fuck up!" Cat whispered to her. "Someone else is in the apartment!"

"What?" she looked confused as she stepped in, Phil following behind her.

"Shut that fucking door!" I demanded. Once Phil was inside, he shut it behind him.

"What the hell?" Phil said, looking at us like we were fucking crazy.

"What's going on?" Leila asked, walking over to the bed. "How do you know someone is in here?"

"Look at the picture on the laptop and stop talking so loud!" Cat whispered, glancing towards the door.

Leila looked down at the computer screen and then glanced back at us before sitting down on the bed, looking unfazed. "So," she tilted her head, her voice still entirely too fucking loud. "You two want to marry each other and make Can babies?! That's so cute! Can I be your maid of honor and their Godmother?"

Suddenly Cat sat straight up and started giving Leila a death glare. "You. Bitch!" she shrieked before beginning to quickly crawl over towards the bed. "Your ass is mine! You evil, evil troll woman!"

Phil just started laughing really hard and shaking his head. "Oh God. That was such a beautiful moment in my life. I can't believe you cried!"

It didn't register with me until then what the fuck had just happened. "Oh. My. God," I shook my head. "Again? AGAIN? REALLY?" I yelled as I pushed myself off of the floor. "Fuck you, Phil! You would have been crying too! I literally thought I was about to die. For the SECOND time in the last two blood months! Oh my-" I growled. "What the HELL!"

Leila was laughing now, her head leaned back as her laughter echoed around my bedroom. "Oh SHIT!" she said through giggles. "I can't believe-" she shook her head and raised her hand out in front of her. "I can't even. OHHHH. You-" she proceeded to double over, still laughing like she had just witnessed the funniest thing ever.

"I'm not your friend anymore!" Cat reached up and slapped Leila's leg before scrambling to get to her feet and putting her hands on her hips. "Phil Lester, I am ashamed of you!" she pointed at him like she was his Mum or something.

"I'm sorry! It was so funny though. I can't believe you two didn't immediately see straight through it," he told us as he wiped the corners of his eyes because apparently it was so funny he'd made himself cry from laughing so hard. "I think that love has made you lose your trolling touch, Dan."

"What were we supposed to think!" I defended, moving my hands around. "You get a bloody ask like that on Tumblr from 'crazy-phan' and see how fast _you _freak the hell out!" I shouted, being more animated then usual.

I didn't appreciate that last comment though. "You two have had it! I swear! I am getting the both of you back and neither of you will know what the fuck happened! I owe you for two fucked up trolls and I will show NO bloody mercy!"

Oh, they were going to get it.

"We didn't mean to make you cry," Leila said from behind her hand. Of course she was still bloody laughing about it. "Seriously, we figured you would freak out a little and then.." she shrugged. "We had no idea-" she stopped talking again so she could continue to laugh.

Cat continued glaring at both of them. "I know the tit punch was bad and I deserved some pay back for that but this surpasses pay back. You're both goin' down. Watch your back, cockgobblers," she pointed between the two of them before turning and walking out of the room all sassy-like the way she does when she's mad.

Phil raised an eyebrow as he looked over at me. "I think I'm more afraid of what her brain can come up with than what yours can."

"Then you might want to sleep with one eye open, Phil. Cause the two of us together? You're going to piss yourself. Literally."

"No offense," Leila laughed. My fuck, was she ever going to stop? "But I'm not sure how you guys are going to top that and the Slenderman thing. Just admit it, you've gone soft."

I made a face at her, "You've gone soft, har har," I said in a stupid voice before my expression turned serious. "No."

Leila rolled her eyes and got up off of the bed. "We make a great team, babe," she smiled at Phil before walking out of the door. "CATTTTT, LET ME LOVE YOU," I heard her say, her feet slapping against the floor.

I looked at Phil and shook my head. "That was fucking horrible."

"Noooooooooo! You're mean! I'm tellin' your Mama!" I heard Cat yell before I heard her squeal. "NO! JESUS ON A BOAT! DO NOT TICKLE ME!"

I facepalmed myself. "I live in a fucking mad house."


	23. Watch Out We Got A Badass Over Here

**A/N: ****I decided to put a disclaimer up here before anyone reads this chapter and decides to flip the fuck out over it. We mention a few things that might **  
**make certain people uncomfortable. You'll see when you read it -hint- it's what Leila spazzes out about. Anyways, please remove any panties/boxers**  
**/sticks that may be lodged in your asshole before you read this. It's not to be taken seriously and it's all for good humor (and to maybe call attention to t**  
**he weirder Phan shippers). **  


* * *

**Phil's POV: **

"Leila!" I yelled from my room sounding like an angry father ready to lecture his child. "Did you hack my twitter and tell everyone I wasn't wearing underwear?"

While waiting for Dan so we could start a live show we scheduled to do together I checked my twitter to see I had hundreds of perverted tweets directed towards me. Some were very disturbing, of course.

Before Leila replied I could hear her and Cat's giggles coming from the living room.

"Why would I do that?" I heard Leila say. "I love you! I wouldn't hack your Twitter to tell people that you like to go around without underwear!" Her statement was exclaimed by amused laughter.

"Why are you two looking at me?!" Dan defended. I was sure Cat and Leila were both giving him judgey looks.

"It was Daniel!" Cat yelled while still laughing.

"I bet it was," I yelled back, shaking my head. "Dan, come on. We're in the queue."

"Stop stealing my boyfriend, Phil. GOSH!" Cat yelled.

"Stop stealing my girlfriend, Cat! GOSH!" I yelled back. Why is it that Cat had the power to turn me into a 5 year old?

"Stop blaming me for everything! GOSH!" Dan joined in. "I bet Cat did it since she was so quick to say it was me."

"Okay then! I'll just blame Phil for all of those orgasms you've given me!" Cat replied.

Silence.

Apart from me laughing.

"Wow, Cat. You took it to a different level with that," Leila snorted.

"Are you saying Phil sent that Tweet himself?" Dan asked. "Phil, stop Tweeting shit like that to get attention!" Dan yelled.

I heard the sound of footsteps followed by a loud thud and a squeal from Dan. "I'M SORRY, STOP! OW. YOU'RE GOING TO BREAK IT! MY PENISSSSSSS!" He cried.

I rubbed the sides of my face and sighed loudly. "I don't know which one of you is killing Dan but please stop before we go live," I yelled. "I live in a mad house. I'm going to get padded walls installed."

"That would be so much fun!" I heard Cat say.

"Cat! It looks like you're trying to give him a blow job through his pants!" Leila said through laughter.

"IT'S NOT FUNNY! IT HURTS!" Dan shrieked. There was a banging sound against the floor and Dan screamed again.

All of a sudden I heard Cat's scary cackle laugh she did that made her sound possessed. "I'll kiss it better for you later tonight."

"Oh God!" I fell back on the bed and covered my ears.

I felt the mattress shift a few seconds later and I figured that it was Dan coming to do the live show with me. I opened my eyes and immediately screamed like a girl because Cat's face was hovering over mine.

I sat up and she moved with me but then wrapped her arms around me, pinning my arms against my sides and squeezed me as hard as she could while she rubbed her face all over the side of my head. "My Philertoooons!" she squealed while doing whatever the hell she was doing to me. "Ooooh him's so cuuuuuuuute! I just wanna squish him, and love him, and pet him, and-" she stopped suddenly and then leaned forward towards the laptop. "Oh shit," she laughed. "You're live. Hey people!" she waved before quickly scrambling off of the bed and running out of the room.

I just stared at the door for a few seconds and then looked down at the screen. My hair was EVERYWHERE. "Oh bloody hell," I grumbled as I attempted to straighten it out.

"Yes, that was Whiskers and yes, she's absolutely insane," I informed everyone because the chat was blowing up with 'Is that Phil and Whiskers?' 'Whiskers!' 'I ship it!'. Oh God.

Dan appeared out of bloody nowhere and jumped down onto my bed beside me. "Hello internet!" he said happily, waving at the camera as he leaned in to look at the screen. "No, he's not having an affair with Whiskers. Jesus christ, you guys," he shook his head. "Phil are you still commando?" he read aloud then started laughing. "I hope not."

"Yep," I nodded, smiling at the camera. "I haven't washed any pants in a while! Would you rather me wear dirty ones? That's disgusting." Honestly it was because I didn't feel like putting them on after having sex with Leila earlier.

Mmm sex with Leila. That was fun.

FOCUS, PHIL.

I started reading a few of the things people were saying and laughed. "Someone just said that if they shipped Cat and I it would be called Phat. That's amazing but I ship Phileila. It's serious."

"SERIOUS BUSINESS," Dan said in a deep voice without looking away from the screen. "Oh," he started laughing. "Well Charlotte says if you and Cat are Phat then Leila and I are Delia. DELIA SMITH! Oh, you guys."

I playfully glared at him while slowly shaking my head. "Leila mine. Cat yours," I told him in a cave man sounding voice. "Although that was quite clever, Charlotte. Nice job," I laughed.

"Indeed," Dan nodded. "Don't worry Phil, there's only one person that is delusional enough to think Delia could actually be a ship," he said as he looked over at me. I knew exactly who he was talking about. "Hopefully she isn't watching."

"She's probably too busy standing at our door trying to see if any of us are talking," I rolled my eyes. "Riley M. just asked if we're sad that we don't celebrate Thanksgiving." I gasped and held my hands up in the air. "We do get to have Thanksgiving this year, guys! I'm so excited!"

Dan started laughing. "That's right!" he said, sounding as if it had slipped his mind. "I'm excited too. Though, I'm not sure why you are so excited. I mean the food of course but.." he looked over at me with a taunting expression before looking back at the screen.

"I HEARD THAT YOU ASSHOLE!" Leila yelled.

Dan laughed again but didn't say anything back to her. "Are you two going to America?" he read one of the notes in the chat before it disappeared. "No, our girlfriends are celebrating it here with us."

"That's still a bit strange to hear. Our girlfriends," I laughed, ignoring his reference to Leila's parents. The thought of it made my stomach want to flip inside out and die. "Do you eat Thanksgiving meal for lunch or dinner? Or do you eat it for every meal?" I gasped and put my hand on Dan's shoulder. "Do we get Thanksgiving waffles?"

"Phil, you act like I don't make waffles for you like everyday!" Cat yelled and I started laughing.

"She does make waffles everyday. Definitely awesome best friend's girlfriend and girlfriend's best friend material." I raised an eyebrow at myself. "It would've been easier to say she's my best friend. I think I need sleep."

"Inception," Dan nodded. "You always go around saying the most ridiculous things. You confuse me, Phil," Dan told me as he looked at me, obviously judging me before looking back at the screen. "Since we don't know much about Thanksgiving, why don't you guys tell us about it. Who do you celebrate it with? Is it lunch or is it dinner? Or is it an all day thing? Because we literally have no bloody clue what we're in store for."

"Except that we get to eat so much we feel like we might explode," I added.

I started reading through the responses flying by. "You eat placenta. Zebra! It's lunch. It's dinner. I celebrate it with the Pope." I looked over at Dan and sighed. "This is like asking Cat for advice after she's had a few Jack and cokes."

Dan was laughing again. "It's like multiple Cats shouting things at us, which is a terrifying thought. The world isn't ready for that kind of insanity," he shook his head. "You should invite the queen. Oh, she's coming and she's bringing her Corgi... Macy says, FUCK YOU CHAT, I WAS TRYING TO READ WHAT SHE SAID!" Dan pretended to get very upset with the Younow chat. "Sorry, Macy. If you send it again maybe I'll catch it."

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH I WANNA DANCE WITH SOMEBODY! I WANNA FEEL THE HEAT WITH SOMEBODYYYYYY!" Cat's voice rang out through the apartment and Dan and I just turned and looked at each other in confusion.

"Leila, is she drinking?" I called out.

"No! This is normal behavior, babe!" Leila shouted, laughing.

"Sorry! I forgot!" Cat laughed.

"Your girlfriend needs to be medicated, I think," I laughed. "Well, no. Cause she can be pretty entertaining. Wow. We are so like those girls who talk about their boyfriends all the time. I am so sorry, guys," I laughed, looking at the screen again.

"Don't be sorry! TELL US ABOUT THEM! Can they join you guys? Tell us about having sex with them! TELL US ABOUT SEX IN GENERAL. Can gives me so many feels." Dan read a few of the lines that got frozen in the chat before they disappeared into a sea of text.

He looked over at me. "I feel like they like our girlfriends more than they like us or something," he laughed.

"I like our girlfriends more than us," I laughed. "Tell you guy about them? Umm. Well, Leila is really amazing, obviously. What's funny about her is that she seems super calm and mature and then all of the sudden she has Cat outbursts. She's so funny. Gorgeous. She's a great snuggler. She smells wonderful-"

"She has a great va-" the rest of Cat's word was muffled by what I'm assuming was Leila's hand covering her mouth.

There were lots of 'AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWs', 'MY OVARIES ARE DESTROYEDs' and 'I CAN'Ts' in the chat.

"Cat is pretty much the opposite with random serious Leila moments," Dan laughed. "She is ridiculous. I find myself facepalming a lot when I'm around her.. I adore her though. Cat, if you're watching, I love you," Dan smiled that smile that was specific to Cat and held up his hands making a heart.

And then the chat blew up with more 'AWWWWWWWWWWs', 'I CAN'Ts' and 'MY OVARIES ARE DESTROYED. SO MANY FEELINGS.'

"This is a coverup. Phan is real," Dan read from the chat and started laughing. "Oh yeah, we're both faking relationships to make people think Phan isn't real."

And of course, the chat then blew up with arguments between Phan shippers and Can and Phileila shippers.

"No arguing!" I pointed at the camera and glared. Before I could say anything else I heard footsteps coming down the hallway fast before Cat came running through the door. She ran over to the side of the bed Dan was sitting on before bending down, grabbing his face, and kissing his lips. "I love you too," she grinned.

I turned to look at the computer and was met with Leila's face a few inches from mine. "Ah!" I screamed but it was quickly muffled by her lips pressing against mine. "Sweet boy," she grinned as she pulled back and patted the top of my head.

I think Younow was probably close to breaking with all of the posts that were coming into the chat. We had twice as many viewers than normal, and they were all saying things like 'MAKE THEM STAY', 'HAVE SEX WITH THEM', 'LIVE SEX PLEASE', 'OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG SO CUTE', 'BRB DYING'; but of course, the loyal Phan shippers were not pleased. 'GET RID OF THEM', 'NO ONE WANTS TO SEE PHOLDEMORT AND PHREDDY KRUEGER', 'STOP FAKING RELATIONSHIPS WITH THESE GIRLS', 'DAN LOOKS JEALOUS', 'YOU'RE NOT FOOLING ANYONE.'

The girls crawled onto the bed and sat behind us, peering over our shoulder at the chat. "Awww! Hey everybody!" Cat said as she waved at the camera. "Sorry but we can't have sex on here. That's for a  
different site," she laughed.

"I don't think they're all happy to see us," Leila laughed. I could tell it was a nervous laugh. She was still terrified of most of the Phan-shippers.

As she had said, 'as a fangirl, I know better than to smack talk someone's OTP.'

"Ignore the negative stuff, sweetheart," I told her as I turned my head to kiss her cheek. "There's more positive than negative anyway."

"Yeah! Someone just said they want hair like yours and then someone said you're so pretty they want to die," Cat laughed. "Okay, the dying part isn't positive but you get me."

"My God, so many snapshots right now," Dan laughed. "They want us to kiss again so they can take snapshots of it," he glanced over his shoulder and looked at Cat.

When I went to look at Leila again I noticed that she was crouched down behind me, hiding from the camera.

"Baby, what are you doing?" I asked as I turned to the side so she couldn't hide. "Stop it. People love you." I picked her hand up and brought it to my lips to kiss her knuckles.

She peeked around my shoulder before looking at me. "Fine," she sighed then smiled and then surprisingly leaned in and kissed me long enough for people to take a few screenshots of it. "Sorry if that offended anyone," she said to the screen the kissed me again. "That too."

I grinned, feeling very proud of her. I always felt sort of guilty because of how she had to deal with negativity from our fans. I tucked her hair behind her ear and leaned in to kiss her again.

"Ugh. Couples," Cat grumbled. "Oh God!" she laughed. "Someone just said that they ship me and Leila."

"Wow. That's a new one," I laughed and immediately remembered Leila and Cat trying to troll us with their story about having sex. It was probably not a good idea to think of that considering what happened afterwards.

"Okay, the million dollar question," Dan said seriously. "What's their ship name. 1, 2 3, GO," he laughed and stared at the screen, waiting for the fans responses.

"Lecat," I read the first one that popped up and laughed. "I like that! It sounds French or something."

Cat reached over and started petting the side of Leila's head. "Oh hey there, sexy. Wanna bang?"

I facepalmed myself.

'I knew they were gay for eachother' popped up in the chat about fifty times along with more ship names. Most of them were nice, but of course there were the handfuls of bad ones that included calling them bad names and life ruiners.

"They never stopped to think that maybe they're faking relationships with us," Dan commented with a laugh. "They're not, before you guys get carried away with that."

"Nice, Dan. Give them more ideas," I laughed. "Okay, okay. Let's stop with all the pointless bashing and whatnot. Ask us more questions!"

"Do you shave your vaginas?" Dan bursted out laughing. "Oh my God," he shook his head and glanced back at Cat and Leila.

"Gah, that's personal," Leila rolled her eyes but started laughing, because she wasn't an uptight person. "Uh, this isn't 1970. Of course we do."

"I don't. I've got a big fro betwixt my legs. I plan to dye it rainbow pretty soon. Dan's totally into it," Cat told them with a completely serious expression. "Do Phil and Leila have sex?" she read aloud and looked over at me grinning.

I rolled my eyes and glanced at Leila before looking at the screen again. "Have your parents met the boys yet?" I read. "Uh, sort of. We've Skyped with them but they're coming for Thanksgiving so that should be interesting."

"Are Cat and Leila moving to London?" Dan read out loud. "Guys, they live here.." he answered. "Why are there pictures of them kissing? Was Lecat a real ship like Phan used to be?" He slapped his hand against his face. "Why does it always come back to _that_?"

"There are pictures of us kissing?" Cat asked with a confused expression. "And Oh my glob, y'all. Phan is not, was not, and never will be real. Get. Over. It. I do not understand why so many girls are obsessed with the idea of two dudes being together. It makes no fucking sense whatsoever. You do not have a penis nor are you a homosexual man so how does it benefit you?" Cat started ranting and I covered my mouth to hide my laughter. "I mean, isn't it more fun to think of them with a girl so you can lady fap to it? I don't wanna lady fap to ball to ball contact. But to each her own, I guess."

"Thank you for that, Cat. Just beautiful," I laughed, shaking my head.

After Dan composed himself from Cat's little tangent, he looked at the screen again; I'm pretty sure both of us saw the same thing and were just waiting for it to get lost into the sea of text.

**What about the Valentine's day video? **

Luckily it was gone a few seconds later, replaced by more questions about Cat and Leila. "When is Leila's movie coming out? I read your book Leila IT'S GREAT!" Dan read out loud, being animated, then glanced back at Leila.

"Thank you!" she clapped her hands together like an excited child, smiling like someone had just told her she'd hit the lottery. "I'm glad you liked it! I'm not sure about the release date, they literally just started filming about two weeks ago. Probably this time next year though," she explained.

"And I will probably go see it 20 times," I laughed and looked over at her being all proud and whatnot.

"What the fuck is everyone talking about?" Cat asked, tilting her head. "People keep saying 'what about the Valentine's video?'" She looked up at Dan.

Dan didn't look happy at all when Cat asked them and he let out a very agitated groan. "Not this madness again," he rolled his eyes and fell over, his head landing on my lap. "Fuck this isn't helping," he grumbled and rolled onto his side, away from me. "It's nothing, babe. A bunch of Phans trying to prove that Phan is real, _again._" He scoffed.

Cat and Leila turned to look at each other and I knew the looks they were giving. They weren't going to let it go.

"Cat, when are you going to take photos of Dan and Phil and put them on your photography tumblr?" I read a question when the chat paused for a moment to take their minds off of that.

Cat shrugged. "I don't know. It's up to the boys. I have tons of photos of them already but they're not posed or anything. If you are around me a lot then you run the risk of having many pictures of yourself taking while you're not paying attention," she laughed.

"You have photos of me?" I asked, pointing at myself.

She nodded, grinning. "Mmmhm. Super good ones too. Oh wow. That sounded so conceited. I meant you look good in them not that I took a good photo."

"Shut that hole in your face. YOUR PICTURES ARE AMAZING!" Leila had an outburst and she leaned in, yelling in Cat's face. "AMAZING CAT. AMAZING CAT IS ON FIRE!"

Cat's eyes got huge and she started laughing before leaning forward and pretending she was eating Leila's nose. "Shit. I hope my breath didn't stink," Cat laughed.

"Thank you for proving my point about your outbursts, babe," I laughed.

"How do the boys smell?" Cat read aloud before leaning over to sniff Dan. Her eyes rolled back and she let out a moan. "Like fucking manliness and orgasms and panty destroying," she cleared her throat. "Gucci, in other words."

"Sniff me!" I leaned towards Leila.

Leila leaned in towards me and sniffed the back of my neck. "Like sugar and spice and everything nice," she smiled, and I laughed, remembering the first time we hung out.

"Phil probably smells like me now because I rubbed myself all over him earlier," Cat laughed.

The buzzer went off letting us know someone was there and the girls looked at each other, gasped, and then yelled "PIZZA!" before quickly crawling off of the bed and running out of the room squealing.

"Our girlfriends, everyone," I laughed, shaking my head. "I think they like pizza a bit."

"PLEASE SAVE ME SOMEEEEE!" Dan whined, looking towards the door that they'd just disappeared from.

"Only if you give me some of that di-" once again, the rest of Cat's sentence was cut off by what I'm assuming was Leila's hand.

"We ordered 4 pizzas. I think they'll save us some," I laughed

**Cat's POV: **

"Vis pivva ifs so good," Leila told me with her mouth full.

I started laughing and nearly got choked on the bite of pizza I'd just taken. "Super sexy, babe."

We were sitting on the couch together eating our pizza and watching the boys do the rest of the live show.

"I wonder if anyone is actually fapping while watching this right now," I thought aloud as I stared at the screen. "They could just mute it and watch it and flick the bean."

Leila looked up from the screen mid-chew with big eyes. She just stared at me until she swallowed her bite. "Have you done that before?" she asked me sounding very serious.

"No," I laughed, shaking my head. "I mean, of course I've fapped while thinking of Dan but I've never done what I just thought of. I should have though. It could work," I shrugged. "Dude, Dan is just talking away telling Phil a story and Phil is just staring at himself. Watch him," I laughed, pointing at the screen.

Leila leaned in and looked at the computer.

Dan was in the middle of some long story and Phil was just nodding and saying "Oh yeah?" and "Damn," every now and again.

Lele started laughing. "He isn't even paying attention! Like seriously, look at him. It's so obvious. He isn't even trying to seem interested," she shook her head. "Be right back," she told me as she stood up from the couch and disappeared down the hall.

A few seconds later I heard her from Phil's bedroom and on the show.  
"PHILLIP MICHAEL LESTER! STOP STARING AT YOURSELF AND PAY ATTENTION TO DAN'S STORY!"

Dan and Phil both jumped, obviously surprised by her arrival.

"I am paying attention!" Phil defended.

"No you're not! It's so obvious!" Leila laughed.

"I was too!" he defended again.

"What was he talking about then?"

Silence.

"That's what I thought! I fake-listen to people enough to know what it looks like, but I don't do it to my best friend!"

"Is she taking up for me right now? Oh my God, it's the alpacalypse!" Dan fell over sideways and out of the shot of the camera.

Meanwhile I was sitting there laughing so hard I thought I was going to pee on the couch. "Woooo! Go Lele!" I yelled as I watched her walk out of the room. I looked up to see her running back into the living room like Phil was going to be chasing after her for what she did.  
"I think you made Dan feel special," I told her through my laughter.

I started reading the chat and it was blowing up. "Let's see what people are saying," I said as I watched the hundreds of messages flying by. I had to wait for it to pause to catch anything. "Leila is awesome. Phil totally wasn't paying attention. . Phil is in trouble! These people need their own tv show." I cracked up. "We do need our own tv show. That would be amazing. I'd watch it."

Dan must have caught a glimpse of that last one, because he started laughing and said the same thing I had said about watching it, while Phil was shaking his head. "The world isn't ready to embrace that kind of insanity."

Leila was looking down at the screen as she chewed. "Lock the door and make out," she rolled her eyes. "Let it goooo! Ugh. I don't get why people find thoughts of two guys making out so sexy. I mean.. it's just.." she flailed her arms. "You know I have nothing against gay guys, but I would ship us together before I'd ship them together.. Because at least two girls going at it would be hot. Two guys would be like.." she flailed her arms again.

I cracked up. "You just looked like Dan in that video. I can't remember which one. Nevermind. But yes, I agree with you. You know this."

"Speaking of Dan in _that _video," Leila looked up at me. "Do you remember that person in the chat mentioning.. what was it? OH! A Valentine's day video or something?" she asked. "What the hell do you think that's about? I don't remember seeing a Valentine's day video by either of them before."

"I haven't either," I replied as I picked a piece of pepperoni off of my pizza. "And Dan reacted very weirdly about it." I reached over and picked up the laptop before scrolling up in the chat. "That link has to be here somewhere. I saw several people posting it."

I scrolled for what felt like ages until I finally found it. I clicked on it and sat back to see what the big deal was. I grabbed my earphones from the table and plugged them into the laptop before handing Leila one so she could listen as well.

It looked like a normal Phil video at the beginning. It was pretty old obviously because Phil was in his room back at his parents' house. But then it started with 'Hi Dan' which was not normal.

Neither was the rest of it.

Not normal. At. All.

I didn't even bother looking over at Leila while I watched it because I knew she probably had the same look of WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK written all over her face that I did.

It ended and we just sat there completely silent still staring at the screen. We could hear Dan and Phil in Phil's room still talking in the live chat.

Meanwhile, their girlfriends were confused, terrified, and fucking CONFUSED.

"Um," I finally broke the silence and turned to look at Leila. She was still staring at the screen, her fingers covering her mouth and her eyes as big as mine. I knew it was a shock for me to hear all of that but it came out of her boyfriend's mouth.

She didn't say anything or even look at me for a long time. She just stared at the black box where the video had been playing.

"I think I'm going to be sick," she finally spoke, still not looking away from the computer. "Oh my God... Cat," she looked at the floor. "Please tell me we both just imagined that."

I was too busy trying to erase unwanted images of my boyfriend kissing her boyfriend to lie and say that we had imagined it.

"No, no, no," I said quickly, shaking my head. "Maybe, maybe it's just- ya know. Like-" I struggled for words while I tried to find a logical explanation. "There has to be a good explanation for this," I motioned towards the screen with my hand. "I don't think two dudes who are in love with each other would so willingly dive into our vaginas. Let's be realistic here," I laughed nervously. "I mean, I am dating one of the internet's trolliest trolls."

Of course Leila had to be, well, Leila, and proceed to be _logical, _going against what I had just said. "Dan is a troll-" she finally glanced up at me. "That-" she nodded towards the screen, "That wasn't Dan and that didn't look like a troll. He looked- it was like- he has talked to _me _like that before," she shook her head. "What if-" she audibly swallowed - probably vomit - "What if it's real. What if they did-" she stopped. I'm guessing she couldn't bring herself to actually say it out loud.

I turned to face her and grabbed her shoulders. "Leila, today when we trolled them we were so believable. Like Phil in that video believable." I sighed and grabbed her face. "If you puke I'm gonna kick your ass. There's an explanation for that video other than the one in your head."

I knew by the look in her eyes that my words were going in one ear and out the other so the only logical thing to do was-

"DANIEEEEEL!" I yelled. "PHIIIIL! Living room meeting A.S.A.P!"

"One sec! We're ending the show!" Dan yelled back, sounding perfectly normal.

"Cat-" Leila blinked up at me. "We weren't saying we were in love with each other," she shook her head, her eyes still as big as mine. "My boyfriend is-" her face scrunched up like she was about to cry but she didn't; she just looked at me and then jumped up off of the couch and ran down the hallway into the bathroom.

Five seconds later I heard her puking.

"Shit!" I said as I put my laptop down and got off of the couch. "Shit, shit shit," I repeated while I ran towards the hallway.

I stopped in my tracks when Dan and Phil walked out of Phil's room. Phil was looking at me and Dan was looking down the hall where the very sexy sound of Leila puking was coming from.

"What's going on?" Phil asked, looking very worried.

I didn't really know how to approach the situation. Things like that don't happen everyday. So, I just blurted it out.

"Three words," I said as I leaned against the wall in the hallway with my shoulder. "Valentine's Day video."

His eyes got huge. "Tell me you two didn't watch that."

"No, Phil. Leila is puking because she's pregnant. Yes, she watched the video," I rolled my eyes.

"Shit!" he said before pushing past Dan and heading for the bathroom. He slammed the door once he was inside which made me jump.

"Jesus Christ," Dan mumbled, his hands against his face.

"NO!" Leila shrieked. There was a loud crash followed by some kind of unidentifiable slapping sound and what I'm guessing was the sound of her feet against the floor. "GET AWAY!" the door opened again and she looked really composed considering what we had just heard. She stood there looking at me, not paying attention to the fact that Dan was even standing across from me, staring at her like she was some kind of psycho. Phil stepped out of the bathroom and Leila moved away from him and walked towards me. I thought for a second that she was going to hide behind me but she didn't, she walked into the living room, grabbed my laptop then walked into the dining room and sat it down on the table with much more force than necessary and - oh dear God, she started playing the video again, glaring down the hallway with her arms folded.

She looked mother fucking possessed.

"Okay," Dan sighed, looking at me. "This can be explained."

"Yeah you two FUCK!" Leila screamed.

Oh, best friends can be so embarrassing.

I know my eyes were bulging out of my head and I just covered my mouth with my hands as I glanced back and forth from Leila to the boys. I had never, and I mean never ever seen Leila so pissed off. I was honestly scared.

"We do not fuck!" Phil yelled back, stepping out of the hallway. "That video was made as a joke. It was a fucking prank, Leila. Much like the one you two played on us this morning?"

"It's nothing like that!" She pointed at the computer. "We said we had sex! Not that we were in love with each other! And that didn't look like a joke!" She looked at me. "Did that look like a fucking joke to you?!"  
Oh shit. I hated being in the middle like this. I truly wanted to believe them. I also didn't want to have something launched at my face for not agreeing with the possessed woman who used to be my best friend.

"Well, um," I fidgeted, running my fingers through my hair. "I mean, it was really convincing but I mean, Phil could be a super great actor, ya know?" As I was speaking I found myself inching closer to Dan in hopes that maybe he could protect me if her anger switched from them to me.

"I was acting, Leila," Phil sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I can't believe you would actually believe that I could be with you and be in love with you as deeply as I obviously am while also having feelings for him," he pointed at Dan. "It's ridiculous. That was made when the Phan rumors started and was posted as an April Fool's Day joke. People took it too seriously much like you are now and I set it as private."

Leila looked like she was trying very hard to find some argument to make her reaction valid, but it also looked like she was failing. She slapped the laptop shut then folded her arms and sat down on one of the chairs in the dining room.

"That's the explanation," Dan said quietly, probably afraid to talk too loud out of fear that Leila might throw something at him.

I could only nod in response because I was still in shock and actually afraid of the same thing.

Phil obviously had some serious balls because he quickly closed the space between them and knelt down in front of her, placing his hands on her legs. "Leila, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love you so much. I don't even feel like I could possibly come up with the right words to express exactly how much. I know you trust me. You know me so well already. I would never, ever betray you that way. Even if it had happened in my past I would have told you about it. It was a joke and I never thought anyone would see the video again. Dan and I heard it was floating around again and we just hoped it would die down. Until tonight I really hadn't given it a second thought." He reached up and cupped her cheek to turn her face and make her look at him since she was looking away. "Leila, seeing you like this kills me. Please, please believe me, baby."

Oh God. This was just heart wrenching. I felt like I was watching a soap opera live. It was a very private moment and Dan and I probably should've walked away but we just stood there watching it all unfold.  
I knew Phil loved her but hearing him speak to her that way was just- I have no words. He was amazing.

Leila's foot was tapping against the floor and she was staring at the wall as Phil spoke to her, her face all scrunched up again. She wasn't about to puke or shit herself this time though. She was about to start crying but she was fighting it. I know her. She's ridiculously hard headed but she was obviously feeling very guilty and I had seen her do this before - but never after someone had just said what might have been the sweetest thing I'd ever heard. Actually, I wondered how she would react to it. All of this was so new to both of us. Honestly, before Dan and Phil, I think the only people who cared about us as much as we cared about each other had been our parents.

"I'm sorry," she said as she wiped tears away from her eye. "It's just, the thought of you and someone else makes me sick, and that... That's how you talk to me! It seemed real, and I didn't know if it was real or not but it looked real and, and, and - I haven't ever had this kind of issue before, okay? Because I've never cared so much before and I just love you, I don't want to lose you and seeing that just - I just snapped. And I know it doesn't justify it but I just can't even handle the thought let alone seeing and hearing it and, I - I'm sorry." she was sobbing by the end of that, which was strange, because out of five years of friendship with her, I'd never seen her really break down emotionally. I'd seen her pissed off, I'd seen her scared, I'd seen her sad.. but I'd never seen her like _this_.

"No, baby. Please don't cry," Phil said as he reached up and wiped her tears away with his thumbs. "You had every right to freak out. I understand. Remember when I flipped out over the Ben Barnes photos?" He stood up and grabbed her hands before pulling her up so he could wrap his arms around her. "I love you so much."

It wasn't until I felt something hit my arm that I realized I was actually crying while watching this. Holy fuck. What happened to me? I had turned into such a pussy.

"We should go," Dan whispered, slipping his hands around my wrist and then lacing his fingers through mine, leading me down the hallway and into his bedroom. Once I was inside he shut the door and when I looked up at him I could tell that even he had been affected by the Phileila breakdown. "Are you okay?" he asked quietly, stepping towards me then raising his hand to wipe the wetness away from my face.

I looked up into his eyes and nodded. "Yeah. I've just never seen Leila like that. She was scary," I laughed. "And then hearing Phil talk to her like that," I swallowed hard and shook my head because I was feeling all emotional again. Where were all these FEELS coming from? "It just makes me happy that someone loves her the way that she should be loved and all that cheesetastic shit," I laughed.

"Phil's response to that was.." he shook his head. "I've known him for a long time and I've never seen him act like that before," he told me, laughing quietly as he slipped his arms around me. "But you should know, someone loves you just as much as he obviously loves her," Dan pressed his lips against the top of my head and pulled back to look down at me. "You know how earlier, when we both thought we were going to die?" he laughed quietly then continued, "Well, I meant what I said. I mean, I know we've only been together for a little while and that might sound insane, but it's true. I love you, so much.. You've got my tomorrow, Catherine Radley."

I stared up at him in complete shock. I mean, I knew Dan had his sweet moments and that he loved me but hearing that was just mind boggling. My heart was pounding and I'm pretty sure I wasn't even breathing anymore.

My mind wandered back to just a few weeks ago when I was back in California working a job that I hated and feeling like my life wasn't going to progress beyond that. Of course I also remembered sitting at my old apartment watching the man standing in front of me and wishing I could just be friends with him. Now he was looking at me with those beautiful brown eyes of his and telling me he'd spend the rest of his life with me.

Holy shit.

I took a deep shaky breath before throwing my arms around his shoulders and pulling myself up to him so I could press my lips against his.

As he kissed me back, I could feel him smiling against my lips. "Mmm," he chuckled quietly. "I take it you really meant what you said too then?" He asked, but didn't give me a chance to answer before he kissed me again.

"Yes," I giggled against his lips before I got too lost in his kiss.

In case you're wondering, yes, he is a really fucking wonderful kisser. Panty destroying status.

I broke the kiss to take a breath and looked up at him. "Not gonna lie though. That video scared the shit out of me for a second but I managed to convince myself it had to be some sort of trolly troll thing."

"Phil is quite the actor, isn't he?" Dan laughed. "I'm so bloody glad you didn't react like Leila did.. Jesus on a boat," he shook his head. "Your best friend can be terrifying."

I laughed and nodded. "Yes, she can be. But she's just so scared of losing him and I'm sure it's even worse because she already knows how it feels to lose him. We're not the kinds of girls who fall in love easily. When we do it's intense, obviously." I walked over to his bed and crawled onto it before lying on my back and looking over at him. "Plus, it was her boyfriend saying everything in the video so obviously her reaction was going to be far more crazy than mine," I laughed. "She went fucking nuts though! That was amazing."

Dan was laughing as he pulled his shirt over his head and then slid onto the bed beside me on his stomach. "That was not amazing, it was horrific," he said seriously as he rested his head on my cleavage. "Do you think you would have acted the same way had it been me saying all of that?"

I looked down at him as I started playing with his hair. "Probably," I laughed. "I'm not sure. I think that's one of those situations where you don't know how you'd react unless you've actually been in the situation, ya know?"

He nodded, "Yeah, but it's interesting to think about. I mean, as scary as it might be I think it'd also be a bit flattering. Well, you know, after you get over the initial shock and fear that you may lose your life," he laughed.

I laughed as well. "Awww. Did you want me to freak out like Lele did, baby? I could always slap you around and freak out a bit to make up for it now."

He rolled his eyes, "No, I didn't say that. But you slapping me around might be a bit saucy," he laughed. "I was just saying, it might have been a bit insane but it's obvious that she did it because she cares... as ridiculous as that sounds."

"The thought of losing you is enough to bring me to tears. I can't even fathom it," I sighed. "I don't even care if I sound like a psycho, obsessive person. I feel like I wouldn't even be myself anymore if I were apart from you."

"I know," Dan sighed. "Because I feel the same way. I mean, when you were gone, it was horrible, but the thought of actually losing you, and us not being-" he stopped himself. "I can't say it out loud," he said as he looked up at me. "But I don't plan on going anywhere, so long as you don't want me to."

I smiled at him and traced over his lips with my fingertips. "I don't want you to go anywhere unless it's to go grab a t-shirt of yours for me to sleep in." I grinned. "Unless I'm sleeping naked."

"Mmm. I like it when you sleep naked," he grinned, lifting his head from my chest. "First of all, it's a beautiful sight, second, it's warmer, third, well, it's a lot easier than having to undress you the next morning."

"Oooo. So I'm getting laid in the morning?" I asked, wiggling my hips beneath him.

"What mornings _don't _you get laid?" Dan asked, a smirk curving his lips. "Or afternoons?" He asked then leaned in to kiss me. "Or nights?" his lips brushed against mine again.

I laughed softly, kissing his lips in return. "Do you have any idea of how ridiculously sexy you are?"

"Maybe you could give me a hint?" He asked as his lips trailed across my jaw and onto my ear. His teeth tugged at my earlobe before his tongue brushed against it, traveling upward against it.

It felt like my entire body reacted to him just from his mouth on my skin and the sound of his voice. I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply, smiling at the familiar scent of his cologne.

I was thankful for the fact that earlier I had opted to steal a pair of his sweat pants. At the time I'd chosen them for comfort but in that moment they were great for easy access. I moved my up his back, over his shoulder and down his arm until I found his hand.

"I think I can give you a very good hint," I whispered as I slid his hand down my stomach, my hand covering his to guide it. I moved our hands beneath the sweat pants and my panties and then removed my hand from the top of his because I figured he got the hint.

Dan's hand dipped down a little further and he glanced up at me, a grin on his lips. "Wow," he almost growled, rubbing his fingers against the wetness. "That never ceases to amaze me, you know," he whispered as he leaned in to kiss me.

Though, his lips parted from mine and trailed across my jaw line and onto my neck as he slipped two fingers inside of my wet pussy and curved them forward, massaging them against my g spot as he grazed his teeth against my collarbone. His free hand tugged against the side of the sweatpants I was wearing, pulling one side of them off of my hips and down to my thighs.

"I think I should wear your pants more often," I giggled breathlessly as I helped him slide the pants down. I kicked them off of the end of the bed before sitting up and slipping off the black tank top I was wearing. I was conveniently not wearing a bra.

As soon as I'd thrown that onto the floor I grabbed his face and kissed him again. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and pulled him with me as I laid back on the bed, letting him rest between my legs without ever breaking the kiss.

It was amazing to me how he could make me want him so badly. Not just because of what he'd done to me seconds before because holy fuck, anytime he touched me like that it was like the best high I'd ever felt.

He could just look at me from across a room and all I would be able to think about would be having him inside of me, hearing the sound of his breathing and his moans against my ear.  
He was like an addiction.

As he kissed me I felt his hands roam between us and he broke away from our embrace long enough to pull his pants down - they weren't even gone when he leaned back down, his lips against mine again, and I felt him kick them away.

His dick pressed against my pussy but the sensation soon ended as he pulled away once again. He sat up on his knees to slide a condom over his shaft and put his hands on my hips, yanking me across the mattress, bringing me close to him. I watched as he slid his hands down my thighs, hooking them under my knees as he leaned down a little and put my legs over his shoulders.

Without hesitation he slid his dick inside of me and began thrusting, so hard and so fast that my tits began to bounce back and forth with the movement of our bodies bumping together.

At first I couldn't even make a sound beyond the loud gasp that flew out of my mouth when he pushed inside of me without warning. My hands gripped at the sheets and my back arched up from the mattress I tried to process all of the feelings rocking through my body so quickly.

"FUCK!" I finally screamed quite loudly followed by an even louder moan.

Shit. I hoped Leila and Phil left the apartment. I'm pretty sure I really didn't give a fuck though.

Was Dan... laughing?

I raised up so that I was propped up on my elbows which only made me moan loudly again because the slight position change somehow made him hit my g-spot even harder.

His sheets were going to be ruined.

"Are you- oh God-," I attempted to speak. "Laughing...at..me?"

My eyes travelled from his face and down his body until I got to our hips. Watching him move that way, seeing his dick slip in and out of me...holy shit. That was enough to make me cum right then.

"Not _at _you," he said, still smiling, his hips still thrusting against mine. "More so at what I do to you." A single brow was raised as he said that and his hips slid back and then crashed against mine so hard that the headboard hit the wall with a very loud thud.

Without warning he leaned in against me, causing his dick to slide in deeper and our bodies rolled across the bed. His back was against the mattress and I was on top of him, his eyes gazing up at me as his hands smoothed over my hips and around to my ass. He squeezed it before rearing both of his hands back and slapping it. "Giddy up," he wiggled his eyebrows, and believe it or not, even though it was silly, it was actually really sexy.

I tried not to but I started laughing. I leaned forward and put my hands above his head on the mattress so that I was leaning over him. "Giddy up? Really, Dan?" I asked as I rolled my hips against his out of nowhere just to catch him off guard. "Are you sure you want me in this position?" I dipped my head down and kissed the spot right below his ear. "You know that I can be a bit of a tease sometimes."

"Mmm," he mumbled, biting down on his bottom lip as I moved against him, his eyes traveling from my face down my body and back up again. "You know I can be just as much of one," he smirked, tightening his grip on my ass as he bucked his hips forcefully against mine. "And I want you especially in this position," he said, gazing up at me with an expectant look in his gorgeous brown eyes.

"I bet you do," I whispered before pressing my lips against his as I began moving my hips which made me moan into the kiss. I sat up again so I could look down at him while I moved.

While I loved it when he had control, I also loved this position. I loved being able to move slowly so I could feel every inch of him moving deep inside of me, filling me like we were made for each other.

After a couple of minutes of moving at a steady pace, I could see that look in his eyes that told me he wanted more. I leaned forward and put my hands on his chest before I began grinding my hips hard against his, forcing him as deep inside of me as he could possibly go. I was moving so hard it was actually almost painful but, fuck, it felt so good.

His grip on my ass got tighter with every one of my movements until I felt his hands release - only to slap against it so hard that the sound echoed against the walls. "Yehaw!" He moaned, laughing slightly before biting down on his bottom lip.

One of his hands slid from my ass, around my hip and to my pussy and he pressed his fingertips against my clit, rubbing firm circles against it as he watched our pelvises hit together, my pussy rolling against his cock, his hips bucking along with mine as I rode him.

He pushed himself up onto his elbow and sat up so that our chests were meshed together. He slid his hand from my ass up to the small of my back, leaning me back so that my hair fell off of my shoulders as I continued grinding against him. His tongue slid across one of my nipples before he sucked it into his mouth and looked up at me, pulling away as he did.

I moaned his name as I started moving my hips faster. "You are going to be the death of me," I whispered, looking down at him. The way he looked at me when we were intimate in any way was so disarming. It made me feel like he could see straight through me. It made me realize how vulnerable I really was with him. Just staring down at his eyes like that while feeling him inside of me made my entire body shiver and chills move over my arms and legs.

I slipped my fingers into his hair and pulled myself closer to him so I could kiss his lips. "I want you to cum with me," I whispered, my lips barely touching his.

Dan put one of his hands on the mattress to steady himself as he leaned back a bit, the other wrapping around my lower back to keep me steadied as he began pumping his hips roughly against mine. I was being bucked up and he tightened his grip on me, squeezing me, his eyes never leaving mine as his face contorted s bit, his teeth biting down on his bottom lip. I could feel his dick swell inside of me, and I knew without a doubt that he was cumming.

The screams that had been leaving my lips as he pounded into me right before he began cumming stopped abruptly when my own orgasm hit. I was frozen, my entire body tensing up as my climax hit. I knew I was pulling his hair but I couldn't unclench my fits. Every muscle in my body was so tense and fuck, it felt so good.

I finally started to come down and my entire body seemed to go limp as I gasped loudly for air. I didn't even realize I hadn't been breathing. I grabbed onto his shoulders to keep myself from falling over. My entire body was just shaking uncontrollably.

If we ever broke up, I knew for a fact that I'd probably die just from amazing orgasm withdrawal if from nothing else.

"Oh my God," I breathed, leaning my forehead against his shoulder as I tried to catch my breath.

"You," Dan panted, sounding just as breathless as me as he wrapped both of his arms around me. "Are so bloody incredible," he said against the side of my neck, his hands smoothing against my back as his hands rubbed against it.

"I happen to think the same about you, Mr. Howell," I replied as I lazily moved my fingertips up and down his soft back. "I really do love everything about you," I blurted out randomly. The orgasm was making me feel rather high. "You didn't eat dinner, by the way."

Dan pulled his head away from my neck and looked up at me. "I love you too," he smiled, then puckered his lips and pecked them against mine. As soon as I mentioned how he hadn't ate dinner, his stomach let out a growl and he started laughing. "I swear, it's like I wasn't even hungry until you mentioned that," he shook his head. "Cold pizza is worth it though," his smile curved into a smirk as he pressed his lips against mine once more.

I giggled like some sort of...girl. "My man will not be eating cold pizza," I shook my head. "I'm going to steal your t-shirt and prance my ass to the kitchen and heat it up for you," I informed him as I attempted to climb off of him which wasn't very easy with wabbly legs.

As soon as I stood up from the bed I just fell back down onto the mattress. "Whoa. Gotta get my shit together," I laughed, holding my arms out. "Okay. 1,2,3." I stood up again and made sure I was steady before walking over to wear his t-shirt he'd been wearing earlier was lying. I picked it up and slipped it over my head before pulling the chest of it up to my nose and inhaling deeply right in front of him because no fucks were given. "Fuck. You smell so damn good," I said as I exhaled loudly and rolled my eyes back.

"I'll bring your food to you," I told him as I walked to the door. I opened it and then stopped in the doorway with my back to him before nonchalantly raising the sides of the shirt up so he could see my ass. "What would you like to drink, sir?" I asked, peeking at him over my shoulder.

What the fuck had gotten into me? I was like a cat in heat.

Haha. Get it?

Dan was looking at my bare ass as I looked at him, and he seemed as if he didn't hear me at first. "Sorry," he cleared his throat, glancing back up at me. "I was just enjoying that lovely sight," he smiled, standing up off of the bed. "Water. I need to rehydrate." He wiggled his brow at me as he walked over to his bin and then to his wardrobe to find something to put over his naked body.

I had to stare at him for a few seconds. Seeing him naked was probably one of my favorite things ever. "Yeah, my boyfriend really likes my ass too," I said as I dropped the shirt. "You might know him? He makes videos on Youtube. I think his name is danisnotonfire or something," I said as I walked down the hall towards the kitchen.

Leila and Phil obviously had left because the kitchen and living room were deserted and her purse wasn't next to mine anymore. The pizza was also gone which let me know that Leila had been the awesome friend she is and put it in the fridge for me.

After warming up a few slices for him and putting them on a plate I grabbed two bottles of water from the fridge and started walking down the hallway.

Half way down the hall I started running as best I could to get to Dan's room. "Random question," I said as I walked in. "Do you ever get freaked out out of nowhere walking down the hall at night and think something is going to come up behind you and eat your soul?"

Dan started laughing as he nodded his head, "Actually.. yeah. That happens to me all the time," he said as I sat down next to him. "It happens when I'm home alone.. which is really rare these days, but you know." He shrugged as he took a piece of pizza off of the plate and took a huge bite from it. "Mmmm," he moaned dramatically, rolling his eyes in the back of his head. "Sof guvd."

After swallowing the giant bite he had taken he glanced over at me and tilted his head. "Is it just me, or has today been really fucking long?"

I laid back on the bed next to him. "It's not just you. It's been long," I agreed. "The past few days have been just weird and exhausting. I still can't believe McKenzie is a psycho person who wants to wear your skin on her birthday and that I punched Leila in the boob and that Leila went psycho and I think planned to kill Phil for a second."

"Or that the two of them made us think, for the second bloody time, that we were about to die," Dan laughed. "We need to plot revenge on them," he said seriously after taking another large bite of pizza. "And it has to be epic.. I mean really epic, to make up for both of their fucked up pranks."

"How the fuck did I forget about that part?" I laughed, remembering how fucking terrified we really were. "I don't know what we could do. It has to be dramatic though." We sat there in silence for a minute or so while Dan stuffed his face and we both thought over things we could do. "We could make them think that I'm pregnant," I laughed. "Or that we broke up. Or that we're moving to Los Angeles. I don't know. I'm not a mastermind troll like you and Leila. You two would be terrifying if y'all were dating."

Dan tilted his head, considering the options I had given him. "Hmm. The pregnancy thing wouldn't scare them, and even though I'm sure us saying we were moving to Los Angeles would make them cry, which they deserve, it wouldn't be harsh enough," he laughed. "She is good," he shook his head. "It's kind of embarrassing for me, that she and Phil have pulled the wool over my eyes two times.. Whatever we do, we're going to have to make it worse than what they did," he sighed.

"Oh, we will, baby. Don't worry about that."


	24. I'm A Fucking Christmas Tree!

**A/N: Hey guys! So here is part 1 of our special holiday chapter! We hope you enjoy. Also, this chapter is over 21,000 words - which is why we had to cut it into 3 separate chapters - so if you see many, many typos, please forgive us. I think you all know by now that we're literate. **

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**Dan's POV: **

Oh my fuck. I love Thanksgiving.

If I could actually function, I would be recording this shit for proof that it's actually happening.

Uptight Mrs. Faust was sitting on Cat's mom's lap chugging back of pint of Guinness like a bloody fish drinking water, while Lucy (Cat's mum) was rambling about how Cat's Dad, Jude, had talked her into visiting some nudist colony in Mexico once.

"Hey Dan!" Jude's voice was louder than the rest of the madness going on and I looked over to see him pointing towards me, beer in hand, while standing on a DDR mat. "Just lettin' you know that if you wanna marry my little girl, I'm cool with it."

"Daddy!" Cat squealed as she spun around on the mat next to him. The look on her face was one of pure horror but then she started grinning like the cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland.

"I'm just tellin' the boy! It's not like I get to see him often!"

"It's alright, Cat," I laughed before taking a long swig from my beer bottle. "Thanks for that though." I shot him a ridiculous fucking grin as I held my thumb up.

"PUT SOME FUCKING LIGHTS ON ME!" I heard Rick, Leila's dad yell over all of the noise. In the corner of the living room where the Christmas tree had been sitting (now it was knocked over and fallen behind the couch), stood Leila's dad, shiny red Christmas garland wrapped around his big burly body, an angel sitting on top of his head. "I'M A MOTHER FUCKING CHRISTMAS TREE!" He laughed.

Leila and Phil were both doubled over laughing, each of them holding an end to the string of lights that they were about to wrap around him.

"Holy. Shit." Cat cracked up laughing. "I've gotta get my camera!" she said as she ran out of the room and down the hallway.

"I gotta say. This is the best Christmas tree I've ever decorated," Phil said through his laughter as he stood back to examine his and Leila's masterpiece.

"Damn straight, son," Rick nodded then belched. "Now string me up and watch me glow!"

Leila moved around Phil and held the lights up, still laughing hysterically. "Spin, daddy," she said breathlessly. Mr. Faust started to spin in place and the lights swirled around him from his knees to his neck.

"I think there's a dud or somethin'," Jude commented, pointing towards the lights that weren't glowing.

"They gotta plug em in first, honey," Olivia, Leila's mom yelled, she too in the midst of a fit of giggles.

Leila did the honors and plugged the lights and the angel up and Rick's body started to glow.

"TA DA!" Leila squealed, throwing her arms out toward her dad before looking up at Phil. "BABY! We fucking rock at this!" She said excitedly as she grabbed his face and kissed him in front of everyone.

"O CHRISTMAS TREE O CHRISTMAS TREE, THE LEAVES ARE SO UNCHANGING. NOT ONLY GREEN WHEN SUMMER'S HERE, BUT ALSO WHEN IT'S COLD AND DREARRRR. O CHRISTMAS TREE - I DON'T KNOW ANY MORE WORDS TO MY SONGGGG," Leila's dad sang in his deep, drunken, southern accent.

"So beautiful, Rick!" Cat laughed as she walked back in holding her camera. I stared at her ass because she was wearing these black pants that made it look phenomenal. Holy shit. I couldn't wait to get her out of those later.  
Whoa. Calm down, Dan.

She was walking around taking photos of Leila's Dad from every angle while laughing hysterically. Phil was standing next to him actually posing with him and Leila and looking comfortable.

"CAT!" Her mom gasped. "GROUP PICTURE HONEY! Set that camera on something! Come on Liv," she said, urging Leila's mother to stand up, then steadying her when it looked like she was about to face plant onto the coffee table.

I finally stood up from the couch I had been sitting on and joined everyone else as they gathered around the tree. I mean, Leila's dad.

Olivia took her spot beside him, leaning on him to keep her from falling over, while Leila and Phil cuddled up on the other side of him. Jude and Lucy stood in front of them, and I waited for Cat before getting closer for the picture.

"I love you," I told her, laughing, still highly amused at the drastic turn of events.

She grinned up at me as she snuggled up to my side. I could tell she was highly intoxicated but she was handling it quite well. "I love you too, baby," she told me in that entirely too cute southern-y voice of hers. "Okay, y'all. Get ready. It's on the timer thingy."

"Great photographer lingo there, Cat," Phil commented, laughing.

"Shut up, butthole!" she laughed. A few seconds later the flash went off and all of the parents started clapping and yelling like it was the best thing in the world.

I could not wait to see what that photo ended up looking like.

**Earlier that day. Leila's POV: **

_BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. _

Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck.

"CAAAAAAAAAAAAT!" I screamed, jumping up from the dining room table as soon as the smoke alarm started going off. "SOMETHING IS BURNING!" I ran into the kitchen, high heels clicking against the hardwood floor, frantically searching for an oven mitt.

I found a dishtowel on the counter and pulled the oven door open and a big cloud of black smoke hit me in the face, causing me to hack all over the place.

I pulled the pan out to see that the yeast rolls we'd spend about three hours preparing were burnt.

"Melon fucker!" I groaned, waving the dish towel around, trying to fan the smoke away so the smoke alarm would shut the fuck up.  
"CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!" I yelled again as I turned around, gasping because she was standing right in front of me.

"Nooooooooo!" she whined, stomping her foot on the floor like a pissed off 5 year old. "Fuck yeast!" she yelled and I realized in that moment that she only had eyeliner on one eye and one side of her hair was curled while the other just looked batshit crazy.

"Just pop the fucking croissant thingies in there and if anyone bitches about lack of breadish foods I'm gonna shove a fucking fist full of turkey stuffing up their ass," she huffed. "I need a fucking Jack and coke. I am 600 percent done with this day already and our parents aren't even here yet."

"How do I look?" We both turned to look towards the hallway where Phil had just walked in. He was wearing a teal colored button down, the sleeves rolled up, and a pair of black pants.

"Damn, Phil. I kinda wanna do you," Cat commented and then quickly ran from me giggling before I could smack her ass which is what I was attempting to do.

He raised an eyebrow and grinned as he walked towards me. "Well, the Cat approves. Does the incredibly sexy girlfriend?"

"Of course. You look great, baby," I smiled as I fixed his collar. Then proceeded to want to kick myself in the ass because my mom did that to my dad and if there's anything I didn't want more - it was to be like her. "You'd look good in anything though.. and I prefer you in nothing but you look nice all the same," I kissed his cheek. It was amazing how he could destress me.

I then remembered the crispy yeast rolls that were sitting on the counter, so I turned around and picked the pan up with the dish towel and walked over to the bin the dispose of them. "Where's Dan?" I asked, glancing at him from over my shoulder.

"I prefer you in nothing as well but I don't think your parents would approve of us sitting at the table naked," he laughed as he began eyeing the many different dishes of foods we had sitting out on the counter. "He's in his room getting ready. I think he's already ripped everything out of his wardrobe and tried it on twice. He's freaking out even though they already love him. Is there anything I can eat now? I'm hungry," he poked his bottom lip out and initiated full cute pout mode.

I brought my finger to my lips as I sat the cooking sheet down in the sink. "Don't tell Cat," I whispered, pulling the rag off of a bowel of Cat's homemade peanut butter cookies. After Phil grabbed one of them I placed the towel back over it like it never happened and quickly walked away from it and to the counter where the croissants were sitting. "So.." I looked over at Phil as I started getting them ready for the oven, "Are you nervous?" Stupid fucking question award goes to me. I knew he was, but I figured trying to get him to talk about it might calm him down.

Or I could slip him a Xanax.

Kidding.

Maybe.

No, I'm kidding...

Dan already did.

WHAT? I can't let my boyfriend have a panic attack on Thanksgiving.

He took a bite of his cookie and shrugged. "Not really. I'm pretty calm, actually. I mean, they're just parents. They can't kill me or anything." He then moaned very sexually and pointed at the cookie.

"My hair looks like shit!" I heard Cat yell from the bathroom.

Phil looked over at me with wide eyes. "I don't think I've ever seen her like this before. She's scaring me. Can we run away? We still have time to bolt."

He was as high as a kite.

"She's just aggravated, but if you really want to leave... I can't say I wouldn't go with you," I shook my head then opened the oven to put the croissants inside of it. I stared at it as I closed the oven door. "I swear if you fucking burn these I am going to-"

"Calm the fuck down, yeah?" Dan blurted out with a laugh. "You're violent today."

"You should have heard your girlfriend talking about shoving stuffing up someone's ass then," I laughed.

"Speaking of. Where is she?" he asked. I pointed towards the hallway. "Bathroom. Probably close to ripping her hair out."

Heels came clicking down the hallway and Cat emerged looking really cute instead of the shitstorm she made herself sound like while she was screaming in the bathroom. She stopped and stared at Dan. No, she gawked at him. He was wearing black pants and a button down like Phil but his shirt was grey.

"Dammit, Dan!" she whined. "Now I'm just going to be sitting there all through this thing thinking about fucking your brains out."

Phil looked over at me and grinned. "I feel her pain."

"You want to fuck my brains out, Phil?" Dan laughed as he walked towards Cat. "You look saucy," he wiggled his eyebrows at her then leaned down to kiss her.

"Stop trying to make Phan happen, Dan. It's not going to happen, gaw," I rolled my eyes, trying to make a Mean Girls reference, which may or may not have worked. "He's talking about me," I smiled as I looked up at Phil. "And you already accomplished that this morning. Actually that could be why the rolls burnt. Shit!" I gasped, then ran towards the oven to check on the croissants I'd put in a few minutes ago. Thankfully I was right on time and they had just started to brown when I pulled them out.

"I want one!" Phil peeked over my shoulder as I pulled them out of the oven. Before I could tell him no, I felt his hand grab my ass.

Damn. Did I give the man xanax or viagra?

"Shit!" Cat blurted out. "They're gonna be here in like 10 minutes. We gotta put this stuff on the table and make it look all pretty and whatnot," she said as she rushed over to the counter to pick up some things to place on the table.  
I followed her lead and did the same, while Dan and Phil just stood there watching us. I don't think that they really understood why we were having such a fit over making sure that everything looked perfect.

Once we had the food that was already done sat up, I started gathering silverware for everyone and serving spoons and knives, sticking them inside all of the food. I had to swat Phil's hands away a few times and Cat had to do the same to Dan.

I took a second to just step back and look at the table. "This actually looks nice," I commented, glancing over at Cat. "I think they'll be proud of us. This is way better than our Thanksgiving dinners in LA," I laughed, because, as great of a cook as Cat might have been, we could never afford to do anything like this when we lived there, and even if we could, we were too busy being peasants to actually have the time for it.

"Do you guys need help with anything?" Dan asked once it was obvious that we were done.

"Nah. I think you two are doing great at your roles as trophy boyfriends," Cat winked at him as she adjusted one of the dishes.

Phil held up a hand for Dan to high five him. "Trophy boyfriends!"

"Okay, Mom just text me and said the cab driver said they're 5 minutes away. Who wants to take a shot with me?" Cat asked as she walked back into the kitchen.

I was about to let out a cry-cackle but I got sidetracked when Cat mentioned taking a shot. "You beautiful genius woman!" I said, following behind her. I grabbed four shot glasses while she grabbed the bottle of Jack. If the boys didn't want theirs then Cat and I could just take them.

I know we needed them.

"Count me in," Dan said as he walked into the kitchen and leaned against the counter behind us.

"Y'all are playing with the southern kids tonight so you will be drinking Jack," Cat said as she handed Dan and Phil their shots. She poured ours and handed me mine before holding hers up. We all followed suit. "To all of us living through this night with our sanity intact," she laughed.

"To us all getting laid after your parents leave," Phil giggled. Yes. He giggled.

"And that," Cat laughed.

"To good food," Dan shrugged, smiling.

"To-"

Knock. Knock. Knock.

What the fuck! We should have had another three minutes!

All of us looked at each other with wide eyes before clicking our glasses together and downing our shots. I quickly collected all of the shot glasses and put them away without rinsing them out.

"Just a second!" I called out.

I grabbed Cat's arm and drug her to the front door. We looked at each other and gave each other a telepathic pep talk before we both took in a deep breath and nodded.

I counted to three in my head and then twisted the doorknob and opened the door.

"My baby!" My mom cried, quickly forcing me into a hug. Jesus Christ. Hugging her back, I tried to step away from the door so that Cat's parents and my dad could step inside. "Oh honey, I missed you," she said as she pulled away only to force me into another tight hug. It wasn't really until that moment that I actually realized that I had missed her too. I mean sure she drives me insane, but she's my mother. I think that's half of a mother's job. "I missed you too," I told her, burying my face against her, sniffing her. She smelled like coffee and home.

"Oh sweetie!" Cat's Mom squealed sounding so much like Cat it was freaky and I looked over to see that they were in the same sort of hug my Mom and I were in. I peeked over her shoulder and saw my Dad and Cat's Dad just standing there watching us both with uncomfortable looks on their faces. I wondered if the had plotted on how to kill Phil and Dan together on the way over.

"Ah!" Cat's Mom let go of her and ran towards the living room. "Oh my God, Cat! He is gorgeous!" she said as she reached up and grabbed Dan's face. "And tall and wow. I would've been chasing after you back in my day."

"Yo, kid. Give me a hug!" Jude, Cat's Dad said as he walked into the apartment. Cat literally ran and jumped on him while squealing. "Daddy!" she laughed as she hugged him. "You smell good," she said as she sniffed his shirt.

"Thanks, weirdo," he laughed as he put her down. "Do they not have fried foods here? You're too damn skinny. Both of you are," he said, looking over at me and pointing but then winked.

My mom finally let go of me as she gasped and ran into the living room. "This place is so nice! And big!" she commented as she looked around. I had turned to follow her but was yanked back by the elbow and then forced into a very tight bone crushing hug from my father. "Can't forget about your old dad," he laughed, squeezing me. "Have you gotten taller, honey?" he asked, pulling away to look at me.

"It's my shoes, dad," I laughed, kicking my foot out. "I missed you," I blurted out as I looked back up at him. He smiled and patted my back. "I missed you too. Hey, where's that boyfriend of yours?" He looked around and so did I; and Phil was nowhere to be found.

Uh...

"Babe?" I called out over the chatter as I moved through the bodies that were gathered around the living room.

I noticed Cat staring at the kitchen counter and then looking around the room with her hands on her hips. "Phil Lester!" she said in a stern voice as she walked through the room and down the hall.

She opened my bedroom door and I heard him scream followed by Cat laughing. "You little fucker! I can't believe you stole the cookies. What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I was hungry!" he whined. Meanwhile, everyone was silent as they listened to what was going on.

A few seconds later they both walked out, Cat holding her half empty container of cookies and swatting the front of Phil's shirt to get crumbs off of him. "Here's your child. I mean, boyfriend," she laughed as she playfully pushed him towards me.

"Sorry," he said sheepishly as he looked down at me. Then he looked up to see my parents both looking at him and I saw a little bit of panic flash over his eyes. He cleared his throat and reached out for my Dad's hand. "It's great to finally meet you, Mr. Faust."

My dad looked down at Phil's hand and then at Phil's face before grabbing it and shaking it. I could tell by the fact that Phil's hand was turning white that my dad was squeezing it too hard. "It's nice to meet you too, Mr. Lester." My dad let out a little laugh that let me know that he was judging the shit out of Phil's last name.

My Dad kept his eyes on Phil's in a very scary way.

I had to intervene.

"Phil, meet my mother," I said, gesturing towards her. My dad finally let go of his hand, which was still outstretched for my mom to take.

"Oh honey, we're from the south, we hug when we first meet," she smiled then grabbed Phil and squeezed him.

At least she was being nice.

But I couldn't help but to think he was going to be permanently damaged from all of this.

"It's wonderful to finally meet you too," Phil said as he hugged my Mom. He seemed to relax a bit with her at least.

"How did you two manage to find such cute guys?" I heard Cat's Mom behind me and turned around to see her with her arms held out. "Give me a hug, sweetie!" she squeezed the hell out of me like my Mom had before pulling back to look at me. "England has been great to you girls. You both look so beautiful." She smiled and then looked over at Phil.

"I've heard a lot about you too," she pointed towards him before pulling him into a hug. "I hope my baby girl doesn't terrorize you too much."

"Not at all," he laughed as they pulled back from the hug. "Leila keeps her in check."

"Psh. Leila is just as bad as me and you know it," Cat laughed. "Okay, maybe not just as bad but she has her moments."

"No comment," Phil grinned at me.

"Can we eat now?" Jude whined, sounding much like Phil had been sounding all day.

"Yes, Dad," Cat laughed. "Y'all go ahead and sit wherever you want. What does everyone want to drink? We have tons of stuff. Beer, wine, Jack, vodka, tequila. Though I don't think we need liquor just yet."

Everyone answered with something different but they were all alcoholic beverages so I knew that this was definitely going to be interesting.

Phil's POV

Everything should have been terrifying. Leila's Dad actually was pretty terrifying but I couldn't be bothered to care. I didn't know why but I was just really bloody calm and really hungry.

I was seated at the end of the side of the table next to Leila but her Dad was at the end of the table next to me. I couldn't help but stare down at my silverware to memorize where the knife was in case I needed to protect myself. He was staring at me like he wanted to rip my head off and mount it on the wall.

I needed to prove that I was worthy of Leila. I knew that. I just wished I could eat first.

"How was the flight, Mr. Faust?" I asked before taking a sip of the Pimm's that Cat had just given to me. It was much stronger than usual. I made a mental note to thank her for that later.

Leila's dad was just taking his drink from Cat - which I'm pretty sure was straight Jack - as he glanced back over at me. "Long, boring, and crowded. Wouldn't have been worth the bother if it wasn't to see Leila," he said shortly, looking past me to look at her.

I was beginning to see that Leila's sweetness did not come from her father's side. "Yeah. The flights to America are always horrible. Way too long," I replied even though I'm sure I was expected to shut up since his answer to my question didn't really have pleasant undertones.

"Well I guess you won't be comin' to visit Leila then when she comes home?" he smirked, like the very thought of that made him the happiest man on the planet. "Not that'll she'll have a lot of time for you anyways, seeing as she'll be back in school."

Well. That was a punch to the gut. Or balls. Both.

I heard a fork hit a plate and looked over to see Cat staring in Leila's Dad's direction with that terrifying look in her eyes she always got when she was really mad.

I glanced over at Leila and she just looked like she was in shock or something.

Dan was staring at me and for a second I wished we had mind powers or something so I could ask him to help me escape this hell.

"I don't think this one will be comin' back home any time soon." Jude, Cat's Dad, said as he reached over and patted Cat's hand. He was at the other end of the table with Cat on one side of him and Lucy, Cat's Mom, on the other side of him. I wanted to be on their end of the table. That was the nice end of the table. The only thing good about where I was was that I was next to Leila.

Except right then she seemed to have gone into a coma or something.

"I heard about your job at People magazine, Cat," Mr. Faust smiled down at her. "Congratulations, that's quite an accomplishment for someone so young... And quite a livin' for someone who didn't go to school."

From the corner of my eye I saw Leila throw her head back, finishing off the drink she'd only gotten a few minutes ago.

"It is indeed," Mrs. Faust spoke up, she too looking in Cat's direction. "We're very proud of you, honey."

Cat cleared her throat. Oh God.

"Thank you," she smiled over at him as she picked up her drink. "And yes, it is a pretty big accomplishment for someone who didn't go to school but some of us were blessed with talents that we don't need training for. Just like Leila with her writing. I think that is better than any degree which is really just a piece of paper some random asshole signed saying you should get paid 60 grand a year. I'm pretty sure Leila has over that sitting in her bank account right now. If I were her I'd take the idea of going to school and wipe my ass with it."

Oh my God. Sorry, Dan. Cat is my new best friend.

She pushed her chair back and stood up before downing the rest of her drink. "Anyone else need a refill?"

Leila's hand shot into the air but she didn't wait for Cat to take her glass, she just pushed her chair back and stood up, joining her.

Mr. Faust finished his drink and handed the glass to Leila as she walked by him. "To each their own," he commented towards Cat. "But that type of work doesn't keep a steady income, and when you're young, you don't see the big picture," he turned his attention back to the table, and then me. "You think about mindless things. Like boys."

Okay. That was it.

"I hope she doesn't think about boys," I said as I laid my fork back down because I had definitely been taking bites of things. I was still hungry. "Seeing as though she already has a _man_who loves her and would do anything for her."

I heard Cat giggle in the kitchen and looked up to see her and Leila looking at me. They turned their attention away from me. Cat whispered something to Leila and then kissed her cheek. That must have been a pep talk.

"We do see the big picture," Cat said as she walked in. "We have savings accounts and back up plans. But we also have dreams which have been coming true. How many people can say that in life? And had we stayed in college none of this would've happened and we'd be miserable. We have our dream jobs and we're in love with two guys who I can't even begin to explain how amazing they are. Just be happy for your daughter instead of pissing her off by being mean to the person she loves."

She sat his drink down in front of him and patted his shoulder. "You're better than this, Mr. Rick."

"Love?" Rick laughed, glancing from Cat to Leila as he picked up his drink again. "The two of you are too young to know anything about _being in love_," he rolled his eyes. "You should both be focusing on yourselves and your futures and not some little boys who aren't going to be around this time next year. Hell, who might not be around a month from now." He was looking directly at Leila as he said the latter, then took a swig from his cup. "You don't need to ruin your life over what you _think _is love, honey."

Holy shit. I knew that this day could turn out bad but this was beyond bad. This was a fucking horror film.

"No offense, Mr. Faust, but I don't think that there is a certain age you have to get to before you realize what true love is. Most people are married by this age." I spoke calmly but I was livid. Everyone around the table was so quiet.

Hello, welcome to the most awkward dinner ever. Feel free to stab yourself or get incredibly intoxicated.

Mr. Faust stared at me for a long time before he started laughing. "That might be true, son. But there are certain qualifications you might want to have before you go thinkin' about lovin' someone. The simplest for you would be a job. You can't support-"

"That's enough!" Leila growled, slamming her empty cup down on the table.

Oh no. She had that ragey look in her eyes. I knew that look. I had seen it twice. The first time in California when that girl had kissed me and the second time when she saw that video of me 'confessing my love for Dan.'

"First off, you married mom when you were what, seventeen? So Phil is right, or you're a fucking hypocrite. And if we're being honest here, you didn't have shit to offer her. You didn't even graduate high school, and you two lived with Grandma for how long?" She paused but didn't give him a chance to say anything. "That's not even the point, but I thought I would just throw it out there since you seem so interested in doing it to me and Phil because we aren't in school or working basic ass peasant jobs... I am focusing on myself and my future and as much as you might not like it, Phil is going to be apart of it. And for you to say that he won't be around in a year, or even a month? That is complete shit and a fucked up thing to say to your daughter. He loves me, and I love him and he has been there for me through so much and I know he'll be there for me through so much more. He could have left when he thought I was pregnant, that would have been a great time to leave, but he didn't. You want to know why, dad? Because he loves me! So don't you even try to fucking say that he doesn't. You don't know him and obviously, you don't know me either."

Holy.  
Shit.  
Bloody.  
Hell.

Did she seriously just mention the pregnancy scare?  
The look of pure shock and horror on everyone's faces said that she had.

I placed my left hand over the handle of the knife while my right was busy pouring the rest of my drink down my throat.

I made sure to enjoy it because I figured that I was about to die.

"Leila, honey?" her Mom spoke up, her voice sounding a bit timid. "Did you just say something about a pregnancy? How on earth could you just not tell me a thing like that?" She put her hand over her heart and shook her head. "Aww. I could've had a grandbaby. You're young but, oh that would be so wonderful!"

Was I in the twilight zone?

"Hey Dan." I looked over when I heard Cat's Dad whisper, leaning over the table towards where Dan was sitting. Dan leaned towards him as well, a confused expression on his face. "You have a good supply of condoms?"

Dan, who had remained quiet through all of this let out a choked-laugh before clamping his hand over his mouth, pretending to cough before clearing his throat. "Yes sir," he nodded. He looked like he was trying very hard not to laugh, because Mr. Faust was giving everyone at the table a very unhappy expression.

I wasn't dead yet so I decided to give my food some attention. I wasn't about to let my girls' work go to waste. "Cat, this green bean casserole stuff is amazing," I blurted out. It was such a random thing to say during such a serious conversation but we were having Thanksgiving dinner. Not judge the shit out of Phil and Leila dinner.

"Thanks Philertons," she smiled over at me and then rolled her eyes dramatically. By her doing that, I knew that she was silently telling me that everything going on right then was ridiculous.

I looked over at Leila and moved my left hand off of my defense utensil to reach down where her hand was resting on her thigh. I took it in mine, instantly feeling some comfort, and I brought it up to my lips to kiss her knuckles. It was something I did out of habit and I normally probably wouldn't have done it in front of her parents but I needed to give her some sort of comfort.

Jude cleared his throat loudly and everyone at the table looked over at him. He was looking down the table at Rick. "Rick, I'm not tryin' to get in your business," he told him, talking with his hands sort of like Cat did a lot. "But neither of us have sons and we ain't gettin' these women pregnant again and raising another one," he laughed. "So, I think you need to take advantage of the opportunity to have the son you never got. If you act like this towards Leila you're gonna push her away. Why not just accept it for what it is and get to know the boy? Leila ain't stupid. She's got a good head on her shoulders. She's not gonna be with a pussy," he laughed. "Plus, we both know our girls aren't exactly delicate little flowers. I'd put money on the fact that they could easily beat the hell out of both of these guys. No offense," he said, looking from me to Dan but we were both smiling because he was right.

"This food is too damn good, our kids are too amazing, and there's too much liquor here for this kind of bullshit to be going on so why don't we just have a good time, hm?" he finished, raising an eyebrow like he was challenging him.

Oh shit. I hope they don't fight now. That'd be like two man versions of Cat and Leila fighting.

Mr. Faust glanced away from Jude and looked at me. Oh shit, he was looking at me. Don't look away. Whew, okay, he looked away first. "You're right," he nodded looking at Jude again. "Anyone need another drink?" he asked, pushing his chair out, glancing around the table.

Cat, Leila, their Moms and Dan raised their hands. I don't know what gave me the courage to do it but I pushed my chair out as well. "I'll help you," I told him as I stood up with my own empty glass.

He looked surprised but tilted his head towards the kitchen as he picked up Olivia's cup, then walked over towards Lucy to grab her cup as well.

Leila looked between us and I could see a bit of worry in her eyes but she didn't say anything as she handed me her glass. "Is there anything cooking?" Leila finally spoke up, glancing down the table at Cat. "Or anything in the kitchen that needs to be checked on?"

Why did I get the feeling that she just wanted someone to watch us and make sure that the only thing getting knives driven into it was the turkey?

I leaned over and kissed the top of Leila's head as I grabbed her empty glass. "Don't worry," I whispered before following behind her father to go to the kitchen. The drinks were lined up along the counter by the sink so we had to stand pretty close to make them.

I felt like I needed to say something but I didn't know what. But I had to say something.

"I really do love her," I told him as I poured some Jack into a glass. "I'd never let anything bad happen to her. She's everything to me."

"So do I," Mr. Faust said, glancing over at me but quickly looking back at the bottles in front of him. "She's my little girl, I want the best for her. I can't get her to see it, but nothin' or no one will ever be good enough," he told me as he mixed up his wife's drink. "Maybe you'll understand if you ever have a daughter."

"I understand where you're coming from. Well, I know I don't fully understand but my kids aren't even being planned yet and I'm already worried about idiots trying to date my daughter if I have one," I laughed. "But I'm willing to do my best to be good enough. She's worth it. She deserves the best. Better than that. I feel lucky to have her."

I couldn't believe I was pouring my heart out so freely to this guy. I don't think I've ever even talked about something like this to my own father. Of course, I've never loved someone like I love Leila.

"You are lucky, son," he replied. "And you're right, she does deserve the best. I guess I'm not used to not bein' able to judge what's best for her anymore but," he shrugged. "I still try to. I thought I'd be the one man who couldn't hurt her but I think I screwed that up," he shook his head and looked at me again. "Maybe you can be that man, hm?" he raised his brow. "Don't hurt her, son."

I couldn't believe it but I actually felt bad for him. He felt like he'd screwed up because he hurt her. I couldn't even imagine how I felt if I ever hurt her and I'd only loved her for a few months. He'd loved her her whole life.

"She loves you, Mr. Faust," I said as I finished up the last drink I was making. "I think seeing you and I have a genuine conversation without be being terrified and you looking at me like you're going to murder me and fly back home with my body parts in a duffel will probably make up for it if you did hurt her."

He started laughing as he gathered the drinks in his hands. "I just can't stand the thought is all. It's hard.. I'm sure you know, havin' someone you love so much have ill feelings towards you when you're just lookin' out for them," he shrugged. "I'd never kill you though. I'd get my people to do it for me," he winked. "I'm kidding," he added as he began making his way in towards the dining room, stopping to look at me from over his shoulder. "And Phil, call me Rick."


	25. Pass The Pecker

**A/N: And here is part 2! Enjoy **

* * *

Cat's POV

I knew that this dinner could go badly. In fact I had prepared myself mentally for it to but this. This was a tragic shitstorm of bullshittery.

I felt so bad for Leila and Phil which is why I had opened my big mouth and got all sassy with Rick. He was being ridiculous and it was pissing me off really bad.

But now I was staring at Phil and Rick in the kitchen and they were talking. Like, really talking and- wait- were they laughing? Holy shit, they were.

HALLELUJAH.

They walked around the table giving us our drinks and sat back down. All of us were staring at them like they were aliens. Especially Leila. Phil leaned over and kissed her cheek. She looked at her Dad and he just gave her a smile and nodded like he was telling her everything was alright.

Could this Thanksgiving actually be salvaged? It was looking like it.

"Girls, this food is just amazing," my Mom told Leila and I as she pointed at her plate with her fork. "Everything is so good. I'm so proud."

"Thanks Mama," I smiled at her. "I learned from the best."

"Damn skippy," my Dad added. "I have to walk two miles a day to keep from having one of those guts that covers your junk."

I facepalmed myself and cracked up laughing. "Daddy, _please_ don't talk about your junk!"

He laughed. "Sweetie, I hate to tell you but I do have junk. That's why you're alive."

"He has nice junk too," my mother added. I suddenly realized that I truly was a product of these two people. I wonder if Dan and Phil were now figuring out why I was a totally perverted spaz.

"That's wonderful, Mama. Thank you for sharing," I laughed, shaking my head.

"Our girls act like we weren't young once," Leila's mom cleared her throat after she took a gulp of her wine. "I mean, Jude's right, ya'll had to get here somehow. Leila is proof that practice makes perfect," she flashed a grin over at Lele, who was shaking her head, and actually laughing despite her blow up earlier.

"That's true," my Mom nodded. "Though it didn't take too much practice to create Cat. It took 2 bottles of champagne and a whole lot of not caring about anything except for practice on the night of our wedding, actually," she laughed.

"I so enjoy hearing about my parents sexual adventures," I said before taking a long sip of my drink. "How about you, Lele?" I asked her, laughing. Honestly, it didn't really bother me but it was amusing to pick on them for openly discussing it.

"Oh, I love it," she nodded. "Do you guys want to swap stories next or?" Leila proposed, pointing between them.

"I don't think that's necessary, honey," her father spoke up, his face turning red.

"Me either," Phil spoke up.

"Oh, don't be such prudes! We're all adults here. These kids make me feel young again," my Mom sighed, smiling at me. "Oh! Speaking of stories. I have one," she took a sip of her drink and moved around on her chair, sitting up straighter to prepare to tell the story. I was a little scared. "So, before I met Jude I was dating this guy. He was very sweet but boring as a stump," she rolled her eyes. "And I just wanted to have sex. I was a virgin and I wanted to get that out of the way. I guess I wasn't like those girls who cared about that sort of thing? But I was almost 18 and I was sick of being one so, anyway. Me and this guy decide to go for it and holy hell. It was horrible!" she laughed.

"Why was it horrible?" Phil leaned forward and asked, seeming genuinely interested in the story. In fact, as I looked around the table I noticed everyone did.

Thanks, alcohol.

"Well, he wasn't a virgin so he knew what he was doing but his dick!" she yelled the word 'dick' and her eyes got big. "It was crooked! I mean, crooked, crooked. Like Captain Hook's hook crooked." She started laughing hard and I realized for the first time that I sounded just like my Mom when I laughed. "I felt like my uterus was getting harpooned! I was scarred mentally for a long time. Poor Jude. It took him forever to get anything out of me."

"No Captain Hook dick over here," Dad pointed at himself looking quite proud.

"Captain Hook dick," I repeated as I started laughing really hard. "Holy shit. That is amazing."

Everyone around the table was laughing, but Leila's mom definitely the loudest out of all of us. "Oh honey, that sounds horrible! I don't think I could ever bounce back from that," she shook her head. "Although, the first time Rick and I... _got together_ it was so bad."

Everyone's attention seemed to shift to Leila's dad, who looked even more embarrassed than before. "Hey now," he held his hands up. "Let her tell the story before you guys go thinkin' that I'm a horrible lay."

"Oh," Leila's mom covered her mouth just like Leila does as she laughed. "It's not a bad story about him! Oh no, he was amazing," she nodded. "We were in his bedroom at his momma's house and we were gettin' ready for it, you know, kissin' and carryin' on and we both kept hearing this strange noise.. I can't even explain the sound it was so.." she shook her head. "Anyways, we start to go at it and the noise just gets louder. Of course it didn't last that long, no offense honey but you're definitely in your prime now," she laughed. "So by the time that Ri- I mean we finished, we realized the sound was coming from his closet, so he gets up, naked as the day he was born and creeps over to the closet and opens one of the doors to see his little brother," she paused and glanced over at Liela, "Leila's uncle Preston... you know, rubbin' one off in there!" she shook her head, laughing. "He was only about 10 years old at the time, and he had just been watching us, and oh honey you can't ever tell him about this, he'll freak out," she said seriously because laughing again.

"Oh, don't worry," Leila saluted her. "I'll never be mentioning that story again."

"I swear I'll never forget that sound, or the look on his face. I wish I could describe it."

"Fap?" Dan laughed. "Fap fap fap fap?"

Her mother gasped and slammed her hands down on the table. "Yes! That is exactly what it sounded like!"

I don't think I have ever seen my boyfriend laugh as hard as he was laughing. His cute little dimple was showing and it made me want to just lean over and kiss it.

"That is the best story ever," Phil managed to say through his own laughter.

My Mom had completely lost her shit and Dad had too. There were tears streaming down his face he was laughing so hard.

I don't know what the hell made me do it. I guess since the ice had been broken I figured it would be fine to say whatever.

"Dan, why don't you tell them our interesting little story?" I grinned at him.

"About how we met?" Dan asked

"Well, that is an interesting story but I'm talking about the other story," I raised an eyebrow, knowing he had to remember.

"Ohhh," Dan instantly started laughing then shook his head. "Okay," he nodded, looking around at everyone. "So Cat and I had gone out on our first real date that night and it went really, really well. I wasn't really expecting anything to happen, you know, but she ended up staying at my place that night," he explained, pausing to take a sip of his Pimm's. "She ended up waking up at about five o'clock that morning, I have no idea why, but she ended up waking me up too and," he cleared his throat. "Well we, you know, got saucy, and it ended up being a little... _loud._ What I was unaware of though, was that Phil and Leila were both awake for this... So once we were finished, we heard this banging on the wall from Phil's room followed by complete insanity," Dan started laughing and had a take a second to collect himself before continuing. "Phil was screaming something but what really got me was Leila-" he shook his head and looked over at her before looking around the table again. "What was it? Oh! 'Phil! plunge my ass!'" he started cracking up again. "And of course something completely horrific about a cactus being inserted into her bum. I didn't know what to think until she said that. Then I knew that they had heard everything and were giving us a _really _hard time over it."

Everyone was laughing again, thankfully. I didn't really think until he got to the part where he said we had sex after the first date that maybe we shouldn't be sharing our adventures.

"Honey, you had sex with him after the first date?" my Mom asked as she wiped tears from the corners of her eyes. Oh wow. I feel like a whore. "How did you even last through the date? Look at him!" she motioned towards him with her hand.  
Nevermind.

I looked over at him and laughed. "I really do not know, Mama. I must have some serious self control."

"I'm gettin' a little worried here," my Dad told my Mom. "I think I better watch you around my boy Daniel."

My boy.  
It was so cute to hear Dad say that.  
I wondered what Dan thought of it.

"Oh Jude. You know I'm just playin'. Well, I mean, he is extremely gorgeous. I'm not pickin' about that but you're the only one I want. I promise," she winked at him before taking a sip of my drink. "You're the only one that I'd let plunge my ass."

"Oh my God!" Phil cracked up quite loudly. "I now know how Cat became the way she is," he managed to say through his laughter.

"Yep," my Dad nodded. "These two in the same house," he shook his head. "You better be prepared for hearing some crazy and funny shit. Never a dull moment."

Leila's mom cleared her throat after she finally recovered from hearing Dan's story. "Look at you two," she shook her head, and I noticed she was looking between Phil and Leila. "Sitting over there looking all innocent when you were the ones who had the pregnancy scare! Come on, share a story! Tell us about how we almost had a grandbaby!"

Leila suddenly looked a lot less amused as she shifted her eyes around the table to see everyone looking at her with the exception of her dad, who was looking awkwardly at his empty glass before he pushed his chair out. "Excuse me, I'm going to find the bathroom," he said, clearing his throat.

"I think Rick is permanently damaged and he didn't even hear anything," I laughed as I watched him walk down the hall towards the bathroom.

"I'm glad he left," Leila laughed as she picked up her glass and took a long drink from it before sitting it back down. "Because I don't think she's going to let this go," she said, looking from me to her Mom.

Olivia shook her head. "Nope," she smiled, then glanced over at Phil. "Come on, bedroom eyes, what are you two keeping from us?"

"Ummm," Phil looked like a deer in headlights and I swear he was blushing. It was so cute. "Well, uh," he laughed nervously and adjusted his hair a bit like he did when he was nervous. "We got sort of um, carried away one night and I forgot to use a condom. I know. It was stupid."

"Hey, it happens. We're not crucifying you for it," my Dad spoke up, smiling at him and Phil seemed to relax a bit.

"Well, then Leila went and got the um. What's it called?" he asked Leila. "Maybe you should finish the story, sweetheart."

"Oh my heavens!" my Mom threw her hands in the air and looked at me. "How do you two handle those accents?"

I laughed. "Not very well, obviously," I replied referring to the forgetting of a condom.

From the look on Leila's face, I didn't think she was too into telling the story so I rescued her. "Basically, Leila got the plan B pill then she flipped out because she realized she loved Phil. She came back here and they weren't speaking for a while. Then she realized she was late and she took a test which said she was pregnant and that happened to be the day I flew back here to surprise everyone," I laughed. "And Leila puked all over me. So we took her to the doctor, they did their tests, blah blah. Leila starts bleeding a few days later so we think she's like miscarrying so we go to the doctor and find out she's not pregnant and she had just started her period."

"Oh wow. I bet you shit yourself when you took that test though. I've heard of people getting false positives," my Mom told her.

"It came out of the other end," Leila laughed. "I puked so much that day and more or less had a nervous breakdown on Phil," she glanced over at him. "It's weird to say but that was one of the worst days ever, but one of the best too, because Cat came back and Phil and I made up. I wouldn't have gotten through any of that without them.. Or Dan," she leaned over the table and smiled at him.

I couldn't help but smile when she added Dan to that. "Yeah, along with getting boyfriends we both got new best friends too." I looked down the table at Phil and he nodded.

"Yes. I think we got awesome deals out of it," he replied.

"You're all like a little family away from your families!" Leila's Mom spoke up. "That's so good to have since you girls are so far from home."

"Hey Dan!" Rick called out and we all exchanged confused glances. "Someone named McKenzie is here for you."

What. The. Fuck?  
"Tell me he did not just say that McKenzie is here for you," I told Dan as I was pushing my chair back to stand.

Leila was doing the same thing as I was, and Dan was looking between us with an expression of shock on his face.

"Who is McKenzie?" Leila's mom asked. "Is she another friend of yours, honey? Invite her in, Rick!"

"No!" Dan, Leila, Phil, and I all said at the same time.

My parents and Leila's Mom looked between us, appearing to be very, very confused.

"Cat..." Leila warned, shaking her head as she stood up. Dan was already walking around the table only to be met with Rick and McKenzie where the living room met with the dining room.

I heard Leila and she knew how livid I was. But in my head I vowed to remain calm. Even though the sight of her was making me want to pick up the turkey carving knife and chop off that perfect blonde hair of hers so I could ram it down her stupid little throat.

I gripped the top of my chair to keep myself from moving because I wasn't sure if I would charge at her like a psycho football player.  
"McKenzie," I forced a smile and I know I sounded fake. She would be the only one in the room who didn't realize it though. "Did you need something?"

Other than medication and my foot up your ass.

She stepped forward into the dining room, glancing up at Dan as she rounded the corner. Her eyes got really big when she saw all of the people sitting around the table, specifically Leila, who she probably thought I had already murdered for 'loving to fuck around' with my boyfriend.

"I just wanted to stop by and wish my fellow Americans a happy Thanksgiving," she smiled, holding out a pie that was probably poisoned. "I had no idea you guys had family over. Are these Dan and Phil's parents?" she asked, obviously missing the fact that Rick had an American accent.

I made no move to take that pie. I didn't trust my hands yet. "No, actually. They're mine and Leila's parents. They flew in to celebrate with us," I told her as I looked behind me at my Mom who looked incredibly confused because I'm sure she could see the rage in my eyes. "Thanks for the pie." Another fake smile. I should be an actress.

"You're welcome," she grinned. "Well I don't to impose, since you guys are with your families," she said, sitting the pie down on the counter. "So I'll just go."

"Nonsense!" Leila's mom waved her hand in front of her face. "Come on honey, it's Thanksgiving, we're all family here," she told her, gesturing for her to join us at the table.

"Mom-" Leila began, and I knew she was about to say something about the fact that her mother had just invited the psycho to eat with us, but the look on her mother's face stepped her. "You're so kind," she forced a smile as she sat back down.

Dan walked over to me and brushed a kiss against my cheek before whispering against my ear. "Stay calm, please," he pulled away and looked into my eyes and he brushed his thumb over my cheek before taking his seat again.

Of course McKenzie didn't object any further, and took the only empty spot at the table, which happened to be right beside Dan.

Before I saw her sit there I had been a bit more calm. It was sort of like Dan had been my xanax for all of 2 seconds. Now I was even more pissed than before.

I took my seat again and pushed my plate away from myself before picking up my drink and chugging the rest of it.

"Cat," Phil spoke up and I looked down the table at him. "Do you need some more?"

"God, yes," I said as he stood up from his chair. I handed him my glass and smiled up at him. It was weird yet awesome that apparently Phil was starting to be able to read me and I think Dan could read Leila as well.

"So, McKenzie, where are you from?" my Mom asked. I had to concentrate really hard on not turning to tell my mother not to speak to the psychotic, manipulative bitch at the table. Just when I thought Thanksgiving was awesome she had to come along and piss me the fuck off.

"I'm from Chicago," she said happily as she started helping herself to the food that Leila and I had spent hours slaving over.

That only pissed me off more.

"What are you doing in London?" Leila's Mom asked curiously.

Trying to manipulate people.

"I'm studying abroad, fashion design," she answered before anyone could ask. "Speaking of," she turned her attention to Dan, "You never came by my apartment to look at the t-shirt designs I made for you!"

Dan didn't even look at her as he chewed up a piece of turkey, "Been busy, sex with Cat is time consuming," he glanced at me and winked.

I bit down on my bottom lip to keep from laughing but then my Dad choked on the sip of drink he'd just taken and I had to laugh. "Very time consuming," I added, grinning at him as Phil handed me my new drink. "Thanks," I smiled up at him.

"Plus the four of us have been hanging out a lot more," I had to add that since she tried to destroy the foursome. "We did a live show together earlier this week. It was awesome."

"It was amazing," Leila butted in before McKenzie could say anything. "We've been having a lot of fun together," she smiled, glancing over at her. "I mean, especially Dan and I. We've been fucking around so much! I don't know how we've had time to sleep!"

It was my turn to get choked on my drink. My Mom started smacking my back. "Damn, sweetheart!" she laughed. Obviously she thought Leila was joking. Well, she was but Mom didn't know why she said it.

My Dad was staring at Leila like she'd lost her mind though and Rick looked like he was ready to run away. Phil was covering his mouth with his hand to keep from laughing.  
"Did you just say what I thought you said, sweetie?" Leila's Mom asked, sounding really, really confused.

"Yeah. Leila fucks Dan behind my back a lot. I'm not supposed to know about it though," I shrugged like that wasn't a big deal.

Her mother looked just as confused as my mother did.

"Oh guys, don't take that out of context," Leila laughed. "When I say I mess around with Dan, I just mean that he and I have a lot of S's and G's together, not that we're having sex! Oh gosh, I really hope Dan doesn't have a camera set up recording me right now. The Phandom would explode if they thought I was cheating on Phil," she shook her head.

Dan slapped his hand over his face but not even that could hide the fact that he was smiling and trying very hard not to explode with laughter over the fact that the two of us were calling McKenzie out in front of everyone.

Our mothers looked a bit more comfortable with her explanation, but still mildly confused as to why we were even saying all of this.

"Dan will you pass the pecker. I mean the pepper," Leila said out of nowhere.

"Leila!" Her mother gasped, her eyes wide.

Dan couldn't hold it back any longer and he burst out laughing, shaking his head as he handed Leila the pepper shaker.

I had been doing really well at holding my shit together but when I saw Dan laughing, I lost it. "Oh fuck," I said as I threw my head back and straight up cackle laughed.

"Oh my gosh, Dan!" I managed to straighten my face up somewhat as I looked over at him. "I can't believe you just passed your pecker to Leila in front of me!"

"Oh Cat, you know I'm horny for that pecker. It can be denied and I can't even try to hide it from you any longer." Leila sounded so serious when she said that.

"Leila Faust!" Her mother gasped. "What has gotten into you! That is your best friend's boyfriend!"

"In Leila's defense, she's my best friend's girlfriend, and my girlfriend's best friend," Dan managed to say as he continued to laugh.

My Dad cleared his throat. "Uh, Rick. You wanna go binge drink in the kitchen?"

Rick nodded quickly as he pushed his chair back but before he could stand -

"WHAT THE FUCK!" McKenzie screamed and my dad and Leila's froze in place and all of us looked at her like she'd just gone insane.

Well, she already was insane, but she was showing it now.

"Seriously! What the fuck is your guys' problem? And Dan-" she whipped her head to the side and looked up at him. "What do you even see in her?!" she yelled. "Seriously, you deserve SO much better than Cat. Do you hear the way she's making all of these joke about you and her best friend?! It's disgusting!" she shrieked. "It's SO obvious that she doesn't even care about you!"

Rage. So much rage. Like, murderous rage. I could feel my entire body go red but from how fucking livid I was.

"Excuse you?!" my Mom spoke up using her scary Mama bear voice.

I pushed my chair back so hard when I stood up it fell backwards. "You," I pointed towards her. "You just fucked up big time, little girl. Who the fuck do you think you are?" I was screaming very loud at this point and I know my finger was shaking as I pointed towards her. "You come in my house in front of my parents and say that shit to the man that I love? Do you think you're better? Because, honey, if you were it'd be your pussy he was eating at night and not mine."

That was vulgar but I had to rub it in.

"You know what? Fuck this," I said as I began walking around the side of the table but Leila's Dad pretty much closelined me before I could get to her and he wrapped his arms around me to keep me from moving.

"Catherine, go somewhere and calm down," my Mom said as she stood up and walked towards us.

"No!" I screamed. "I am going to-"

"You're better than this. She's not worth it." She spoke calmly as she walked up to me. "Go. We'll deal with her."

Before I could say anything else, Rick was pulling me down the hall but I was staring at that little bitch the whole way like somehow I could use my eyeballs to punch her in the face.

He opened the bathroom door and placed me inside. "Cat, just calm down. We'll take care of that little bitch. Alright?"

I took a deep breath and nodded. "Okay." He closed the door and I immediately pressed my ear against it so I could hear what was going down.

There was suddenly a lot of yelling from the dining room; I could hear Leila saying something that included the words 'common cunt' and 'basic bitch' followed by her father telling her to stop whatever it was that she was doing. My mom was yelling but I couldn't hear what she was saying.

"HEY!" Woah, that was Dan.

Silence.

"I am seriously one of the nicest guys that I bloody know, but you have pushed me far over the fucking edge here. First you try to ruin my relationship with the woman that I'm in love with and now you're here trying to tell _me _how I deserve better? There is no better. Do you understand that or do I need to write it down for you?" he asked.

Silence.

"If it hadn't been Thanksgiving, and her parents hadn't been here I honestly would have let her tear into you so maybe then you would step the fuck back. But since she couldn't, and it hasn't been said out loud yet, let me just say, I am not interested. At all. At this point I would rather have Phil plunge my ass while I deepthroat his cactus. No - no - I don't care what you have to say, I'm sorry, I'm not sorry, I do not have a single fuck to give you right now. I'm done. This conversation is over, now if you could please leave, so we can try to sal- go ahead and tell them that I'm an asshole! Maybe you're recording this too for proof of it, I don't give a fuck! Seriously Phil, shut up! I don't give a fuck what she says to anyone. Yeah, I said it, now leave!"

I was giggling like a fucking idiot. My boyfriend was amazing.  
And hearing him yell like that made me want to pounce his ass.  
Too much alcohol.  
I wish I could've seen it all.

There was a knock on the door and I quickly stepped away from it just as it was swinging open. It was my hot fucking boyfriend, looking about 90 times hotter than usual because he was so fucking pissed off. "Are you okay?" He sounded very agitated but I knew that he didn't mean it towards me. "I can't believe she did that," he shook his head. "I took care of it. I don't think we'll be seeing much of her again."

I just stared up at him with my hands on my hips for a while. I heard everything he said and I cared, really, I did. But I was very sidetracked by how he looked and sounded and the fact that he had gotten so angry because he cared that much about me. The only other people who cared about me that much were in the dining room or wherever most likely wondering what the actual fuck had just happened.

He was staring down at me obviously expecting me to answer him. Instead I reached out and grabbed the front of his shirt to pull him towards me before I stood on my tip toes to kiss him. No, not a peck. I mean like a we're in the middle of having sex and this kiss is super intense kind of kiss. I couldn't stop myself. I'd already wanted to do that when I saw him wearing that damn sexy outfit.

He slipped his arms around my waist, pulling me against him roughly as he kissed me back with just as much intensity as I had given him.

I pulled back some time later to catch my breath and I looked up at him. "Sorry," I laughed. "I do not know why but I had to do that."

He smiled at me. "No need to apologize," he told me. "I think we both needed that."

"Actually," I spoked as I turned towards the mirror to make sure my make up and hair still looked decent. "I think I need a hard fuck with multiple orgasms but hey, I'll take what I can get," I turned back to face him and smiled. "I seriously cannot believe she said all  
of that."

"You know, I could go for the same thing, but considering your parents are down the hall and we already discussed how loud you are, we should probably put that off, hmm?" he laughed. "I feel like that didn't even happen. Seriously, what the fuck," Dan shook his head, looking so very mind fucked. "She has some nerve and obviously some balls to come into your flat popping off with some shit like that."

I rubbed my temple because I was feeling a serious stress headache coming on. "And the things she said," I shook my head. It was stupid to let her get to me. Her opinions mattered about as much as a fart. "About me not being good enough for you and stuff. That was just a low blow."

"Hey," he tilted his head as he stepped towards me and brushed his thumb across my cheek. "She doesn't know what she's talking about. You're way too good for me on every level possible. You're beautiful, smart, hilarious, an amazing cook, an amazing lay.." he laughed. "I know you didn't want to hear anything she said, I didn't want to hear it, but none of it's actually true. I couldn't imagine finding anyone _better _than you, Cat."

Seriously? Could he get any more amazing?

I practically threw myself at him and hugged him tightly. "I love you so much," I whispered against his neck before kissing it. I pulled back to look up at him. "I heard everything you said to her, by the way," I laughed. "That was pretty fucking amazing."

"Catherine! Time to cheer up and have a good Thanksgiving! The crazy girl left," my Mom called out in a sing song voice which made me crack up laughing.

Dan leaned in to kiss me, "I love you too," his lips curved into a smile against mine as he pecked them again. "Come on, let's go finish eating dinner and drink some more. Maybe your mom will share some more sex stories," he laughed, grabbing my hand and leading me back into the dining room.

Everyone was sitting around the table looking up at us as we made our way back to our seats. My dad and Rick were glancing from me and Dan back to eachother like they were exchanging words mentally and my Mom offered me a drink as soon as I sat down.

I took the drink from my Mom while eyeing my Dad and Rick. "What are y'all looking at us like that for?" I asked before taking a long sip of my drink.

They looked at us then looked at each other again before Rick cleared his throat. "Uh, well.. we were just trying to figure out what all of that was about," he said and I couldn't help but notice that he seemed a little hesitant to bring it up to me; which was funny, because Rick Faust is one of the most intimidating men I'd ever met in my life.

"Ah. Yes. Duh, Cat," I laughed as I sat my drink back down. "Long story short. Leila and I tried to be nice to someone who fooled us into thinking she was nice. She did some really fucked up things to try to destroy mine and Leila's friendship along with all of our relationships," I pointed all around us referring to me, Leila, Dan, and Phil. "All because she's obsessed with Dan. Like, scary obsessed, I think. So, that's what that was about."

"No wonder you almost whipped her ass," my Dad said as he shook his head in disbelief. "Sounds like one of those movies your Mama is always watchin'."

I started laughing. "Lifetime movies and yes, yes it does."

My Mom put her hand on my back and rubbed it. "Well shit. Maybe I should've let you slap her."

I looked over at her, still laughing. "It's okay. I think one trip to jail for the year is good for me."

"Jail?" Rick blurted out, his southern drawl more noticeable than ever. "What on earth did you go to jail for?" he asked, looking at me with his brows furrowed together.

Good God, Leila looked so much like him.

"Yeah honey," Olivia spoke up. "When did this happen?"

"Oh yes," my Mom spoke up as well and I looked over to see that scary look in her eyes that I always got when I fucked up real bad at home. "I'd love to hear this story."

"Jesus on a boat," I sighed, looking over at Dan and wishing we could like run away or something. I was tired of having to tell bad stories. "Our boss at the newspaper was a total cuntburger. She was really hateful to both of us. She fired me after I almost got hit by a car and she always treated Leila like a piece of dirt. Anyway, when we went back to LA with Dan and Phil we were at this Youtube gathering and there were tons of the guys' fans around talking to us. Out of nowhere Medusa, our boss, shows up wanting a picture and shit. I told her no. Well, I probably said it in a more colorful way. Words were exchanged and I think she called me trash or something. I can't remember. But I punched her in the face and got arrested."

"It was one of the most awesome things I've ever seen," Phil spoke up which made me laugh. "Seriously. The woman deserved it. Everyone thought so. All of the fans were cheering 'Free Whiskers' as the cops took her away."

I made a mental note to thank Phil later for trying to soften the blow so to speak.

"Yeah it was bound to happen," Leila nodded. "I'm actually surprised it took that long. She was horrible to Cat... I am so bloody glad we don't work there anymore," she shook her head, not realizing she said 'bloody' until a few seconds later, then she started laughing. "London is doing wonders for my vocabulary."

"I like it when you say British things," Phil laughed as he leaned in and kissed her temple. I still found myself wanting to say 'awwww' every time he did something like that. It was just so damn cute.

"So, you don't need a lawyer or anything?" Rick asked as he swirled the ice around in his glass.

"No sir," I shook my head. "The charges were dropped after they talked to so many witnesses who said I was provoked."

"Thank goodness," my Mom sighed. "Well! Now that all that seriousness is over with. Who is ready for some of my dessert?" she asked as she stood up.

"You brought dessert?" I looked up at her wondering what she brought. My mother was like the best cook ever.

"Of course I did, honey!" she grinned. "I brought brownies."

"Brownies?" Phil asked sounding super excited.

"Mmhm," she patted his back as she walked into the kitchen.


	26. Kitchen of Emotional Connectedness

**A/N: Part 3 of he holiday chapter **

* * *

**Dan's POV**

Cat's mom was busy getting the brownies ready for everyone and I decided to join her in the kitchen of emotional connectedness. I mean with all of the shit that had happened over the course of the last couple of hours, I hadn't really gotten a chance to say much to either of her parents. And since Phil and Rick had had a moment in there, I figured we might get to have one too. ****

Lucy was looking around the cabinets trying to find saucers; it was obvious that she was having a hard time with it, given how short she was. Not to mention how drunk. "Allow me," I laughed as I stepped beside her and opened the cabinet where I knew Cat and Leila kept their plates. I counted out enough for all of us and sat them down on the counter. ****

I wondered briefly what Phil had said to Rick to initiate a conversation with him that didn't end with with Rick cutting him down. Not that I was worried that Lucy would do anything like that... ****

"Are you having a good time?" I asked, then laughed. "I mean, considering everything that happened?" ****

"Oh sweetie," she put her hand on my arm and smiled up at me. "I'm having a wonderful time. I don't care about any kind of drama," she shook her head. "Being with my baby girl makes all of that bullshit not matter." She pulled away from me as she opened the container that had a fuck load of brownies in it. They looked orgasmic. She paused for a second and turned to look up at me. "I've never seen her the way she is with you. Every time she looks over at you it's like her eyes just light up. You're good for her." ****

I smiled a very big, dimpled smile at her. Hearing that coming from Cat's mother made me feel really happy. She had known Cat for 25 years - if anyone could read her, it was her mother. "She's good for me," I told her as I grabbed a brownie and placed it on one of the saucers. "It's so hard to explain, but she's changed a lot things in my life over the last couple of month. I really couldn't imagine not having her in it, as strange as that probably sounds. I never knew someone could have such a huge impact on me, so hearing you say that, it means a lot." ****

She reached up and put her hand on my cheek much like Cat did quite often and she smiled up at me. "You are better than any guy I could have imagined for her. What you're feeling is how I felt when I met Cat's Daddy. It's a wonderful thing and I'm proud to say that those feelings never go away if you end up getting married like we did because you've found the right person. He's still my world. Apart from Cat," she laughed. "I've seen you two together on the internet in those live shows and I knew even then that you belonged with her. It's so obvious." She stood up on her tip toes like Cat always had to and kissed my cheek. ****

"Mommyyyy! I want brownies!" Cat whined from the dining room and we both laughed. ****

"Hold your horses, titty baby," her Mom called out as we started gathering up saucers. "Oh, Dan," she stopped me before we walked out. "Do me a favor? Make sure no one eats more than two of these." ****

"Uh.." I blinked a few times, my brow furrowed together as I looked down at her, terribly confused as to why she would tell me something like that. "Sure," I nodded, but before I could ask why, she shot me a smile saying thanks then marched into the dining room, passing the saucers she was carrying out. ****

I sat a plate down in front of Cat first so she could go ahead and have one, then I went to Phil, who was probably going to start whining like Cat did if he didn't get one fast enough, then I took my seat and looked down at mine. ****

They looked so amazing. ****

They had fudge on top of them and I could see bits of nuts and white chocolate poking through the sides. ****

Maybe she didn't want anyone to have more than two because she didn't want all of us to end up being morbidly obese. ****

I picked it up and took a bite from it and then instantly shoved the rest of it in my mouth. ****

So. Bloody. Good. ****

"Ov my gawr," I heard Leila mumble. "We neevd thisv recipe, Lucfy," she said to Cat's mom as she chewed. ****

"It's a family recipe," she told Leila as she picked up her own to take a bite. "It has a very secret ingredient but I'd be happy to make them for you anytime."****

I noticed Cat stop chewing all of the sudden and turn slowly towards her Mom. ****

"What, baby? Eat your brownie," she flashed a big grin at her. ****

"You're gonna have to send us a batch of these for Christmas!" Leila's mom chirped. I looked down the table to see that her saucer was almost as clean as it had been before we put the brownies on them and that she was picking the crumbs off of it and eating them. "They're amazing!" ****

"They really are," I spoke up. "Actually, I think I'm going to have to have another one," I laughed, pushing my chair out. "Anyone else want seconds?" ****

Pretty much everyone spoke up to say yes, so instead of collecting the saucers I just went back into the kitchen and grabbed the entire container and started passing them out to everyone as I walked by them. When I got to Cat's mum, she looked up at me and smiled. "I think that's more than enough for everyone," she nodded then glanced towards the kitchen. ****

After grabbing another for myself, I took a big bite of it and proceeded to put them away before taking my seat beside Cat again. **  
"**Excuse me if this is rude but I think that I've had an orgasm from how delicious these are," Phil spoke up as he started on his second brownie. ****

"I told you my Mom was a good cook," Cat said proudly, smiling at her Mom.****

I had just finished my second brownie when I was pushing my chair out again. "I kind of want a third," I laughed, not really caring about the fact that I looked like the world's biggest glut. Cat's mom shot me a look and I instantly knew that I shouldn't have said that out loud. ****

Especially not when Phil, Leila, Leila's mom and Rick all agreed with me. ****

Lucy just looked around at all of us like she was thinking very hard about what she should say. She looked over at Jude who was grinning at her and he nodded. "Oh, what the hell. Go for it," she shrugged. ****

The room was suddenly filled with the sound of everyone pushing their chairs back to go to the kitchen and get more brownies. ****

I was about to join them when Cat put her hand on my arm to stop me. "Do you want another too?" I asked. ****

She gave me a look that I couldn't quite read before she leaned in and whispered in my ear. "I just want you to know, before you eat another one of those, that the special ingredient my mom was talking about is pot." ****

Oh shit. ****

OH SHIT. ****

It was only then that I remembered the Skype call with her parents a few weeks earlier and her telling me about how her parents made special treats like that - and how messed up Leila had gotten off of them. ****

I was a little shocked, to say the least, and I honestly didn't know how to respond to that. I'd never eaten pot brownies before, so I didn't know what the fuck I was in store for. ****

But.. YOLO. ****

I don't think Lucy would have let everyone go in for thirds if they could actually hurt us... ****

"Cat!" I heard her mother hiss and we both glanced over at her. ****

"What?" Cat asked defensively, looking at her with an innocent expression. ****

Her mother didn't say anything, she just shook her head at her. ****

"Do you want me to get you two another?" I asked as I stood up. ****

Lucy and Jude looked at eachother then looked up at me, nodding. Lucy was shrugging her shoulders and Jude had the same big grin on his face as before. ****

I grabbed four more and passed them out to Cat and her parents and then started working on mine as I watched Phil stand in the kitchen of emotional connectedness with Leila's parents; I kind of felt like I should tell him about the special ingredient but figured it would be much more entertaining if he had no idea about it. ****

Leila joined us at the table, sitting down on our end as she took bites off of the brownie. "Do you guys see that," she commented, nodding towards the kitchen. "They're.. being nice. I mean, I'm so happy to see it but.. they were being such assholes to him earlier. Well, dad was," she shook her head and glanced over at Cat. "Why are you looking at me like that?" she laughed, wiping the side of her face like she was afraid that there was something on it. ****

"Nothing, lovely," Cat said nonchalantly as she popped a piece of her brownie into her mouth. She managed to get some of it on her bottom lip and I reached over to wipe it off with my thumb. ****

Her head was towards me so her parents couldn't see when she took that opportunity to wrap her lips around my finger and suck on it. ****

"Cat, please stop eating Dan's thumb," Olivia told her as she walked back into the room.**  
**  
Cat started laughing. "Yes ma'am." ****

"Baby," I heard Jude whisper and of course Cat and I were nosy and turned our attention towards him. "These are strong!"****

"I know," her Mum giggled. "I wanted to make sure it was a very Happy Thanksgiving," she shrugged like it wasn't a big deal that she'd just drugged everyone at the party without their knowledge.****

Cat's Mum was a troll. I loved her. ****

"Wait..." Leila spoke up as she raised her hand out in front of her. "Were those..?" ****

Cat's mum smiled at her as she rested her chin against her palm, nodding her head. ****

"Oh my God." ****

"Were those what?" Rick looked very confused, as did Olivia. ****

"I'm just going to apologize in advance for anything I do or say this evening," Leila shook her head and then looked over at Cat, her jaw dropping. "That's what that look was about!" she gasped. "Ugh, Cat!" she balled her fists up like she was mad but it was easy to tell that she wasn't. "You know what happened last time! And you let me eat three of them!" ****

There was still a lot of confusion between The Fausts and Phil; and I sure as hell wasn't going to be the one to break the news to them that they had just been drugged. ****

Nope. ****

"I only did it because I love you," Cat told her while making a heart with her hands and using her puppy dog eyes. ****

"I'm so confused," Phil spoke up. He was holding another brownie.****

Shit was about to get real. ****

"Babe," Leila leaned over the table to look at him, as he was sitting on the other end of it next to her parents. "You might not want to eat that," she offered, pointing at the brownie he had just held up to his lips. Her mother and father were staring at her like they were waiting for an explanation as to why he shouldn't. "They're laced with good ole THC... Pot, weed, Marijuana.." ****

Okay, now they understood what was happening. ****

Phil dropped his brownie, a look of shock on his face as he glanced from Leila, to her parents, to Cat's parents and finally at me. I shrugged my shoulders and flipped my palms up. "I didn't know," which was half true. ****

I was kind of waiting for Olivia to faint and for Rick's head to explode but much to my surprise they both started laughing. ****

I mean, throwing their heads back, filling up the apartment with their fucking giggles, laughing. Like it was the funniest thing ever, them being drugged. ****

"I can't believe you did this again!" Olivia said while pointing at Lucy. "You are sneaky. I should've known better." She turned to look over at us. "When Rick and I went to New Orleans for one of his business things we stayed with Lucy and Jude. Except that time she laced the cookies," she laughed. "It was one of the best nights ever."****

"I don't see a thing wrong with it," Lucy said as she picked up her glass. "It's natural. It comes from the earth so why don't we partake, hm?" ****

"I love my wife," Jude sighed as he pushed his empty saucer away. Lucy looked over at him with a look on her face of a teenager in love. Jude leaned over and kissed her lips briefly but I saw the way her cheeks got a little pink. I didn't even know that love could still be that way after so many years. ****

"I bet it's going to hit Phil before anyone else," Cat giggled.****

"I'm scared!" he blurted out. "I've never gotten high. Oh God. I apologize in advance for anything I do." He was looking over at Rick. No amount of male bonding can keep a guy from being afraid of his girlfriend's father. ****

"You'll be fine, son," Rick told him as he reached over and patted his back. "Your girlfriend is probably the one you should worry about. I've seen her drunk before."****

"I love drunk Leila," Cat laughed. ****

"High Leila is even worse," Leila laughed. "You should be okay, babe. I had Dan slip you a Xanax earlier, so you-" she stopped talking and started giggling. "Everyone is druggin' Phil," she said in a deep dramatic voice as she continued laughing. "Ah, fuck. I am already feeling it." ****

"You what?!" Phil shrieked, looking down the table at Leila and me. "I've been drugged twice tonight?" he asked looking very disturbed. "Wow. I don't even know what to think. What is my life?" ****

Cat started giggling. I mean like giggling big time and it was a girly giggle I rarely heard from her unless I was inside of her. ****

I looked over at her and tilted my head. "You okay over there?"****

"I think I'm starting to feel it," she laughed. ****

"Lightweight," her Dad laughed. "You can tell she's been away from home for a while." ****

"She's not a lightweight," Lucy laughed. "That shit is just really strong. That's why I was limiting everyone to two." ****

"My bad," I laughed and threw my hands up. "I didn't know until it was too late... My mouth is really dry," I smacked my lips together. "Oh shit my body feels heavy," I said as I looked down at my legs as I tried to lift them up. ****

"We should do something," Jude commented, looking around the table. "Maybe we should watch a movie?" he proposed. ****

Leila threw her head back and started laughing. "Never gonna happen daddy J. We're all about to be like Cat times five hundred. We'll never focus on a t.v screen." ****

"Wow. Imagine if there were 500 of me. That is a fucking terrifying thought," Cat spoke up looking completely serious. **  
"**I would have no hair," Lucy laughed. ****

"I feel like I'm starting to levitate or something. Is that normal?" Phil asked which made Cat crack up laughing. ****

"No, Phil. It's not. You're about to float away into space like that evil bitch in Harry Potter. Did y'all know she played Ms. Trunchbull in that movie Matilda? Oh my God. I love that movie so much." Cat just rambled away. ****

"Aunt Petunia fucked Ben Barnes in Dorian Gray!" Leila blurted out. ****

"Aunt Petunia was on True Blood!" Cat added excitedly.****

"What the fuck are y'all talkin' about?" Jude asked, laughing. ****

"I have a strong desire to sing that song by One Direction," Cat said as she leaned back in her chair and started kicking her feet until her heels fell off. "Baby you light up my world like nobody else!" she sang while leaning towards me before she kissed the tip of my nose. ****

"I love that song!" Olivia gasped and clapped her hands. "It's so catchy!" ****

"They way you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed," Leila added, flipping Cat's hair as she sang. "AWWWW MY CAAAAAAAAT," Leila flung her arms out and squeezed her, nuzzling her face against the side of Cat's head just like Cat does to Phil all the time. "HAVE I TOLD YOU LATELY, THAT I LOVEEEEEE YOUUUU," she sang. ****

"We need music!" Rick shouted then literally hopped out of his chair and to his feet and started walking around. "Uh, where the fuck is a radio?" ****

"DAD! DID YOU JUST SAY FUCK!" Leila shouted at him before laughing. ****

Cat had wrapped her arms around Leila as well and they were snuggling all over each other. In the perverted area of my brain I noticed that this was like the beginning of a porn. ****

"Oh my glob!" Cat squealed looking super shocked. "Rick said fuck!" she laughed. "Do it again, Rick! Say iiit!" **  
"**FUCK!" Rick repeated. "Fuck, fuckitty, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK! WHERE IS THE FUCKING RADIO AT, EH?" ****

"Do we even have a fucking radio?" Leila asked, looking around the dining room. "I don't know. I'm never even in his damn place. I'm always at Phil's." ****

"We've got one at my place," I laughed, thoroughly amused at what was happening around me. "Hey Phil wanna go with me to get the radio?" I asked, looking at Phil who looked like he might have been freaking out a bit. ****

"GET YOUR DDR MAT!" Leila squealed and flailed her arms. ****

"DDR!" Jude nodded excitedly. "I fuckin' love that game!" ****

"DADDY!" Cat squealed. "DDR battle! You and me!" she pointed towards him.****

"You're goin' down, little girl," he pointed at her.****

"Psh. I got skills," she laughed. ****

"Jude plays that game every damn day," Lucy laughed, shaking her head. "Then he walks around humming all the songs from it." ****

"Um, yeah. I'll go with you," Phil replied to me as he slowly pushed his chair back. He stood up and looked around for a second before stepping to the side. "Okay. Yeah. I'm fine," he nodded. ****

"Baby!" Leila's dad yelled from the living room as Phil and I were making our way out of the dining room. "I didn't know ya'll already had a Christmas tree!" he shrieked. "Let's decorate it!" ****

"Ohhh OKAY!" Leila squealed as she got up from her chair, she ran by Phil and I into the living room. "Uhhhhh..." she turned around and ran right back by us without saying a word to anyone and disappeared down the hallway. ****

"Your girlfriend is full Le-le," I laughed then stepped towards the front door. Phil was still standing there, mouth breathing as he stared a hole through the wall. "Phil. Phil... Jesus on a boat," I rolled my eyes and walked back over to him. "Phil, snap out of it!" I laughed, snapping my fingers in front of his face. ****

"What?" he jumped and looked at me like I was crazy but then started laughing. "Oops. Sorry," he said through his giggling. "Wait. What are we doing?" ****

"Oh God. Philertons is gone," Cat laughed. ****

"We're getting the radio and DDR from our flat," I shook my head as I laughed at him. "Come on, before you forget again," I said, dragging him by the sleeve of his shirt towards the front door. ****

"I feel amazing," Phil told me, giggling as I pulled him along. "Amazing. AmazingPhil! That's me!" he pointed at himself as we walked out of the flat and into the hallway. "Hey Dan? Hey Dan. Hey Dan. Dan. Hey Dan. Hey Dan. Hey-"****

Normally I would have shouted at him for the 'Hey Dan's' but I didn't have it in me to do anything but laugh. "What, AmazingPhil?" I asked as I pulled my key out of my pocket and unlocked the front door. ****

He looked around and tilted his head to the side. "I don't know. I forgot," he laughed. "Cat needs to make these brownies for us like every day." ****

"No offense Phil, but I don't think you need to eat those every day," I shook my head as I opened the door. Luckily the light in the living room was still on and I didn't have to go searching for the switch. We would have been there for hours because my memory was just as spacey. "That would be like me doing Cocaine everyday. That would just be bad for the world." ****

I started looking around and I realized how slow I was moving and how much more attention I was paying to every little detail. "We need to dust," I said as I ran my finger across the shelf where the radio was sitting. "I've got to piss," I blurted out. "And fuck my mouth is so dry!" ****

Phil was walking really slowly as well and he was staring at something like it was the most fascinating thing he'd ever seen. I watched him as he moved closer and closer to the tetris lamp and he bent down to pick it up before sitting on the couch with it. "This is the prettiest thing I have ever seen," he told me as he started moving around parts of it. "Other than Leila." ****

I'm not sure what it was about it, but when he said that, I lost my shit and started cracking. "It is pretty," I nodded once I'd finally calmed down, stepping towards him to look at it. "What am I even doing?" I thought out loud, then leaned back up to look around. ****

"Seriously..." I shook my head. ****

What the fuck were we supposed to - ****

I glanced at the radio and it hit me. "The radio!" I gasped, walking over towards it to unplug it. "Oh and the DDR mat!" I sat the radio down on Phil's lap so I wouldn't forget about it then started walking around the room, looking for the game we had come for. ****

"Dan?" Phil suddenly sounded all serious and I turned around to look at him. "Do you realize that we're in these super serious relationships with these girls who are like really hot and amazing? How the fuck did that happen? That's just crazy!" he held his hands out like he was talking about an explosion. "I wish I had some chocolate covered pretzels." ****

"I don't know," I said honestly as I grabbed the mat and turned back around to face him. "It's like everything bloody changed over the last few months and I don't even know how or why. Well I mean, they changed our lives, but why us, you know? They're both way too good for us and probably way too hot too. I mean I've dated good looking girls but Cat? Waaaaaaaaaaaay out of my league." I threw my hands out to my sides, as if I were trying to show him just how far out of my league she was. "I want some Coke. Fucking dry mouth of mine," I smacked my lips again. ****

"Cat is out of your league? When did you play baseball? What the hell, Dan? Do you have some kind of secret life I don't know about?"****

I facepalmed myself and shook my head. "Oh Phil, you're an idiot. Thank you for reminding me of that. Yes, you and I both play baseball and obviously Leila is out of your league too." ****

He was silent for a few seconds and I looked over at him again to see he was staring at his phone. "Hey Dan?" he spoke up again as he looked up at me. He had a very serious look on his face despite being so fucking high. "I think- I mean- I know- Well, I think I- I wanna marry Leila," he finally blurted out. ****

Now it was my turn to look like a mouth breather. Did he really just say that? ****

Like... Am I high or? ****

I finally closed my mouth and then moved across the living room and sat down beside him. I wasn't really sure what to say. I mean, because, I wasn't sure if he was just so high that it sounded like a good idea to say, or if he actually meant it. ****

Of course I couldn't judge him if he did mean it. ****

I had literally told Cat the same thing a few weeks ago, when we both thought we were going to be skinned alive. And again after that; I meant it both times. ****

"Seriously?" Oh, brilliant, Dan. "Are you going to like.. ask her.. soon.. ish?" I asked. This was definitely a conversation I didn't see myself having tonight. ****

"I've been thinking about it for a while. Is that crazy? Yes. It's probably crazy," he sighed and raked his fingers through his hair which fucked it up big time. "She just, oh my God. She's perfect. I can't even begin to explain how I feel about that woman. I can't imagine ever finding someone who is going to make me feel that way again. It's like I wasn't even really me before I met her. You know?" He sighed again. "Shit. I think I'm really, really high." ****

"You are, really, really high," I giggled. Yes, giggled. Shut up. I'm fucking baked. ****

"But, that's not crazy..." I cleared my throat. I could relate to everything he was saying, because I felt the exact same way about Cat. "I would marry Cat," I admitted. "I mean, of course not right now because _that _might be a bit insane, but honestly? I can't see myself with anyone else but I can see myself with her.. forever." ****

Forever. ****

Wow. ****

The weirdest part of all of this was that I actually meant it and could see myself with her _forever. _****

"And if I know anything about Leila, and I think I know her pretty good by now," I paused, nodding. "She doesn't want anyone else. I mean, you remember what she said at dinner, right?" I laughed but I'm not sure why because her explosion wasn't funny. "She pretty much backed her dad into a corner over you and then dropped the almost-baby-Phileila bomb on him. If that isn't love, then I don't know what is." ****

He looked sort of shocked by everything I was saying up until when I started talking about Leila. Then he was grinning from ear to ear. "What's weird is that I don't really question whether she'll say yes or not and I'm not some super confident guy or anything but I feel like I know her well enough to know she would say yes," he said as he stood up from the couch. "I just don't know if the timing of it makes it crazy," he shrugged. "But I'm not asking her like really soon. I've just been thinking about it a lot." He laughed. "Let's just make sure we tell each other when or if we do propose so we don't end up barging in on each other and fucking something up. Like when you walked in on Leila and I." ****

"Phil," I shook my head, scrunching my face up as the memory of those two in the throws flashed before my eyes. "That's not exactly something I wanted to relive," I laughed as I stood up too. "But when I ask Cat, you'll be the first to know. I promise," I patted him on the shoulder. "And likewise, it won't be anytime soon, but.. I know it will happen," I sighed happily as I walked back across the living room and to the front door. I held it open for Phil then walked out behind him after and locked it. ****

From the hallway I could hear noise coming from their end of the building and I started laughing. "I wonder what we've missed," I commented as I headed towards their door. ****

I opened it and I was met with the sight of Lucy and Olivia hugging each other, both of them holding beer bottles. ****

"THEY'RE BACK!" Jude shouted. "DDR TIME. YOU'RE GOIN' DOWN, CAT!" he laughed as he jumped up off of the couch. ****

Leila was sitting on the coffee table looking through a box and her dad was standing in front of the Christmas tree watching her. He looked up and smiled at me and then looked over my shoulder where Phil was standing, holding the radio. "Come here son," he motioned for Phil to join him. "I want to talk to you, and you need to help us decorate this tree." ****

I couldn't help but feel a bit nervous for Phil, even though they seemed to be on better terms. Leila's dad was still scary, even scarier when he starts out with 'I need to talk to you.' ****

My attention was quickly pulled away from that when I felt arms wrap around my mid-section and looked down to see my very, very high girlfriend looking up at me. "Hiiii!" she laughed. "I missed you. You were gone like five-ever." ****

"That means I love you more than forever!" she and Leila yelled at the same time before erupting into a fit of giggles. ****

Cat smashed her face against the front of my shirt as she laughed and then she tried her best to get her mouth up to my ear. "I would really, really, really enjoy having sex with you right now," she whispered in my ear and at the same time her hand slipped from my back, around to my stomach and then down. ****

Oh bloody hell. What was she trying to do to me?****

"Oh bloody hell," I blurted out, looking around to make sure no one had saw what she just did to me. Luckily everyone seemed to have their attention elsewhere and didn't notice it. ****

"I would, really, really, _really, _enjoy that as well," I whispered back at her. "But there are six other people in this room, two of which I don't think would appreciate that," I laughed, pulling away so that I could see her face. ****

Of course she went into full pouty face mode. "Fiiine," she grumbled before pulling my face down to hers so she could kiss my lips. "You're mine later though," she whispered against my lips before dragging her tongue across my bottom lip.****

"Catherine Radley!" Lucy laughed. "Get your hormones in check, girl!"****

"Sorry Mama!" she laughed and kissed my lips one more time before turning away and skipping over to where her Dad had already set up the D.D.R mats. ****

I checked her ass out as she moved away and when I looked back over at her mum, she was already looking at me, smiling at me as she shook her head. "I can't help myself," I shrugged, then immediately started to feel a little embarrassed that she had just caught me checking out her daughter's ass without any shame. ****

I made my way into the kitchen and grabbed myself a beer, because everyone else in the room had one except for me. Well, and Phil, so being the nice friend that I am, I grabbed one for him as well. ****

Once I was back in the living room I took a seat on the couch and looked around, checking out what everyone was up to. ****

"Wait, wait, wait," Phil held his hands up as he stepped back from where he was standing by the tree, Leila, and Rick. "We're decorating-"****

"You're decorating me!" Rick said as he pointed at himself. "I wanna be a Christmas tree!" ****

"Rick, are you okay, honey?" Olivia asked, laughing as she did. ****

"Yes, dammit! I just wanna be the Christmas tree. It's not that difficult. Come on, Leila! It'll be fun!" **  
**What the fuck did I just walk in on?****

Leila looked from her Dad to Phil and back again before throwing her hands up and shrugging as she laughed. "If you insist, Dad," she shook her head, leaning down the grab the long string of garland. She handed Phil one end of it and then started walking backwards to unwind it. She ended up walking right into the real tree though, and -****

"OH SHIT!" I jumped over to the other couch cushion - I don't know how my reflexes were so fast considering my state of mind - just as the tree was toppling over, Leila following it. It hit against the couch then fell behind it and Leila fell back against the wall, laughing like that was the most hilarious thing in the world instead of the most horrific.****

"Are you okay, honey!" Rick gasped as he and Phil both stepped towards her at the same time, both of them offering to help her up. Rick paused and glanced at Phil before smiling and nodding towards Leila and backing away.****

Aw, did they just have a moment? ****

I think they had a moment. ****

"Come on, sweetheart," Phil said as he reached down for her and pulled her up. She was still laughing when she got to her feet. "You scared the hell out of me," he laughed as he pushed a piece of hair out of her eyes. ****

"You okay, Lele?" Cat asked before taking a long sip of beer. "I'm sure she is. Once she fell down 2 flights of stairs when we were shitfaced and she walked it off like a boss. It was amazing." She laughed. "And we were also naked." ****

That only seemed to make Leila laugh even harder and she swayed over sideways, almost falling again but luckily Phil snatched her up before she could. "I can't believe you brought that up!" Leila snorted, shaking her head as she wrapped her arm around Phil to sturdy herself. ****

"Were you two really naked?" I asked for clarification. ****

Leila couldn't speak because she was too busy laughing so she just nodded at me. ****

"What the hell? Why were you two naked?" I blurted out, not really grasping the fact that both of their parents were right bloody there. ****

"Skinny - dipping," Leila managed to get out before losing her shit again. ****

"She had a giant bruise on her asscheek for weeks," Cat laughed, shaking her head. ****

"I'm about to start this round without you, kid!" Jude told her.****

"No way!" she squealed as she sat her beer down. "Okay. Let's do this." She was bouncing around like she was ready to box someone. ****

"How often do you and Cat spend time together naked?" Phil asked out of nowhere and I shook my head. I couldn't believe he asked that in front of her parents.****

"Oh, girls don't give a shit about stuff like that, Phil," Olivia waved in his direction with her hand. "We all have the same set up."****

"I think he was asking for certain reasons, sweetheart," Rick informed her. "Why am I not a Christmas tree yet? You two suck at this."****

"Oh, no you didn't," Leila rolled her neck then snapped her fingers. "Phil, lets show this dingleberry what we're made out of!" She said, holding the garland up in the air before she started wrapping it around her dad's shoulders. ****

"You're supposed to start at the bottom!" Rick and Phil said at the same time, then they both started laughing, amused. ****

"I'm startin' to like this kid more and more, Leila. At least he knows how to properly decorate a tree!" Rick told her. ****

"That's what she said!" Cat yelled while dancing away on her mat. I looked at them right when her Dad reached over and nudged her shoulder making her stumble to the side. Cat gasped and put her hands on her hips, glaring up at her Dad. "Mama! Daddy is cheating again! He pushed me off my mat!"****

"Dammit, Jude. Stop being a dick wrinkle!" Lucy yelled and then started laughing at herself. ****

"I didn't do anything!" Jude turned around trying to look innocent. ****

"My ass," she rolled her eyes. ****

"I need a break. Damn. I'm out of shape," Cat said as she fanned her face. She picked her beer up before walking over to me and sitting on my lap. ****

"Hey hot guy. What's your name?" she asked as she started running her fingers through the back of my hair. ****

"Dan," I told her as I looked up at her. "Sorry though, I've got a girlfriend. If she catches you on my lap she'd probably beat the shit out of you," I sighed, shaking my head. ****

She rolled her eyes. "Psh. I could probably handle her," she winked at me and laughed. "Are you having fun, baby?" ****

"I am, actually," I nodded, sliding arm around her back. "Much more fun than I thought I would be having." That was so true. I mean, I knew her parents would be a trip, but I didn't see us munching out on weed brownies then binge drinking and playing DDR while Leila's dad got morphed into a Christmas tree. ****

"Me too," she said as she laid her head on my shoulder. "This is probably my favoritest Thanksgiving ever." ****

"Favoritest is not a word, Cat," Phil said from across the room. ****

She leaned up to look over at him. "Yeah, well. Your butt is super white so neener, neener!" ****

"His butt is cute!" Leila defended and I'm pretty sure that she grabbed it because of the way Phil jumped and squealed out of nowhere. ****

"Ha!" Phil pointed at Cat, laughing before he turned back around to continue helping Leila decorate Rick. ****

Decorate Rick. ****

That's not something you get to say very often. ****

"Hey." Rick grabbed Phil's arm and my heart fell out of my asshole. Phil's eyes got huge and he stared down at Rick's hand wrapped around his arm. "Listen, Phil. I want to apologize for the way I treated you. I was an asshole."****

Phil had this sort of shocked yet relieved look on his face. "Don't worry about it," he smiled. "I know why you did it." ****

Wow. That was unexpected. ****

The eight of us spent the next couple of hours drinking beer and chatting. Well, after Leila and Phil fixed Rick up like a Christmas tree and Cat took multiple pictures of it. ****

Cat's mom and Leila's mom ended up having a DDR battle - let me just say, that was some quality entertainment. There wasn't a winner, because they were both horrible at it. ****

At about three in the morning The Fausts and the Radleys ended up passing out on the couch together while Cat and Leila did the same on the loveseat, cuddled up like they might have been in a relationship. ****

Cat was even more drunk when I woke her up than she was when she had fallen asleep so I had to carry her to bed. ****

Also, she was too drunk to really carry out all of those plans to molest me, which was quite disheartening, but I somehow got over it. I guess that was for the best, since her parents were staying in the flat, and Leila's parents. ****

Phil and Leila don't really matter. They'd heard us having sex loads of times. ****

I was very close to dozing off when I heard something outside of the door before the door swung open and his against the wall, followed by loud, drunken laughter. "Oh shit!" ****

That was Leila. ****

Leila was drunk. ****

"HEY! Are you two having sex?" she asked through the darkness. I could hear something hitting the wall. I'm guessing it was Leila. ****

"No," I answered her groggily. ****

The room got really bright and I had to hide my head under the blanket because it was hurting my eyes. "Turn that light off," I groaned, flailing around the bed. "Aren't you supposed to be asleep with Phil?" ****

"Dan!" Cat yelled out of nowhere. "Stop bloody moving. You're my pillow, fartface," she slurred. ****

I could hear Leila laughing again before I felt the mattress shift and she plopped down on top of it. ****

"I missed you guys!" she told us as she bounced around on the bed. ****

"Where the hell did you get all of this bloody energy from?" I asked as I pulled the cover off of my face, then screamed because she was nose to nose with me. ****

"Phil's penis," she rocked on the bed. "Just kidding, I didn't get any of that tonight... Hey Cat!" Leila leaned over me and put her face very close to Cat's face then rubbed her nose against Cat's. "I love youuuuuuuu," she whispered. ****

"I love you toooooooooo," she mumbled against my chest. I was pretty sure she was drooling on me. ****

"Leila!" Phil was standing in the doorway looking very confused and very almost naked. "I go to the bathroom and come back and you're gone like aliens stole you!" ****

"Dan, why is everyone in our room?" Cat mumbled against me again. "Why aren't we having seeex? Gaaaah." ****

"I have no idea," I groaned, looking around with one eye open. ****

"I told you I missed you guys!" Leila said, bouncing on the bed again. "Phiiiiiiil," she whined and I could see her making grabby hands in his direction. "I miss you toooooooo." ****

"Someone please, for the love of Batman, turn that light off," Cat lifted her head and looked around at all of us like she was going to kill everyone. ****

Thankfully Phil was beside the lightswitch and he turned it off. "Yaaaaaay," Cat said in a creepily kid-like voice before lying her head back down on me and nuzzling her face against my neck. ****

I could feel the bed shifting around again and the covers lifting. ****

"Leila?" Cat spoke up. "Is that you poking my ass right now?" ****

"It's certainly not me," Phil laughed. "I'm poking Leila's."****

"Uh..." Leila moved around. "No you're not, the closest thing to me right now is.." she felt around, her hand pushing against my face. "What the fuck is that?" ****

"Me," I laughed. ****

"Oh... well what's that?" she moved her hand again. ****

"You're getting very close to my penis, Leila," I warned. ****

"NO," she jerked her arm back and I heard it hit the wall before she started whining. "OWWWWW," ****

"Um. Are we just not going to discuss the fact that I think Phil just fell asleep...spooning ME?" Cat asked. "I think I feel a part of him I never ever thought I'd feel."****

"Oh my God," I laughed then raised my hand up, feeling around, trying to find Phil. When I thought I'd grabbed him, I started shaking him. ****

He reached up and grabbed my hand before moving it away from himself and I felt the bed shift a bit along with Cat tightening her grip on me. "Dan! I think Phil is trying to-"****

"I'm not Phil," Phil spoke up in a super deep, super creepy voice. "I'm...Slenderman."****

"Phil stop!" Cat whined, burrowing her face against my neck more. "Noooo. I don't like it."****

He started laughing really hard and I felt the mattress shift. "Leila, could you please come over here and spoon your best friend so I can spoon you and you can stop molesting mine?" ****

"That was so confusing," Cat laughed. ****

The mattress moved again and then I felt a knee, or maybe an elbow, I'm not sure, pressing against my chest. "Oh Jesus on a boat, why didn't you just walk around the bed," I laughed, wiggling around as she climbed over me and Cat. ****

"Woah, I just copped a feel on Cat's boob," Leila chuckled. ****

I felt the bed shift yet again and the covers being yanked away from me as Leila snuggled up against Phil. "I finally found you!" she squealed sounding like a little kid. ****

I heard Phil laugh and then the sound of them kiss. "Yes you did, you incredibly cute and drunk girl." ****

I felt Cat raise up and her arm moved away from around my mid-section before the covers suddenly appeared back over us. ****

"Hey!" Phil whined.****

"Yo. Go get your own covers, Philertons," Cat laughed. "I'm only wearing Dan's shirt and a pair of panties. I don't care to show that to the world," she said as she started getting comfortable again by laying her head on me. "Hey," she whispered against my ear. "I didn't get a goodnight kiss. What if I die in my sleep without my goodnight kiss? That would be so sad. Saaaaad." ****

"What if we freeze to death in our sleep!" Leila said as she yanked on the covers again, once more pulling them off of me. ****

"Oh my God, what is my life," I whined, snuggling up closer to Cat. I puckered my lips up and felt around her face trying to find her lips with my fingers. Once I found them I brushed them against hers. "Please don't die. That would be completely horrific," I whispered back to her. ****

"I'll never let go, Jack," Leila whispered. ****

"I'll never let go," Phil whispered as well, making his voice sound shaky. ****

Cat cracked up laughing and then stopped suddenly. "Leila are you trying to put your hand in my panties right now?" ****

"My hands are cold!" Leila whined. ****

"Okay if your hands are seriously in her knickers then we're going to have to go back to our room because I can't handle that thought without requiring sex," Phil informed her. ****

"I don't know if I can handle hands being in there without requiring sex," Cat laughed. "No more molesting, Leila. Time for sleepy sleep."****

"But I wanna taaaaaalk. Let's talk, guys. We didn't get to talk all night!" I could feel the mattress moving again and I'm guessing she was kicking her legs around. ****

"Go the fuck to sleep!" I laughed. "It's like four in the morning right now!" ****

"It's five o'clock somewhere," she replied. ****

"It's news o'clock, bitch," Cat blurted out with my accent. "Actually, we didn't go around the table and say what we were thankful for today. We could do that now."****

"Good idea! I forgot about that," Phil spoke up. "Leila, your bum is quite warm." ****

"I think I gave Phil my a.d.d," Cat laughed. "Okay, who wants to go first and I mean this is like serious stuff. Don't just say you're thankful for great sex and pot brownies." ****

"I do!" Leila squealed, kicking her feet again. "I am thankful for all three of you guys. Cat, for being my best friend. I love you Cat. Dan for being my other best friend who constantly gets shit on by me but loves me anyways. I love you Dan. And Phil, for being the most amazing man... ever. I'm thankful that you're mine! I love yoooou," she slurred and I heard her lips pop against some part of Phil's body. ****

Phil started giggling like a girl. "You kissed my nipple!" he laughed and then I heard another kiss. "I'll go next," he said after that. "I'm thankful for all of you, obviously. I'm thankful for Dan for being a total asshole that night so we were able to meet you two. I'm thankful for mine and Dan's friendship, for mine and Cat's friendship. But I'm most thankful for the fact that the best woman I've ever known actually loves me as much as I love her." ****

"Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!" Cat said in her cute little voice. ****

"I am the luckiest girl ever," I heard Leila say, her voice muffled by something. I don't even know what. ****

"Thanks for that, Phil," I laughed, referring to being called an asshole. "Okay, my turn," I wiggled around a bit. "I'm thankful for you too, Phil. Seriously, I don't ever tell you stuff like this, but I'm not sure where I'd be had we not became friends. So thanks... I'm thankful for Leila, you're a horrible troll woman, but I love you all the same. And of course," I paused and nuzzled my face against Cat's, speaking directly to her, "I'm thankful for you, Cat. You're the love of my life and knowing you has made me the happiest I've ever been," I said then popped a kiss against her lips. ****

"AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" That one came from Leila. ****

"Awwww, baby!" she pulled herself closer to me and started kissing all over my face. "Oh fuck. I'm actually crying like a total twat," she laughed and then sniffled. "Okay, okay," she cleared her throat. "I'm thankful for my Lele." I felt her reaching back to do something. Probably pet Leila. "I would be a fucking bag of insane flaming assholes without you and you're like a sister to me. I'm thankful for Phil because I always wanted Leila to find someone who would love her the way she deserved and you've gone beyond that. You're also someone I consider to be my best friend now and you're soooo sweeeet. I just wanna squish you," she laughed and then I felt her hand on my cheek. "And I'm thankful for you. So thankful. I can't even-," she sighed. "You are more than what I've always wanted. I can't imagine my life without you. You've made me the happiest I've ever been as well. I love you so much." She leaned in and kissed my lips softly. "I love you guys too," she added, speaking a bit louder so they could hear.****

"I love you too, Cat! And I love you, Dan!" Phil spoke up. ****

Leila started giggling. "You know how you said that Phil and I were the disgusting couple? Errrrrr! You guys just took the cake for that," she snorted. "Sorry, sorry, I know this was a serious moment. I love you too Cat, Dan, and my Phil," she sighed. ****

"I love all of you too," I finally responded. "This is the bed of emotional connectedness." ****

"The feels! So many feels!' Cat added dramatically. ****

"Yay! I love Thanksgiving!" Phil laughed. ****

"Right in the fangirl," Leila said out of nowhere then started laughing. ****

"It was definitely the most interesting Thanksgiving I've ever had," Cat laughed. ****

"Me too," Leila agreed with a yawn. I think she was finally spent. ****

"And next up, Christmas!" I laughed. I could only imagine how that would turn out. ****

"Oh God," Cat, Leila, and Phil all said at the same time. ****

"Serious business." ****

* * *

**A/N: And another one down here as more of a disclaimer. We're not claiming that Dan and Phil eat pot brownies or smoke weed or do any drugs. Also please leave us a review and tell us what you think! We love hearing from you! You can do so here or on our Tumblr page. Thank you so much for reading! **


	27. Buses In The Pizza Box

Leila's POV

I have to pee.  
Oh my God, I have to pee so bad.  
SO, BAD.

I don't think you guys understand me right now.

I have had SO much coffee because I had to be up before the sun and I didn't go to sleep until 3 AM.

I had another book signing this morning, which was amazing. I met so many people.. so many _fans, _ah, that's still so weird to say. Or think. That I have fans. I also met loads of _phans. _Luckily they were the nice ones who ship Phileila and don't want to blast cannons at my face.

Though, as great of a turn out that there was, and as much fun that I had meeting everyone, I literally sat there for four hours consumed by the fact that my bladder felt like it was going to burst. At one point I started telling people how badly I needed to urinate and I may have even signed a book or two with 'I really need to piss' instead of 'Leila Faust.'

Which makes me the world's biggest dumbass because what did I do as soon as I signed the last book? I LEFT THE BOOKSTORE.

And now? I'm walking, no I'm bouncing, down this busy street almost wishing that it was raining so I could just relieve myself and say that I forgot my umbrella.

I came to a crosswalk and of course the stupid thing turned red, so I started to bounce around in place, whining quietly, trying to keep my mind occupied so I could just stop thinking about the fact that the sensation to pee was stronger than any sensation I'd ever felt. The older man to my right was straight up judging me and I could feel eyes on the left side of my face, so I glanced over and -

"OH MY GOD!" I shrieked involuntarily as my eyes tripled in size.

I stared at the woman beside me with my mouth hanging open. I was probably drooling too. I don't know. I was in too much shock to really process anything other than the fact that J.K Rowling was about four inches away from me.

J.K ROWLING.

J.K MOTHERFUCKING ROWLING.

I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND.

She was probably about to start yelling rape or something, because I was staring at her like she was a big slab of meat and like I hadn't eaten anything in weeks.

"Forgive me for staring, but... You're Leila Faust, right?" she asked, laughing.

I AM GOING TO PISS RIGHT NOW. ALL OVER MYSELF.

I couldn't speak. I could only nod.

"I'm Jo Rowling," she smiled and extended her hand. "I loved your book."

I'm not sure why, but hearing that snapped me out of my daze enough to remember how to move my arms and I took her hand shaking it very quickly. "I love your... you," I managed to say.

I love your, you?

"I mean.. I love you."

That wasn't much better. She's going to wish she had brought her rape whistle with her.

GAH, LEILA SNAP OUT OF IT!

"I mean.. I love you and Harry Potter."

Oh Christ. You should probably just walk into traffic.

Jo started laughing, which was a good sign, and she was also tugging her hand away from mine, because I was holding it. Yes, holding it. Not shaking it, just holding it.

"I'm sorry," I shook my head, pulling my hand away, only then realizing that it was shaking. "I just.. I am a huge fan and wow. You're J.K Rowling and you read my book!" I laughed. "You're amazing."

She read my book.

SHE LOVED MY BOOK.

I NEED TO PISS.

I started bouncing again, because I was seriously about to wet myself.

"It's quite alright," she told me, still smiling. "And thank you, very much," she said, sounding like she'd never been called amazing before.

Silence.

"You're the entire reason I write," I blurted out.

Oh.. did I just say that to her? This is worse than me shouting things at Phil when I'd first met him.

But then again, I kind of did owe her that much. Harry Potter is what got me into writing...

She looked like a proud mother. A very speechless proud mother.

"Well, I should probably go," I nodded. Why, Leila, why are you saying you should go. Ask her to coffee! Talk to her!

I went to walk away but she snatched me by the elbow, tugging me back. "Woah! Watch out!" she said sounding serious and when I looked out in front of me I saw cars zooming by.

I'd almost walked out into traffic.

J.K Rowling saved my life.

After that, my thoughts had been cleared enough to actually speak to her without sounding like a complete idiot. I invited her to the movie premier, which may or may have been silly since a release date for the film hadn't even been decided yet, and we stayed there chatting through three more light changes.

Once I was away from her, I was running, because if I didn't get back to the building soon I was going to piss myself.

The lift took forever and I was bouncing around inside of it and when the elevator doors opened I ran out of them and down the hallway. I really wanted to tell Cat about what had just happened but Phil's apartment was closer than mine so I went there and let myself in.

"Hey babe," Phil said as I walked in.

I'm not sure where he was at, because I didn't stop for a chat, I ran down the hallway and into the bathroom, moaning loudly once I finally got on the toilet.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

Relief.

I washed my hands and then made my way back down the hallway, looking around for my boyfriend who I had straight up ignored. "Babe!" I chirped excitedly, bouncing again because I was itching to tell him about what had just happened.

He was sitting in the living room on the couch with his laptop on his lap and looked up at me like I'd gone insane. "Did you have a quick orgasm in there, sweetheart?" he laughed. "How did the signing go?"

"Pretty much," I laughed, picking up his laptop from his lap and replacing it with my bum. Once I sat down I grabbed his face and kissed him. "It went great!" I threw my head back, bouncing on his lap. "Guess who I met!" I squealed, but didn't give him a chance to reply before answering. "J.K Rowling!" I squealed again, kicking my legs. "Ahhh! I can't. I'm sorry. I am done!"

His mouth popped open and his eyes got huge. "What?!" he squealed in a high pitched voice. "You met- you met-" he repeated because apparently I put him into shock. "Oh my God! That's just- Oh my God! What was she like? What did she say? Did she smell nice? Oh, that's creepy."  
I was happy to see that Phil was just as excited as I was about this, because I desperately needed to release my inner fangirl right now. His excitement only increased mine more. "Yes!" I squealed, my fists balled up as I quickly jerked my arms in front of me. "She was so great. Like... even better than that piss I just took! She read my book! Can you believe that?! She read it and she actually liked it! Harry Potter's freakin' birth mother liked MY book! And she saved my life! I almost walked right into traffic because I went full Forrest Gump," I shook my head, laughing. "She smelled like... I don't know, but she was so just.. I can't," I threw my hands up, shaking my head again.

"She read your book?!" he asked, bouncing a bit and hanging on to me so I wouldn't topple over. "How amazing is that? Can you imagine it? She sat down with your book and read it. I sound creepy again," he laughed and reached up to cup the sides of my face before leaning in for a sweet, short kiss on my lips. "I do believe you have total proof that you are an amazing writer now, love," he grinned. "I could tell you all day. Even Cat could tell you all day. But the ONE has spoken," he laughed.

I couldn't keep myself from laughing. Gah. Phil was so perfect. Like seriously, I can't imagine any other guy, except for maybe Dan, who would get all giddy like this with me over J.K Rowling. Or even care about my writing. "Is it bad that her opinion matters so much?" I chuckled. "Or that I can see her sitting in a cafe reading my book? Or that the thought of that makes me want to go fap?" I snorted. Yes, snorted.

I was kidding.

Kinda.

"Not at all," he shook his head as he stroked my hair and looked at me. "She's your inspiration. She's like your hero. Of course her opinion matters a lot. Wow. Do you have any other dreams because I think most of them have come true?" he laughed.

I sighed happily, "Well yeah, but," I shrugged. The only few things I hadn't done in life that I'd dreamed of doing, other than ridiculous amounts of traveling, were getting married and popping out kids. "I can wait for the others," I smiled and leaned in to kiss him. I rested my forehead against his and sighed again. "I love you," I pecked his lips again.

He smiled and kissed my lips once more before leaning back to look at me. "I ordered pizza. It came right before you got here. I have no idea of where our children are so Cat didn't cook." He tilted his head to the side adjusted his hair. "You want to go get it out of the oven for us?"

"Of course she goes missing when I have fangirl things to discuss with her!" I laughed. "Although, you did a very good job at fangirling with me," I nodded, then moved to stand up and walk into the kitchen. "Did you have a good day today?" I asked as I opened the oven and pulled the pizza box out.

I could already taste the deliciousness. It took a great deal of self control to not just grab a piece and start nomming out on the spot.

I moved away from the oven and walked over to the cabinet to grab us a couple of plates then to the fridge to get us drinks. "What do you want to drink, baby?" I asked as I stared inside of it.

You know what would have been really good with this pizza?

Mountain Dew.

"I've got some water," he replied and I looked up to see him walking over to where I was which was odd seeing as though he'd asked me to get the pizza. "And yes, I had a good day today. Dan and I shot the S.A.P video and I'm almost done editing it."

"Wow," I tilted my head, a bit surprised. Come on, you guys know why. Their videos are never up until the wee hours of the morning here in London. "You must have been busy," I laughed then turned away from him and walked back towards the oven where the pizza box was sitting.

I lifted the top of it open and was instantly confused because there was a pile of napkins sitting on top of the pizza, and as I studied it I could see a black rectangular box sitting within them.

I kind of froze. I wasn't sure if the pizza guy did this or -

Okay, this had to be Phil's doings.

I glanced over at him and he was just staring at me, forcing a few strands of his hair against his face.

I looked back at the napkins and then picked them and the box up from the pizza.

I wasn't sure what to expect; which made me kind of nervous to open it, but I flipped the top of the box open to see a big string over silver with little charms hanging off of it shaped like books and double decker busses.

The smile on my face was cheesier than the pizza.

"Babe.." I said sounding more like a girl than ever.

When I picked it up I realized that there was a folded piece of paper inside of it, so I picked it up and sat the box down to read the note that had my name on the outside of it in Phil's handwriting.

**Will you move in with me? If you look at me now I'll be giving you my best pouty face. **

Of course, the first thing I did when I read the note was lookup at him, and of course he had his best pouty face on, his bottom lip poking out and his big blue eyes were on me looking sad.

A million thoughts hit me at once and for the first time in my life, I ignored every single one of them.

_What if... But... Too soon - _

Nope.

I'm pretty sure tears had collected in the back of my eyes, proving the fact that I do suffer from female emotions and responses to sweet, adorable things. I didn't say anything at first, I just grabbed him and hugged him as tightly as I possibly could, then pulled away to look at the bracelet he had gotten me, because I hadn't really had the chance to pay it the amount of attention that it deserved; but I still didn't, because after staring at it for a few seconds I grabbed him again and kissed him. "Yes," I nodded, pulling away slightly so I could see his face better. "Thank you.." I looked down at the bracelet in my hand again. "This is perfect. I love it... I love you," I told him, wiping the girl tears away with the back of my sleeve.

"Seriously?" he asked, grinning from ear to ear. He looked like a kid on Christmas morning. Had he actually thought I would say no? "Bloody hell I was so nervous," he laughed as he pulled me tighter against him. "I'm so happy," he whispered against my ear before kissing my ear lobe. He pulled back and tucked my hair behind my ear like he always did. "I just figured that since we're together all the time we might as well go for it. I want to wake up with you every morning and all of that sweet stuff," he chuckled. "And I already talked to Cat about it because I didn't want to her to hate me for like stealing you or something but she totally approved since you'll only be a few doors away." He laughed. "When I called her to talk to her about it she thought I was going to ask if she approved of me asking to marry you and she started screaming in front of everyone at work." He shook his head before leaning in to kiss me again. "It might sound crazy but I just want you near me as much as possible. I don't think I'll ever get enough of being with you."

When he said the word marry - even though he was completely joking - it felt like Big Bird was in my stomach trying to take flight, but in the best way possible. How I had come from being the girl who was terrified to admit that she was in love with her boyfriend to being the girl who was moving in with her boyfriend and getting excited and giddy over the thought of marrying him was far beyond me.

"The mental image I just got of that is just grand," I laughed, referring to Cat freaking out shamelessly in front of all of her coworkers. "I'm glad you talked to her about it though," I nodded. "Even though I won't be able to be the one to tell her." I am such a selfish cow. "And it doesn't sound crazy, at all. I love being with you," I told him as I leaned up to kiss him again.

"So Dan is okay with having another roommate?" I asked, tilting my head. I didn't want to get in the way of their - I'm not calling it a bromance. Too many Phan jokes for that.

He nodded, laughing. "Yeah. He was totally fine with it. You know he adores you even though you both relentlessly pick on each other." He gave me another kiss on the lips before letting me go and walking around me to get to the pizza. "I am sorry that you didn't get to tell Cat yourself," he said as he got a slice and put it on a plate. "But I felt like she'd be all alone in her flat because of me and hate me but then I realized Dan will probably be staying there a lot anyway," he shrugged and handed me the plate he'd put 2 slices of pizza on.

As he was preparing the pizza I slid the bracelet over my hand and stared at it again. This was probably one of the most thoughtful presents I'd ever been given - not counting the sweets Cat would make for me every 28 days, if you're picking up what I'm putting down.

"We have lots of sleepovers too," I laughed as I took the plate from him. "And don't be sorry," I kissed his cheek. "I think it's sweet that you went to her to make sure it was okay. It's almost like you asking my dad if you can marry me."

Big Bird was taking flight in the depths of my stomach again.

I grabbed my bottle of water and walked into the dining room to sit down when it hit me that I still had no concrete plans of staying in London or what the hell I was going to do about that.

But I didn't allow myself to think about that. The last time I started thinking about serious stuff like this, I scared myself and jeopardize our relationship. I wasn't about to let that happen again.

Once Phil was sitting at the table with me I cleared my throat and smiled at him. "I just have one request. Demand. No, request.. Remand?" I laughed. "I get to pay some of the rent and.." I moved my hands around on front of me. "You know, stuff like that," I nodded.

He raised an eyebrow and then shook his head. "You don't have to do that, sweetheart." He paused for a second and then smiled. "So, what would you have done if I asked you to marry me? And, by the way, I would find a more creative way to do it than that. It's a bit more important than the moving in thing," he grinned and winked at me. I had to give him props for finding a way to change the rent subject so quickly.

Okay, now Big Bird was giving everyone on Sesame Street flying lessons in my stomach and the smile that curved my lips could not be stopped. "I..." I laughed and shook my head and I could feel my cheeks heating up, like they used to when I'd first met him and could hardly look at him without melting. Funny how he could still find ways to turn me into a massive bucket of feelings and 'I can'ts.' "I guess you'll find out if you ask me to marry you," I finally responded after looking at him for several seconds, just smiling the biggest, most ridiculous smile ever. If that alone didn't answer his question, I'm not sure what could. "Forewarning, though. If that reduced me to tears then.." I trailed off and shook my head.

Oh, sneaky Phillip.

I had let the rent thing go completely. But, you guys know me, I wasn't actually going to let it go. "And, about the rent thing, yes I do. Your arguments are invalid," I laughed. "You know how I am. I'm _hard-headed,_" I used his accent.

He rolled his eyes as he took a sip of his water. "How about we discuss that later, hm?" he replied. "I'm just going to bask in the happiness of you agreeing to move in with me right now and then after that we can do whatever you like," he grinned and popped a piece of pepperoni into his mouth.

"Fine," I couldn't keep myself from smiling, because I too wanted to bask in the happiness that he'd actually asked me to move in. I hadn't seen it coming - but then again, had I seen any of the last few months of my life coming? "Well it's a shame that Dan still lives here because I'd like to _do _you on every surface in this place," I laughed, looking around before looking at him again. "_Our _place," I sighed happily before doing the same. "Oh!" I gasped after swallowing my bite. "We need to get a Christmas tree for here, or put one up if you and Dan already have one," I blurted out. Dan had pretty much been avoiding that conversation. I think Phil's Christmas spirit might have gotten on his nerves a bit.

He dropped his piece of pizza on the place and leaned back while gasping very dramatically. "You are a horrible fan!" he said while smacking a hand against the table. "You didn't see the Christmas tree video? Of course I have a Christmas tree!" He stopped looking horrified and smiled. "We can get it down and put it up sometime this week if you'd like or whenever we get you settled in here."

I looked offended by his statement. "Of course I've seen the Christmas tree video! I've seen all of your videos!" I defended, trying to sound as offended as I was making myself look. "How do you think I kept myself from going insane while we were.. while I was being a tit? I cycled through them everyday!" I shook my head then laughed. "I just forgot about that one because I was busy thinking about your penis," I stuck my tongue out at him. "But that sounds good," I nodded. "You've got mad Christmas tree decorating skills. I am actually really jealous."

He just sat there and stared at me with that cute grin of his before he pushed his chair back and stood up. He didn't say a word as he moved closer to me and then bent down to slide one arm under my legs and the other behind my back. Seconds later I was in his arms and headed down the hallway. His bedroom door was already open so he walked into the room with me before sitting me down on the cabinet in his room instead of the bed.

"You said you can't stop thinking about my penis," he told me as he walked back over to the door. He closed it and then locked it before he turned to walk towards me again. "And you said you wanted to have sex on every surface of the apartment," he spoke as he took his shirt off and dropped it on the floor. He stopped in front of me and unbuttoned his jeans before unzipping them. He looked up at me and placed his hands on my knees, slowly sliding them up my thighs. "We can start in here," he whispered before leaning in and pressing his lips against mine wasting no time in slipping his tongue past my lips and moving it with mine in a very passionate kiss.

While he was kissing me his hands made it to the top of my pants but instead of beginning to take them off, he slipped one of his hands between my legs and began rubbing his fingers against my pussy through my clothes.

Up until he started doing that, I had been amused to the point of laughter - because who in the hell goes from talking about Christmas trees to being carried into a bedroom to be felt up?

Oh Phil, you never cease to surprise me.

I kissed him back as I wrapped my legs around his hips, forcing him as close as possible before trailing one of my hands down his stomach and into his pants.

Well hello, Phil's penis.

I wrapped my hands around it, laughing against his lips. "Damn, babe. I didn't know Christmas talk gave you such a yule log," I snorted at myself, because that's attractive and something you should be doing when your boyfriend is being all sexy and trying to turn you on.

His lips had trailed from mine to the side of my neck at this point and he started laughing, his lips still on my neck. "I don't think the Christmas talk did it. Just looking at you did," he whispered before nipping at my skin.

He pulled back from kissing and grinned at me as his hands moved to the top of my pants again and he undid them pretty damn fast. He grabbed the top of them along with my panties before quickly pulling them down and off.

"Mmm. Now that's sight that never gets old," he said in an extremely seductive voice as his eyes scanned over my exposed lower half. "You can take care of the rest," he told me, pointing at my shirt. "I've got something else to do," he said as he dropped down to his knees in front of me. He pushed my legs apart pretty roughly and glanced up at me before leaning forward and slowly dragging his tongue along my slit.

He moaned and looked up at me. "Delicious as always," he said before his tongue found my clit and he flicked it against it before wrapping his lips around it and beginning to suck hard. Really hard.

Oh holy fuck. This man's mouth.

I moaned out loudly and my head fell back against the wall with a loud thud. I moved my hands into his hair and opened my legs further for him. Seconds later I felt two of his fingers slip deep inside of me. "So wet," he whispered, pulling his mouth away from me as he stood up but continued moving his fingers in and out of me. "You're so tight," he whispered, leaning in to kiss my lips again.  
He was killing me with his little dirty comments. As if I wasn't wet enough.

He moved his fingers out of me and I whimpered without thinking of doing it. I needed him inside of me.

"Just a second, sweetheart," he grinned as he opened the drawer next to my leg. He pulled out a condom and I watched when he slipped it on. I hated that thin barrier that we had to have between us. I wanted to feel him completely again like in the hotel that night.  
I realized then that I hadn't taken my top of like he instructed. I was too buys nearly cumming all over his pretty lips. I quickly pulled off my sweater before undoing my bra.

"Fuck," he whispered under his breath as he looked over my body. His hands roamed up the sides of my thighs to my hips before he roughly pulled me as close to the edge of the cabinet as possible. He kept his eyes on me as he wrapped his fingers around the base of his shaft and began rubbing it on my already drenched pussy. I could feel myself throbbing from wanting him so badly.

Finally, I felt the head slip in and I was already moaning. I wanted him so much that I was shaking.

He slipped completely inside me which caused me to moan out loudly. There was something indescribable about him filling me up that way. He held my hips tight and I kept my legs open wide as he began moving inside of me. He started out at a faster pace than usual.

He was biting down on his bottom lip and staring at me as our bodies moved together making the cabinet I was sitting on make a weird squeaking noise. He dipped down and took my right nipple into his mouth before biting at it as he continued thrusting inside of me.  
I was moaning loudly with each movement. At that point I didn't care if Dan or Cat or the both of them walked in. What Phil was doing to me felt way too good.

He kissed up my chest until he got to my collar bone and he dragged his teeth across a spot on it before lightly biting me while simultaneously thrusting into me very hard.

"Fuck!" I screamed out, not expecting it. It felt so fucking good. It was ridiculous how good he was at his. I loved the feeling of his hands holding my hips so hard to steady me so he could pound himself hard into me.

His breaths were loud and shaky as he began moving faster, the cabinet squeaking louder along with his movements. His pace quickened more and our bodies began meeting audibly. We were both moaning each time he hit deep inside of me. Every thrust felt like it would push me over the edge.

He leaned pressed his lips hard against mine and began kissing me passionately never once changing his pace or how hard he was moving. Our moans were lost in the kiss which was rather sloppy because of what we were doing but I didn't care. Everything felt so good.  
"I'm so fucking close, baby. Don't stop," I whispered breathlessly as I felt that familiar tightening in my stomach and the tingling down my legs that let me know I was very close.

His eyes were downward and he looked up at me after I had spoken. "Watch me fuck you," he whispered, his head tilting down between us.  
So hot. I can't handle him sometimes.

I looked between us and could see his cock moving in and out of me. It was so wet from how wet I was. Watching his cock completely disappear inside me over and over was one of the hottest things I had ever seen.

I grabbed his forearms and looked up at him again. He was close. I could tell by the look in his eyes and how frantic his thrusts were coming.

"Cum on my cock," he whispered, a moan following soon after.  
That's all it took. 4 little words and the feeling of his length hitting as deep inside of me as possible pushed me over the edge.  
I screamed out, my head falling back against the wall as I started to cum. He held my hips harder trying to keep himself inside of me since my walls were tightening so hard on him I could've easily pushed him out.

He thrusted hard a few more times before his body went rigid and I could feel him pulsating inside of me, twitching as he started to cum. He let out a loud moan seconds after like he'd been holding his breath until that moment.

Feeling him cum only intensified my own orgasm. It felt so amazing. He was the only person who could make me cum that way. I was seeing stars and my ears were ringing.

"Bloody hell," he whispered, leaning forward with his head on my shoulder. "You're so amazing," he whispered before pulling back from my shoulder and pressing his lips against mine. He moved his arms to pick me up again and walked us over to the bed before he laid me down on it.

He looked down and took a deep breath as he looked over my body and grinned. He was breathless and flushed like I'm sure I am. He walked away for a moment to dispose of the condom before coming back over to the bed and crawling onto it to lie down next to me.

"Enjoy yourself?" he asked, grinning as he reached over and began trailing his fingertips slowly up and down the middle of my stomach.

I laid there panting for air, my whole body numb and shaky as I looked at him. "Very much," I answered with a breathless laugh. "Just.. wow," I laughed again, shaking my head as I raised my hand up to caress his cheek. I studied his face. His eyes. The hair that fell over them. His lips. "I love you," I said out of nowhere; it was like looking at him made me realize it all over again. How much I loved him, how much he meant to me. How lucky I was to have him. "So much," I slipped my hand from his cheek to the back of his hair and pulled his face closer to mine, kissing him.

His arms wrapped around me and he rolled sideways so that I was lying on top of him as we kissed. He held me close to him with one of his arms and his other hand was in my hair as he kissed me back. He broke the kiss and smiled against my lips, the both of us breathless. "I love you too," he whispered. "You're about to have me ready for round 2," he laughed before kissing me again.

I laughed against his lips then pulled away to look at his face. "What surface should we break in next?" I asked, tilting my head as I dipped down to kiss his chest. "Actually, I'll give you some time to think about that while I do this," I smiled up at him as I started lowering my body, leaving a trail of kisses down his torso and onto his hips. Once I got to where I needed to be I looked up at him again and was about to say something minxy when I heard a door slam somewhere in the apartment. It was probably the front door, since he and I had been alone.

"CAT, SERIOUSLY, WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM RIGHT NOW?!" I heard Dan scream. "YOU ARE TAKING EVERYTHING I SAID THE WRONG WAY!"

I glanced at the door then at Phil and sighed, shaking my head before crawling back up the bed to lay down beside him. "Well there goes that idea."

"Bloody hell," he groaned, running his fingers through his hair. "They're probably just trolling us. You know they've been plotting against us ever since-"

"OH!" Cat laughed but it was her scary laugh she only used while livid. "It's too soon to meet my parents." She imitated Dan's accent. "It's too soon to meet your parents? How the fuck else am I supposed to take that? I mean, I wasn't aware that we were still in a too soon for something area. You didn't think it was too soon to stick your dick in me on the first date. What is it Dan? Is it because I'm not some sweet, innocent, boring little twat that will sit around in a dress and please Mommy and Daddy with happy little stories about taking photos at fundraisers and bullshit back in LA? We can't have them knowing the truth which is that your girlfriend might work for People but she got that job because of you, her parents smoke pot, she came from a middle of fucking nowhere town in the south, she curses like a sailor and definitely is not a lady."

"What are you even fucking talking about? Do you realize how bloody insane you sound right now? Seriously, do you even have the slightest clue?" Dan's voice was louder now, and I knew by that, that they were getting closer to the hallways. Or they may have even been standing in it. "You weren't supposed to take it the way you are and act like some psychotic person who is off of their fucking meds!" he shouted. "It's real good to know what you think of me and how I view you though, thanks for that. I really bloody appreciate it, Cat!"

I had never heard Dan speak like this to anyone, let alone Cat. He didn't even go this far off of the deep end when he went off on McKenzie on Thanksgiving. Neither had Cat.

I was seriously debating whether or not this was an act. I mean, Cat made it quite clear that she could put it on when need be. Sure, she sounded extremely pissed off but Phil was right, they had been plotting against us, and this was definitely a good way to troll us.

"I'm not entirely sure that they're trolling us," Phil whispered, a worried look on his face.

"Yes, Dan. Just turn it around on me." Oh shit. She was crying. Like forreal crying.  
"This is all me being a crazy bitch because I do that so fucking often and everything!" she was shouting and crying. Bad. Bad. Bad.  
"What would you have thought if you mentioned meeting my Mom and Dad and I got a look of fucking horror on my face and said 'It's too soon'." There was silence for a few seconds apart from mine and Phil's breathing and then footsteps. "I knew it. I knew this shit was too good to be true. I don't-" she paused. "Fuck it," she laughed and I heard more footsteps before a door slammed loudly.

"Oh God," Phil spoke up sounding like he was scared. "I really hope that wasn't real but I think it was."

I rolled out of Phil's bed. Oh wow.. _our _bed, and started frantically looking around for something to cover myself with. The first thing I saw was a pair of Phil's pajama pants, so I put them on followed by my bra and one of his hoodys. I didn't say anything to Phil as I stumbled towards the door. I tried to open it, then remembered that'd he locked it. It took my longer than usual to get the damn thing open because I was freaking the fuck out.

Once I got it unlocked, I pulled it open and didn't bother closing it as I walked into the hallway, looking around. I saw that Dan's door was open and that the light was off so I knew they hadn't gone in there - which scared me further because I did hear a door slam.

I crept down the other end of the hallway into the living room to see Dan standing there on his phone. He was obviously texting someone.

"What the fuck was that?" I asked. "If you two are fucking with us, you better say so right now because that's not funny," I told him, my voice louder than normal.

"Am I laughing?" Dan snapped, slamming his phone against the table. "She's gone off of the deep end for not bloody reason!" He yelled at me. I didn't take the yelling to heart because I could tell that he was mad - but what he said?

"I find that highly unlikely," I commented. "I've known her for a long time, she doesn't just get that pissed off for no reason," I said, pointing towards the door. "Where is she?"

"Well she did," he huffed. "And the fuck if I know, she left," he shrugged.

I didn't bother asking him for an explanation of what had happened. Dan was awesome, but he was still a guy. Guy's can't really tell when they've done or said something completely out of line. Instead, I moved towards the front door, swung it open and then shut it behind me as I walked into the hallway and went directly towards our apartment. Or her apartment. Whatthefuckever.

Luckily it wasn't locked, because I didn't have my key on me. I looked around the living room but I didn't see her in there, so I started down the hallway that lead to our bedrooms. "Cat?" I called out. A sniffling sound from the end of the hallway let me know that she was in her bedroom and I slowly opened the door to see that she was sitting on her bed crying.

And I mean sobbing, crying.

"Hey," I said quietly as I poked my head inside of it before walking in. "What - are you okay?" I asked as I moved towards her to sit on the bed beside her. "What happened?"

She put her hands over her face and shook her head. This was her normal reaction when she cried. She hated crying and especially crying in front of people, even me. She did that for a few seconds before dropping her hands and taking a deep shaky breath.

"We were at dinner and everything was fine," she managed to say with a hoarse sounding voice. "We started talking about Thanksgiving and whatnot and he said something about his parents not being as cool as mine and I said I'd love to meet them and he just like goes blank. He looked like he'd seen a ghost. Then he said that it was too soon," she explained. "Too soon," she said it again. "Okay, I know it might sound stupid but that really hurt my feelings. It's like oh I'm in love with you and I've said I'd marry you but it's too soon for you to meet my parents? What the fuck? It's like he's ashamed of me or something."

"It doesn't sound stupid," I reassured her. "I wasn't there but I know you, you don't get this upset for no reason." There are a lot of things to take into consideration when stuff like this happens. The way someone presents something can really shape how the other person perceives it, so even if he didn't mean anything by what he said, he obviously laid it out for her in the wrong way... "That's impossible," I told her, sounding like a protective mother. I already knew what she was getting at with that last comment. "Cat, Dan is not Mr. My-nose-is-bigger-than-my-cock," I decided to use Nigel's, Cat's stupid fucking ex boyfriend's nickname instead of his actual name because I couldn't dignify him at all by using it. Seriously, I don't really hate anyone, and I think I might actually hate this guy. He fucked Cat up mentally for a long time.. Sometimes I still didn't think she had really ever gotten over the way he had treated her. "Maybe he's just scared of what you'll think of them? I mean, you said that he said they weren't as cool as yours... Or maybe he's just scared in general of taking that step? I know he's not ashamed of you."

"I don't know," she shook her head as she ran her fingers through the front of her hair. "I hate that he made me feel this way," she said as she pulled her boots off and kicked them onto the floor. "I never, ever thought that Dan would do anything that made me feel like my heart just fell out of my asshole and my world just got ripped out from under memm and that's how I felt when he said that." She slipped her sweater off and threw it across the room before crawling up to the top of her bed and pulling the covers back. She crawled under them and covered her head up with her blanket. "This is so not happening right now, Leila," she spoke softly and in this devastatingly sad tone. "It makes me want to puke."

Honestly? It made me want to puke too. I couldn't stand hearing and seeing her like this. It broke my heart for her. I sighed quietly as I crawled across the bed and laid down beside her. I wished that I wasn't shit at this kind of stuff. I never know what to say and what not to say. So I sat there in silence for a few minutes, thinking. "You can puke on me if you want. I do owe you one.." I laughed, trying to lighten the mood, but I didn't think it would help at all. Phil had never done anything like that to hurt me, but I do know how it feels to feel like you might lose the person you love. Nothing can take that kind of pain away. "I don't think that he meant to do it," I spoke up again. "He does love you, you know. I'm not taking up for him," I told her. Sadly, whether he meant to hurt her or not, he did. "It's shit, because you're right.. how he thinks it's too soon is ridiculous, especially since he openly admitted to wanting mini-Cans and to make you Cat Howell.. but he is _Dan_. He got scared over liking you too much and his emotions.. he's a guy, a younger guy. Guys are generally dumbshits anyways," I added the last part, hoping it might make her laugh. Or at least smile.

She moved the covers away from her face and I could see tears rolling down her cheeks but she did smile. Good job, Leila!

But then I saw her face scrunch up and she lost it big time out of nowhere. "Just snuggle with me, okay?" she asked, scooting closer to me and gripping onto the front of the shirt I was wearing.

"Hey." I looked up to see Phil standing in the doorway and he looked down at Cat with big eyes then at me and mouthed out 'Oh my God'. I sort expected him to leave because it's hard to know what to do in a situation like this but instead he walked right in and sat down on the bed beside Cat whose face was smashed against my neck.

"Cat, sweetie," he spoke as he reached over to rub her back. "Dan is not ashamed of you. I think this is a very big misunderstanding, honestly."

Awww, he was being so sweet. For some reason I instantly imagined him comforting our daughter if we ever had one.

Whoa now, Leila. Calm down.

"Phil," she rolled over so that she was on her back and he could see her. "You didn't see that look on his face. Like- like the last thing in the world he wanted was for that to happen." She took a deep breath and brought her hand up to pinch the bridge of her nose. "Maybe I am overreacting. I don't know. I just know that it felt like-" she shook her head because I'm guessing she couldn't talk anymore since fresh tears started flowing and going back into her hair because she was lying on her back.

Ah fuck, don't cry.

I had to look away for a second, because I could feel my eyes burn like I was about to start bawling right along with her. I just felt so horrible for her and the worst part was that I knew there was nothing I could do. And as sweet as Phil was being, there was nothing he could do either. The only person who could fix this was Dan.

I opened my mouth to speak but I heard a buzzing sound before I could get a word out. My hands instantly went to my hips to check for my phone but then I realized I was wearing pajama pants and that I didn't have my phone with me, and then I realized that the sound was coming from the nightstand beside me. Cat didn't really seem too interested in the fact that it was ringing, and when I looked down at it I saw she had new text alerts; they were probably from Dan, but this phone call wasn't. The ID read; **Bossy Boss. **"Uh, Cat.." I picked her phone up. "I think it's your boss?" Who the hell else would be saved under Bossy Boss?

She opened her eyes and sat up really fast, nearly knocking Phil over. She put her hand on his arm and laughed a bit. "Sorry babe." Her phone was still going off in my hand and she took it from me with a very shaky hand to answer it.

"Hello?" she cleared her throat to sound normal. "Oh, no I'm not sick. I had just fallen asleep," she forced a laugh and then just listened. Phil and I were watching her facial expressions like they were going to magically tell us what her boss was saying. Cat's eyes got wide. "Tonight?" she asked and then rubbed her forehead. "Uh huh. Yes ma'am." She threw the covers off of her self and began crawling off of the bed. "Okay. I'll be there." She walked over to her wardrobe and opened it before starting to grab random things.

"What the hell is happening?" Phil whispered to me and I shrugged in response. I was just as lost as he was.

"It's totally okay. I understand...You too. Bye." She sighed loudly as she stuck her phone in her back pocket. "I have to be at the airport in 45 minutes. We have this huge shoot to do that was scheduled for next week in Paris and something has gone wrong so the only available time is for 7 am."

"What?" Phil asked. "That's crazy."

"Everything about this night is crazy," she said as she walked over to the bed and bent down to pull her luggage out from under it. "Leila would you mind helping me out? I have 8 million thoughts running through my head and I don't want to like forget panties or something important."

I quickly rose to my feed and nodded. "Of course," I said, walking towards her dresser and opening the top drawer; since she'd mentioned panties, I figured I should get those first. After I grabbed a handful of them, a few tanks and a few bras, because I had no idea how long she'd be gone for, I walked back over to the bed. "Hey, do you want me to go with you?" I asked. I really didn't want her to have to be alone right now. "I don't care to go.. I've actually always wanted to go to Paris," I told her as I started folding a few of the things she'd laid down on the bed.

She turned to look at me with a handful of clothes in her arms. I could already see about 5 things she didn't need to bring with her. She was always horrible at packing.

"I can't just take you away from here like that," she shook her head. "I don't want you to have to be away from Phil and home and everything because I'm a nutcase."

"Hey," Phil stood up and walked over to her. "I don't mind having to be away from her if it's for you. Don't let me stop you from asking her to go with you. I know that you want her to."

She glanced from Phil to me and back to Phil. I could already see fresh tears building up.

That's the thing about Cat. She hardly ever cried but if she got started she could not stop. Even if it was over dropping a cookie on the floor or something.

She dropped all of the clothes she'd been holding and stepped on them just to throw her arms around Phil and hug him tightly. "You are the best best friend's boyfriend ever." I heard her say even though her voice was muffled against his shirt.

"Whoa now," he laughed, pulling back so he could see her. "I'm your best friend too. Duh."

"True," she laughed and reached up to pet his head. She cleared her throat as she let go of him to look at me. "You better go pack because I'm taking your ass to Paris," she pointed at me before bending over to pick up the clothes she dropped.

"Eep!" I squealed, way to excited given the circumstances - but it was Paris! And I hadn't had a lot of Lecat time since we'd been in London anyways. I wrapped my arms around her, squeezing her. "Okay, I'm going to go pack! But um.." I let go of her and grabbed the bikini top that was laying on top of her luggage, "I don't think you'll need this," I said. "Or this," I picked up something that was really lacy.

"Oh God, help me," she sighed, laughing. "I've got this. Forreal. I'll get my shit together and get packed without swim suits and slut-wear or whatever you'd call it."

"Come on. I'll help you pack," Phil took my hand and walked with me out of Cat's room. When we got into my room he closed the door behind us and immediately wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close to him. "This reminds me way too much of that horrible fight you and I had and I'm just so happy we got past that and you're still mine," he said as he held me against him. "I love you so much."

I wrapped my arms back around him, squeezing him. Honestly, I felt the same way, that this just reminded me of how I almost ruined our relationship because I was scared. No one could talk me out of it, not even Cat. I just hoped that Dan would finally figure out a way to make this right.

"I love you too," I looked up at him and caressed his cheek. "I know you don't like getting in the middle, but, please try to talk to him while we're gone?" I asked. "I'll be doing the same," I said, then pulled away and grabbed his hand again, leading him out of Cat's apartment and into the hallway, back to our flat.

Dan was sitting on the couch holding his phone and he just looked at us as we came back in. "Do you have a suitcase I can use?" I asked Phil as I let go of his hand and walked towards the corner of the room where my shoes were sitting.

"Why do you need a suitcase?" Dan blurted out.

"I'm going away with Cat," I told him as I picked them up then turned around to see a very shocked look on his face.

"Where are you two going?" he asked quickly. "She's not going back to Los Angeles is she? Phil, stop them!" he said as he got to his feet.

I sighed. "No, we're going to Paris," I shook my head. He looked even more confused. "Cat's boss called like ten minutes ago, her shoot got pushed forward so we have to leave like now."

"Oh..." he said quietly, looking just as dumbfounded as before as he looked between Phil and I. "Is she.." he trailed off.

I shrugged, guessing what he was about to say. "She's upset. I'm going to talk to her, but you're the only one who can-"

Dan shook his head and waved his hand dismissively at me before turning and walking down the hallway.

I glanced at Phil, hoping he was better at reading Dan than I was. I couldn't tell if that was anger, sadness, or a mixture of the two.

"Wow. Great way to deal with the situation there, Dan," Phil said as he walked into his room. I followed along behind him and didn't say anything. I honestly didn't know how Cat would react if Dan went over there anyway.

After Phil got me the suitcase we made our way back to mine and Cat's apartment and finished up packing in record time. We were silent on the elevator ride down to the lobby. Phil held my hand and Cat was leaned against the wall looking exhausted and miserable. She didn't even mention going to see or speak to Dan before leaving and neither of us questioned her on it.

Once we made it outside and put our things into the cab it was time for the hard part.

"I know it's only a few days but I am dreading you being gone," Phil told me as he brought his hands up to my cheeks and rubbed his thumbs softly over my cheek bones. "It's going to suck not waking up with you."

This suddenly started to feel more like that night in Los Angeles. Actually, that was the only thing I could think of. How horrible it had been to walk away. I knew this was different though, and that I'd be coming back, and I wasn't leaving because I was scared, and I wasn't even walking away, but it still felt bad. I didn't like it. "It's going to suck not falling asleep with you tonight," I said as I wrapped my arms around him. "We owe each other lots of cuddling when I get back," I nodded, squeezing him a little tighter.

He laughed as he leaned down and pressed his forehead against mine. "Lots of cuddling," he said softly before kissing my lips. "And kissing and other things," he grinned. "We can Skype and talk on the phone. Everything will be okay. You'll be home before you know it." He pressed his lips against mine again and pulled me closer to him, deepening the kiss and obviously not giving a shit that people were walking by. I certainly didn't. "I love you so much," he whispered against my lips. "Please be safe."

"I love you too," I said just as quietly as I rested my forehead against his. "Try not to get into any weird situations while I'm gone," I somehow managed to laugh. I knew I needed to let go of him and get into the cab but it was so much harder than I ever thought it would be. There was no way I could move back to America if saying bye for three days was this hard. "I'll miss you," I said as I pulled away, then popped another kiss against his lips. I had his hand in mine and held onto it until the distance between us made his fingers fall from my grasp.

"I already do," I sighed, keeping my eyes on him as I got into the cab.

The driver shut my door and I stared at him through the window, waving, then making a heart with my hands, not looking away as the car took off until I couldn't see him anymore.


	28. Personally Victimized By RPattz

Dan's POV

Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh God. Oh no.

I should have taken the stairs.  
Why didn't I take the stairs?  
Why am I so bloody lazy?

UGH.

"Phil!" I called out as I walked into our apartment in a panic. "Phil?! Where are you?" I looked around the living room, then in towards the kitchen and Phil was nowhere to be found.

Ugh.

"Phil, seriously, if you're here, speak up. It's important!" I said as I hurried down the hallway and into his room. It was empty.

Damn it, Phil!

I walked out of his room and went straight into the bathroom where I scrubbed my mouth with a toothbrush for the better part of ten minutes. It still didn't feel clean.

I probably could have gargled bleach and it still wouldn't have felt that way.

Assuming that Phil wasn't home, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and scrolled through my contacts until I found his number. I hit send and headed further down the hallway when I heard his phone ringing from behind me and I looked over my shoulder to see him standing there, looking way too creepy, his hair pointing in about 50 different directions.

"Jesus Christ!" I gasped slapping my hand over the left side of my chest because he had scared me. "Where have you been? I was yelling for you!" I said as I hung up my phone. "I need to talk to you."

"What about? I haven't even had my coffee," he grumbled as he began walking towards the kitchen. "Why are you even awake?"

Why am I awake? I'm close to having a panic attack and he's asking me why I'm up? Best friend of the year award goes to Phil, everyone. "I haven't been to bed," I admitted as I followed behind him, speeding up once we were out of the narrow hall so I could stand in front of him. "Your bloody coffee can wait, Phil! I just got sexually assaulted!" I blurted out. "I don't know what to do! I saw her laptop and, and, if she recorded Leila then I know she recorded me and-" my hands were at my head, tugging at my hair as I more or less had a nervous breakdown in front of Phil.

He definitely looked awake now. "Wait, wait. What the hell?" he asked, shaking his head and his hands around. "I'm guessing you're talking about McKenzie? She sexually assaulted you? What? Why? Well, she's crazy so that'd be why but _how?_"

"Yes, she sexually assaulted me!" I said, moving my hands from my hair and talking with them as I continued to freak out over it. "She just.. and she, and her mouth," I stuck my tongue out and scrunched my face up, looking as if I was snogging the air in a very sloppy, disgusting manner. "Then she..." I shook my head making a horrified face. You would have thought I'd just been sodomized by something big and pointy with lots of jagged edges.

I might as well have been, after what she did to me. I didn't want her to touch me. I didn't want anyone to touch me like that.

Except for Cat.

"Okay Dan," he held his hands out towards me. "You've got to calm down. I have no bloody idea of what you're talking about so you sound insane," he laughed. "Let's go sit down and you take a deep breath and tell me what the crazy girl did. Alright?"

I nodded and took a big deep breath as I walked over to the table and took a seat across from Phil. "Okay, so..."

-

I was walking home from Starbucks being all broady and miserable, alternating between slurping on a s'mores frappuccino and shoving Maltesers into my mouth, eating my feelings because I miss Cat. Like really, really miss her; and she won't speak to me. I'd called her a few times, left her voice messages, and I'd sent her numerous texts and I'd gotten nothing in return.

I felt like someone had opened me up and rearranged my organs so that my heart was somewhere near my bum and my stomach was stretched out so far that it had more or less turned into a bottomless pit.

Everything was shit. Complete shit. I felt like there was no way that I could ever fix any of this.

I should have just gone to her apartment. I should have followed her. No, I shouldn't have let her leave in the first place. Then we could have talked and yeah, she might still be in Paris right now, but at least I wouldn't have this horrible sick feeling consuming me and I wouldn't feel like I had single handedly ruined our relationship.

Did I understand why she had gotten so upset? Not entirely, but I'm sure, had we actually had the chance to talk things over, I would have. But no, I had to get pissed off then continue to be the most stubborn person in the world.

And now? I'm working very hard on getting heart disease. Why not? It already feels like it's ruined anyways.

I need something deep fried.

I wonder if I can deep fry some Maltesers? I'm going to google that.

I walked into my apartment building and rounded the corner of the lobby to see Satan herself standing at the lift.

I'm just going to take the stairs then.

YEAH. That's how much I didn't want to be around McKenzie. My lazy ass was about to walk up several flights of stairs to avoid being near her - but then the lift chimed and the doors opened and all of the familiar temptations of being a lazy bastard hit me, and oh bloody hell, I really wanted deep fried Maltesers, and the lift could get me there faster than my own two feet.

So guess what I did?

I got in the bloody lift with Satan.

I could feel her eyes on me but I didn't look at her. I just watched the numbers on the lift change and basically sucked the bottom out of my Starbucks cup.

S'mores frapps, yo. They're fucking good. I should have gotten two. I should go get another one after I batter up my Maltesers.

I bet Cat could make amazing deep fried Maltesers.

Jesus on a boat, I feel like a woman.

Right before the doors opened I saw her turn her body towards me and I instinctively stepped to the side.

"Okay, I know you hate me," she began. Well, that was accurate. "And if I wasn't totally desperate for help then I wouldn't be talking to you right now."

The door opened and I stepped out completely ignoring her. I walked as fast as I could because I just did not and could not deal with her.

"Dan, please!" she shouted behind me sounding like she was about to cry. "Something is wrong with my laptop and I need to buy my tickets to go home."

Home? As in America? As in not in England?

I stopped and turned around to see her right behind me. Why was everyone trying to scare the hell out of me today? There were tears rolling down her cheeks and I probably sound like an asshole but they had no effect on me.

"What's it doing?" I asked.

"It's just like frozen. I can't get it to confirm the order," she told me while flailing her arm around.

"Fine," I sighed. If there was any way that I could help get her the fuck away from us then I'd do it.

"Oh my God. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" she spoke really fast while bouncing up and down.

I followed her to her apartment and to my doom.

She opened the door and stepped to the side so I could walk in. "I really do appreciate it," she told me. I could feel her looking up at me but ignored her gazed and continued slurping on my frappuccino that was basically gone, making that really annoying empty slurp sound.

"I'm just going to grab my laptop," she said, then disappeared down the hall.

I looked around her flat. It didn't really look like she was leaving for good, but I did see luggage sitting by the wall, which confirmed that she _was_ leaving.

A few minutes later she reappeared carrying her laptop, that was already opened up and she sat it down on the coffee table, then gestured for me to take a seat on the couch.

I sat on the floor and then continued to judge her even further because she had a Dell.

Basic bitch.

What, I don't like her? Maybe if I did, I wouldn't judge her choice of computer.

I also noticed that everything on the screen was very pink, and the time showed up as being six hours earlier than what it really was; which is probably a really irrelevant detail, but I noticed it, so why not share?

"You might have to call them," I commented as I scrolled down the page. All of her information was entered in and I saw that her flight was scheduled for this evening.

"Are you sure?" she slid off of the couch and sat next to me.

Her arm was touching me.  
Arm. Touching. Me.  
Ew.

I know I was being childish. I do not give a fuck.

"Yeah, I'm sure," I said as I turned to look at her while sort of leaning my head away because she was quite close.

She was grinning at me. It was a creepy grin. Her eyes moved up and down like she was checking me out or something.  
I suddenly realized it was probably a bad idea to come into her apartment.

"I think you can fix it," she said in a seductive voice as she leaned closer to me.

Oh hell no.

I held my hands up to keep her away and opened my mouth to say something but she did some sort of psycho girl ninja move. She grabbed my hands and got them out of her way before leaning in and pressing her lips hard against mine.

OH FUCK. OH MY GOD. WHAT THE FUCK?

I was frozen. This was definitely not a situation I had ever been in.  
She was face raping me!  
Her hands released from mine and just as her tongue- oh fuck, I'm going to gag- slipped into my mouth she grabbed my face and moaned against my lips.

I finally realized my hands were free and quickly pushed myself away from her.

"What are you even doing?!" I asked, wiping the back of my arm across my mouth to rid myself of the McKenzie saliva that was all around it from her sloppy snog.

"What I've wanted to do since the first time I met you," she said as she crawled closer to me. "I thought I could change your mind about some things.. Show you what you're missing out on. I may be younger than Cat, but that doesn't mean that I don't know a thing or two."

I gave her a sour look as I leaned back further. "I'm don't even think I'm with Cat anymore and I still don't want you, McKenzie!" I blurted out.

She must have disregarded the fact that I said I didn't want her, because she was smiling. "You two broke us?" she asked. "I would say I'm sorry, but I'm not. I mean you two were only together for a little while. You'll get over her.. You can start here," as she spoke she was inching towards me and then she literally pounced on me, knocking me back against the floor. She started kissing me again as she settled on top of my hips, straddling me.

NO. NO. NO. NO.

RAPE!

DO NOT WANT.

"Get the hell off of me!" I said against her lips, which tasted of plastic from her lip gloss. I raised my hands up to her shoulders and rolled onto my side - she then rolled us again, so that she was on the floor and I was on top of her, her hands grabbing for my face again as she wrapped her legs around my waist.

"Come on, Dan don't be like that. I know that you're interested. It's why, when I would come around, you would avoid me. I get that you didn't want to hurt Cat, but she's out of the picture now."

"Are you fucking delusional?" of course she was. "I avoided you because you are creepy! I would rather bed Susan Boyle," I grumbled as I wiggled my way out of her grasp. "I'm not interested. I'm never going to be interested. Ever. As in, we, are never, EVER, ever, going to get together, yeah?" I said as I pushed myself off of the floor.

She looked mad as she propped herself onto her elbows, but she didn't say anything and her look of anger changed into an evil grin as she tilted her head. "Fine," she shrugged.

Fine?

I didn't like the sound of that.

"You can let yourself out," she added, still smiling as she went directly to her laptop. I could hear her clicking on the mouse before she closed it and looked at me again. "I'll see you next year, Dan."

-

"And that's how it happened," I sighed, my face buried against my palms. "If you could have seen the look on her face, Phil," I lifted my head to look at him. "It was horrific. I don't know what she's up to.. but she's up to something. I just know she is."

Phil was sitting on the couch across from me with his hand over his mouth which I could tell was wide open. He was definitely shocked.  
"Oh my God," he finally said as he moved his hand away from his mouth. "Cat is going to like murder her. I can just see it now. And I'm honestly not shocked that it happened Dan. I mean, come on. She proved she was nuts when she pulled that stuff with Leila. I know you're not in the best place mentally right now but that was a totally bad judgment call on your part," he laughed and shook his head as he stood up from the couch and walked towards the kitchen.

I didn't even want to think about what Cat's reaction to this would be if she heard about it. Or when, rather. I was just waiting for some kind of explosion to happen. Though, from the way she was acting, it really seemed like she didn't care. Of course I knew that she did. Feelings aren't a bloody lightswitch you can flip on and off anytime you please.

"Thanks, Phil. That makes me feel loads better," I rolled my eyes. "I was trying to do something for the greater good here and get rid of her, even if it was only for the holidays," I said, my words muffled against the table, since I had laid my face against it. "I don't know what to do," I sighed. "What if she recorded it? What if she posts it online somewhere? I am not in the mood to deal with the backlash of her and her fucking crazy."

"I'm sorry, Dan. I wasn't trying to be an asshole or anything," he told me as he poured water into a mug. "I see what you were trying to do and honestly, I'm not going to be shocked if she did. But lets just hope that she was trying to fulfill her little fantasy and not do anything _that_ psycho."

A couple of minutes later he walked back in and sat down a mug next to my face. "I'm guessing you haven't spoken to Cat yet?" he asked as he took a sip of his coffee. The look on my face must have answered his question. "They made it there alright and were able to get some sleep before the shoot. Leila said she can't get Cat to talk to her about it so I don't know what she's thinking but, Dan, I have never ever seen her that way." He shook his head and looked quite sad himself.

"She was like sobbing. Literally sobbing when I walked in. It was horrible. I hate seeing girls cry, especially Leila and now Cat. Cat is not supposed to cry. She's supposed to act crazy and attack people at random and make really good waffles," he rambled. "I honestly think she just misunderstood you and also," he sighed, "Leila told me that she had an ex from before they moved to LA. Basically he treated her horribly and part of what it all was was that he was ashamed of her because he was a rich politician's son who was dating a college dropout. That's what Leila said on the phone. It really fucked her up so I think she might have that in her head."

And just when I thought I couldn't feel any worse, Phil says all of that. She was crying? I mean, I'd seen her cry and it was heartbreaking, but I'd never been the sole purpose of her tears. _They _were my fault. I felt so horrible. Like someone was repeatedly punching me in the stomach. I couldn't even think of the McKenzie thing now, because the only thing on my mind was Cat. I never meant for any of this to happen, for me to hurt her. If I could go back to last night I would have thrown her on a plane and taken her to Manchester on the spot.

"It was a misunderstanding," I sighed as I picked up the mug that Phil had brought me. As I took a drink I listened to him speak and nearly spat coffee all over the table. "What?" I coughed as I wiped my mouth. "Politician's son ex-boyfriend?" My brows were furrowed together, because I'd never heard of this ex boyfriend of hers. Or any ex boyfriends for that matter. It was just something that we'd never discussed; but I kind of wished that we had - why she reacted the way that she did made perfect sense now. "Fuck," I groaned, reaching into my hoodie pocket to grab my phone. "I have to call her," I said, as unlocked the phone. Since she was the last person that I called, I only had to hit send and the phone started ringing but it only rang three times before going to voicemail.

Ugh.

Voice message number 9.

"Cat, hey... it's Dan.. obviously. Look, I- I, I really need to talk to you. Could you please just, call me back? Or at least answer the phone next time that I call you. I l-" the phone beeped and the message cut off. "FUCK!" I slammed it down onto the table and slapped my hand against my face.

"If it makes you feel any better she's probably not ignoring you. Apparently her boss has paid for them to stay there for a few days and she's going around to little meetings and whatnot representing People."

I looked up at him wondering how the hell he was getting all of this information when he'd just woken up but then I saw that he was looking down at his phone and texting.

I envied him. I wish that I was texting Cat and knowing things were okay.

"How long will they be gone?" I asked hoping he wouldn't say a day very far away.

"Leila said they should be back by Saturday. There's some big formal party Friday night that they are going to. Leila is all excited because they get to wear fancy dresses and whatnot."

Friday.  
It was Tuesday.  
Fuck my life. That was too long.

Phil sighed as he sat his phone down. "You know she loves you so much. I'm sure that she'll talk to you soon. It'll all blow over and it will be alright."

"I hope so," I sighed.

If it didn't - I wasn't sure what I would do with myself.

**Cat's POV**

Oh fuck me running.  
The meeting I was in was so boring.  
I was really just there to be there. I had a recorder sat on the table in front of me to get all of the information for my boss so my presence was pointless other than that.

If I was bored I knew that Leila was.  
I looked around to see that everyone was paying attention to the guy with a very thick french accent speaking about profits in 2013 or something I knew nothing about.  
I bent down slowly and pulled my phone out of my purse before looking at Leila who was sitting next to me with a glazed over look on her face like she hated her life.  
I tapped her with my elbow and motioned down to my phone to signal her to get hers.

We were going to play Draw Something. Fuck the meeting.

Right as I clicked on the icon for the app, Dan's photo flashed across the screen.

Heart out of the asshole.

I just stared at it. I couldn't do anything because I was in the meeting.

He had called me several times but I just couldn't bring myself to answer nor did I really have the time. We'd been on the go since waking up that morning.

Of course during all of the running around I'd had a chance to think of what happened. I could see more of Dan's side now. I knew that I did overreact slightly. Or a lot. But I couldn't help out I felt. It was an absolutely horrible feeling and I had stupidly placed Dan on a pedestal which made me believe that he would never ever make me feel like that.

He was human. He made mistakes just like I did. I couldn't run around thinking he was perfect even if it did seem like he was a lot of the time.

Fuck, I missed him.

After Leila kicked my ass in several rounds of Draw Something because I fucking fail at that game we were finally released from the meeting.

We had just walked into the hotel and I immediately kicked off my boots and fell face first onto the bed. All I wanted to do was order a fuck load of fattening food, eat my feelings, and sleep.

Leila was standing behind me. I could feel her presence there just as much as I could feel her hand slapping against my ass. "What are you doing?" she asked as she moved around the bed so that she was standing in front of me. "You can't just lay in bed! We're in paris. Let's go.. window shopping, since we can't afford actual shopping. Or, oh! We could go see the Eiffel Tower," I heard her messing with some papers. "I got all of those pamphlets from the lobby. There's loads of stuff we can go see, and you can take pretty pictures of it."

I raised my head and looked at her like she was nuts. "Leila, we can afford actual shopping. Remember?" I laughed. Apparently it was very difficult for her to go from the mindset of poor obituary writer in LA to best selling author in London. I sighed as I pulled myself up to sit on the bed. "Leila, I feel like someone is just like punching me in the stomach repeatedly," I said as I slipped off the blazer I was wearing. I had to be all professional at the meeting.

"I don't know that I can force myself to go do those things and I am hating myself more and more as I continue to speak. I am in Paris. What the fuck am I thinking?" I laughed. "It's still pretty early. How about we order some food, lay around and rest and then we can go on adventures?"

I heard her sigh as she sat down on the bed across from mine where her luggage was sitting and she kicked her heels off. "Food sounds good," she nodded, pulling her legs onto the bed and crossing them in front of her. "That meeting was fucking exhausting. Seriously. I forgot how tiring boring shit is. Like looking back on it, I don't know how I even stayed awake at the Times," she laughed, then leaned over the nightstand to grab the hotel's room service menu. "Let's see if I remember anything from taking two years of French in high school," she said as she opened the menu up then immediately started to cackle laugh at herself. "Nope. We're going to starve... Oh wait, fromage is cheese. I can order a shit load of cheese and orange juice," she laughed as she continued scanning over it. "Oh, and poulet is chicken... Do you want some chicken and cheese and orange juice?" she looked up at me, smiling.

Ugh. What would I do without that girl? I seriously couldn't imagine me making it through life as a sane human being without her by my side.

I crawled off of my bed and quickly hopped onto hers before snuggling up to her side. I kissed her cheek and pressed my forehead against the side of her head. "You're the greatest best friend ever," I told her. "Thank you for coming with me and sitting in here even though you'd rather be like a normal person and enjoy the place." I leaned back and smiled at her. "But we will. I promise. I just need to rejuvenate."

I crawled off of the bed and walked over to where my laptop bag was before getting it out and bringing it back to the bed. I sat across from her and opened it. "I have a solution for our problem. Google translate. I want some fucking appetizers and shit. This room is gonna look like a bloody-" I paused and cleared my throat, "a fucking buffet when we're done ordering."

"Pft, you're the best, best friend ever," she scoffed. "You brought me to Paris with you. You win," she laughed, looking up at me again. Though her smile fell when the 'bloody' came out of my mouth and she cleared her throat, pretending like that didn't just happen. "You're also the smarter of the two of us," she nodded, laughing again. "I would have sat here trying to decode this menu on my own, while you on the other hand thought to use google to fix this. I would starve without you," she folded the menu up and grabbed her laptop, which she had been typing away on this morning before we left and opened it on her lap. "I want crepes. I don't even know what they are but I know that they're French and my French teacher talked about them all the time... They're probably fucking nasty. My French teacher was an asshole."

"Ooo! I've always wanted those too. They sound like they're yummy. It's worth a shot. We've had worse things in our mouth." I immediately cracked up at my own perverted comment. I had to say it. At least something made me laugh.  
Being the a.d.d person I am, I opened Tumblr in another tab just to browse around and see what was going down. I had a bunch of new messages so I immediately went to check those because I tried to keep them at a low number so I could answer everyone. The nice people anyway.

**Is Can broken?! **

**Did u & Dan break up? ): **

**OMG WTF IS THIS VIDEO **

Video?

**What the fuck happened to Can? THIS CANNOT BE REAL. DSJFIAOFASFDS**

**DAN IS A TOTAL ASSHOLE. I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS. OMFG. WE LOVE YOU WHISKERS 33**

**That video is fucking disgusting. What the fuck is happening? You guys better be trolling us. **

**WHO THE FUCK IS THIS BLONDE CAN OPENER? **

"What the fuck?" I said out loud, looking up at Leila. "I am so fucking confused right now and I have this horrible feeling that I'm not going to like it when I figure out what's going on." I turned my laptop around so she could see it and pushed it across the bed to her.

I was shaking. What the hell could have happened? I didn't think I even wanted to know but something was telling me it was bad. Really bad and that I needed to mentally prepare myself for whatever it was.

Leila sat her computer down and leaned over to look at mine, her eyes getting huge as she started to scroll down through the messages. "Uh..." she picked my laptop up and I could hear her clicking then typing so fast that she was probably about to pop the keys off of my keyboard. I leaned in to see that she had gone to the danisnotonfire tumblr tag and at the very top of the page there was a video, and the next post was the same video, as was the next, followed by text posts full of 'WTFs' and 'OMGs.'

Leila glanced at me and then back at the computer screen and I saw the arrow move to the play button before she clicked on the mouse again. "Dan looks like a mouth breather," she commented. The beginning of the video was Dan staring at the screen and then Dan sucking on a straw.

Are they trying to say he's having an affair with a Starbucks cup?

"Why the fuck-" Leila shut up once a wild McKenzie appeared beside Dan.

I gasped when I saw her. I was not expecting to see her at all. But I immediately thought of one of the messages in my inbox mentioning a blonde.

My heart was pounding. I felt like I was seconds from a panic attack. Part of me kept hoping that all of the sudden Dan would reach over and pimp slap her or something.

Not that I'm okay with a dude slapping a girl but you know what I mean.

And then it happened.  
They were kissing and I mean really kissing. I could see her grinning against his lips before the video suddenly stopped.

I just stared at the screen. Honestly, I think I just shut down emotionally. There wasn't a real way my brain or heart could come up with to handle that situation so I just shut everything off.

I cleared my throat and took a deep breath as I reached forward and shut my laptop. I looked at Leila who was staring at me with a look of pure horror on her face. I knew she was waiting for it. She was waiting for the break down. I was supposed to start screaming and crying. I was supposed to call Dan and tell him he was a piece of shit and I never wanted to see him again.

But I didn't even want to do any of those things.

I moved off of the bed and leaned over her to pick up the menus she'd gotten out. I sat them on the desk between the beds and looked over at her. "We're going out for lunch. Let's get ready." I smiled at her before walking over to pick up my bag and get some clothes out.

"But first," I said as I walked back over to the bed and picked up my phone. "I need to do something."

I didn't call Dan.  
I didn't text him.

I called my phone company and changed my phone number.

Leila was still sitting there watching me. Even when I was on the phone with the phone company. She looked like she was in shock. "What should we wear?" I asked after I sent her and my boss a text so they'd have my new number. "I mean, I want to look nice but I don't want to feel like my feet are gonna fall off after we've walked for a while, ya know?"

"Cat..." Leila said, still watching me. She hadn't moved at all or said a single word until then. "You're scaring me," her eyes followed me as I moved around the room. "I know you and this-" she waved her hand around, "- isn't you. Aren't you going to.. I don't know, call him and ask him what that was? Or at least call him and reduce him to tears by screaming at him?"

I glanced over at her as I was pulling a sweater out of my bag. "No. I don't want to speak to him. From this point on he doesn't exist to me. I know that I pissed him off last night but that shit was unacceptable. He disgusts me and he can go fuck that dirty whore for all I care. I have a life to live. I'm in fucking Paris for 4 days with my best friend, a company credit card, and invites to VIP lounges in clubs for the next 2 nights. The last thing I'm going to worry about is someone who expresses how much he loves me by doing that." I was taking my shirt off as I said all of this and I pulled the black sweater over my head just as the hotel room phone started to ring.

I walked over to answer it wondering why the hell someone was calling on it. "Hello?"

"Yes, Ms. Radley?" a woman with a beautiful French accent spoke.

"This is she."

"Ms. Radley, a package was delivered for you and the person who sent it wishes for you to receive it personally instead it a carrier bringing it."

"Oh," I responded, wondering what the fuck it could be. "Okay. I'll be down in a sec."

"Apparently I have a package that I have to receive personally instead of someone sending it," I told Leila as I walked to the door. "I'll be right back. Hit up google to see if we can get some maps on our phone so we don't get lost and die in some Paris alley way or something," I laughed as I walked out.

Fuck. I could be an actress.  
The whole way to the elevator and on the elevator I was taking deep calming breaths to hold my shit together. All I could think of was his lips on hers. It literally made me want to vomit.

The doors opened and there were several people in the lobby so I put a fake smile on as I made my way to the desk.

"Can I help you, madam?" the woman asked in a very pleasant way.

"Yes ma'am. I'm Catherine Radley. I think you're the one who-"

"Oh yes!" she smiled before reaching under the table and placing a box in front of me. It was wrapped in beautiful blue paper. Where the fuck did this come from? "By the way, I adore your accent," the woman informed me. "Are you from the south in America?"

"Yes, I am," I smiled. "Louisiana."

She gasped and laughed. "I knew you sounded like Sookie!"

I started laughing. "I love that show."

"Me too! Me too! I watch it all the time," she laughed. "If there's anything you or your friend need do not hesitate to call."

"Thanks so much," I told her as I took the box which was sort of heavy.

I made it back up to the floor our room was on and I hesitated by the door. I hadn't given much thought to how I'd handle Leila. She was going to try to force me to talk about this and I didn't want to. I wanted to do the unhealthy thing and pretend it never happened. I wanted to pretend Dan and I never happened.

I was about to put the key in the slot when I heard her talking. I put my ear against the door to see what I could hear.

"No, she didn't say a word about it. She's acting like it didn't happen... It worries me, I know her, and I know she's not okay with it... Well that's why I called... Yeah... Is that Dan? She changed her number... I don't know, like ten minutes ago? Right after we saw it... Tell him I'm sorry but I can't do that... I know but- just put him on the phone then... Hey... Woah, calm down. Yes she saw it and since she isn't going to ask you herself, what in the actual fuck was that?!" her voice got louder and she sounded angry and then it got quiet for a few minutes. "Are you serious? That's an entire different level of fucking crazy... I've tried talking to her, she won't say anything, so I know I won't be able to get anything out of her about this... No, she hasn't been crying... I know you do. She loves you too.. she just needs some time, like I did when Phil and I had that.. whatever that was... I know... I will... No, just... I'll figure something out.. Okay... I'll tell her... Okay.. bye, Dan... Hey babe... Yeah I know. I'm mind boggled right now.. No she still isn't back... No, she didn't leave... I don't know, she had a gift waiting for her. Did Dan send something? Oh.. that's so weird... I miss you too.. Phil! Shh," I heard her start laughing. "Yeah.. as soon as I see you... I love you too.. I will babe... Alright, Mmmbye."

I pressed my forehead against the door. I didn't know what to do. I was very good at somehow shoving my feelings to the side and bebopping around like everything was alright. I knew if I didn't that I was going to lose it. I did not want to lose it. Especially in Paris.

I took another deep breath and made a mental note to break into my xanax supply as soon as possible when I got inside before I unlocked the door and opened it.

"I got a big blue box," I informed Leila as I walked in with it. It was rather large and in a long rectangular shape. I sat it down on the bed and picked up the card that was attached to it. "This is for Friday evening," I read aloud to Leila. "I wasn't able to get one for your friend on such short notice but feel free to use the company card to get her whatever she likes. Thanks for all you do for the company. Love, Laura."

Laura, my boss, was fucking amazing.

I looked over at Leila and wiggled my eyebrows, ignoring her worried expression, as I pulled the ribbon off of the box. I opened it and removed all of the tissue paper that was blocking whatever it was and then I saw it.

It was glittery and black and fucking stunning.

"Holy tits," I said as I picked up the dress and pulled it out of the box to hold up. It was long, flowy, strapless, and sparkly. "This is gorgeous!" I squealed as I looked down at it.

Leila's look of worry smoothed into a look of shock as she stared at the expensive gown I was holding. "Oh shit!" she yelped, hurrying to her feet and moving towards me. "It's beautiful," she gasped, pulling on the length of it to examine it. "And I'm pretty sure it costs more than 3 months rent in London," she said as she looked down at the box. "It's a Vionnet! Jesus," she shook her head and looked at me again. "What? I hear my mom talk about her. She's this fancy dressmaker. Or was. I don't know if she's still alive or not, which isn't the point.. That is going to look so good on you!"

I looked down at the dress again and smoothed my hand over it. Despite that feeling of complete emptiness I was feeling in my chest from what was going on with Dan, I could still appreciate how amazing something like this was. "Wow. Is this real life?" I asked. "Oh my glob! We get to go buy you a fancy dress! We can do that today!" I told her while bouncing around excitedly. "And you know we have to go to that VIP thingy tonight so I think we should buy something to wear for that. We never get to treat ourselves so I think this is a good excuse, don't you?"

Phil's POV

It had been 2 days since the horrible video hit tumblr.  
I wouldn't call what happened after that a shitstorm.  
More like a shit hurricane. It was bad. Dan was receiving so much hate on tumblr and twitter, he finally just stopped checking both sites.  
He had barely left his room since discovering Cat changed her phone number. I couldn't get him to speak to me. I wasn't entirely sure that he'd eaten at all in the past 24 hours.

Leila and I had kept in constant contact through text and then on Skype in the early hours of that morning when they came home drunk.  
Cat was doing exactly what Leila said she was doing. She was acting s though nothing had happened. She was smiling, laughing, telling me that she missed me, and showing me photos of her and Robert Pattinson whom they'd apparently met and hung out with all night because they knew no one there and he was being antisocial.

I found that amusing since he was obviously someone who was 'featured' in our videos often. They were having fun and I was glad but I was also worried like a parent would worry over their child or something.

My best friend had shut down and shut the world out and my other best friend was running around Paris pretending that her heart wasn't shattered instead of facing it head on. The worst part was that she hadn't heard the whole story. All she knew was what she saw and what she saw had not been good.

I felt helpless and so did Leila. What the fuck were we supposed to do?

"Phil!" I heard Dan scream - woah, I heard Dan - followed by a door slamming and footsteps against the hardwood floors. "Give me your phone right now!" he yelled at me once he was in the living room. Oh shit, he looked so pissed off.

I quickly grabbed my phone and shoved it under my ass. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" I asked, completely baffled as to why he'd gone into Hulk mode out of nowhere and was demanding my phone. "I don't have her number if that's what you think."

Dan grabbed my laptop, which was opened on the table in front of me then I watched as he went to Tumblr and typed in 'Robert Pattinson' into the tag search. He scrolled down for a few seconds then pointed at the screen, which had a photoset of about 10 different photos of Cat and Rob. "That!" he pointed at the screen as he shouted. "Is what the fuck is wrong with me! We're not even properly broken up and she wants to do that?!" he looked so livid. I think I was having flashbacks of myself when I saw those photos of Leila with Ben Barnes. "You're a liar. I know you have her phone number, just give me your phone or I'm calling your girlfriend," he told me as he held his phone up.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" I held my hands up. "First of all, calm the fuck down, yeah?" I told him. "I don't have her number and you're not about to call my girlfriend acting like a psychotic person. I talked to Cat last night in her hotel room with Leila. They were alone, by the way, because I know where your mind is going with those photos," I pointed towards the laptop.

The photos were rather suggestive just because they'd all been taken at times where Cat was leaning towards him to say something or laughing with him. There was one of her on his lap as well but hell, there were photos of Cat on _my _lap.

"They met at the party last night and all three of them hung out during the whole thing. He is still with Kristen and nothing happened. Leila was witness to it all. Calm. Down." I rolled my eyes. "I'm so bloody sick of this shit going on with you two. She won't fucking listen to anyone to tell her the story behind the video, you're making assumptions about photos of her. FUCK! It's enough to drive a sane person completely mad. I feel like I'm in a bloody soap opera."

"Like you wouldn't make bloody assumptions if you saw some shit like that," he rolled his eyes then laughed dryly. "Oh wait you already did," he shook his head. "And it doesn't bloody help when every person on Tumblr and Twitter and even some of my real friends are asking me what the fuck is going on and there are people in the Rpattz tag asking who Rob's never mistress is, not to mention the fact that Cat's Tumblr has all kinds of horrific things on it about him and hand porn and perfect jawlines!"

Fuck, Dan. Have you gone mental?

I facepalmed myself. "You've gone mental. It's official. I wish the girls wouldn't have taken the xanax because I'd dose your ass," I sighed. "You do realize that amongst all that Rpattz shit there's even MORE shit about you, right? She even said last night that you were hotter than him in person and then basically went into zombie mode before going to sleep." I pinched the bridge of my nose. "I did flip out over pictures once and do you remember how that turned out?" I asked. "I turned out to be a bloody jealous idiot which is what you AND her are doing right now. You're assuming and acting like lunatics."

Dan opened his mouth to speak but was silenced by the faint sound of music playing. "What the fuck is that, even?" he asked, looking around for the source of the noise. I was mildly confused at first, until I recognized the tone of the song. I lifted my bum up from the couch and picked my phone up to see Leila's face on the screen, smiling.

"It's Leila," I told him before answering the phone. "Hey sweetheart. What's up?"

"Are you alone?" was the first thing she said to me and I noticed that she was whispering. "Because we need to talk and this is serious business. I don't have long, I don't know when Cat's going to come out of the bathroom," she told me in a rushed voice.

"Um. No, I'm not. Do I need to be?" I asked, trying not to look at Dan but I'm sure I looked so obvious anyway.

"It doesn't matter, just.. Okay I finally got Cat to sit down and listen to me about the McKenzie video.. She broke down. I mean broke down sobbing.. it's bad and she locked herself in the bathroom without saying a word. I've been trying to get her to talk to me for two hours and she won't. We have to do something and we have to do it now," Leila explained. "I have an idea but you're going to have to act fast, because I don't know what the hell is going to happen if we don't do something... Remember that event planned for tomorrow night? I want you to come and I want you to bring Dan. I'm not going to tell Cat because I know she'll object to it, so I'm forcing it on her."

It took me a second to process all of that. I looked over at Dan and I saw that his look of rage from earlier was now one of just being completely lost. He was staring down at his phone and I could see the only thing on the screen was his homescreen which was a photo of him and Cat. I remembered being in his position and only having a photo to stare at. It was horrible and if there was any chance for me to fix that for both of my best friends, I was going to do whatever it took.  
"We'll do it," I blurted out suddenly which made Dan look up at me like I was insane. "Send me the info for which hotel you're at and I'll look into the tickets and call you back. Alright?"

I heard a sigh of relief from Leila. "Of course, I'll send it as soon as I hang up.. and thanks for keeping me updated. I'm going to try to get her to come out of there again. I love you babe, I'll see you soon," she said and then I heard the line clear.

I sat the phone down and reached for my laptop. "You might want to go start packing," I told him as I began typing.

He was probably looking at me like I was crazy. "Why?" he asked quietly. "Where are we going?"

"We're going to Paris, duh," I answered him as I read over ticket prices. Thankfully they weren't too high. "Consider this the intervention, Dan. Can cannot be broken anymore," I looked up from the laptop. "Leila finally sat Cat down and told her the story behind the video today." I rubbed the side my face. I did not want to tell him this part but I felt like he needed to know everything. "Apparently she lost it and broke down crying. She's locked herself in the bathroom and won't come out.

"Oh thank God," Dan sighed, looking so relieved - but when I got to the bad part he looked like he'd been punched in the stomach. He brought his hands to his face and rubbed his palms against it. "Is she okay?" he asked from between his fingers before letting his hands fall to his sides again. "When can we leave?" he asked hurriedly.

I shrugged, "I'm booking our flights now. It only takes about two hours to fly there, and the next one is leaving at 3pm," I explained.  
Dan nodded and turned on his heel to walk out of the living room, probably to start packing. "Dan, don't forget your suit," I called out at him. He didn't even question why I'd said that, he just nodded and continued down the hall.

I booked our flight which would leave later that night. The flight would only be an hour and a half between London and France so thankfully I wasn't really dreading it. More than anything I was excited to see Leila. I missed her so much already. I absolutely hated being away from her.

Pathetic. I know. I don't care.

After we were packed Dan was about to drive me mad pacing around the flat and asking repeatedly if I had talked to Leila. I knew he was just worried about Cat so I didn't openly get agitated with him.

I didn't bother breaking the news to him that he wouldn't get to see Cat right when we got to Paris. He was going to flip out and I knew that. But Leila and I had been texting about it and we knew that if they saw each other in a setting where they couldn't fight then they'd just be focused on finally seeing each other after so much craziness had gone on. They'd had zero communication for nearly 5 days. I knew for a fact that they were both going through withdrawals from each other.

I had contact with Leila and I was going through withdrawals. I missed how it felt to pull her in my arms and kiss her lips and how she smelled.

Dammit. Now I wanted to pace around the flat.

"Ugh," Dan groaned from the kitchen. I looked up to see that he was checking inside of the fridge for the tenth time in the last hour. "Why did you have to book such a late flight?" he asked before shutting the fridge and then moving on to the cabinets. He pulled out a bag of my crisps and opened them, shoving a large handful of them into his mouth. "Seriously. We could take the bloody tube and get there faster," he said as he chewed loudly.

Oh. My. God. That chewing was about to drive me bloody insane.  
Dan, you better be glad that you're in a delicate position right now, because if you weren't...

"I got the earliest one I could," I told him as he came into the living room, his chewing getting louder the closer he got to me. "I don't make the flight schedules."

"Have you heard from Leila yet?" he asked as he picked up my phone with his greasy crisp fingers. "Gah, why is it taking her so long to text you. All she has to do it pick up the bloody phone and hit a few buttons. It's ridiculous, it's like she's too busy to-"

"Dan!" I finally snapped, his voice and his chewing and his grease prints on the screen of my phone too much to tolerate any longer. "Please, chew with your mouth shut! Actually just shut it all together, yeah?" I said, shaking my head.

"What crawled up your bum? You're acting like you're the one with massive relationship problems and a girlfriend who is having a mental breakdown because of you," Dan replied, his brows furrowed together.

I raised an eyebrow. "No. I don't but I have two best friends who have gone completely mental and I've been terrified for days that their relationship is over and that our awesome foursome is dead because those two best friends I mentioned are amazing but they're both off their fucking rockers." I sighed. "Seriously, Dan. She's not leaving Paris and you will see her. Just sit and watch Kill Bill or something. It'll calm you down. I hope."

Dan rolled his eyes at me then popped another crisp in his mouth, looking at me as he chewed it up loudly on purpose. "I'm about to Kill Phil because he's being a total twat," he told me. "I can't concentrate on anything other than the fact that I want to be in Paris more than I've ever wanted to be anywhere, okay? SoOoOoOoOorry," he moved his head as he said 'sorry.'

I tried really hard to keep myself from laughing. I bit my lip. I covered my mouth. But neither worked and I lost it. It was impossible to have a real fight with Dan sometimes. "You're being a twat too. Ya waffly twat."

"Yeah, don't say that," Dan shook his head, giving me a blank look. "It doesn't sound as good coming out of our mouth," he said then popped another crisp into his mouth.

"I'm sure that she'll be happy to call you that if you ask her when you reunite. Hey, just think of the hot make up sex you'll probably have!" I was trying in any way to cheer him up somehow. Sex definitely cheered me up.

Ooo I would get to have sex with Leila soon.  
In a hotel room.  
Leila.  
Sex.

Wow. Calm down, Phil.

"The last time we had make up sex was amazing," Dan nodded. "Damn, that's been awhile.. like three months ago? Bloody hell. We never argue, so we never really get to indulge in stuff like that."

"The arguing part is just fucking horrible though." I shuddered at the thought. "Those girls are just like so vicious when crossed. It's terrifying. They're like angry little tiger people or something."

Dan started laughing. "Angry little tiger people? What the fuck, Phil?" he shook his head. "You're right though.. they're fucking, I don't even know. They're scary though. And I thought Cat was bad? You got the shit end of the stick with that one. Leila is terrifying!"

I laughed as well. "She truly is but fuck, I love her so much. It's scary how much I love her. Oh! I didn't even get to tell you. She agreed to move in. You have a new roommate. Please do not kill each other. Or me."

"Oh?" Dan raised his brow at me and I was waiting for some horrible comment but surprisingly I didn't get one. "Congrats," he smiled. "I know she'd say yes.. and you know we wouldn't kill each other, but I hope you're ready for horrific amounts of trolling. Who knows, maybe I can get her on my side and we can troll on you," an evil look came over his face.

Oh I did not enjoy the thought of this at all. "Or maybe you could just go live with Cat and troll her instead of me?"

"You look scared, Phil," Dan commented as he bit into a crisp. "You should be, because Cat and I still have to pay you and your girlfriend back. Don't worry, after we're done with you two, Leila will never agree to help me troll anyone."

"Oh God," I sighed, shaking my head. "Suddenly the issue we've been facing this week seem so insignificant."


	29. I LUV U 5EVER

Dan's POV

I'm nervous.

Why am I nervous?

I shouldn't be nervous.

But I was.

Phil and I had landed at the airport in Paris about twenty minutes ago we were on our way to Cat and Leila's hotel. It was taking a lot longer than I had imagined.

Or maybe I was just being really impatient. I was probably being impatient. But there was also a lot of bloody traffic, and random people walking down the street. The middle of it, crossing the road without signals to do so.

Idiots. If you were in London we'd just run you over! We don't give a fuck!

I let out an audible groan as we came to a red light and I let my head hit the seat in front of me. "Jesus on a boat," I grumbled. "Why is it taking so long!" The cab driver started speaking in French and when I looked up I could see that he was looking at me in the rearview mirror. I had taken French when I was in school and the only word I could pick up on was 'you.'

It's probably a good thing that I couldn't tell what the hell he was saying.

I took in a deep breath and glanced over at Phil. He was looking down as his phone, smiling like an idiot. I rolled my eyes before looking away from him. "Peasant," I scoffed quietly. Why did he get to be so bloody relaxed when I was more or less losing my mind over here?

"I'll be glad when you finally see Cat," Phil replied, laughing. "You're like a girl on her period right now. Can I get you a midol or some chocolate, Dan? Did you pack your Kotex?"

I had to actively keep myself from laughing; though, the corners of my mouth started tugging my lips northern, causing me to smirk. "Piss off," I shook my head. "You know, when you were being a titty baby over Leila I never said anything to you," I pointed out. "And actually, if you've got a Xanax handy, I wouldn't mind one of those seeing as they seem to work so well," I glanced from Phil to the traffic light to see it turning red again. What the fuck! We didn't even move!

UGH.

Stupid. Fucking. Traffic.

"True, but I never called you a peasant. I was a nice titty baby." He paused. "Titty baby. Did we get that from the girls? It is not a British term," he laughed.

"Cat's mum said it to her on Thanksgiving," I explained. "I thought it was funny and highly accurate considering all of the whining you did," I said with a laugh. "How far away is the hotel?"

He looked at me and I knew instantly that it was not a good look. He was nervous about something. I could not handle anything else that made me nervous today.

"Um, Dan, about that," he began as he rubbed the side of his face. "You're not going to see Cat right when we get there. Don't freak out! Just listen!" he waved his hands around to keep me from interrupting which I was definitely about to do. "Leila and I talked about it and we thought it'd be better if we just show up at the party tonight and Cat sees you there. It will be like some bloody Disney movie moment and will make her instantly happy and lessen the chance of you and her having to deal with the whole awkwardness because we were both seen with other people sort of thing."

I stared at Phil for a long time like he was a bloody idiot. Because he is a bloody idiot. How was I supposed to be in the same country let alone the same bloody building as her and _not _go and see her when the only thing I've wanted for the last week is to do that exact thing? I didn't care if she yelled at me, smacked me, what have you, I probably deserved it anyways - I just wanted to see her.

But I knew arguing with Phil wouldn't change the fact that he was going to tell me otherwise. But I also knew that him telling me that I couldn't go and see her wouldn't actually stop me.

Time to put my acting skills to use.

"Ugh," I rolled my eyes. "Do you really expect me to just wait after the fucked up week I've had? What about her feelings, Phil? Leila said she had a bloody breakdown!"

Oh yes, I was going to make Phil feel like an ass in the process.

It is what it is.

"I know that, Dan. Stop trying to make me feel like an ass so that I will give in," he said as he looked down at his phone. "If it makes you feel any better I won't be able to see Leila either! We're going to be like 2 rooms away from them and not be able to go see them. I already want to shank myself with a pencil eraser."

"You should feel like an ass," I said as I looked back out of the window. "And that doesn't make me feel any better, thanks, though."

It didn't. The only thing that was going to make me feel better was seeing Cat. Until then, just fuck everything.

"You're in bloody Paris and you will see her soon," he replied sounding quite exhausted with me. "When you see her she'll also be in some sexy sort of beautiful dress from what I've heard so that's another plus. Stop being so-" he paused and his eyes got huge before he literally dove across my lap to look through the window. "Oh my God!" he practically squealed like he'd lost his testicles as he gawked and whatever the hell we were passing by.

"What the fuck is your-" I was looking out of the window as I tried to shove Phil off of me but stopped as I caught a glimpse of what he had just seen. I slapped at the door frantically as I tried to get the window to roll down. "Cat!" I yelled, because that's who I saw walking across the pavement beside Leila. "CAT!" I noticed that her hair was done in some kind of fancy updo, but she didn't notice me. "CATHERINE ELIZABETH RADLEY!" - "What ze 'ell iz your froblem!" The cab driver spoke up. I ignored him but before I could start screaming for her again the cab took off.

Oh this traffic just had bloody perfect timing, didn't it.

"Dan. Breathe!" Phil laughed as he leaned away from me. "Hey, at least you saw her!" he smiled like me seeing her walk along the bloody pavement wearing those fucking massive sunglasses of hers that cover half of her face was going to be good enough for me. "Seriously. What are the odds of that happening?"

"Ugh," I threw my head back against the seat, because Cat and Leila had been lost in the sea of people walking along the pavement. "Not as high as the odds of me throwing you out of this taxi," I groaned. Yeah, I know I was being a whiny twat. I didn't care.

"I'm just going to stop talking to you now," Phil laughed as he looked out the window on his side of the taxi.

He really did not say one word to me for the duration of the trip to the hotel which took another bloody 25 minutes. By the time we had checked in and gotten into our room, it was a little after 5 pm and the party we were going to would start at 7.

"Yeah, we're here," Phil said to Leila as he sat on the bed while talking to her on the phone. "God, I know. It's horrible," he laughed. "Yeah...I know...I remember...Yes... Oh-" he held his phone away from his face and laughed.

"She hung up on me so I'm guessing Cat walked in. Apparently they'll be done getting ready in half an hour and then the party starts at 7 and you and I will show up at 7:30. So, we have a while, unfortunately. You should upload your new video to keep yourself sane while you wait, yeah?" He cleared his throat. "Um. Also. Don't freak out but I have to meet Leila before we all go to the party to get the tickets." He hid his face with his hands to shield himself from whatever reaction I would have.

Lucky for him, I saw that as the perfect opportunity to sneak over to Cat's hotel room, so I didn't bother giving him any grief over it. I just scoffed and rolled my eyes then continued to pull my laptop out of my bag so I could take his advice and upload my new video. "Whatever," I sighed, sitting down on my bed.

I got the laptop open then went to Youtube to so I could start the upload process, then I went to Twitter to let everyone know that it was being uploaded; I also sifted through some angry Tweets from Can shippers and then happy Tweets from Phan shippers, who came to the conclusion that the girl attacking me in that video was Phil in a blonde wig.

Oh the wishful thinking on their part.

"I'm going to go ahead and start getting dressed," I told Phil as I grabbed my suit, which was in one of those long plastic... suit holders? I don't know what they're called, but it was in one of those things.

While I was getting ready I started thinking about how she might react when I got to see her and then I started thinking about how I should have gotten her some flowers and loads of chocolates or something, for proof that I had been thinking about her nonstop. Sadly, I was too busy actually thinking about her to do any of the above.

After I was done and I had my bowtie in place I walked out of the bathroom and decided to get crafty. I picked up the packet of hotel paper and fished a pen out of my bag and started drawing flowers on a few pieces of them, then I drew a cat with massive whiskers, that actually looked more like a deformed head with lines coming out of it. Maybe if I write meow on it she'll realize what I was going for.

"What in the world are you doing?" I heard Phil ask from very close behind me and I turned to see that he was peeking over my shoulder. "Awww, are you writing a love letter?" he asked, grinning at me. "Not judging. I think it'd be a good idea. Make her swoon," he said as he walked towards the bathroom with his own suit bag thing.

A love letter?! Why the fuck didn't I think of that. Damn it! Why couldn't I have a brain like Phil?

I tore the picture of the cat away from the pad and started clicking the end of the pen, trying to think of a way to explain how I feel.

But how the hell do you explain feelings?

I stared at the piece of blank paper for five minutes and I was drawing a huge blank - and then I remembered when I was trying to tell Cat how I felt about her in the beginning and I told her I needed a bloody gif set to do it justice. How the hell was I supposed to explain how much she meant to me and make it all deep and sweet when I couldn't even tell her that I liked her.

Oh what the fuck am I on about? I can quote Shakespeare from memory. I've got depth, and I'm romantic. I just have to...

I just started writing.  
And surprisingly it flowed out much easier than I ever could have imagined.

**Cat, **

**It isn't a gif set, but I tried my best. **

**What is love, and how does one explain it? With your eyes, because that I where I see it. With your lips, because that is where I taste it. With your touch, because that is where I feel it. With your heart, because that is where I keep it. With your voice, because that is where I hear it. With your smile, because nothing is more beautiful. With your laugh, because it's the greatest symphony. With your hands, because of how they mold with mine. With your arms, because of how they hold me. With your mind, because of how it understands me. **_**With you**_**. That's how I explain it.**

Hopefully she'll like it.

Once I was finished with that I folded it up and put it in my pocket along with the flowers and the cat that I drew, then went straight to my laptop to see that the video had finished uploading. After Tweeting the link to everyone and posted it on Tumblr, I closed my laptop and sat in nervous silence.

Phil walked out of the bathroom a couple of minutes later fully dressed and on the phone again. "Okay...okay I am!" he laughed. "I love you too." He sighed happily, obviously feeling quite giddy since he and Leila were all perfect and whatnot.

What? I was a bit envious at the moment.

"I'm going to go meet Leila," he told me as he slipped his phone and one of the room keys into his pocket. "It'll just be that much sooner until you see Cat," he said as he opened the door. "Be back in a bit!" he whispered into the room after looking out into the hallway apparently to make sure Cat didn't happen to be there as well and shut the door behind him.

As soon as the door shut I jumped to my feet and creeped towards it like I was sneaking around.

Wait. I was sneaking around.

I counted to five, took in a deep breath and slowly opened to door and stuck my head out and looked into the hallway.

Phileila was gone.

This was my chance.

I shut the door behind me and crept down the hallway. I didn't have far to go, so I didn't actually have time to mentally calm myself before I was standing in front of Cat's hotel room.

With another deep breath I balled my fist up and knocked three times.

"You forgot your key, doofus," I heard Cat say as she approached the door and I also heard the lock click so that she could open it.

All of the horrible things that could happen when the door opened ran through my mind as I watched it beginning to open. What if she said she hated me? What if she realized that she didn't really love me during our time apart? What if-

The door finally opened and there she was. She gasped loudly and literally stepped backwards and away from me when she saw me. Her hand flew up to her chest and over her heart. "Oh my God," she breathed, sounding like she was nearly having a fangirl moment because she was so blown away that I was the one standing there.  
My eyes travelled from her face and down her body to see her in a dress that hugged her frame perfectly until it flowed out at the knees like some sort of mermaid tail or something.

What? I don't know about women's fashion.

All I knew was that it was a tight, long, strapless black dress that was sparkling and she looked- I didn't even have words.

"Oh my God," she said it again. "I'm hallucinating, aren't I?" she asked as she put her hand on her forehead and it looked like she genuinely believed she was. "I knew I needed to lay off that fucking xanax."

"You're not," I responded, shifting my eyes around nervously before looking back into hers. "May I come in?" I asked, clearing my throat. I was still afraid of how she was going to react; I mean, she was shocked now, but what was going to happen once that wore off?

Her hand slowly moved from her forehead and down to her side. She sort of looked like she went into a trance. This was odd but better than screaming. Finally, she nodded her head letting me know that I could come in.

I moved in around her and walked further into the room before turning around to face her as she shut the door. She was still staring at me like a deer in headlights and I knew I needed to say something but I wasn't even sure where to begin. I was so happy to finally see her, relieved that she hadn't objected to my presence, but at the same time I was still slightly terrified that she might pick up the lamp on the table and toss it at my face.

"You look beautiful," I told her, my eyes lingering over her frame once more. "I... I know you might not want me here tonight, but I had to come.. I had to see you," I said as I moved closer towards her. "And I had to tell you how sorry I am for everything that happened. I should have handled that better than I did," I told her as I reached into the pocket where the folded pieces of paper were tucked away. "I didn't have a chance to stop after we landed, but I wanted you to know how much I've been thinking about you.. how much I've missed you, and how much you mean to me. I know it might not seem like it with how I acted the last time I saw you but.. I'm sorry," I breathed out, offering her the folded papers.  
She bit down on her bottom lip and stared at me for a few seconds before finally stepping closer to me so that she could reach my hand. It was very easy to see that her hand was shaking as she took the papers from me. The first one she opened was the flowers and I felt a huge wave of relief hit me when I saw her smile as she gazed down at it. Next was the cat which actually made her giggle.

Holy shit. Was this going to work?  
It felt like my heart was going to pound out of my chest by the time she got to the next part.  
The most important one.

My eyes were focused on her face as I watched her read the words. She was looking down so I couldn't see her eyes which was driving me mad because I could read her emotions so easily just by looking at her eyes.

Her free hand came up to cover her mouth and that's also when I saw a tear roll down her cheek.

Fuck! Was that a good tear or a bad tear? I was ready to scream.

Finally, fucking finally, she looked up at me with her hand still covering her mouth and her eyes filled with tears. I hated seeing her cry. It was like Phil had said. It just wasn't right. She was Cat. She didn't cry.

"Dan," she finally spoke as she moved her hand away from her mouth but it came out as more of a sob than a normal sounding word. Instead of saying whatever I thought she would have to say after that, she took three steps and closed the distance between us before throwing her arms around my shoulders and pulling herself against me.

"I am so, so sorry," she whispered against my neck, her body shaking a bit against mine because she was crying I guessed. "I missed you so much."

I wrapped my arms around her, squeezing her as I rubbed my palm up and down her back. "I missed you too," I replied quietly, my face buried against her neck. I held her shaking body like that for awhile in silence before pulling away only enough so that I could see her face. "Shh, please, don't cry," I said, using my knuckle to wipe her tears away. "You'll ruin your make-up."

What? I know how hard it is to put that stuff on. She probably spent an hour perfecting it.  
Besides, seeing her cry made me want to puke, because if I hadn't been such a dick, this wouldn't even be happening.

Once I'd gotten rid of the tears that had fallen down her cheeks I leaned in and kissed her, then let my forehead rest against hers. "I was miserable without you," I admitted in a hushed tone. "I never want that to happen again."

"Me either," she shook her head. "That was so horrible. I've been running around Paris all week pretending to be okay and I haven't been. I should've just stopped and let you talk to me about everything. I was just-" she sighed. "I don't know what I was." She leaned in and kissed my lips but pulled away way too quickly and then stepped away from me but not too far.

"Holy shit," she laughed. "You're wearing a suit!"

I laughed too, because she was laughing - and at the point and time, nothing could have made me any happier than that. "Yeah," I looked down at myself then back over at her. "I guess I was hoping you'd take me to that posh event you're going to tonight," I said as I reached out for her hands, pulling her close to me again. I wanted to keep her as close as possible.

She laughed as she smoothed her hands over the chest of my suit. "Well, you look fucking delicious in it," she said as she looked down again and then back up at my face. "I'm going to take a wild guess and say that Leila and Phil came up with this idea? Poor things. We probably owe them so much for dealing with us for the past few days. I mean, assuming you were as annoying as I was."

I nodded. "This was definitely their doings," I said then laughed again, wrapping my arms around her once more. "I was probably worse. Phil actually snapped at me a couple of times. I was especially annoying today, though. And whiny... I saw you, by the way, when I was on my way to the hotel. You were wearing your big sunglasses. I yelled for you through traffic and probably got accused of being mental," I told her, chuckling. Though I didn't really care about being considered to be mental. I had some emotional imbalances earlier, there's no denying that.

She gasped and looked up at me. "That was you?" she laughed. "I told Leila I heard someone scream my name! Like, my whole name. She told me I had lost my mind but I knew i heard it." She didn't give me a chance to reply before her hands moved up to frame my face, her thumbs smoothing over my dimples. "I love you so much. I missed you so much. I just want to keep saying it and keep doing this," she said before pressing her lips against mine.

But this time there was no separating to say anything. Her hands moved into my hair and she pressed her body completely against mine as her tongue moved into my mouth and we kissed. There was something about her kisses that just drove me completely insane in the best way possible.

In that bloody tight dress I could feel every bit of her. All of the beautiful curves of her body. Shit. I didn't know how we were going to make it to this party.

Especially after I heard a soft moan escape her throat into the kiss. My hands roamed all over her back, down her sides, and of course her ass. I loved her ass.

"What the hell?" I suddenly heard Phil squawking from behind us and I literally groaned into the kiss. "Well, I guess we don't have to worry about there being any sort of issues anymore," he laughed.

I broke away from the kiss and glanced over my shoulder to see Phil and Leila standing side by side, both of them grinning at us. "My OTP is back together!" Leila fanned her face, pretending like she was about to cry. Or maybe she was about to cry. I'm not sure. All I could think about was how badly I wanted to kiss Cat again. "I just have so many feelings about this!"

Cat turned shifted us around so that she could see them. I was not removing my arms from around her. I felt like she was going to bolt like a cat because I had wanted to see her and hold her so badly and it felt like it was never going to happen again. I was being a paranoid git. I know.

"There is no gif for these feelings," Cat laughed, looking over at Phil and Leila. "No worries, babies. The foursome is together again," she grinned as she looked at me again and leaned in to kiss my lips. "Fuck. I don't even want to go to the party now," she laughed.

"Me either," Phil wrapped his arm around to Leila's side and pulled her closer to him. "Especially with how this lady looks this evening."

I got a good look at Leila and wow. She was gorgeous. I mean, she was gorgeous before. Cat and Leila are insanely beautiful women but seriously, wow.

Leila's dress was strapless and fit her like Cat's did but her's was red and looked lacey.

"You look beautiful, Cat," Phil smiled at her. "I hadn't gotten a chance to compliment you too."

"Awww, Philertons!" Cat let go of me and I probably looked like a lost puppy. I was being clingy and didn't even care.

She walked over and gave him a hug before pulling away and looking at him. "Damn, Phil. You're already hot but you look sexy in a suit. Both of you do. I can't even handle it," she laughed, looking over at Leila. "I'm having an inner fangirl moment. How about you?"

Leila looked from me, to Phil, to Dan and back at me before nodding then shaking her head. "I can't," she shrugged, laughing. "That's what they've reduced me to. They both look..." she trailed off then cleared her throat. "I need to go lurk the Phan tag on Tumblr so I can feel slightly sane again."

I laughed, because she hadn't even said anything - but then I remembered that I couldn't read her mind and her thoughts were probably horrific. "Thanks," I ran my hands down my suit coat, smiling at Leila. "You look smashing." Wow, did we really compliment each other? Odd. We usually take jabs and piss all over one another. "We should take some photos."

Cat gasped and clapped her hands. "Yes! I'm going to take a photo of us and add that shit to y'all's tags. There will be a shitstorm but they'll know we're together and Can is not broken." She said as she walked over to a table that was in the room which all of her photography stuff was on. "I'm glad I brought the tripod," she said as she took it over to the windows in the room and set it up.  
I just watched her as she went into photographer mode and pulled back the curtains, put the camera on the tripod, messed with the settings, and made sure everything was perfect. Hell, I would've been happy standing there watching her brush her teeth right then.

"Okay, okay!" she said excitedly as she walked over to the windows. The view they had was gorgeous. You could see the city lights sparkling and I even know it'd make for a great picture. "Ya'll come over here and we'll stand all prom picturey or some shit."

"I do love that photographer lingo of yours, Cat," Phil said as he and Leila made their way over to where she was standing.

I followed behind Leila and a thought occurred to me so I grabbed her arm and pulled her back towards me a bit. She looked up at me then down at her arm and back again. "I just wanted to say thanks, you know, for setting this up," I told her as I leaned in and wrapped my arms around her, hugging her. I was kind of surprised that she actually hugged me back just as tightly. Usually when I touched her she flailed and screamed at me to get away.

"You're my best friend," she responded before pulling away and smiling up at me. "I'm glad I could help," she glanced at Cat then at me again. "Plus, you were annoying the piss out of my boyfriend," she laughed. "Did we just have a bonding moment?"

I nodded. "I think we did!"

"Awwww!" I looked over and Cat and Phil were standing next to each other holding hands and pretending to cry.

"We're so proud," Phil said as he sniffled and pretended to wipe a tear.

Cat laughed as she let go of his hand and reached out for me to pull me over beside her. "Okay. I think Leila and I should be in the middle and y'all on the other sides of of. Obviously," she told us and we all began moving to stand where she wanted. "The first one can just be normal and the next one can be crazy or something. It's on a setting to take pictures every-" the camera flashed and interrupted her and she started laughing. "15 seconds."

Laughing, we all stood close to each other and I wrapped my arm around Cat's waist. "Say team Phileican!" I smiled.

"Team Phileican!" Phil, Leila, Cat, and I all said together just before the flash went off.

"Okay.. now grope yourselves!" Leila said and grabbed her chest. Cat looked over at her like she mental, Phil looked really confused, and I was grabbing my crotch as I winked at the camera.

No wonder she's my female bffl.

Cat turned around and grabbed her own ass. I'm not sure of what the hell Phil was doing because I was staring at Cat grabbing her ass. I wanted to grab that ass.

"Okay! I think that's good," she said as she walked over to the camera. She took it off of the tripod and walked over to us so we could see the photos. We all leaned in around her to look.

The first one was just derpy as hell because we had no idea the photo was going to be taken. The second one was perfect. The funny ones were beyond amazing and I found it hilarious that Phil had also decided to grab his crotch.

"What time is it?" Cat asked me. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and showed her that it was 5 minutes until 7.

"Fuck it. I don't care if we're late. I'm uploading these," she giggled as she attempted to run in that dress over to the bed to upload them.

It didn't take her very long because apparently she's a photo wizard of some sort.

She cleared her throat and looked over at us. "This is what it says," she told us. "Do not fret, Phandom. Can is not broken. Phileila still lives on. Phileician is unbreakable. I would say sorry to the people who don't ship all of these but I'm not. Enjoy our fanciness. Happy Friday!"

"I need a drink before I start thinking about all of the scary shit they're going to talk about doing to us for that one," Leila laughed.

"Are you really still afraid of the phandom? They haven't hurt you guys yet," I replied.

"_Yet _being the operative word! And I'm not scared of the _phandom. _I love the phandom! I'm a member of it, remember? I'm just scared of the ones who need high doses of thorazine," Leila explained

"Baby, I think you might be the one who needs a high dose of thorazine," Cat told her as she walked over to her and patted her shoulder. "It will be okay. Ninety percent of them are too young to buy a plane ticket or fly alone," she laughed. "Let's go to the party and drink too much free champagne, okay?"

She leaned in and kissed Leila's cheek before walking over to me. She tilted her head as she approached me and had that little grin going on that she always gave me before she pounced me and naughty things happened.

"Damn, you look so, so good in a suit," she said as she smoothed her hands down the front of it. She leaned in and kissed my lips. I noticed her heels made her tall enough to not have to stand on her tip toes to reach me. She whispered so softly against my lips that I almost didn't hear it. "My panties are already destroyed."

Bloody hell.

I cleared my throat. Fact: we were about to be even more late to this party.

"I need your special attention," I whispered back to her as I grabbed her hand. I noticed Phil and Leila watching us as we made our way across the hotel room. Hopefully they could take a hint. And if they couldn't? They'd get to hear us have sex once again.

She walked into the bathroom first and I followed behind her. Without taking my eyes off of her I kicked the door shut; fuck, she looked so good tonight. .  
I didn't say a word as I stepped towards her, closing the space between us. She had her back to me as, checking her appearance in the mirror like she didn't know what was about to happen. I pressed my torso against it, watching her. She grinned at me looking at my reflection in the mirror.

I slid my hands down her sides, onto her hips as I leaned in and kissed her shoulder, dragging my lips across it until I got to her neck. "I want to show you how much I missed you," I whispered against her ear before turning her around to face me.

I dipped in to kiss her lips hungrily and I pushed her back, forcing her onto the bathroom counter; things falling off of it and hitting against the bathroom floor.

Smoothing my hands down her thighs I pulled her legs further apart and moved in closer, deepening the kiss, my tongue massaging against hers. My fingertips trailed across her warm skin, onto her inner thighs and I groped them as I started pushing my hands up and under her dress, forcing the fabric up in the process.

My mouth parted from hers and instantly moved against her neck as I caressed my tongue against it before grazing my teeth across it and closing my lips around her flesh, biting and sucking on it more gently than I would have any other time. I didn't want to leave a mark, seeing as her neck would be exposed tonight.

My fingers curled around the sides of her underwear but I didn't attempt to take them off of her in a way that they could be salvaged – instead, I ripped them off and pulled them away, quickly meshing my fingertips against her clit then slipping two fingers inside of her.

"You're so wet," I mumbled. "And tight."

Her lips vibrated against mine as she let out a loud moan, which I silenced with my tongue as I moved it around inside of her mouth.

I used my free hand to undo the buttons on my suit jacket then started tugging on my belt to get my trousers loosened up.

Cat let out another moan that echoed against the bathroom walls as I curled my fingers inside of her and worked them against her g-spot, my mouth on her neck again.

"I want you," she whispered against my ear, her hands groping at my cock as she helped me undo my belt. My pants fell to my ankles and I pulled my fingers out of her and lifted her up off of the counter, turning her around once her feet were on the floor again.

I bent her over the sink, kissing from her shoulder to the back of her neck as I unzipped her expensive dress. I tugged the fabric down off of her chest, checking her reflection in the large mirror in front of us now that her breasts were exposed.

After a few seconds the material fell to the floor and she stepped out of it before I spread her legs a little further and forced her forward against the counter so that her ass was sticking out in front of me. "Damn, baby," I moaned against her neck as I slid one of my hands down her stomach and between her legs, rubbing my fingertips in circles against her now swollen clit.

I tugged my briefs down with the other and felt around my shirt pocket for the condom I had brought with me. Yes I brought a condom. Phil talked make up sex up so much – how could I not have brought one?

I ripped it open quicker than ever and rolled it over my shaft; guiding it in against her pussy, I leaned in against her and looked at the mirror so that I could see her face as I filled her up.

And I did, slowly, simultaneously pressing my finger firmly against her clit.

Cat's mouth fell open and a very loud "Fuck!" escaped it as her eyes switched from her reflection to mine.

There was something so fucking hot about watching her like this.

As I began swaying my hips against hers I leaned in even further and slid my hand down her arm, lacing my fingers through hers as the others continued rubbing against her clit.

Cat used her palms to steady herself against my forceful thrusts, her cleavage bouncing with every movement of our colliding hips. She began to moan loudly and I turned my head inwards and she turned her heads towards me, kissing me before I had the chance to kiss her myself.

"I love you," she moaned before biting and tugging on my bottom lip.

"I love you too," I grunted, catching her bottom lip between my own, sucking it into my mouth.

I trailed my lips from hers, down her jawline and onto her ear; breathing heavily against it I stroked my tongue against it then nipped on her earlobe before progressing onto her neck. It took all I had not to bite her – the pleasure between us so strong that I had to let out a moan myself.

Sliding my hand back up her arm I smoothed it between her shoulders, stopping once I was at the small of her back. I pushed my palm against it, causing it to arch and her ass to stick out further, giving me a better angle to fuck her.

I slid my hand from between her thighs and instantly grabbing one of her tits. Massaging my palm against it I watched her reflection in the mirror and leaned in to to kiss her neck again.

I pulled away again to watch her and I noticed that her eyes were focused on my reflection in the mirror in front of us. I loved that she was watching me so intently - the fact that she was watching me fuck her was enough to make me go _fucking _crazy; not to mention her moans and the way she was screaming my name, begging, pleading for me to fuck her harder and faster.

I let go of her tit and slid both of my hands down her sides again, grasping her hips very tightly, steadying her as I did exactly what she told me. I fucked her harder, faster, more forcefully than before; I was slamming her against me as my hips knocked into hers. I could feel her pussy clenching against my dick and the look in her eyes on her face told me that she was about to cum - because she couldn't say a word between moaning and panting.

"I want you to cum with me, baby," I moaned against her ear before nipping at her earlobe.

That seemed to do it for her.

She let out the loudest moan yet, cumming so hard that I could feel my dick sliding out of her, so, with one final, strong thrust against her, I let my head fall back, cumming along with her.

"Fuck," I panted, my hips still swaying against hers, only slowly - they had gotten into such a repetitive motion that I had to actively stop myself from moving them as I leaned in against her and wrapped my arms around her. "I hope that did how much I missed you justice," I breathed against her neck before leaving a kiss against it.

"It definitely did," she whispered, her voice shaking. "Oh God," she laughed. "I think my heart is going to pound out of my fucking chest. Why is make up sex always so good?"

"I have no idea," I laughed before kissing her neck again. "But now I think I understand what the big deal is," I pulled away from her then took a moment to appreciate her body from this side. Bloody hell. It was such a beautiful sight. "I would say it made the fight we had worthwhile but.. no amount of sex could make that miserable situation worth it," I told her as I shuffled towards the bin to throw the condom away. I pulled my briefs back up then bent down to pull my pants back up over my hips and fix my belt.

She stood upright again and laughed when she swayed to the side a bit. She was wearing heels which made her standing there naked even hotter. "Thanks for not fucking up my hair," she laughed as she examined it in the mirror. She turned around and picked up her dress then just stood there watching me while I got dressed. "I'm going to enjoy this little show while I wait for you to help me put this thing on," she grinned.

Smiling, I walked back towards her and took her dress from her arms. I had to turn it a few times to figure out how the hell she was supposed to get into the damn thing. I mean, you would think that it would be obvious, but it wasn't. "Where the hell is the zipper.. Oh," I laughed once I found it. Getting her out of the dress proved to be much easier than getting her back into it. Once she stepped inside of it I pulled it up over her curves and zipped it back up; a very Phil-like thought crossing my mind. "Did Leila have to help you get into this thing?" I asked, then got very naughty mental pictures.

She laughed and nodded. "Yeah we had to help each other. We're both so not girly. It was quite amusing. I wasn't sure I'd even be able to move in this thing but it's actually pretty comfortable." She checked herself out in the mirror and then turned to me before straightening my bow tie. She reached up and smoothed out a piece of my hair, grinning at me the whole time. "I'm so happy you're here. This night feels so perfect now and we haven't even gone to the party."  
"I couldn't agree more," I smiled as I brought my hand up to cup her cheek then leaned in to kiss her. "Do you think we should get going? I wonder if Phileila stuck around for that?" I laughed, stepping away from her so I could open the bathroom door. I poked my head out of it to see an empty room. "Looks like they've left us. They're probably in mine and Phil's room. Let's go get them."

Cat grabbed her card off of the table as well as her purse and the two of us left our room and headed down the hallway. From outside of our hotel room I could hear Leila laughing.

Or at least I thought she was laughing.

I opened the door and I was terribly confused at what I saw.

Leila was standing there facing me, holding onto the dresser beside her with her eyes closed and she wasn't laughing. She was moaning.

But..

How in the?

What was even happening?

I didn't see Phil and Leila was completely dressed.

"What the fuck?" I blurted out.

Cat peeked in over my shoulder and gasped. "Oh my God!" she squealed before stepping backwards and grabbing my jacket. "Out. Get out!" she laughed as she pulled me.

"But I don't understand!" I was gawking at Leila, who was looking at me with a shocked look on her face.

"Stop staring!" she gasped. "Please, just.. go," she said breathlessly.

"Get out, Dan!" I heard Phil mumbled from somewhere.

I stared until Cat drug me out of the room and then shut the door in front of me. "What was that?" I asked, completely baffled as I looked down at her.

She was laughing so hard her face was turning red. "Oh God. Oh God," she finally choked out. "He was- he," she shook her head, still laughing. "Phil was eating her pussy and we just walked in on it," she managed to force herself to say.

"But.." I pointed at the door. "Where was Phil?!" I was laughing too. Not because I found a lot of humor in it, but because I was still so confused. However, after about three seconds I finally understood. "Oh. No," I shook my head as I brought my hand up to my forehead, pressing my fingertips against it. "He was under her dress. Oh. Why? WHY?" I laughed as I continued to shake my head.

What is my life.

I don't even know anymore.

"That's the second time I've walked in on them! What the-" I stopped talking and threw my hands up. "I have no words."

Cat rolled her eyes at me and was still laughing but not as hard. "It probably happened because of some of the same reasons that you pulled me in a bathroom and bent me over the sink to fuck my brains out," she grinned. "Leila looks hot in that dress, they haven't seen each other in days, they probably heard the beginning of our little adventure which would turn anyone on. There's all kinds of reasons. We should try that. That was hot."

"That was horrific!" I laughed. "I literally just stared at her... I'm like some kind of weird peeping Tom," I said as I looked back down at her. "At least she was dressed this time and I didn't have to see Phil's glowing bum... but-" I heard the door closing, which made me jump a little because I hadn't even heard it open, and I looked over to see the two of them coming out of the room. Leila was avoiding eye contact and Phil was shaking his head.

"And at least you didn't start screaming this time," Phil stated.

"Can we not relive that?" I asked, which was probably stupid to say since I had brought it up. "Oi. I need alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol."

Cat walked over to Leila, still grinning, and held up her hand for her to high five her. "Good job, babe. I couldn't be more proud," she told her in a completely serious tone. Damn. My girlfriend was awesome.

Leila held her hand up and laughed as Cat high fived it. "Thanks, but that was definitely Phil's idea," she told her, glancing over at him then looking back at Cat. "By the way," she began, tilting her head. "We heard you two. Either you're really, really loud or they need to fix the insulation in this place."

Cat started laughing and glanced over at me. "I'm really, really loud. It's very difficult not to be with Mr. Magic Cock over there." She walked over to me and grabbed my hand. "Shall we go to the party, my lovelies?" she asked, speaking with my accent instead of her own.

"Mr. Magic Cock. The Phans would love that, Dan. Maybe you should change your names online," Phil told me as we walked towards the lifts.

"And apparently Phil is Mr. Magic Tongue. Both of you can change your names," Cat suggested.

I glanced over at Phil as I pressed the down arrow on the lift. "I'll do it if you will," I shrugged, knowing good and well that he would never.

We all piled into the lift and Phil explained why he couldn't change his names online - because of the younger fans; which is exactly what I had been expecting.

We took a taxi to the party and can I just say, that party was some posh.

Literally, everyone, except for the four of us, came by the means of a limousine or a fancy town car, so of course everyone was really bloody rich.

Phil and I were two of the most awkward people there and we even got confused as being 'the help.'

I'm not joking.

At one point some woman brought me her champagne glass and asked me if I could fetch her a refill while people kept giving Phil their coats to put away.

Leila and Cat on the other hand fit in quite well; if I hadn't known them, I would have thought they did this type of thing all the time. Lots of people knew who Leila was because of her book and the movie and even more knew Cat because of her job at People.

At one point this old man started chatting her up. I could have sworn that he was some old pervert by the way he was looking at her. I thought I was going to have to pop one of his hips out of place or something but it turns out that he was just some very rich man who was very interested in buying one of Cat's photos that he had seen on her online portfolio.

He offered her 10,000 pounds for the rights to use it in advertisements.

He also offered her a job shooting for his stock photography company in her spare time, which she agreed to.

Of course after that - we all started throwing the drinks back to celebrate, then got even more odd looks from people when we all decided it would be a good time to start dancing.

We were the only four on the dancefloor.

And Cat was getting...provocative.

Her arms were around my shoulders and we were grinding on each other like 15 year olds humping at a homecoming dance. "I want you," she whispered in my ear followed by doing her drunk giggle. I looked up to see we were getting some stares.

Any other time I would be okay with this but Cat was there representing People and I knew she wouldn't want anything weird to happen. "How about we get Phil and Leila and go back to our rooms?" I asked after kissing her cheek.

"Sounds good to me!" she said as she pulled back. She grabbed my hand and skipped over to where Leila and Phil were slow dancing to a song that was not even slow. "Let's go, babies!" Cat told them while humping Leila. Literally humping her ass.

I managed to pull her away even though Leila started humping back which only added fuel to Cat's fire.

"I love it when they're drunk," Phil told me as we began walking out of the party. "Like, I like to get drunk but when I'm drunk and Leila's drunk it's a better drunk."

"Waaaay too deep for my champagne soaked brain, Phil," Cat told him as we stepped out into the hallway where she immediately kicked her shoes off. "Wooo. No more fancy shit," she cheered as she walked over to pick up her shoes.

"Who wants to go the room and drink more?" she asked, swaying as she held her hand up.

"I do!" Phil raised his hand.

"ME!" Leila squealed and then lunged toward Cat, who had her back towards her; she jumped up and then -

"PIGGY BACK RIDE!" She was on Cat's back, slapping her own ass. "Giddy up!"

"Shhh! We're going to get kicked out," I laughed as I rushed towards them, figuring it was only a matter of seconds before Cat toppled over and they both fell to the floor and broke something.

Surprisingly, though, Cat held her own and started galloping down the hallway to their hotel room while Phil and I walked, both of us cracking up at the sight.

You see, Leila is quite a bit taller than Cat and the entire thing was just hilarious to see.

We managed to make it to the door just as it was shutting and both of the girls ran into the bathroom together carrying a change of clothes.

I took of my jacket and rolled the sleeves of my shirt up while Phil started looking through the mini fridge in the corner of the room.

"Someone call room service and order some food!" Leila called out from the bathroom. "All those rich people had were fish eggs and snails!"

"And wine!" Cat added. "We can't forget the wine!"

"Food?!" Phil was all over that and he rushed towards the phone to call room service.

"Uhh Je would l'like some le waffles," Phil said with a French accent then covered his mouth as he started laughing because he knew how ridiculous he sounded. "Oh," he frowned. I'm guessing they were telling him that they didn't have waffles at this hour. "Le crisps?"

I lost it. Completely. I fell back on the bed and started laughing, which caused Phil to start laughing in the person's ear.

When Cat and Leila came out of the bathroom, we were still laughing and they were looking at us with very confused expressions. Of course I couldn't keep myself from laughing long enough to explain what was so funny and they started laughing because Phil and I were still losing it.

And of course Cat walked out wearing a pair of my boxers rolled up so far that I could almost see the bottom of her ass cheeks and a tight little black tank top. She was on some sort of mission to make my penis explode, I was sure of it.

She jumped on the bed next to me and leaned over to kiss my lips even though I was laughing still. "What happened? Did Phil fart or something? Phil fart. That's great," she started laughing at herself.

"I just want some bloody waffles and crisps!" Phil yelled out which made me laugh even harder.

"Psh. I got this shit," Cat said as she crawled over me and reached out for the phone. Phil gave it to her and she cleared her throat. "Yes, is Claudette working?...This is Catherine Radley...Mmhm. Thanks." She moved the phone away from her face. "He knew english, dumbass," she laughed.

"What?" Phil smacked his hands down on the bed and laughed. "Dammit!"

"Claudette! Hey, it's Cat..Yeah girl!" she laughed and I wondered who the fuck she was talking to. "Listen, I need some stuff...Like 4 bottles of red wine, some waffles, some salt and vinegar crisps and uh, is there anything else y'all want?" she asked looking around at us.

I was too busy laughing at Phil's misfortune to say anything - plus I hardly doubt that they had Maltesers in the kitchen. Leila shook her head at Cat then proceeded to turn her attention to Phil, pinning him down against the bed to kiss him.

"I think that's a no for all of us, babe," I managed to say as I sat myself up.

"That's it..Yep!..Thanks sweetie!" she hung up the phone and turned towards me before beginning to crawl across the bed towards me like- well, like a cat.

She stopped abruptly and sat up straight with her arms stretched up above her head. "I have an idea!" she started bouncing on her knees. I watched her boobs. Bouncy. Bouncy. Oh God.

"What is it?" Phil mumbled against Leila mouth raping him.

"We should play truth or dare!" she said before clapping her hands. Then she moved forward again and swung a leg over me before settling her ass right over my crotch. "You wanna play, baby?" she asked in the most seductive voice possible.

"Oh, you know it," I mumbled as I shifted around on the bed. Think of disturbing things.

Bumming Susan Boyle.  
Phil's ass.  
Placenta.

Okay, there we go.

"I do!" Leila rolled off of Phil and sat up like she hadn't just been attacking him like some kind of lioness or something. "Who goes first?"


	30. And my ovaries POOOOW

Dan's POV

"Whoever wants to!" Cat said as she crawled off of me. Thankfully. I was 2 seconds from losing my train of horrible thoughts. "I can go if y'all want since I recommended the game."

"You go, Cat," Phil said as he kicked his shoes off.

"Okay, Phil! Truth or dare," she grinned like she was about to do something bad. I was a bit scared.

"Truth," he laughed. "I'm not drunk enough for a dare from you."

"Poopie head," Cat rolled her eyes. "Ummm. Let's see. How soon after meeting Leila did you know that you wanted to have sex with her?" she asked, her gaze moving from Phil to Leila as she said it. They both started giggling.

"Oh God," he laughed, rolling his eyes. He looked over at Leila then back at Cat. "Honestly? When I saw you two in that shop and Leila was hugging those Cadbury fingers," he laughed. "I thought she was like the hottest girl I'd ever seen. Seriously."

"Damn, Phil!" Cat laughed.

Leila started brushing her shoulder off then acted like she was flipping her hair over it. "I had it even when he thought I was a crazy underage stalker," she laughed.

"This needs to be recoded," I commented. "No more truth or dares until I get back!" I rolled off of the bed and ran towards the door and down the hallway to mine and Phil's room. After grabbing my camera bag I ran back and knocked on the door.

Cat let me back in and we both took our spots on the bed again as I started digging through the bag. "Alright, who is going next?" I asked, pulling the camera out and turning it on.

"It's Phil's turn to ask someone," Leila answered and then there was another knock on the door. "Food's here! Yay food and wine!" she jumped off of the bed and ran to the door. "Bonjour!" she greeted the room service lady. "Oui," Leila said after the lady spoke to her in French. Something told me she had no idea what the lady had even said. "Merci beaucoup!"

I heard the door shut and I turned around with the camera to see Leila wheeling in a tray of noms.

All of the sudden I felt the mattress shift, heard a little thud and then an "Ow!" from Cat followed by loud laughter from Phil. I turned with the camera to see my girlfriend sprawled out on the floor giggling. "I fell down."

"She rolled off the bloody bed!" Phil laughed. "What were you even doing?"

"I have no idea," she shook her head as she sat up and then stuck her tongue out at the camera before scrambling up to her feet. "I got us each a bottle of wine," she laughed. "I think that'll be enough, yeah?" she asked as she turned around to face me holding two bottles.

I started laughing again as I took one of the bottles from her. "I think you might have already had enough," I told her, referring to the fact that she had just face planted on the floor. "What do you think?" I asked the camera as I turned it around on myself then on Cat.

"We're classy," I heard Leila say as she popped the cork off of her bottle of wine. "Drinking wine right out of the bottle. Too bad they didn't have boxed wine. We could just waterfall it out of the nozzle and do a keg stand. Or a boxed wine stand, which is the same thing, only fucking classier."

"Which we have done," Cat replied pointing towards Leila and then turned to me. "And no, they don't think I've had enough," she said, referring to the audience who might end up watching the video if it didn't get insane. "And they think that you shouldn't cut me off because you're danisnotonfire and danisnotonfire is too awesome to cut his girlfriend off," she nodded and grinned.

"Waffles!" Phil said out of nowhere before cramming one into his mouth. He scrunched his nose up as he swallowed it. "Not as good as Cat's."

"I've spoiled you," Cat laughed.

"Leila has spoiled me with her delicious-"

"That escalated quickly!" Cat interrupted him by speaking and popping the cork off of her bottle of wine.

He shrugged as he walked over to the bed with his waffles. "Well, it is delicious."

"I'm sure it is delightful," Cat laughed as she sat down on the bed next to me. "Okay, I forgot where we were in the game," she laughed before tipping back the bottle.

"So we're in Paris and we're all pretty drunk right now," I began doing my commentary as I moved the camera around, starting with Cat, who was still guzzling the wine. "Whiskers deep throating a bottle of red wine," I laughed at myself then moved the camera to Leila who literally sitting there staring at the wine bottle trying her best to pronounce the name of it. "Pholdemort trying to read. I don't know how she wrote a bloody book," I said and she looked up and laughed sarcastically before actually laughing. I moved the camera to Phil who was stuffing his face. "And Phil, everyone. The poster child for obesity."

"We're playing truth or dare-"

"Yeah! Well we were! It's still Phil's turn," Leila glanced over at him.

"Oh!" Phil laughed as he wiped the corner of his mouth. He looked over at me. "Ummm. Dan, truth or dare?"

"Oh, you know me," I laughed. "I live life on the edge. Dare," I replied.

"Oh hell, I didn't think of anything before I said it," he laughed and then began looking around the room. He finally stopped when he looked down beside himself and then he grabbed one of those packets of butter they give you for waffles. "I dare you to eat this. All of it," he said before throwing it to me.

"Ugh. I've done this before," I made a scoffing noise and a disgusted face. "But alright. Whiskers, hold this," I said, handing Cat the camera. I turned around to face her as I peeled the top of it back. "It smells like heart disease!" I said enthusiastically after I sniffed it. I stuck my finger in it and scooped all of the butter off then put my finger into my mouth. "Ugh," I shook my head then grabbed my bottle of wine to wash it away. "Why did I do that _again_?" I grimaced, smacking my lips.

"I don't know but I am not looking forward to kissing you now," Cat said as she turned the camera around to face herself and scrunched up her nose while shaking her head. Then she smiled and brought the camera closer to her face. "Just kidding. I'm gonna kiss him anyway."

"BOOM!" Phil yelled out of nowhere and Cat turned the camera towards him. "That was the sound of fangirls falling out of their chairs and sobbing."

"That's the sound of Cat getting shot for saying both of those statements," Leila giggled at herself.

"Ay, Pholdy, truth or dare?" I asked, tilting my head back to take another swig of my wine.

"Dare," Leila responded after thinking for a couple of seconds. I gave her a very surprised look. "What? I'm not scared of you. We both know I'm the better troller," she laughed and rolled her neck while making a duck face.

"Oh God," Phil spoke up sounding genuinely scared. "Dan, don't do anything too crazy, please. I happen to love her," he laughed.

"Kiss Cat," I replied, smirking as I shifted my eyes away from her, over to Phil, whose mouth was now hanging open a bit.

Leila rolled her eyes. "Oh no," she held her hands up. "He wants me to kiss someone I've already kissed before! This is horrible," she laughed.

"I mean _really _kiss her," I added as I grabbed the camera back from Cat.

Leila smiled. "Been there, done that," she shrugged and then got off of her bed and walked over to ours. She straddled Cat's lap, grabbed her face and leaned in and kissed her. I mean.. she really bloody kissed her - open mouthed, forcing her body against her, kissed her.

And Cat responded. She definitely responded.

Her hands moved to Leila's ass and she grabbed it, pulling her harder against her as she tilted her head to deepen the kiss.

"Oh fuck," Phil blurted out but I didn't even bother looking over at him.

They broke the kiss and started giggling like it was no big deal and Cat gave her a quick peck before Leila crawled off of her lap and moved back over to Phil who was just sitting there with his mouth hanging open.

"Neeext," Cat sang as she picked up her bottle of wine and took a sip of it acting like she didn't just act like she was in a porn or something.

"Bloody hell," I laughed, finally glancing over at Phil, who was staring at the side of Leila's face, his mouth still open. I made sure to record that.

"Okay, Cat. Truth or dare," Leila asked her, sounding just as unaffected as Cat did about the fact that they just kissed.

She tilted her head and gave me one of her sweet smiles. "Truth." She shocked me a bit with that. I expected her to get ballsy.

"This is hard," Leila laughed. "I already know everything about you..." she tilted her head in thought. "Hmm.. Okay, which one of us would you rather not be stuck on an island with?"

Her eyes got big and her mouth fell open. "No!" she squealed. "I am not answering that. I actually don't think I could answer that. I love all of you too much. You're evil, Lele!" she laughed, pointing towards her.

"Sorry! It was all I could think of," she laughed. "You could have said me. My survival skills are shit. Do I have to ask another or-"

"NO! It goes to a dare!" I blurted out.

"Sheesh, calm your tits, Dan," Leila laughed. "Okay, Cat, I dare you to spell Dan's personality with his name."

"What is that rubbish?!" I shrieked. "I had to eat butter and she gets out on saying a few words?"

"I didn't dare you to eat the butter! I would have been far more cruel than that," Leila chuckled.

"Oh Moses on a moped!" Cat flailed her arms. "That's hard and i'm drunk and that is also what she said."

"Dumb. Annoying. Neurotic," Leila laughed. "Delightful, dainty, delicious, devious.. I'm just throwing some adjectives out there, don't mind me."

"Dainty?" I laughed. "Wow."

"Dickhead, asshole, nipple hair," Phil added his own to the mix.

"Wow. This dare has turned into a big clusterfuck of fuckness," Cat laughed. "Um," she tilted her head as she looked at me. "Dazzling," she giggled. "Amazing and naughty," she nodded.

"Dazzling," Phil laughed. "Like Edward Cullen dazzling?"

"People other than Edward Cullen can dazzle, Philertons!" Cat defended. "Dan dazzles me all the time. He could probably accidentally stab me with a fork and then be like "Oh, I love you, baby" in his little sexy accent and I'd be like dazzlefied."

"Did you guys hear that?" I asked the potential future audience. "Whiskers thinks I'm dazzling and that I could stab her and she'd still be dazzlefied. I think she deserves a kiss for that," I said as I leaned in to kiss her, holding the camera out to record it. "Who's turn is it now?" I asked, moving the camera around.

"I dare Phil and Leila to have sex right now!" Cat suddenly yelled while pointing towards them.

"You've had too much wine," Phil laughed, shaking his head before he took a big gulp of his own.

"We're all friends here! I wanna see it!" she clapped her hands. "I wanna see p goin' in v!"

"Watch me fuck you," Leila said in a deep seductive man-voice, using mine and Phil's accent before she fell over sideways on the bed. "Dead. Just dead. And my ovaries... POOOOW. Destroyed."

"What the fuck?" I laughed, moving the camera between Phil and Leila.

"Whaaat?" Cat asked, laughing as she did. "I am so confused."

"I cannot believe you just did that," Phil looked over at her, laughing while he was speaking. "Wow."

"Wait, wait, hold the taint!" Cat said as she held her arms out. "Did Phil say that while he was fucking you or something?"

Phil turned to look at Cat very quickly with his mouth open in shock. He told on himself.

Cat gasped loudly. "Phil! You're so naughty! I don't think Dan has ever even said anything that naughty."

"Oh God!" he covered his face with his hands and fell back on the bed. "This is not happening," he laughed.

"Oh, it gets better," Leila held her hand up, still lying on her side. "Cum on my cock," she said, using the same deep voice and the accent as well before rolling around on the bed.

"Jesus on a unicycle," I shook my head. "Phil, you're filthy. Do you kiss your mum with that mouth?"

"He kisses my-" Leila was stopped by Phil's hand from saying anything else.

It was hilarious when Leila got drunk. She turned half Cat, maybe even more.

"Says the guy who bent me over a bathroom counter and fucked my brains out a few hours ago," Cat spoke to me before taking a long sip of her wine again. "Phil, you can tell Dan some naughty things to say to me while we're humping if you want."

"Oh my God, no!" Phil responded sounding horrified. His hand was still over Leila's mouth and I could hear her muffled laughter. "Weirdo."

"Yeah, I can come up with stuff to say on my own," I said.

Note to self: Google ways to talk dirty to Cat.

"Are we playing truth or dare?" I asked. "Or are we playing talk sex with Phil?"

Leila's muffled laughter got louder and she wiggled away from Phil's hand that was covering her mouth. "I'm sorry," she said as she looked up at him. "I'll behave, I promise."

"We're playing talk sex with Phil," Cat nodded and laughed. "I like this game. So, Leila, does Phil get all dominant and shit or what?"

Oh God. Leave it up to Cat to come up with this fuckery.

Leila sat back up and clenched her teeth, frowning as she looked between Cat and Phil. "I know the answer but I don't want to say it because I don't want Phil to get mad. Well, not mad, because he doesn't get mad, but you know," she drunk rambled. "I just promised him that I would behave."

"Awww, sweetheart," Phil turned towards her. "I'm not bothered if you tell them things. I'm just awkward and have no idea of how to react to it," he laughed as he leaned in and kissed her lips. "I love you, by the way."

"I think he's probably dominant," Cat nodded. "Usually the sweet quiet ones are the ones who just attack like cats in heat then crazy ass people like me end up being submissive."

"I love you too," she giggled against his lips. "And, mmm, you taste like syrup," she kissed him again then looked at Cat and nodded slowly, answering her question.

"Submissive my ass," I laughed. "Don't you remember LA?" I cocked my brow at her. "You sure as hell weren't submissive there."

"Oh yeah. I made that shit mine," she grinned, nodding. "But normally I'm just like-" she fell back on the bed and posed all seductively, "my body is ready!"

Phil, Leila, and I all started laughing at her and I made sure to get a good shot of her doing her pose.

"Well I love you either way," I told her as I leaned in and kissed her. "Jesus in a Jeep, we're all so A.D.D," I laughed. "We got through what, one round of truth or dare?" I shook my head. "And in the process we almost demolished four bottles of wine, learned about Phileila's sex life, as if I didn't already know enough, and Cat showed everyone her sex position."

"Woooo! Successful night is successful! Can we have sex now?" Cat asked before leaning towards me and biting my ear.

"I would like to have sex as well," Phil spoke up. "With Leila, I mean."

"Gah, Phil! That hurt my feelings!" Cat pretended to be offended.

"Sorry. I'm enchanted by Leila's vagina," he sighed.

"And you claim to be awkward," Leila laughed as she fell back on the bed. "I'm sorry, I'm not sorry. But I'm not moving unless someone carries me," she informed all of us. "What bloody time is it even?" she asked, not noticing or probably even caring that she just said 'bloody.'

"Uh, I will carry you myself, Pholdy. You're not getting in the way of Can's sexual adventures," I told her.

"You walked in on mine," she responded. "Twice."

I facepalmed myself.

"It was hot!" Cat said as she stood up from the bed. She held her arms out to steady herself. "Okay, I'm good," she nodded and looked down at me. "Shall we go to the other room, darling?" she asked, wiggling her eyebrows.

"Yeah!" I said excitedly, jumping up from the bed. "Bye Phileila," I walked backwards, recording them as I walked out of the door with Cat.

Phil's POV

"Chinese take out is officially the best medicine for a hangover," I said as I sat down on the couch next to Leila. We had just gotten back to London about an hour earlier. Our flight was early that morning and we were all so hung over. I actually think I was still drunk until a few minutes before we got off the plane.

Cat and Dan were sitting on the other couch eating as well. Our entire table in the living room was covered with entirely too much food along with bottles of water and advil thanks to Cat and Leila's quick trip to shop when we got home.

We had plans to begin moving Leila's things over to mine and Dan's flat that day but I did not see it happening with all of us feeling the way we did. She didn't have a lot of stuff though so that was a plus.

"I can't believe you're leaving me," Cat poked her bottom lip out, speaking to Leila. "What if someone tries to kill me and you're not there to protect me? I'm going to die!"

"Awww," Leila made a sad face at her. "If you want, I can teach you how to bludgeon someone to death with a Totoro," she laughed weakly. "I'll come visit you everyday, and we can have sleepovers too."

"Bludgeon someone to death with a Totoro?" Dan asked, looking up at Leila from Cat's chest. He had pretty much been attached to her hip since he saw her the previous night in Paris. "You could always jump out of your window into a taxi," he looked up at Cat. "Since I proved that I won't be of much help if someone tried to kill us," Dan's voice got deeper as he glanced over at me and Leila.

I shouldn't have because it probably just set my doom in stone but I started laughing because the memory of Dan and Cat being reduced to tears by our trolling was one of the highlights of my life. "Cat, I'm sure Dan will be with you most of the time anyway," I told her as I reached over for my bottle of water. "I am sorry for stealing Leila though."

I looked over at Leila and realized she was actually going to be there all the time. She wouldn't just be spending the night every other night. There would be no back and forth from apartment to apartment. I'd get to wake up next to her everyday. I leaned over and kissed her cheek before looking over at Cat again. "I'm kind of not sorry though," I laughed.

"Phil has a point.. for once," Dan chuckled at himself. "I might as well just move in with you, since I'll be there more often than not," he said as he reached for his bottle of water, his hand missing it by a couple of inches. "Damn it," he whined. "Too hungover and comfortable to be bothered to move."

Cat reached over and grabbed the water for him. "Are you serious about that?" she asked. "Because if you want to I'd totally be down with you moving in."

"I ship it," I laughed as I popped some noodles into my mouth. "We can all walk around our own flats naked."

"And you might not ever walk in on us again," Leila added, pointing between the two of us.

Laughing, Dan raised up so he could look at Cat. "Really?" he asked, looking genuinely surprised. "I mean, yeah, I'm serious.. we're together all of the time. I just wasn't sure if that was something that you would want," he responded, grabbing his water now that he could actually reach it.

"Of course, baby," she said as she reached up to run her fingers through the front of his hair. "I'd love to live with you. I mean, you're right, we're together all the time anyway so we might as well." She laughed out of nowhere. "Ya know, we might wanna go get those birth control shots, Leila," she said, pointing over at Leila. "Cause I see a lot more sex in our future."

"I think that'd be a great idea as well," I laughed. "We're proof that you can get carried away sometimes and with a lot more alone time it's inevitable."

"Brilliant," Dan grinned, then leaned in to pop a quick kiss against her lips. "I'll-" he paused then sighed. "I'm actually going to have to be bothered to exist today," he shook his head then laughed and took a sip of his water. "Definitely worth it though," he smiled up at Cat.

"I think you're right," Leila laughed, looking over at Cat as she leaned up to sit her plate down on the table. "And so is Phil," she glanced over at me. "It's still hard to believe that the whole pregnancy scare thing actually happened. Sometimes I forget all about it. I know I don't want that to happen again though," she shook her head and leaned back again.

"It is extremely weird to think about now," I laughed. "I mean, for a few days we were in like a parental mind set. We had accepted it. It's so bizarre to think of now. But that celebration party was brilliant for sure. Except little miss-"

"Nope!" Cat shook her head around, smacking the side of Dan's head with her pony tail. "She's the new Voldemort," she said while nodding. "And also she's getting slapped if I see her around any time soon. Stupid little fucking piece of shit wh-" Dan leaned over and pressed his lips against hers to shut her up. When he pulled back she rolled her eyes and grinned at him. "Thanks for the kiss intervention."

I reached over and ran my fingers through the back of Leila's hair as she watched them. "When do you want to go get your things, sweetheart?"

Leila looked up at me, smiling, "I guess I should go ahead and start on that. It won't take too long because I don't have much other than clothes," she said then looked back over at Dan and Cat. "Are you going to move today too?" she asked Dan.

Dan sighed and rubbed his palms against his face as he nodded. "Yeeeeees." He sounded like it was going to be the most horrible thing ever. "Oh, why did we have to drink so much last night? I feel like shit, and this headache?" he raised his head up, shaking it. "It hurts into my bloody teeth!"

"Well, look at it this way. If we do it today then we can be lazy all day tomorrow and we don't have to worry about anything except filming the S.A.P. video tomorrow night," I told him as I stood up and started gathering some of the empty containers.

Everyone else started getting up as well, groaning and complaining as they did. "I'm starting to wish I hadn't decided on that order of 4 more bottles of wine," Cat laughed as she walked towards the kitchen. "Or the 2 hours of sex since we were too fucking a.d.d to actually end up having orgasms until that far into it. Is that what whiskey dick is?"

The openness of our conversations was truly mindboggling sometimes.

"Uhhh," I laughed. "I'm not too sure, Cat. Perhaps you can google it."

"I think I would die if we had sex for two hours," Leila said as she walked into the kitchen.

"It beats two minutes," Dan pointed out, grinning at Cat as he moved around the living room, scanning over our things. "I don't even know where to begin with packing," he sighed, glancing over at me.

"You've done it like a hundred times," I laughed. "The only difference this time is that you're sharing a room with a girl."

"I'm totally a girl," Cat said as she proceeded to grope her own breasts in the kitchen.

"We noticed," I laughed. "We can all help out. Group effort moving, yeah? Especially with Dan because he has way too much crap."

"Well, it works out because I don't have a whole lot here. I guess I should start buying more things since I don't plan on moving back to the states," Cat said as she walked back into the living room. "I really just agreed for Dan to move in because I want that amber lamp so damn bad."

"Leila only agreed to move in with me because I bribed her with sparkly things and pizza," I joked.

Dan looked over at Cat with his mouth hanging open, pretending to be offended. "I knew you were using me!" he said dramatically. "In all seriousness though, I don't have _that _much stuff. I mean, I won't need my bed, so that can stay, and I guess I can leave movies here, since I don't know which ones are mine anyways. I really just need my piano, wardrobe, clothes, a few random things from my room, and uhh.." he started looking around the living room for things he might have left out.

"Is that all?" Leila laughed as she walked back into the lounge. She'd been rinsing off the dishes in the kitchen. "Cat, are you going to see if there's any way to get any of your stuff from Los Angeles?" she asked her. "I mean, if you're staying five-ever, you might as well. You had those awesome lamps in the living room, plus all of the pictures you had hanging up around the apartment, and loads of other things."

Cat suddenly looked overwhelmed but in a hilarious, pretending to be over dramatic Cat sort of way. "I don't even know how the balls I would get that all here," she laughed. "I mean, I know that Dan would really appreciate my RPattz poster I had in my room so it is pretty important that I get all that stuff."

"Oh God," I shook my head. "Leila, can we make a promise now to not have posters of our celebrity crushes on our walls? I love you but I'm not sure of how I'd feel about Ben Barnes hanging above my head."

Leila looked very confused and perhaps a bit uncomfortable. She was probably thinking about my freak-out over the Beneila pictures I saw on Tumblr.

Oh my God. Did I really just make up a ship name for Ben and Leila?

I need to stay off of Tumblr.

"How did you know I was a Bon-Bon?" she asked with wide eyes then laughed at herself. "You don't have to worry about my Ben Barnes poster though. That will remain on my wall in LA," she smiled.

Dan didn't make a comment about the RPattz poster. I think he might have still been a bit butt hurt over Cat's lady boner for him, and the pictures of the two together that he saw on Tumblr.

Oh wow. Lady boner? Cat has implanted herself in my brain.

"Do you think that you two are the only ones who tumblr stalk?" I asked her. "We've probably seen every post both of you have ever made on your tumblrs," I laughed, totally unashamed of that. If they could do it then we could too!

"Are you serious?" Cat looked genuinely shocked. "You guys stalked our tumblrs?" she laughed.

"More than once," Dan spoke up. "You look surprised."

"Wow," Leila looked from me to Cat with a blank expression. "I feel like you could equate that to someone reading your diary or something.. Actually, it might even be worse," she shook her head and glanced over at me again as she sat down to put her shoes on. "I'm sorry for anything you had to see on there that might have damaged you a bit," she laughed.

"I was pretty shocked by the amount of pornography on both of your pages." I had to say it.

Cat looked at me like I was stupid. "Phil. You fuck one of us and you know how perverted I am. Why would that shock you?" she laughed.

"She has a point," Dan laughed, and Liela nodded, agreeing with him. "I was pretty shocked over all of the 'FAPS' and 'OMG I just ruined my panties and this chair I'm sitting in.' I wouldn't have expected such fangirling from either of you." Dan told them. "Why, though, I'm not sure."

"Fangirling is serious business," Leila said as she stood up from the couch. "Cat and I are professionals at it. Our fangirl squeals are exquisite."

"Yes, I know. We've heard," I laughed remembering how Dan and I had once gone on a mission in order to hear genuine fangirl screams from both of them. "What does a fangirl do when she ends up with someone she's fangirling over though?"

Cat put her hands on her hips and smirked at me. "Cocky, cocky, Phil," she laughed. "You act like you two are the only ones we fangirl over," she glanced over at Dan and grinned. "Okay, well, you two are the main ones. I mean, we still fangirl over you guys. It's just internalized. I think it's even more intense for me now."

I looked over at Leila. "And you?"

"Oh it makes it even better for me," she laughed. "Because you actually know the person who makes you flip your shit. Like, I'm sure you remember when we first met and I could hardly look at you. I had to avoid eye contact just so I wouldn't started screaming and flailing around like an idiot," she told me, still laughing. "But then you get used to them and it gets easier to be around them without feeling like your heart is in your throat, and you start to fangirl in other ways."

"Like pouncing on me and what not?" I asked, grinning at her. "Feel free to fangirl with arm flailing if you ever feel the need. I think I would truly enjoy that."

"Okay, buttheads! We gotta get moving," Cat announced while shaking her bum around for some reason. "I wanna get this over with."

"Okay, okay," I groaned. Honestly, I would've been whiney about moving even if I wasn't hung over.

A few hours later Dan's room was nearly empty and mine was more full with Leila's wardrobe and the few things she'd acquired since moving to London. She was standing over by my cabinets adjusting a photo of her and Cat while I was sat on the bed waiting for her to stop being a perfectionist and sit.

"We should get some photos of us printed out to hang around the flat," I told her as I laid back on the pillows. "I'm sure Cat has quite a few to add to the collection we have."

"That's a good idea," she responded, still moving the picture frame back and forth. "We could always find some of the snapshots from the live shows too," she laughed as she backed away from the cabinet to get a look at the picture from farther away. "Perfect!" I couldn't see her face, but I imagined that she was smiling.

My imagination was right, because when she turned around, she was still smiling. She grabbed her bag and walked over to the bed before laying down beside me and looking around at our finished project. "This is so weird," she laughed and looked over at me. "A good weird though. I never thought I would live with anyone. Well, other than Cat."

I slid my arm under her so that her head was lying on it. "I was thinking the same thing except replace Cat with Dan. It's very strange but a good sort of strange. We spend so much time together already so I don't think it'll be too much of a change and any changes I can think of will be good ones."

Leila rolled onto her side cuddled up a little closer to me. "I agree," she grinned and popped a kiss against my lips then sighed happily. "It's just so insane to me still. All of this. Living here, my book, Can," she paused to laughed. "You. I didn't see my life changing so much so fast. I'm very glad it did though."

I reached up and moved my fingertips softly along the side of her face as I looked at her. "I definitely did not see you coming," I laughed. "I really had no thoughts whatsoever of being in a relationship. I'd been so focused on videos and moving here. You came out of nowhere. But I always hoped it would be like that when I found who I was meant to be with."

I saw her hands flinch up towards her face as she smiled at me but she didn't use them to cover it like she usually did, and her smile got even bigger. "Remember the fangirl moments conversation from earlier? I'm having one," she laughed then kissed me again. "I don't know," she sighed again. "I guess I didn't think it would happen.. Not that I'm saying I'd be forever alone, but you know, or maybe you don't," she paused and laughed. "But girls make up perfect moments in their heads and my imagination is complete crap compared to this."

I wondered if she realized how cute she was especially when she had to force herself to hold back fangirl moments. I leaned in and pressed my lips against hers. I couldn't remember ever kissing any girl who had lips as soft as hers. "I'm so glad that what I can give you goes beyond whatever you had in your imagination. I want you to be happy. Blissfully happy and never bored. I always wonder if people in serious relationships get bored but I don't see how we ever could. Though we are in an interesting relationship that closely involves two other people who are insane."

Leila started laughing loudly then snorted which made her laugh harder. "I can't believe I just did that," she shook her head, her face turning red. It took her a minute or so, but she eventually calmed down enough to speak. "Oh, they are insane, aren't they? I'm so glad they worked things out. It was horrible to see Cat like that. I'd never seen her so torn up over anything before," she shook her head. "I wondered the same thing though, about couples getting bored. I can't see that happening. Especially since I'm such a champ at Call of Duty now," she started cracking her knuckles like she was about to get into a brawl or something. "My skills are serious business."

She sounded so much like Dan.

"Oh God," I rolled my eyes and shook my head. "I was hoping that I would at least not have to deal with the video game competitiveness with Dan moving out but I have a feeling I was wrong," I laughed. I didn't really mind though. In fact she was incredibly cute to watch while playing Call of Duty. She screamed and bounced and shook the controller around quite a bit which I did too but somehow she made it cute. "So, what shall we do during our first night alone in _our_flat?"

"_Our _flat," she repeated, kicking her feet like an excited child. "Oh!" she gasped. "Speaking of," she sat up on the bed and I saw her grab her bag off of the floor. "I've got something for you," she said as she ransacked it.

Flips?  
Reese's?  
Crisps?  
Cadbury Fingers?

A few seconds later I saw her pull an envelope out of her bag before she looked over at me, offering it to me.

I raised an eyebrow at her as I took it from her. I was wondering what the hell could be in here that I could eat. When I opened it I saw quite a bit of money.

"Uh. What's this for?" I was even more confused now.

"It's half of the rent," she smiled. "Well, half of what mine and Cat's rent is, I forgot to ask you what it is here, since your guys' place is a little bigger. If you need more just let me know and I'll get it for you tomorrow," she explained, still smiling.  
I, however, was not smiling. "Sweetheart, I don't want your money," I told her as I passed it back over to her. "I can take care of it. I didn't ask you to move in here with the intention of having you pay for anything."

Yes, I was in man mode and I wanted to take care of her.

For whatever reason, she found that amusing and started laughing. "I want you to have it," she said, pushing my arm away. "Plus, I told you that if I moved in, I get to pay half. I wasn't kidding," she was still grinning.

"Leila, you don't have to. I make enough to cover it. I don't want you to have to worry about rent," I explained to her while still attempting to hand her the envelope. "You should take this money and do something for yourself with it. You deserve it."

"I'm not worrying about anything," she insisted, still pushing my arm towards my chest. "I make-" she paused. "I have more than enough to cover it too, and I've got everything I want already.. Well aside from a Mountain Dew fountain, but I'll get that later, like when it's actually a real thing," she laughed.

I sat the envelope onto the bed and pushed it away from myself. "I do not want you to pay anything, sweetheart. I want to take care of you."

"That's sweet, really, but I want to," she told me as she picked the envelope up off of the bed and leaned over me to open up the nightstand on my side of the bed. She dropped it inside and shut it before leaning back onto her spot. "And I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself."

"I'm not saying that I don't think you can take care of yourself," I told her as I leaned over and opened the nightstand to grab the envelope again. "Why won't you just let me do this?" I asked as I turned to sit facing her and also placed the envelope next to her on the bed again.

"I know you didn't," she said as she picked the money up, once more leaning over me, though this time she just threw it on top of the nightstand then leaned back. "Because... I don't know? I like taking care of myself?" she shrugged. "I've been doing it since I was seventeen," she told me then raised her eyebrows at me.

"That's more of a reason to let me," I defended. "You've been taking care of yourself for so long and your dreams are coming true in the city you've always wanted to live in. Who doesn't want to live somewhere where they don't have to worry about things because someone loves them enough to handle all that?"

"Me," she laughed, but it wasn't really her normal amused laugh. I think it may have been a slightly annoyed one. She stayed quiet for a couple of seconds before speaking again. "I didn't mean it like _that,_" she defended. "I love you and appreciate that you would do that for me but I want to. I'm not spending it elsewhere," she shrugged. "Why won't _you _just let me help?"

Why was this woman so bloody stubborn?

"Leila, why is it so hard for you to just let me do this?" I asked sounding a bit annoyed because I was. "Why can't you just let me love you and take care of you like this? You don't have to be that girl who makes sure she does everything for herself anymore. I'm not going anywhere. Ever."

"I never said you were, Phil. You can love me and I can love you while still taking care of myself in the process," she said sounding a little more agitated. "Because I am _that _girl. I've always been _that _girl and I will probably always be _that _girl." Bloody hell, now she almost sounded offended.

Stubborn. Headstrong. Hard headed. Ugh.

I sighed because I knew that I was obviously not going to win. "Alright. I was just trying to-" I shrugged. "I guess it was stupid," I said as I took the envelope and leaned over to put it in the nightstand again. "What do you want to eat tonight?" I asked, trying to lighten up the mood.

"No, no," she shook her head before tilting it. "You were trying to what?" she asked, waving her hand, motioning for me to continue. "I'm not trying to fight with you right now, but you just-" she shrugged and for a second I thought she was mocking me, but she wasn't. "I get that you love me and want to take care of me, but why can't I do the same thing? I'm just trying to understand."  
"I'm not saying you can't do the same thing. It's just something I am able to do for you and wanted to do for you. I want to do whatever I can for you because I love you," I explained. "I guess it's just too old school or something. That whole romantic idea of a man being able to take care of the woman he loves." I paused for a second as I thought more about why. "And- and I thought that maybe if I could help you with that then that'd be even more of a reason for you not  
to leave London when your movie is done."

Leila hung her head almost like an ashamed child and sighed before looking back up at me. "It's not old school, it's sweet and it's romantic, but I'm just-" she laughed her normal laugh as she shrugged. "Annoyingly headstrong? You know that," she shook her head and reached out to grab my hands and laced her fingers through mine. She was silent for a few minutes and she looked like she was thinking really hard about something. "Okay," she said after she took a deep breath. "Ugh, this is so hard for me," she laughed again. "But I'll let you do it, because I love you and I can tell it means something to you," she nodded, looking like it took alot out of her to finally agree with me. "And don't worry about me leaving, we still have time and- I don't want to think about it."

"But we need to think about it," I responded quickly. "It's always in the back of my mind. I just never want to bring it up and ruin a moment or something. The thought of you moving thousands of miles away from me is horrible. Dan was a bloody mess when Cat was working in LA. I don't want to feel that way. It's completely selfish of me because all of your family and the life you've known is there but I don't want you to go."

"It's not selfish of you," she told me as she brought her hand up to my face and cupped my cheek. "I don't want me to go," she shook her head. "And I actively try not to think about it because it makes me want to cry.. I'm not going to," she said before I could make a comment back to her crying. "I don't think I am at least.. My life isn't in Los Angeles anymore, though. It's right here, with you.. I don't have anything in LA," she sighed. "Well, there's school, I just.. I don't know what I'm going to do. I know what I want to do.. I want to stay, but I can't just stay and not do anything.. I know you said you would take care of me, and that's so, so sweet of you, but I can't put all of that on you. I have to be doing _something._"

I brought my hand up and cupped her cheek as I leaned in and pressed my lips against hers lingering for a few seconds before I pulled back enough to that I could see her. "I can deal with you not letting me cover your part of the rent or whatever. I just don't want to lose you. I'm not pressuring you to make your decision now. But Cat is staying and we'd all be here without you. Everything would be wrong and I'd be the most annoying guy ever." I laughed but it was true.

"That's not what I meant," she stroked my cheek with her thumb before letting her hand fall onto her lap. "I'm going to let you do that, I told you that, I just meant.. Long term, me just staying here, not really doing anything. You and Dan have your thing, Cat has photography," she shrugged and looked away for a few seconds before looking back at me. "I have two options.. I can go back to school, or I can write another book and hope that it does as good as my last one," she laughed. "I'm working on the latter, by the way, but no matter what happens, I promise you won't lose me," she reassured me. "And trust me, I don't want to leave her or Dan either. We really are like a family now."

"Well, with as great as your first book did and the movie coming out I think that you'll be all set with your next book," I told her as I brought her hand from my cheek and brushed my lips over her knuckles. "You are everything to me, Leila. I don't even want to imagine my life without you. I already know what it's like for you to be gone and it's not something I'm willing to experience again. Wherever you go I'm going to go. If you want me to, of course."

"Of course," she wrapped her arms around me and leaned in against me, hugging me before she moved her head and kissed me. "I love you," she said then kissed me again. "Five ever. Dat means I love you more den forever," she laughed at herself and pulled away. "We'll figure it out, though," she nodded. "We're the mighty. S.S Phileila. No iceberg or cannon will sink us."

How could I not laugh at that? "Yes, the mightiest ship," I laughed. "And I love you five ever as well. Serious business," I winked at her. "Now, seriously, what do you want to eat? I'm hungry again."

"We still have leftover takeout," Leila said as she leaned over me; when she was sitting back down I saw that she had the envelope of money and she put it back into her bag. "Is that okay or did you want something else? I could cook for you. I'm not as good as of a cook as Cat but I'm decent."  
"You're not decent," I shook my head as I reached over for her bag and then sat it on the floor so I could move over her. I placed my hands on either side of her so that I was hovering above her. "You're perfect and I love you and you're mine," I whispered as I got closer and closer to her then pressed my lips against hers to give her a real kiss instead of just a quick peck.

"Mmmm," she giggled against my lips, kissing me back, bringing her hands to my face and sliding one of them into my hair. "What happened to eating?" she asked, but didn't give me much of a chance to say anything before she kissed me again. Though she pulled away once more, "Have I ever told you that your lips are really soft?" and once again, she was kissing me.

"Hm, well, I got a bit sidetracked," I laughed as I rubbed my nose against hers. "It's very odd that you said that because earlier I was thinking of how your lips were the softest I have ever felt," I told her before pressing my lips against hers again then dragging my tongue along her bottom lip. "And your mouth always tastes so delicious."

Her lips parted a bit more and she slid her hands down my chest, catching my bottom lip between hers as she leaned forward, kissing me deeply, only to break away from it a few seconds after. "Hm, am I your new favorite dish?" she whispered then laughed quietly, leaning in a bit more, pushing me backwards as she gripped onto the front of my shirt before letting her lips meet mine.

I laughed and moved my hands down to her hips before sliding them around to grab her ass and pull her against me. I pushed my hips up towards her letting her feel the answer to her question before I spoke. "You are my new favorite dish, for sure," I told her as I leaned in to press my lips against hers.

I moved my hands up from her ass to the bottom of her shirt so that I grab it and start pulling it off of her. She leaned back and raised her arms so I could slip it off of her. As she reached behind herself to unhook her bra she had that same look in her eyes that she had that night in the hotel room when we were in the states. I loved it when she looked at me like that. It was as though I was the only thing in the world she desired in that moment.

As soon as her bra was removed I leaned forward and began placing feather light kisses all over her breasts, intentionally avoiding her nipples to tease her. Her fingers were tangled into my hair and soft whimpers kept leaving her lips. I looked up at her to see her lips parted and her breathing had become quicker. I grinned at her before taking her right nipple into my mouth and sucking hard, dragging my teeth over it.

"Fuck yes," she moaned, arching her back and grinding her hips into mine. I could feel her heat through the thin material of the yoga pants she was wearing.

I moved leaned back and wrapped my arms around her before turning our bodies and lying her down on the bed. We were close to the end of it which was in my favor. I slipped off of it and stood there staring at her half naked lying on the bed. Our bed. She was smiling at me and biting her lip.

Bloody hell. She drove me mad in the best of ways.

I made quick work of removing her pants and panties before taking my own clothes off. I could feel her eyes on me the whole time. We didn't speak a word but the tension in the room because of the intense desire we both felt was thick.

After putting on a condom I crawled back onto the bed and she opened her legs for me as I crawled over to her and between them. I moved my hand slowly from her hip, up her side, over her breast and let it linger over her heart which was pounding. One of her hands moved into my hair and she smiled up at me. "I love you so much," she whispered softly and I think my heart literally skipped a beat.

I adjusted my hips and felt myself already at her entrance which made her gasp a bit and her body lift up towards mine. I took her hands in mine and laced our fingers together before placing them above her head.

I slipped slowly inside of her warm, tight, heat. It was like we were made for each other. A perfect fit and it felt perfect every time.  
This time was different though. This time I knew we weren't just having sex. This was making love, as cheesy as it sounded. This was one of the best perks of finding the woman who I could so easily love and who made me a better man.

Our eyes stayed locked on each other as I began moving slowly inside of her. I didn't speed up at all and she didn't seem to want me to. It was as though we were both memorizing how each other felt in that moment.

Her hands squeezed at mine and soft moans left her perfect lips when I hit that spot that drove her crazy. I moved my hips in a slow circle each time I found that spot, letting the head of my cock massage it more.

We moved together like that for what felt like a long time. She met my slow thrusts each time and I placed soft kisses against her lips, cheeks, neck and any other delicious part of her I could reach as I moved inside of her.

Our bodies both were shaking after a while and I was feeling the natural need to speed up. Obviously she was too. "Phil," she moaned, her head leaning back as she pushed her hips up harder towards mine.

I pressed my forehead against hers as I began moving my hips faster, pushing myself deeper into her. Her moans became louder and I was moaning as well. Those sounds along with the movement of the bed began to fill the room as we both pushed harder together chasing our climax.

Her hands squeezed mine harder and I could feel the walls of her pussy clenching against my length more. I knew that she was close. I sped up more, my thrusts becoming a bit frantic as I felt the familiar tightening in my stomach and my body shook harder.

"Cum with me, baby," I whispered as I leaned up again so I could see her. Her mouth was open and her eyes were fixated on me.

A moan that was much louder than any of the others came from her lips and she shoved her hips hard against mine just as I felt her beginning to cum. Every part of her tensed up and I pressed my hips hard against hers to keep myself as deep inside of her as possible while she came.

"Phil," she moaned my name in the sexiest way I have ever heard and I was pushed over the edge. I let out a loud groan as I began to cum with her. It was one of those mind blowing orgasms that made you feel like your legs had just gone to jelly and there was no way you'd be able to walk after.

I leaned down and kissed her lips and she pulled her hands out of mine so that she could move her hands to my back, pulling me down so that I was lying fully on top of her. We continued kissing, both of our moans lost in the kiss as we came down from the high together.

After about 10 minutes of us just lying there kissing and caressing each other, I raised up and hovered over her to see her smiling happily up at me like a kid on Christmas morning which made me smile like that as well. "Now I'm _really_hungry."


	31. Wedding Gowns and Dildos

Leila's POV.

"Dan! What are you doing?" I yelled as I got up off of my- I mean, Cat's couch when I heard what I knew was Dan playing his piano from my old bedroom. When I got to the door he was sitting on the piano stool, music still filling the room. "Come on! I've been waiting for you for like an hour," I said as I walked towards him.

He looked up at me as he continued moving his fingers across the keys and I let out a loud sigh when I noticed he was still wearing sweatpants and that damn llama toboggan he'd been wearing at breakfast.

You see, we were supposed to be going Christmas shopping together. Cat and Phil left a little over an hour ago, while I was left to wait for Dan to be bothered to exist.

We had decided to split up this way so we could help one another pick out gifts, which wouldn't have been a bad thing had Dan not been so bloody lazy.

He literally sat in the living room on his laptop "editing a video" until I threatened to pour water on it, then proceeded "to go to his room to get changed", which he obviously hadn't done and now he was exercising his piano skills.

He was smiling, moving his head to the melody of the song he was playing and I sat down beside him and started pressing my fingers against the keys in the same manner; the only thing is, I can't play piano, so it sounded horrible.

I also started singing. Which also sounded horrible.

"Dan is so lazy, he is such a lazy twat. If he could, he'd sit in the same place and rot. Dan smells bad. I bet that makes Cat really sad and the fact that I've been waiting on him for so long makes me maaaaaad," I sang.

It didn't really make me mad. Just so you know.

Dan finally moved his hands away from the keys and turned to face me. "Leila, I hate Christmas shopping," he whined while leaning his head really far back to be all dramatic. "There's people everywhere and- well, that's basically the downfall. I don't know what to buy anyone. Why can't we do this online?"

"That's why you've got me," I told him in a sing-song voice as I pressed my index finger against a few keys. "Because," I shrugged as I let my hand fall back onto my lap. I didn't really have an excuse for that. "It'll be fun so go out there," I tilted my head towards the window. "How often do any of us leave our apartments anyways? Come on. We'll only be gone for a few hours," I lied as I stood up and grabbed his arm. This was going to be an all day event and I knew it.

"Oh fuck my life," he sighed as he got up from the bench. He walked over to his wardrobe and I'm pretty sure he didn't even look at what he grabbed to see if it matched. Then he proceeded to just drop his pants in front of me to get dressed.

"Dan!" I gasped, laughing as I spun around so I couldn't see him. "You and Cat have absolutely no shame," I shook my head. "I'll be in the living room," I said as I headed back towards the door and walked down the hallway to grab my purse and my jacket. I checked my phone to see that Cat had sent me a text asking if Dan and I were having fun.

**We haven't left yet. You're dating a sloth. **

I replied then put my phone in my pocket. "Daaaaaaaan," I called out, tilting my head so I could see down the hall.

"What?" he yelled from the bathroom but before I could reply I heard some weird ass song playing which was apparently his ring tone for Cat because then I heard, "I'm trying, babe!...NO!..I hate Christmas shopping, Cat!...I love you too...I am!...No, I do not want a bloody fleshlight...Alright. I love you too...Bye. Thanks for telling on me, Leila!" he yelled. "I don't like you anymore."

"What the fuck was that ringtone?" I asked, ignoring his little fit.

"It's Can I Have This Dance from High School Musical 3," he told me sounding quite proud for some reason as he walked down the hall fully dressed and ready to go, thankfully.

I should have known. "I thought it sounded familiar," I laughed. "Cat used to drive me crazy with those movies." I moved ahead of him and opened the door gesturing for him to walk out as I locked the door from the inside. "Do you have everything you need?" I asked before I shut it.

"Yes," he sighed as he walked through the door dragging his feet and flailing his arms like he was being dragged out of it. He did that all the way to the elevator and then became normal Dan again. Or whatever kind of Dan it is that's not doing things that would make him look like he needed to be committed. "Seriously though, what do you think I should get Cat? It has to be epic and special."

Hmm. I thought about that as I hit the arrow on the elevator. "You could wrap up dog poo and she'd think it's epic and special because it come from you," I laughed, because it was true. "This is why we're going shopping, because I can't think of things off of the top of my head for people," I told him as we stepped inside of the compartment. "She likes old stuff, photography stuff, artsy things..." I trailed off as I thought a bit more. "Don't worry, I know her and I'll make sure you get her something _epic and special,_" I said using his accent.

"If I could control the fucking weather and make it snow then I'd be set," he laughed. Cat had been going on and on about how she was hoping for a white Christmas since October. "I thought about maybe getting a photo of me and her printed out and put it in an antique frame or something like that? She always going on about old stuff," he shrugged.

"There's a start!" I patted his shoulder. "Which is more than I can say about what I'm going to get her," I told him as we walked out of the building. Fucking, fuck! It was cold out today. At least it wasn't raining. "She would like that a lot though. She's like me in the sense that she isn't very materialistic, which makes it hard to shop for her but that's a thoughtful kind of gift."

Dan let out this crazy sounding squeal and then bounced around for a second before shoving his hands into the pocket of his hoody. "Fucking tit! Shit tits! It's cold," he shook his head and made the 'brrr' noise. "You would think that I could get use to this sort of weather but I don't. I think my balls just shrunk to the size of raisins."

"That's a lovely thought. Oh God. I got a mental image," I shook my head and laughed as I flailed my arms. "Thanks for that. I've always wanted to think about your balls shriveling up." I glanced from him to road in front of us and saw a Starbucks. I really wanted to stop and get coffee but -

Oh fuck it.

"We're taking a detour," I announced as I grabbed his upper arm and pulled him towards the door.

"Oh fuck yes," he said dramatically as we walked in. Of course people looked at us. "Have I told you lately that I love you?" he asked as we walked towards the front. "Shall I sing the sing?" he grinned. "I will. I know the words. Sort of."

"You really don't have to," I laughed as we got in line to order our drinks. Of course the line was long; it wasn't as bad as the lines in LA but there were tons of people there given that it was 1 in the afternoon on a Tuesday. "What are you having?" I asked, glancing from him to the menu.

"Salted caramel mocha," he informed me before licking his lips and closing his eyes like he was having a damn orgasm. I swear, he truly was the male version of my best friend. "Have you decided what you're getting Phil?"

I blew out a long breath before shaking my head. "Nope," I responded as I looked up at him again. "Well, I ordered him some Flips, which are going to your apartment, by the way, so he doesn't see them. Please don't eat his Christmas present," I let out a little laugh before continuing. "But I want to get him something else too, I just have no idea of what." Seriously, I had no idea of where to start. I mean, he likes movies and games and all of that jazz, but I'm a bit more creative than that.

Or so I'd like to think.

"A ticket for free blow jobs," he grinned and nodded. "That'd be an awesome present."

"Sir?" The cashier spoke up and judging by the look on her face I could tell that she heard what he said.  
"Oh shit," he said before turning his attention towards her. Obviously she didn't care much about what he had said because she was batting her eyelashes and practically throwing her tits at his face while she took his order.

After we both got our drinks and Dan finally finished pouring 900 pounds of sugar in his to "perfect it" as he said, we walked out and began walking down the sidewalk. Or pavement. Whatever you want to call it.

"How is living with Phil going so far?" Dan asked before taking a sip of his drink.

I did the same before answering. "Great," I grinned, thinking about it. "Well, it's not very different from living with Cat, honestly. But all of the uninterrupted sex is wonderful, and having someone to cuddle with all the time is even better than that. I love cuddling," I sighed. "Especially with him because he rubs his face all over mine and gives me Eskimo kisses, and squeezes me," I started laughing at myself. I don't think Dan really cared about all of my internal fangirling in the same way Cat did. "How do you like living with Cat?"

He laughed. "Wow. Eskimo kisses, eh?" he grinned and shook his head. "I love living with Cat. It's the most fun I've had like ever," he laughed. "I always thought living with a girl would be horrible but not with her. Of course she's not really a normal girl. I think the best part is being around each other all the time which probably is unhealthy but I love it. I also love how she has a habit of walking around in her underwear. Definitely a plus," he nodded.

"Yeah, I miss that the most, I think.. Her walking around in her underwear," I laughed. "You can't not have a good time around her. One of the many reasons why I love her so much," I told him before taking another sip of my coffee. "I don't think much has changed for Phil either, honestly. He made a jab at me and called me 'Dan in a wig' the other day because I was teasing him while he was playing some video game. I wasn't sure if I should be offended or not."

His eyes got really wide and he looked disturbed. "He's been lurking on Tumblr way too much," he laughed. He gasped loudly and grabbed my arm to make me stop. "Look! A thrift shop. Maybe they have an old picture frame!" he said excitedly as he pulled me towards the door.

I walked in behind him and looked around the shop. It was really small but it was packed full of different things. From clothes to furniture to kitchenware. Dan was eyeing the shelves with intent, like the perfect gift for Cat was just going to pop out of nowhere, while I was just watching with an amused expression. "Oh, hey Dan," I laughed, picking up an old bra that was probably white once upon a time, but was now a yellowish color. "This is perfect, don't you think?" I asked as I held it up to myself.

"Oh my God!" he laughed while backing away from me. "Leila, put that down! You're going to get some sort of skin disease. You have no idea of what sort of creature wore that before it made it here. I can only imagine the life it's lived." He looked away from me and at the shelf next to him. His eyes got wide with excitement so I thought he found something awesome. He picked up whatever it was and held it up to show me.

It was a cat. It was a cat dressed up as a clown.

"I should get her this," he laughed as he made it dance around.

Because of that comment, I had to do something horrific to him. So I smashed the bra against his face. "I hope this used to belong to Susan Boyle," I laughed before sitting it back down then grabbed the cat-clown from him. "Okay, first,this thing is hideous, and second, Cat is terrified of clowns,," I told him as I pushed the figurine towards the back of the shelf. "You'd be better off getting her that diseased bra."

"Oh. My. God." He just stood there with his hands held up to his face, the cat clown still in one hand, making this face like he was the most disgusted person on earth. "I am going to have bleach my bloody face to get rid of whatever plagues just jumped from that fabric onto my skin. I hate you."

"You drink out of public cups," I laughed. "That couldn't have had more plagues than they do. You'll be okay, Dan." I moved past him and gasped dramatically, because I saw a lion figurine that had chipped spots all over it from where it had aged "Oh look! It's a lion," I picked it up. "It looks like it has mange, though, don't you think?" I looked over at Dan, holding it out for him to look at it. "Do you think Phil would love a lion even if they have the mange?"  
Despite the fact that he'd just been furious with me he started cracking up. "Holy hell. What happened to the poor thing?" he asked as he looked it over. "Phil probably would want it. He'd probably talk about how mangey lions needed love too or something like that."

He walked away from me over towards some clothes and seconds later he gasped dramatically. I looked up from the shelf of reject figurines to see Dan holding a wedding dress in front of himself. It looked it like was straight from 1985. "Oh Leila," he said in a very feminine voice. "I just love this dress. The poofy shoulders! I can't. I think you need it. Your shoulders would look majestic in these mountains of poofiness."

I was doubled over laughing very, very loudly at him. "Oh my glob," I shook my head then put my forearm against my mouth - since my hands were full from my coffee and the lion I was still holding - to muffle my laughter. "Please, Dan," I snorted, "Please go try that on. It would look SO good on you."

He arched an eyebrow. "Do you dare me to?"

"I triple lion zebra dare you," I countered.

"Oh shit. That's serious business," he said as he turned to walk towards the dressing rooms. I couldn't believe he was actually doing this.

People were staring at him as he walked into the room holding the horrible dress and he just waltzed in there like he didn't give a shit. I put the lion down and quickly made my way over to where he was while pulling my phone out of my pocket so I could have it ready to take a photo when he came out.

There were a lot of bloody hell, shit, and what the fucks coming out of the room as he struggled to put the dress on. A few minutes later the door swung open and the beautiful bride finally emerged.

He stepped out and put his hands on his hips to do a model pose. "Is this the dress, Leila? It has to be perfect. Tell me the truth."

I scrunched my face up like I was about to cry. "Oh, Danielle, you're so beautiful!" I said, sounding like I was choking back tears. "Here, let me take a photo of it for your girlfriend, so we can see what she thinks." I held my phone up and snapped a picture then turned it around so he could see the screen. "I can't believe it, you just, it's so perfect," I started fanning my face before I sent the picture to Cat and Phil.

"Thank you!" he giggled like a girl while spinning. "Hopefully we can find Cat a powder blue tux before the wedding," he said as he walked back into the dressing room. "Remind me to buy some Lysol to bathe in before I get back home," he told me in his normal voice as he shut the door.

A few seconds later my phone started ringing. It was Cat. I knew that was coming after that photo message. I answered it and all I could hear was her and Phil laughing hysterically.

I put it on speaker so Dan could hear. "They got the photo," I informed him and he started laughing as well.

"Oh my God," Cat managed to speak. "What the hell are you two doing?"

"Picking out Danielle's wedding dress," I told her, still laughing but not as hard as before. "Isn't he - I mean, she beautiful, Cat?" I asked. People were staring at us but I didn't care. I was just as shameless as Can sometimes.

"Oh yes," Cat laughed. "So beautiful. I can't wait to marry him-her."

"I love you, Leila!" I heard Phil yell and then Cat squeal. "Good Lord!" Cat laughed. "He like pounce attacked out of nowhere to tell you that."

"I love you Phil!" I said loudly, then realized he probably didn't hear me even though I yelled. "Are you two having fun?" I asked then took another sip of my coffee. It was starting to get cold, which sucked. Cold coffee was disgusting unless it was served that way.

"Yes, we are. Phil is a very fun shopping partner. He's vlogging our trip so you'll get to see it. I would ask if you and Dan are having fun but it's obvious that you are," she laughed. "And now Phil is waving me over to something weird looking so I better go. I'll tell him you said you loved him and I love you too, of course."

"Thank youuuu. I love you too, booboo. I'll text you if we do anything else horrific," I laughed as I hung up the phone then put it back into my pocket before grabbing the mangey lion off of the shelf again. Yes I was seriously considering getting him that. Don't judge me.

What? It was only like 60 pents.

Dan was placing his dream dress back on the rack when I turned around. "Okay, serious business time," he said as he turned in a circle looking around the room. He stopped and then walked around a few shelves and over to a corner where a bunch of random paintings were stored.

"What the fuck is this?" he asked as he held up a painting that literally looked like someone just threw a bunch of paint on and smooshed around with their hands. "I could do that with my balls," he shook his head as he looked through them. "Couldn't I like rip the picture out of one of these and put the photo in it? Are these too big? I don't really want to just give her an 8x10. I want a big one to hang in our living room. I could make a collage," he rambled on.

I nearly spat coffee all over the paintings he was looking at. My fuck, Dan was on a roll today with making me crack the fuck up. "Woah, calm down," I laughed. "I'm pretty sure you can get pictures blown up to any size. I mean, people have their pictures put onto blankets and stuff... Oh, I bet she'd love this one," I pointed out a silver frame that looked like it was about 150 years old; it was silver and arched at the top and it had what looked like vines engraved into it. "The painting is complete shit, but she'll love that frame."

"Holy shit, Leila. That's perfect. She'd cream herself over that," he said as he picked it up. "Oh I am excited now!" he said as he shook his hips around. For a brief second I thought about how he could move his hips really well and that must be why Cat is always going on about how good he was in bed.  
Oh GOD. I can't believe I just thought that.

"I can't believe we found a gift in the first store," he said as he held the painting up proudly. "Where the fuck are we going to hide the gifts?" he asked, laughing.

That was a good question. "Shit..." I said as we walked towards the front of the store to pay for the painting and the mangey lion. "Well, you can hide hers in your old room and I can hide Phil's in my old one," I suggested. "Or I could just keep it in my purse," I laughed, looking down at it.

I really needed to find something better than a bloody lion figurine.

Bloody. Yes, Bloody. I know I'm American. I do not care.

"Oh! We can hide them all in your room back at mine and Cat's flat. We found a key to all the doors. I'll just hide it from Cat," he grinned.

After we paid for our items we made our way back out into the fucking freezing outsideness.

"Ahh, f-f-fuck," my teeth chattered. "Did it drop ten degrees since we were last out here?" I asked as I looked over at him and wrapped my arms around myself. "I should have put on some gloves and a skeemask," I told him as we walked down the road a bit further.

"Here," he put an arm around my shoulders and pulled me against him. "It's not weird cause we're biffs," he informed me as we began walking down the sidewalk. "You know, Phil was talking about how he really wanted this Muse poster the other night. Perhaps they have it at the record store a few blocks down?"

"It's not weird because it's freezing!" I laughed, wrapping my arm around his waist to try and create more body heat. I'm pretty sure we looked like we were in a relationship. I didn't care. "That's a good idea," I looked up at him, smiling. "Record shops have lots of cool things," I nodded. "Oh God. I can see several band t-shirts in my immediate future," I shook my head.

I have serious problems when it comes them.

"Me too," he laughed. "I have an addiction to weird t-shirts as well. I should have searched that shop a bit better but this is not a shopping trip for me. Although I'm sure Cat would flip out if I could find a cool t-shirt for her in here. Is it bad that I want to spoil her?" he laughed. "Like, I want to be Santa Claus and have her wake up to a mountain of gifts. If we ever have kids we're going to go broke at Christmas."

"It's not bad at all," I responded, then laughed at the latter part of his sentence. "You're already talking about kids though?" I raised an eyebrow at him. "That's cute. It reminds me of when Phil and I trolled you two and you both started crying," I laughed a little harder because that memory was still hilarious to me. "I call dibs on being their Godmother."

"Oh God. Not that again," he rolled his eyes. "That was horrible and we had every right to freak out!" he laughed. "But I was serious. She's it for me. I'm young, I know. But I can't possibly imagine finding someone who makes me feel better than she does. I know Phil feels the same about you as well." We got to the record shop and he pulled his arm away from me to open the door for me.

I probably looked like that creepy girl from Youtube who ended up all over the internet because of her creepy smile when Dan said that about Phil. I couldn't help it though; and you wouldn't be able to either. Any girl who hears that about the guy that they're in love with would have the same reaction. "I'm only a little older than you are," I reminded him. "I'm not judging. I think it's cute," I admitted. "It's weird though, for me, because.. I don't know, you just see your life going a certain way. Like I didn't think I'd ever really fall so in love with someone. Well, I mean, I did, but you know, I thought I'd be older. And I thought that person would probably be a cat or something. Or hell, maybe even Cat with the way our love lives were going," I told him as we both headed towards the back wall of t-shirts.

He laughed. "I certainly didn't think my life would go this way either. I figured Phil and I would be living together still making videos and playing video games well into our 30's being forever alone guys." He paused and turned to look at me when we were by the shirts. "Is it ever weird to you because like, you were or are a fan of ours and now you're like very much so in our lives? God, that sounds so conceited," he facepalmed himself.

"Uh.." Hmmmm. "Well, kind of, but not really too weird.. I think it was more weird in the beginning, honestly. Like, I was terrified to say the wrong thing around either of you, because I knew stuff about you two that people don't usually know about people that they.. don't know," I laughed. "Is it weird for you two? Dating fans?" I scrunched my nose. I'm not sure how I would feel about it. But then again, Phil knew who I was before he knew who I was.

Wow, that didn't make a lot of sense.

"Not at all," he shook his head as he began looking through some shirts. "I mean, it was pretty obvious after I'd been around you guy s for a bit that you weren't the scary, crazy fans who don't realize we're actually people if that makes sense," he laughed. "In a way it's easier because you guys already had a good idea of who we were so I think that's part of why things were able to progress so quickly." He looked over at me and grinned. "And I don't know of a guy who doesn't like the idea of the woman he's fallen in love with being obsessed with him before they even met."

"We weren't obsessed," I laughed. "I mean, well, you know, it could have been a lot worse... and we have other interests," I shrugged then gasped because I saw a Led Zeppelin shirt that I was definitely going to buy for myself. I picked one out in my size then looked directly beside it to see a white Muse t-shirt. "I really wish that most of their music didn't give me headaches that I can feel in my teeth," I laughed as I looked through the sizes, then remembered I had no idea what size Phil even wore. "What size do you wear, Dan?" I asked. He and Phil pretty much had the same body type.

"I'm going to ignore that comment about Muse and I wear a medium," he said as he continued looking. "Ooo!" He held up a Metallica shirt. "I think Cat would love this, yeah?" He held it up against himself. "I wonder if I could wear it too. I always want to steal her clothes but they're too short."

I laughed as I pulled a medium out of the pile and glanced up at him. "That's funny," I commented. "But yeah, she'll love that. Oh! Radiohead!" I gasped again reaching out towards the shirts but I retracted my hand. "Okay, I need to just stop because I'll buy every shirt I see." I told you guys, I have a serious problem. "I should get Cat the High School Musical soundtrack," I said, because I saw a display that had something to do with High School Musical.

"She already has it," he informed me as he continued going through the shirts. "I've stalked her iTunes before."

"Wow," I looked at him with a shocked expression. "Congrats, Dan. You knew something about her that I didn't know," I laughed. "She probably kept that hidden from me so I couldn't tease her about it."

"Hey, you never know. I might know more about her than you," he winked at me and then stuck his tongue out at me.

Cat's POV

If you were ever wondering how to make someone who is naturally awkward seem even more awkward, take them into a sex shop.

"Oh my God. This is the most bizarre place I have ever seen," Phil said as he looked around the room we were standing in which was literally filled with dildos. Just dildos hanging from floor to ceiling on every wall.

"It's amazing," I laughed as I looked around the room. "I've never seen so many penises in my life." I walked over to one of the walls and picked one up that looked to be the size of my fist in width. "Talk about having a wide set vagina," I said as I let it flap all around.

"Me either," Phil laughed in response to how I'd never seen so many penises before. "I don't care to ever see this many again," he added as he shifted his eyes around the wall. "I never knew they came in so many colors. Does the color matter?"

I shrugged as I looked at the one I was holding which was brown. "I don't know. I mean, I can't imagine shoving something lime green into my vag but to each her own." I placed the giant fake penis back on the wall and looped my arm around Phil's so we could walk out. "I'm sorry I damaged you but I had to come check it out," I laughed. "It was a beautiful moment in our friendship."

He started laughing. "It was very beautiful. A rainbow of cocks," he laughed at himself then shook his head. "Oh, God. You're really doing something to my thought processes." He told me then stopped abruptly just before we were out of the sex shop. "Nipple clamps!" he shrieked and grabbed his chest. "No, ow! No! No! No! No! We have got to get out of here!"

I busted out with my cackle laugh as I quickly pulled him out the door before the few creepers lurking around in there thought that we'd gone mad. "Aww, Phil! Don't hate on the nip nip clamps. I bet they're lovely!" I was joking. Nipple clamps sound absolutely horrifying. Dan wouldn't even be able to talk me into using those things.

"So, do you have any idea of how many things Dan is getting me because I don't want to have like 2 things for him on Christmas morning and him have like 90 for me or something."

He crossed his arms around himself, which made me fall in towards him a bit. "I'm not sure, but I can find out," he smiled at me then moved one of his arms to pull his phone out of his coat pocket. "Oh wow," he laughed. "He already text me, he got you... three so far," he told me as he stared down at his phone. I'm guessing Dan had texted him what he had gotten me. "Do you know what you're going to get for him?" he asked as he put his phone back into his pocket.

"No fucking clue," I laughed. "Apart from this," I held up the bag in my hand which had a shirt I'd bought for him earlier. "He's so fucking mysterious. It's hard to figure out what he would and would not like." I sighed. "What are you getting for Lele?"

"I can help you sort that out," Phil told me as he reached into his pocket again and pulled out a pack of Starbursts, offering one to me before he started unwrapping one for himself. "Ugh," he groaned. "I have no bloody idea. She's hard to get anything for because anytime I asked her what she wanted she said 'I've got everything I want," he said in what I'm guessing was supposed to be Leila's voice and rolled his eyes. "I did order her some Mountain Dew, but I can't just give her Mountain Dew for Christmas."

"Actually, you could. You'll already get a fangirl scream for that one," I laughed but I was completely serious. That girl's love for Mountain Dew was something that couldn't be explained with words. "Oh! The other day she said something about needing a new digital camera and she saw an iPhone cover she said she liked but she acts like she doesn't have money or something and didn't buy it. Or were you wanting to do something more creative?"

"You're probably right," he laughed. "When we had our first date she freaked out over the fact that I'd gotten her some. It was so cute," he shook his head then sighed. "I don't know.. I mean she didn't really give me a hint to what she wants. I only got her the Mountain Dew because I know how much she loves it. Do you think she'd like a digital camera? I want her to love whatever I get her, and I want it to be special, because she's special."

"She'd be super happy about it. If you want to do something special I'd say use some of the skills you have to make her something." I paused then laughed. "And I don't mean your pussy eating skills I've heard so much about. I was referring to video making skills."

"Oh God," Phil laughed and his face got a little red and he brought one of his hands up to the side of it, rubbing it. "That's a really good idea though," he nodded at me. "I have lots of little clips of she and I together.. Wow, why didn't I think of doing that?" he laughed again. "So there's an idea. Maybe I'll find something to buy her too," he said as he reached into his pocket again and pulled out another Starburst. "Dan likes random things.. I can't think of anything off of the top of my head, but if I see something it'll just stick out and I'll tell you," he told me as he started chewing the sweet up.

"Well, I know he needs some new clothes," I laughed. "Like, clothes that are more cool than mine because he's been stealing any of my shirts that happen to be long enough for his tall ass. I mean, he's really good at finding cute shirts. Why must he steal mine?" I stopped and gasped because I had an idea. "Oh! I remember seeing this store in the mall the other day. They had tons of shirts with these fucking hilarious sayings on them. I didn't get to stop because I was on my way to meet Lele for lunch. We could probably find stuff there!"

"Oh! I love this place," Phil gasped then quickly started towards the store, dragging me along with him. "Dan does too. And he probably steals your shirts because you two have pretty much the same taste in everything," he laughed as he pulled the door open for me. Once we were inside a guy by the register greeted us. He had a really thick accent and almost sounded Caribbean. "I love the way this place smells," Phil commented. It smelled like incense sticks.

"I love the way your bum smells," I commented as I walked past him to head towards a rack of black shirts since my boyfriend seems to enjoy having hardly any color in his world.

If you don't count his colorful girlfriend.  
I'm so fucking clever sometimes.

"Aaah!" I let out a little squeal as I pulled a shirt off of the rack. I turned around in a circle until I found Phil. "Look!" I held it up. It was a shirt that said REALLY BIG PIANIST on it and had a picture of a giant dude with a giant piano and a little lady standing next to it. It amused me because it sounded like it was saying he had a really big penis.

Wooo for perverts!

Phil jumped and let out a gasp when I squealed. I think I scared him. He narrowed his eyes on the shirt and started laughing. "You have to get that. That's definitely something Dan would wear," Phil told me. "At first I thought it said 'really big penis' at first, which is also something he would probably wear," he started shaking his head as he looked through a rack of shirts. "Oh wow," I heard him start laughing again. "Look." When I looked up at him I saw that he was holding a shirt that says 'That's what she said.' "That's like perfect for you."

"Oh my God," I laughed as I walked over to him to get a better look at it. "I think I might have to buy that one." I took the shirt from him and folded it over my arm like the one I was holding for Dan before walking over to a rack a few feet away. I spotted one that nearly made me scream again. I turned to see that Phil had his back to me so I grabbed it super fast and stuffed it under the other 2 I already had. The thing said Philosoraptor. I HAD to get it. Hopefully I wouldn't steal it from him.

"Can we just buy all of these shirts?" I asked him as I continued looking through them. They were all so damn funny. It was hard to decide which ones to get.

"I wish! They have so many that I want!" He said excitedly as he held another shirt out for me to look at. "Like this one. Why do I like it so much? I don't even know. I want it though.. because of.. reasons," he laughed. It was a shirt that had a sketched chicken with a chat bubble that said 'moo.' "I could get it for myself..." he said sounding like he was debating on it.

Out of nowhere he started laughing very loudly and I noticed he was holding another shirt that had the Mona Lisa on it; at first I didn't realize what was so funny about it, but after I stared at it I realized that her nose had a blue ribbon on it, making it look like Leonardo from the Ninja Turtles. "This is brilliant too!"

"Holy shit," I laughed. "That is perfection! You should buy yourself some too. They're not that expensive and it's not like they won't get worn. All we ever wear seem to be t-shirts and jeans or lazy people pants."

"That's true.." He held both of the shirts up and looked between them. "I'll get this one," he decided on the Mona Lisa Ninja Turtle shirt and put the other one back down on the rack before nosing through more. "8 bit armor!" Phil flailed his arms then held up yet another shirt. This one was red and had a pixelated star on it, the ones from Mario. "Mario!" he said in his Mario voice. I'm sure if Leila would have heard that she would have squealed. "I need to get out of here. I'm going to buy everything and not have any money left to buy anyone else anything," he laughed.

I made sure to keep a mental note of which ones he liked so I could show them to Leila and Dan if they needed gift ideas. "I'm all set," I told him, holding up the ones I got but keeping his covered. "Except I got one for you that you can't see so you cannot look when I check out, sir," I pointed at him and grinned.

He was a good Phil and didn't look when we went to the cashier and we made it out of the store without spending all of our money though I could've spent a lot more and I'm sure he could have too. "What shall we do now, Philertons?" I asked as we walked out of the store together. The mall was even more packed when we got out. Obviously a lot of people had to do some last minute shopping in London.

"Hmmm," he tapped his finger against his chin and glanced around. I was glad he was with me. All I could see from my view were elbows and shoulders, plus, I wasn't very familiar with any of these stores. "Oh! There," he pointed out in front of us. Not that that did any good for me, because it was so crowded. Though, once we got closer I could see that he was leading us to an electronics store.

A very tiny electronics store.  
A very tiny and crowded electronics store.  
I should have taken a Xanax.

When we were finally able to walk in Phil gasped and grabbed my arm, pulling me right back out. He, with his misfortune knocked into a lady and knocked her bags right out of her hands. "I'm sorry," he said as he bent down to help her pick them up, however she didn't seem to want his help. "Watch, ya fuckin step, yeah?" she snapped at him, yanking her things away from him before brushing by us.

"Gotta love Londoners at Christmas," he laughed as he shook his head.

"What a cunt. Someone must have lit the fuse on her tampon," I rolled my eyes as I said that way louder than I should have. I just couldn't stop myself though. It was either that or punch the bitch in the face in front of a bunch of people in the mall and get arrested. Again.

"I think we'll have to do online shopping for electronics, sweetie," I laughed as I linked my arm with his again. "Are you and my Lele having fun living together? Have you managed to have sex on every surface in the apartment yet?"

"That's who I saw in there, by the way," he laughed. "I forgot to tell you because I was too busy being worried that that lady was going to rip my face off," he shook his head as we continued away from the store. "Loads of fun and almost. We got the kitchen counter this morning.. Why am I telling you this?" Phil laughed again as he moved his hair away from his eyes. "It's great though. I'm glad she agreed to move in. We've like gone into ultimate cuddle mode," he grinned all cute-Phil like as he wrapped his arms around himself, hugging himself before sighing. "How's living with Dan? Has he annoyed you with his shower singing yet?"

"Uhhhh," I laughed and shook my head. "He hasn't really gotten a chance to because I'm always in the shower with him and we don't exactly sing in there." I saw an old lady whip her head towards me as I walked by her. She must have heard what I said which thoroughly amused me. She probably needed a little x-rated story telling in her life! "The kitchen counter, hm?" I grinned and bumped his hip with my own. "We've done that too. Let's see. The kitchen counter, the dining room table, living room floor, shower, bathroom counter, hallway floor," I paused and tilted my head. "That's all I can think of at the moment. Maybe we should've tried to have some kind of contest to see which couple could bang on the most surfaces of our apartments."

"You would come up with that kind of a contest," Phil shook his head. "And of course Dan would encourage it... Leila probably would too if she were drunk enough." I think he might have still been a bit embarrassed over Leila's last drunken outburst about how he talks dirty to her when they're 'in the throws.' "I still can't believe it's almost Christmas," he quickly changed the subject. "I love Christmas.. you already knew that though," he laughed. "I'm also quite excited that I'll have someone to snog on new year's. That's literally never happened before."

"Awww! I usually snog Lele on New Year's. I'm so green jello right now." I made a mean face at him pretending to be jealous and then laughed. "You're so cute, Phil. I swear. You could not be more perfect for her," I sighed happily. "I've never had a boyfriend on Christmas or New Year's so this is a whole new thing for me but me and Lele have always made a big deal out of both holidays. It's serious business," I nodded. "On Christmas we were always separated cause we went to our family's houses but our apartment was decked the fuck out with Christmas stuff every year. We would always wait to give each other our Christmas presents when we got back to the apartment on New Year's eve so it was like Christmas again. Then we'd get totally shitfaced and pretty much have a total lesbian moment at midnight before passing out."

Phil's eyes got really, really big and he literally just stopped in his tracks and stared at me, like he was getting a very nice mental image of it. After a few seconds he shook his head and cleared his throat. "Sorry.. there's just something about the thought of her and another girl that just-" he stopped himself from saying anything else. "Same for Dan and I though. Minus the lesbian moment. Or any moment, really. I think I might have kissed Lion last year though, if that counts," laughed lightly. "I can't imagine the two of you not being together. You and Leila I mean. Well, you and Dan too, but you without Leila and Leila without you is just weird. You two are like a package deal or something. She told me that when you were in LA that the only thing that was worse than not having me around was that she didn't have you either," he made a sad face. "It makes me want to go hug her just thinking about it."

"Awww Phil!" I grabbed his arm and hugged it while laying my head on his shoulder. "No thinking about that," I said as I looked up at him again. "Everything is all daisies and sunshine now. Or, chinese food and moonlight in our case because we're not daytime kinds of people," I laughed. "Leila is like my sister. I can't imagine life without her. I'll flat out admit that I'm dependent on her. I don't give a fuck if it is unhealthy," I laughed. "That's part of why I feel so damn lucky that we managed to fall in love with two guys who are best friends. It has all worked out so perfectly. I even got myself a bff with a penis!" I leaned over and kissed his cheek. "I got me a Philertons! Bitches be jealous!"

Phil and I went to a few more stores and we both ended up coming out of them more or less empty handed. I still had no idea what I was supposed to get Dan, and anything that Phil pointed out that he might like just didn't feel like 'the perfect gift' as ridiculous as that sounds. Phil was having the same problem shopping for Leila, since we couldn't visit the electronics store, since Delia (Dan and Leila, in case ya'll forgot) happened to be inside of it. I did end up picking Leila's present out though, but I couldn't actually get to bring it it with me, because they had to make it. I picked out a cute charm bracelet for her. Yeah, I know Phil got her one. But this one was different.

I also picked out a couple of things for my parents, and Phil did the same for his family and then we headed off to meet up with Dan and Leila for lunch. Or was it dinner time already? I have no fucking clue, all I know is that Phil and I were both getting hungry and I ended up getting a text from Dan asking if we wanted to meet he and Lele to get some food, since we were all in the same shopping center.

"Oh my glob, Phil," I spoke in a valley girl voice as I stopped him by a jewelry store window. "I totally want that ring. Why haven't you proposed yet?" I gasped dramatically. "If you want these lumps then you're gonna have to put a ring on it!" I was going to finish but he put his hand over my mouth because he knew I was going to yell.

He waited a second before removing his hand and I smiled sweetly. "I bet you never wanna shop with me again," I laughed as I turned for us to continue walking. When I did, I saw a head bobbing along above most of the others and I knew exactly who it was.

"My baby!" I squealed before running around like a crazy person dodging people until I ran directly into him and latched onto him like a spider monkey.

"Jesus on a boat!" he shouted. "Oh! God, it's you," he laughed as he wrapped his arms around me. I looked up at him and he leaned down and kissed my lips. "I honestly thought I'd just been attacked by a crazed fan."

I rolled my eyes, grinning. "Gah, Dan. So conceited thinking everyone knows who you are," I joked.

"Ha. Ha. Suck my cock," he replied.

"Maybe later," I winked. "If you buy my food."

"That easy, eh?" he laughed and I nodded enthusiastically.

"Cheap whores," I heard someone say. I was about two seconds away from getting pissed until I realized it was Leila faking an accent. She was getting good at it. "Did you lose Phil?" she asked looking around for him. He was just lagging a bit because he wasn't as small and rude as me, so he couldn't just push his way through the sea of people surrounding us.

He appeared of the crowd and Leila's eyes lit up just like they always did when she saw him. "There you are!" she grinned and hurried towards him to give him a hug. We must have looked like a group of sappy horny fifteen year olds who had to constantly touch their significant others. But in our defence, we didn't just start making out with them.

We had to be tasteful to some degree.

"I thought-" Leila's words were hushed by Phil's lips as he leaned in and kissed her.

"I'm sorry," he laughed as he moved her hair away from her face. "I had to do that. What did you think?" he asked her.

"I forgot," she told him before pecking his lips again.

Disgustingly cute couple award goes to them.  
Phil was just too adorable.  
And Lele was just too... some other adjective for cute.

"Phil and I decided that we should switch significant others one day a week," I announced out of nowhere with a completely serious look on my face. "He wants to explore my cave of wonders while I make waffles for him. Are y'all down for it?"

I looked up at Dan to see that he was giving me his angry look. I knew it was fake but it was still scary.  
And a little hot.  
I don't know what it was about angry Dan that made my panties want to start crawling down my legs.

"I'm kidding!" I laughed as I kissed his lips.

"Uh huh. You better be," he said as he wrapped an arm around my shoulders. "So, where are we going to feed our faces? I'm starved. Leila is like a bloody shopping energizer bunny."

"I don't know where she gets all her energy," I laughed. Every shopping trip with her ended up lasting for quite some time. I had been through quite a few.

"Did you get me anything?" Dan asked while leaning towards the bags in my hand.

"Back the fuck up, yeah?" I laughed. "No peeking!"

"You've been around me too long," he laughed.

"I want Chinese food," Phil said, and Leila responded with, "Gah, just say it if you want to eat Cat! I'll just ask Dan if he'll pass me the pecker again!"

"They don't put cats in their food. They put dogs in it," he laughed.

"No, that's Mexican food," Leila shook her head. ".. Isn't it?" She laughed. "Chiuaua tacos. Mmmmm," she rubbed her stomach and licked her lips.

"Ewww! Dude, no. Both of you are voted off of the island," I said as we all walked together. "Why don't we just go to the food court? You can get something from every fucking country there," I laughed. "And no one can eat me."

"Awww. But I wanted to," Dan pouted. Damn his cute pout.

"Pervert," I said as I wrapped an arm around his mid section.  
"A pervert you obviously like to touch," he replied.

Phil was in serious business mode because he grabbed Leila's hand and started leading her away from Dan and I and towards the food. He got himself Chinese from some Chinese place, while Leila ended up getting pizza instead of Mexican. Dan and I got chinese food, of course.

"Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!" she gasped and dropped her slice of pizza just as she'd brought it up to her mouth. "You guys won't believe what I found. Dan, shut your mouth and don't ruin my moment because you were with me when I found it," she said then grabbed one of her bags and pulled out a bottle.

A green and black bottle with the words Mountain Dew on it.

"Look at this fucking bottle!" she said excitedly, rolling her eyes into the back of her head. "It's not regular Mountain Dew. It's Mountain Dew Energy?" she shrugged. "But..." she shook her head. "I have no words for this. Dan got to hear me squeal like a fangirl over it." she announced. "I haven't tried it yet.. I wanted to be able to savor the moment."

I cracked up laughing. "Aww, babe. I'm glad you found it! Bless your heart. I can't believe you went through that epic supply of Mountain Dew so fast." Well, actually I could.

"I can't wait til Dan sees what I got him today," I laughed. "And Phil. I managed to sneak a present in even though I was with him because I'm a champ like that."

"You're such a tease!" Dan told me through a mouth full of rice. He finished chewing before speaking again. "I do love surprises though so I can't wait to see what your interesting mind came up with."

"How did the adventure go for you two?" I asked, looking at Leila.

"It was actually a lot of fun," Leila smiled as she twisted the cap off of the bottle. "It was like hanging out with you, only I think we might have gotten stared at a bit more than usual. I got your presents picked out," she told me then glanced over at Phil. "And yours," Lele nodded. "Okay, moment of truth, guys," she held the bottle up and tilted her head back to take a drink.

Or a guzzle.

Uh oh.

That wasn't a very pleased looking face.

"Ugh," she stuck her tongue out after she swallowed it. "Oh God. It tastes flat!" she shook her head and looked down at the bottle. "What the hell? That is not Mountain Dew! That's like... room temperature sugar water with green food coloring!"

Phil looked at me and smiled and I knew why. Because he had ordered her the real thing. And probably because of her reaction to trying the British version of it. However he then looked back over at Leila and offered her a sympathetic face as he laughed. "Aww, I'm sorry you don't like it. Maybe if you're a good girl Santa will bring you some."

I wondered if he knew how sexual that sounded. Not exactly what he said; more of how it came out.

I know Leila knew because of the way she was looking at him. Like she might have been undressing him with her eyes. "I don't know," she sighed. "I've been really naughty lately," she chuckled then looked back over at Dan and I, who were both watching the two of them. "Sorry about that. You know how I am about my Dew. Did you two have fun?"

"I was enjoying the little show, actually," Dan waved his fork between the two of them. "It's fun to see you two mentally fuck each other."

He really was the perfect man for me.

"We had so much fun!" I grinned at Phil. "I took him in a sex shop."

As soon as 'sex shop' left my lips, Dan choked on his sip of coke. "You what?" he asked in a high pitched voice while laughing.

"I took him in a sex shop!" I laughed. "It was awesome. I don't think I've ever seen anyone be so damaged by something. But I think it was mainly because we ended up in a room that was literally filled wall to wall with hundreds of dildos. I was even overwhelmed."  
"Oh my God," Dan shook his head, laughing. "I'm guessing that part of the trip wasn't vlogged?"

"Nope," I shook my head. "I don't know how much of any video Phil will be able to use from today because it'd take him 3 days to edit all my f-bombs out of it. But we did have a lot of fun together. We always enjoy bonding time, don't we Philertons?"

Phil nodded as he chewed. "Of course we do," he said after he swallowed his bite. "That sex shop was terrifying though. I never want to see that many penises again. I'm content just looking at my own," he laughed. "I probably won't even upload the video. You swear way more than Dan does. Neither of you have a filter."

"Do you do that often, Phil?" I asked. "Just gaze at your penis?"

"I gaze at mine. It's very majestic," Dan replied to me before Phil could.

"It is quite majestic," I nodded. "Dan has a very pretty penis."

"What?" he asked, sounding offended. "My penis is not _pretty_. That is not a good word for a penis!"

"What the fuck is a good word for it?" I laughed. "Mighty? Powerful?"

"Majestic was just fine," he laughed. "Not pretty."

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever. It's totally pretty."

Leila scrunched her nose up. "I don't think any penis is pretty," she shook her head. "But if I had to call Phil's something, I'd call it Thor," she looked over at him and his eyes got big. "You know, he's got that hammer," she laughed at herself. "And he was the God of thunder..."

I raised an eyebrow and glanced between her and Phil. "I have no words," I laughed, shaking my head. By that point we'd all finished our food and it was getting pretty late in the day. "Okay, people. Time to do the shopping partner trade off!" I announced, clapping my hands.

"You ready for this, Lele?"

"Oh yes," she smiled at me as she got up from her seat and started collecting her things. "We should have rented a gimp to carry our bags for us. It's getting hard to dig through stuff with all of this.. baggage."

"Ugh, I know. This is one rare time when I miss LA cause we could go put these bags in the car," I said as we stood up.

"I'll take yours," Dan grinned and I rolled my eyes.

"I'm not that stupid," I laughed. "I trust you but not with your presents."

He reached over and wrapped his arms around me before pulling me against his chest. "I don't want Leila to take you. Let's go home and cuddle in our underwear."

"So tempting," I replied before inhaling deeply because his cologne was orgasmic. "We'll do that after shopping."

"Dammit," he sighed as he pulled away. "Give me a kiss?" he asked, pointing at his lips.

How could I deny that? I stood on my tip toes and kissed his lips. "Be good, okay?"  
"I'm always good," he smirked.

Phil came back from throwing he and Lele's garbage away and instead of grabbing his bags off of the table, he grabbed Leila and pulled her against him, hugging her like he hadn't just been sitting beside her before giving her a kiss. "I love you," he said quietly and rubbed his nose against hers.

Leila's grin was priceless. It was like every time he told her that she seemed as though she'd never heard him say it before. "I love you too," she pecked his lips. "And I can't wait to get home so we can snuggle up on the couch and not watch the movie that we put in," she laughed then pulled away from him and looked over at me. "Are you ready for adventure time, Catniss?"

"Totally ready. Let's go fuck shit up."


	32. IT'S THE C WORD!

**Phil's POV**  
**Christmas Eve Night**

"I love egg nog entirely too much," I laughed as Cat poured me another glass.

"I can tell. Damn. I think it might go past your love for waffles."

I got a very serious look on my face and shook my head slowly. "No. Never. That love is strong."

This was my first Christmas Eve away from the home I grew up in. I was in mine and Leila's flat with her, Dan and Cat. We were all sitting around on the floor of the living room with the lights off, the Christmas tree lights on, and a lot of eggnog and snacks. Each of us had the best Christmas jumpers ever.

I'd always thought that even if I found a significant other that it would be weird to be away from home on Christmas but it wasn't. These people were my new family.

I was having one of those movie moments where you look across from you to see your two best friends who are in love sitting together being all cute and then you look down at the woman sitting next to you who has taken your whole world and changed it for the better. The woman who is everything to you.

And everything is just perfect.

"You alright over there?" Cat asked, laughing. "You look like you're about to break into song or something."

"I'm fine," I laughed. "I was just thinking about how great things are. How happy I am to have great friends and a wonderful girlfriend." I looked over at Leila before leaning over to press my lips against hers. "This is definitely a good Christmas Eve so far."

She gave me a kiss and lingered there, smiling against my lips for a few seconds. "It's great," she muttered, kissing me once more before pulling away and looking over at Cat and Dan. "It's all of our first Christmases together. Even Cat and I," she stated.

Dan raised his glass up in the air, smiling a genuine happy smile. "I'll drink to that," Dan said as he looked over at Cat. He leaned in and kissed her then backed away only slightly. "To the first of many," he said to her, clinking his glass against hers before face Leila and I to do the same.

We all toasted and took hearty drinks from our glasses.

"I still can't believe there's no snow," Cat sighed as she looked down at her glass.

Poor girl. She had been going on about having her first ever white Christmas since late October and for some reason there was no snow in London to speak of. It was just icy and annoying. It sounded a bit childish but I could tell how badly she wanted it.

"Maybe Santa will bring you snow tonight!" I told her, trying to make her smile which worked.

"Either way, I'm beyond happy to share Christmas with y'all." She looked up at Dan and kissed his cheek.

I looked over at Leila and brushed a piece of her hair behind her ear. "You look quite beautiful in your Christmas jumper," I grinned.

We all looked like something out of a bloody Christmas catalog from 1992 and it was amazing.

Leila laughed. "You look handsome in yours," she pulled on the fleece fabric of my jumper and laughed a little more. "We should get pictures of all of us in our jumpers," she said, glancing over at our personal picture taker. Cat. "Wow. I just said jumper," she laughed again while looking back at me, smiling.

"We're brainwashing you," Dan told her in a really creepy sounding voice. "Both of you, actually," he looked over at Cat, who was also picking up on our slang.

"Actually, we are brainwashing you two. You just didn't know," she tapped his nose with her finger and then moved to get up from the floor. "I shall go get my camera. Family photo time!"

"Drunk family Christmas photo!" I said excitedly while dancing.

"Let's sit in front of the tree!" Cat said as she walked in with the camera. The tripod was already set up from when Dan and I filmed the SAP Christmas special. She set it up and pointed it downward towards the tree.

She directed us on where to sit telling Dan and I to sit next to each other and she and Leila would sit sideways on our laps to look 'coupletastic' as she put it.

I sat down where she told me and looked up at Leila who was getting ready to sit on me. I started rubbing my thigh and giving her a totally creepy look. "Hey pretty lady. Wanna sit on my lap?" I asked in my creepy man voice.

Leila bursted out laughing as did Dan and Cat. "What the actual fuck was that, Phil?" Dan asked through his laughter as Leila lowered herself down and sat on my thighs. "You should have just told her you had candy and asked her if she wanted to get in your van."

"He's saving all of his candy to get me into bed later. Duh," Leila told Dan in a goofy sounding voice, laughing again.

Cat settled on top of Dan's lap and he wrapped his arms around her and popped a kiss against her cheek and the flash went off without warning.

I think that may have actually been a good one though, with Dan kissing Cat and Leila and I looking at each other, smiling.

"I wasn't even looking at the camera and that flash blinded me," Leila widened her eyes before blinking over and over again. "Okay, I'm good."

"The camera knows when we look cute apparently," Cat laughed. "Okay, go ahead and pose. We've probably got 5 seconds."

She was right. A couple of seconds after she said that the flash went off again with all of us ready for that one.

She crawled off of Dan's lap and hopped up to take the camera off of the tripod. "Oh my glob!" she gasped, putting her hand over her heart. "They're both so perfect!" she knelt down in front of us holding the camera out for us to see.

She was right. Both of them were absolutely perfect.

"See, I told you that you look beautiful in that jumper," I grinned at Leila as I tightened my arms around her.

She grabbed both of my hands and squeezed them, further tightening my arms around her, smiling like she might have been the happiest person on the planet. "I just love you," she happy sighed and looked up at Cat and Dan. "All of you," she nodded.

Dan, who had his arms wrapped around Cat sat his chin on her shoulder and grinned at Leila before pressing a kiss against the side of Cat's face. "Awe, Lele," he said sounding entirely like Cat. I'm not sure that he realized he'd even said it like that. Like it was natural or something. "You should send those to your parents, baby," he told Cat. "I'm sure they would love to see them."

She nodded, smiling as she stared down at the photo. "I will email them to Mama tonight, for sure." She glanced over at the clock and her eyes got wide. "Shit. It's almost 3 am," she laughed. "We better go back to the apartment and get in bed so we can all do our Christmas stuff before Christmas is actually over today."

I gasped and jumped a bit, nearly toppling over with Leila. "It's officially Christmas!" I said excitedly while swaying back and forth with her on my lap. I stopped for a moment to kiss her lips, smiling against them. "Merry Christmas, sweetheart."

"Merry Christmas, honey," Leila giggled, obviously amused at my excitement. "You're so cute," she kissed me again and then looked up to see Cat and Dan standing up. "Wait!" she said urgently, unlatching my arms from her before crawling off of my lap and standing up.

She grabbed Cat and forced her into a tight hug. "Merry Christmas Cat!" she told her, still sounding excited, then pulled away and grabbed Dan to hug him. "Merry Christmas Dan," she told him, squeezing him.

Leila was always loving. But Leila who had alcohol was very loving.

"Merry Christmas, Pholdy," Dan replied before pulling away from Leila and grabbing Cat's hand.

"That name will never stop haunting me, will it?" Leila shook her head and laughed.

I stood up as well and as soon as I was upright, Cat pounced on me and thankfully I did not stumble backwards into the tree. She was like a little spider monkey with her arms and legs wrapped around me. "Merry Christmas, Philertons! I can't wait to give you your gifts later," she told me before placing a kiss on my forehead and hopping down. She then walked over to Leila and gave her a hug because one wasn't enough, and kissed her on the lips.

Oh my.

"Merry Christmas, my Lele," she said as she held her face for a second. "We'll call y'all when I have breakfast ready and yes I'm making waffles," she laughed, looking over at me as she and Dan began making their way out.

"Have fun having Christmas sex!" Cat called out as they walked out the door.

I walked over to Leila and wrapped my arms around her to pull her into a hug. "I'm really happy and it's not just because I'm fairly drunk," I laughed as I pulled back to look down at her. "I love you, so much, Leila Faust. I hope that this Christmas is perfect for you."

Her arms were wrapped around me and she had the same big grin on her face she'd had all night. "It is perfect," she told me as she tilted her head to the side, her grin turning into a smile. "And I love you too, Phillip Lester. I've never been happier." She leaned in and kissed me softly but stopped to give me a very tight hug. "So thank you for making me the happiest I've ever been," Leila pulled back a bit so she could see my face and then pecked my lips.

"You're perfect," I whispered before kissing her lips again. "Now, let's go see if I can make you a bit happier," I grinned as I pulled back but took her hands and began leading her down the hallway to our room.

Dan's POV

My eyes popped open and the first thing I noticed was that my bedroom was very, very bright. So bright that I thought that it was late in the afternoon instead of 9 am.

Oh shit. It's 9am. And I'm up without an alarm?  
Oh, duh. It's Christmas morning!  
Yes, I still got excited about Christmas.

Cat was cuddled up beside me, still fast asleep but I didn't bother with waking her up just yet. I had something to do first.

The fact that it was so bright out without any hint of sunshine gave me hope that maybe it had snowed overnight, so I crawled out of bed being as quiet as possible and tip-toed over to the widow.

I pulled back the curtain and my eyes got huge.  
There was snow everywhere, and it was still falling from the sky.

"Yes!" I squealed in a very high pitched voice as I did a little victory dance.

So I couldn't take credit for making it snow - but I could bask in the moment and the excitement that I knew my girlfriend would be feeling as soon as I woke her up to tell her.

I was tempted, so bloody tempted, to start jumping on the bed, screaming with glee for her to get up because it was Christmas morning and because there was snow all over the ground. But I opted against it tiptoed out of our bedroom. Once I was in the hallway I took off in a sprint towards the kitchen. I'd gotten the coffee ready before we'd gone to bed, so all I had to do was start it.

Once it was done I grabbed the giant coffee mug she had gotten in LA when she was there working for People and filled it to the rim and headed back towards our room. I grabbed my llama toboggan off of the headboard and slid it on then sat down beside her and leaned in to press my lips against hers.

"Good morning, beautiful," I whispered against them then pulled away slightly. "Wake up. It's Christmas. And I've got a surprise for you."

She snuggled down further into the covers while scrunching her face up. Cat was not a morning person. A few seconds later she opened one eye and looked at me. "Morning sex?" she mumbled, grinning.

I laughed and shook my head. "No," I held her coffee mug up so that she could see it as a temptation to wake up a bit. "Coffee and snow," I grinned back at her.

And then I waited for a Cat freakout moment.

Both of her eyes popped open and she sat up so fast she nearly hit me. "Did you say snow?" she asked, sounding panicked as she started trying to get out from under the covers. It was quite amusing to watch her flail around as she untangled herself from the sheets.

Her feet finally hit the floor and she ran to the window.

Then nothing. She didn't even move.

I was about to speak up when this insanely shrill, loud squeal left her lips. "Snow!" she said as she leaned in closer to the window with her hands on the window panes. "On Christmas!" she laughed and when she turned to look at me - wait, was she actually crying?

"Come on!" she squealed as she ran across the room and began putting her feet into her boots.

I looked down at myself. I was half naked.

"Hang on!" I laughed, amused at how excited she was. I hurried towards the wardrobe and grabbed a pair of sweatpants and a tshirt and dressed myself as quickly as possible before throwing on a hoodie and grabbing the jacket I'd been wearing everyday for the last couple of weeks. I shoved my feet into a pair of shoes and she was tugging on my hand, urging me out of our room and down the hall.

"I am freaking out right now," she said as we walked out into the hall. "Holy shit. I've wanted a White Christmas since, well, since as along as I can remember," she laughed.

We stepped into the elevator and she jumped on me, hugging me and kissing my lips repeatedly. "This is going to be the best Christmas ever. I feel like I am going to explode with glitter and rainbows and happy shit like that," she laughed.

Laughing, I wrapped my arms around her and steadied her so she didn't trip over her own feet and topple over in the midst of her excitement. I waited until she'd calmed down a bit before kissing her deeply.

Seeing her this happy made me happy.  
I know that I wasn't the reason for all of this at the moment, but being able to be a part of it meant so much to me.

I just - I loved her.  
When you love someone, their happiness becomes your happiness.

"I love you," I whispered, smiling against her lips just before the lift chimed and the elevator doors popped open.

She stopped moving completely and her hands moved to my face before she kissed my lips. "I love you more," she whispered against them before her hand gripped mine and she bolted out the doors dragging me with her.

We ran through the lobby and once we were out the doors we stopped and she just stood there staring at the snow with a huge smile on her face.

A fangirl squeal that echoed outside left her lips as she ran across the pavement and into the grass. "It's so pretty!" she giggled as she hopped around in the snow.

She turned to face me and then looked up at the sky and held her mouth open to catch flakes in her mouth. It was still snowing pretty heavily.

She was standing there in a pair of my sweatpants she'd slept in and also my hoody. Her hair was all messy on top of her head the way it always was when she woke up and somehow she still looked perfect.

"Everything is so-" she paused as she started spinning around in a slow circle still looking up at the sky, "just perfect. It's Christmas, it's snowing, and I have you. Total perfection." It sort of sounded like she was talking to herself.

It was perfect.  
Everything about that moment was completely and utterly perfect. Flawless.  
She was blissfully happy, therefor, so was I.  
I'd only seen her eyes light up like that a few times before; that kind of completeness was rare for anyone.

This was the exact moment I had been dreaming of, waiting on, and hoping for.

"Cat," I called out to get her attention, because she was still smiling up at the white sky.

Cat's POV

I swear, I could not remember the last time I was so excited. I don't think I was even that excited when I found out Leila and I were moving to London.

Okay, I know it sounds batshit crazy that snow made me that happy but I watched a lot of old black and white Christmas movies with my Mom when I was a kid and back then I got it into my head that I had to have a white Christmas.

White Christmases do not happen in the south but they happen in London and I was straight up giddy even though I was freezing my ass off.

"Cat," Dan said my name and I turned around to look at him fully expecting him to be getting ready to throw a snowball at my face or something.

That is definitely not what he was doing.

There was my boyfriend, the man of my dreams, being so cute in his llama hat and he was kneeling in the snow.

On one knee.

But what really caught my attention was his hand held out with a little black box. A little black ring box.

"Oh my God," I breathed, my hand moving up to cover my mouth. It felt like someone punched the wind out of me but in the best way possible. If that makes any sense.

He grinned at me and let out a quiet laugh as he reach out for my hand. "I've been waiting for the perfect chance to do this," he began once my hand was in his. "I know we've not been together for that long, and we're both young, but..." he trailed off and laughed quietly again as he shook his head. "I always heard people say 'when you find the one you'll know it.' Honestly? I thought they were mental.. but they weren't, because when I found you? When I kissed you for the first time? I just.. knew... and every kiss thereafter, every time I look into your eyes, every touch, every smile, it's just a reminder that you're the one for me. I can't imagine an unshared tomorrow.. I have found the meaning of forever in you... I love you, so much. So will you, Catherine Elizabeth Radley, make me the happiest man in the world? Marry me?"

"Oh my God, baby," I choked out, tears rolling down my face like crazy. I was being such a girl but I didn't give a shit.

Was I dreaming? I was seriously wondering. This could not be happening to me. I never thought something like this would ever actually happen to me.

I stared down at him after blinking away tears that were blurring my vision. He was biting his bottom lip like he was nervous and he had the most hopeful look in his eyes.

I'd known for a while that he was it for me. Especially after we moved in together. I could see the rest of my life with him. I could see us having babies someday. I wanted to grow old with him. I wanted all that fairy tale stuff and I only wanted it with him.

I took a deep shaky breath as I nodded my head quickly. "Yes, of course, yes!" I answered, giggling and bouncing in place as I held my left hand out for him to put the ring on my finger.

He let out a breath, or perhaps a sigh of relief as he slid the ring onto my finger and up over my knuckle. It was a perfect fit.

He stood up from the ground and he had the cutest smile on his face. His dimples were showing, teeth exposed and he grabbed me and gave me the biggest hug ever. "I can't wait to start our lives together," he told me, his warm breath pressing against my neck. Though, he pulled away a few seconds later and I could see the faint sign of wetness around his eyes.

I don't think I'd ever seen him _this _happy.

He leaned down and cupped both of my cheeks and gently pressed his lips against mine before letting our foreheads rests together. "You really have made me the happiest man in the world, Cat," he whispered before pecking my lips again.

My entire body was shaking and I knew it wasn't because of the cold. I was just standing there in his arms, everything running through my memory so quickly. From watching him on Youtube and obsessing over him like a fangirl to he and I fighting on the sidewalk to our first kiss and the first I love you. Everything ran through my mind so fucking quickly. It was unbelievable to me that this was my life. It was better than a dream come true.

"I can't believe this," I sniffled as I pulled back to look up at him. I wiped the tears off of my face and giggled like a girl when I looked up at his face. "You want to marry me." I stated the obvious because it just seemed so insane. "I can't remember ever feeling so happy," I managed to say as a whole new wave of tears hit me.

My left hand was resting on his shoulder so I got my first real look at the ring and holy. fucking. shit.

"Dan!" I gasped, bringing my hand towards my face. "This-" I just stopped talking because I had no words. "So perfect," I finally said.

I looked up at him to see he was grinning at me again like he was proud of himself since he liked the ring. I couldn't control the straight up fangirl squeal that left my lips as I threw my arms around his shoulders and kissed him.

I _really_ kissed him. Like the sort of kiss that leads to clothes being ripped off.

He kissed me back just as intensely, pulling me against his chest as his hands slid down my sides and onto my hips, the snow still falling down around us.

However he stopped as I heard a weird sound and he nearly toppled over on top of me. Dan whipped his head around. "Hey!" he yelled, and I poked my head around to see a group of kids at the end of the sidewalk holding snowballs. I looked down to see that one of them had nailed him right in the back of the knee with one. "Those little twats!" he laughed.

"Get a room!" one of the kids yelled before chucking another snowball in our direction. "Yeah!" another called out.

"Oh shut your trap, you little wankers!" I yelled over at them. "You'll understand when you can get a boner!" I held my hand up and gave them a thumbs up before turning my hand and flipping them off. "Merry Christmas!"

"Oh we're going to make fine parents one day," Dan laughed and wrapped his arm around me. "We should probably go back in before an angry parent comes down here and you go to jail," he told me leading me back towards our apartment building.

A snowball almost hit Dan in the face right before we walked in and it ended up being me who had to stop him from chasing the little shithead down and giving him a wedgie that would 'make his knickers look like a bloody backpack.'

Once we were back on our floor he kissed the top of my head. "So who are you going to tell first?" he asked, laughing as he held up my left hand. "I'm guessing either your Mum or Leila. I'm just not sure which yet."

"My Mum," I answered, imitating his accent. "She'd kill me if she ever found out I didn't tell her first," I laughed. "I'm going to call her as soon I get unfrozen," I said as he opened the door for me to walk into the apartment. I saw all the presents around the tree that I'd managed to forget about because getting engaged will do that to a person.

"Did you tell anyone you were planning to ask me?" I asked him as I pulled his hoody over my head since it was covered in snow that was quickly melting.

"No one," Dan answered as he shrugged out of his jacket. "I never knew when it was going to happen," he told me as he laid it down on the back of the couch. "I've been carrying the ring around with me since I bought it. I've just been waiting for the right time.. Today was just perfect," he smiled and placed a kiss against my lips.

He moved away though so he could kick his shoes off and glanced around the room, his eyes lingering by the fireplace that we'd never used despite the fact that we had bought wood to burn. He took my left hand and walked me over to it and sat down in front of it, urging me to sit down beside him.

He reached over to the three and picked up a long rectangular present and handed it to me. "I want you to open that one first," he told me then leaned over towards the fireplace and started messing with one of the logs, trying to get a fire going.

"Oooo present time!" I said as I took it from him. I was so excited to see what his wonderful mind had come up with to give to me but I was more excited about giving him his gifts.

The present was rather large and I had to sit it down on the floor in front of me before beginning to tear the paper off of it. My mouth fell open as I pulled the paper away revealing a photo of us on our first date. He'd had it blown up and edited to be black and white. It wss inside of one of the most beautiful frames I had ever seen.

"Holy shit, baby," I gasped as I leaned back to look at it. I just knew I was about to cry again. "This is so amazing. I can't-" I shook my head. "I literally just can't," I laughed, leaning forward to moved my fingers along the side of the frame.

"Do you like it?" he looked over at me from the fireplace, grinning as he picked up a very hideous painting that he'd brought home a couple of weeks ago. "This is what came inside of it," he told me as he held it up. "I could paint this with my balls," he laughed then tossed it back down.

He leaned over and pressed a kiss against my lips.

I laughed into the kiss. "Sorry. I got a mental image of you painting with your balls." I crawled away from him to reach over and grab a present for him.

"This is sort of a two parter. The 2nd part is something I have to tell you about though so just open this," I said as I handed it to him.

He took the present from me and started unwrapping it and he immediately started laughing and shaking his head as he saw what it was. Which was a large picture frame that held three pictures; all three which were screencaptures from the first live show I had done with him when I had first moved here and he introduced me to the Phandom as Whiskers. "Oh my God," he looked up at me, smiling. "That is amazing," he leaned in and kissed me again then looked back down at it, admiring it. "Seriously, this is perfect," he started looking around the living room. "I'm not sure where we should put it."

"Well, that's where the second part comes in," I told him. "I'm paying to have one of our extra rooms turned into your office slash filming area," I grinned. "And that can be the first thing you decorate with."

"Aww, babe, you didn't have to do that," he responded looking entirely too cute. "But thank you, that is also amazing."

"I know that I didn't but you deserve it," I told him as I leaned over to kiss his lips.

By the time we were done, we both basically had a new wardrobe of amazing t-shirts, cute hats, and toys neither of us really needed. Our living room was also the land of wrapping paper but neither of us gave a fuck.

We also text my mother and got her and Dad to get on Skype so we could see their reaction to the engagement news. My Mom screamed, then cried, and my Dad did a brofist sort of thing to Dan. It was way too cute.

I still hadn't told Leila and I was about to fucking explode. I text her to tell her and Phil we were awake but got no response so I figured they were either still asleep or were doing their couple Christmas thing.

I began working on breakfast because it was going to be a massive Christmas breakfast. Well, sort of a Christmas brunch because it was fairly late in the morning.

We'd both changed clothes and Dan was proudly wearing his 'pianist' shirt I'd bought him along with a new pair of jeans I'd gotten him. Oh and his hair was curly at my request.

I was wearing a purple t-shirt that said 'catisnotonfire' across the boobs in bright blue font which he'd had made for me. On the back it said 'Who the fuck is Whiskers?'. It was one of my favorite presents.

You know, apart from the ring on my left finger that said I was going to be with him FOREVER.

I let out a little squeal as I poured some of the batter for waffles into the waffle maker and turned to see Dan standing by the fireplace looking at me like I was bonkers.

"Sorry. I remembered we're engaged," I admitted shamelessly while laughing. "Leila and Phil are going to shit bricks."

Leila's POV

I was half asleep as I rolled from my back onto my side, a blurry Phil still sound asleep beside me. I smiled to myself and let my lids fall shut again as I wrapped my arm over his chest, completely ready to go back to sleep; however they shot open at the realization that it was morning.

It's Christmas!  
That only thing that really excited me more than that was knowing how excited Phil was going to be when I woke him up.

I propped myself up onto my elbow and leaned over. "Phil," I whispered. Nothing. He was difficult to wake up sometimes. "Baby, it's Christmas!" I said a bit louder, rubbing my hand from his chest onto his shoulder. "Wake up!"

He grunted something I couldn't understand and finally opened his eyes. "I wanna sleep," he whined and rolled over onto his side, his arm draping over me and pulling me against him. He laid there for about 2 more seconds before his head popped up. His hair looked crazy like it always did in the morning. He started grinning as he looked at me. "It's Christmas!"

So cute. My boyfriend was so cute. "It is!" I nodded at him as I smiled and leaned in a little closer to give him a quick kiss. "That's why you have to get up! You have presents to open and then we have two best friends to go visit and lots of food to eat."

Bribery.

I sat up on our bed and moved the covers until I found one of his hands and started tugging on it. Surprisingly I was wide awake given how late it was when we'd finally gone to sleep, and not hungover despite all of the eggnog I'd had.

"Come onnnnn," I laughed groggily, leaning back as I continued tugging on his hand, trying to urge him to get up.

He laughed as he finally sat up, yawning. "I'm coming. I'm coming," he said as he scooted to the edge of the bed. He slid off and leaned down to pick up my hands. "I have a special present to give you first though," he grinned as he pulled me up from the bed and started to lead me down the hallway.

"Have a seat," he said as he walked over to the Christmas tree. I sat down on the floor in front of it and watched him, wondering what he was up to.

He picked up the tv remote and turned the tv on which confused me. "Watch," he nodded towards the tv before pressing another button.

I was shocked when I saw my Mom and Dad pop up on the screen. They were sitting in front of the tree back home.

"Hey sweetie!" My Mom waved.

"Hey honey," My Dad smiled.

"Phil called us and said that he wanted to make your Christmas as special as possible and that he wanted us to be a part of it so, here we are!" she laughed. "We just want you to know how proud of you we are. We've pushed you so hard all of your life but it's because we know how much potential you have. You've exceeded our expectations, baby." I could tell she was about to cry. "When we saw you at Thanksgiving and saw how happy you were, we knew that you were okay and you knew what you were doing with your life. We truly are so incredibly happy for you."

"And again, we're proud of you," my Dad smiled. "You've grown up to be an amazing woman."

"Phil has some special gifts for you from me. I hope you like them," she grinned. "Make sure you call me today and have an amazing Christmas with Phil, Cat and Dan. We love you baby. Merry Christmas!"

The video stopped and I looked up at Phil who was still standing by the tree looking down at me. "Thank you," I cried; literally, as I made grabby hands for him to join me. Once he had I squeezed him. "I wasn't expecting that at all," I told him as I pulled away to wipe my eyes. "That was so sweet."

It was exactly what I needed to hear from them, and I was so happy that I'd gotten to see them on Christmas. It was the only thing that had been missing.

"We've only been up for five minutes and everything is already perfect."

"That's exactly what I was going for," he kissed my forehead and smiled down at me. "Come on. Open a present!" He was so excited he was practically bounce-crawling to get under the tree. He pulled out the stack of presents with my name on them I'd been eyeing and wondering about.

"Open one!" he demanded, still sounding excited as he placed the pile on my lap.

Of course he succeeded in finding me the cutest presents including a t-shirt with a picture of Oscar Wilde on the front and a beautiful necklace which had a locket on it that contained photos of us. I didn't even want to ask how much it cost but it looked entirely too expensive and I was sure I'd never remove it.

But the best gift of all which reduced me a pool a girly tears was the video he made for me.

It was a bunch of video clips of us with Promise The Stars by We The Kings playing over it, starting with the bit Dan had recorded of us while we were sleeping on the couch when we'd first met. Cat had been right, we did look adorable all cuddled up together.

That was followed by random bits of us hanging out and goofing off, shots of us while we were in California together, which made me all the more emotional over what had happened out there - but it didn't really bother me, because that was so far behind us. There were also pictures on it; one of which was the first one we took together when we were on the double decker bus, another from the group shot of us all dressed up when we were in Paris, and then a ton that I didn't even know existed, so I knew he had gotten them from Cat.

It was perfect. Just perfect.

Even after it was over I sat there looking at the screen, crying because of all of the emotions that were taking over. I knew that I looked ridiculous and he was probably feeling guilty because he hated when I cried.

"Right. In. The. Feels," I cry-laughed once I'd finally composed myself enough to actually produce words. I grabbed him and hugged him for about the 500th time that morning. "That was the best present ever. I love it! I love you!" I told him as I let go and started wiping the tears off of my face. "I wish I could have done something like that for you."

I could only imagine the mess that would turn out to be though.

He smiled at me as he used his thumb to wipe away a few tears from my cheek. "Having you is enough for me. I don't care that that sounds so cheesy," he laughed as he leaned in to kiss my lips. "And seeing your reaction to the video was a present in itself."

Seriously, could he be anymore perfect?

After that, I gave him my gifts to him. Of course I had to get him some awesome shirts. That was all of our thing as a foursome. We had t-shirt obsessions. I also got him a pair of jeans I knew would hug him in all the right places. Of course I also gave him the lion that Dan and I found in the thrift shop and he flipped out over it and the Flips I'd ordered him. I was quite proud of my Christmas gift buying skills.

But, the best gift was coming last.

"I have one more present for you," I said as I pushed myself off of the floor. I'd almost forgotten about it in the midst of having an ultimate fangirl/feels attack. "Close your eyes. No peeking!" I walked out of the living room and into the spare room where I'd been keeping his gift, since he hardly ever went in there - and anytime that he even got close to going in there I would intervene.

A few minutes later I walked back down the hall and looked around the corner to see Phil still sitting there with his eyes closed in front of the tree. It was so cute. I wished that I had my phone handy so I could take a picture of it.

"Okay, hold out your hands," I instructed him as, sitting on my knees in front of him. Once his hands were out I put his present in his palms.

His forehead scrunched up for a second and then he opened his eyes. "Oh my God!" he yelled, gasping loudly. "A hamster! You got me a hamster!" he practically squealed as the little critter ran around in his palms. "Awww hamster!" he said as he brought it up to his face and rubbed his cheek against it.

I was wishing I had my phone again, because his reaction was the cutest thing I'd ever seen in my entire life.

"You always talk about how you want one, and I knew you would never actually get one yourself," I laughed. "It's got a cage and one of those balls in the spare room. I can help you take care of it too," I smiled, leaning in to look at it. "Aww, you love Phil already, don't you? Aww, yes you do. Yesss you doooo," I baby-talked. "You just need a name now," I rubbed my finger against its head.

"Hmmm. How about Timothy?" he was practically beaming. "I finally have a hamster!" He giggled, actually giggled, as he leaned in and kissed my lips. "Best Christmas present ever. Thank you sweetheart."

"You're welcome," I grinned, then went to stand up again. I left Phil in the living room with Timothy and went to our room to grab my phone because I HAD to get a picture of him. It was far too adorable to pass up. I saw that I had a missed call from Cat, so I sent her a text letting her know that we would be over soon.

I took the photo of Phil nuzzling his face against the hamsters then asked if I could tumblr it so the rest of the world could see how cute he was. Of course he agreed and even asked me to send him the picture so he could tweet it.

After we cleaned up the wrapping paper mess we started getting ready to go to Cat and Dan's for Christmas brunch. Phil refused to put Timothy in his cage, so we took turns holding him while we got dressed, and once we were done and ready to leave he grabbed the hamster ball because 'Timothy had to go and meet aunt Cat and uncle Dan.'

Phil's POV

Leila knocked on Cat and Dan's door because I was holding Timothy inside his ball and a bag of presents for the two of them. I could smell waffles and other amazing food smells and my stomach growled loudly.

A squeal could be heard from inside the apartment followed by Dan laughing. I could hear Cat's feet moving fast along the floor towards the door and Leila and I looked at each other and laughed.

"Merry Christmas babies!" she said as she opened the door for us, holding her arms out. I don't think I had ever see her so damn happy before.

"Merry Christmas!" Leila and I said at the same time.

"Come in," she said as she moved away from the door. "I just set up our little Christmas food buffet in the kitchen."

"I'm starrrrrviiinnnng," Leila said in a dramatic Cat-like voice as she moved in through the door before I did.

Dan was getting up from the couch and I couldn't help but notice that he looked just as happy as Cat. I mean, Dan was generally happy, but the smile on his face was a bit ridiculous.

"Merry Christmas!" Dan said happily as he moved towards us. "Oh, nice, Phil," he laughed pointing at the hamster ball in my hands, but surprisingly he didn't make some kind of horrific comment about the fact that I was carrying it around with me.

"Did you two have a good morning?" he asked, looking between Leila and I as we all headed into the dining room to take our seats.

"A great morning," Leila answered him with a big grin on her face. "Cat, I can already tell that you've outdone yourself. Everything smells so good!"

"It really does," I added as I sat down. I placed Timothy on the floor and be began rolling around in his ball. I was far too excited about my new creature. "You cooked so much!" I laughed, looking around the table.

There were waffles, pancakes, eggs, bacon, bagels, sausages, and biscuits.

"It's a special day," she said as she sat down next to Dan. "So, did the video make you cry?" Cat asked Leila as she poured herself some coffee. "Cause I cried and it wasn't even mine," she laughed.

"Oh my God, yes!" Leila laughed as she grabbed a biscuit and put it on her plate. "It was the sweetest and cutest thing ever," she said in awe, glancing over at me and smiling before looking back at Cat. "Did you like the picture frame and picture Dan got you?"

"Holy shit, yes!" she gasped, flailing her hands around and nearly smacking Dan's head in the process. "And this shirt," she pointed at it and laughed. "Amazing. Everything was and is amazing," she nodded as she glanced over at Dan and grinned.

We were all putting food on our plates and things got silent for a few seconds before Cat spoke up again.

"So, we have something important to tell you guys," she said as she put her hands under the table. Dan looked over at her and I could tell he was holding her hand even though it wasn't visible.  
I had a weird feeling. Cat looked quite serious and that was rare for her.

"Oh my God," Leila blurted out, staring at Cat with wide eyes. "How far along are you?!" she squealed, clapping her hands together. "Can I be the Godmother? I better be the Godmother! Do you have any ultrasound pictures yet?!" she said very quickly.

I was in shock. I stared at Leila and then looked at Cat and Dan who were staring at Leila like she had 3 heads.

Cat started laughing pretty loudly and Dan did as well.

"My uterus is not currently occupied, Lele," she said through her laughter. "Calm down."

"Then what is it?" I asked, completely confused and very curious.

Cat opened her mouth to speak but was stopped before she could start.

"I asked Cat to marry me," Dan grinned, glancing over at her before looking back at me and then at Leila. "We're engaged."

Leila's jaw probably hit the floor, because I know that mine did.  
"Oh my GOD!" she squealed again. "That's- Oh my GOD! Cat!" she got up from her seat and hurried over to Cat, forcing her into a hug. "Congratulations! I can't! I have so many feelings right now about this!" she laughed as she pulled away from her then yanked at her left arm, bringing her hand from under the table. "Oh fuck!" she blurted out as she eyed Cat's ring finger. "Dan, did you pick this out? It's gorgeous!"

"I know right?" Cat responded, her voice way girlier than usual. It was obvious she was beyond giddy. "I nearly passed out when he asked."

I looked over at Dan who was watching the girls with a huge smile on his face. It was weird. I'd never seen him like that.

I was in shock. Dan and I had spoken about marrying the girls before but he hadn't told me anything about asking her.

"How did you slip this past me?" I laughed, looking at Dan. "This is so out of nowhere. Not that I'm not thrilled. You two were made for each other."

"I didn't know when I was going to do it," he told me as he shrugged. "I mean, I've had the ring for a bit now. I was just waiting for the perfect time and this morning just happened to perfect," he explained, still smiling. "I'm sorry, I know I promised I would tell you when I was planning on asking."

"No, don't apologize!" I shook my head. "I'm just so shocked," I laughed. "I swear I thought you guys were about to say that you were going to have a kid."

"I didn't even think about that," Cat laughed. "I think I nearly fainted when he asked me though. Leila, it was so perfect!" she said as she grabbed Leila's hands and shook them about. "We were out in the snow and I was just being a doofus and I turn around and he's kneeling in the snow," she tilted her head back and made a weird squealy sort of noise. "It was so amazing. I wish you could've seen it."

Leila was bouncing around in place looking just as excited as Cat. "Aww! It sounds perfect! I wish I could have seen it too! And the look on your face! I bet it was priceless!" she squealed. "I'm so happy for you!" she went in to hug her again.

Cat hugged her and was giggling like crazy. I held my hand up and reached over the table to give Dan a high five. "Congratulations, Daniel!" I laughed.

"And of course, you're going to be my maid of honor," Cat said as she pulled back from the hug. "And I won't make you wear an ugly dress," she laughed.

Leila gasped. "Oh my God, I didn't even think of the fact that we have a wedding to plan!" she laughed and bounced around a bit more as she flailed her arms about. It looked like she was having one of those major fangirl moments she always talked about or something. "So are you going to get married here? Or - wait. Is it too soon to - nah, it's never too soon," she laughed at herself as she went to sit back down. "You need a really good photographer! It's almost a shame that you won't be able to take the pictures yourself. No one is as good as you are! Do you guys have a date thought up yet? You could do a nice summer wedding! Oh spring weddings are cute though, because of the colors - but fall! Oh, fall is gorgeous!" she started squealing again.

"Fall wedding," Cat and Dan said at the same time and then looked over at each other and started laughing.

"Well, that's decided," Cat laughed. "We haven't discussed any wedding details yes. I have already thought about the photography part though. I have no idea of who will do it but we'll most likely get married here. Mom and Dad loved it here so they won't mind coming back."

"So many hearts are going to be shattered soon," I laughed, shaking my head. I was thinking of all of Dan's hardcore fans and of course, the Phans. Their dream would officially be destroyed.

"People are going to hate me," Cat laughed. "But I don't care. I feel like the happiest girl ever right now."

"Are you guys going to announce it to the Phandom?" Leila asked, and I definitely noticed a bit of worry on her face, though it wasn't as prominent as usual.

Cat shrugged. "That's up to Dan. They're not my fans," she laughed. "Well, some people are on Team Whiskers but still."

"I think you should," I said after eating my bite of amazing waffle. I had to start eating. The food was taunting me. "Make some epic video announcement."

Dan looked between the three of us then shrugged. "I don't know," he laughed. "They're going to find out, even if we don't say anything at all. We all know they have their ways. I'm not really as focused on them finding out as I am my parents," he smiled over at Cat. "By the way, I spoke to them this morning about visiting. I hope you're ready to meet them."

Cat's eyes got more massive than usual and she took a deep breath before laughing. "I'm not ready for any of that. Especially since you managed to get engaged to me before I met them."

"Good job, Dan," I laughed. "But I really don't think you have a thing to worry about, Cat. His parents are cool."

I started wondering about how my parents would react if I told them I was engaged. My Mum would probably have the wedding planned an hour from me telling her and also a blanket knitted for her first grandchild.

I looked over at Leila who still looked beyond excited. If she was that excited about Dan and Cat's engagement, I couldn't even imagine what she'd do if or when I asked her to marry me.

"Phil's right. My Mum will love you and my Dad will think you're awesome and love you as well. If anything they'll be mad at me for not introducing you sooner," he reassured her as he grabbed her hand.

"When are you taking her and when will you be back?" Leila asked, sounding like she might have been Cat's Mum.

"Tomorrow, and we'll only be gone for a couple of days." Dan picked his drink up and took a sip.

"As long as you two are back in time for New Year's eve," I grinned. "But I do want to hear updates on how the parental visit goes down."

"Can we do presents now?" Cat asked sounding super excited as she looked over at Dan.

"Of course," he grinned as he leaned in to press a kiss against her lips.

Cat let out a squeal and hopped up from the table and grabbed Leila's hand. "Come on Lele, you have to open what I got you!"

"No, you have to open mine first!" Leila protested as she grabbed the bag of presents and they went into the lounge.

"How about you open them at the same time?" Dan proposed, laughing as he stood up to join them. They seemed to agree with his idea and they both grabbed two wrapped gifts, which was weird enough without adding the fact that they both had one the same size.

"You have to open this one first," Leila told Cat as she handed her a very long cylinder shaped present.  
I walked in behind Dan and sat on the couch to watch the show. Seeing those two do much of anything together was hilarious.

"Okay. 1, 2, 3!" Cat counted down before they started ripping the paper off. They both discovered cardboard tubes that looked alike which confused them both because they had hilarious looks on their faces.

Leila got into her tube and Cat did soon after. They both poured rolled up posters out of their tubes and let them fall open at the same time.

"Oh. My. God," Cat laughed loudly. "Are you fucking kidding me?" she asked through a fit of giggles.

"That's fucking weird," Dan commented looking between them.

"Wow. Complete mindfuckery," Leila laughed and looked at Cat and then both of them swooped down at the same time to pick their posters up.

"Oh, holy shit!" Leila snorted as she eyed the poster. Dan and I were watching both of them, wondering what the hell was going on. Though before anyone could ask, Leila turned the poster around to show us.

It was a HUGE movie size poster of Leila and I engaging in our first 'almost-kiss' from when we'd first met - the word **PHOLDEMORT **written across the top of it with random screen captures from tumblr of the things my fans had said about her, both good and bad.

"Oh my God," I started laughing as I read all of the things written around it. "Cat, you are such a troll!"

"So is she!" Cat laughed as she turned her poster around to show me and I laughed even harder. It was Cat's mugshot blown up with FREE WHISKERS written on it.

"You two are insane," I managed to say through my laughter. I couldn't believe they'd both managed to get each other the same kind of gift.

Dan had been holding his stomach, laying on his side on the couch laughing the entire time and he finally composed himself enough to speak. "That is amazing," he said breathlessly as he forced himself to sit up. "This, Phil, this is why they're perfect for us," he looked up at me as he pointed over at them.

"I got you something else, too," Leila told Cat as she started rolling her poster back up to put it back into the tube. She sat it on the couch and exchanged it for a small box that had a ribbon wrapped around it.

"Ooo. What could this be?" Cat said as she shook the box around a bit. Before opening hers she crawled over to the tree and grabbed a box before coming back and handing it to Leila.

Cat pulled the ribbon off and popped the box open. "Oh my God," she said in an 'awwww this is so sweet' sort of way. I'd already seen the gift and knew she'd flip out. "Look, baby," she said to Dan as she pulled the silver bracelet out of the box. There were little charms hanging from it that represented certain things.

"Let's see," Cat said as she started looking at them. "We've got a little California charm, a camera charm, a newspaper, a British flag,  
a cat," she laughed about the cat one. "A little flame?" she looked up, confused. "OH!" she giggled. "Danisnotonfire! That was smart."

"Now you need a wedding dress one," I laughed.

"Truth," Cat giggled. "It's perfect and pretty scary. Really fucking scary, actually," she said as she started to put the bracelet on.

"Scary?" I asked, being nosy.

"You'll see," she laughed. "Open yours, Lele."

Leila unwrapped the box and pulled the top of it off and started laughing. "I am so done with everything," she shook her head and pulled something silver out of the box. It was a charm bracelet and it looked just like the one she'd gotten for Cat.

"There's a book. Aww," she glanced up at Cat before moving the bracelet to look at the rest of the charms. "A California. So weird. A typewriter. A lion! Awww!" she looked up again. "Big Ben, and the Eiffel Tower! Cat! I love it!" she squealed and started putting it on her wrist where the bracelet I'd gotten her was.

"You two are bloody scary," Dan said seriously. "What the hell was that?"

"Oh, this isn't the first time it's happened," Cat laughed. "Last year I got Leila a Phil shirt and she got me a Dan shirt and none of it was planned."

"I think you two were secretly separated at birth or something. It's not normal," I laughed.

"I have a gift for you too, Phil!" Cat said as she crawled over to the tree. She picked up a box and came over to me and sat it on my lap.

"Should I be afraid?" I joked as I pulled the paper off of the box.

"Probably," she grinned.

I opened the box after the paper was off to find the Philosoraptor t-shirt I'd been wanting for ages. "Oh my God, Cat!" I laughed as I pulled it out of the box. "I've been wanting this so badly!"

"Yay!" she clapped her hands. "I hoped you would like it."

"I've been wanting it for ages. Because of you and Leila I've now got like the coolest wardrobe ever," I laughed. "Thanks, Cat."

"You're welcome, Philertons," she said as she leaned over and hugged me.

"Your turn, Dan!" Leila announced as she handed Dan his gift.

Dan raised a brow at her before taking it. "I'm wondering if I should be afraid now," he laughed.

"No. I'm saving all of my trolling until after new years," she laughed. "Open it!"

Dan started pulling the paper off of it. "Is that Justin Bieber?" he laughed. "Oh, my God," he said once he had it all the way unwrapped. He moved it around in his palm, looking at what she'd gotten him. Which was a personalized Rubik's cube that had pictures of, "Justin Bieber, Slenderman, a llama, one direction, Delia Smith.. and is that a fucking placenta?" he blurted out, laughing again.

"It is," Leila laughed with him.

"Wow, this is awesome. Seriously," Dan told her. "Thanks, Leila."

"You're welcome, Dan."

"The one I got you is under the tree," he told her as he got up. Wow, he was actually not being lazy. He should get engaged more often.

Dan grabbed the last two things that were there and handed one to Leila and one to me. Leila unwrapped hers and looked very confused before she started laughing. "This is perfect!" she said as she held it up so I could see it. It was one of those signs that you hang on a doorknob that said 'GO AWAY DAN!'

"I thought that'd you like it. This way, I probably won't walk in on you two a third time."

"God, I hope it works," I laughed as I cringed inside at the thought of Dan walking in on us. I picked up the last two gifts I'd brought and handed one to Cat and one to Dan before opening the one Dan had give me.

"Bloody hell," I laughed as I opened the box and saw what was inside. "Oh my God, this is weird." I pulled the gift out of the box. It was a yellow hoodie, but it wasn't a normal one. On the hood there were long ear-looking things hanging off of it with black tips and big black eyes and a mouth that made up Pikachu's face. He got me a bloody Pikachu hoodie.

"Thank you, Dan," I said as I looked at it. I'd always wanted one. "I cannot wait to wear this. Seriously."

"That is so fucking cute. I almost stole it for myself," Cat laughed as she sat down next to Dan. "Open yours, baby," she said as she nudged him.

"What?!" Dan laughed as he pulled the present I'd gotten him out of the box. "Oh, my God," he held it up and looked over at me shaking his head. He was probably a bit weirded out, because I had gotten him a Jigglypuff hoodie, which was a gift inspired by the fact that Cat always walked around singing 'Jigglypuff' then talking about how cute Dan sounded when he sang it on some video or something she had seen online.

"I have no words for the four of us," Leila shook her head as she sat down on the arm of the couch. "They're both so cute though! The hoodies, well, and you two."

"I'm so terrified of us right now though!" I said as I held up my hoody and shook it around. "We are so scary. It's like we have some sort of psychic link going on."

"We totally do," Cat laughed. "It's serious business."

"Open your gift, Cat!" I motioned towards the present on her lap.

"Oh shit! I forgot it was sitting there," she laughed as she picked it up. "Ooo a Phil gift. What could it be?" she asked as she began pulling the paper off of it. She gasped when she opened the box and put her hands over her heart. "Awww, Phil!" she said as she picked up the picture frame.

I'd lurked tumblr and found screen caps of when she attacked me on the live show and was hugging me and also one of us looking normal sitting on the couch playing Mario Kart together and framed them. "Well, you have photos of you and Dan and you and Leila so I thought you needed some of us," I told her as she looked it over.

"You are so damn sweet!" she said as she got up off of the couch and walked over to me. She gave me a big hug and smiled down at me. "I'm very happy to have an awesome best friend with a penis. I love this. Thank you."

She walked over to the shelf where her rather large collection of photos of her and her friends and family were and sat it on it. "There. Perfect."

"I feel special," I pretended to wipe a tear and laughed.

We all sat there admiring our gifts from each other for a while. Dan and Cat were cuddled up on the couch looking like the happiest couple I'd ever seen.

Leila was admiring her bracelet while fiddling with her locket I'd bought her. She caught me staring and glanced over at me with that beautiful smile of hers. She whispered, "I love you," and of course I said it back.

I felt like I was having another movie moment where someone realizes how amazing his or her life really is. Our lives truly were amazing and we had two crazy american girls to thank for it.

Oh, how I love Christmas.


	33. Ass Dimples

Leila's POV

I walked out of the building and onto the busy Manhattan street where I literally started skipping down the sidewalk because I was so excited.

I should probably explain why I'm in New York, yeah? It's new year's eve's eve and Phil, Cat, Dan, and I came here to watch the ball drop on new year's.

Well, that's half of the reason we came, the other, secret - half was that I'd set up a meeting with Jonathan, my publisher so I could pitch him the plot for my new book and hand over a summary of it in exchange for a check with several trailing zeros.

That's not the entire reason I was so happy. I mean, the money is great, don't get me wrong; but the fact that it meant that I would be able to _stay _in London with my best friends and the love of my life made me so blissfully content that I could probably write a novel about it in detail.

I felt like I was going to explode with rainbows and glitter and smiley faces; I couldn't wait to tell everyone the news. I knew they were going to be surprised because none of them even knew I had started on another book. Well, Phil kind of knew, because I had mentioned it a few weeks back, but we hadn't talked about it at all since, and no one knew about the meeting I had just left.

I snuck out of bed before Phil woke up that morning and left a note saying I'd gone out shopping for a new pair of heels. Or was it a new handbag? I can't remember and it doesn't really matter anyways. I sent him a text asking him to grab Cat and Dan and to meet me at Bella Napoli, really fancy restaurant I'd passed on my way to the meeting this morning, for lunch, and unknown to him, to celebrate.

It didn't take me very long at all to get to the restaurant because I was speed walking. I really just wanted to tell everyone the news, but I had beaten them there, so I was going to have to wait even longer to tell them.

The host took me to the table I'd reserved for the four of us and I instantly felt very out of place. Maybe I should have just picked up a bottle of tequila and grabbed some Taco Bell or something...

"Ms. Faust, my name is Thomas and I'll be your waiter this afternoon," an elderly man told me as he sat a wineglass of water in front of me. At least I thought it was water. "Can I start you off with anything while you wait for your guests?"

"No, no. I can wait until they get here," I smiled as I shrugged out of my coat. "I would like a bottle of red wine though, but you don't have to rush or anything, it might take them while."

"Very well then," he grinned then started placing menus around the table. "If you need anything at all don't hesitate to ask," he said then walked away.

I looked down at my phone to check the time when I felt a pair of eyes on me and I looked up with a big smile because I thought it was Phil; but it wasn't. It was some guy a few tables over eyeing me like I was a prime rib that he was about to devour. I shifted my eyes uncomfortably and looked back down at my phone, pretending to be busy with a text when out of the corner of my eye I saw him walking towards my table.

Please be going to the table next to mine. _Please. _

"Excuse me," he spoke up, forcing my good manners to kick me in the ass because it's rude to ignore someone who is talking to you. "But you're - you're Leila Faust, right?" he asked. Now that I was looking at him up close I saw that he looked like a Ken doll; which is probably very attractive to anyone but me. He also looked like he was in his 30s.

"I am," I smiled again. It was still so weird when people recognized me like this because I certainly didn't feel like I was the kind of person that a lot of people knew about.

"I'm Bradley Greene," he introduced as he extended his hand. "I'm sorry to bother you, but I noticed you and I couldn't stop myself from coming over and saying hello."

"It's nice to meet you, Bradley and don't worry about it, it's fine." I told him as I shook his hand.

"I'm sure you're expecting company but do you mind if I have a seat? I would love to talk to you about your work."

"Uh, sure, go ahead," I responded and he sat down in front of me. It couldn't hurt anything to talk to him.

"So I'm curious," he began, shooting me a smile. "How did you put yourself into Wilde's mindset for your book? You're a very young lady, a very beautiful one at that. You had me convinced that you were a man named Leila until I read your interview in People and saw pictures of you for myself," he laughed.

What?

"Uhh.. Wine. Lots of it," I responded with a light chuckle. I'm not sure what it was about him that made me feel so uncomfortable.

Oh wait, yes I do. It was the way he was looking at me.

"You're funny as well," he grinned a creepy grin at me. I felt like he was undressing me with his eyes. I did not like his vibe at all. "I couldn't help but notice how you didn't mention any love interests in your interview though."

I took a sip of my water and cleared my throat. "They didn't ask," I told him, still being kind. "If they had, I would have told them all about my boyfriend."

There, maybe that would get him to step the fuck off.

He raised his eyebrows but otherwise didn't look phased. "Of course you have a boyfriend. I'd be shocked if a woman with your talent and appearance didn't. I'm curious... Why isn't he with you now? If I were yours-" he stopped himself and grinned. "I would be proud to be on your arm."

Oh Jesus Christ.

Who was this guy? McKenzie's dad?

"He's on his way to meet me now, actually. I had a meeting this morning. I'm sure he would have gone with me, but I didn't want to bore him with it," I told him

"Damn," he sighed. "I was hoping I'd get to spend a bit more time with you. It's rare I get to be in the presence of such a talented and sexy woman."

"Hmm," I forced myself to laugh. "I can't imagine why not, with your.." Quagmire looking jawline and creepy stare. "Manners and awe-inspiring compliments." Oh God, I'm so fake sometimes.

I didn't notice it until then, probably because I was so focused on choking back vomit, but Phil was standing at the corner of the table with his eyes on us. I sighed happily, excited to see him for numerous reasons at that point. "Babe! You made it!" I smiled. "Where's Cat and Dan?" I asked, leaning over so I could look around him, but I didn't see them behind him.

Phil was staring at the creepy guy like he wanted to shoot him in the face with a harpoon. "They couldn't make it," he turned to look at me and finally smiled. "They are all the way across the city. Apparently they were sight seeing and took a wrong bus." He looked back over at the creepy guy who was watching us. "Who is your friend?" he asked.

"Bradley Greene," he said as he stood up and extended his hand. Phil was hesitant but shook it. "Nice to meet you. I was just having a little chat with Leila about her book. You're a lucky guy."

"That I am," Phil replied.

"Well, I'll leave you two to it then," Bradley said as he dropped a card onto the table by my glass. "There's my card. I'd love to hear from you some time." The guy had the nerve to actually wink at me before walking away.

"What the hell was that?" Phil asked, motioning towards the creeper as he walked away. "He was practically eye fucking you and I don't like how he was talking to you either."

"That makes two of us," I said as I picked his card up off of the table and started to rip it to pieces. "I don't know... He came up to me after I'd gotten here and he said he wanted to talk to me about my book. I had no idea he was going to be so weird," I shrugged, not wanting to relive it. "Anyways, you said they couldn't make it? Damn it!" I sighed. I really wanted to tell him the news, but I promised myself I wouldn't do it until we were all together. "Any idea of when they're going to be back this way?" I asked .

"No clue," he said as he sat down where Bradley had been sitting. "They just said they couldn't make it," he sighed as he pulled his phone out of his pocket and sat it on the table. He was agitated and it was obvious. "I'm guessing shopping didn't go well?" he asked, obviously noticing I had no bags.

Shit.

"No, I couldn't find the bag that I wanted. They were sold out," I lied. "Are you okay though, you seem.. annoyed." That was an understatement, he was definitely annoyed.

He raised an eyebrow. "You said you were shopping for shoes and yes, I am annoyed. I walked up and heard a few words in that conversation you were having with Mr. Greene. I'm sure you wouldn't like hearing me having a conversation like that with someone."

Damn it. I knew the note I left said shoes. Why didn't I just say shoes?

I sighed quietly and shifted my eyes. I could understand why what he heard would annoy him. I probably would have already tried punching someone if I heard them talking to Phil the way that guy was talking to me.

"You're right, I wouldn't," I told him as I reached out to grab his hand. "He was being weird but I didn't want to be rude to him. Well, I did, but I felt like I shouldn't have been. I was behaving myelf," I laughed lightly.

His expression relaxed a bit and he rubbed my hand with his thumb. "Then, why did you lie to me about what you were shopping for? Is something going on?"

Damn it.

"Nothing," I shook my head quickly. "Nothing is going on. I was looking for both. Shoes and a bag. You know how spacy my mind is sometimes," I laughed. "I couldn't find any shoes I liked."

I couldn't find any shoes I liked?  
Jesus on a boat, Leila, you are a writer, you make shit up for a living yet you can't tell a lie? Or better yet, remember the lies you tell?

He finally smiled what seemed to be a real smile. "Sorry. That guy just rubbed me the wrong way and I'm still a bit jet lagged, I think," he said right before yawning. "Let's get some food. I'm starving."

"Well you're cute when you're jet lagged," I grinned at him, happy to see that he was smiling. "I ordered wine, but I think I'll cancel it because I thought Cat and Dan were going to be here to help us drink it. I was expecting to celebrate-" oh fuck. Way to tell on yourself, Leila.

Wait, I've got this.

"Their engagement, I mean," I laughed. "Since we never got to actually do that," I nodded. Oh God, I'm a horrible liar. My face told on me, as if the way I was stumbling over my words didn't.

"We can celebrate with them tonight," he said as he reached over to pick up a menu. "If they ever figure out how to get back to us," he laughed and shook his head.

"We may have to send out a search party... Actually, I'm going to call Cat, just to make sure they're okay," I smiled and picked up my phone, moving to stand up. "Our waiter's name is Thomas. If he comes back before I do tell him I'll have whatever you're having, okay?" I said then bent down to kiss his cheek.

I put the phone against my ear as I headed towards the bathroom.

Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring.

"What it do baby boo?" Cat answered, giggling.

"Oh thank God," I sighed as I pushed open the bathroom door. "I was worried that you two had gotten mugged or something. Did you ever find your way back to this side of the city?" I asked, pushing open a stall.

"Um, not yet," she answered and sounded odd. "Dan and I have found this awesome little antique um area...place. What are you up to?"

"Antique area place?" I laughed. "I'm popping a squat in a fancy bathroom. I think this toilet bowl is gold plated... anyways, I was hoping you two would be able to meet us for lunch, but obviously you're busy with the antique area place. When do you think you'll be back?"

"OW! Daniel, my ass is delicate!" she yelled out of nowhere. "Little fucker pinched my bum," she grumbled. "Yeah, we were a fail together on getting back in time. I'm sorry, Lele."

I held the phone away from my face and sighed loudly as I walked out of the stall again. "It's okay. I just wanted to see you guys," I responded. "Uh, what time did you say you would be back? I kind of have-"

The sound of Dan laughing and squealing got really loud and I sighed to myself. "Is this a bad time?" I laughed, because I could hear him begging her for mercy in the background.

"I have a death grip on his hand because he won't stop groping me," she informed me while laughing. "We should be back in a couple of hours? Do you have any plans for later?"

Whew, a couple of hours. I might go crazy in the meantime, but I'm sure I could keep my mouth shut about the news for that long. "No, none. I just want to see you and Dan. That's all I have on my agenda," I laughed.

"You just wanna oogle our goodies, you dirty pervie," she spoke in a sexual, weird way. "We'll make sure we bring the handcuffs and waffle flavored lube."

I cackled as I made my way out of the bathroom again. "Sounds like a date. I'll let Phil know and he can send for his cactus and we'll just make a night out of it," I laughed at myself. "Anyways, I'll see you later. Please don't get murdered."

After I hung up with Cat I made my way back to the table and sat down to see that the menus were gone. Yay, food. I was starving.

"They're still alive," I told him as I picked my glass up to take a sip of my water. "They should be back in a few hours... So what did you order us? Waffles?" I laughed.

"Burgers and fries," he answered flatly while looking down at his phone. "So, Cat and Dan were doing well?" he glanced up at me. "I would've said hello if you hadn't felt the need to walk off to call her."

"I had to pee. I'm sorry, I didn't know I wasn't allowed to do that," I replied, laughing, but it was obviously sarcastic. What the hell was his problem today?

"I-" I felt my phone vibrating on the table and looked down to see that Jonathan was calling me.

Damn it.

I contemplated getting up to take the call, but I didn't think that would sit well with Phil, so I remained at the table.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Hey Leila, it's Jonathan. I was calling to let you know that you left your umm.. I don't know what the hell this thing is, but you left it in my office when you stopped by this morning."

I looked down at myself only then noticing that my scarf was missing. "Oh, my scarf? I didn't even notice that I didn't have it," I laughed. "Um, you know what? It's not a big deal, I don't need it," I told him.

"Are you sure? I'll be in the office for a few more hours if you want to stop by and get it."

"No, it's fine. Maybe tomorrow?"

"Uh... sure. Whatever works best for you. Hey, are you out celebrating and enjoying that nice chunk of change you've got in your pocket?"

"Not yet, no. Hey, right now isn't a good time. Can I call you back later? I'm out with my boyfriend."

"Oh, yeah, of course. I'll talk to you later, Leila."

"Bye," I said then hung up the phone

Phil was rubbing his temple and looking down at the table. "Alright. You said you were shopping but you left your scarf with someone, I walked over here to see you with some weird guy who was hitting on you, you suddenly need to take calls from Cat away from me. The list goes on."

"What are you insinuating, Phil?" I asked flatly, looking at him like he was an idiot, because right now, he was being a big one. "Go on, I'd love to hear it," I waved my hand, motioning for him to continue.

I had an idea of what was going through his head but I wanted to hear him say it; or maybe I just wanted to see if he actually would say it.

"I'm saying that you're being really bloody shady, Leila. You can't sit there and deny it either. You know it doesn't exactly look great."

"Right, because I took that phone call in front of you when I could have easily gotten up and walked into the bathroom again," I shook my head and sighed loudly. From the corner of my eye I could see a few people staring at us, because both of us had raised our voices a bit.

So maybe it didn't look good - but I was mad and I wasn't about to admit that.

He rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Of course, I'm wrong. So sorry I bothered."

The waitress walked up with our food and Phil forced a smile at her. "May I have a to go box please?"

"Of course," she smiled at him before walking away.

He leaned up a bit to pull his wallet out of his pocket and then pulled out his debit card in order to pay for the food. "I'm going to the room to have my lunch and take a nap. Perhaps I'll stop noticing completely obvious shady happenings involving my girlfriend after I've done that."

"Oh screw you," I said loudly, not caring who heard me. It came out before I could stop it and I regretted it instantly, but I was mad, and he was only making me more angry. "Enjoy your nap and your lunch, I'll be out finding sun, since I'm so shady," I grabbed my coat and started putting it on, ready to get up and leave.

"Wonderful example of maturity there, Leila. Don't try to explain yourself at all. Just pretend like it was all normal and I'm crazy or something," he said as he put his debit card away and threw entirely too much cash for the meal onto the table. He pushed his chair back and stood up. "Have a great day, sweetheart," he said in a scarily angry, low voice as he turned and began walking out of the restaurant with people staring at him the entire time.

I stared in his direction even after he was gone and I felt sick. We'd never had a fight that didn't get resolved within minutes of it happening, and he'd never looked at me or talked to me like that before. Suddenly how angry I had been didn't matter and all I could be was sad that he had literally walked away from me.

The longer I sat there and the more I thought about it, the worse I felt. I started blaming myself for what had happened but it wasn't just my fault. He was acting like an idiot. A jealous idiot.

And HE was the one who was trying to leave in the first place, Mr. Can-I-Have-A-To-Go-Box.

Which the waitress brought and I asked for a second so I could take the food I had no intention of eating and get out of there so I could either scream or start crying. Probably both. The longer I let all of that simmer, the more mad I started making myself. Which sucked, because I'd never been mad at him. Not like this.

How did the day that was supposed to be so amazing turn into such a trainwreck? We were supposed to be laughing and throwing back wine and going back to our hotel room to have celebratory sex over the fact that I got to stay in London. Not fighting.

I decided that it would probably be best if I blew off steam before I actually went back to our hotel so I asked Siri where the nearest petshop was and walked there to look at the puppies.

By the time I left I wasn't mad anymore, just a little broken hearted for the animals that were caged up that I couldn't take home with me. Cat called me a couple of times but I didn't answer the phone; so then she had Dan call me and again, I didn't answer. I didn't want to talk to anyone.

Had they just come to lunch, none of this wouldn't have happened.

No, I'm not blaming them for our fight. That was mine and Phil's fault.

I just don't think we would have fought had they been there. I wouldn't have had to lie to Phil all of those times about shopping for shoes and handbags. I mean, I don't think he would have cared that I had lied to surprise him with the news I had.

But now? I don't think he would even care about the fact that I would get to stay in London with him. He probably didn't want me to.

That thought was heartbreaking.

I loved him. I'd lost him once and I couldn't let it happen again. I was miserable without him.

My pride probably wasn't happy about my decision to go apologize, but I had to. I had to fix all of this.

I took several deep breathes as I stood outside of our hotel room with my keycard in my hand. I wanted to just run away because I wasn't mad now, and if he was as mean as he had been early, I knew it would reduce me to tears.

But I didn't run away. Instead, I slid the card into the slot and pushed the door open.

I put the food down on the table and the first thing I noticed were a big bouquet of flowers sitting in a really big vase.

Did he get those for me?

Well who the hell else would have?

"Phil?" I called out as I moved around the same suite that Cat and I had stayed in the last time we were in New York. Back when knowing Phil was a fangirl dream I often dreamt.

"Dear Leila," I heard Phil's voice and turned to see him walking out of the bathroom holding a small card. "I can't wait to see you tonight. Get ready to bend over and let me admire that ass dimple of yours. XOXO."

He looked up at me from the card and I was sure I'd never seen so much anger and hurt in his eyes. "This came in your lovely bouquet of flowers," he informed me as he slipped the card back into it's spot in them.

"Who sent them?" I blurted out, looking from Phil to the flowers. I moved back towards the table and pulled the card out but there was no name, no nothing. I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach and I'm pretty sure I was as white as the carpet as I turned back to face him again.

"Probably the lovely ," Phil said as he sat down on the bed. "Or it could be Mr. Barnes. How should I know?" he shrugged, looking and sounding nonchalant.

"Really?" I asked in defeat, letting my arms fall to my sides. "That's what you think?" I shook my head at him and shifted my eyes around the room. "You're an ass. I can't believe I came back here to apologize to you," I laughed dryly. "I'm glad you think so low of me, Phil. Thank you for that. It's much appreciated. Who knows, maybe they went 50-50 on the flowers and they're trying to make a Leila sandwich? Hmm? That sounds delicious!" I laughed again, moving around the bed to where my luggage was sitting.

I wasn't really sure what I was doing with it. I think I was more or less trying to look busy, or do something with my hands to keep myself from royaly freaking the fuck out on him.

"How the fuck am I an ass here?" he asked, his voice raised. "Think about today, Leila. Everything that happened earlier and now the flowers with that pleasant little note. Now, put yourself in my shoes. Would you just kiss me and be like oh it's no big deal. I doubt it. So back the fuck up with the name calling."

"Why should I?" I slammed the top of my suitcase shut and looked at him. My hands were shaking, my heart was pounding and my mouth was drying. "You're more or less calling me a slut!" I shouted at him. "So I'll call you whatever the fuck I want to call you. I've got another name for you. Dickhead!"

He laughed loudly but there was no humor behind it. "Do you realize that not once have you tried to explain yourself?" he yelled. "All you've done is turn it around on me. Everything that's been brought up today has been switched around to me being some sort of asshole. Well, if loving someone so fucking much that seeing something like that," he pointed towards the flowers, "literally makes me vomit especially after seeing her with some weirdo and then being lied to makes me an ass and a dickhead then I guess I'm both."

"When did you ever ask me to explain myself?!" I raised my voice even louder. "Oh you didn't! You got pissed off and left in some blind rage, Phil! And then... And then, you start making fucked up assumptions-" I heard a knock at the door through my screaming fit. "Fuck!" I screamed and stomped towards it.

I swung the door open to see Cat and Dan standing in front of me, both of them dolled up. "Right now is not a good time," I snapped, not really able to control my temper.

"Uhhh. What's going on, Leila?" Cat asked, stepping towards me.

"Yes, Leila. What is going on?" Phil asked from behind me. "Why exactly can't you say anything that makes any fucking sense today and why are there flowers with a card in them talking about your ass dimple?"

Cat's eyes got wide and she immediately backed up a bit. "Uh oh." She looked over at Dan who was standing there with his hand over his mouth as he stared at me. "Um. Those flowers were from us," she said quietly, glancing past me at Phil.

I think, for the first time since knowing her, I actually felt a slightly negative emotion towards her. I know that she would never do anything to screw with our relationship, but those flowers had Phil thinking that I was literally screwing around on him.

I didn't say anything to Cat though, I just looked away from her.

My eyes drifted toward Phil and I started shaking my head at him. "Well I bet you're glad to know who your slutty girlfriend is fucking around on you with!" I smiled.

"Oh my God." Cat blurted out, sounding shocked. "Are ya'll seriously in a fight over this? We figured you'd think it was some creepy Phans fucking with you guys or something. It was our attempt at payback for the epic trolling."

"It backfired," Phil informed them, standing next to me now. "Seriously backfired. That was a stupid way to get back at us and I cannot believe you two would do something like this," he said harshly before stepping in front of me and slamming the door in their faces.

He just stood there facing the door for a few seconds. I was in shock that he'd just done that.

"How many times am I going to let something stupid nearly end this relationship?" he asked, his voice quite low. I wasn't sure if he was talking to me or himself.

"I don't know. Perhaps we should start tallying it?" I shrugged before folding my arms. I was still mad, but watching that cooled me off quite a bit. "And as far as explaining myself goes, I might as well do that now," I nodded, still smiling sarcastically, though it was weaker now.

"I lied about shopping because I had a meeting with my publisher this morning. He agreed to publish my new book and gave me a very big advance, which means, or meant, that I could stay in London, with you. I was trying to wait so I could tell everyone at once and so we could all celebrate together. That's where I left my scarf too, by the way. In his office. I never expected for things to get this..." I sighed and shook my head. "I didn't see today going the way it did. At all."

He rubbed the side of his face as he walked over to me. Without warning he wrapped his arms around me and held me tightly. He nuzzled his face against my neck. "I'm sorry for being a total ass." I felt his lips press against the spot below my ear before he pulled back to look down at me. "It's just-" he sighed "all of that looked horrible and I'm so fucking scared of you figuring out that you could do so much better than me. I know that sounds like some sob story to make you stop being angry. I'm not trying to make you stop because you deserve to be angry. I aided in ruining what should've been a wonderful day for you and I'm so, so sorry."

He had a point. He'd had the same point all day, but I had been far too angry to actually own up to it. It _did _look horrible. Every bit of it, and sure, he shouldn't have jumped to conclusions, but what kind of hypocrite would I have been to stay angry based on that alone? Remember the Valentine's day video? I jumped to the horrific assumption that he was screwing Dan, and didn't even get mad. At all. He went straight to me and tried to explain the misunderstanding.

And, most importantly, I loved him. I didn't like his assumptions or the things we had said to me, but how often did things like this happen between us?

Hardly ever.

What would continuing this fight do for either of us? Make us say even more terrible things we would regret no sooner than they left our mouths? Make us yell at each other a bit more?

That's not what I wanted and I know that's not what he wanted. We were in love with each other - and this was my sweet, kind, loving Phil. He doesn't fight. He doesn't even get mad. Despite everything, he was still that guy, and this wasn't normal behavior.. for either of us.

"It did look bad," I nodded, then sighed as I uncrossed my arms from my chest. "But I need you to hear me when I say this Phil, and I need you to believe it as much as I do." I brought my hand up to his face, cupping his cheek and he nuzzled against my palm. "There's no such thing as someone who is better than you, and there never will be. You're _my _kind of perfect. I don't want anyone else. I love you. I'm _in _love with _you. _I wish you could see yourself like I see you, maybe then you would understand... It hurt, a lot, you thinking that I could actually betray you..." I took in a deep breath as I shook my head. "I didn't help matters today, I know that I didn't, but I came back here because I wanted to fix what had happened. I don't want to lose you, and I don't want you to even think that I would ever want to.. I don't want to fight with you... No matter what you said to me, it took both of us for this to happen, and I'm sorry, okay?"

"You are never going to lose me unless you don't want me," he said as he brought his hands up to cup my face. "I was an idiot today. We both weren't exactly the greatest at handling anything that went on." He pressed his forehead against mine and rubbed his nose against mine. "I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry I keep doing stupid things like this." He pulled back to look down at me. "I won't assume anymore. I promise. I don't care how bad it looks."

He pulled me closer to him and pressed his lips against mine. "Congratulations, by the way," he grinned against my lips before pulling away again. "I'm so proud of you. My amazing writer girlfriend."

"If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have a second book," I told him quietly, my lips lingers over his. "My muse," I whispered, grinning involuntarily as I wrapped my arms around him, kissing him softly.

This felt right. Being in his arms. There was no place I would rather be. It suddenly felt like none of the bad stuff even happened.

"Mmm. Now, that's an ego boost," he laughed as his hands roamed down my back. "Question. Do you think anyone has ever had make-up/celebration sex?"

"Hmmm," I slid my hands to his sides as I tilted my head. "I don't know but that sounds like an adventure I want to go on," I said before kissing him again. "But I'm so hungry," I laughed, resting my forehead against his. I thought all of my shakiness was because my nerves were shot, but now that I was calm I realized it was also because I was starving.

Phil pulled back to look at me and he stared at me for a long time before speaking. "I love you," he told me as he brushed my hair behind my ear then trailed his thumb across my jawline to my chin. "Let's go eat," he finally spoke up again as he grabbed my hand.

We went to the hotel's restaurant and did a lot of talking about what happened. I could tell that he still felt bad about what he had accused me of even after I told him that it was okay and that I understood why he freaked out. Hello, I am the queen of freaking out and blind jealous rage. It's not something I'm proud of, but it's who I am.

Phil and I are like territorial cats.. only we don't piss on each other. We just don't like to feel threatened that we might lose what's ours.

Fighting sucks, but it proves that there's passion. I mean, how could you love someone and be passive about something that bothers you? That's not the kind of relationship that I want.

Once we had the serious conversation taken care of we both agreed that it was time to celebrate the fact that I was staying in London.

STAYING IN LONDON. WITH PHIL!

And Cat. And Dan. Who I tried to drunk dial but they had their phones off. So of course we left very dramatic voice messages telling both of them how much we loved them.

Oh yeah, we were very, very drunk. It probably sounds like we drink a lot - but we really don't. Only on special occasions, and I think that this was a very special occasion.

It was well after midnight when we stumbled out of the restaurant and into the lobby of the hotel where the elevators were located.

My boyfriend had had way too much Tequila - I knew this because his arms were wrapped around me from behind and he was kissing my neck in front of everyone in the lobby, and that's not something sober Phil did.

"I can't wait until we're back in our room," he whispered against my ear before biting at my earlobe. "I can't wait to taste you," his hand slid down my hip and - oh my God he was about to fondle me in front of an old lady who was waiting beside us for the elevator to come back down.

I grabbed his hand and laced my fingers through his to stop him, because if I didn't his hand was going to go under my dress.

That seemed to snap him out of it a bit because I felt his lips leave my neck and his head shift on my shoulder. "Where the hell is the lift!" he groaned, which caused the old lady to scoff and glare at us.

"Maybe we should take the stairs," I said as I tilted my head back to look at him.

He didn't say anything, he just grinned at me and started towards the door to the stairwell, dragging me behind him.

As soon as we were inside of it my back was forced against a wall and he was kissing me deeply, his hands sliding down my sides and to the hem of my dress, pushing the fabric up as his lips moved to my neck again.

"Phil," I laughed, moving my hands to his shoulders. "Baby, the sooner we get up those stairs, the sooner we can do whatever we want," I bribed him.

He reluctantly stopped what he was doing and looked down at me, grinning again. "Sorry, I just can't help myself," he said, but then went right back to kissing the side of my neck.

"Don't be sorry," I arched my back and bit my lip to keep from moaning. I had amazing self control, because telling him to stop was the last thing I wanted to do.

I moved out of his grasp and quickly went up the first couple of stairs, though when I didn't hear his footsteps behind me I stopped and looked over my shoulder to see him pouting at me looking heartbroken.

Awww.

"What are you waiting for?" I smiled at him. "If you hurry you'll get a better view of this," I said as I pulled the back of my dress up, flashing up a shot of my ass.

He nearly tripped over the first step with how fast he started to go up them; I made the mistake of waiting for him and before we could start on the next flight, my back was against the wall again and his hands were all over me.

This happened for about five flights, him chasing me, catching me, then forcing me against a wall to kiss me.

We had to make it to the 11th floor...

This was going to take a while.

We made it up a couple more before he stopped me again.

"I just wanted to tell you that I'm happy you're going to stay in London with me," he whispered against my lips.

I moved away from him before he could kiss me because my self control was almost gone - however he grabbed my hand and pulled me back towards him. "Where are you going?" he whispered from behind me, his lips against my ear.

"You said you wanted to go on an adventure earlier. Let me take you on one." His hand moved from my hip, down my leg and under my dress and there were no objections now.

I can't. I am 700% done.

He slid his hand down into my panties and his fingertips pressed against my clit as he gently nipped at my neck.

I arched my back against him and my head fell back against his chest. Oh my glob. Phil is so fucking hot.

His free hand cupped against my chest and he massaged my tit through my dress and pressed his fingertips harder against my pussy. "You're so wet," he purred against my ear. "I want to feel you."

Did he HAVE to talk to me like that? I was about to cum just from the sound of his voice.

He moved his hand out of my panties and spun me around so that I was facing him and my back was against the wall, simultaneously ripping my underwear off of my hips.

And there we have it, the second pair that he has literally destroyed.

I didn't waste a second to start attacking him. I sucked his bottom lip between mine before parting my lips to kiss him as my hands tugged at his belt because that shit had to fucking go.

His pants slid down a bit exposing his bulge and I tugged his briefs off of it before grasping it.

Phil moved his hands under my dress, placing them on my ass before lifting me up off of the ground and pinning me between his hips and the wall behind me.

He broke away from the kiss and watched me as he slid his cock into my pussy. I moaned loudly until his lips were against mine again, his hips swaying into me.

"You feel so fucking good," he growled against my lips before moving his head to kiss my neck. I tightened my grip on his shoulders and I'm pretty sure I was leaving claw marks through his shirt.

However both of our bodies froze in place as the sound of a door opening echoed against the empty stairwell.

Oh holy shit.

We looked at each other with wide eyes, not moving at all until the sound of it closing rang through the deserted corridor.

We continued to look at each other for about three seconds before we both went in for another kiss, his hips grinding against mine once more like that didn't just happen.

All of this was so incredibly hot. The way he felt inside of me, the way he was moving against me, the way he was kissing me, touching me, growling against my ear, my neck, my throat, the way his hands were squeezing my ass with every pleasureful thrust. The fact that someone could walk in on us at any given second - the fact that someone had just walked in on us. The fact that we were so caught up in what we were doing and that the attraction between us was still so strong that neither of us cared...

Our bodies moved together in ways I couldn't explain. It was like we were magnetized or something. Perfect for each other in every way possible.

It didn't take long for me to start cumming; and once I started, I didn't stop. At all.

"Damn, Leila," Phil panted against my neck. I knew he could feel what he was doing to me. "You're so fucking hot... Cum again for me, baby." He whispered then pulled away to watch me.

As if on cue, another orgasm hit me and I was grabbing onto his shirt so tightly that I felt the fabric rip beneath my hands and I let out a very, very loud moan. One that he didn't silence by kissing me; instead he watched me, his eyes locked with mine and his hips hit against mine one last time.

My head hit the wall behind me while his fell onto my shoulder, his hips still moving slowly until they stopped altogether.

"You're amazing," he said breathlessly as he lifted his head to look at me.

I opened my eyes and looked down at him, shaking my head. "You're the one who makes me this way," I grinned, still panting. "But I think you might have to carry me. I'm not sure I can walk now," I laughed. My legs felt like jelly.

"I don't know if I can even carry myself," he laughed as he moved in for another kiss. "Make up/celebration/stair sex has to be on my favorite list for sure."

The next few moments were spent with us stumbling around trying to make our clothes look decent while still drunk and wobbly from the after orgasm jelliness.

Once we were decent, Phil looked up at the remaining flights of stairs. "Three more. Do you think we can handle it or should we just take a power nap and try later?"

Laughing, I grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the door. "I think we've gotten enough of a workout," I said then pushed the door open and stepped onto the carpeted floor, looking around for the elevators, but I stopped abruptly, turned around and threw myself at him, kissing him like he had done me the entire time I tried to get him up the stairs. "Sorry, I had a random urge," I laughed then let go of him and turned around again.

I heard him clear his throat behind me before his hand grabbed mine. "In all of my life I don't think my penis has ever been so bloody alert," he said as he adjusted his crotch. "Uh. By the way, we just forgot to use a condom. Again."

I stopped again, looking up at him as I facepalmed myself. "Oh fuck... Wait-" I started laughing at myself and I'm sure he thought that I was insane. "I was going to surprise you, and I guess I still kind of get to? Cat and I went and got the shot a couple of days before Christmas. We're good, and even if we're not, I'm too drunk and happy to care."

He stopped walking abruptly which made me come to a halt as well. "Seriously?" he was grinning like he was about to do something naughty. "That's like an after Christmas Christmas present," he said as he pulled me roughly against his body. "I hope you're not tired because I don't plan on letting you sleep any time soon this evening, Ms. Faust."

I pressed the up arrow on the elevator and the doors chimed open right after. "Oh, I'm ready for round two," I smirked, grabbing the front of his shirt as I pulled him inside of the compartment.

Cat's POV

I slammed the hotel door behind me and leaned against it. "Oh my God!" I yelled, shaking my head like a crazy person.

"Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!" I continued as I stepped away from the door and continued shaking my head.

Dan was sitting on the bed in our hotel room with his laptop resting on his thighs and staring at me like I was as crazy as I was acting.

"I. Just. Saw." I started laughing before I could finish. "Phil and Leila fucking."

"What?" Dan laughed. "How the hell did you manage to see that?" he asked, looking more confused than he did before. "They were literally just fighting - and... How the fuck did you see that?" he asked again.

"I wanted a Dr. Pepper!" I flailed my arms. "The damn drink machine on our floor was out and then the elevator was taking 92 years so I was like oh let's walk down the stairs." I crawled onto the bed and moved the laptop off of his lap so that I knew he'd be paying attention. "They were going at against the wall in the stairwell. Like, going at it big time."

Dan's face scrunched up and he started flailing his arms out by his sides. "Jesus Christ!" he shook his head and started laughing again. "What?! Oh my God! What? Noooo! Bad Phileila! Why - the stairwell? Nooo!" he shivered all over. "What the fuck? Why were they doing that _there_? Phil doesn't even like PDA," he shook his head again. "Oh Christ."

I crawled onto his lap and sat sideways so I could see him. "Well, probably the same reason you and I have managed to have sex in various areas of our apartment leading towards the bedroom more than in the bedroom. Sometimes you just can't wait. It's serious business."

"That's a good point," Dan laughed. "And I'm guessing they made up then," he tilted his head, an 'I still can't believe it' look on his face. "Which is good.. I still can't believe they were fighting over what we did though. If they would have broken up over that I would have felt like such an asshole... Also, now you know my pain, about catching them in the throws." He started flailing again, but not as much this time.

"I'm not as damaged by it as you were," I laughed. "It was pretty hot actually. I've never gotten to see live porn even though I only stood there for about 3 seconds. I'm just glad they've apparently made up. I can't believe we did something so stupid."

We honestly hadn't thought they'd react that way to the flowers. I had been waiting for some sort of freak out text from Leila talking about Phans stalking her with creepy notes in bouquets and never got it. I suppose that should've been my sign that things had gone badly.

"I hope they're not mad at us," I sighed as I laid my head on his shoulder. "Leila and I have never been mad at each other. Phil was so pissed. I thought I was going to cry for a second there," I laughed but it was true. Seeing Phil act that way towards us was painful.

"I've never seen Phil get mad before," Dan said as his hand slid up and down my back. "So seeing that, was bloody weird. I'm sure they'll come around. Phil was probably just mad at himself.. I'm not completely sure what was going on between them, but Leila did say something about being a slut," he grimaced. "Definitely seems like it got pretty bad."

I ran my fingers through the hair on the back of his head as I listened to him talk. There was something about his voice that always made me feel-just have a lot of feels. I can't explain it. Sometimes it made it rather hard to pay attention to what he was saying.

"Yeah, it did," I agreed. "They can't handle travelling very well for some reason," I laughed, referring to the whole huge explosion of Phileila sadness that happened last time we all left England together.

I sat up again and looked over at his laptop to see my tumblr on the screen. "Dan," I said as I reached over to pick it up. "How often do you actually look at this?" I laughed. "I mostly just reblog you, Phil, and weird shit. Nothing special."

Dan shrugged. "I was actually looking to see if you'd reblogged anything wedding-ish... I guess I want to mentally prepare for the shit storms that are to come when everyone finds out," he told me with a laugh. "Not that I care if they find out since my parents know, and have actually met you."

"Speaking of," I said while I typed danisnotonfire into the search bar because even though I was going to be his wife I still liked to tumblr stalk him. "Our Moms have gone from emailing each other to Skyping," I laughed. "Mom told me today. They're like bffs now and-"

BOOM. Shitstorm.  
Huge.  
Fucking.  
Shitstorm.

"What the actual fuck?" I said as I pulled the laptop closer to us. "Can and Phileila are broken? What?" I scrolled down further to see tons of people reblogging a photo of Dan and Leila together. To anyone else it looked pretty bad but to me, the one who knew what they were both wearing the day we all went Christmas shopping, it looked completely innocent. "How the fuck did this even happen?"

Dan was staring at the screen with his eyebrows pushed together. "You have got to be fucking kidding me!" he said instantly sounding annoyed by what he was looking at. "It looks like Delia is a ship now and I'm on board," he read a text post out loud. "How did they even- who even took that?" he looked up at me and then back at the computer, pressing the down arrow to scroll through his tag to try and find out when this had started - but he stopped when he saw a picture of Phil and I with our arms linked together, both of us looking at each other like we were in the middle of some kind of majestic lovey-dovey moment or some shit.

"What the fuck is Whiskers doing?! WHY WOULD SHE LEAVE DAN FOR PHIL?!" he read a bit of the rant that was under the picture.

"Because his dick is huge. Duh," I blurted out and started laughing. "I'm sorry. I had to say it. But seriously. I want to know how the fuck people got these photos. I mean, I know we were out in public but those two photos of me and Phil are like from two separate parts of the day. It's like someone followed us or something."

Okay. Now I was actually scared and beginning to remember all the things Leila had said before about killer Phans.  
"I have no idea. The one of me and Leila was super close up too, and I think I would have noticed someone taking a - WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!" Dan screamed the last part, slamming his hands down against the keyboard. I looked down at the screen to see a picture of Dan in a wedding dress with Leila standing beside him holding her phone up in his direction.

"Before I get really fucking freaked out, you don't think that this could be the work of Phileila, do you?" he asked, sounding almost desperate.

I had already beaten him to becoming really fucking freaked out. I shook my head slowly. "No. I don't. Unless you or Leila took those photos of Phil and I and I'm pretty fucking sure you didn't."

"Okay, I am officially creeped the fuck out right now," Dan said seriously as he glanced over at me again. "I know they might not be happy with us right now, but we need to go talk to Phileila. This-" he pointed at the screen. "-is serious, and I am literally scared."


	34. Clean Up On Aisle WHAT THE FUCK

Cat's POV

I hand my hand up to knock on Leila and Phil's door but I stopped. "Um. I'm having visions of the stairwell incident," I whispered, glancing behind me at Dan before I leaned in and pressed my ear against the door to listen for any moaning.

"Yahtzee!"

"Unless Phil yells Yahtzee when he cums, we're clear," I said as I knocked on the door again. "It's us." I told them before Leila immediately thought we were stalkers of the night coming to steal their organs.

A few seconds later the door opened and Phil was standing there in his pajamas.

"Okay, I know you two are all pissed off at us right now and we deserve it but there's some seriously weird shit going on that y'all need to know about." I immediately started rambling before mean Phil made an appearance.

He shook his head and sighed. "I'm sorry about that, guys. I mean, what you did was messed up but I shouldn't have been so harsh. It had been a very weird day and all sorts of things had happened and-" he paused. "What is weird that's going on in the middle of the night?" He stepped out of the way so Dan and I could walk in and I immediately walked over to Leila.

"I am so fucking sorry," I rolled my eyes at myself. "What we did was dumb. We didn't mean to start anything."

She shook her head at me, "Did you not get the messages I left you? I'm not mad! We just - it was a really bad day and the flowers just made it that much worse.. You didn't start that fight. It's okay," she nodded and I realized that her eyes were a little glossy, which told me that she'd had quite a bit to drink at some point during the day.

I let out a loud sigh of relief. "Okay, good. I didn't get your messages because we turned our phones off to have a movie night since Mr. A.D.D can't leave his iPhone alone."

"Hello? The weirdness?" Phil laughed as he sat down next to Leila.

I looked over at Dan. "Care to share?"

He was opening his laptop when I asked him that and he looked up and nodded at me then looked at Phil and Leila. "I really don't know how to say this to you guys so I'm just going to lay it out the way we found out about it," he said sounding more serious than I'd ever heard him sound before.

"Cat and I were lurking around on tumblr and she went to my tag and, well... We found this," he walked over to the bed and sat the computer down in front of them so that they could see the picture post with all of the weird photos that were taken the day we'd all gone Christmas shopping.

"I don't know how the fuck anyone got those, or who took them, but someone was literally following all four of us that day, and there is a massive shit storm on tumblr now. I don't even care about that though," he threw his arms out. "I'm just focused on finding out where these pictures came from."

Leila looked at the screen for about five seconds and immediately jumped away from it, onto her feet. This was her worst nightmare coming true.

Phil scrambled to his feet and immediately grabbed her shoulders. "Just breathe. Do not freak out," he spoke softly, attempting to calm her down.

"Dude! I'm freaking out!" I shrieked.

"Not helping, Cat," Phil responded to me without looking away from her.

"Someone could be stalking us. This is scary shit!"

"We don't know that for sure yet," he replied. I wasn't winning any awards for being the most helpful best friend any time soon but for once I felt like she had every right to freak the fuck out.

"Phil's right," Dan stated as he moved over beside me. "It does look that way but..." he stopped and looked as if he were searching for some kind of logical excuse for the pictures other than us being stalked. He also looked like he was failing.

"It looks that way because it is that way!" Leila finally spoke up. "What if they know where we live? Did you guys see any other pictures or?"

Dan shook his head. "We didn't look. As soon as we saw those we came up here to tell you guys."

"Let's just try to figure out what the hell is going on before we jump to conclusions, sweetheart, alright?" Phil said as he moved her to sit back down.

I scooted over so that I was sitting next to Leila and I reached over to start scrolling down further. Dan took a seat next to me and we were all fairly silent and I scrolled past the endless posts of people speculating and freaking out over the photos.

"Have you checked your messages lately?" I asked Dan. "I mean, these had to have come from somewhere. They didn't just pop up. Maybe someone could shed some light on that because it looks like I'll be scrolling until 9 am if I'm trying to find it myself."

"I haven't checked them since before we left London," Dan said as he reached out to take the computer from my lap. Phil, Leila and I leaned in closer to Dan so we could see what he was doing.

He opened a new tab and went to his dashboard and clicked on the envelope at the top. From there he had to scroll past endless messages from people saying things about their feelings, their ovaries, and their cries, among other things.

However he stopped scrolling and I had to read the messages that remained on the page to find the one that had caught his attention.

"Dan, I'm sorry that you're probably getting spammed about the pictures that have popped up. Don't worry, this isn't a message about that. I think people should be focused on the fact that the pictures even exist, because they're weird. It took me awhile, but I finally found out where they came from and figured I should share it with you. .com," he read out loud and sighed loudly.

"I don't think I even want to click this bloody link right now," he said, but clicked it anyways.

The page loaded and I immediately heard Leila gasping because the page background was a picture of our apartment building.

"Oh. My. God." Dan stated, looking over at me.

I just thought I was scared before that moment. Seeing that page made me realize I wasn't scared, I was terrified.

"Okay. I think we can freak out now," Phil spoke up.

"Who the fuck would do some weird shit like this?" I asked, completely blown away. "Obviously someone who has issues."

"How did they even find out where we live?" Dan blurted out sounding dramatic. That bad part was that he wasn't doing it to be silly. He hadn't scrolled down the page at all. He was probably too scared to; however, after a few seconds I saw him take in a deep breath and he moved the mouse and the page started moving very slowly.

The very first post on the page was a text post that said: **Updates coming when they get back in town. Hope you guys are enjoying the candids. **

Leila put her hands over her face like she was shielding her eyes from something scary. Oh wait. She was. "How did they knew we left?!" she asked, sounding terrified.

"This might explain it," Dan cleared his throat. The next post were pictures of us loading our things into cabs outside of our building. What's weird though, I mean, weirder than the fact that they were taken at all - was that they were taken at angles that only showed one of us in each shot. Like we didn't leave together or something. I don't know. But it was fucking strange.

"I think I know who might be doing this," Phil spoke up and we all looked over at him. "McKenzie? I mean, really. Think about it. Who else would do something this psycho?"

"That's who I thought of at first but she left, remember? She moved back to the states," I replied. Part of me wished it were her. At least I wouldn't have to walk far when we got back home to beat the living shit out of her.

The next couple of posts of pictures were of Leila and I and I knew when I looked at them that they had been taken at different times when we were on our way to work; which was fucking terrifying. This crazy person could have jumped out and attacked us at any given time and we never would have seen it coming.

Shit, in one of the photos I had my headphones in, with my arms up in the air. It was from the morning I danced my way to work, pretending to sing into my coffee mug. So I sure as hell wouldn't have been able to defend myself.

Someone could have taken me straight out of the game.

But what was more strange were the pictures on the second page, which were pictures of Leila and I with our eyes blacked out with 'GO BACK TO CALIFORNIA' written across them.

"Okay, guys," Dan cleared his throat. "I think we should probably stop looking at this shit.. I mean, I don't know about you, but it's only pissing me off and scaring me further."

"Same here," Phil agreed as he rubbed Leila's hand in an attempt to comfort her. There was no comforting Leila. She was staring at the screen like she'd just watched some horrific, cornea burning porn.

"This is terrifying," I told Dan and I was being completely serious. I never thought I'd have to worry about something like that. The thought of someone watching us that way made me feel sick.

"I know," he told me as he shut the computer and sat it down behind us before reaching out for my hand. "And the worst part is, I don't know what we should do... I mean, the fact that they're following us is bad enough, but.. them posting pictures of where we live? I know this is going to sound ridiculous, but do you think we should... look into moving?" he asked me then shifted his eyes over to Phil.

"Why does today suck so bad," Leila said out of nowhere. "Seriously, today has been the biggest piece of shit and it was supposed to amazing," she grabbed a pillow and fell backwards on the bed, covering her face with it.  
"We are not moving," Phil told Dan as he moved to hover over Leila. "That would mean they win." He pulled the pillow off of her face and leaned down to kiss her lips. "I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

"Phil is Edward Cullen," I gasped. "I knew it."

I know it seems stupid that I was joking around but that's how I handle things. When someone is scaring the shit out of me or bringing any sort of negative emotion out of me I usually do whatever I can to avoid it. If I didn't place some humor into the situation I was going to have a panic attack and no one needed to see me like that. It was so not attractive.

"No offense, Phil, but I think they've already won," Dan told him as he looked over at him again. "Not only do they know what building we live in but they posted pictures of it all over tumblr and happen to know when we're coming and going. What do we know about them?" he tilted his head. "That's right. Nothing."

"And it seems like they hate our girlfriends," Phil added. "Well, my girlfriend and your fiance'. Whatever. But most of those photos were of them which scares me even more," he sighed as he turned his attention back to Leila who was just sort of staring up at him while he talked to Dan. "Do you need anything?" he asked as he stroked her cheek with the back of his hand.

They were so cute. Jesus on a boat.

"Y'all are so cute," I sighed happily as I watched them.

Leila shook her head at him as she sat back up, grabbing the pillow and cuddling up with it. "Thanks," she smiled over at me. I could tell that it was forced. "I'm staying in London, by the way. I was actually excited about it before _this._" Leila sighed. "Well I'm still excited, but you know. This is scary.. Maybe Dan's right?" she shifted her eyes around to each of us. "What do you think," she asked, looking at me.

"Oh holy fuck," I threw my hands in the hair. "Huge relief much?" I laughed. I hadn't said anything but ever since Dan asked me to marry him and I knew for a fact that I would be living in London for a very long time, I'd been very bothered by not knowing if Leila was going to stay.

I am very well aware that I sounded like a codependent weirdo. No fucks given.

"Well, that's good news at least," I sighed as I ran my fingers through my hair. "I don't know. I hate the thought of leaving that apartment. I love it there. It's our home. I mean, I definitely think we should stay at a hotel for a bit when we get back instead of going back home. We need to figure out what the fuck is going on just in case we're in danger."

"I can't stand the thought of anyone hurting either of you," Phil said as he leaned forward and rubbed his face. "I feel like this is our faults. Maybe we should've hidden our relationships."

"It's not your fault," Leila spoke softly as she wrapped her arms around him from his side. "I know neither of you thought this would happen."

But she had certainly thought about it happening.

Dan looked at me and sighed as he nodded. "We probably should have kept quiet about them, though. Had we not been so open with everyone... Cat, I know you want to let our engagement be public, but maybe we should hold off on that?" he proposed. "At least until we get this sorted."

I knew that Dan had a good point. It was stupid to flaunt our engagement when obviously us just being in a relationship was enough to set this off. But that tiny bit of me that was a total girl who wanted to be reblogging wedding dresses and bullshit no one else cared about and who wanted to tweet pictures of her amazing ring and make a facebook announcement saying that I was engaged felt some serious disappointment.

I put on my best game face and nodded but couldn't keep myself from fiddling with my engagement ring. "Yeah, we should," I agreed.

"We still have one more day here at least so that buys us some time to try to sort this out and figure out what we can do," Phil said followed by a yawn.

Him yawning made me yawn. "We should probably attempt to get some sleep before we have to actually deal with this shit." I sighed as I stood up from the floor.

I walked over to where Leila was and laid on top of her to hug her since she was lying down. "I love you, Lele," I mumbled against her hair before pulling myself off of her and leaning down to hug Phil.

"Sorry for adding to your shiteous day." I offered a sympathetic smile before I made my way towards the door.

At that point the weight of everything was really settling in on me. I just wanted everything to be alright for once. I didn't want to worry anymore.

I wanted to go crawl in bed and not talk about anything which was weird because I was always willing to talk to Dan even if it was about pooping.

Once we were at the elevator and I still hadn't said anything, Dan noticed that something was off. He put his hand on my shoulder and leaned into my line of vision, his head tilted as he searched my face. "Are you okay?" he asked softly. "I know it's hard not to, but I don't want you to worry about any of this. We'll figure it out."

I forced a smile and leaned in to kiss his lips quickly. "I'm just really tired."

It wasn't a complete lie. I was really fucking tired.

"Me too," Dan said and a few seconds later he started yawning. "Oh bloody hell," he rubbed his eyes before putting his arm around my shoulder as we stepped into the elevator that had just opened in front of us. "Tomorrow will be fun though, yeah? Lots of food and alcohol and sauciness," he said in a deep dramatic voice and wiggled his eyebrows.

"Yes indeed," I laughed, nodding. "I hope it's a better day for Leila and Phil. I feel so bad about their day sucking so horribly. I am glad she's staying in London though. So fucking glad."

The elevator stopped and the doors opened so we could make our way back to the room. Dan unlocked the door and I followed behind him. I laid the laptop down on the floor along with my phone before starting to undress as I walked over to my bags.

"Gotta go wash my make up off," I told him as I made my way into the bathroom.

While I was brushing my teeth, I noticed the reflection of my ring in the mirror. It was a pretty noticeable ring. I wondered how many times I'd sat and stared at it since he put it on my finger.

That didn't make what I had to do much easier.

I walked out of the bathroom to see him pulling back the blankets on the bed. After crawling onto the bed and putting my legs under the blankets I pulled the ring off and held it out for him. "I should probably give this back."

Dan's eyes got big as he looked from me, to the ring and back again, not making any attempt to take it from me. "What? Cat, you can't be serious... I know that what's happening is completely horrific, but I don't want that to change anything. I love you, you know that right? I don't care if someone is stalking us. I know you're scared but-" he stopped and I could hear him swallowing back the lump that had grown in his throat.

I just stared at him like he had completely lost his mind as he rambled but then when I realized he was actually on the verge of tears I quickly crawled over to him and held his face in my hands. "Baby, I don't want anything to change. I didn't mean I don't want to marry you," I laughed. "I just don't have the box for the ring and I can't wear it if people can't find out about us being engaged. I probably should've explained that before just trying to hand it to you. I'm sorry."

I never. ever. ever. ever wanted to see that sad look on his face again. It was so much worse than the pretend pouting that he and Phil were the kings of.

He let out a sigh of relief and his head fell back. "Jesus Christ, you scared me," he admitted, lifting his head again. "An explanation would have been nice," he laughed and took the ring from my hand and looked at it for a few seconds before looking at me again. "I promise, it won't be long and you'll be able to wear this all the time and tell everyone you want to tell. I just want to protect you, that's all." He leaned over and sat the ring down beside him before looking at me again. He placed his hand against my cheek and kissed me softly. "I love you," he said as he pulled back, but leaned in a kissed me again before I could say it back. "This will be sorted soon, I'm sure."

I wrapped my arms around him and pulled myself as close to him as I could even though I was sitting up on my knees while he was standing which was a sort of awkward position to be in. He was like my human form of xanax though and I was starting to feel overwhelmed again. "I love you too," I whispered against his chest.

I pulled back and sat on my ass on the bed as I ran my fingers through my hair. "You wouldn't be dealing with this dumb shit if I hadn't just busted into your world." I blurted out that irrational mess before even thinking about what I was saying.

He sat down in front of me, his brows furrowed together in an disapproving way. "As true as that might be, I also wouldn't be as happy as I am right now. I don't like what's happening but do you think I would change anything or take it back for all of this to stop?" he asked, but didn't wait to let me answer. "I wouldn't. This is only temporary. What we have is forever," he brushed his thumb across my cheek. "I think walking in on Phileila, and the mess on tumblr added with your lack of sleep is making you go insane," he laughed. "Let's lay down, yeah? I think we both need some rest."

"I'm older than you. I'm supposed to be the wise one who says calming things," I laughed, shaking my head at myself. "Laying down sounds wonderful." I crawled across the bed and under the covers before turning the lamp off beside the bed and rolling over on my side to watch him like the creeper I am.

"Do you ever wonder what our kids will look like?" Yep. I was delirious.

Laughing, he laid down beside me and pulled the covers up over himself and pulled me onto his chest and wrapped his arms around me. "I did actually, when we thought Leila was pregnant," he told me quietly as he found a strand of my hair to play with. "I got stuck though because I couldn't figure out if they would be short or tall."  
"Tall, I hope," I laughed as I reached up to play with his hair. "I want them to have your dimples and your gorgeous smile. I definitely want them to have your hair. You have great hair." I leaned in and kissed his lips, lingering there for a second before pulling back just enough to see his face. "But we won't find out for a while. I made sure of that the other day."

"Oh yeah? How exactly did you do that?" he asked, laughing lightly.

"Leila and I went together and got our birth control shots," I grinned. "I was going to surprise you with hot condomless sex tonight but the night didn't exactly go as planned."

"Hot condomless sex, huh?" he laughed again. "Sex with you is hot regardless. You could be wrapped up in aluminum foil and it would still be hot... Okay, maybe not, but.." I could feel him shaking his head.

I had to laugh at the thought of that. It was a very odd mental image. "Yes. Sex with you is earth shattering but think about it. Skin against skin. Nothing between us. We can feel _everything_."

"Are you trying to seduce me, Catherine?" Dan asked sounding very serious. "Because it's working."

"Actually, I'm not. I think you'd fall asleep inside me," I laughed. "But apparently I have skills if I'm succeeding at it without trying."

"Probably," he chuckled quietly. "We'll have lots and lots of new years morning sex though. How does that sound?" he asked, placing a kiss against my cheek.

"Mmm. That sounds wonderful," I whispered before kissing his lips. I rolled over in his arms so that he could spoon me. I couldn't fall asleep with my face in someone's face. It was weird.

Shockingly, it didn't take long for me to pass out.

And I woke up to Dan's lips kissing against my neck.  
"Happy new year's eve," he told me as he pulled away to look at my face. I could tell by the groggy look in his eyes that he'd just woken up.  
He shot me a sleepy smile before dipping back in to kiss my lips, trailing them across my cheek and onto my neck again.

Well, he wasn't lying about the morning sex.

"Well, good morning to you too." I moaned softly when I felt his hand roaming up my inner thigh. My panties were already quite damp and I hadn't even been awake for 5 minutes.

I heard something vibrating against the table before music started playing. It was Dan's phone going off, but he didn't seem to care, because his hand crept up and under my panties, his fingertips rubbing against my pussy.

"Mmm, someone's excited," he purred against my neck then started to tug my panties off of my hips. I realized then, when I felt his bulge press against me that he was completely naked.

I moved my hips, helping him remove my underwear as I tugged the bottom of my shirt up, pulling it over my head and tossing it on the floor.

I grabbed his face, forcing it up to mine to I could kiss him and his phone started going off again. He groaned against my lips but made no motion to get up. Instead he kissed me deeper, his body moving in closer to mine, his dick right outside of my entrance.

"Baby," I whispered breathlessly against his lips. "Your phone. What if it's important?"

What the fuck was I saying? Why did I let myself say that? I wanted sex, dammit!

"It stopped," he smiled against my lips. "And it can't be more important than this," he whispered, leaning his hips in against me, slightly pushing himself inside of me when his phone started ringing yet again.

He sighed loudly and reached over to the nightstand on his side of the bed and grabbed his phone. His brows furrowed together as he looked at the screen before answering and I instantly wondered who was calling.

"PJ, this better be important," he answered as he leaned in to kiss my neck again - however his head shot up. "Wait, what?" he asked. "You've got to be fucking kidding me," he pushed himself off of me and sat on the edge of the bed. "Yeah I'm still in New York... Tomorrow morning... Fuck!" he glanced over at me. I didn't like the look on his face. "Thanks for letting me know... Yeah, I'll let him know as soon as I hang up... Alright." he hung up and started rubbing his face. "We have to go back to London," he spoke up. "Like now. Someone posted our addresses on tumblr."

By the time he said that to me I was already sitting next to him on the bed waiting for whatever bad news he had. It felt like my heart fell out of my asshole when he told me. "What?" I asked even though I'd heard him loud and clear. "Oh my God. What the fuck?"

Dan shook his head as he scrolled through his contacts. I'm guessing he was preparing to call Phil. "I don't know. I really don't fucking know, but we need to get home," he said and got up from the bed, moving around to find some clothes to put on. I was in so much shock that I couldn't even admire the fact that my gorgeous boyfriend was 100% naked walking around our room.

"Phil, hey, listen... Yeah I know it's early... Yeah but- … Oh Christ, shut up and listen! Someone posted our addresses on tumblr, we need to- No I don't know who, Phil... Yeah I know.. Look, we need to get back as soon as possible. I'm getting our things ready now, can you book our flights?" he asked, pulling a pair of pants up over his hips. "PJ called me and told me... Alright, bye." he tossed the phone onto the bed sighed again as he looked around the floor. He looked lost at where to even begin with packing.

I stood up from the bed as well and walked over to my bags. "Just start cramming shit in bags," I told him as I searched for something to wear. My hands were shaking. Part of me wanted to get online and check tumblr to see for myself but I knew it would only freak me out more.

Posting our addresses online made the issue that was already a big deal turn into a huge one. Not only were we dealing with worrying about whoever was doing all of the things going on but the addresses being posted meant we had to worry about thousands of people be able to find exactly where our homes were.

After getting dressed and throwing my hair into some hideous excuse for a pony tail I began walking around the room collecting mine and Dan's things and putting them in our bags. We weren't speaking at all. We were just walking past each other randomly as we attempted to pack as quickly as possible.

We both had very valuable things in our apartment and the fact that people now had our exact address meant that those things could be fucked with which could seriously fuck with our jobs.

I didn't even want to think about anything else that could happen because of it.

It didn't take long at all for both of us to cram all of our things into the bags we'd brought with us. I saw Dan put my ring into his wallet and put it back in his pocket before he started stacking all of our luggage by the door.

I don't know why but seeing him do that made me really fucking sad. I felt like whoever was doing this was taking away our privacy and our happiness and none of it was fair. That ring should've been on my finger. We should've been in bed having amazing sex all day until we went to party our asses off for New Year's. Instead we were running around like crazy people trying to get everything together to get on a 10 hour flight back home to make sure our homes were okay.

There was a knock on my door and it made me jump because I was so lost in my thoughts.

"It's us," I heard Phil's voice before Dan opened the door. He and Leila were standing there with their bags packed as well. "Our flight leaves in an hour and a half so we should go."

Dan nodded at him and looked over at me as he moved towards me. He put his hands on my hips and leaned down to kiss my forehead, but didn't say anything. I could tell how much all of this was bothering him. I could also tell that, even though he wasn't showing it, he was angry. He had every right to be. This was bullshit. Complete bullshit. Did people not know when they were crossing the fucking line with shit like this?

He grabbed what bags he could carry and I grabbed what was left before moving towards the door while Dan did a final sweep over the room to make sure we hadn't left anything laying around.

Leila greeted me with her arm outstretched and I looked at her palm to see a Xanax sitting in it. "I figured you could use this," she smiled weakly.

I laughed even though nothing was actually funny. "You know me too well," I said as I took it from her and popped it into my mouth without bothering to wash it down with a thing.

"You two ready?" Phil asked and we both nodded.

I picked up my carry on bag and grabbed Leila's hand before we walked out the room together.

I don't think I could remember all of us ever being so quiet together. The elevator ride down to the lobby and even the cab ride to the airport were spent in silence. We all had a lot going through our minds. Thankfully I wasn't feeling the intense anxiety I had been thanks to the xanax.

On the plane Dan let me sit by the window without a fight which never happened. I hoped that somehow I'd be able to just sleep through the whole thing.

Actually, I really hoped that I was asleep right then and this was some weird ass dream or nightmare.

A couple of hours into the flight we were met with the time change. I swear, it's the weirdest thing, going from daylight to complete darkness out of nowhere. I managed to sleep for a little while, but Dan woke me up with a kiss, telling me happy new year because it was already midnight.

This was not how I imagined I would bring in my first new year's with Dan. On a bloody plane on our way back home because some crazy bitch decided it would be cute to put our fucking addresses online.

Dan suggested that we all have a drink so we could at least half-ass celebrate. We all agreed but it was obvious that none of us were feeling it. The Xanax had worn off so the dread was hitting me again. I think we all just wanted to land, get off of the plane, and get home so we could see how much damage had been done. If any at all.

Thankfully, after our drink, the ride only last for another twenty minutes or so.

We all crammed ourselves into one cab again and our journey home began. There was a lot of traffic for how late it was - but it was New Year's. All of the normal people, who didn't have stalkers were out celebrating.

It took longer than it normally would have, but we finally got back to our building and I knew something was up, because there police officers standing in front of the doors. I saw someone who lived on the floor below us trying to get in and the police officer asked to see her I.D and asked where she lived inside the building before he would let her go in, which didn't help the worry that was starting to consume me.

"Oh fuck," I said as I stared out the window. I had my hand on the handle of the door but was having issues forcing myself to open it. Somehow I finally managed to do it, glancing back at Leila, Dan and Phil before I stepped out of the car.

We asked the cab to wait for us since we didn't plan to spend the night at our apartments anyway. Dan took my hand as we all made our way up to the officers who were watching us closely.

"Do you four live here?" the cop asked.

"Yes sir," we all answered at the same time.

"Identification please?" he held his hand out and we all shuffled around to get our I.D.'s out for him. He looked at Dan's and then pulled his walkie talkie thing out of his belt. "They're here."

Shit. Shit. Fuck. Shit.

I was probably about to snap a bone in Dan's hand because I was squeezing it so hard.

"Officer, can I ask what's going on?" Phil spoke up.

The cop sighed. "We received a call about a break in at your flats earlier this evening. Can you come with us please?"

This had to be a nightmare. There was no way this shit was really happening.

Once more, we all fell silent, following the officer inside of the building and through the lobby to the elevator. "We haven't been able to do a full investigation because no one was here to confirm if anything was taken, but-" the police officer stopped and cleared his throat as we stepped inside of the elevator. "Well, you'll see."

"We'll see what, exactly," Dan spoke up.

The officer sighed and shifted his eyes around all of our faces, but before he could speak the elevator chimed and the doors opened.

He was the first one out and the rest of us filed out behind him. As soon as we rounded the corner I saw two officers standing apart from each other in the hall.

"Which one of you is Mr. Howell and Ms. Faust?" the closest one asked as he walked away from Phil and Leila's door and towards us.

Dan and Leila raised their hands and looked back at Phil and I.

"I'm detective Curtis. I'm sure officer Brams told your lot what's going on?" he asked and we all nodded. "Follow me," he turned around and started towards Phil and Leila's apartment. "We got a call a couple of hours ago about a noise complaint and came here to find two break ins. One at apartment 409 and one at 414," he explained as he pushed open the door.

It was literally hanging off of its hinges.

He stepped in and flipped on the light.

"Oh my God!" Leila gasped.

The apartment was fucking destroyed. There were things all over the floor. It looked like every single dish from the kitchen had been shattered all over the place. There were no more photos on the walls. It was insanity.

"Oh God," I breathed, feeling an overwhelming urge to just throw up. Part of me didn't even want to see mine and Dan's apartment.

Phil and Leila went into their apartment where a few more officers were inside investigating. Detective Curtis stepped out and motioned for Dan and I to follow him to our place.

The very short walk there didn't even feel real. I was trying to mentally prepare for whatever I saw. I knew it would have to be similar to Leila and Phil's though.

The door was fucked up much like theirs when Detective Curtis pushed it open. I couldn't even speak when I saw how bad it was though.

It was a lot like Leila and Phil's. Broken glass was all over the floors. Our shelves of books were turned over and broken along with our shelves of DVDs. "Be careful stepping in," he warned us. I hadn't even been aware that Dan was pulling me into the room by my hand until he said that.

I could hear the glass crunching under my boots as we stepped further inside. "We need you to tell us if anything is missing. If it's possible for you to see if there is anything missing."

I think Dan said something to me about going to our room to check on our camera equipment but I guess I was in shock. I began to wander around the dining and living room area.

What finally made me snap out of it was when I looked over at what used to be the table that held all of our photos on it. It was in pieces on the floor and all of the pictures were scattered around it on the floor in broken frames.

I looked around the room again and for the first time I noticed nothing was on our walls. My eyes immediately went to the spot over our fireplace where the photo Dan gave me for Christmas had been.

I looked down and saw that the beautiful frame it had been in was demolished. My vision got blurry with tears as I made my way over to it and bent down to pick up the photo that had been in it.

It was lying face down and when I flipped it over I saw that whoever came in and used something to scratch my face out of the photo.

I don't know why that of all things triggered me but it did and I just sat down on the floor in the middle of shards of broken glass and splinters and started bawling. It was the ugly, ugly cry that you never, ever want anyone to see.

"Miss," I heard the detective call out, but his voice seemed so far away even though he was standing behind me. "You might want to get up from that mess."

I heard footsteps from down the hall and then glass crunching as they got closer. "Babe," Dan said softly and I felt his hands on my shoulders. "Come on, get up," he soothed, helping me up off of the ground. He held me against his chest and I felt his arms wrap around me.

"Was anything missing that you saw?" I heard detective Curtis ask and I could feel Dan shaking his head.

"Nothing's missing. It's all been destroyed though," he told him.

"We'll give you a couple of minutes, but we have some questions we need to ask, and we need to start looking for evidence as to who could have done this," he said and I heard glass crunching as he walked out of our apartment.

I was still holding onto my destroyed photo like there was some way I could fix it. I was aware that everything around me was materialistic. It could all be replaced. I still had the people I loved.

But the horrible mess I was standing in the middle of made it all real. How scared I'd gotten hours earlier when all of that madness started was for good reason. Someone obviously was out to get us.

I finally let go of the photo and quickly wiped my eyes. I needed to suck it up. Crying like a titbag wasn't going to help. "Let's go check on Leila and Phil," I told Dan after clearing my throat.

He grabbed my hand with both of us and brought it to his lips to kiss the back of it. "At least we weren't here," he told me as he dropped my hand and wrapped his arm around my shoulders and started leading me out of the apartment.

"You guys didn't touch anything, did you?" one of the officers asked and Dan shook his head at him. "Alright, we're going to go in and check for fingerprints," he told us and a couple of officers who weren't there before started walking into our destroyed home behind him.

Down the hall there were just as many officers lingering outside of Phil and Leila's flat, and when we walked inside we saw that Detective Brams was inside talking to another officer.

Phil was sitting on the couch with his face buried in his hands looking like he was having some kind of breakdown. Now that we were further inside I saw that the same number had been done to their DVD collection but I noticed instantly that their walls weren't completely bare. The framed Muse poster hanging above the couch was still intact but that seemed to be only thing that had been salvaged.

The desktop screen that had been sitting on the table was sitting on the floor in several pieces.

The crazy mother fucker had even destroyed one of Phil's stuffed Totoros. It looked like it had been stabbed multiple times and all of the cotton that had been inside of it was strewn all over the floor.

Leila appeared from the hallway looking just as much of a mess that I did. She was sniffling, carrying a broken DVD case that I knew had the video Phil had made for her and Timothy's hamster's ball.

"They destroyed it too," she cried but instantly started wiping at her face with the back of her arm. "Timothy is fine though," she added quickly, because Phil looked like he was about to start crying too.

I immediately walked over to her and threw my arms around her before hugging her as tightly as possible. I wanted to lose my shit and cry my eyes out. I needed to but I forced myself not to.

Leila let the case fall from her hands and she wrapped her arms back around me, clinging to me as she started crying a little harder.

Detective Brams cleared his throat, "I know this is a lot to take in, but we really need ask you guys a couple of questions. First off, do you guys have any enemies? Or someone who knows you who knew you were going to be out of town? Neither of you reported that anything was missing, so they didn't come in with the intent to steal anything.."

It was silent aside from the sound of Leila crying, which she stopped as she pulled away from me to wipe her face again before cradling the hamster ball against her chest, shaking her head at Detective Brams.

"Someone did know we were going out of town," Dan spoke up and we all looked over at me.

"Who?" Detective Brams asked him.

"That's the thing... We don't know," he sighed. "While we were gone..." Dan went on to explain the situation about the tumblr site. Of course he didn't really understand why anyone would be so interested in 'stalking' us, so he also had to explain what he and Phil do and that Leila had written a book.

"That explains the crowd that we had earlier," Detective Brams said out of nowhere. "We had complaints from your neighbors all day about random people trying to get into your building. Luckily none of them knew the code to get inside..."

"Wonderful," I rubbed my temples and sighed loudly. "I'm going to go call around to see if I can find a hotel for us," I told everyone before made my way out of the room.

Truthfully I just had to get out of there because I felt like the fucking walls were closing in around me. For the first time in a very long time, I missed California and I really, really missed Louisiana.

I walked down the hallway and pulled my phone out of my pocket to find hotels but my hands were shaking so fucking bad I couldn't even operate my damn iPhone correctly. I couldn't sort through any of my thoughts either.

I leaned against the wall and took several deep breaths. One of those xanax or a very large Jack and Coke sounded wonderful right then. I finally managed to calm myself down enough and find a hotel for us that were willing to have us for what might be an extended stay.

I was suddenly more on board for the new apartment idea. There was no other way to avoid everyone coming by our apartment on a daily basis since our addresses were out there.

I also needed to call my boss at People and inform her that the camera that cost more than any car I'd ever owned had been destroyed.

"Fuck my life," I said to myself as I hit my head on the wall.

I heard footsteps coming from down the hall and I thought it was one of the cops but when I looked up I saw that it was Leila coming towards me.

"Are you okay?" she asked, putting her hand on my shoulder. "The detective said he can check the tumblr site out and try to trace where it leads back to. Or who, it leads back to," she told me before moving from in front of me to stand beside me with her weight pressing against the wall.

"They said they'll keep an eye out around here too, to make sure no one gets into our apartments... I can't believe this happened. I mean, it's one of those things that happens to people everyday, but you never think it'll happen to you," she sighed. "I can't believe I'm about to say this but I miss home."

"I do too," I confessed, chewing my bottom lip right after to keep myself from crying. "I just can't even believe this is real," I shook my head. My phone beeped and I looked down to see I'd gotten an email confirmation about our hotel rooms. "I booked our rooms," I told her as I slid my phone back into my pocket. "Whenever the cops are done with us we can go. I don't want to be in here anymore."

"Sweetheart?" We both looked towards where Phil's voice was coming from to see him and Dan approaching us. "It's stupid to ask if you two are okay but-"

"I got rooms booked for us," I told them so I could avoid the question. "Are they done with the questioning?"

Dan nodded at me. "Yeah, we're done for tonight. I gave detective Brams our numbers though so he can contact us if he has anymore questions or finds anything out, so if you get a call from a weird number, it's him."

"I'm ready to sleep for the next 900 years," Leila sighed as she moved off of the wall and over to Phil, who was holding Timothy's hamster cage. None of us could even judge him for bringing him with us. It was a miracle he hadn't been smashed along with the rest of our belongings.

"Let's get out of here," Dan said, grabbing for my hand and leading the four of us to the elevator again.

I could see that all of the officers were still moving between the apartments doing their investigation before we got inside of it.

It was silent again once we got inside until Leila spoke up. "Happy fucking new year," she said flatly.


	35. Go The Fuck To Sleep

Dan's POV 

I had been awake for a while, just laying in bed thinking about the crazy shit that had happened in the last 48 hours.

There was a tumblr that some stalker had dedicated to me, my best friend, his girlfriend, and my fiance.

Which was nothing compared to the fact that my apartment had been broken into and destroyed. All of the equipment that I had left there, all of Cat's photography stuff, clothes, dishes, photos, movies. The list goes on. The only few things that survived were my piano, keyboard and random things like my amber lamp.

We couldn't stay there - although, I probably wouldn't have had the police said that we could. It was obvious that it wasn't safe there, which pissed me off more than I can express. Who thought that what they did was okay?

I couldn't help but wonder what would have happened had we actually been there when they broke in; or if it even would have happened had we never left. The post they'd left on tumblr made me think that it wouldn't have, since they knew we were out of town and actually had pictures of us leaving.

I kept checking my phone on the nightstand beside me. I was waiting for one of the detectives to call me, because all I wanted to know was who was behind this.

Waiting like this was like watching water on a stove waiting for it to boil. It never bloody does it until you walk away from it and distract yourself.

I should probably do that.

I looked down at the woman laying beside me. The love of my life. The thought of something happening to her because of all of this made me even more angry, so I forced the thoughts away as I moved in closer to her, slipping my arm from under her head so that I could lean in and hover over her.

I pressed a soft kiss against her lips, but it didn't rouse her. She had been so exhausted because of all of this insanity, and I knew she was just as stressed as I was. I think the worst part of all of this was that there was nothing I could do to make her feel any better, or take any of the worry away.

Although, I could occupy her mind enough to distract her.

I moved her hair away from her face and dipped in, kissing the side of her neck as one of my hands trailed up her stomach. She was only wearing a bra and a pair of underwear, so I had easy access to my favorite parts of her.

I slid the strap of her bra off of her shoulder, exposing one of her breasts and moved my lips back up to hers. I saw her eyes flutter open and hushed the words she was about to speak with a kiss and leaned my hips in against hers, letting her feel the bulge between my legs.

She took the hint and her arms wrapped around me as she started kissing me back softly. I moved my hand from her shoulder and down her side until they rubbed across the lace on her panties. I tucked my thumb under them and pulled them down off of her hip. She moved one of her hands from my back and down to her other side, helping me remove the thin fabric that was separating us.

Her legs spread a bit more and I broke from the kiss to pull them all the way off of her. Sitting on my knees, I pulled my briefs down off of my hips, exposing my erection, which caused her to release a groggy giggle.

Once they were gone, I leaned back down and grabbed her hand. Lacing my fingers through hers, I pulled our knotted hands up above her head and let my lips part over hers, kissing her softly as I let my hips settle on top of hers, my dick slowly slipping inside of her.

I let out a very quiet grunt of pleasure and squeezed her hand, trailing my lips from hers, across her cheek and onto her jawline. My tongue slipped between my lips as I moved my mouth down to her neck, kissing it just as softly as I'd kissed her lips, my hips gently rocking against hers.

I pulled away from her neck and looked down at her face as I brought my free hand to her cheek, caressing it as I studied her eyes.

She smiled up at me, which cause me to smile back at her before dipping back down and pressing a warm kiss against her pouts.

It was insane how looking at her seemed to make all of my problems drift away. It was as if none of the horrible things that we'd been dealing with had even happened, and that we were the only two people in the world right now.

It wasn't until then that I realized something kind of cheesy. This wasn't typical sex, it was love making. Something we had never done before, but something that we both needed, I think.

My hips moved against hers at the same slow, gentle pace, and outside of the sound of our soft, delicate breathes, the room was silent.

So quiet that I think I could hear both of our hearts beating. It was like they were in perfect sync with one another, beating the same rhythm between both of us.

"I love you," I whispered against her lips before pecking them and looking into her eyes again. I brushed a few strands of her hair away from her face. "I love you too, Dan," she whispered back at me breathlessly as she shot me another grin and forced another soft kiss against my lips.

And once more, it was silent. The only thing that could be heard were our now shaky breaths and the sound of our bodies slowly moving together.

I'd never experienced something like this before. Our bodies, minds, and even our bloody spirits seemed to be connected. It was just Cat and I, with nothing separating us. She felt so incredible. So incredible that I had to move my hips faster against her; I could tell that she wanted me to though.

However, no matter the increase in pace, we both remained quiet, watching, studying each other, light grins on both of our lips.

I felt her hand in my hair, stroking it back. I saw her eyes close for a second and her teeth nip down on her lower lip before her lids lifted again so that she was looking at me with a penetrating gaze.

I felt her back arch beneath me and her body started to moved a bit faster against mine, her legs tightening around my waist. Her breathing picked up and the grip she had on my hair tightened. I knew that she was close to having an orgasm. I could see it in her eyes, read it in her body language, feel it... Her lips were against mine, and she let out a soft, muffled moan.

I hushed it completely as I kissed her, my fingers tightening around hers as I started rocking my hips even harder into hers. We were both panting for air at that point and I felt her body tense up before it started shaking and she was quietly and breathlessly moaning my name.

I came with her and my body tensed and slowly started to relax on top of her as I buried my face against her neck, breathing heavily as I brushed my lips against her soft skin.

"I could see myself being a morning person if I woke up to that everyday," she giggled, her fingertips moving softly along my spine. "Can we just stay in here all day and pretend no one else exists?"

"That sounds perfect," I whispered against her ear as I rubbed my thumb across the knuckles of our tangled fingers. There wasn't anything I wanted more than to remain like that with her, and I would do it for as long as I could.

"Good morning, by the way," I smiled, pulling my head back to that I could look at her gorgeous face. "Did you sleep well?"

"Not really," she sighed, tilting her head as she looked up at me. "I kept having weird dreams. I woke up and couldn't remember where the fuck I was at one point," she laughed.

I made a sad face at her before grinning again. "That happened to me too. I got really confused and thought that I was still in New York," I brought my hand to her face and tucked her hair behind her ear. I think the reason I thought I was still in New York was because I was supposed to still be there. "Are you hungry? I can call and order us some breakfast."

"I could eat," she replied as she brought one of her hands to the top of my head and ran her fingers through it. "I just had sex with quiff Dan," she laughed. "How long had you been away before you decided to let your penis be my alarm clock?"

"A couple of hours," I laughed as I moved my hand to my hair. I could tell without looking at it that it was a complete bloody mess. "I didn't sleep very well either," I admitted with a sigh before brushing my lips against hers.

"I woke up and heard you mumbling something about Malteser pies at one point," she laughed. "I bet a pie made out of those would be orgasmic."

My stomach growled audibly when she said that. "Okay, I can't handle this conversation any longer," I said as I rolled off of her and reached for the hotel phone on the table beside mine. I picked it up and dialed for room service then picked up my phone to see that I had a text from Phil asking if I'd heard anything yet, and letting me know that no one had contacted he or Leila.

I ordered breakfast even though it was noon then hung up the phone to shoot Phil a text telling him that I hadn't heard anything either.  
I popped a kiss against Cat's forehead after I sat my phone back down then moved off of the bed, tugging her along with me.

"I think we need a shower," I grinned.

We were in there for a while and the entire bathroom got steamy. Well, so did we, if you're picking up what I'm putting down.

By the time we were dressed, there was a knock on the door. I answered it to see that it was our breakfast platter, full of waffles and bacon and other obviously super healthy things.

We were halfway done when I heard another knock on the door. I knew it was Phil and Leila, because Leila literally said so.

"I'm comvfing," I mumbled as I showed up the big mouthful of waffle, moving towards the door to answer.

"Dan, hurry!" Leila started knocking again. "Seriously, it's important!"

I froze in my tracks and looked back over at Cat, who was holding her fork up to her mouth, which was hanging open. I swallowed then closed the space between me and the door - a part of me not even wanting to answer it because I wasn't sure if I wanted to know what they had to tell us.

"I will hipcheck this fucking door down!" she yelled, once again pounding her fist against it. I opened it mid-knock and she nearly toppled over the threshold, but Phil caught her by her arm.

I shouldn't have, but I laughed at her.

"You're not going to believe this shit!" she said as she marched by me and towards the bed where Cat was sitting. I knew by the tone of her voice that she was pissed off, but seeing her face made me realize exactly how much.

"What's going on?" I asked, closing the door after Phil walked in looking every bit as angry as she did.

Phil was carrying his Macbook and he opened it up once he sat down on the bed beside Leila.

"You guys are scaring the shit out of me," Cat said as she glanced from Leila to Phil. "I swear, I'm going to end up on heavy medication if anymore craziness goes down."

"Look," Phil turned the laptop towards Cat and her eyes got huge. "Oh my God," she said in a sort of scared sounding voice as she looked up at me.

I moved over to the bed and crawled around it so that I could see what they were looking at.

My eyes doubled in size as I stared at a photoset of pictures that were taken of our apartments. It was of the destruction that this person had left behind after they tore everything upside down. There were shots of our lounges and bedrooms with a bit of text under them.

**Happy New year! **

I could feel my blood pressure rising and I glanced up to see Cat, Phil, and Leila looking at me. Cat looked like she was about to fucking snap. Leila was shaking her head and Phil had his arms folded.

I had never seen the three of them look so bloody mad before.

"Keep scrolling," Leila spoke up, laughing her ragey, scary woman laugh.

I looked back down at the screen and pressed the down arrow to see another photoset of pictures.

Pictures that should have never met the fucking light of day or any other eyes than ours.

Firstly, there was a picture of Cat and I very, _very _naked laying in bed together, taken at one of Cat's creative angles, exposing parts of us that I never wanted thousands of people to see.

Next there was a picture of Phil sitting on the toilet with his pants down at his ankles. He wasn't exposed - but he was still on the bloody toilet. He was probably contemplating my death, since I swore to him that I'd deleted that after I took it. I made a mental note to apologize for that.

And after that was a picture of Leila that Cat had taken while she was getting out of the shower, trying to wrap herself up in a towel. I don't think that needs any further explanation.

There were several more, but those were by far the worst in that set.

"This is not happening," Cat hid her face with her hands and shook her head. "I am so fucking sorry. I should have been more careful with my memory card," she mumbled against her hands.

"Cat, this is not your fault," Phil told her. "None of us ever thought something like this would happen."

"Yeah, you don't need to blame yourself. You need to blame the fucking cunt who did a photoshoot of our trashed apartments then stole your memory card," Leila said angrily, though her attitude obviously wasn't towards Cat. "Also, not that I even fucking care, but all hell has broken loose because of those pictures. But you might be concerned over the fact that people are freaking out, thinking we were murdered."

I was still scrolling through the pictures as I grabbed for my phone to check my Twitter account, which I hadn't even bothered looking at since before we'd found out about all of this madness.

"They think we're dead?" Cat asked, sounding shocked. "Well, it would make sense. None of us have updated any of our pages since way before those photos were posted."

"I'm shocked they haven't broken tumblr yet. I've never seen all of our tags be so popular," Phil said as he pulled his phone out of his pocket.

"One of us needs to call the Detective about this," Cat said as she stood up and stretched her arms while yawning. "I think I could sleep for 10 days straight."

I looked up from the overload of technology in front of me to see that Leila was also in on the phone madness. She held it up to her ear and I was kind of relieved that I didn't have to make the call to the detective about this.

I had too many thoughts going through my mind and I felt like I was going to explode. I was so pissed off that it was making me dumbfounded. I couldn't even produce a proper 'what the fuck.'

I focused on my phone, looking through all of the tweets I had. There were loads and loads of worried fans asking if we were okay, begging for one of us to post something so they would know that we were alright. Quite a few asking if we were trolling all of them.

And of course, there were the insensitive assholes making comments about my penis, and saying how the photo of Phil on the John had inspired a new fanfiction idea.

Fucking sick bastards.

I don't know what it was - but something made me snap.

"Phil, don't tweet anything, don't reply to anyone," I said sternly, looking up at him. "We're addressing this right now," I grabbed his laptop and got up off of the bed, moving over to the table to sit it down on top of it before I started arranging two chairs in front of it for Phil and I to sit in.

"Detective Brams and Detective Curtis are out of their offices," Leila announced as she walked back into the room that I hadn't even realized she had left. "I left both of them messages about what we found though... What are you two doing?"

"We're making a video," I answered once I had the charger plugged into the wall.

I motioned for Phil to join me and I sat down in one of the chairs. I realized then, that I had no idea what I was going to say. I had thought about just winging it at first, but I would probably end up with no subscribers if I said exactly what was on my mind right now.

"Baby?" Cat sounded hesitant and perhaps a little scared. "Um. Do you think you should probably try to calm down a bit first?"

"Yeah, maybe you need to take a bit to just think on it," Phil added.

They had a point.

I took in a deep breath and tried like hell to clear my mind. It seemed impossible.

"Yeah.. I mean, you're pissed off and you have every right to be, but you don't want to say something you'll regret," Leila said as she sat down on the end of the bed.

We all sat in silence for about twenty minutes as I collected my thoughts.

"Okay, I think I'm good," I spoke up. "But I'm still calling out the people who are actually a part of this, because it's bullshit."

Phil finally took his seat beside me and I glanced back over at Cat and Leila. "I think it's probably best if we pretend you guys aren't here. I don't want you guys involved in this mess any more than you've already been involved."

"We'll be quiet," Cat nodded and smiled a real smile at me despite all of the bullshit going on around us.

Phil took a deep breath and adjusted his hair a bit. "I can't believe  
we're actually about to have to do this."

"You and me both," I commented as I started clicking around on his computer. I opened up the webcam and without asking Phil if we was ready, I hit record.

"So as I'm well aware that most of you guys already heard about what's happened. Or least that you saw pictures of it," I began, and it was still evident how angry I was despite the fact that I'd calmed down a great deal. "I want to start off by saying thank you to everyone who messaged and tweeted me and Phil to make sure that we were okay. As you can see, neither of us have been murdered."

"But, our flats did get broken into, so as much as I wish I could say that those pictures of our apartments looking demolished were fake, they weren't."

"Right, you're not being trolled," Phil added. "Those pictures don't show half of how horrible it is. Many of our things as well as Leila and Cat's things were destroyed and quite a few of those things were not replaceable. Not only will Dan and I have to buy new cameras and equipment for work but we all are basically being forced out of our homes by someone who has crossed the line."

"Whoever broke into our apartments and posted our addresses online didn't just cross the line. They fucking sped over it in a double decker bus... But they aren't the only ones to blame here. If you were reblogging our address, you crossed the line just as much as whoever posted it did. How would you feel if someone invaded your privacy the way that someone just invaded ours?" I asked. "If someone posted where you live where thousands of people could see it?"

"I understand that we," I motioned between Phil and myself, "Put ourselves in a bit of a position for that to happen, but not to the extent that all of this has gone to. It's rubbish. Complete rubbish... And for those of you who have been reblogging the personal photos of all of us? You're rubbish too. Again, how would you feel if this were happening to you? Someone exposed pictures of you that you had no intentions of anyone ever seeing?"

"I'm asking this to all of you, please, if you have reblogged them, delete them. I've already gone through the notes on them and started blocking people from my tumblr account. So if you don't see me on your blog anymore, that's why. I know that might sound drastic, and ridiculous, but I really don't want to have anything to do with anyone who can't respect my privacy."

"I'll be doing the same," Phil nodded. "There are a lot of youtubers out there who never talk to their viewers and we don't want to be like that. We've always wanted to remain as close to all of you as possible but some of you seem to have forgotten we are people with lives and families and reputations. Like Dan mentioned, how would you feel if those were your photos being spread around? So, like he said, please delete them. If you have any respect for us whatsoever you will."

"Also, if you have any information on who posted our personal information and photos, please contact one of us with a message. We'll be checking our tumblrs periodically throughout the day. Whoever posted them is the same person who broke into our flats.. There's an investigation going on with the police, so we're going to find out regardless."

"We found the source of the photos, the following-Phan tumblr site. If you're following this person... You should unfollow them because they are obviously psychotic."

"Also, I saw a tweet or two asking when we'll be able to make new videos. I'm sorry, but you're a horrible selfish human being for even asking that question. Since all of our things got destroyed, there is no telling when we'll be able to get anything new up."

I glanced over at Phil once I'd finished with my rant. "Do you have anything you'd like to add to this?"

"Yes. I would like to say that I'm sorry to our fans who are loyal and completely supportive. You are the ones we make these videos for and sadly the rotten eggs of the bunch tend to spoil all of the fun sometimes. Hopefully all of this will be sorted soon and things can go back to normal."

I looked from Phil back to the camera and nodded before leaning forward to stop recording.

I didn't even check the time stamp to see how long it ended up being before going to youtube to upload it onto Phil's account, since his was the one that was logged in.

"So that's done," I commented as I continued clicking on the mouse.

I typed in the title which was - **Phandom, we have a problem - **then started the upload, which only took a few minutes instead of an hour because it didn't have any fancy editing. I logged out of Phil's account and went to mine and did the same.

I sent out a tweet with nothing but the video URL and then went to posted it on tumblr before pushing the laptop away from myself and turning to look at the girls who were sitting on the bed beside each other looking at Phil and I.

It was never this quiet between the four of us.

Cat was usually saying something ridiculous, Leila was usually smack talking me, and Phil was usually complaining about hunger.

Now? We had all be reduced to awkwardly shifting out eyes around the room because none of us even knew what to say to each other.

Cat slid off of the bed without saying a word and made her way over to me. She sat down on my lap and wrapped her arms around my shoulders before leaning down to kiss the top of my head.

I looked up to see Leila walking over to Phil and she did the same thing.

"Trying to comfort us?" Phil looked up at Leila as he wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Is it working?" Leila asked with a weak smile before she started sorting Phil's hair out.

"It's definitely helping me," I said as I looked back up at Cat, trying my best to smile. It actually wasn't that hard to smile once I looked up into her eyes. She always made me feel better, even at the worst of times.

She leaned down and pressed her lips against mine. "I love you so much," she told me as she pulled back.

"We should at least try to do something to keep this mess off of our minds," Phil suggested. "We could watch movies or something. Anything other than moping around in here." He then gasped and sort of jumped in his seat. "We could go to the zoo!"

"The zoo!" Cat squealed, her arms getting tighter around me because she got excited. "Aww! I wanna see critters!"

This was a perfect example of why Cat and Phil had become best friends. Also, the way Leila and I looked at each other and started laughing is a perfect example of why we had become best friends.

"You two are like little kids. It's so cute," Leila shook her head, still laughing. "I'm up for a trip to the zoo though. I think seeing the cute animals will be good for us."

"I agree," I nodded. It really would be good for all of us to get out of the bloody hotel room. We were going to go mental waiting for some sort of verdict as to what happened.

Two seconds after that thought crossed my mind, a phone started ringing and all of us quickly scrambled to see which one was ringing.

"It's mine," Leila spoke up as he grabbed her phone off of the table. Her eyes got big and she glanced between the three of us. "It's detective Brams."

"Hello?" she answered, holding the phone out in front of her. She'd put it on speak so all of us could hear.

"Ms. Faust, it's detective Brams. I just got your messages. How are you this afternoon?"

"Uh, fine, I guess, all things considered," she said.

"Alright, well, I wanted to touch base with you. I trust that you can relay my message to Mr. Howell, Ms. Radley and Mr. Lester?"

"Of course," she nodded, glancing around at us again.

"Okay. So we attempted to checked out the site that your lot told us about last night, but unfortunately, it was deleted before we could even look it up." He explained.

"Are you sure? We were literally just on it about an hour ago," she said as she pulled the laptop towards her. I saw her switch tabs on the screen and open up the webpage where the pictures had been. They were still there - however, once she refreshed the page, the invalid URL notice came up.

"Yes, we're sure. Is there any way that the owner could have found out that we were investigating?"

Leila looked at me just as I was looking up at her.  
"Actually... Dan and Ph- I mean - Mr. Howell and Mr. Lester posted a video about it, trying to get the people who had been reblogging the photos to delete them. He might have mentioned what was happening..."

Might have my ass. I straight up told everyone and I had a feeling that I shouldn't have.

"That explains it. Look, I understand that those photos were personal, but you really need to lay low about all of this, alright? No more posting videos talking about it, no more anything. The less they know about what we're doing, the easier finding the person who did this will be for us," he explained. "Also, we found a few sets of fingerprints around both apartments. We scanned them to see if they linked to anyone in our system but it was a dead end. I want you guys to come in tomorrow to have your prints done so we can make sure we didn't find any of yours... Look, I've got to go, but I'll keep in touch with you if we find anything else out.. Remember, lay low on the chat about what happened," he said and then the line went silent.

Leila sighed loudly and started rubbing her forehead.  
I was going the same because I felt like what could have been the case cracker in all of this had been screwed up because I decided to make a bloody video about it.

Cat cleared her throat and hopped off of my lap before holding her hand out for me. "Like we were saying. The zoo?" she grinned at me as though nothing completely shitty had just happened.

"The zoo," I nodded, grinning back at her.

Within fifteen minutes we were standing outside of the hotel to catch a cab. It wasn't raining, but it was really bloody cold. Not that I expected anything less from a January in London.

It took less than a minute before all of us were piling into a cab together, and the drive to the zoo didn't take that long either.

Once we got there and got our tickets, Phil seemed to have forgotten all about our horrible last couple of days, and was holding Leila's hand, jumping up and down, begging to go see the lions first.

I didn't really care where we started off at but, "Doesn't it make sense for us to just walk through the whole thing and look at the animals as we get to them?" I laughed. "I don't think the lions will be gone once we get to their den."

"But what if they're feeding them!" Phil protested.

"Then you'll get to see a lion mauling a Zebra," I laughed again.

"Dan!" Phil squealed.

"Zebra," Leila said using mine and Phil's accent.

I don't know why, but it always cracked me up when she did that.

"Oh my God, I think this is the first bit of normalcy we've had in days," I commented as we walked into an indoor cave-like thing where the snakes were set on display.

Cat gasped as she let go of my hand and did some sort of prancing thing towards this fucking massive yellow snake which happened to be peering through the glass. "Awww pretty yellow snake!" she cooed at it like it was a baby.

"I think she's lost it, Dan," Phil told us as he and Leila walked by us.

Leila let go of Phil's hand and walked up beside Cat then proceeded to press her face against the glass before she started making creepy fucking hissing noises at it.

It took me a few seconds to figure out what the hell she was doing, but when I did, I started cracking up again.

She was 'speaking parseltongue' like Harry Potter did.  
"Oh Jesus Christ," I said through my laughter, shaking my head as I looked over at Phil. "I never knew Leila could talk to snakes."

"Shhhh!" Cat spun around giving us both a stern look. "No one can know the secret," she whispered with a british accent.

"I'm honestly a bit scared right now. Can we please move to another section?" Phil laughed.

"Do they have fishies here?" Cat asked, looking up at me and looking incredibly excited.

"They've got everything here," I smiled at her as I put my arm around her shoulders, moving her away from the glass where Leila was still standing, whispering weird hissing things at the snake.

Phil had to literally drag her away from it and she continued hissing at it from over her shoulder, which scared one of the children who had been in there with us to tears.

"I'm going to make a great Mum one day," she laughed at herself.

"A great Mum?" Cat asked her as she snuggled against my side. "Bloody hell, you two are brain washing us."

"Muahahahahaha!" Phil laughed his evil, loud laugh as we exited and made our way to the aquarium which wasn't far away.

"Phil, that was scary too. I feel so sorry for your children," Cat laughed. I felt her fingers tickle at my side and I looked down to see her grinning up at me. "I don't feel sorry for ours though," she winked.

"You should," Leila laughed. "Ours would have our weird senses of humor, so that would be normal to them. Yours would just walk around calling people twats and shouting out obscenities at strangers!" she moved to Phil's other side so Cat couldn't smack her bum, because we all knew it was coming.

"Pholdy is just jealous," I smiled at Cat as I leaned down to press a kiss against her lips; but then I started laughing. "Pholdemort is such a relevant nickname for you, Leila."

"Y'all think just 'cause you're engaged you're soOoOoOoOo much better than us," she flipped her hair over shoulder. "Whateva," she said in our accent as she pulled Phil ahead of us. "We don't need them or their perfect offspring."

"This escalated far too quickly," Cat said through her fit of giggles that started when Leila flipped her hair over her shoulder. "All of our offspring will be perfect and they'll combine forces and be like the Power Rangers but way more cool."

"I'd rather them be like the Ninja Turtles," Phil replied and Cat looked at him like he was nuts.

"Okay, Leila. We better figure out a way to make our uteruses create turtle babies."

"Maybe the boys should start drinking turtle sperm," she said with a straight face then snorted. "Okay, that's disgusting... Do turtles even have sperm? I don't know how their reproductive systems work."

"Why the fuck is this conversation even happening?" I laughed and shook my head.

"I really wish I would think about things before I say them," Phil said as we all walked into the aquarium, I mean, fishie section of the zoo.

"I don't," Cat replied, laughing. "It helps make really interesting conversations happen."

"And really disgusting ones," he laughed.

Leila looked up at him, pouting. "Are you calling me disgusting?" she pretended to sniffle and wipe her eyes. "Fine then!" she let go of his hand and folded her arms as she looked at some clown fish. "I'm glad your brain doesn't have a filter though," she smiled over at him. "In one of your videos you said the word 'penetrating' and I laughed for about ten minutes over it," she nodded.

"Great story, Leila. Do you have time to tell it again?" I laughed.

Cat let out this very girly squeal before running over to one section of the tank. "Look! It's Crush!" she giggled as she pointed up at the huge turtle swimming by.

My fiance' had gone from her mid 20's to 10 years old in less than an hour.

"There you go Phil," I pointed at the turtle. "Want me to ask one of the zoo keepers if he can collect some sperm for you?"

"I never should have made that comment," Leila shook her head looking disgusted again before she wandered off a bit further.

"Horrible children we have," Phil commented as he walked along behind her.

Cat had gotten quiet and seemed to be in her own little world just staring into the tank at the random fish swimming by. "My Mom has a massive aquarium in our house in Louisiana," she told me out of nowhere. "I was obsessed with it as a kid. Actually, I still am. I like to sit by it and stare at the fish like a weirdo," she laughed.

She got a weird look on her face and then looked up at me. "Oh God. I'm like a real cat," she managed to say before laughing loudly.

I joined her in laughing, because what she said was hilarious. "We should look into getting one. An aquarium, I mean. Once we get all of this sorted," I smiled.

I could already see her now, standing in front of it with her face pressed up against it, staring at the fish and talking to them as the swam by.

The mental image made me start laughing again.

"That would be amazing!" she said as she stood on her tiptoes to kiss my cheek. "I guess we do need to start looking for another place soon."

Phil groaned. "I do not want to do that again," he sighed. "But I know it's necessary."

"I hope we can find places close together. It'd suck to go from living a few doors away to across town from each other or something," Cat added.

Leila got a sad look on her face and this time she wasn't being silly. "Yeah, that can't happen," she shook her head. "I'm codependent, and I don't care to admit it either. If I can't have you under the same roof I at least need you a few doors away from me," she told Cat then sighed. "It was perfect how it was."

"Don't be sad, sweetheart," Phil wrapped an arm around her waist and kissed the side of her head. "I'm good at apartment hunting. I'll make sure we all find something awesome and close together. Preferably in the same building."

"Yeah. Phil won't last long without daily waffle fixes," Cat laughed.  
"And I'll drive Dan insane because I think that a lot of my crazy gets released onto Lele. That did not sound good."

"None of us have filters," I laughed as I grabbed Cat's hand again, leading her out of the aquarium. "But you're right. Leila saves me from a lot of your insanity. Not that I don't want all of it," I added. "Plus, I can't be bothered to catch a bus across town every week to do the S.A.P," I glanced over at Phil. "So you'll have to work your magic and find something good for all four of us."

"At least it happened right when the free rent was about to run out," Leila shrugged, looking over at Cat. "It would have been bad to sign a lease for a long term stay for, well, you know."

"No more talk about adult things. We are not adults here. Stop the madness," Phil said as we all walked together.

"What shall we see next?" Cat asked.

"PENGUINS!" Leila shrieked, proving Phil's point that we weren't adults. At least not there. She pulled him over to the wall that overlooked where the penguins were at and Cat and I followed.

"Awww, you're so cute! So cute!" she smiled down at them as she leaned over the wall. She sighed and looked back up, "Okay, I'm good."

"Lions!" Phil squealed, pointing towards a sign that had a lion on it and an arrow pointing towards where they were at.

As we walked towards it I saw another sign that caused me to join in on the childishness. "LLAMAS AND ALPACAS!" I said, squeezing Cat's hand. "Okay, we'll go look at the stupid lions but we're going to look at the llamas after!" I demanded sounding like a 10 year old.

"I love how they're into llamas and lions and we were in there baby talking a snake that was longer than both of them," Cat laughed, talking to Leila.

"Lions are ferocious!" Phil defended, motioning towards where the lions were. They looked very ferocious indeed. Lounging around beside water and licking paws could put fear into any man.

"Calm thy tits, Phil. I was joking," Cat grinned at him. "Lions are definitely ferocious."

"Awww. I want one," Phil said as he stared at them.

A lioness roared loudly, causing Phil to squeal and jump back a bit and Leila started laughing. "Do you still want one?" she asked him.

"We already have a Cat," I smiled, looking down at Cat. "She's every bit as ferocious and she even knows how to cook waffles."

Cat nodded. "He speaks the truth. I'm sure he even has scratches from my claws."

Phil's eyes got wide and then he facepalmed himself. "Thank you for that," he laughed, shaking his head. "And yes, sweetheart. I do want one," he told Leila like the lioness hadn't just scared the shit out of him.

"I'm afraid it'll eat Timothy," Leila laughed. "Or one of us."

"Okay, okay. No one cares about the bloody lions anymore," I spoke up, tugging on Cat's hand as I urged her to follow me so we could get away from the lions and go to the llamas and alpacas. "Llama time!"

"Why did that remind me of hammer time?" Leila asked, chuckling as she and Phil followed behind us, towards the fence where the good animals were at. "Shew, llama shit smells worse than lion shit," she said as she waved her hand in front of her face.

"I'm not your friend anymore," I told her as I leaned against the fence, smiling as I stared at the llama that was closest to us.

A few seconds later I heard the familiar sound of a iPhone's camera taking a photo and turned my head to see Cat snapping a photo of me. "I had to!" she laughed. "You look so sweet!"

I was almost about to tell Cat to tweet that picture until I remembered what was going on in our lives outside of the zoo. It wouldn't have been a smart idea to show the public where we were anytime soon.

I moved away from the fence and put my hands on her hips before leaning down to kiss her. "What shall we do now?" I asked as I pulled away from her.

"Throw up," Leila flipped her hair again and I knew she was referring to the cute moment Cat and I had just had.

Before I could reply, Cat ran over, bent own, bit Leila's ass cheek and then ran away.

No. I'm not joking.

Did I mention she was flailing her arms and squealing as she ran?  
She was flailing her arms and squealing as she ran.

"Oh, my God," I laughed as Cat ran back towards me. She wrapped her arms around me and I think she was attempting to hide from Leila, who she probably thought was about to attack her. But she didn't. I don't think she even knew what had happened at first.

"Phil!" Leila pouted, pointing at her bum before rubbing it. "She bit it! Cat, you are so abusive!"

"Awww, my poor baby," Phil said as he just casually moved his hand down and groped Leila's ass.

Cat gasped. "Naughty Phil!"

"Want me to kiss it better?" Phil asked Leila in a seriously creepy sexual voice.

Leila made a scared face as she shook her head at him. "You sound like you want to-" she stopped abruptly and cleared her throat, shaking her head again. I think I have an idea of what she was about to say. "You got me right in my left ass dimple!"

"Awww! That's my favorite one!" Phil added, giving Cat a fake dirty look.

"I think we've all lost our marbles," Cat nodded as she peeled herself off of me and stood upright again. Several people had walked past and stared at us like we were mental.

"I'm so hungryyy," Phil whined as we started to walk away.

It felt like it had been days since I'd heard Phil complain about his hunger, with all of the madness we'd been dealing with. I didn't think I'd ever miss something so simple about how we act in our daily lives.

"I'm a bit hungry too," I spoke up. "What about you?" I asked Cat. "They have a little cafe here we can eat at, unless you guys are ready to leave, then we can find somewhere else to eat."

"I want chinese," Cat and Phil said at the exact same time before turning to look at each other and laughing.

Meanwhile, Leila and I looked from them, to each other. "Chinese it is," I laughed, shifting my eyes.

"Can we take a second to appreciate how weird that was?" Leila laughed.

We all continued to look at each other in silence as people walked around us. Once our moment of appreciation was through we all made our way to the exit of the zoo and into a cab.

It was a bit if a debate on which place to go to. Cat and Phil both wanted the place that was close to our flat, but we all knew what we shouldn't go back around there. Not until the whole mess with our stalker got sorted.

I suppose it was only a debate because the place close to our building was the only Chinese place we ever went to. I used my phone to look up a couple of places that weren't strictly for takeout that weren't right around the corner from our old building.

We found one a couple miles away and had the cab drop us off there and we all headed inside.

"Chickity Chinese, the Chinese chicken. Have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin," Leila sang as she tapped the end of her fork against the table.

"What the fuck is wrong with you today?" I laughed. "You're acting like Cat... maybe even worse."

She shrugged. "I don't know..." she made a weird, but funny face as she shifted her eyes around at all of us.

"This is fairly normal to me," Cat shrugged. "This is more like sleep deprived Leila and stressed out Leila though. It makes sense considering."

"So, when you two get sleepy or stressed out you just run around biting people's bums and speaking to snakes?" Phil asked and they both nodded at the same time. "Right," he nodded and cleared his throat.

"Don't you judge, Phil Lester!" Cat pointed at him. "I'll take you back to the zoo and feed you to the lioness."

"You don't have to take him back to the zoo to do that, har har," Leila winked.

"Both of you must need to hibernate," I laughed. "But really though, where is the foooooooood," I whined, rubbing my empty stomach. We'd already ordered, so now it was just a matter of actually getting our orders.

"In my vagina. Wanna go in and retrieve it?" Cat asked with a completely serious look on her face.

Meanwhile, Phil was choking on his sip of soda.

I picked up the chopsticks from the table and looked over at her. "I can go ahead and have dessert while I'm in there," I said as I bent down like I was actually about to violate my fiance with a set of chopsticks in front of everyone.

"You guys are making me horny," I heard Leila say in a serious voice.

Okay, seriously, I cannot handle these two when they've had no sleep.

"No the chopsticks!" Cat guarded her crotch with her hands. "I'll get vagina splinters."

Of course that's when the waitress walked up with our food. Needless to say, she looked horrified and of course the girls thought it was hilarious.

"Woops," Cat giggled when the girl had gotten far enough out of hearing range.

"She's probably damaged for life," Phil laughed as he picked up a bite of food with his chopsticks.

"One time a waiter walked up when I was telling Leila about the first guy I ever slept with trying to put his dick in my butt without warning," Cat informed us before popping a bite of food into her mouth.

"What the hell?" Phil asked, his voice much higher than usual.

"True story," she nodded.

"Er mer ger. Sersermer Cherkern!" Leila said excitedly out of nowhere. "That is a true story though."

"What did you even just say? And ow. I couldn't imagine getting surprise anal," I laughed then shivered.

"Sesame chicken," Leila pointed at her plate. "And from what Cat told me it wasn't much fun. How did you describe it again? Like someone punching you in the diaphragm?"

"Yes," she nodded. "I think he'd describe it as getting slapped in the face because that's what happened when he did that," she laughed.

"Did he intentionally do it or did it like slip out and go the wrong way?" Phil asked sounding oddly intrigued by it.

"I'm not sure," Cat tilted her head. "Either way, it was unpleasant," she laughed. "Slip out and go the wrong way," she giggled. "Help! Help! My penis has lost it's way!"

"That does happen though," I spoke up as I chewed. "I've heard stories from my friends doing it to their girlfriends on accident."

Leila grimaced. "Owwww. Nooo," she shook her head. "I would cry. I know I would. I mean, it doesn't sound that pleasant to begin with, but expecting it to go into your vag and give you lots of pleasure but then it ends up in your-" she scrunched her face up. "Nope."

"Well, it didn't like go in, in," Cat laughed. "It poked the area in a painful way and by the way, the reason it's not happened to either of you is probably because you have long penises which makes it harder for them to slip out," she grinned and popped another bite of food into her mouth.

Phil stopped chewing his bite of food and looked at Leila, then Cat, then me and shook his head.

"Great. I always wanted to know that about Phil's penis," I shook my head too.

"So did I, before I'd ever seen it," Leila said shamelessly. "Same for Cat and your penis," she nodded. "Not in like a weird way. Or maybe it's weird to wonder stuff like that? I don't know... But, it was just one of those random wanderings. Like if you guys manscaped or not. We both knew you did, babe," she told Phil with a laugh.

I felt like I was witnessing Phil's ego reach explosion level as she spoke. He was staring at her and grinning like he'd just won a prize for the longest dick in the world. "I feel special," he laughed. "I hope I lived up to any expectations you had."

"I am british and I walk on the pavement!" Cat said out of absolutely nowhere.

"Screaming nipples would be terrifying," Leila replied to Cat before looking over at Phil and grinning. "Oh, you are above and beyond."

"The way this conversation unfolded just now... I am fearful for the world if all four of us end up having kids together. Well, mini-Cans and little Phileilas," I corrected myself before Cat could mention us having a massive orgy.

"When you said mini-Cans I imagined those little miniature cans of soda they would sell at Walmart back home," Cat laughed. "Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Howell! It's a !"

We all started laughing at that.

"I thought the same thing though!" Leila told her. "I think you two would have a set of twins. A can and an oddly shaped child made of Maltesers. Dan would try to deny it because it would be the dark chocolate kind, but how could he really deny a Maltesers baby?"

I felt like I needed to grab my phone, get on tumblr and show both of them the random 'go the fuck to sleep' picture with the tigers cuddled up beneath the moon.

Which is odd, because a phone started ringing right after I thought about that.

All of us pulled our phones out, checking to see which one of us was getting a call.

"It's me," Leila spoke up, looking up at us from her phone. "It's detective Brams again," she told us.

We all watched her closely as she answered it and brought it to her face.

"Hello... Seriously?" Leila's eyes go huge and she shifted them between us. "Of course. We're on our way... Okay, thank you," she sat the phone done.

We were all probably about the explode from having to wait for Leila to tell us what that phone call was about.

"He said someone came into the station and confessed."


	36. Pholdemort's Last Horcrux

Leila's POV

We'd been sitting in detective Brams' office for over an hour and he still hadn't come to talk to us. I hated this 'hurry up and wait' shit.

It was silent between the four of us once more.

Cat was looking at her fingernails, Dan was chewing on the pen he had stolen from the front desk where we had signed in to the station, Phil was tapping his foot against the floor, staring at the clock on the wall as it ticked away slow minutes - and I was watching the office door for any hint or sign that someone was about to come through it and talk to us.

The reality of what had happened was sinking in again as the normalcy we had shared at the zoo started to slip away.

I'm pretty sure all of us were ready to find out who was behind the break-ins and further, the motive behind them. I mean... why would anyone risk getting thrown in jail to destroy someone's personal belongings. Even without that consequence, what would make someone want to go to those lengths?

What did they get out of it? What had we done to make them want to do it in the first place?

Of course I was upset about the things that all of us had lost but I was very grateful that none of us were there when it happened. It was obvious that this person had quite a few chemical imbalances to break in in the first place; what would they have done to us had we been at home?

A part of me thought that, perhaps it wouldn't even had happened had we not left London. That thought made me feel horrible, because I was the one who was behind all of us going to New York. But then again, what if whoever did had different motives than just breaking in? What if they had intended to kill all of us?

I couldn't let that thought linger. I was already terrified of the scary side of the Phandom. If I kept thinking like that, I would end up having even more night terrors about them.

The sound of the door opening made me gasp and jump in my seat a bit, but no one seemed to have noticed because all eyes were on Detective Brams and Detective Curtis who were walking in, each of them carrying a couple of cups of coffee.

"We're sorry we kept you waiting," Detective Curtis spoke up after he kicked the door shut. "We were questioning the suspect," he told us as he and Detective Brams started handing each of us a cup.

"It took a little longer than usual because she's a juvenile," Detective Brams rolled his eyes. "We had to wait for her parents to come in."

Woah, woah, woah. A juvenile?

A fucking child did this?! I mean, okay, I would probably still consider myself to be a child too. I still watched cartoons and used my fingers to count things... But I was at least legal. I didn't need my parents to sign papers for me.

All of our eyes were huge as we looked between each other and back at the detectives. It was obvious that I wasn't the only person who was completely shocked by this statement.

Should I have been?  
Probably not. But for some reason, I was completely baffled.

"A juvenile? You mean a twelve year old broke in to our apartments?" Dan asked sounding as shocked as he looked.

The detectives looked at eachother then looked back at Dan. "Not exactly," Detective Curtis shook his head. "The suspect confessed to creating the website but denies any allegations that she was the person who broke into your homes."

"Of course, this is still under investigation, but she claims that she has an alibi, as do her parents. They're in the process of getting more people in to prove that there was no way she could have done it," Detective Brams added.

"What about the photographs she posted on tumblr?" I spoke up. "She obviously followed us around and knew where we lived and even our schedules... Isn't that enough proof?"

"She denies those allegations as well. She says that she was paid by an anonymous source to post everything that was posted and took no part in the act of taking the photographs or breaking into the apartments," he sighed. "We will have her laptop soon to go through everything to see if there's a way to track the anonymous person but it seems that whoever it is was rather clever about covering his or her tracks."

"What the actual fuck?" Cat sighed as she leaned back in her chair and shook her head. "This is insane."

"Why on earth would anyone pay another person to post things about us? We're Youtubers, not the bloody royal family," Phil spoke up sounding as baffled as we all were.

"It's bizarre, I know," the Detective replied. "There's another thing," he cleared his throat, "she would like to speak with all of you."

"Why?" Cat asked. "I'm not sure that I want to speak with anyone who would throw someone's personal life across the internet for a few bucks."

"That's what I told her," Detective Brams mumbled under his breath before taking a sip of his coffee.

Detective Curtis sighed, "She was sounded very remorseful when speaking to us. That's another reason it took quite a bit, she wouldn't stop crying. She was sobbing, saying she had betrayed her family?" he laughed, shrugging. "We told her that we don't usually let suspects speak to anyone until there is some kind of hearing. Normally they wouldn't want to anyways. But it's up to you guys."

"I don't blame you if you don't want to," Brams cleared his throat. "I'd leave her to feel like shit."

Detective Curtis rolled his eyes at his partner. "Look, there's no pressure, but you might be able to get more detail out of her than we could. We don't really understand this whole internet culture thing... We had never even heard of this tumblr thing until we met your lot."

I don't know exactly what made me do it. Maybe it was the thought of finally finding out who was behind all of this. But I cleared my throat.

"I'll talk to her," I said, breaking the silence that had surrounded us. I could feel Cat, Dan, and Phil looking at me but I was focused on Detective Curtis. "She's restrained though, right?"

"Are you sure?" Phil asked, reaching over to pick my hand up. "Do you want me to come with you?"

I shifted my eyes over at him and nodded. "Yeah, I'm sure.. and you don't have to if you don't want to come," I told him.

"She's not restrained," Brams spoke up. "But we'll be on the other side of the wall, so if-"

"Please come," I said to Phil, interrupting the detective.

I felt like I had just signed up to walk into a lion's den.  
But Phil knew stuff about lions.

Oh what the hell am I even talking about? I really needed sleep.

Phil squeezed my hand and moved to stand up and I followed his lead.

"Do either of you want to come?" Detective Curtis asked, looking between Cat and Dan.

"That'd be a bad idea for either of us," Cat spoke up quickly. "He has issues controlling his mouth and I'm known for having a bit of a temper."

Detective Brams laughed. "Good judgement call. I'd hate to have to arrest either of you after the shit you've had to deal with."

"You two sit tight. We'll be back soon," Detective Curtis told them before opening the door.

I glanced at Cat and Dan one last time before following the detectives out of the room with Phil following behind me.

We walked through several corridors and got onto an elevator and went up a couple of floors before we got to the room the girl was waiting inside.

I could see her through the two way mirror with her face buried against her hands and she looked like she was crying.

Or maybe she was laughing.  
Laughing an evil laugh.  
Because she was going throw a chair at one of our faces and then try to kill us.

Woah, Leila, calm down.

"Basically, what I suggest you guys do, is ask her the basic things that we asked.. Like how she met the anonymous source, if the source told her anything, things like that."

"Ms. Lloyd," Detective Brams said as he opened the door. "We've got two people who would like to speak with you," he told her as he stood to the side so Phil and I could walk in.

The girl looked up at us and I swear she couldn't have been any older than 16. She certainly didn't look like an insane person.  
But looks could be deceiving.

She was sitting at a table with a cup of coffee in front of her. It looked so much like the stuff you see in cop shows when someone gets put in an interrogation room.

Phil and I sat across from her and then there was just silence. I don't think any of us really knew what to say.

Finally, she spoke up. "I'm so sorry," she said as she looked up from her coffee cup. "I know that probably doesn't mean much but I am. I never thought things would go this far."

"Why would you agree to do something like this?" Phil asked but it wasn't in a harsh tone or anything. Part of me very randomly wondered if he would be that calm if we ever had kids and they did something really stupid.

She sniffled. "They were paying me one hundred pounds per post," she replied. "That's a lot of money and I guess-" she paused, "I guess I didn't let myself think of how wrong it really was. I needed that money. I don't have the grades to get any help financially and my Mum will never have the money to pay for me to go to uni. I swear, I never would have done it if I knew that whoever it is would do something that crazy."

I pushed my hair behind my ear and tried my best to keep my poker face on. I don't know why, but I kind of felt bad for her. What she did was wrong, but she was young. I did a lot of stupid shit when I was her age.  
I still do stupid shit.  
Nothing like _this. _But still.

"I know you've been in here for hours being hounded for answers, but I want you to tell us what happened. Exactly what happened. Starting with how you even came in contact with this person. I think you owe us that much," I was surprised at how calm I was being.

She nodded and took a deep breath. "I got a random tumblr message a few weeks ago from this person. Their url was a bunch of jumbled letters and they had no picture. They'd reblogged a couple gifs of Dan and Phil and that was all that was on their blog They were asking if I watch Dan and Phil's videos. Seeing if I was a big fan or whatever. I didn't really think much of it. Then they asked if I would be willing to help them out. I asked with what and they said that they had a bunch of rare photos of you all that they wanted to post but they didn't really know how to work tumblr quite well. Looking back on it I guess I should've seen through that," she sighed. "I told them I would tell them how to do things on tumblr and they said they'd rather me do it for them and they'd pay me to run the blog. At that point I figured it was someone fucking with me and told them to fuck off but they said the could prove it. I gave them my paypal email and they put one hundred pounds into my account just to prove they were serious." She picked up her cup of coffee and took a sip. I could see that her hand was shaking. "So, I figured it was legit at that point and seeing that money just made me think that I'd gotten very lucky and maybe this was my ticket to have the money I needed. They send me instructions on what they wanted the tumblr page's name to be. When I made it, the layout did not have the photo of the apartment in the background. Whoever got me to do all of this apparently edited that later on. I didn't mess with the layout at all after the first day. All I did was post pictures. Everyday after that there'd be pictures in my email for me to post and every time I did it, I'd get money put into my account." She stopped again and ran her fingers through her hair. "I got to a breaking point though. I didn't like posting the photos. They were an invasion of all of your privacy and I felt disgusting for doing what I was doing. So, when they sent me your addresses to post, I refused. They didn't say anything to me. They shut down the tumblr they were messaging me from and the next day I got on to see your addresses in the middle of the shitstorm as well as the photo of your apartments on the background of that page which they'd changed the login info on so I couldn't get in to delete anything. I don't know if they convinced someone else to do it or did it themselves. But I never got a name and the paypal they sent me money from has been deleted."

I was baffled further by all of that.

Phil and I both just sort of stared at her as we processed that. I couldn't come up with something to say.

"Wow," Phil finally broke the silence. "That's all really...bizarre."

"You have to believe me. I-"

"I believe you," he interrupted her. "What you did wasn't right and I see that you know that. I just wish there was a way we could figure out who this person is and why they would go through so much trouble to do all of this."

"I've told them they can take my laptop and see if they can trace anything," she told him. "I'm willing to help however I can."

"Thank you," Phil offered a small smile.

"Is there anything else you two would like to ask?" Detective Brams spoke up.

"I would like to tell you both how sorry I am. I wish I could take it all back," Tia said, sounding like she was about to cry again. "Please tell Dan and Cat that too. I never meant to hurt any of you."

"I'll be sure to tell them," I told her. "  
We all make mistakes," I smiled weakly. "Don't beat yourself up about it. You learned from this one and it will make you a better person for it."

At least we knew there would be one less person invading people's private lives now.

Detective Brams led us out of the interrogation room and back to the office where Cat and Dan were waiting for us. Phil and I explained what Tia had told us and they seemed just as mind boggled as we did, which wasn't surprising. I mean, Phil had a point - why would anyone care to go through so much trouble to leak photos of us? We weren't the royal family.

Detective Brams told us that they hadn't learned anything new from our little chat with the girl and then asked if any of it was significant to us. We all agreed pretty quickly that it wasn't. They told us that they would be in contact with us in the couple of days if anything turned up once they got a chance to look over her laptop. After that we were sent to have our prints checked to make sure that the ones they had found didn't belong to any of us.

Once that was finished, we were free to go.

**8 months later**

"Phil! Dan drew a penis on our marker board in the kitchen again!" I called out as I opened the door to grab a bottle of water. "It's extra detailed this time. Veins and everything."

"I actually drew that one," Phil said as he walked into the kitchen. "I told him his drawing skills were horrible and if he insisted on us having a penis on our fridge that it should look like an actual penis."

What the fuck is my life?

Perfection. That's what it is.

To say that we had all bounced back from the freak show at the beginning of the year would have been an understatement. Things were even better now than they were back then.

Thanks to Phil, of course.

We had settled into our new apartments about a month after being forced out of our old ones; and instead of being a few doors down from Cat and Dan we were literally across the hall from them.

We never found out who broke into our old places - but that entire situation was so far behind us that it seems like it never even happened.

The pictures that were destroyed had been replaced with new ones. The video that Phil had made me had also been replaced by one he made for me for Valentine's day. He calls it _The real Valentine's day video. _More memories shared between us, and Cat and Dan had been made.

"I have no words," I laughed as I twisted the cap off of my bottle of water. "Are you finished filming yet?" I asked before taking a sip of it and pushing myself onto the kitchen counter to sit down.

I was taking a much needed break from writing because my eyes had started crossing from the amount of hours I had been staring at my computer screen.

No, I still hadn't finished writing my second novel. But I was close.  
I mean, a couple of pages left, close, but I just couldn't figure out how to end it.

"I'm waiting on Dan to get his lazy ass over here so we can finish it up," he replied as he stepped between my legs. "How is writing going?" he asked while he wrapped his arms around to my back and leaned forward to kiss my shoulder.

"Ughhhh," I groaned and threw my head back. "Horrible! I haven't even been writing. I've been staring at the document. Any typing you heard was me smashing the keyboard," I told him as I sat the bottle down beside me. "I just can't end it," I sighed.

He moved his hands up to my shoulders and began massaging them. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Ahhh. That," I moaned a little. I hadn't even realized how tense I was. I'm not sure if it was because of stress and frustration or the fact that I had been sitting in a chair in the same position for the better part of five hours.

"Maybe I should just give it a rest for a little while," I rested my head against the cabinet behind me. "And maybe put on actual clothes," I laughed as I looked down at myself. I was wearing yoga pants and a tank top, looking like I'd just come from the gym... only I don't even go to the gym. "Do you need help with anything?" I offered as I lifted my head up. I'd gotten kind of good at video editing over the last couple of months of living with Phil and hanging out with Dan.

"No. Unless you want to get naked and cover yourself in waffles because I'm hungry but would also like to have sex with you," he grinned as he leaned in and pressed his lips against mine.

Obviously Phil hadn't changed a bit.

Of course Dan picked that moment to knock on the door.

"To be continued," he winked at me and kissed my forehead before walking away to let Dan in. "Leila, Dan brought something for you!" I heard Phil call out a few seconds later.

I was hopping down from the counter to see what it was when Cat walked in. She was supposed to be working all day. "Don't get your hopes up. It's just me," she laughed. "I got off work early so I figured I'd come bug you while the boys do their thang."

"Oh thank God," I sighed. "I love both of them so much but they're no fun when they're working on their videos," I smiled at her as I grabbed my bottle of water.

"Like you're any fun when you're writing, Mrs. 'SHHHHHH," Dan called out from the living room.

Obviously Dan hadn't changed either.

I rolled my eyes but didn't even attempt to say anything back because he had a point. I shh'd people nonstop when I was trying to write.

"Did you have fun with One Direction?" I asked as we moved over to the dining room table to sit down. I closed my laptop and pushed it away from myself so I could actually focus on Cat and not stare at the screen hoping that the right words to finish my book would come to me.

"Oh my God," she started laughing as she sat down next to me. "Okay. So, I walk in and one of them turns around and looks at me all weird and goes, "Oh hey! You're Whiskers!"." She unlocked her phone and handed it to me to show me a photo of her with them. "They watch Dan and Phil's videos," she laughed. "It was so fucking weird but cool. Dan won't admit it but I think he's feeling quite flattered."

I looked down at the picture before handing the phone back to her. "I'm actually jealous. I want to meet One Direction... even though I only know that one song from like two years ago," I laughed. "Phil tries to act like he didn't fangirl when he met them but I know he did. They're so... dreamy," I fanned my face dramatically.

"Well, they know who you are too," she grinned at me. "They were talking about how funny they thought you and I were and said we should make videos like the boys do. They probably wanna do you. I'd totally tap that."

"I heard that!" Phil's voice came from down the hall and Cat rolled her eyes, laughing.

"I wouldn't want to do any of them, though. Their fans are batshit crazy. So that's a deal breaker," I rolled my eyes. "Oh, did you see the save the date cards I e-mailed to you at around 4 this morning while I wasn't sleeping like a normal person?" I asked. "I know we have fifteen months until your wedding, but," I shrugged. "Mom told me that we needed to get all of this taken care of now."

"Yes I did!" she said excitedly then clapped her hands. "I was lying in bed checking my emails before I got up to get ready for work and I sort of squealed and woke Dan up," she laughed. "Oops. I got excited. Have you slept at all?"

"I fell asleep for a couple of hours earlier. Phil woke me up because I fell asleep right here," I laughed then shook my head. "Then he started filming so going back to sleep wasn't a real option," I rubbed my face before letting my hands fall onto my lap. "Can you tell I'm running off of fumes and coffee?"

"Awww, bless your heart," she reached over and pet my hand. "Well, do you think I could help at all? I can make you some coffee and cookies!"

"COOKIES!" Phil yelled.

"No, but cookies would be good," I yawned and nodded. "So would coffee," I looked at the table where my bottle of water was sitting. "I don't even know why I'm drinking this," I laughed. "I guess so I don't break my kidneys or something."

Break my kidneys?  
What the fuck am I even talking about?

"Can you make Malteser cookies again, babe?" I heard Dan yell from wherever he and Phil were at.

She rolled her eyes but was grinning. "Yes, baby," she replied as she pushed back from the table. "Is it totally lame that I still wanna have little fangirl moments when he calls me babe or baby? I'm gonna marry the dude and I still get giddy over him. I'm thinking that's a very good thing though." She walked over to the coffee maker and turned around to look at me. "Which kinda Cat coffee is needed here? Like meth strength?" she laughed.

I smiled over at her and kind of got lost in a trail of thoughts about what she had just said.  
It had almost been a year since we came to London, which meant that both of our one year anniversaries were coming up - and still yet a lot of this didn't seem real sometimes. You would think after a while you would get used to how much your life has changed. But it was like every day I would sit and think about all of it and find myself smiling like a fool over it.

Firstly, my dreams had come true, and so had my best friend's. She was an important photographer bringing in well over six figures every year and I was a published writer who had that much sitting in the bank.  
It wasn't about the money, though, it certainly was a nice perk. Especially since we both had nothing this time last year and were busting our asses just to pay our rent.

And more importantly, and much less expected, we were both in love. Not only that, but who we ended up with were best friends! It couldn't have been more perfect.

Plus, Cat was engaged!  
Cat was getting married in 13 months.

It was wild. All of this.

"Earth to Lele... Did you fall asleep with your eyes open again?" Cat laughed, shaking me out of the trance I'd fallen into.

"What?" I looked over at her. "Oh, no, sorry. I was having a moment," I laughed. "Meth with a side of Coke strength, please."

"Got ya," she laughed. "I'm gonna have to go break into the Malteser's drawer at the apartment real quick. That shouldn't take long to finish," she told me as she walked out of the kitchen.

"Baby! I need the key!" Cat yelled as she walked towards the hallway.

"Dammit, Catherine Radley!" Phil yelled back.

"Oops," she laughed. "I forgot y'all were filming."

I heard shuffling against the floor before I heard Dan speak. "Are you going to get the Maltesers?" he asked and I heard something jingling. I'm assuming it was their keys.

"No," I heard Cat reply. "I'm going to go meet up with my secret boyfriend for a quickie."

"Which is code for she's grabbing the double headed dildo and we're going to have sex on the couch," I informed him.

"Phil, I think we've got more important things to film right now than SAP," Dan responded.

Cat laughed. "Oh yeah. That'd get some views and yes I am going to go get the Maltesers. Try not to miss me too much."

"I'll do my best," he responded and I heard what I knew was him kissing her.

I smiled to myself again. They were so cute. Even after a year, they were acting like they'd just started dating. That's how into each other they still were.

It made me happy.

"Thanks. I have a lady boner now," I heard her say before the door closed. The apartment was already starting to smell like yummy coffee. She really must have made that shit really strong.

"Is the coffee ready?" Phil asked as he walked down the hallway. "Is that the meth strength kind?"

"Huh?" I looked up at him but about two seconds later I realized what he had said. "Oh yeah, it's Meth with a side of Coke," I grinned. "It smells so good. My best friend has some skills."

He walked over to me and ran his fingers through my hair as he bent down to kiss the tip of my nose. "I hope you attempt to take a nap at some point. I can tell you're exhausted."

I looked up at him and wrinkled my nose, still grinning at him. "I am, but I was thinking just then," I explained. "About how happy I am for Cat, and how cute she and Dan are," I nodded as I reached out for his hands. "And that it's almost been a year since we met and how insane all of this still is," I sighed happily. "And how, a year from now they'll be Mr. and Mrs. Howell. It's so crazy."

"It is very crazy," he nodded, smiling down at me. "It's insane to think of how much our lives have changed over the past year. It's been an amazing year though. That's for sure," he said before kissing my lips. "Maybe one day we'll be Mr. and Mrs. Lester," he winked at me before walking towards the kitchen.

"Maybe," I smiled, resting my cheek against my palm as I watched him grab a couple of cups from the cabinet. Nothing really made me happier than the possibility of that. Marrying him one day.

I wasn't in any kind of a hurry for it to happen, but if he asked, I would say yes.  
I would have said yes months ago, though, so of course I would say it now.

"Leila, stop giving Phil that creepy smile while he's not looking," Dan said out of no where and I glanced over my shoulder to see that he was filming me.

"Never," I laughed as I turned my attention back to Phil, watching him like a creepy person.

Dan sat down at the table with me and kept the camera on me. "How's the writing going? Are you ever going to tell us what your book is about?"

"When I'm done," I answered him without looking at him. "Although," I glanced over at him, "I think I should make you guys read it after all of the hard work I've put into it," I said jokingly.

"I've been dying to read it," Phil said in a dramatic voice. "She won't let me and it's driving me mad! Mad, I tell you! I'll have that whole thing read in a day."

"I think all of you will, honestly," I raised my eyebrows as I glanced from Phil over to Dan.

"Someone is cocky," Dan made a ridiculous duck face as he rolled his neck. "I probably won't even have to read it. I'm sure Cat will be giving me a play by play. Also, thanks for making her squeal this morning. I loved waking up to that."

"I'm not cocky," I commented. I just knew things about the book that they had no idea about. "And you're welcome," I smiled. "I'm very excited about your wedding. If it were possible, I think I may be more excited than Cat is. I love weddings. I can't wait until she goes dress shopping."

Dan smiled. He looked more excited than he would ever allow himself to own up to. He wasn't your manly-man, but he was still a man. I don't think any man would start freaking out like a woman over their wedding day. "She's been browsing around online," he told me as he sat his camera down and turned it off. "Said she's trying to get an idea of the kind of dress she wants."

"I'm so glad she didn't pick some awful colors for the wedding or something," Phil said as he walked into the room. He sat down a cup of coffee in front of me before sitting down. "Of course, it's Cat. I wasn't expecting her to choose like bubble gum pink and cotton candy blue," he laughed. "I look good in purple and black. Good choices."

I heard the front door open and close then Cat came walking back in, her arms full of things for baking. "I brought my dvd of Beetlejuice that came in today if y'all wanna watch it later," she said as she sat all of the stuff down in the kitchen.

"How could we not want to watch Beetlejuice?" Phil asked her, smiling.

"Temporary insanity," she shrugged, grinning. We all had mega boners for Tim Burton movies. "What have y'all been doing since i left?"

"Getting all jacked up on your coffee," I told her as I sat my coffee mug back down. I could already feel myself waking up. That's how strong that shit was. I'd never done Meth, but I'm guessing it was easily comparable to it. "And talking about your wedding. But what else is new?" I laughed.

We literally had not shut up about it since Dan had proposed.

Or, well, I hadn't at least.

"I was actually thinking it might be time to let everyone else know," Dan spoke up. "We gave the massive shit storm more than enough time to settle, and we haven't had anything bizarre happen since new years."

A really loud noise which obviously came from something hitting the floor sounded out from the kitchen and we all turned to see Cat standing there gawking at Dan. "Seriously?"

"Did you just drop your soul or something?" Phil laughed.

"If my soul is a baking pan, yes," she laughed as she walked into the dining room and over to Dan. "Are you sure you want to do that?"

Dan nodded at her, "So long as you want to. If you don't feel comfortable with it, that's fine too," he smiled. "I just figured we should, since we actually have a date set and we're starting on planning everything." He shrugged and reached out for her left hand. "Plus, I want more people to know."

She sighed. "Well, I have a problem with it." Phil and I looked at her like she was crazy. "I mean, it's going to be really hard for me to just announce to everyone that the man of my dreams wants to marry me." She started to grin towards the end of what she was saying.

"Such a troll," Phil laughed, shaking his head.

"I'm down for announcing it whenever though," she shrugged.

"How about now?" Dan kept his eyes on her as he reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. "I think a nice little tweet should do the trick."

He didn't wait for a reply from her before he started composing a tweet.

I picked up my phone and opened up the twitter app that I never used because I still didn't have a twitter account and started typing in Dan's name into the search bar to see what he had done.

**Dan Howell (danisnotonfire) Catwhiskers are those wedding bells I smell? 15 months and you'll officially be a Howelling Cat! :) **

Cat peeked over his shoulder to read the text and her girly giggle flew out of her mouth before she squealed and then flapped her arms a bit. It was a mini fangirl moment. "I feel an overwhelming need to scream," she laughed and then grabbed Dan's face, kissing him deeply and giving no fucks about Phil and I sitting there.

I looked at Phil and he was looking at me with his nose scrunched up like he was grossed out. "Maltesers cookies!" he slapped his hand against the table and Cat started laughing as she pulled away from Dan.

"Calm your tits, Philertons," she pointed at him. "I'll make Leila smack you."

I picked up my coffee cup again and started to take a drink just as both of them looked over at me. "Ahhh, this coffee is great," I deflected the subject of smacking Phil, and Phil probably expecting me to take up for him. "That was cute, by the way," I looked over at Dan. "I'm actually proud. If I had a twitter account I would RT the shit out of it."

Dan grinned over at me but didn't say anything at first, as his phone kept vibrating. I'm guessing he was getting loads of alerts on twitter.

"Thanks," he finally said, sitting his phone down. "Ugh, I don't even want to edit the SAP," he groaned, planting his face against the table. "So. Lazy."

I couldn't stop myself from laughing. "Dan, you never edit the SuperAmazingProject. Phil does."

He lifted his head up a little before actually sitting back up. "Oh yeah. Have fun with that, Phil."

"So when are we going dress shopping?" I looked into the kitchen where Cat was at, preparing to bake delicious cookies. "Should I try to find some stores for us to go visit?"

"Oh my vagina," she said in a dramatic voice. "Wedding gown shopping in London. My can is broken," she laughed. "I have looked around but nothing stuck out to me. I think we should go to a bunch of stores one day when we're both free so finding some stores will be good. I already know what I want your dress to look like though."

"Do I get to see the dress?" Phil asked sounding a little too excited about it.

"Psh!" Cat laughed. "Phil, you're my bff with a penis and I love you with all my heart but I know that if that one," she pointed towards Dan with a spoon, "starts bugging you about what my dress looks like then you'll eventually cave because Dan has the power to be an annoying little turd," she laughed. "And yes, that means I'm doing all that stupid shit where Dan can't see my dress until the wedding. I'll also be wearing something old, new, borrowed, and blue. All that jazz."

"He can't see you at all!" I squealed. "It's bad luck.. or something, for the groom to see the bride before she walks down the aisle on her wedding day."

Dan was still sitting there with a pouty face from where Cat had called him an annoying turd. "Don't tiptoe around my feelings then," he said, trying not to laugh and look as serious as possible, but he ended up grinning. "I think I can deal without seeing the dress," he shrugged. "Do I get to have a bachelor party?" he asked, perking up a bit.

I looked over at Cat again and laughed. "I'm totally planning your bachelorette party," I told her then furrowed my brows. "Wait... we don't have any friends that could come. Unless you invite some of the girls from People, or some of your friends from Louisiana."

"Or we could all fly down to New Orleans and have our parties there," Cat suggested with an evil grin. "Oh shit. That'd be so crazy," she laughed.

Phil gasped. "I want to go to New Orleans!" He turned to look at me and grabbed my hand. "Can we go to New Orleans? I want to go to New Orleans!"

"Oh God," I started laughing. "Do you remember the last time we went to New Orleans? Because I hardly do..." I shook my head, but not at Phil, just at the very vague memories I had of the last time we'd gone there. "It is the perfect place for getting way too drunk, which I suppose is the point of those kinds of parties, so I'm down."

"Yes!" Dan said sounding victorious. "My first thought was Vegas, but I've heard about New Orleans. That's where they have Mardi Gras at, right? Does that happen around the time we'll be going there?"

"That happens in February and we're getting married in November," Cat laughed. "Though that would kick ass. We could make two trips. I'm sure Mom and Dad wouldn't mind seeing us. You guys should see if PJ and Chris are down for it."

"Will we get to see where you used to live?" Phil asked.

"Phil's a creeper!" Cat yelled.

He laughed. "No I'm not! I just want to see. You guys were all about seeing where I lived."

"Yeah, cause it's creepy like the house from the Shining," Cat laughed.

I looked away from Cat and Phil's little.. whatever the hell, and over to Dan to see him opening my laptop. "NO!" I gasped and lunged at him. "What are you even doing?!" I said as I pulled it away from him. I'm not sure why I was freaking out so badly, because it was password protected.

"Woah," he held his hands up. "Calm the fuck down, yeah? I was going to check out airfare and hotel prices for Marde Gras," he told me before laughing.

I rolled my eyes and turned the computer around to face me so I could type in the password for him. I quickly went to Microsoft word and hit the save button at least five times before closing out of the document. "There," I turned it back around towards him. "Sorry, but I've got like half of my soul in that story. I can't let anything happen to it."

"Oh shit. Watch out. I know what Pholdy's last horcrux is. We can destroy it and make her mortal again," Dan said teasingly.

"How clever," I tried to sound annoyed but I ended up laughing because, almost a year later, his Pholedmort jokes were still funny. I sat back down and picked up my coffee mug again. "Are you making us dinner, too?" I asked Cat. "I want a burger. In-n-Out would be soooooo good right now," I sighed.

"All I do is slave around in this kitchen all damn day for you kids!" Cat yelled in an extremely southern sounding voice while flailing her arms above her head. "Damn youngins'."

"Did she just switch personalities?" Phil asked me, laughing.

"I became my Mom," she laughed. "When the hell are you two gonna get engaged? I mean, come on. Me and Dan are like way ahead of y'all." I looked over at Cat and she was grinning at me as she licked cookie dough off of a spoon.

Yes, it was as sexual looking as it sounds and she didn't mean to do it.

"Seriously," Dan said without looking up from my computer screen. "I expected you two to be engaged way before me and Cat."

Laughing, I shrugged and glanced over at Phil. "I don't know," I said, looking back at Cat. "I mean, I guess I could ask him to marry me... Get down on one knee and give him a giant piece of popcorn with a ring in the middle or something."

"He would probably think you're trying to give him a blow job," Dan laughed at himself. "Or get so excited over the massive piece of popcorn that he eats it whole, and then ends up finding the ring in his poop. Then he would be forever confused wondering how he ingested it."

"Hmm, that's lovely, Dan. Thank you for that," I shook my head.

"What the actual fuck, Dan?" Phil laughed shaking his head. "When I ask and I will," he said as he looked over at me. "It will be completely unexpected. Don't you all worry about it." He winked at me and Cat squealed like a fangirl.

"I ship you two so hard," she sighed happily.

I felt all nervous and excited and just - I needed a keyboard to smash.

"Are they your OTP?" Dan asked with a laugh.

"Yep," she giggled. "I need a Team Phileila shirt. They were my OTP before we even met y'all."

"What?" Phil asked her, shocked.

"Yeah, totally!" she said as she shut the oven. Ooo cookies would be coming soon. "I could just picture you two together," she shrugged. "Apparently I have a good eye for these things."

"Apparently," Phil said as he leaned over to kiss my cheek.

Damn it, Dan. Get the fuck off of my computer so I can smash the keyboard!

I had a big cheesy grin on my face and I'm sure they could all tell that I was trying my best not to let my internal fangirling become external.

"She's like Cupid," I finally calmed down enough to open my mouth without screaming. "And it's weird to look back on when you would shun me on Tumblr when I would send you a message or something," I laughed and rolled my eyes. "I would be like 'Cat, he HATES me! Everytime I say something he ignores it!" I said dramatically and made an ugly cry-grimace face. "Fangirl problems," I sighed.

"Oh God," Cat laughed as she walked back into the dining room. She sat down on Dan's lap instead of another chair and kissed the top of his head. "She really did do that," she told Phil. "I would try to help her come up with shit to send you so you would message her back but you were a snob."

"I was not!" he defended, laughing. "Awww, my sweetheart." He gave me his best pouty face as he leaned towards me. He pressed his lips against mine and smiled at me when he pulled back. "I hope that I make up for the unanswered tumblr messages now."

"Giving her the D more than makes up for it," Cat laughed.

"Another reminder of why you're going to be my wife," Dan said, grinning up at her.

"I don't know... That was pretty heartbreaking back then," I shook my head then grinned. "Just kidding. You made up for it a long time ago. It's almost like you never ignored me, now." I leaned forward and popped a kiss against his lips then stood up from my chair to go refill my coffee cup.

I heard my phone vibrating from the kitchen and stopped mid-pour so I could go check and see who or what it was. It's so weird. I hate talking to people but I am extremely obsessed with checking any kind of alert I get on my phone within the first three seconds of getting it.

I unlocked it as I walked back into the kitchen to see a text from Oliver telling me to check out the BBC Youtube channel whenever I got the chance.

I finished pouring my coffee and went to sit back down at the table with Phil, Cat, and Dan. "Are you done over there?" I asked before taking a sip of my coffee.

Dan looked over at me and rolled his eyes. "Calm down. We're almost done. We've found a hotel already, we're just looking for flight prices now," he said, already looking at the screen again. "And they're up. I say we go ahead and book everything. What do you think, babe?"

"I think we should but Mama and Daddy will refuse to let us stay at a hotel," she laughed. "They've got enough room for us to stay there. Trust me. We lived in an old plantation house."

"Even better," Dan said and then started typing.

Cat pulled her phone out of her pocket and held it over Dan's head as she looked up at it. The position they were in with him reaching around her to type and her holding her phone up was absolutely ridiculous looking.

"Oh shit," she laughed. "Tumblr has exploded, of course," she shook her head. "Can is real! No! No! Phan is dead?," she laughed, reading things out loud. "Some Phans are so hardcore they'll probably say Dan is marrying me as a cover up."

"I was thinking the same thing," I laughed. "I think that they learned their lesson though on going _too _crazy over the fact that you two are engaged."

There had been a few minor shit storms since the incident in January, but nothing too bad. I think the two month withdrawal period when Dan and Phil couldn't make videos because they had no equipment made a lot of people think twice about what they were doing or saying.

"I hope they did," Dan spoke up. "Not that I care, really."  
He was so full of it. He tried to say that the things that people said about him and his relationship didn't bother him, but it was obvious to anyone who knew him that it did. "Also, we have our tickets reserved for New Orleans," he said proudly.

"Woo!" Phil raised his hands and did a little dance. Cat got up from Dan's lap and brought my laptop to me since Dan was done with it.

The scent of orgasmic cookies was taking over the entire apartment and Cat obviously noticed because she walked into the kitchen to check on them.

"We should probably go finish up," Phil sighed, sinking further down on his chair.

Dan groaned and did the same thing. "How about we eat some cookies first, yeah? Staring at the screen and typing in flight information has exhausted me. I need sugar and chocolate to energize me."

I was rolling my eyes as I opened up a new browser window. Those two were so lazy. I was too though.

I typed in BBC's youtube URL and glanced over at the kitchen to see that Cat was scooping the cookies off of the sheet. "Those are going to be so - AHHHH!" I squealed and slapped my hands against the table. I was looking back at my computer screen and could not believe my eyes.

**Living Wilde (2014) - official trailer **

"Oh my GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!" I screamed. I could see my reflection against the black video box and I noticed how big my eyes were.

I looked up to see that Phil and Dan looking at me like I was insane and I looked into the kitchen to see Cat looking at me like she was wondering what in the actual fuck just happened to me.

"The movie trailer is up!" I said excitedly, pointing at the screen with one hand and moving the other to my mouth, covering it up because I knew I was about to squeal again.

And I did.

Cat didn't even attempt to hide her squeal as she ran from the kitchen and over to me. She grabbed a chair and pulled it over so that she could sit next to me.

Phil was at my side just as quickly and Dan's tall, slow ass had managed to make it over as well.

"I think I'm gonna pee," Cat said as she grabbed my left hand.

"I think I already did!" I flailed my arms out, accidentally knocking my elbow into Phil's side. "Sorry! I'm just so excited!" I apologized.

"Well come on, play the bloody thing already!" Dan laughed, but before I could do anything he reached over me and moved the mouse so that the video would start playing.

I squealed again because fancy movie music started playing and there was a huge flash across the screen that showed Ben Barnes standing there looking 50 shades of fucking gorgeous. My fangirling was intensified because it was MY movie that we was playing in. Or well, my book that was turned into a movie. I don't know, but it was a great feeling.

Oliver had done a fan-fucking-tastic job on it. I could tell that much just from the trailer. There were flashes of guys making out, which normally wouldn't have done anything for me but it was Ben Barnes playing Oscar Wilde and I ship it, okay?

It flowed really well. Perfectly depicting the transformation of a guy living a really crazy double life; or as crazy as it could get back then. I could see the rise and fall of Oscar Wilde's life and the trailer only lasted for two minutes!

I seriously didn't know how I was going to manage waiting to actually see all of it.

The best part of it though - or well, the coolest part for me, was at the end, where it said based on a novel by Leila Faust.

IT SAID MY NAME!

I squealed again. "OH MY GOD!" I was so excited that I grabbed the first person that I saw, wrapped my arms around them and kissed them.

I'm really glad that it was Cat and not Dan. Not that it was a sexy kiss or anything.

I do think kissing Cat was relevant though. She was the one who had been with me through the entire process of writing that book, and pumping me full of chocolate when no one bought it.

She threw her arms around me and hugged me super tight. It was almost painful. I could hear her sniffle in my ear right before she pulled back to look at me and tears were streaming down her face. "I'm having a proud Mama bear moment or something," she laughed as she wiped her face. "Oh my God. That was so amazing. I'm so proud of you!"

"It looks beyond amazing, sweetheart," Phil added before picking up my free hand and kissing the top of it since I was in Cat's bubble and he couldn't access my face yet. "Seeing your name at the end of it made it even better."

"The only thing that could have made that better was if it said Lady Pholdemort instead of Leila Faust," Dan laughed at himself. "But really, that looks awesome. I wish it were coming out sooner... and oh my God, we know a celebrity now."

"I can't believe we actually just watched it!" I pulled away from Cat because I wanted to flail my arms again but I didn't want to accidentally punch her. I let out another squeal and turned to my right, because it was Phil's turn to get attacked. I grabbed him and forced him into a bone crushing hug while repeatedly popping kisses against his lips and then his face.

Once I got attacking Phil out of my system, I squeezed him a little tighter and let go of him and moved to stand up.

"Your turn!" I told Dan and then threw my arms around him. I felt his back pop. That's how hard he was getting squeezed, because that's how excited I was.

I was quite violent when I got too happy.

"Jesus on a jetski," he laughed, hugging me back. "I think you've broken a rib or two."

"Sorry!" I laughed with him as a I let go of him and stepped back. "I'm just so - ahhh!" I squealed again, flailing my arms and kicking my legs.

"Flipping the fuck out over the fact that you just got to see parts of your book you worked your ass off on come to life?" Phil asked, grinning at me.

"I'm gonna explode before the damn movie comes out," Cat said as she got up and headed back into the kitchen to finish up the cookies.

"When does it even come out?" Dan asked, looking at me as he followed Cat into the kitchen.

"Uhh..." I stopped flailing and suddenly looked really confused. "I have no idea."

"Really? You don't even know when YOUR bloody movie is coming out?" Dan shook his head. "If I had one coming out I would know every single detail about it."

"I'm about to find out," I told him, picking up my phone. I noticed that my hands were shaking as I tried to type out a text to Oliver.

**You big beautiful man! asdfghjkl! I cannot! The trailer was FLAWLESS! WHEN WILL I GET TO SEE THE REST OF YOUR MASTERPIECE?! **

Cat carried the plate of cookies into the dining room and I reached out to grab one. Of course my mind was all hazy and I ended up knocking my cup of coffee over with my stupid elbow. I couldn't even get annoyed though.

"Oh shit!" I crammed the cookie into my mouth and jumped up to save my laptop from the coffee flood. I closed it and sat it down on one of the empty chairs before getting up to grab a rag out of the kitchen.

"She's so excited she's just flinging coffee all over the apartment," Phil joked before taking a bite of his cookie. "Oh muh goff," he mumbled through the bite while rolling his eyes back like he was in extreme pleasure.

"Obviously Phil likes the cookies," Cat laughed as she sat down on one of the chairs at the table. "Gah, I can't get over how good that trailer was. We have awesome lives, guys. For sure."

I walked back to the table and started wiping up the huge mess I'd made all over it. "I know," I said, still sounding very excited. "You're a bigshot photographer, my name is stamped at the end of a movie trailer, Dan is up for the hottest lad award, AGAIN, and Phil is-"

"The luckiest man on the planet," he interrupted me and I looked over to see him grinning at me. I wanted to lean over and start attacking his face with kisses again, because he was too cute to handle.

I went back into the kitchen and tossed the rag into the sink and came back to take a seat at the table with everyone else. I noticed that my phone was flashing and I unlocked it to see that I had a new message from Oliver.

"In the first couple of weeks in February," I announced, looking up from my phone.

"New Orleans and the movie premier in one month?" Phil spoke up. "It looks like that is going to be a very interesting month."


	37. Nope

Phil's's POV

After a lot of time thinking over whether it'd be a good idea for all of us to attend Summer in The City 2013, we finally decided we would show up. It was odd to be going as a group of 6 instead of our usual group of 4. PJ and Chris were coming along with us. We actually didn't let anyone other than the event planners know that we were coming.

I'm not trying to sound conceited but madness would probably go down if we went and told people we were showing up before hand. Especially with Dan so recently announcing his engagement to Cat.

We'd decided against attending the first 2 days of festivities which were mainly indoor events. Sunday was the last day where everyone just chilled out and walked around the park near the venue. Fans could just come talk to us or whatever so there wasn't any real structure.

I held Leila's hand as we walked towards the park. There were a bunch of people there. It looked like way more than the year before. I was pretty damn nervous. You never know what to expect during those things.

I looked over at Leila and had to smile because she looked so adorable. She and Cat both decided to represent their men by wearing t-shirts that had Dan and I on them. My guess was that they would end up being asked for photos just as much as us 4 youtube guys would be.

We'd barely been walking into the park for 30 seconds when people started to notice us. It wasn't difficult to notice people stare then turn towards their fans and frantically say something while pointing at you.

The first group of girls to approach us literally skipped over to us with huge smiles on their faces.

"We didn't know you guys were coming! Holy shit!" One of them said excitedly. I was a bit shocked to hear that she had an American accent. It was rare to meet an American at SITC.

"It was a secret," I told her, smiling at her and her friends.

"I can't believe you two came too!" she said, motioning towards Cat and Leila. "We are so Team Can and Phileila," she laughed.

"Hell yeah, girl!" Cat laughed. "That's awesome. Thank you."

Leila looked relieved to hear the girl say that and the girl seemed to have noticed it too, because she started laughing. "Don't worry! I'm not going to shove the large end of a rake in your ass or anything. I'm saving that mess for one of the crazy phans that are lurking around here," she patted Leila's arm.

Leila was laughing, as were the rest of our group and the girl's friends. "That might be one of the best things I've ever heard," she said and instantly started laughing again.

"That was horrifically hilarious," Dan commented. "Funniest thing I've heard all day award goes to-"

"Maria," the girl introduced herself. "I just wanted to tell all of you that you're awesome and-" she trailed off and shifted her eyes, and all of us looked in the same direction to see what had caught her attention.

There was a bird in the middle of the field and that was it.

"Sorry, super A.D.D moment," she laughed. "What was I even saying? Ah fuck, I don't know."

We all laughed as well. "I think you might be related to Cat," I told her.

"Sounds like it," Cat agreed. "Where are you from? It's obvious you're not from around here," she laughed.

"Florida," she smiled. "I had to save for fucking ever to get here but it's been so worth it. This is just the icing on the cake. I adore all of you. I stalk your tumblrs like it's going out of style," she laughed. "That sounded creepy but-"

"We are the queens of tumblr stalkage. No worries," Cat interrupted as she pulled her phone out and did something on her screen. "Whats your url? I'll follow you."

Her eyes got wide and she stared at Cat like she went completely blank before finally snapping out of it. "Mine? Oh! It's professionalgamegirl all one word," she told her.

"Followed," Cat smiled.

I noticed she had a camera in her hand and motioned towards it. At this point there was a circle starting to form around us. People were keeping a few feet away so not to crowd us, thankfully, but it was obvious that people noticed we were here.

"Did you want to take a photo?" I asked her.

"If you guys don't mind?"

"Of course we don't!" Cat answered her.

We took a few photos with her and then more people began coming up to all of us. Some flipped out over the girls more than us which was hilarious because neither of them were expecting it.

People were even wearing Team Phileila, Team Can, Team Pholdemort, and Team Whiskers shirts. What made that even better is no one even know we were coming and they wore those.

Leila and Cat were both asking people who were wearing shirts like those if they could take pictures with them, which caused even more fangirling from them, because they probably didn't expect for our girlfriends - well, my girlfriend and Dan's fiance - to care so much that our fans liked them and shipped them with us.

Lots of girls were asking to see Cat's ring, which caused Cat to keep letting out her rare girly giggles. There were a lot of "Holy SHITs" and "DAMNs" getting thrown around because of it.

We got to meet so many sweet people and we got to see familiar faces of people we'd met the year before.

Once we got through meeting everyone in the circle that had formed around us we were actually able to move further into the park. There were groups of people spread around the grass sitting down, so we all decided to do the same.

"Nooooooooooooooo!" Dan whined, calling a lot of attention to himself. I looked over to see that he was holding a box of Maltesers upside down. "They melted! This cannot be happening to me! What is my life?!"

"Ladies and gentlemen, my future husband," Cat said while holding her hands out towards him.

"You should've known that was going to happen, Dan," I laughed. It had been hotter than Satan's asscrack as my girlfriend so elegantly said earlier.

"Yeah.. it's fucking hot!" Leila fanned her face. "You shouldn't be eating all of that chocolate in the sun anyways. You'll throw up," she told him sounding very motherly.

Dan rolled his eyes at her then proceeded to stick his finger down into the Maltesers box, scooping the melted chocolate out of it and eating it that way. "Still good," he shrugged. "You want some baby?" Dan asked her, leaning over and putting his chocolate covered fingers in her face.

She raised an eyebrow and looked at him like she was judging him but then suddenly leaned forward and managed to get all of his fingers into her mouth. "Mmmm," she made the noise loudly while sucking the chocolate off of him.

"I feel like I just witnessed something I wasn't supposed to," I said as I scooted closer to Leila.

"Yeah, Cat licking shit off of Dan's fingers," she pointed at them. "That really looks like shit."

"It tastes like chocolatey Dan heaven," Cat laughed as she wiped the corners of her mouth. "Stop being mean to me, gah!"

"Oh no. Don't do that. You'll have Whisker fans coming to beat us up," I replied before taking a sip of my water. It was really entirely too hot out that day. I don't know how either of them would even want chocolate and that says a lot coming from me.

"Whisker fans are Phil and Dan fans, doofus," she laughed.

"I know! You stole them," I poked my bottom lip out and she rolled her eyes before throwing her drink cap at me.

I turned to look at Leila and she had her sunglasses on so I couldn't see her eyes so I would know if she was actually comfortable there or not. It took quite a bit of coaxing to get her to come to this thing. She had her normal paranoia about hater Phans on top of the fact that no one ever caught the crazy person who broke into our flats.

"Are you alright, sweetheart?" I whispered against her ear before kissing it softly.

"I'm fine," she replied as she tilted her head too look at me. "Just hot," she looked over to her right and my eyes followed to see a group of people staring in our direction. "And a little bothered by that," she added without looking away from them. "I can't tell if they're over there judging us or if-"

"They've found your last horcrux and they're waiting to destroy it," Dan filled in. "Or they might be trying to figure out how to attack you so they can steal your organs and sell them on the black market."

That sounded completely ridiculous but I had a feeling that she probably had that actual fear.

She looked over at him and without warning squoze her water bottle in his direction, spraying water all over him and Cat.

"Oh shit! I didn't mean to get you too," Leila covered her mouth while Dan continued sitting there looking at her in disbelief.

"What the fuck!" he squealed in a very unmanly way. "Cat, you better get your friend before I do."

Cat sighed loudly. "Fine." She crawled over to Leila and then situated herself on her lap and proceeded to nuzzle her face against the side of Leila's head. "My Leleeeeeeeeeeee!" she said in a very odd, squealy sort of voice.

"Somehow I don't think that's what he meant," I laughed

"It's not," Dan sighed and pushed himself up off of the ground. It looked as though he was about to sit down beside me, but instead he leaned over me with his arm outstretched. "This is what I meant," he said quickly before pouring an entire bottle of water on top of Cat and Leila's heads.

Leila gasped and whipped her head around to look at Dan but he had already moved a few feet away from us. "I'm wearing white you shithead!"

"You are dead!" Cat squealed as she scrambled to get to her feet and started running towards him. It was amazing how fast her short legs could take her.

"I have another shirt in my bag," I told Leila as I picked it up. "I brought extra clothes just in case someone went crazy and flour bombed me or something horrible and Dan-like."

I held it up for her but snatched it back quickly when she reached for it. "You can have it in exchange for a kiss," I grinned.

She pushed her sunglasses up and smiled at me as she leaned in to kiss me. Of course I loosened my grip on the shirt and she snatched it away from me before she actually kissed me. "Aha, sucker!" she laughed at herself.

I went into pout mode, which I something I know she can't tolerate even when we're playing around. "Awww," she pushed her bottom lip out and leaned in again and kissed me.

Really kissed me.

The kind of kiss that I don't really like sharing in public.

Of course I returned the kiss. How could I not? It'd be impossible to. But I was finding it more and more difficult to keep from creating a tent of denim on the crotch of my pants so I reluctantly pulled back.

I cleared my throat and took a deep breath to steady myself. "Well. That escalated quickly," I grinned at her.

"Piggy back riiiiiiide!" I heard Cat yelling and turned around to see Dan running by with Cat hanging onto his back, people following behind them snapping pictures.  
Leila bursted out laughing as she watched the madness that was our best friends acting like a couple of little kids before she sighed. "I don't know what I would do without myself without those two," she shook her head and then pushed herself up off of the ground and glanced around the park. "Umm, do they have a bathroom or something here?" she held up the shirt I had given her while covering her soaked chest with her free arm.

I was about to answer when Dan ran by again. Or galloped by, rather, smacking his own ass, Cat still on his back.

Where the hell did Mr. Lazy-as-fuck get all of that energy to run around with his girlfriend latched onto him?

"Yeah," I said as I looked away from them. "See that little building over there?" I pointed towards the left. "They have bathrooms there. Maybe see if you can stop Cat and get her to go with you. Public bathrooms scare me. I don't want someone to steal you or something."

As if she received a signal that I'd said her name, Cat came running back over to us laughing loudly. "I left Dan in a sea of fangirls," she grinned. "And I gotta rock a monster piss, yo."

"Such a lady," I joked. "I was just telling Leila I'd rather you go with her to the bathroom so she can change shirts anyway."

"Good deal. Let's do the damn thing," she said as she extended her arm for Leila to take.

Leila and Cat marched across the grass and in the distance I could see Dan making his way back towards where I was sitting by myself. I couldn't believe he'd managed to escape the slew of Phans so quickly.

"I need a power nap," he said breathlessly as he plopped down on the grass beside me. After a few seconds he looked around and I could tell that he looked really confused. "Where is my fiance and your girlfriend?" he asked, looking at me with his eyebrows furrowed together.

"I let some Phans take them home with them," I shrugged, trying to sound like I was serious. "I told them to just make sure they fed them and stuff."

The 'not amused' look on Dan's face made me laugh. "They're in the restroom so Leila could change her shirt and your girlfriend could rock a monster piss, yo, as she put it."

"My fiance," Dan corrected me. "And that sounds like something she'd say," he grinned. "When are we having our picnic? I'm starving," he said while pulling his phone out of his pocket to check the time. "Woo! It's almost 5! I'm excited about the firework show later. Because after it's over, we get to go home."

"We can whenever the girls get back, I suppose," I said as I looked over my shoulder to see if they were on their way back yet.

When he said it as almost 5, I felt like my heart fell out of my butt. "Almost 5 already?" I asked, laughing nervously. "Time is going by quite fast."

It was obvious that Dan was judging me, because apparently he could read me as well as I could read him. "Yeah, it is. Why do you look like you're dreading it? Don't you like fireworks? Don't you want to go home?" his eyes got really big because he said the latter part in a very animated dramatic Dan way as he reached out and shook my shoulders. "I do." He let go of me and leaned back onto his elbows. "I want to be in air conditioning and have sex then play Skyrim and have more sex."

"What about sex during Skyrim?" I asked, laughing. "I wonder if someone has done that."

There he was, judging me again. "Ask Leila to try it out with you. I'm sure she'll love you paying attention to the telly instead of her while you're cramming an X-Box controller into her ass."

"Wow, Dan. Wow. You could have kept it as simple as her riding you as you peek over her shoulder and hold the controller behind her back but no. You had to talk about the controller going up her ass. I honestly do not know why I'm shocked," I laughed as I shook my head.

I looked over my shoulder and I could see the girls had been stopped on the way back. They were talking to a pretty big group of people. Leila even looked like she was comfortable. Her and Cat were talking and laughing together. It made me smile to see them getting along with people who were probably our viewers.

"I see the girls hit a road block," I said as I motioned behind us with my head.

Dan glanced over his shoulder and laughed to himself. "I've got a feeling they might be a while," he said, looking back at me again. "Did you think so many people would come around to them? I mean in the beginning there were only a handful of people who," he leaned forward so he could hold up his hands and curve his fingers into quotes, "shipped it."

I laughed. "Actually, I sort of figured people would flock to them. I mean, we probably hold them up on a pedestal. Okay, we do hold them up on a pedestal," I rolled my eyes, chuckling. "We're drawn to them. We spend all of our time with them and want to spend all of our time with them. I don't know about you but it's hard for me to imagine anyone not wanting to be around them except the idiots who sort of mindlessly hate them because they ship Phan."

"That's true," Dan nodded. "Wow, Phil. You actually make sense for once," he laughed. "But that's another reminder that we're both extremely lucky. Those two could probably attract any man who looks at them, yet they want two tall British guys with emo fringes and loud mouths... And what in the actual fuck are they staring at," he blurted out leaning his head forward.

I looked over to see the same group of people that Leila had mentioned earlier were still in the same place, staring at me and Dan.

"Hi," Dan lifted his hand and waved, because that's the kind of person he was.

It took a total of three seconds before they started coming towards us.

I wondered if they were coming to say something to Dan for calling them out, or if they were just nervous viewers who didn't know how to approach us.

"Um.. hi," one of the girls spoke up once she and her group of friends were in front of us. "Uh, so we were on Twitter and we saw something that we thought we should show you guys but we weren't sure if we should because.."

"Because it's none of our business, but we follow you guys on tumblr and we remember the big thing that happened at the beginning of the year with all of those leaked photographs and your addresses getting posted..." another one of the girls filled in.

An instant feeling of dread punched me right in the chest when they brought that up. None of us had really discussed that incident in months. Part of me knew we wouldn't be lucky enough to get out of that whole situation without something else happening but I had hoped.

"What did you see on twitter?" I asked as I reached back to pull my phone out of my pocket.

"Umm, 'following Phan' is trending," the shorter of the two girls cleared her throat. "I went to see what it was about and it's a twitter account with photo after photo of you two and your girlfriends.. from today. There are tweets too," she told us. "We're so sorry to bring it up, but we didn't know if you guys knew or not and uh the whole thing that happened before was just wrong so we thought you should know. So yeah."

"Oh fucking hell," I sighed loudly and looked over at Dan before looking back down at my phone which had finally loaded my twitter app. I found the trend and clicked on it. Of course I was having to go through tons of retweets. "Maybe these are just from people walking around here," I said right before I finally saw the source of all of the photos which was the actual account called 'following phan'.

"Let's hope so," Dan said under his breath as he picked up his phone. I could tell he was agitated because I was, and it took a lot more to annoy me than it did to annoy him. "Thanks for letting us know, though. I don't think either of us had any plans of checking our twitters today," he told them then focused his attention back on his phone.

After that the group of girls took it upon themselves to leave us be - because both of us were very invested in the screens on our iphones.  
"Fuck," I said under my breath as I began reading over the tweets from this person. It was instantly obvious that it was the person who'd been behind all of the madness we hoped we had put behind us. "I can't believe Dan is marrying that thing," I read aloud to Dan. "I think he needs an intervention."

I looked over at Dan and rubbed my temple. "What the hell? Do they think you're marrying an actual Cat. These photos are fucking creepy. They've been close to us the whole time we've been out today."

"Oh my God," Dan finally looked over at me and turned his phone around so that I could see the screen. There were two new tweets that had just been posted. The first one said 'Where are their girlfriends' with a picture attached that was of me and Dan sitting right where we were at looking at our phones.

Dan scrolled down to the next one just as I'd finished reading the first.

'Maybe I can destroy them like I did their apartments.'

A feeling of complete dread washed over me. I quickly looked over to where the girls had been standing to see that they were standing there posing for pictures. "We need to get them and get the hell out of here, Dan," I told him as I began throwing stuff back into my bag.

Honestly, I didn't want to leave. I had something important I wanted to do and doing it at home wasn't anything I'd planned. But their safety came first. With what the person said in that last text, I knew that I didn't need to take chances.

"Hang on," Dan grabbed my arm, his eyes were still focused on his phone. "They DM'd me," he told me and I leaned over to see what the message said.

'Leaving so soon? That's great. I wanted to see where you guys lived now.'

Dan's hands were shaking and he quickly started typing in a reply to them.

'Who the fuck is this?'

"Phil," he looked up at me when he was finished. "I'm not so sure we should go. If they follow us home..."

"Well what the hell do we do?" I asked, glancing around us like the paranoid person I was. I swear, I felt like my heart was about to explode. I kept glancing over at the girls to make sure they were still there. It was taking every bit of will power I had not to jump up and go get them to come back.  
"I don't want to put them through this again," I sighed. "Everything has been so great lately."

"I don't know, but if we leave, this fucking crazy cunt is going to follow us and she or he or they will know where we live. I would suggest going straight to the police but I've got a feeling that as soon as we go there, this account will disappear and we'll be stuck, yet again without any answers." He told me sounding very un-Dan-like.

I heard his phone beep and we both looked down to see that the person had replied.

'Send your fiance to the front gate at dusk and you'll find out. I'm sure she would love to see me.'

Dan and I looked at each other. "We're not leaving," he said sternly. "There is security all over the place, and if they're with us, they'll be safe. I'm not going to let anything happen to Cat and I know you're not going to let anything happen to Leila. I want this to be over," he told me and looked back down at his phone.

'She'll be quite excited to finally be able to introduce her fist to your face. I'll let her know. I hope you're ready. It's more or less your funeral.'

He typed the messaged then slid his phone back into his pocket before moving to stand up.

"What the hell are we going to do?" I asked as I followed him in standing up.

I knew that there was no way in hell that Dan was going to let Cat go meet this person. It was hard to come up with a solution to this issue that made sense other than that one though. If we called the cops then that person would most likely flee as soon as they saw one in the area. It looked like we were completely screwed.

"We're going to go and meet the psycho," Dan said quietly as we slowly made our way towards the group that the girls were still chatting with. I knew he wanted to make it look like he was going over there to tell Cat that she had an appointment to beat someone's ass; even though I also knew he had no intentions of telling her.  
"We'll be fine, and I don't think we should even tell them anything about the twitter account or the messages. They will start freaking out and we both know that Cat will jump at the opportunity to bash this girl's face in."

I nodded in response because we were too close to the group at that point for me to say anything to him without being heard. Leila spotted us first. Cat was looking down at something someone was giving to her. I raised my hand and waved at Leila hoping that I didn't look as petrified as I actually was.

"Having fun?" I asked when a few people spotted Dan and I and allowed us to step in next to the girls. I wrapped an arm around her shoulders and kissed the side of her head which was something I wouldn't normally do in front of a bunch of fans but I was feeling very protective.

"Yes!" she said excitedly, which was very surprising because I knew how uncomfortable being our fans made her sometimes. "These are the coolest people I've ever met! Look at what they made for us," she lifted her arm and went on to show me a very large picture of fanart that one of the people in the group had drawn for her. It was a really amazing and detailed picture of she and I with Dan and Cat.

I could hear Cat squeal and I'm pretty sure my heart rate picked up because I was already so nervous, but when I glanced up I saw that she had probably been scared by something that Dan had done to her - because he was standing behind her with his arms wrapped around her waist, being as protective as I was while looking over her shoulder at whatever she was holding.

"Can we go eat now?" Dan asked, and I had to hand it to him, he looked as natural and normal as he had before we found out that the stalker was after us again.

"Awww, do we have to?" she turned her head so that she could see his face and she grinned before kissing his cheek. Just about everyone around us said 'aaaaw' which made Cat start laughing. "I like these people," she said as she gestured towards them.

"Well, they're more than welcome to join us for our picnic," I suggested. Whoever this was hopefully wouldn't be stupid enough to try anything with people all around us.

"Really?" one of the girls turned and looked up at me. She had a look on her face that sort of said 'this is the best day of my life'. I selfishly wished I could enjoy making someone that happy instead of worrying about a psychotic person stalking us. "Of course!"

"Yay that'd be fun!" Cat said as she turned around in Dan's arms to face him. "Are you okay?" she tilted her head as she looked up at him and I think my heart stopped beating for a second. Dan was a damn good actor and even I probably wouldn't have been able to see through the performance he had going so how the hell could she?

"No, I'm starving to death!" he said dramatically, moving his hands to his stomach.

Nice save, Dan.

"I'm so glad you're having fun, sweetheart," I told Leila, trying to keep up with Dan in the acting normal department. I grabbed her hand and lifted it so that I could kiss her knuckles.

"Me too," she laced her fingers through mine. "But I am also starving," she laughed and glanced around before literally just collapsing onto her bum, tugging me down beside her. "This looks like a mighty fine place for our picnic."

"I don't care what they say about you, Pholdy, but I like you," Dan laughed, and the girls around us joined in on the giggling.

Dan pretty much did the same thing as Leila, fell to his bum and sat just where he had been standing, Cat sitting down beside him.

The girls and the guys who were there with us did the same and we made a little circle with the food spread out in the middle.

We were about to start eating when we heard someone screaming. Dan and I both looked at each other before looking for the source of the noise.

It was PJ.

PJ was running across the field screaming "NOOOOOOO,", Chris chasing him. "LET ME LOVE YOU PJ!"

"Just let it happen, PJ!" Cat yelled towards them and everyone around us was laughing quite hard at the little show we were getting.

Everyone was sitting around talking and eating their snacks. I was in paranoia mode. If any of them could've heard my heartbeat they would have known something was going on. I couldn't keep myself from looking around us every few seconds and I wanted to check twitter so badly. But I also wanted everyone around us to have their attention pulled away from their phones. It would only take one of them hopping on twitter to see what would happen and the girls would find out.

This was not how I saw this day playing out. I smoothed my hand over the small object in my pocket and felt hugely disappointed that my plans were being ruined by whoever this asshole was.

Leila took notice to the fact that I was zoned out. I felt her hand on my thigh and jumped a bit because it was closer to my pocket than I wanted it to be at that particular moment.

"Are you okay?" she laughed. I slid my hand down my leg and curled my fingers through hers so her hand couldn't move up any further.

"He can't handle you touching him in public," Dan commented as he put his arm around Cat's shoulder.

We'd all finished eating and now we were just hanging out, waiting for time to pass until the firework show started at nightfall.

And from the looks of the tainted lavender sky, it would be upon us within the next little while.

I had been nervous about the bloody firework show all day, but now I was nervous for a completely different reason.

**Cat's POV **  
The day had been going so perfectly. I was honestly nervous when Dan and Phil asked us to go to Summer In The City with them because I knew we had a lot of people on our sides but we also had a lot of people who were not at all. Plus, Dan had very recently announced the engagement so I didn't know if that would sway opinions. I was just a big ball of 'what ifs' until we got there and met some of the sweetest people ever.

It was so awesome to hear all the stories of how Dan and Phil's fans first discovered them and how they felt when they first saw us. I knew for a fact that Leila and I had enough little awesome things people had given us to cover a full shelf in our apartments.

I'm not sure how long Lele and I had been standing there talking to the group of girls we were with when Dan and Phil came over wanting to get some food. I don't know why but I instantly got this weird vibe from Dan. Something didn't feel right. I couldn't put my finger on it. His body language was the same and everything but somehow, something was off.

I ignored it though. I didn't want to nag him after asking him and him not offering the information if something had been bothering him. We were all sitting around enjoying the biggest picnic I'd ever been to. Tons of us were just chilling in this big circle talking.

By the time the sun had nearly set, all of those people already knew about how Dan proposed to me and the story of our hilarious Thanksgiving together.

"What time are they doing the fireworks, almost husband?" I asked as I leaned my head over on Dan's shoulder.

"Dusk," he grinned down at me, wrapping his arms around my waist. "So it should be soon," he said then kissed the top of my head.

"Another new experience," I heard Leila say and I looked over at her to see that she was smiling at me. "You know, the whole kissing someone under fireworks thing. I've never done that before. You haven't either, right?" she asked me.

"Unless you count me grabbing you and kissing you after we did those 800 shots of vodka on New Year's eve and Lorcan decided to nearly blow up the entire complex with roman candles kissing under fireworks then no," I laughed hard remembering that night.

Phil was laughing too but at the same time looked horrified. "I feel like you two had such a dangerous life before you came here. My Lord, all of these insane stories."

"I can't believe I actually forgot about that!" Leila said through her laughter as she shook her head. "Well, actually I can, with all of that Vodka we drank."

Meanwhile, everyone sitting around us was still cackling, making comments about how insane we are and how hilarious we are, and I'm pretty sure I heard a lone 'make out with each other now' but I pretended like I didn't.

"So, if you two wouldn't have met us, do you think you would have just started dating each other?" Dan asked with a laugh. "I mean, I've heard so many stories about you two making out, and seeing each other naked," he shrugged. "I ship it."

"Of course you do," I laughed, rolling my eyes. "If we didn't end up with y'all I know we would've continued to live with each other. I'm not so sure about dating. We both like penis, deep voices, man smells and man hair and whatnot too much." I leaned over and sniffed the front of his shirt. "Mmmm. Man smell."

"But you guys do have a lot of making out stories," Phil added. "Like, a lot."

"Oh yeah," I laughed. "I know we do. She's my bff. I can kiss her if I wanna," I shrugged. "I love her, she's sexy and she's a good kisser. That's all it is."

"Well, I can't argue with that," Phil grinned as he looked down at Leila.

She grinned back at him and scooted a little closer to him so that she was cuddled up against his side. "Same for Cat. I remember the first time we kissed," she started laughing. "It was when we first moved to LA and she snuck me into a bar because I was only 17... Lots of really creepy guys were hitting on us. We told them that we were lesbians but they weren't buying it, so Cat just grabs my face and starts making out with me in front of them, of course she also groped me in the process of it all.. Oh, what a wonderful night that was," she sighed. "I don't think I had even kissed a guy that aggressively at that point."

"Phil put your boner away," Dan teased. We all knew what stories of Leila and I doing things like that did to him. "I should probably work on putting mine away too."

"I'm sure that none of our picnic guests have issues with either of you having boners," I joked and heard a few of them agree with me. "But I think it'd be very illegal for most of you to see that," I laughed.

"Ladies and gentlemen!" We all turned to where a guy was standing in the middle of the part with a megaphone. "We're 10 minutes away from dusk and the fireworks show will begin soon after that!"

"Yay! Fireworks!" I clapped my hands like the child I apparently am.

Everyone began gathering their things to stand up so we could walk over to an area where we'd all be standing to watch the fireworks. Phil stood up and held his hand out for Leila but instead of just helping her up, he pulled her to her feet and wrapped his arms around her.

He was feeling extra lovey tonight. I was starting to wonder if he and Dan had snuck in some Pimm's without telling us.

I stood up as well and brushed the grass off of my ass.

I felt hands on me and looked up only to have my face smashed against Dan's chest because he had forced me into a hug. A really, really tight one. He kissed the top of my head before pulling away to kiss my lips. He looked down at me for a few seconds without speaking. "I've got to, what is it... Oh, rock a monster piss," he laughed. "If you see Chris and PJ make them stay with you. I don't want to have to search high and low for them when we're trying to leave."

There it was again. That uneasy feeling was hitting me. This time it was evident in his eyes. Something wasn't right. For some reason I had an overwhelming urge to ask him not to go. But it'd be a bit crazy to ask someone not to go to the bathroom.

"I need to do the same," Phil spoke up and I looked over to see he was still holding Leila. He looked away from us and said something to her I couldn't hear before kissing her lips.

"You'll be right back?" I asked, looking up at Dan again. I reached up and rubbed my thumb over his cheek right where one of his dimples was.

"Of course," he grinned, which caused his dimples to faintly show. "We'll only be gone for a few minutes," he told me before kissing my forehead and pulling away from me.

He looked over at Phil who seemed to look at him at the same time and within a few seconds they were both walking away from us.

Leila watched them just as closely as I did before she looked over at me and moved towards me. "I... have a weird feeling," he said slowly. "They were being.." she shook her head and rolled her eyes. "Well they weren't being anything but," she shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe I'm just feeling weird because of where we're at," she gestured towards some people who were standing in front of us wearing Dan and Phil shirts.

"Maybe so," I replied as I ran my fingers through my hair. "We're definitely out of our element."

"Ladies!" I looked over to see PJ and Chris approaching us with their own little group of ladies along with them. "May we escort you beautiful women to the firework show?" Chris asked trying to sound all fancy which did succeed in making me laugh.

He held his arm out for me and PJ held his out for Leila. I remembered what Dan said about finding them and decided I'd go along with it. The area we were in was getting crowded. "Yes sir," I nodded at him and grabbed Leila's free hand for us to walk together.

"Hey, where's Maria?" I asked Leila as we walked. I was trying to peek over people's heads to spot her. "I liked her. She said she'd watch the fireworks with us."

"Marriiiaaaa, MARRIIIAAAA," Leila called out sounding like the guy in A West Side Story as she looked around, standing on her tiptoes so she could see over the crowd. She ended up making her self laugh like she always did then shook her head. "I don't see her!" she glanced over at me. "Maybe she's further into the crowd?"

We 'excuse-us'd our way through the crowd a bit more, PJ, Chris, and their group of friends following behind us as we looked around and called out for her, but we still didn't have any luck with finding her.

The first firework explosion went off and Leila squealed. "SO pretty! Where is my boyfriend? I need Phil kisses," she said as she glanced around where we were standing.

"I'll give you some kisses, baby!" I said before leaning towards her and pecking her cheek.

Honestly I was wondering where they were too. Dan was fucking tall and I figured I'd be able to see his head above all of those people's when I stood on my tiptoes. I never saw them come out of the bathrooms.

The fireworks became more frequent though and pulled my attention away for a few moments. I pulled my phone out and was making a video of them in case the boys weren't getting to see it for any reason.

The entire fireworks show lasted nearly half an hour and I felt like I was almost deaf by the time it ended. I looked over at Leila and she looked at me. We were both wondering the same thing.

Had a Phan kidnapped our boys?

No, but seriously, we were wondering where they were.

"PJ?" I said as I approached him. "Have you seen Dan and Phil?"

"Uh. Nope. I haven't seen them since they were with you earlier."

"Come on. Let's go find them," I said to Leila as I grabbed her hand to make our way through the crowds of people walking away from where we'd been standing.

Over all of the talking I could hear sirens which wasn't abnormal at all for London but they did seem rather close.

"Cat!"

Someone screamed my name and I looked around but I couldn't see where the voice was coming from.

"Leila! Cat!" Whoever it was they sounded frantic.

"Who the fu-" I was interrupted by someone literally running into my chest. I grabbed the person's arms to steady myself and realized it was Maria.

She had tears streaming down her face and a look of complete terror on her face. "You guys have to come with me!" she told me, grabbing my free hand and trying to pull me away.

"Whoa, whoa! Calm down, what happened?" I asked, trying to keep her from pulling me. I didn't know what the hell was going on.

Suddenly I heard not one but a few very loud, horror movie sounding screams echo through the park. It seemed like everyone stopped and looked in the direction of where the noise came from.

My eyes focused on blue and red lights flashing through the trees and people running towards them.

"What the fuck is going on?"

"It's Dan and Phil!" she finally blurted out and I swear it felt like my blood went ice cold.

"What? What happened?" I asked, already sounding frantic.

"You have to come with me," she practically begged, losing her shit more and more by the second.

I didn't say anything else and everything after that felt sort of like a blur. I held Leila's hand so tightly as we ran, I don't know how I didn't break her fingers. We ran into people and probably knocked a few down on our way towards those lights.

I didn't know what I was about to see. I couldn't even gather my thoughts in the few seconds it took for me to get there.

There was a crowd of people gathered around the area and I couldn't see anything at first. A few people turned and saw Leila and I and the people helped to push us ahead. Most of them were sobbing and I didn't know why. I think I was in denial, not wanting to believe something could actually happen to either of them.

We finally got up to the edge of the road and a police officer stepped in front of me but I peeked over his shoulder and that's when I saw what I'll probably never ever be able to erase from my mind.

The man I loved was lying on the ground in the middle of the road, face down and motionless. A few feet away from him I could see Phil lying there as well but on his side.

"No, no!" I started screaming and I let go of Leila's hand to try to push the cop's arms off of me. "That's my fiance'!" I screamed at him. "Dan!" I screamed his name hoping that his eyes would open but nothing happened.

Paramedics were only then starting to rush towards them, and turn them onto their backs to start checking on them. I could see blood on the ground around both of them when the blue lights flashed. Everything was happening in slow motion and I couldn't hear anything but the sound of my heart pounding in my ears.

"You need to step back," the cop said again, pushing me backwards. Another joined him and started to do the same and it was then that I was alert enough to my surroundings to notice what they were saying. I was still crying, pleading with them to let me through, but they weren't having it.

I glanced to my right to see that Leila was standing in silence with her hands over her mouth, tears visibly falling from her eyes. It was obvious that she was in shock.

"This one doesn't have a pulse!" I heard someone yell from the road and I immediately looked back towards it. I couldn't tell who they were talking about but I could feel my knees starting to go weak as I continued to force myself around the police officer.

"No! No! No!" I heard Leila scream. I could see her pushing against the second cop, who was holding his hands out, forcing her back onto the sidewalk. "You need to step BACK, Ms," he told her sternly.

"That's my- that's my-" every time she moved and tried to speak he pushed her further away from him. I saw her arm shoot up and her fist fly forward into the cop's face.

I felt my body being pulled forward and I realized that it was Leila dragging me across the road.

"This is a crime scene!" someone tried telling us but neither of us were listening to anyone or anything.

Leila grabbed ahold of me and started crying as she looked at what was happening in front of us.

Both Phil and Dan had someone on top of them pumping on their chests giving them CPR, other people were wrapping their necks up in braces, and all the while, no matter how many times we screamed their names, their eyes never opened.

"He's fading fast! We need to get him to the hospital STAT!"

I think I was going into shock or already in shock that that point. Nothing felt real. It felt like my whole body had gone numb except this really bizarre empty feeling in my chest and stomach.

"Are you two with them?" I snapped out of it when one of the EMTs approached us.

"I'm his fiance'," I pointed at Dan as they were putting him into the ambulance. "She's his girlfriend," I pointed towards Phil who they'd just gotten onto a stretcher. I noticed how badly my hand was shaking when I pointed.

She sighed and looked around us before raising her arm to wave someone over. One of the officers who I'd not seen yet approached. "Can you take these two to the hospital please?"

"Of course," he nodded.

The woman quickly walked away and hopped into the ambulance Dan had been in. The back doors slammed on both of the vehicles before they each sped away.

I wanted to run after them. I wanted to scream. I wanted to throw up. So many horrible feelings were running through me at once.

He couldn't be dead. It wasn't possible. Neither of them could be. No. I couldn't even begin to wrap my head around the thought of that.

I barely remember walking to the car with Leila and the officer. I definitely remember Leila and I sitting in the back seat sobbing uncontrollably in each other's arms. I'd never heard her cry like that and I was pretty sure I'd never cried that hard either.

It felt like it took an hour for us to get there but we finally arrived at the hospital.

We were taken straight to the emergency room and the officer who had brought us there, left us there and went straight back to check their statuses.

We had been instructed to notify their families. I couldn't remember ever making a more horrible phone call.

The hospital wouldn't tell Leila and I anything. We still didn't know what had happened, or if they were going to be okay. Or if they were even alive.

Since both of their families were hours away, we had no choice but to wait for them to get there so we would know what was going on.

Leila and I sat together in the corner of the crowded emergency room. Or A&E as they call it. I kept checking my phone and I'm not sure why because I wouldn't be getting anything from the one person I wanted to talk to.

I couldn't remember the last time Leila and I had spoken a word to each other. There were no words that could be said. We couldn't comfort each other. We could only sit next to each other knowing that we both were feeling the most intense fear we'd ever felt in our lives.

My thumb toyed at the band of my engagement ring but I couldn't bring myself to look down at it. I don't know why but I knew if I looked at it that I was going to fully lose my shit.

My mind kept going back to having those weird feelings before the fireworks show. I knew something was off. I should've trusted my instincts. What the hell had happened? Why were they even in the road?

Those were the thoughts racing through my mind when Dan's parents showed up. I thought I'd puke before they came back from wherever a nurse had taken them.

I just needed to know he was okay and that he would be okay. We could get through anything as long as he was going to be okay.

I finally saw Dan's Mom walk out from the back. Her eyes were red and swollen from crying. I was on my feet and walking towards her as soon as I saw her.

She didn't say anything. She just wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tightly. Her body shook as she cried hard and a horrible feeling of dread made my knees nearly give out on me.

"He's alive," I heard his dad speak up. "And stable. They're taking him back for surgery right now. He had a little bit of swelling around his brain." I felt his hand touch my shoulder as he spoke to me. "They don't know anything from this point on, but all that matters is that right now, he is okay."

I couldn't even speak. I just gripped tighter onto Dan's Mom and cried along with her for a few seconds. "Phil," I spoke up as I pulled back. "Did you see if they would tell you anything about him?"

His mom shook her head at me as she wiped the tears away from her face. "They wouldn't tell us anything about him," she told me, looking over my shoulder at Leila. "I'm sorry, I tried to get them to. He's like a son to us but-" she started crying again and her husband pulled her up against his chest, holding her as she sobbed against it.

Leila hung her head again and buried her face against her palms.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw a familiar face and I gasped. It was Phil's brother walking out from the same direction Dan's mom had come from. I didn't even know he was here, and I hadn't even thought about him coming at all. But how could I with so many other things going through my mind?

"Do you know anything?" he asked, looking and sounding terrified as he approached me and Dan's parents.

"They won't tell us anything," I shook my head as I wiped my cheeks.

"I'll take you back here with me and you can tell them who you are," Dan's Mom offered and led him to the back.

I quickly made my way over to Leila and kneeled down in front of her. "Phil's brother is here, babe. He's going to see if he can find anything out. Okay?" I said as I pulled her hands away from her face and pulled her towards me so I could hug her. "He'll be okay," I nodded, letting a fresh flow of tears start to fall. "You know they're both too damn stubborn to die so soon."

She nodded and started to laugh but it was quickly replaced with a loud sob that cause a few eyes to linger our way. She wiped her eyes and sighed before finally looking at me. "I've never been this scared before in my life," she finally spoke, sniffling. "I'm so glad Dan's okay," she grabbed my hands. "Maybe he'll come out of surgery less lazy," she laughed weakly but again, more tears started to fall from her eyes.

I actually laughed a little bit too. "He'd have to have a full brain transplant for that to ever happen, babe." I took a deep breath and moved to sit next to her but turned to face her. "I've never been this scared either," I shook my head and swallowed hard. "I just wish we could see them."

"Girls?" Dan's Mom walked up to us and we both stood up at the same time.

"Phil is okay," she said and I could hear a very loud sigh of relief from Leila. "He had a couple of injuries but the worst one was a collapsed lung. He was without breath for a little while, and he's unconcious but he is still alive. They got him in intensive care right now, his brother's gone back to see him."

"Oh thank God," Leila grabbed Dan's Mom and forced her into a hug. She was crying again, but I knew it was because she was relieved to hear the news that he was okay.  
We all sat down together to wait for any updates on their conditions. I was so exhausted because of how overwhelming the situation had been and then feeling the relief of knowing that my worst fear hadn't come true.

We'd been sitting there for about 30 minutes when I saw Maria walk in and standing next to her were Detective Brams and Curtis.

"What the hell?" I said as I nudged Leila for her to look as well.

"Ms. Radley, Ms. Faust," they greeted us. Maria was standing there with her arms wrapped around herself looking like she was completely scarred for life.

"What's going on?" I asked, looking at all of them.

Detective Brams sighed loudly. "We've got a lot to talk about."


	38. Don't Fuck With Maria's OTP

Maria's POV 

"Mom, I swear to you that I am safe." I sighed loudly as I continued walking aimlessly through the park I'd been at all day for Summer in the City. Since I was in a totally different country alone, my mother was being more than a bit paranoid.

"Everyone has been super nice to me. I got to talk to Dan and Phil's fiance and girlfriend and they're so sweet," I told her as I turned to look back at the crowd of people all walking to the spot where we were going to stand to watch the fireworks.

I wanted to be down there but my Mom kept calling me so I'd walked away from everyone since so many people were talking and she couldn't hear me.

I leaned up against a random tree and listened as my Mom went on and on about something. I have no idea what because I wasn't really paying attention.

There weren't very many people around where I was. There were a few security guys around which did make me feel better.

But then I saw Dan and Phil. They were walking past me but were a few feet away so they didn't notice me standing there. They looked pissed off and I thought it was odd that they were alone.

"Mom. The fireworks are about to start. Yes. Yes. I'll call you when I'm at the hotel," I said quickly before hanging up.

I wasn't trying to be some some sort of stalker or anything but I decided to follow them to see if they were leaving or something. I was going to be seriously upset if I didn't get to say goodbye to them and the girls.

They stopped abruptly at the sidewalk and Dan looked down at his phone before looking both ways down the street. He and Phil stepped out at the same time and just as I took a step forward to follow along with them, I heard tires screeching against the road.

Dan and Phil both looked towards where the noise had come from but neither had time to react before the black car sped right into them.

I know that the scream that left my lips was probably deafening. Without thinking twice I ran towards the road.

The first person I got to was Dan. I dropped to my knees on the pavement which should have hurt but my adrenaline was pumping so hard I couldn't feel anything.

"Dan!" I screamed his name and reached out to touch him but then I realized his neck might be broken or something. As I was moving to stand up, I saw someone out of the corner of my eye and turned to see a girl standing next to the front of the car which had extensive damage to the hood because of hitting them.

She was wearing all black like she was trying to be some kind of spy in a movie or something.

"Oh God," her eyes were wide as she stared down at Dan and Phil lying on the ground not moving. "You weren't supposed to be here!" she screamed out of nowhere before slamming her hand down on the hood. I thought she was talking about me for a second but then I realized her eyes were fixated on Dan.

It clicked with me then. She had planned this. Obviously she didn't mean to hit Dan but it had been planned.

She turned around quickly and hurried over to the driver's door of the car. I could already hear sirens as I stumbled to get up as well. I don't know what really possessed me to do it but there was no way in hell she was about to just drive away.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" I yelled, grabbing her arm before she could sit down in the car.

She jerked her arm back and reached out to shove me out of the way. The open car door kept me from falling. "Mind your own fucking business!" she screamed at me, tears running down her face. She looked like a fucking lunatic.

"You just ran them over!" I yelled back at her. "You can't just leave. What the fuck is your problem?"

"Move!" she yelled at me because I was in the way of her shutting the door.

"No!" I yelled back.

She stepped up so that her chest was pressed against mine which freaked me the fuck out. "Do you not see what I'm capable of?" she asked, her eyes glancing towards where Dan and Phil were lying. "I think you should move."

I've never hit anyone out of anger in my life. Ever.  
Until then.  
I don't even remember thinking of it before my right fist connected with the side of her face.

She stumbled back against the door frame. I noticed that the sirens were getting louder and I could even see red and blue lights flashing in the distance.

Apparently so could she, because once she gained her composure and steadied herself against the car she looked to her left and then shoved me out of her way.

I lost my balance as I started to turn so I could chase her and I felt myself falling.

But I wasn't about to let her run away.

Just before my chest hit the ground I reached out and grabbed her pant leg, causing her to lose her footing and she fell to the ground in front of me.

She screamed loudly and started kicking her legs, trying to get out of my grasp. I had a death grip on her though. She wasn't going anywhere.

I crawled towards her until I was sitting on the back of her knees, her body flailing beneath me as she mumbled things I couldn't hear over the sound of the sirens, which were now right in front of us.

I turned her over to see that there was blood coming out of her nose and mouth and that she was missing a couple of teeth from where her face had met the pavement.

I settled my knees on her shoulders, pinning her against the ground.

"You are going to pay for this you fucking bitch!" she screamed at me.

With her broken nose and fat lip, the only thing she was missing was a black eye.

I happily decided to give her one. It's not like the cops would be able to tell that I did it.

I reared my fist back and punched her in the face again. And again for Cat. And once more for Leila.

Seconds later, two police cars which were where the sirens were coming from pulled up behind her car. I looked over just as two of the officers were running towards us.

"Whoa, Miss! What's going on here?" he asked as he bent down to pull me off of her.

"She ran them over!" I yelled, pointing at her as the other officer pulled her to her feet. "She did it on purpose and tried to run. I swear."

Oh fuck. The last thing I needed was to be thrown in jail in another country. My parents would lock me in the basement for life.

Leila's POV. 

I stared at Maria and I'm sure I looked just as dumbfounded as I felt by what she had just explained to Cat and I.

It was 7am, I had nearly been up for 24 hours straight but I wasn't the least bit disoriented or even tired. I was wide awake, running off of adrenaline, fear, and about fifteen cups of coffee.

I still hadn't seen Phil, and we had not been given any updates on his or Dan's conditions. We knew nothing outside of what we had been told before Detective Brams and Detective Curtis had found us in the A&E waiting room about two hours ago; _that _was making all of this harder to focus on.

I can't say that I didn't care about knowing what had happened, and who was behind this - I just cared a lot more about knowing if they were okay.

I had gone numb after the first few hours in the waiting room, not knowing whether or not the man that I loved was even alive - and now I was being told that this person, this monster had hit him on purpose? How was I supposed to process any of this?

I felt Cat's hand smooth over mine and I snapped out of whatever kind of trance I had fallen into.

"Ms. Faust, are you-"

Cat cleared cleared her throat very loudly to stop Detective Curtis from asking the world's most stupid question.

_Are you okay? _

Of course I'm _not_ okay.

Are you fucking kidding me? How could anyone be okay after this?

I wouldn't even be close to being _okay _until I saw Phil with my own eyes. Until I knew that _he _was _okay_.

I cleared my throat and picked up my styrofoam coffee cup and took a drink from it.

"Once we took the suspect into custody we had a look at her cellphone. The very first thing we discovered was the app she had open. Twitter," Detective Curtis spoke up without waiting for a response from either Cat or I. "There were several messages between she and Mr. Howell, which involved you, Ms. Radley, meeting her outside of the park. Were you aware of this?"

I looked over at Cat, shocked, yet again by what we had been told.

"What? No." She shook her head, a look of complete confusion on her face. "He and Phil said they were going to the restrooms before the fireworks began but obviously they didn't."  
"When I saw Dan and Phil walking towards where they were hit, they both looked so strange," Maria spoke up. "They looked pissed off, honestly. I thought maybe you all had gotten in a fight or something."

"Okay so," Cat sighed loudly. "The person wanted to meet me outside of the park?" She pointed at herself and the Detective nodded. "Obviously it was someone Dan didn't want me around."

The detectives looked at each other before looking back at Cat. "We have reason to believe that this is the same person who broke into your homes at the beginning of the year," Detective Brams told us as he extended his arms towards us, offering both of us a piece of paper. "Those are the messages that were exchanged between Mr. Howell and who we have in custody as well as some of the messages she had been posting on her account. It also appears that she had a personal issue with Ms. Radley, as she specifically asked for you to meet her in the location of the accident."

"We believe she had imagined a different outcome," Detective Curtis said as he folded his hands on the table. "It seems as though she wanted you to be her victim," he looked directly at Cat.

Just when I thought I couldn't feel any more disgusted or nauseated.

"And it makes sense," Maria spoke up again, "because right after she hit them, and saw them, she started screaming about how 'he wasn't supposed to be there' and she was looking at Dan when she said it."

Cat hadn't reacted yet. Her eyes were glued to the piece of paper that had the texts between the psycho and Dan. I wasn't sure if she was even breathing. It almost startled me when she finally spoke.

"You're telling me that they are back there dealing with God knows what and-" she paused and closed her eyes as she shook her head. "He should've just told me. It should've been me." She was nearly yelling at that point and she slammed the paper down on the table before standing up and running her fingers through her hair. "Who the fuck is this person?"

"Cat, please," I said quietly as I reached out for her arm, but was too afraid to actually touch her. "Just, sit down." I could understand why she was livid - but I couldn't agree that it should have been her. It shouldn't have been anyone. No one should have gotten hurt. I couldn't imagine losing Phil. I couldn't imagine losing Dan. And I certainly couldn't imagine losing my best friend.

Detective Brams cleared his throat to get our attention and when I looked over at him I could see that he was holding another piece of paper in his hands. As I stared at it I noticed that it was picture paper.

He shifted his eyes to Detective Curtis and he slowly turned the picture around so that we could see it.

My eyes were so wide that they were nearly bulging out of their sockets.

"Her name is-"

"McKenzie!" Cat and I both screamed.

I could not believe this. That stupid, manipulative, crazy fucking piece of work is the person who was behind all of this?

The detectives looked so confused. "You know her?" Curtis asked curiously.

"Yes!" Cat yelled, not directing her yelling towards him. I think it was mostly the shock we were both feeling. "She lived across from us. She had a thing for Dan and tried pretty damn hard to break us up. We thought she moved back to the states." She turned to look at me and I'm pretty sure I'd never seen her so mad. "How could we not figure that out? That stupid fucking whore."

"We thought she was gone," I shrugged. I didn't realize it just then, but my entire body was shaking. "That fucking cunt! Oh my God. She better be glad that she's already in jail because I literally want to k-"

"Ms. Faust, we're on your side, but we're both still law enforcement," Detective Brams stifled a smile as he looked at me trying to remain as stern as possible. "She's in our custody and she's not going to be out of it any time soon."

"As far you thinking that she was gone," Detective Curtis spoke up. "She gained citizenship here last year, so we have no reason to believe that she ever left at all. I'm not sure if this is something she was conspiring to do or-"

"It is," I interrupted, looking away from him and over at Cat. "She's been planning all of this... It's so obvious now," I shook my head. "When she kissed Dan... Dan told me that entire story in detail. I specifically remember him saying that she told him 'I'll see you next year.' She was getting back at him, back at you, back at me, and Phil, even. She didn't want us to know that she was still around. Think about it. The video she posted, our apartments getting broken into, the photos she released... The video was obviously put up by her, but the rest? How were we supposed to know she was behind it when she was supposed to be gone?"

"I can't believe this," Cat said as she sat down again. "It all makes sense now. I feel so stupid for not putting more thought into the possibility that whoever was doing this shit could be her. I knew she was out there but I never thought she was capable of this insanity. She was going to try to kill me."

The Detectives questioned us about McKenzie for a good hour or so, asking us for every detail of every encounter we had ever had with her. We had to relive a lot of memories that I'm sure Cat and I both would have prefered to leave in the past; but it seemed to have been a bit of a distraction for both of us, even if it was a bad one. It stopped us from thinking about the horror that was our lives at that particular moment.

Though, once Detective Brams and Detective Curtis left us, we were left with the harsh reality.

Both of the men we loved were fighting for their lives because of her. Because of jealousy, or envy, or whatever the fuck it was that made McKenzie go to such a length to make herself feel better about the fact that Dan didn't want her.

We were in a different waiting room now. The one outside of the intensive care unit where Phil already was and where we were told Dan would be moved to once his surgery was over.

No one else was in the room with us which I was thankful for. We needed to be alone to process everything or at least make ourselves come out of being in shock.

"I feel like this is all my fault," Cat finally spoke and I looked over at her to see her leaning her head against the wall and staring up at the ceiling. "It's irrational and I know that but the fact that she was after me and they got hurt. I can't handle that."

"It wasn't your fault though," I said, sitting up a bit so that I could face her. "I understand why you feel that way but-" I sighed. "I know that you would never want Dan to get hurt over anything, especially not over you, but would you want him to be you right now?"

We both might have been physically well, but the mental turmoil from all of this was completely unexplainable.

"If it would have been you.." I trailed off because I could feel tears welling behind my eyes. The thought of Cat being in their place was just as devastating as what had actually happened. "Please, don't blame yourself," I wiped the tears away from my eyes and leaned my head onto Cat's arm before I wrapped my arms around her. "They're going to be okay. We're all going to be okay."

We had to be.

She wrapped her arms around me and I could feel her shaking a bit because she was crying. Part of me wished a nurse would come in and offer to medicate us into oblivion. I wanted to just wake up from this insane nightmare.

"Leila Faust?" A woman spoke my name and Cat and I pulled away from each other wiping our eyes as we looked over at her.

"That's me."

She was a middle aged woman with short red hair who had a very pretty smile. "Your boyfriend is asking for you."

I could feel more tears running down my cheeks as I stared at her like a deer in headlights. It felt like the elephant that had been sitting on my chest all this time had finally been lifted and I could breathe again. "He's - he's awake?" I asked.

The woman nodded at me, still smiling her sweet smile.

I looked over at Cat and grabbed her to hug her again. "Thank God," I squeezed her tightly then started pull back a bit so I could see her face. "Dan is going to be fine, okay?" I stared at her for a few seconds then took in a deep breath and moved to stand up.

The woman waited for me to get closer to her before she started leading out of the waiting room and down a long hallway to a set of double doors. She scanned her name badge against a little black box and the doors opened, revealing a very large room.

There were doctors and nurses everywhere coming in and out of the rooms in the unit.

"Here you are," she grinned and gestured towards the door in front of us. "He's on a lot of pain medication, so he might be a bit.. out of it," she laughed. "He's also got a lot of lines running in and out of him.. I wanted to let you know so you don't get scared when you see him. He just woke up, but he's very alert."

I tried my best to actually pay attention to her, but the anticipation of seeing him made it very hard to focus on what she was saying.

"If either of you need anything, I'll be right over there," she smiled and patted my shoulder before walking away.

With another deep breath, I pushed the door open and slowly walked inside. I tried to use those last few seconds before I rounded the corner of his room to mentally prepare myself for what I was about to see because I wasn't sure what to expect.

"Oh my God," I cried as soon as my eyes fell upon him. He was lying in bed and aside from all of the wires and things hooked up to him and the cast on his arm, he looked fine. He looked like my Phil.

I closed the space between where he was laying and where I was standing and I grabbed his uncasted hand. I wanted to latch onto him and squeeze him, but I didn't want to cause him any more pain. "You're okay. Oh my God, I'm so glad you're okay," I continued crying, burying my face against his arm as I sat down in the chair by his bed.

I felt his fingers move through my hair softly. "Sweetheart, please don't cry." His voice was hoarse and he sounded sort of drunk. "Wow. Your hair is so soft," he giggled as he began petting the back of my head. "Why the bloody hell did I get hit by a car? I don't remember thinking that was a very good idea."

I lifted my head up so I could look at him and I couldn't help but to laugh. "You're as high as a kite," I shook my head. The nurse had warned me that he might be a bit loopy, now that I think about it. "Well you didn't do it on purpose. You're smarter than that," I wiped my eyes on the back of my hand, still smiling at him. I didn't care about anything else right now. Phil was okay. Nothing else mattered. "McKenzie did it," I told him as I reached up and stroked his cheek.

"What?!" he asked in his loud, high pitched voice he randomly used. "Are you fucking kidding me?" He attempted to sit up on the bed but immediately winced and laid back again. "That was not smart," he sighed and rubbed the side of his face. "Are they sure it was her?"

"Shhh, please, try to relax. You've been through a lot," I said quietly , grabbing his hand again and lacing my fingers through his. "They are. Maria saw her.. she saw all of it. If it wasn't for her, she would have gotten away... They've got her though," I explained, unsure if I should tell him that McKenzie was also behind breaking into our apartments. "She won't be able to hurt any of us again."

He had a very confused look on his face. It almost looked like he was actually straining to think about something. Then his eyes got big and his mouth popped open. "Dan. Where is Dan? Is he okay?" he asked, obviously remembering what actually happened.

"He's in surgery," I shifted my eyes to our hands for a few seconds before looking at him again. "He had a little bit of swelling around his brain from the accident.. We haven't heard anything since they took him back for it." I hated having to tell him that. I didn't want him to worry, but I knew it was inevitable.

"What?" This time his voice was not high pitched or angry. He sounded more like a little boy. A very sad little boy. "No," he shook his head and I could see his bottom lip starting to quiver.

Oh God. I did not think I could mentally or physically handle seeing him cry in front of me.

"He's my best friend. If something happens to him I-" he stopped talking because his voice cracked a bit since he was getting emotional and he just looked down at our hands together.

"Hey," I spoke softly, reaching out again so I could cup his cheek. "He's going to be fine, okay? He's Dan... Nothing is going to happen to him. He's going to come out of surgery, and wake up and start talking about placentas and Maltesers," I laughed but it was very weak.

He nodded but didn't say anything for a few seconds. I think he was trying to get a hold on his emotions. He kept his eyes downwards and started at our fingers together. "Whatever they have me on has me feeling quite floaty," he finally spoke up, laughing lightly. "When can we go home? I want our bed. I want waffles."

"As soon as you get better," I smiled at him and looked down at the tube beside our hands. I wasn't sure if he had even noticed that it was there or not, but one end of it was hidden under his gown by his chest. I didn't want to know what it was for, or why there was blood inside of it. "When you get to come home I'll make you waffles and you can eat them in our bed," I looked back up at him. "And we'll have lots and lots of sex," I added in an attempt to cheer him up. I mean, I knew that it wouldn't take away any worry or any pain, but I - I don't know. I didn't want to see him upset. It was heartbreaking.

His lips curved into a smile and he tilted his head as he looked at me. "I love the sound of that," he sighed happily. "You're so beautiful. Seriously. I think you are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen and you're aaaaaall mine," he grinned lazily. "I win."

I laughed and pulled our hands against my chest as I leaned in a little closer to him. "I love you," I sighed and kissed the back of his hand. I think all of this made me fall even more in love with him. If you think you may lose what's important to you, you cling to it even more.

I moved so that I could reach him better and pressed my lips against his, giving him a soft kiss before leaning back again. "You're feeling okay, right?" I asked. "Do you need anything, or want anything? Are you hungry? I can get you something."

"Something to drink would be wonderful but other than that I just want you here with me," he said as he lazily rubbed the side of his face. Well, he sort of slap and rubbed it. "Shit!" he slapped his hand against the bed out of nowhere. "I missed the fireworks. I was gonna-" he shut his mouth quickly and looked very frustrated.

I gasped a little as his outburst and looked at him with wide, confused eyes. "You were going to what?" I laughed. "It's okay that you missed them.. Everything is okay because you are," I told him. "But you do owe me a lot of kissing next time we're supposed to see a firework show," I joked, since that was supposed to be a new experience for me.

He gave me a little sad smile and nodded. "I will definitely give you as many kisses as you want whenever we get to see a firework show again. I promise."

Dan's POV

My eyelids fluttered open and I swear to God my head had never hurt so bad before in my entire life.

I saw a white blur in front of me and I lifted my hands to rub my eyes. I noticed that they were very cold and that my arms were very heavy. Actually, my entire body was heavy. And sore. I felt like I'd been hit by a bloody car -

And that's when everything started coming back to me.

I had been hit by a car.

I opened my eyes again and I saw a nurse at the foot of my bed writing something down. I opened my mouth to speak, but I couldn't get a word out before her eyes met with mine and she gasped.

"Oh my God," she put her hand over her heart. "You gave me a scare!" she laughed as she moved towards the side of my bed. She pulled a pen out of her pocket that apparently had some sort of light attached to the end, that she thought would be a good eye to shine right into my bloody eyes, causing the pain in my head to intensify.

"Can you tell me your name?" she asked me.

"Daniel James Howell," I replied groggily as I moved to sit up but was immediately met with resistance in the form of horrible pain.

"Woah now, take it easy," she laughed again. "Do you know where you're at?"

"Mr. Grey's white room of pain?" I offered, laughing weakly at the joke she obviously didn't get. "I'm in a hospital," I told her, before she could think I had some kind of mental issue.

"And do you know what year it is?"

"2013," I answered.

She smiled. "Brilliant, very good. Do you know what happened to you?"

"I was hit by a car, but it feels like I might have been hit by a bus."

She laughed again then went on to finish examining me. Apparently, despite having slipped into a bloody coma for a day, I was doing quite alright. Gold star for me, everyone!

I noticed that I had a sling over my left shoulder, which is bloody great, since I'm left handed and all.

Oi, I'm such an ungrateful tit. I should be happy I'm alive. Which I am. But if I don't see humor in this shit situation then I might be reduced to tears because everything hurt and nothing was okay.

The nurse gave me some pain meds then asked me if I wanted anything. I told her I wanted a placenta sized Malteser, but she said she was fresh out of them then gave me a disgusted look, which wasn't surprising.

Though, after that, I asked if she could call my fiance, and she let me know that she was already at the hospital waiting to see me. She agreed to go get her for me, but I asked her not to tell her that I was awake already. I wanted to surprise her.

A couple of minutes later I heard the door open and then heard slow footsteps coming towards the side of my bed. I could smell her perfume so I knew for sure that it was Cat.  
Her fingertips touched my cheek and I heard a little sniffle before she spoke. "Baby?" she whispered.

I slowly lifted my eyelids (because I had been pretending to be asleep) and looked in every direction but hers. When I saw her face I could see that she had tears in her eyes. It was hard to look at her like that and not show any kind of emotion, but I'm pretty sure all of the pain medication helped me through it.

"Wh- where am I?" I spoke up, hopefully sounding as confused as I looked. "What happened to me? Who are you?"

Her eyes, which I noticed were really bloodshot, got wide and she slowly pulled her hand away from me. "It's me. Cat," she told me, her voice starting to sound shaky. "You're in the hospital. You don't remember me?"

"Wait..." I raised my hand off of the bed. "Cat?" I tilted my head slightly then winced because the pain meds hadn't even began to alleviate that pain. "I think... I think it's coming back to me," I told her. "It's all coming back to me... I'm Dan.. and.. and I'm married to Delia Smith and I work in porn.. is that right?"

Her mouth popped open and her expression went from confusion to anger. "I swear. If you weren't lying in that bed right now I would beat the living shit out of you," she said as she brought her hands up to the sides of her head and rubbed her temples while sitting down on the edge of my bed.

Then she started laughing but tears started streaming down her face. "I don't know whether to laugh or cry," she managed to say. "I'm pretty sure this has been one of the absolute worst days of my life." She shook her head and then covered her eyes with her hand like that would keep me from seeing her cry. "I thought you were going to die," she whispered in the most devastating sounding voice I had ever heard.

I reached out so I could grab one of her hands, which was a lot harder than it normally was because all of my muscles and joints felt like they might have been on fire. "Hey.." I spoke up once I finally grasped one of them. I tugged it away from her face and offered her a small smile. "I'm fine.. Please don't cry. Please," I knotted my fingers through hers. That's why I had tried to troll her. I didn't want her to be upset. I hated seeing her upset. I broke my heart. "I'm here, baby, and I'm not going anywhere."

She took a deep breath as she wiped her tears away. "I'm sorry. I've been sitting in that waiting room mentally preparing myself to not cry when I saw you but obviously it didn't work," she laughed. "Do you remember what happened?"

"Don't be sorry," I pulled our hands closer to my torso, causing her to lean in a bit. I wanted her to be as close to me as possible because I knew that I was the only person who could give her any kind of comfort right now. I nodded at her before answering. "Yeah, I-" I froze, because until she asked, I hadn't really remembered everything. "Oh my God, is Phil okay?" I asked, suddenly remembering that he had been with me when the accident happened.

"Yes, baby. He's alright. Leila is with him now," she told me as she scooted closer to me on the bed so I could reach her more easily. "You both scared the living shit out of us though. They wouldn't even tell me and Leila if y'all were alive until your parents got here. Well, Phil's brother got here before his parents."

She bit her bottom lip and I could practically feel the tension rolling off of her. "We found out who did it though."

I was relieved to hear that Phil was okay. Had something happened to him, I don't know how I would have lived with myself. It was my fault that he was even out there at all.

I raised my brow at the last thing she said, "Who was it?" I asked sounding very serious. I knew that I had been hit by a car - but the rest of the details were unknown to me.

"It was McKenzie." She said that sentence like she literally had to just force the words out of her mouth. "She was behind all of it. The tumblr shit. The break ins. The photo leaks."

My eyes were huge because I was in shock. "What the hell?!" I shrieked, then immediately regretted it, because it made my already pounding head, hurt worse. I grimaced and brought my hand to it, only then realizing i had a bandage wrapped around it. "How did she even-" I stopped, because it all finally made sense to me. "She was the person tweeting us..." I shook my head. "How did you find out it was her?"

"Baby, please be careful," she said while looking at me like she was terrified I was about to shatter. "Well, remember that Maria girl that we met earlier in the day? She sat by us at the picnic. Anyway, she had walked away to talk on the phone and saw you and Phil walk by then saw you guys get hit. She ran over to make sure you were okay and well, long story short, McKenzie was going to try to run and Maria beat her ass and kept her held down until the cops came. Coolest fan ever if you ask me. I want to adopt her."

So first she tried to kill us - and then she tried to run? Well, I guess it made sense, since she had it planned but - Oh my God. She had it planned. She didn't want to kill me or Phil. She wanted to kill Cat.

I could feel my blood start to boil. I don't know why I was surprised. There was a reason I hadn't told Cat about the fact that we were going to meet up with her in the first place.

"I'm going to have to give Maria a massive hug if I ever see her again," I finally spoke up. I owed that girl a lot. We all did, I think. Had Maria not been there, McKenzie would have gotten off free.

"I'm sorry this happened," I looked up at Cat. "I can't imagine what you've been going through this whole time.. But I couldn't just - if I would have told you, and this would have happened to you?" I shook my head. "I just wanted to protect you, and finally end what was happening with her."

"I know you were trying to protect me. I just- It's weird to know that this happened to you guys but it was supposed to happen to me. Logically I know that it's not my fault but it's hard to not think of it that way," she sighed as she ran her fingers through her hair. "I just can't believe that she was so obsessed with taking you from me that she was willing to actually kill me." She rolled her eyes as she looked at me again. "I swear, if I could just see her for 10 seconds she would be begging for what she got from Maria instead of what I was giving to her."

"I bet... I know what you're capable of, remember?" I laughed. "It's insane. She's bloody insane and this proves it, if everything else didn't... But," I paused to take in a breath, "she didn't get away with any of it. She didn't take you from me, and she didn't take me from you. We're fine and so is Phil and that's all I care about," I told her as I tilted my head. "Can I ask you for something?" I asked, but didn't give her a chance to say anything before I spoke again. "Can I have a kiss?"

Her face seemed to just light up instantly and she laughed. "Of course you can." She moved closer to me and carefully hovered over me before pressing her lips against mine. She lingered there for a few seconds before moving her lips from mine and kissing each of my dimples and then my lips again. Her lips tasted like sugary coffee.

"Good enough?" she asked, still hovering over me.

I shook my head as I grinned at her and raised my hand up to her face, cupping her cheek as I pulled her back towards me so I could give her a proper kiss. "Mmmm," I smiled against her lips and caressed her cheek with my thumb. "No matter how many times I kiss you it always feels like the first time," I said and pecked her lips again. And again. And again.

She giggled against my lips and returned each of my kisses. "Yeah, I still get those crazy butterflies like I got the first time you kissed me," she said as she pulled back enough so she could see me. "I will never ever forget that. I think I nearly died," she laughed.

"I won't either," I smiled at her. "It was after Phileila made us think Slenderman was going to kill us," I rolled my eyes and laughed. "And we went back to your, well, our, apartment, and cuddled up on the couch together," I'm not sure why I explained it to her, because I knew that she remembered it as well as I did. "I was quite nervous about that kiss."

She looked at me like I was crazy. "You didn't seem nervous at all. You looked like you were on a mission and you were very confident about it," she laughed. "I was nervous as hell. I think it took me 10 seconds to actually move."

"Well, the same goes for you, because I couldn't tell you were nervous," I grinned at her.

"What?" she laughed. "Holy shit, Dan. I was shaking like a leaf. The man of my dreams was moving in for a kiss. I still get flustered just thinking about it." She wasn't lying. Her face was turning a bit pink as she raised her hand to fan her face, the diamond on the ring I'd put on her finger almost a year ago sparkling even in the dim light of the room.

I grinned. It wasn't an easy feat to make her blush like that. She was always so calm and collected. That's probably exactly why I wasn't able to tell how nervous she had been that night.

I reached out and grabbed her left hand and pulled it back towards me, resting it on my chest, over my heart, which was beating faster than usual. "I still get nervous when I think about it," I admitted. "And I still get excited the same way when I see you. That's how I knew, that you were the one. That had never happened to me before and I take comfort in knowing that it will happen over and over again for the rest of my life."

She bit her bottom lip and I could tell she was trying to keep herself from crying. "My God, if you're saying stuff like this while we're just sitting in a hospital room then I don't know how I'll ever handle your vows," she laughed as she leaned forward and pressed her lips against mine. Her hand moved up to my cheek and she lingered there for a second before pulling back and looking into my eyes, smiling as she studied my face. "I look forward to getting butterflies from you forever, Mr. Howell."


	39. You Ready For The D?

Cat's POV

February, 2014

I woke up and sat up slowly looking towards my left to see Leila, Dan, and Phil sleeping next to me.

We finally did it.

No, not that, you perverts.

"We'll be landing in New Orleans in 10 minutes. Please fasten your seatbelts and thank you for flying Delta Airlines."

Dan was in an incredibly awkward position. I have no idea how he fell asleep the way he did. He was on his side with his knees curled up to his chest and his head was drooped over. I looked over and Leila's face was smashed against Dan's back. She looked like she was about to fall out of the seat and then Phil was lying with his head on Leila's boob and his legs nearly stretched into the aisle.

I very carefully reached into my carry on bag and pulled out my phone before snapping a picture of them.

That'd be fun to put on Twitter later.

Dan was not someone you could just wake up in any random way. He was like the Hulk when he woke up. I couldn't say anything because I was an evil bitch when I woke up as well.

I put my phone away and reached out to touch the tip of his nose. He flinched a bit and mumbled something but kept his eyes closed. "Babyyyy," I whispered as I started to stroke his glabella.

Yep. I did it. I stroked his glabella while he was sleeping.

"Baby, we're about to land. Wake up," I spoke a bit louder.

Dan gasped loudly and immediately sat up straight, which caused a domino effect for Leila, who was knocked forward, almost falling out of her seat and Phil, who did fall out of his seat and into the aisle, tripping the flight attendant who was walking by our row.

Dan was looking around with one eye open and one eye shut, his hair sticking out all over his head a look of confusion on his face. "Oh fuck," he said groggily as he rubbed his hands over his eyes. "What time is it even?" he mumbled from behind his palms.

I was preoccupied watching Leila who was obviously still half asleep trying to help the flight attendant up who had fallen on top of her boyfriend. Dan looked over his shoulder at the scene and started laughing just before a yawn hit him.

"Oh mylanta," I laughed, shaking my head as I started to fasten my seat belt. "I hope that our kids aren't as violent when they wake up as you and I are."

I'd already managed to ruin one of our blankets back home because Dan sat on the bed with a cup of coffee which scared me awake so I accidentally kicked the coffee out of his hand. It was hilarious but pretty painful since the coffee was hot.

"Good morning, you two," I said as I leaned forward to look over at Phil and Leila who looked like they were in a daze as they put on their seat belts as well.

I was exhausted but so excited. I loved New Orleans. I practically grew up there. It was where we did all of our shopping and of course all of our partying.

I was also incredibly excited because I was about to get to see my Mom for the first time in a year. She was going to be picking us up from the airport since we'd be staying at their house while we were in New Orleans.

The plane finally landed and thankfully everyone was more awake by the time we got to baggage claim. We were walking towards the front of the airport and I pulled out my phone to call my Mom.

Dan was standing next to me yawning when I looked up at him. "I'm gonna call Mama and-" My sentence got cut off by a squeal that I knew very well.

I looked over to see my Mom running towards me with her arms held open which was hilarious. I immediately went to her and she grabbed me and hugged me tight. I didn't realize how much I'd missed her until then.

"Oh sweetie!" she said as she pulled back. She held my face and looked at me with teary eyes. "You look so good. I'm so happy to see you!" She laughed as she hugged me again and then she squealed...again as she let go of me.

"Get your tall ass over here!" she said to Dan as she held her arms out for him.

Dan laughed as he walked over to her and she immediately pulled him into a tight hug. "It's good to see you again," he told her, still laughing as she pulled away from him, to claim her next victim, which was Leila.

"All of y'all look so good and you've been on a damn airplane for 18 hours and I look like hammered asshole," Mom shook her head as she grabbed Phil and forced him into the same kind of hug she had given the rest of us. "You smell like chocolate," she told him then openly sniffed his chest before pulling away to look at all of us.

Mom grabbed my hand and started to lead all of us towards the car. We put all of our stuff in the back of it. Thankfully my Mom insisted on driving an SUV. I think it made her feel taller since she was so short or something.

"I know y'all are exhausted so your rooms are all set up and I made y'all some lunch so you can get your bellies full and take a nap," Mom told us as she began driving towards the interstate. Our house was about 20 minutes away from the part of New Orleans we were in right then.

I slipped my hoody I'd been wearing off and shook my head around. It was about 60 degrees there and humid so I felt like I was smothering since I wasn't used to that kind of weather anymore. "What did you cook, Mrs. Radley?" Phil asked.

She grinned and glanced at him in the rear view mirror. "Fried chicken with homemade biscuits and some rice and gravy."

"Oh damn. That sounds so good," I rubbed my stomach and looked back at everyone. "Y'all think my cooking is good? Wait til you taste hers. You'll be spoiled," I laughed. "You can ask Lele."

"She's right," Leila nodded. "I wanna mouth fap just thinking about it."

"We've had her cooking before," Dan spoke up with a laugh. "Oh come on. I can't be the only one who remembers the bloody brownies on Thanksgiving."

"Oh shit. I actually forgot about that until just now," Leila laughed with him. "Did you make some of those too, Momma Cat?"

I looked at my Mom to see that evil grin on her face that I always got when I was up to something. "Well, I figured it wouldn't hurt y'all to pregame a little bit before you all hit up Bourbon street tonight."

"Yessss!" I laughed. "Is Daddy gonna get home on time?" My Dad's work hours were insane.

"Yep. He said he didn't give a shit what they said. He was comin' home to see his baby and almost new son," she laughed. "He's been runnin' around showin' everybody y'all's engagement photo you sent. He's got it on one of those little picture keychains."

"Awww!" I put my hand over my heart and tried to picture my Dad doing that. "What about you? You don't show it off?"

"Hell yeah I do!" she laughed.

"Don't you feel special?" I looked back at Dan and winked.

He was looking at me and, I don't know why I was the slightest bit surprised, but he was holding his camera, recording me. "Of course I feel special," he answered. I could see his dimples and I wanted to crawl into the backseat and kiss them. They were so damn cute.

"You are special," Leila interjected using Dan's accent. I knew immediately that she was copying Phil is not on fire 4, though I'm not so sure either of the boys picked up on it, and I know Mom didn't.

"You will never be the X-Factor," I quoted Phil in his accent, still laughing.

"Are you quoting one of those whisker videos?" My Mom asked and my mouth fell open in shock.

"My Mom is officially the coolest Mom. She's a fangirl," I laughed.

"Well, for everyone who thinks our viewers are a bunch of 12 year olds," Dan laughed and pointed the camera at Phil. "Why are you being so quiet over there."

"He's daydreamin' about mouth fappin' to the food," my Mom laughed. "Whatever that means."

There was about three seconds of silence before all of us started cackle laughing.

"What?!" Mom laughed with us. "What does that even mean? Come on! Leila, you're the one who said it. What is it?"

"Fapping?" Leila snorted. "The sound a guy makes when he's jackin' off," she answered her. "But me and Cat use it instead of saying masturbating.."

"Basically your food is so good that it makes her want to mouth masturbate." Dan summed it up.

Mom started laughing pretty hard. "Oh Lord. You kids come up with some crazy mess."

"I'm quiet because I'm looking at what we're driving past and I'm daydreaming about fried chicken," Phil informed us, laughing as well.

"See? Y'all were right," I laughed, gesturing towards Phil.

A little while later we made it to the house and the guys were blown away by the fact that my parents house was down a driveway that was nearly a mile long. The house was old as hell but absolutely gorgeous. It was a plantation home my father inherited and it was massive.

Dan and I were staying in my old room and Leila and Phil got the guest bedroom.

"Welcome to my childhood," I said as we walked into the room. The walls were dark blue and basically everything in the room was either blue or black. I had always had a bit of an obsession with the color blue. My Mom hadn't done anything to change the room since I left apart from dusting and whatnot.

Dan followed in behind me and glanced around at the walls and the antique furniture before looking at me and smiling. "Your childhood was quite blue," he said, stepping closer to me. He wrapped his arms around my waist and gave me a kiss before pulling away so that I could see his face. "So what's on the agenda for the day?"

"Well," I grinned as I leaned forward and pressed my lips against the side of his neck. "I think we should go eat," I kissed a spot softly. "Then we can come up here to take a nap," I kissed another spot. "But, I'd like to have a nice quickie before we pass out if you're down for that," I whispered before biting his neck but not hard enough to leave a mark.

"A quickie?" Dan looked down at me like he was judging me for saying YOLO or something. "I'm not sure I can be bothered with all of that." He slid his hands off of my hips and onto my ass as he leaned in and started kissing my neck.

"Woah. Pump your fuckin' breaks," Leila had apparently walked in and I looked to see her holding her hands up at us. "You guys are going to get pregnant."

"I am pregnant!" I said as I reluctantly pulled away from Dan. "With hate for you for cock blocking me," I laughed as I walked towards Leila with my hands up like they were claws and I was about to attack.

"Oh my God. Do not ever yell that you are pregnant again, please," Phil laughed as he walked into the room. "I heard it while I was walking down the hall and tripped over my own feet."

"Do you know how many times you've cock blocked me?" Leila laughed. "Or how many times you finger blocked me? SOOOO many times Cat," she shook her head.

"Finger blocked?" Dan looked at her, straight up judging her.

"Yeah, finger blocked. I would be trying to fap and Cat would just barge into my room to show me your frickin' videos, of all things. Both of you," she flung her hand up, "orgasm ruiners."

"That's not finger blocking!" I defended. "That was me helping you. I was giving you hot british boys to look at while you fapped," I winked and tapped her nose with my finger as I walked by.

"Food time?" Phil asked as I walked out the door.

"Food time," I nodded.

We got down to the dining room and Mom had our food heated and sitting on the dining room table. It smelled so damn good my stomach growled as soon as we walked in.

"Oh fuck. I think I just came," I said as I sat down.

My Mom walked in holding her laptop and smiling at us. "I've gotta go do a little meeting on Skype so y'all just go ahead and eat," she told us as she made her way to her office. My Mom worked from home and probably used Skype more than I did.

We all sat around the table and started piling food onto our plates. From the look of how much we had gotten and how fast we were all shoveling it down, you would have thought we hadn't eaten in weeks.

We opted against eating the pot brownies then because we were all so tired that we knew we would probably sleep through all of Mardi Gras if we didn't nap first.

Dan and I tried to go for a quickie but I kept dozing off. Yeah I know. It's insane. Like who could pass out while that gorgeous piece of man is kissing you and trying to fondle your goodies? I could if I were sleepy enough.

I woke up to the sound of my dad's voice along with the footsteps hammering up the stairs. It was dark in my room because it was already dark outside. According to my alarm clock it was almost 8pm.

My bedroom light flashed on and I covered my eyes with my hands because it was so damn bright, but then I realized that my dad was standing in the doorway.

"I know you guys aren't sleepin' right now! What the hell? Ya'll are supposed to be gettin' hammered! Get the hell up and come downstairs and take some shots! And you," he pointed at me. "Get over here and give me a hug!"

"Daddy!" I managed to squeal through my sleepy voice as I kicked the blankets off of myself. I hopped off of the bed and he scooped me up, hugging me and swinging me around like we were in a movie. "I missed you so much," I mumbled against the front of his shirt before taking a deep breath. He'd worn the same cologne for years and the smell always comforted me instantly.

"I missed you too baby," he said still squeezing me. "Did ya sleep well?" he asked then looked back over towards the bed. Dan was still laying there hidden under the blankets sleeping. Dad glanced back down at me and grinned an evil grin.

He pulled away from my side and walked over to my bed and proceeded to lay down on it beside Dan, pulling the covers up over himself and cuddling up against him.

I scrambled around my room until I found Dan's camera bag and quickly pulled his camera out and turned it on. I had to record this. It was too perfect not to.

I got it turned on just in time to film Dan wrapping his arm around my dad. It took all I had not to start laughing at what was happening.

"Good morning, honey. You ready for some D?" my Dad asked Dan in an extra deep voice.

Dan's eyes shot open and he screamed like he was being attacked as he started flailing his arms and kicking his legs. He was tangled up in the blankets and when he tried to stand up and move away from the bed, he face planted on the floor at my feet.

It was very hard to keep the camera steady because I was laughing so hard. My Dad was sprawled out on my bed laughing hard as well. "Morning baby!" I said through my laughter. "My Dad is here if you didn't notice."

Dan looked up at me as he pushed himself up onto his palms and looked over his shoulder at my dad, who was still laying on the bed laughing. "No, I didn't notice at all," he rolled his eyes then continued to push himself up off of the floor. "I think I need a drink."

I held the camera up high so we'd both be visible and I grabbed the collar of his shirt to pull him down to me before giving him a kiss. "Aww. Does that make it better?"

I could tell that he was trying not to grin at me. His lips twisted up into a smirk and he nodded. "I'm still a bit damaged, but I think I'll be okay." He looked back over at my dad and shook his head at him. "It's good to see you too, Jude."

My Dad rolled off of my bed and walked over to Dan before pulling him into a hug. My Dad was not shy about hugging at all. "Sorry for scarring you, son. I have to make sure you can handle being part of the Radley clan," he said as he pulled back and patted his back. "I heard they're poppin' your Bourbon Street virginity tonight." He looked over at me and back at Dan before pointing towards me. "Watch that one. She's wild when she goes there. I'm tellin' you. She's just like her Mama. Somethin' about that place makes them crazier."

"Daddy, we're not that bad," I laughed, knowing I was lying. I didn't really party too often but when I went to Bourbon Street I let my inner party girl out.

"Bullshit!" he laughed. "Just don't get arrested."

"Oh, I'll make sure she doesn't get arrested," Dan laughed. "That happening once in our relationship was more than enough."

Dad smiled at him and then looked back at me. "Are you kids ready to pregame? I stopped by the liquor store on my way home. I got you some Jack, and there's some Bourbon too. Your momma made some more of those brownies. Y'all better get to them before I do," he told us as he rubbed his stomach.

"Brownies!" I turned the camera towards myself and probably made a terrifying face before turning it off. I sat it on the bed and walked out into the hall just as Phil was walking by.

"A WILD CAT APPEARS!" I yelled before jumping on his back which caused him to scream like a girl which made jumping on him completely worth it.

"Take me to the kitchen, peasant!" I said as I latched onto him with my arms and legs.

"I am not a peasant!" he laughed as he started swinging his ass back and forth in an attempt to fling me off of him.

"You're my peasant with a penis though!" I hopped off of his back and turned around to see Dan, Leila, and my Dad standing there giving us a judgy look.

"I don't know why any of y'all act like my behavior is abnormal at this point," I said as I skipped away from them and towards the stairs.

"She has a point," I heard Leila offer before I heard the sound of her footsteps quickening up behind me. "Hey, wanna race?" she grabbed my arm and nodded toward the banister closest to her. She then let go of me and hopped up on to it.

"Uh, I really don't think that's quite a good idea," Dan spoke up, leaning over it and looking down at the ground. There had to be a good 40 feet between the top of the stairs where we were at and the floor where we could fall and break our necks.

I climbed onto the other banister and looked over at Dan. "Usually ideas that aren't good end up being the most fun ones."

"Oh Jesus," my Dad sighed. "They drive me nuts with this shit."

"Ready?" I looked over at Leila and she nodded. "1, 2, 3, Go!"

We pushed off and started sliding down the banisters screaming the whole way. Of course neither of us managed to stop gracefully and pretty much toppled off and hit the floor at the bottom.

Both of us were laughing so hard we couldn't get up yet. I had no idea who actually won.

"Catherine Elizabeth Radley! What did I tell you about that?" I heard my Mom and looked up to see her standing over us with her hands on her hips.

The boys and my Dad were smirking behind her.

"Daddy knew we were gonna do it!" I pointed at him, still laughing.

"Jude!" she scolded him but I could tell she wanted to laugh.

"Hey, she's in her 20s. I can't tell her what to do anymore," he shrugged, grinning. "She's your child."

"I think she's more yours than mine," she sighed, rolling her eyes. "Y'all need to eat somethin' before you leave. Drinkin' on an empty stomach is not good."

I sat up and Dan walked over to help me get up. Phil did the same and helped Leila up before kissing her lips. "You two tied, by the way. You both flew off the end of those damn things at the same time like synchronized swimmers," Phil laughed.

"I don't know why every time we do that I think we'll actually land on our feet. We never do," Leila was still laughing.

"Someone isn't living up to their name," Dan smirked, looking at me.

"Are y'all just gonna stand around makin' eyes at each other or are ya actually gonna come and eat and have a drink with us?" My Dad said as he put his hands on my shoulders.

"I ordered pizza. I didn't want to slave over a stove on food y'all are just gonna puke up later." My Mom rolled her eyes as she started towards the kitchen, all of us following behind her.

There were six shot glasses sitting around the table with six beers beside them and a few pizza boxes in the middle.

Mom grabbed her shot glass and beer bottle off of the table and moved into the living room. About ten seconds later I heard Led Zeppelin blaring from the speakers on the radio and she reappeared, dancing her way back towards us.

"Woah, get it momma Cat," Leila wiggled her hips and started dancing towards her.

Dan picked his shot glass up and sniffed the contents and eyed it before picking up one of the bottles of Miller High Life.

My Mom started dancing right along with Leila. "I swear, I think you secretly birthed her," I told Mom, laughing.

"I did," she winked at me before kissing Leila's cheek. "I claim her as my own anyway."

I walked over to Dan who was leaning against the cabinets in the kitchen and wrapped my arms around him before standing on my tiptoes so I could whisper in his ear. "You ready for the D?" I asked as I took the beer bottle away from him and took a long sip of it, backing away so he couldn't retaliate.

He burst out laughing then folded his arms and shook his head. "I bet you are," he raised his brow and smirked at me then moved back towards the table and got another beer.

"Oh, I am actually," I informed him. I looked around to see no one was paying attention to us and hooked my thumb into the top of my pajama pants and slid them down pretty far before pulling them back up and winking.

"Mama! Where are the brownies?" I called out as I walked out of the kitchen swaying my ass like I thought I was Beyonce or something.

I discovered where the brownies were when I walked into the dining room to see Leila, Phil, Mom and Dad all stuffing their faces.

"Sneaky turds!" I laughed, walking over to them to grab one. "Baby, if you want a brownie you better get your cute ass in here!"

"Mine!" Phil said as he picked another one up.

"I like how the quiet one gets vicious out of nowhere over my brownies," Mom laughed. "I take that as a compliment."

"Phil might as well be the poster child for obesity," Dan announced as he walked in. "Oh don't look at me like that, Leila. You know it's true."

I looked over at Leila to see that she had her mouth full of brownie and was rolling her eyes at Dan. "And you're the poster child for Trisomy 21," she responded once she was done chewing.

"I knew I should have destroyed your last horcrux when I had the chance," Dan laughed as he grabbed one of the brownies out of the container.

"Good luck doing that now that it's been duplicated about a million times," she grinned at him and flipped her hair over her shoulder, which made Dan laugh as well as the rest of us.

"So baby, where do you plan on taking the Bourbon virgins tonight?" my Mom asked me.

I swallowed the large bite of brownie I was munching on before answering her. "Well, we're going to walk through and explore first. After that, I'm not sure. I know we've gotta hit up the karaoke bar for sure though," I grinned nodding.

"Well, please just be careful," my Dad said as he wiped his hands off on a napkin. "I feel better about you two goin' since you've got Dan and Phil with you but those fuckers down there are still crazy. Especially around pretty girls."

"Awww, thanks Dad," I made a really hideous face because he called me pretty and I'm a weirdo.

"So, when are you two gonna make me a grandbaby?" My Mom asked us out of absolutely fucking nowhere and I literally spewed out the swallow of beer I'd just taken.

My Dad lost his shit and started laughing really hard at me as I used my shirt to wipe the beer that was dripping off of my chin.

"Uhhh," I laughed, looking up at Dan.

"Well! Y'all are getting married very soon. It's something you should probably think about," my Mom told us, grinning from ear to ear.

"I don't think either of us are ready for kids," he said once he'd finally stopped coughing, because he'd gotten choked in response to her question.

"Nobody ever is, son," my Dad told him.  
I couldn't help but think it was incredibly cute that my Dad kept calling him son.

"A mini-us is not in the immediate future, y'all," I said as I hopped up onto the edge of the table. "We're both so busy already."

"Whoa. I think I'm good with the brownies," Phil said as he wiped his hands on a napkin.

"Feelin happy, Phil?" I asked, grinning. -

"Quite," he laughed, shaking his head around a bit.

After we were all pretty buzzed from the beer and brownies, we ate some of the pizza that finally made it to the house and then we all went upstairs to get ready for our Bourbon Street adventure.

Dan and I decided to take a shower together and while we were in there and gave him a little something to make up for the horrifying way he woke up from our nap.

I had gotten dressed and put my make up on and was sitting on my bedroom floor drying my hair when I noticed Dan sitting on the bed staring at me with this weird grin on his face. I turned the blow dryer off and turned to look at him. "Are my blow jobs that powerful, Dan?" I asked, laughing.

"That too," he laughed and slid off of the bed so that he was sitting on the floor with me. "I was just thinking about everything," he shrugged. "About how in 9 months you'll be my wife, and we'll be starting our life together officially."

I totally wasn't expecting him to say something like that. He was rather good at shocking me by saying really sweet things out of nowhere. I leaned over and kissed his lips. "I can't wait. I hope the next 9 months fly by. I can't wait to be your wife."

"DAAAAAAAAN!" Phil's voice sounded out through the entire second floor. "Did you steal my wolf shirt?"

I looked over at Dan and started laughing. "No! I did!" I yelled back.

I heard footsteps down the hall and then Phil swung the door open. "You lie, Cat Radley," he pointed at me.

That was funny in itself but what was really hilarious was the fact that he had a pair of Leila's panties on his head.

"What the actual fuck are you doing?" I asked through my fit of laughter.

I then heard another set of footsteps before Leila appeared behind Phil looking every bit as blistered as he did. "There are my panties!" she laughed and pulled them off of his head. "I told you I needed to put those back on when you were finished!" She stuck one of her legs out, attempting to put them on in front of us but her heel got in the way and she slouched against the doorframe. "Why is everything so hard?" she sighed.

I tilted my head as I watched her. "I don't know but we're about 2 seconds from seeing some Lele vagina."

"No!" Phil stepped in front of her and started waving his arms around in an attempt to shield her. "Mine!"

"Phil's word of the night is 'mine' apparently," I laughed.

"It's all yours," Leila giggled. "But that doesn't mean Cat hasn't seen it. Or Dan either."

"Okay, that's enough!" Dan exclaimed, laughing. "No offense, but I'd rather not think about your vagina, Leila."

"Zebra."

"Oh mylanta," I said as I got up from the floor. "Sweetie, I'm not sure we should even take you and Philertons to Bourbon Street. Y'all are obliterated already," I laughed.

Phil gasped dramatically and stared down at me like he was horrified. "I am going to Bourbon Street!"

"Okay, okay! Heavens to betsy. Calm your tits," I reached up and patted the top of his head.

After I helped the both of them put their clothes on correctly, our cab showed up to take us to Bourbon Street. When we got close to the city and went over a certain bridge there that gives you a view of all of the lights I got really excited. There was a certain energy that place had that just made you want to get a little crazy.

It took us about 20 minutes to get close enough to Bourbon Street so that we wouldn't have to walk a mile to get there. It was packed since they were in the middle of Mardi Gras.

We all formed a sort of chain. I held Dan's hand and led the way, he held Leila's hand and she held Phil's as we navigated our way towards the street.

The music got louder and louder as we approached. Drunk people stumbled past us yelling about things and some fell down which was rather amusing.

We finally made it to the street to see people walking around with tons of beads on them. There were people on the balconies of the buildings with beads ready to throw them to whoever showed off their rack. People were dancing in the street and pretty much just having a good time.

I pulled everyone into a bar that wasn't way too packed and ordered us all giant daquiris which were made with Everclear I'm serious when I say giant. The drinks were huge and you were guaranteed to be shitfaced when you were done. We always bought one before walking down the street to start the night off.

After getting our drinks we all walked side by side, dodging people who were walking around as well, letting the guys see what Bourbon Street was really like. I loved seeing their eyes get big when they saw random things.

Like sets of boobs being displayed for beads quite often.

That wasn't the norm year round on Bourbon but it was during Mardi Gras.

After we were done exploring I took them into my favorite bar which thankfully wasn't that busy since most people were out on the street and we found spots to sit at at the bar. We were all pretty much past drunk at that point because of what we'd had at home and while walking around.

"What can I do for y'all tonight?" the bartender asked as he approached us.

"Give us some flaming nazis!" I yelled and everyone looked at me like I was nuts. "Four of them!"

"What the hell is that?" Phil asked, looking scared as he wrapped his arms around Leila from behind.

"It's a shot of Jager with cinnamon schnapps. On fire," I laughed.

"What?!" he shrieked.

"They're good! Come on, Phil! It's Bourbon Street!"

The bartender came back with our shotglasses and set it all up. "Y'all ready?" he asked. Me and Leila nodded enthusiastically before he lit each one.

"Yay!" I squealed.

As I was slamming the shot glass back down on the bar, something bright next to me caught my eye.

I turned my head to see Leila was where the light was coming from because her fucking hair had literally gone up in flames.

Needless to say, our Bourbon Street adventure ended there.

Phil's POV

I checked myself in the bathroom mirror one more time to make sure I looked alright. Wearing a suit wasn't exactly a normal occurrence for me so I was paranoid about looking like a bloody emo penguin or something.

I walked out of the bathroom and looked towards mine and Leila's bedroom door which was still closed. She and Cat had been in there for ages with some people who'd come to dress them and do their make-up. That was also not a normal occurrence but apparently it was something that happens when the movie premier you're going to attend is for a movie based on your girlfriend's book.

"Are they ready yet?" Dan asked as I walked into the living room. He was putting his jacket on and then adjusting his hair. I wasn't the only one who was worried about looking like a penguin.

"I guess not," I sighed as I slid my hands into my pockets.

Finally we heard the door open and turned to see the people who had come to dress them leaving with their clothing racks and bags they'd come with. "You boys have fun tonight!" they said as I opened the door for them. "Wait til you two see them," one of them grinned.

I was so ready to see Leila I was seconds from just walking into the room but I didn't want to be a total ass.

I heard the sound of heels clicking down the hallway and finally they appeared.

My mouth fell open and my stomach did that thing when you get butterflies like mad. My girlfriend was drop dead gorgeous to me anytime but that night- wow.

"Holy hell," I said as I walked over to her, my eyes travelling over her body. "You look absolutely stunning, sweetheart."

"That's what I thought," Cat added, looking over at Leila. "I actually like her hair even more now. I think the flaming nazi accident was a blessing in disguise."

Because of the flaming nazi accident Cat was speaking of, Leila was forced to cut her hair quite short. I loved it that way. Hell, she could've shaved her head and I would've loved it.

Leila flashed us a smile as she patted the back of her hair. She had literally been reduced to tears when she woke up from the drunken stupor to see the extent of the damage that had been done to her once long hair. I think she was coming around to it though.

"You guys look great," she said after studying Dan and I. "You are going to get so much ass on your wedding day." She said looking from Dan to Cat before laughing.

Dan ran one of his hands down his suit coat and stepped towards Cat, grinning at her. "Uh oh. I think Leila wants to make out with me again," he laughed and then leaned in to kiss her. "Happy Valentine's day, by the way." He moved his arm from behind his back and revealed a bouquet of roses.

Cat gasped and then bounced around as she took the roses from him. "Aww, thank you baby! You remembered my favorite kind," she said as she sniffed them. Of course Cat would want yellow roses instead of red. "Your gift is coming later," she told him before kissing him. "Even though you just mentioned making out with my best friend."

"You made out with his best friend too," I informed her as I wrapped an arm around Leila's waist and pulled her close to me. "By the way, you are getting your gift later too," I told her as I leaned down to kiss her lips. "And don't even try to come up with what you think it might be because you'll be wrong," I laughed.

"Phil is gonna give you the D, Lele," Cat laughed as she walked into the kitchen to get a vase for her roses.

"If she wants it she can have it," I responded without looking away from Leila. "You are so beautiful. It still just blows me away sometimes."

Grinning, she put her hand on my cheek and gave me a kiss, then pulled away slightly so she could look at me. She didn't say anything though. She just smiled and sighed.  
"I could use some D to calm my Ts," she finally spoke up and laughed. "I'm so nervous. I feel like I need a Xanax but I don't want to take one because I don't want to be a zombie at the premiere."

"What about some wine?" Dan proposed and we all looked over at him to see that he was holding a bottle of red wine.

Did he have a fucking Barney bag he was carrying all of this stuff around in? Seriously, where was he getting it from?

"Wine! Yes!" Leila nodded.  
"Red, red wiiiiiiiiiine!" Cat started singing and dancing around. She obviously wasn't watching where she was going while spinning because she ran right into me. I grabbed her waist and caught her right before she toppled over.

"Whoa!" I laughed, trying to steady her.

"Oh God! Flashbacks!" she laughed, leaning her forehead over on my shoulder.

I patted the back of her head. "It happens to the best of us."

"Oh yes, Phil. Everyone I know has stumbled out of a bathroom into a dark hallway with their best friend and kissed her boyfriend by accident," Cat said as she pulled away from me and then adjusted my suit for me.

Yes, that happened.

"Leila did it too!" I laughed, pointing over at her.

"Which makes it even more stupid! I think we were completely off our damn rockers that night," she laughed.

"They didn't even notice though!" Leila shook her head. "I was climbing Dan like a tree and-" she paused and flailed her arms. "- and he was climbing back! I'm so glad we were in public and it didn't go any further than that."

"How were we supposed to notice when you two couldn't even tell us apart?" Dan laughed as he popped the cork on the wine bottle. "You should take it as a compliment that you kiss as good as Cat," he added.

Leila rolled her eyes. "Both of you are half giant. You could have at least noticed that your girlfriend was suddenly half a foot taller than she was before she went to the bathroom," she said, walking back out of the kitchen with four wine glasses.

"I remember thinking wow, Dan's lips sure are full tonight. This is weird. He smells like Phil," Cat laughed, shaking her head. "I swear, I worry about all of us sometimes.

"I remember wondering how the hell Leila got so short all of the sudden. I was so messed up I had actually convinced myself for a few seconds that she shrunk," I laughed. "My brain is a very odd thing."

Dan poured the glasses for us and we each took one and stood in a circle. "A toast," I said as we held our glasses up. "To Leila's night. To her movie being amazing and everyone loving it and as always, to amazing friendships," I said before we all clicked our glasses together.

We got through two glasses of wine before we got a call letting us know that our limousine was there to pick us up. Yes, a limousine. Apparently we weren't allowed to show up to a big event like this in a taxi.

The ride to Leicester Square took much longer than it would have on any other day. There was a lot more traffic, and many more people on the street and pavement because of the premiere of Living Wilde.

We shared another, smaller, glass of wine, though I don't think any of us were really feeling many of the effects of it because of our nerves.

We were about to walk the red carpet! And even though this was something Dan and I had already done, we weren't being speculated the last time it happened. I was going to be on the arm of the woman who all of this was for, so I knew I would get much more attention this time around.

The limousine stopped and I felt Leila's body tense up as she took in a deep breath. I didn't have to look out of the window to know that we had finally arrived at our destination. What I could hear was proof enough.

There were loads of people screaming and talking; those noises were amplified when the door swung open.

Leila was the first one to step out of the car and Cat was right behind her, followed by Dan and I.

The only word that I can think of to describe what I saw before me was insanity.

As soon as Leila had come into view camera flashes began going off. People were calling her name out and we were all being pulled away from the car. It was so bizarre. It all feels like a blur now that I think of it.

I stayed by her side as we all walked down the red carpet together and listened to her answer many kinds of questions from tons of people interviewing her. I was asked a few things as well because people apparently wanted to know who the guy was that had brought her along.

A few people actually did know who Dan and I were which was very cool.

It seemed like it took forever but we finally made it all the way down the red carpet and were escorted into the theater where they would be showing the movie. The seats were all reserved and we were led to where we would be sitting.

Leila had to leave us because she would be on stage with Oliver, Ben Barnes, and the other people who had main roles in the film to introduce it.

I was still so bloody nervous. I could not stop fidgeting. My heart was racing like mad. I wished that I'd had a bit more wine before we got out of the limo.

The lights in the room dimmed and then a spotlight moved towards the stage just as Oliver walked out escorting Leila. Ben Barnes was there along with them as well.

Ben spoke first because a LOT of his fangirls were there. Well, I figure that's why he did. Then it was Oliver's turn.

"First of all, I want to thank you all for being here. This movie has been one of my absolute favorites to ever be a part of. I hope that you all love it as much as we do. So much passion and time went into it and I think it shows. I definitely have to thank this young lady," he motioned towards Leila who smiled up at him. I could tell she was nervous but she looked amazing. "Without her this film wouldn't exist. She is the genius behind it all so she deserves a big round of applause."

Everyone in the theater clapped and whistled, especially Cat. She was looking at Leila like a proud Mum or something.

When the applause died down, Oliver cleared his throat. "Uh, there's one more thing," he grinned, looking at Leila then back out towards the crowd. "I've got someone special here who wanted to come up and say a few words on Leila's behalf."

Oh God. Please, don't let me fall or have a panic attack or start sweating like mad.

I stood up from my chair and I could feel everyone's eyes on me as I made my way to where they were standing. Leila was looking at me like I was completely nuts and I walked across the stage towards her and Oliver.

He handed me the microphone and I stood next to her. "I know a lot of you have no idea of who I am," I laughed. "But, I am the lucky man who is able to say that Leila Faust is his girlfriend and the love of his life. I couldn't be more proud of her tonight. She's the most amazing person I have ever met and deserves every bit of happiness she can get in this world."

I heard a few 'awwws' and people began clapping. I waited for the sound to die down before I took her left hand in mine. "I told you earlier that I was going to give you your Valentine's Day present later," I said before I knelt down in front of her. I laid the microphone down on the stage and reached into the pocket on the inside of my jacket to grab the little black box lying there.

I looked up at her and she looked like she was in complete shock. Her hand was over her heart and i'm fairly sure she wasn't breathing. I opened the box and held it out for her to see which made her gasp loudly and I could see tears in her eyes.

"Ever since you walked into my life so randomly, I've been so much different than I used to be. I'm happier than I've ever been. You've made me the man that I never thought I could be. You're everything to me. I love every single thing about you and I cannot fathom living a day without you by my side. Leila Faust, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"

I couldn't believe I was actually able to say it without stumbling over my words or shaking like a leaf. I would tell you what the reaction of the crowded theater was if I knew but I was completely oblivious in that moment. She was the only person who existed and I felt like I would fall over and have a heart attack before she answered me.

She seemed to have been frozen in place, staring at me with wide, tear filled eyes before she reacted.

"Oh my God.. Yes," she nodded, smiling even though tears were falling down her cheeks. The hand that had been over her heart was over her mouth, reminding me of every time that I would do or say something that excited her or made her have 'feels.'

There was probably another round of applause and people cheering. I'm still not quite sure, but I know that I heard noises beyond that of my heart pounding in my ears.

I pulled the ring out of the box and slid it back into my pocket before slipping it onto her finger and standing up again. I immediately pulled her into my arms and kissed her not caring that a lot of people could see. I could not remember ever feeling that happy before in my life.

I pulled back to look down at her and wiped away her tears with my thumbs. My vision had gone blurry and I knew I probably had tears rolling down my cheeks but I didn't care about that either.

The woman of my dreams had just agreed to marry me.

I leaned in to kiss her again and smiled against her lips. "Happy Valentine's Day, sweetheart."


	40. Cat Howl

**Cat's POV**

I was standing in the middle of the room with my arms extended above my head and for some reason I had my eyes closed as my Mom, Dan's Mom and Leila worked together to slip my dress on over my head.

I felt the coolness of the silk on my skin as it was put into place and then I could feel tugging at my back where my Mom was fastening the buttons.

"Darling, why are your eyes closed?" Dan's Mom laughed and I opened them laughing at myself with her.

"I have no idea of why I did that," I said before taking a deep breath through my nose. "I'm so nervous."

"I was too," she smiled at me as she reached out to rub my arm. "But as soon as you see him, all of that will go away. I promise."

"She's right," my Mom spoke up from behind me. "When I saw your Daddy I just about dragged your Pop down to the floor tryin' to run to him."

We all started laughing at the thought of that. I could feel everyone's eyes on me and hear the sound of the camera going off as the photographer I hired walked around snapping photos of us.

It was my wedding day.  
Holy fucking shit. I was getting married.  
I was marrying the man of my dreams.

The thought nearly made me scream with giddiness.

"All buttoned up," Mama said as she stepped around me. "Now, for the fun stuff," she grinned and glanced over at Dan's Mom who had walked over to her purse.

She turned to face me again and walked over with a box that I immediately noticed was from Tiffany & Co. My eyes probably got huge.

"What did y'all do?" I asked, putting my hands on my hips and grinning.

"We teamed up. You have to have something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue," Dan's Mum informed me before extending the box to me. "This is something new from Dan's father and I."

I took the box from her and quickly pulled the white ribbon away from the box before opening it. I gasped when I saw what it was.

"It's for your right hand," she informed me as I looked down at the ring which was a silver band that had a little H right on the center made of diamonds. "It's our way of welcoming you to the Howell family."

"Oh wow. It's so beautiful," I said as I took it out. I slipped it onto my finger and it fit perfectly. I was already starting to feel emotional. "Thank you so much," I said as I reached out to hug her.  
She kissed my cheek and looked down at me with tear filled eyes.

"I couldn't imagine anyone more perfect for my baby," she smiled. "I'm going to go check on him now. I'll see you out there, okay?"

"Okay," I nodded. "Tell him I said hi," I said as I waved at her while she was leaving.

"Now, for something borrowed," my Mom said as she handed me a box. "I know you didn't really want one of these things but you're wearing mine because I said so," she grinned and I immediately knew what it was.

I opened the box to see a garter belt which was absolutely gorgeous. "Mama, I've never seen this before!" I said as I took it out of the box. "I don't know why I never showed you. Here. Lift your dress."

I did as she asked and held onto her shoulder as she knelt down. "I bet that's not the last time you'll hear that tonight."

"Mama!" I laughed and she cracked up too. She finished slipping it on and stood up before holding my face in her hands.

"You look breathtaking. He's going to shit when he sees you," she giggled but I could tell she was about to cry. "You're going to be a perfect wife and I know you'll be so happy together. I'm so, so happy for you, baby."

"Awww, Mama!" I was about to sob as I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her tightly. It was true that I hadn't lived with my parents for quite some time so it wasn't like I was going to be leaving the nest and that's what made me emotional. It was more so the fact that this was like my last step of growing up. It felt like it meant I really wasn't the baby anymore or something. Plus, I think everyone gets all emotional at weddings. Especially Moms and brides. I was obviously having no problem doing my part there.

I realized as I pulled away that Leila had not spoken a single word in a long ass time. I looked over to see her standing there looking stunning in her her dress. I knew Phil would flip out when he saw her.

"I'll leave you two to have your bff moment," Mom told me. "Daddy will be up in a second." She gave me one more long look over before turning to walk out.

I turned my attention to Leila and grinned. "Why so quiet, sexy lady? Wanna make out one last time before I walk down the aisle?"

She started laughing as she walked towards me and her eyes looked a bit glossy. "Because I'm literally speechless," she told me, wiping a tear away from her eye before it could fall. "You're about to marry Dan. It's just..." she trailed off and smiled, shaking her head.

She picked up my hands and took a deep breath. "I can't imagine giving you up to anyone else," she laughed and rolled her eyes at herself. "Or anyone more perfect for you. I'm just so happy that you've gotten everything you have ever wanted." I could tell that she was about to start crying. "I mean, we daydreamed and made jokes about all of this and it's actually happening. It's been so hard to believe and today is making all of it seem so real. We've been through so much craziness to get to today. You're about to be Catherine Howell, it's just-" she stopped because she had actually started crying.

I had been able to hold my shit together until I saw her crying. For some reason if I saw Leila cry whether it was from happiness or sadness, it always set me off. "Oh fuck me," I said through my tears while laughing at myself as I reached for her and pulled her into a hug. "I have you to thank for all of this. I wouldn't be standing here about to do this if you wouldn't have brought me here with you."

I pulled back to look at her and sniffled like a total titbag. "Married or not, we're still going to get old and bitchier and senile together though," I laughed as I wiped away my tears. Thank the cosmetic Gods for waterproof make-up. A hurricane could've hit our faces and we'd still look good. "I love you, Lele," I told her as I reached out and wiped one of her tears away with my thumb.

"I love you too, Cat," she sniffled, smiling down at me. She took in another deep breath and turned away from me and walked towards one of the many tables in the dressing room and picked something up before turning back around to face me.

"You have something old, something new, and something borrowed," she began, walking towards me. She was holding my bouquet of purple roses in one hand and something was bunched up in her other hand. "And I've got something blue," she grinned and handed me the bouquet and then pulled what she was holding in her other palm up to show me.

I had to stare at it for a few seconds to realize what it was. It was a piece of the blue comforter that was in our old apartment from when we first came to London. How did she even get it? I thought it had been destroyed during the break-in...

"I took it to a tailor and they made it look good," she explained as she started tying it into a bow around the roses. "Because my dumbass thought 'oh I can just cut it and it'll be okay," she laughed. "It looked like a mouse chewed on it or something." she laughed again and straightened the bow before looking back up at me.

I took a deep breath to keep from crying again as I looked at it. I loved that damn comforter so much. I know, I'm weird. "This is like the cutest, sweetest thing ever," I told her as I held out my bouquet to look at it all together. "You are just fucking brilliant, I swear," I laughed as I pulled her into another hug. "Thank you. It's absolutely perfect."

There was a knock at the door and I looked over at it nervously. For some reason I kept expecting someone to run in like on a movie and say Dan had run for the hills or something.

"It's Dad," I heard my Dad say. "Time to do the damn thing."

Leila and I both cracked up. "Wow. I'm glad we didn't decide to get married in a church."

I turned to walk towards the door and out of the corner of my eye I saw my reflection and realized I hadn't even bothered to look at myself in the mirror. I stopped and backed up before turning towards it and just stared in shock.

"Oh wow," I said as I looked at my reflection. Seeing myself in the dress with my make-up done and holding my bouquet made it all seem real. Like really real. "I'm getting married. Holy shit."

Dan's POV

I adjusted my tie for what felt like the 100th time in the last five minutes. It's not that it didn't look alright. I just needed something to do with my hands because I was so bloody nervous.

I was getting married.

Oh fuck.

And I thought proposing was going to bring on a heart attack. This was much more nerve wrecking. I should have hit Leila up for one of her Xanax.

"You alright, Dan?" I saw my Dad's reflection in the mirror as he appeared behind me, grinning.

No.  
Well, yeah. But I was also nervous, nauseated, hungry, thirsty, sweaty, and I felt like I might shit myself.

"Brilliant," I replied as I turned around to face him.

"You're a right bad liar," he laughed at me then reached out to put his hand on my shoulder. "You're going to be fine, yeah? You got through the proposal without killing over, and that's the hard part. You'll get through this." He smiled and patted my back.

Well that was comforting. I mean, he had been through this before and he was still around to talk about it.

I don't know how many guests we had invited. I didn't really want to think about it, honestly.

I always enjoyed having an audience and I loved being the center of attention, but there was something about having this kind of attention that made me feel like throwing up.

I took in a deep breath and nodded at him and he pulled me into a hug.

"So, uh.. Cat's still here, right?" I asked after he pulled away from me, shifting my eyes, and he and Phil started laughing.

"She is," my Dad nodded. "I caught a glimpse of her. Wait until you see her," he winked. "Don't be nervous. You have no reason to be. She's had all day to run and change her mind. She's not going anywhere."

Actually, the most exciting part about all of this was the point in which I'd actually get to see her. Well, of course I was more excited about her becoming my wife - but, seeing her was an excellent perk. None of us were the posh dressy types, so seeing each other dolled up was always interesting.

I nodded at my Dad again and moved my hands to straighten my suit jacket without saying anything back to him.

I didn't really have a lot to say to anyone - which was odd because as you all know, I always have something to say.

My Dad checked the time on his wristwatch and informed me that I had five minutes before I had to make my way out, and that he was going to go find my Mum.

Cue the nervous shits.

The door closed and I sighed inwards, turning back around towards the mirror to look at my reflection again.

I was wearing a black suit with a white button down and a purple tie. "Oh fuck!" I gasped, looking down at the pocket. I didn't have my purple rose tucked into it and I spun around to be met with Phil standing right in front of me holding it up.

"Dan, you have to calm down," he laughed. "I don't think I've ever seen you so wound up." He reached out and pinned the rose onto me before straightening it out. "I can't even imagine how Cat is acting if you're like this."

"Cat is actually doing quite well," I heard my Mum speaking and turned to see her in the doorway smiling at me. "I just gave her the ring from your father and I and she loved it." She walked up to me and reached up to adjust my tie. "Oh you look so handsome!" she covered her mouth with her hands like she was about to cry already.

I was relieved to hear that my Mum had seen Cat, and that she was fine. But more that she had actually laid eyes on her and that she hadn't left.

What?

"Thanks, Mum," I grinned and wrapped my arms around her to hug her. She clung to me and I could hear her sniffling against my chest before she pulled away to look at me again.

"I can't believe you're getting married!" she cupped my cheeks for a few seconds before removing them to wipe her eyes. "You've grown up too fast on me, Dan," she shook her head. "I don't mean to cry.. Thank God I never had any girls," she laughed at herself. "I just wanted to come and see you before the ceremony starts. One last time before you're a married man." she grinned. "I love you sweetheart."

"I love you too, Mum," I told her, reaching out to hug her again. She clinged to me for a few seconds before letting go and backing away from me. "I'll see you in a few minutes," she said and then headed towards the door.

A few minutes though?

I watched her leave and slowly made my way towards the door as well. I checked the clock on the wall to see that we had a little over two minutes before I had to be at the alter.

Oh Christ.  
"Do I look alright?" I finally spoke up, glancing over at Phil as I ran my fingers against my coat again. I was tempted to look in the mirror but I didn't want Phil to start judging me. Though he probably was already.

"Yes," Phil nodded, laughing. "You're starting to make me nervous. I guess I have this to look forward to soon as well," he said as he walked towards me. He cleared his throat and adjusted his hair. "Uh, not to get all girly on you or anything but I am really happy for you. I know you and Cat are perfect for each other and I've never seen you as happy as you are with her. Thanks for choosing me to be your best man. You've always been more like a brother to me than a friend and things will stay that way even though we're both getting married."

Aw, Phil.

I grinned at him and opened my arms, offering him a hug. We never did the whole hugging thing. Like ever. But I figured that this was a good time for one. He stepped towards me and we sailed on the S.S Phan ship for all of five seconds.

And guess what? The bloody photographer chose that exact moment to come back by the room we were in.

The flash made both of us a jump away from each other and I was semi blind for a couple of seconds. The lady didn't say anything though, she just smiled and then walked off.

"Thanks for that though," I told Phil as I glanced back over at him. "It means a lot and I feel the same way. And I know nothing will change. We still live across the hall from each other and our fiances are best friends. We're kind of stuck with each other," I laughed, because it was true.

"You two ready?" Cat's Dad asked as he appeared in front of the door. Phil and I looked at each other then looked back at him and nodded.

He gestured for us to follow him and we did.

Holy fuck. Who invited all of these people?

Do I even know this many people?

Phil and I made our way down the aisle together and took our places by the alter.

Music started playing and the doors in the back of the room opened revealing Leila, who looked gorgeous.

I had to glance over at Phil to see his reaction, which was amusing. Big sap he is.

Leila made her way down the aisle and stood across from where we were standing, making eyes at Phil until different music started playing. It was that song that they play in movies when the bride walks down the aisle.

The doors opened again revealing Cat and - oh my God. I don't have proper words to explain how she looked.

Beautiful? No, she was better than beautiful. She looked perfect.

I couldn't take my eyes off of her and within about three seconds it was like we were the only two people in the room. I didn't see her father who I knew was walking beside her. I didn't see the crowd. I didn't see Phil or Leila or the photographer.

I could only see her.

The closer she got, the more my knees began to feel like jelly. I felt a warm wetness on my cheeks. I was crying.

She looked so amazing that it reduced me to tears.  
It was like my future was walking towards me and I realized once more that I was the luckiest guy in the world.

The officiant spoke up but I honestly didn't hear what he said. I was just staring at Cat who was staring at me and smiling that big, beautiful smile of hers while tears rolled down her cheeks as well.

Jude made me snap out of it by placing Cat's hand in mine then he patted my back and winked at me before he stepped away.

Cat turned away from me and handed Leila her bouquet before bringing her attention to me again and placing her other hand in mine as well. The officiant was talking again but I wasn't listening and apparently Cat wasn't either.

"You look really hot," she mouthed out to me and I nearly burst out laughing in front of the whole church. She grinned and squeezed my hands. "I love you," she mouthed out. I really wanted to grab her and kiss her but I controlled myself and mouthed out that I loved her as well.

The dress she was wearing looked like it had been made for her and it made me want to have her in my arms and actually feel her against me. We'd been apart the night before and I felt like I was going through bloody withdrawals.

I decided to start paying attention to the ceremony so I would know when to respond but I still kept my eyes on her. My favorite part was definitely when I heard her say without hesitation, "I do."

Actually, my favorite part was when I finally got to kiss her and there was none of this quick peck business. I pulled her into my arms and dipped her while kissing her which caused the crowd to start cheering and whistling.

Yeah. That's how I roll.

After that we walked down the aisle together and into the lobby of the place we'd held the ceremony at. As soon as we made it through the doors Cat literally pounced on me. She threw her arms around my shoulders and kissed my lips in that way that made me really wish we weren't around a lot of people.

"Whoa! You're not on the honeymoon yet, guys," Phil said as he and Leila made their way to where we were. We both laughed as Cat pulled away from me. She looked up at my face and I swear I had never seen her smile so big.

I thought I knew it before but in that moment I truly, truly knew that we had made the right decision. We were meant for each other.

Cat, Phil, Leila and I got into a limo that mine and Cat's parents surprised us with which took us to the location of the reception. My parents had friends who owned a restaurant in London and they were gracious enough to allow us to have it to ourselves and our guests for the evening.

To say that we were blown away when we walked in was a fucking understatement. We didn't know what we wanted and my Mum was an expert at throwing beautiful parties so we let her surprise us.

Cat literally started crying when she walked in because she was so happy. The whole banquet room of the restaurant we were using was lit by candles and clear Christmas lights all over the place. It smelled of beautiful flowers and there were purple and white roses all over the place.

Random photos of Cat and I were placed on all of the tables around the centerpieces. Each table was decorated with purple and white silks. I didn't even want to know how much all of it cost.

The part we were most excited about was the fucking massive, gorgeous wedding cake that had purple and black designs all over it. We were also stoked about the open bar which was the only thing we had requested.

After everyone got there and we'd posed for a few photos we cut the cake and did all of that traditional stuff. Then we were free to eat, drink, dance and act like complete idiots which is what we'd all been looking forward to.

Cat and Leila were two of the first to make it to the dance floor after a few Jack and cokes. Yes, my wife decided Jack and coke was better than champagne on our wedding night.

My wife.

Fuck. That is bizarre and amazing to say.

"They look amazing, don't they?" Phil said as he sat next to me and put another drink in front of me.

"Yes they definitely do," I agreed as I watched Cat and Leila taking turns spinning each other around on the dance floor.

Cat's dress looked so fucking good on her. I found myself unable to stop staring at her all night. It looked like she'd been sewn into the bloody thing and it showed off all of her amazing curves. It looked like silk covered with beautiful lace which had random little diamonds scattered over it. It was strapless and fitted until it got to her knees and then flowed out like a mermaid tail or something.  
Leila's dress was long and strapless as well with the same sort of shape as Cat's but it looked like some sort of purple silk without the lace like Cat's. They looked like something out of a magazine standing next to each other.

Cat's hair had been up earlier in the night but she let it down and it was cascading down her shoulders and back in ringlets of curls.

It had been totally worth it to not have a clue of what Cat would look like on our wedding day. She'd gone to great lengths to keep me from seeing her wedding gown even though I had begged like an annoying child. I probably only really wanted to see it because I knew I couldn't. I'm an obnoxious twat like that.

"Cat is beautiful all the time but tonight-" I shook my head, grinning because I didn't have words.

"I know," Phil laughed. "She looks perfect," he agreed. "I told Leila that I can't even begin to imagine how amazing she'll look when she gets married if she looks this good tonight."

"Be prepared for intense feels," I laughed as I leaned back on my chair. "Definitely intense."

"Sweetheart?" My Mum pulled my attention away from Phil and I turned to see her standing behind me. "It's time."

"Oh shit," I mumbled before downing the rest of my drink.

"You'll do fine," Phil told me as he reached over and patted my back.

I stood up from the table and made my way towards the dance floor. Cat saw me coming and squealed her little fangirl squeal before running over to me like she hadn't seen me all day.

"Hi husband," she said before kissing me as she grabbed my hands. "Did you come to dance? I know you're jealous of mine and Lele's skills."

"Oh yes!" Leila said from behind her while turning around and doing this weird ass jiggling thing.

I laughed and shook my head. "I'll leave the dancing to you two experts."

"Alright everyone," the DJ pulled their attention away and everyone looked towards the booth that was in front of the dance floor. "We're gonna take a little break from the dancing for a bit. One of the wonderful people you're all here for, Dan, would like to come say something."

Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

"Baby? What are you doing?" Cat asked as I took her hand and began walking towards the booth pulling her along with me.

"Just come on," I said as I looked back at her confused yet curious expression.

We walked up to the little stage the booth was on and he handed me the microphone.

I cleared my throat and looked around at everyone staring at me. Bloody hell.

"Hello everyone," I waved and smiled. "So, thanks for coming to our wedding. We truly appreciate all of you being here for us and supporting us." I looked over at Cat who was still holding my hand and looking up at me smiling. "I never imagined that I would find someone and fall in love the way I did. It sounds so cliche' but she is the woman of my dreams and to be standing here today knowing that we've committed ourselves to each other forever is so overwhelming in the best of ways. We're young and I know people probably think we're a little mental for getting married so quickly but when you know, you know and I saw no point in putting off the inevitable. I wanted this woman to have my last name, to wear rings on her left hand that represented our love and to be mine forever."

At this point I'd reduced Cat to tears and she was wiping her cheeks as I spoke.

"So yeah, to get to the point," I laughed. "I've made a little gift for you," I told Cat as I turned around and turned her around with me.

Purple curtains that had been covering a large screen behind the DJ booth opened and the lights dimmed around us. "I hope you like it," I told her before leaning down to kiss her forehead.

The music began and the screen lit up with the first photos of us that had ever been taken which were from the live show we did together.

The song that was playing was actually one of the most important parts of the video. I'd recorded myself covering We Found Love by Rihanna because Cat was obsessed with that song. I played piano in it and sang it which I knew she'd flip out over because she begged me to do that all the time.

The photos that played on the screen were in order from the first photos of us together throughout our relationship. I had the Phans to thank for a lot of them because they were on tumblr. I also jacked Cat's laptop and stole a bunch she'd taken of us and that Leila had taken as well.

There were photos of us when we went to California, when we all went to New Orleans, our first Christmas together, and a ton of us just hanging out around the apartment. I also added video clips from appearances she made in random videos of mine. I was quite proud of it.

I looked down at her as it played and tears were streaming down her face. She looked like she was about to break into the ugly cry but she was smiling. Apparently the intense feels were attacking her as well.

I moved behind her and wrapped my arms around her from behind. She held onto my arms and leaned her head back against my chest as we watched the development of our relationship play on the screen. I even found myself feeling emotional and I'd made the bloody thing.

When it was done everyone started clapping as the lights turned back on. Cat turned around in my arms and threw her arms around my shoulders to hug me tightly. "I love it so much. Oh my God. It was perfect," she said against my neck as she hugged me. She pulled back and looked up at me bringing her hands to my face and smiling up at me. "Thank you baby. I'm going to watch that like everyday now," she laughed before kissing my lips.

Success!

After a few more hours of dancing, which I finally got up to do as well after having a few more drinks, and socializing with people, Cat and I were sent off in our limo once more and were on our way to a hotel which we'd be staying in overnight before catching our flight the next day.

Cat had no idea of where we were going. She let me pick the honeymoon destination so she was blissfully unaware that around that time tomorrow we'd be lying on a beach in front of a beach house I'd rented for us in India.

She told me several times that she had always wanted to go there and it happened to be one of my favorite places I'd ever visited so it was a no brainer when she told me I could pick where we were going.

"Everything was so perfect," she sighed as she laid her head on my shoulder in the back of the limo. "I've imagined my wedding so many times in my head but this was so much better than anything I ever created in my mind."

I picked her hand up and linked my fingers with her before placing a kiss over where the wedding band I'd put on her finger earlier that night now rested along with the engagement ring I'd given her over a year before. "It was perfect and I'm happy you thought it was perfect."

She sat up and turned around before pressing her lips against mine. We'd both sobered up a lot because we decided to stop drinking around an hour and a half before the reception was over. We didn't want to be sloppy drunk on our wedding night.

"How much longer until we get to the hotel?" she asked, her lips still against mine. Her hand rested on my inner thigh and began moving up slowly which caused my dick to twitch instantly.

I cleared my throat. "I'm not sure, baby. Feeling antsy?" I slid my hand down her back and over her ass before giving it a squeeze and she giggled against my lips.

"Very. There's something about seeing you in a suit that drives me crazy," she whispered before dragging her tongue along my bottom lip and then pressing another kiss against my mouth.

I wrapped my arms around her leaning in against her so that her back was pressed against the side of limo as I kissed her back fervently.

We remained snogging like that until the limo came to a stop and the driver came around to open our door.

"Looks like we're here," I whispered against her lips then pulled away to look at her beautiful face. "Let's go," I grabbed her hand and moved back and started sliding across the seat and towards the open door, Cat following behind me.

We were staying at a pretty posh hotel that was close to the airport so we wouldn't have to rush around in the morning to catch our flight, as I knew we were going to be up late celebrating our marriage.

Before the wedding I had Phil stop by and check Cat and I into the hotel and bring our luggage by, so we didn't have to stop by the lobby once we got there. Instead we got into the elevator and Cat immediately started attacking my lips with hers again.

I'm glad we were alone because those aren't the kind of snogs you want other people to see.

Once the doors chimed open I grabbed her hand and pulled her into the corridor and we made our way towards our room.

I got us a really big room that had a rather large whirlpool-hottub type thing inside of it, as I thought we could make good use of it.

Once we were inside of the room, Cat started going on about how lovely it was, but I was still fixated on how lovely she was.

There was a bottle of Jack and a bottle of Coke on our bed and Cat went on to make us a drink while I started filling up the bathtub and sprinkling the yellow rose petals across the water.

It didn't take long to do and once I was finished I unbuttoned my suit jacket and crept up behind her. I slid her long curled hair over one shoulder and started kissing the other as I ran my hands along her sides.

"I hope this day was everything you ever dreamed it would be, Mrs. Howell," I whispered against her ear as I let my hands roam back up her sides and onto her back.

I started unbuttoning her dress while placing kisses on her neck and onto her shoulder.

The dress fell off of her and onto the floor leaving her in very sexy white lingerie.

I took a second to admire how she looked in it because it wasn't going to be on her for much longer, then moved her hair to her other shoulder, kissing the opposite side of her neck as I started unbuttoning my shirt.

Once my shirt was off I slid my hands around her hips and onto her thighs, pressing my body against hers so she could feel the bulge in my pants.

She turned herself around to face me and started kissing me and her small hands moved down my torso and onto the top of my pants where she started to unfasten my belt and unbutton my pants.

We continued kissing until we were both completely naked and I reluctantly pulled away so that I could take in her flawless form.

She looked at me with desire before closing the space between our naked bodies, her hands running down my back as mine slipped around her hips and onto her ass.

Despite how badly I knew that we both wanted each other, our touches against each other were light and gentle.

I pulled away from her once more and held her hand, helping her into the bath before turning around to grab the drinks she made for us.

When I was facing her again she was smiling up at me, her hands causing ripples against the water as she moved the bubbles and rose petals around, watching me as I joined her.

She swam towards me and took her glass, taking a sip from it before she settled herself on top of my lap.

"I love you, Daniel," she breathed against my lips before placing a very soft kiss against them.

"I love you, Catherine Elizabeth Howell," I whispered back at her as I wrapped my arms around her, leaning back against the side of the bath so that I could see her face.

"Mmm. I do love how that sounds," she sighed happily. "Cat Howell. Hi, my name is Cat Howell. Oh, yes. I am married to danisnotonfire. You jelly?" she laughed at herself as she took another sip of her drink.

"Remember forever ago like when we first started even hanging out and one of us said how funny it'd be if you and I got married 'cause people could call me Cat Howl or something like that?"

I grinned, nodding at her before laughing. "I remember telling Phil once that I should marry you so I could take your last name. Then he said that we should adopt him so he could have it too," I told her.

It was wild to look back on things like that considering how everything turned out.

"When I first met you, I had no idea that you were going to be the woman I would be spending the rest of my life with. It's insane how those things happen," I said before placing a soft kiss against her shoulder.

She took a sip of her drink and then reached behind me to place it on the side of the bathtub. Her hands moved into my hair and she scooted closer to me on my lap. She was straddling me so with that movement she ended up pressing her pussy against my still very hard dick which made her get that little grin she always got on her face when she was going to do something bad or minxy.

"When you first met me you were pissed off at me and being a total dick if I recall," she laughed. "I remember being so devastated because I'd been so obsessed with you for so long. It's bizarre to even think of feeling that way and then feeling this way. Being here with you and knowing that we're married." She leaned in and kissed my lips softly. "You're my husband." She leaned back again so she could see me. "Isn't that weird to say?" she laughed. "My husband. My incredibly amazing, so fucking sexy husband."

Her hips pushed forward and she bit down on her lip as her heat pressed harder against the shaft of my cock.

I adjusted myself with that movement and let a out a small pleasure filled grunt, sitting up a bit so that our chests were touching. I sat my glass down on the bath beside me and moved my hands to her hips. "And you're my wife," I said before kissing her and pressing my hands firmly against her hips so that I could move her forward, slipping my dick inside of her.

"My beautiful, smart, hilarious, fun, sexy wife, who I get to wake up to every morning and go to sleep next to every night," I kissed her again as I slowly started swaying my hips in against hers.

I caught her bottom lip between my teeth and slowly tugged at it as I pulled away from her, looking into her eyes as I brought one of my hands up to her face. I cupped her cheek, kissing her again before I trailed my lips to the side of her neck.

"Baby," she breathed, her fingers tangling into my hair as she leaned closer to me giving me more access to her neck. She moved her hips to meet mine but we still moved slowly taking in every second of how we felt together like that.

Each time I moved as deep inside of her as possible she moaned these quiet, incredibly sexy moans that I rarely heard from her since we could be so vocal at home. But this time together was different.

She leaned back a bit and tugged at my hair slightly so I would as well. Her eyes locked on mine as her hands slid down to the sides of my neck and she pulled herself closer to me so that our faces were only inches apart.

We were still moving slowly together, the only sounds that could be heard were the moving of the water around us and our heavy breathing along with her soft moans. Normally at this point I would have lost control and been fucking the hell out of her to be honest. But I found myself wanting this to last.  
It wasn't all about making her cum and cumming this time. This was far deeper than that and I knew it without either of us speaking.

We were making love as cheesy as that sounds. We connected on an emotional level already that I didn't even know what possible before her and now we were connecting in the closest physical way possible.

It felt so good being inside of her knowing that she could make me feel the way no one else could emotionally and physically.

"I love you so much," she whispered, her beautiful eyes fixated on mine. "You feel so good inside me," she continued, a moan leaving her lips after she said it. She leaned her forehead against mine and her hand gripped tighter on the back of my neck while her hips began moving a bit faster against mine which felt fucking incredible. "No one has ever made me feel the way you do," she whispered against my lips before placing a soft kiss against them. "When you're inside me like this, when you make me cum," she moaned and nipped at my bottom lip with her teeth. "You're the only one I've ever felt like I couldn't possibly get enough of this way."

It was odd to hear her say the same things that I had been thinking. "I couldn't have said it better myself," I whispered against her lips before placing a slow, deep kiss against them. I slipped my hands from her hips and around her back, cradling her against my chest as our bodies continued to rock and mold together.

I don't know how long we went on like that, kissing and moving against each other as we spoke and caressed each other - but it eventually came to a stop when we both came together, like we were synchronized.

Cat was shaking like a leaf in my arms as we sat there quietly. My hands roamed over her back softly as she laid her head on my chest and her hands moved softly over my sides under the water.

She finally pulled back and had a big smile on her face as she reached behind me to pick up her glass of Jack and coke. She took a sip and sighed. "I have no words for that but if I did they'd be really fucking great words," she laughed.

I laughed as well as I leaned back against the bath again. "What a way to start our honeymoon, yeah?"

"Yes sir," she giggled as she held her glass up to my lips and let me have a sip. She leaned in and kissed my lips afterwards. "I hope you're not sleepy because I'm going to need you to fuck me all good and proper-like once we're out of here and in that gigantic bed."

I took the glass from her hand and sat it down beside mine on the bath and leaned up towards her again. "You have nothing to worry about. I was planning on making a night out of it," I grinned and kissed her. "Should we get started on that now?"

"I believe we should," she smirked at me as she moved off of my lap. I watched her as she stood up in the water. Bloody hell. There's something about water dripping down a naked body that's entirely too hot. Especially her body.

She stepped out of the tub and wrapped a towel around herself before walking towards the door. She glanced back at me with that grin of hers that I loved so much. "See you in bed, Mr. Howell?"

I stood up in the tub and pointed towards the room. "Mrs. Howell, I expect to see you naked and lying on that bed in 5 seconds."

"Yes sir!" she laughed and ran into the room.

Oh yes. Our honeymoon was going to be quite fun.


End file.
